Pretty powerful words spoken from a commenter on a site I went to.
There have been a lot of things DAWNING on me lately. To many to cover in one post. So I may have a string of random thought posts this week.
First up -
THE IMPORTANCE FOR PROGRESSIVE BW TO PROTECT THEIR INTERESTS IN LOVE
Its utterly important for BW to realize that when you marry or exclusively date a man who has not yet hit his stride, you run the risk of being kicked aside once he has made it.
This is *NOT* a race issue as it happens and can happen to all women in relationships early on with men who are still in the process of making a name for himself and careers.
Understandably, its not out of the question that a woman who loves her guy will accept his invitation to marriage if she sees he has ambition, works hard and loves her. Understandably, you as a wife will want to help and support your husband in his quest and ambitions as marriage tells us to stick with and by our partner through thick and thin. Of course you do this because you love him and see that eventually all your hard work and support will pay off for you and your children later.
UNFORTUNATELY, a lot of men do not stick to that rule of thumb or vow once they make it. Yes even if they have small children, they often can and will leave their “starter” wives and baby mommas to “greener” pastures. And most of the greener pastures are women who refused to be a starter woman – for better or worse.
The wife who stood by, sacrificed and went without while her husband was on his way to the top and had to struggle on the way there, gets left in the cold and has to watch as he bestows all of his “spoils” from success on his new younger, or prettier or just more savvy g/f and future wife.
Black women – PROGRESSIVE BW especially need to understand this phenomenon clearly, as to better protect yourself and interests.
The time has passed for BW constantly taking the high road and to stop repeating that nonsense that men who need someone to help them while “he has nothing” and struggles. Its proven to be a strategy that only and ONLY benefits the men and their future trophy wives later. Then when these same men make it,they leave for women who they *REALLY* feel are worthy of the rewards and celebration that comes with his new found success.
Don’t be that BW who stays loosing! ;)
One thing that kinda stirred up this notion in me has been several things over the years. The most recent being Kevin Shart Hart.
HART SHART ; The Cautionary Tale for the unambiguous Black woman.
So what has Kevin
Hart Shart have to do with is.
Well I won’t post all the unfortunate but COMMON comments Black men like him have made publicly about BW (you can go here http://bougieblackgirl.com/kevin-hart-telling-black-women-will-dis-everyone-else-limits-going/ and read Bougie Black girls coverage of things he has said).
Instead, I want to focus on pointing out the cautionary tale for Black women who are the “starter struggle sidekick sista” and then later cast aside and humiliated once your Black King has garnered enough financial success & popularity and “upgrades” to a more “acceptable” Black woman – you know those “BLACK” women in which the first question that comes to your mind is “what exactly is she mixed with?”. That’s if you are lucky! Many times the woman is simply not even of color. LOL
I want to focus on Torrie Hart, Kevin’s now ex-wife who is speaking out about what she has gone through since being dumped and left/divorced by Kevin Hart.
Torrie Hart by all accounts is a Black woman. She is not mixed looking but your regular cute run of the mill atypical looking Black girl. She and Kevin Hart dated and married very young. Yes that means she was with and married to him and had kids by him when he wasn’t shit but a midget with a dream.
But the point I wish to make in this is, how she was treated and dumped after he gained success (and openly admitted to cheating on her in the marriage) and how BW still support this Kneegrow and sponsor his new mixed “rib” (yes this is the reference he gives to his new trophy – lol) is just another cautionary tale for progressive non mixed BW who have some small hope that one day you will be given your rightful place in the hearts and minds of the Black community and Black men for all your love, loyalty, and struggle.
Your sisters who even look like you would much rather sponsor and rah rah on these kneegrows twitter and Instagram pages and salivate at the life that same kneegrow gives to his newly UPGRADED “Black” woman; something that many of the BW who support them know will never be reserved for them.
It’s really sad to watch. But what’s even worse is the lack of support given to the Black woman who looks like you and did all the typical things BW are told to do for her man, people etc., and when she expresses NORMAL HUMAN feelings like being hurt and feeling humiliated and betrayed once he makes it and kicks her aside like last years hardened dog poop, all that’s left for her is ;
—“get over it hater!”
—“you just mad because he moved on with his life”
— “stop trying to throw shade at him for being successful now cause you aint reaping the benefits”
Once again, by her own people and women who LOOK LIKE HER, the unambiguous BW is told to just STFU, GET OVER IT, MOVE ON and FORGET about all the things she sacrificed all in the name of not being called a hater and bitter. Torrie was not his BABY MOMMA. She was his legal wife and mother of his children who was with him and worked with him while he was a struggling comedian and actor.
Meanwhile the home wrecking mixed mistress (now fiancé)
is getting all the love and likes and
“ooh y’all make a beautiful couple” “babies soon please!” “damn girl you killing it” “nevermind them haters boo you are beautiful and fabulous” “what an amazing couple you are, Kevin looks really happy”.
STAND BY YOUR MAN GIRL!
West Pest basically told y’all directly in a song, what he and other Black men are going to do after you struggle with them and once they make it he “leaves your ass for a White girl”. LOL BW loooove them some Kanye and Kim too. HA!
I can’t make this shit up. Thats the sad part.
Torrie like MOST in the dark BW, believe that a life of servitude, loyalty, and “standing by and helping your man” while he is trying to make it, is something honorable that will garner great results later once he makes it. Many BW believe that if they start off as the struggle sidekick to their Black men, that he will reward her for her sacrifice and struggles with him later.
***Let me make a quick note here. This happens with all races of men, so do not think if you are a BW who dates interracially, that you will escape this phenomenon! You won’t unless you choose wisely and marry and date men who are already established and have options but HAD TO HAVE YOU*****
Progressive BW like myself see the writing on the wall.
This happens with other races of women to who get traded off for a younger or prettier woman. But its a bit more unique for BW, since BW often are raised and reared to believe that these actions will pay off later. And rarely do they.
This is why BW cannot afford to settle for the role of starter sidekick. Get yourself a man that is already ESTABLISHED is my message. BW never win in the game of being the one that sacrificed and struggled with their up and coming ambitious men.
A progressive BW will find a man that is already set so that she knows and feels confident that he chose you when he had OPTIONS and not when no one wanted him because he didn’t have anything. Because men and women know this – all of these trophy wives and girlfriends would never marry, date or screw half these men when they had nothing and were struggling.
BW can take the high road and keep saying how it aint right, but other races of women have no shame in raising their daughters to GET THEMSELVES in whatever position (i.e. living stress and carefree, taking care of her physical self ONLY, staying in top physical shape, and definitely not being mammies for their communities and men) to attract the men who are already established and who can give her a good care free life.
Of course I am NOT saying BW should not have their own and not have ambitions of their own and not be successful in their own right. But you can walk and chew gum at the same time sweetie!
Back to the Hart’s.
Miss Torrie Hart has unfortunately learned this in the most painful way. Not only was her divorce from Kevin Shart PUBLIC, but he has publicly humiliated her and gone into details of why he divorced and left her. And then, and *THEN* after sticking with him, busting her ass for him when he was just a midget with a dream and no car, she settled for $175K for the divorce. You read right. ONE HUNDRED and SEVENTY FIVE THOUSAND! His new “ribs” ring looks like it cost infinity of what she Torrie the ex wife received in the divorce settlement – and the “rib” didn’t do anything to help his career! LOL
This Kneegrow at the time was worth 9 million buckaroos when he gladly let his ex wife walk out the courtroom after a long battle for $175K! NO. There was no pre nup like his stans are trying to say. How can there be a pre nup when you didn’t have shit when you married your wife and she was the one working and shuffling money to you & letting you drive *HER* car (yes she admits all of this when he was working towards his come up and career)?
GIRL,BOY, – BYE!
That is what she got for her role as the struggling, sidekick sista wifey for all those years she stood OVER his midget ass! She has two small children with him and receives $20k a month for them. But what a slap in the freakin face 9 million dollar man whose wife helped him get there and she gets a whopping – 175k!?
Woo! JESUS BE A FENCE! LMAO.
Then she says “he paid for my BDAY yacht party” as a way to downplay how wrrrrong he did her in the divorce? LOL FORREALS TORRIE???? Come on Torrie!
This situation is very similar to how Steve Harvey did his first wife who also got screwed in divorce proceedings as he went on to marry a younger light skinned BW.
I want to re-emphasie a comment I just noted above. A commenter on the site where this was being discussed said this:
“……..Unfortunately we Black women *HAVE TO ACCEPT* we are only good for the struggle but not the celebration, when it comes to Black men making it.”
Where do I start. Ok. That comment was RIGHT in its premise. But it was wrong in its inference that “unfortunately BW have to ACCEPT”. UHM. NO. BW don’t have to accept anything. What BW need to learn is to stop DOING THE SHIT if you are not receiving anything from it! I mean damn! How hard of a concept is it for BW to just simply take all your energy, money and put it into making YOURDAMNSELF fabulous in every way possible and stop footing the bill early on to pay off the new trophies lifestyle that you were working with your man together for?
THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT – NOW EXIT STAGE LEFT BAE ;)
This is the thanks BW get for sticking by and standing by Black men.
This man has a dark brown-skinned UNDENIABLY Black daughter, yet still felt no sense of shame or disgust making comments about dark Black women:
This coming from a man who totes around his new “RIB” (as he calls her) who does nothing that we know of other than post Instagram selfies of herself vacationing, traveling and hanging out with him everywhere he goes and bringing along with her, her other ambiguously Black looking g/f’s who are enjoying her new come up. LOL
In many of her pics, you will not find any “real” looking BW unless its his daughter, sister or momma. LOL
Isn’t it funny how the things BM accuse BW of (not wanting to be with them when they are broke nobodies) are the very things they are willing to accept from their “trophies” who they know wouldn’t spit on them if they were on fire when hey didn’t have anything? LOL
Black Women Embracing the ambiguous BW and NON BW that BM step over BW to get, while throwing their sisters “in the struggle” under the bus.
The saddest part of all? Black women just lob dem some of these BM’s new acquired prizes! LOL
If you go onto comments pages of the likes of Kim Kardashian, Racheal Roy (who once she made it dumped her thug hubby after he lost everything lol) Evelyn Lozada (who is now marrying a wealthy baseball player), Eniko Parrish (Kevin’s new fiancé”) and whoever the newest mixed or non BW prize is on the famous BM’s arms, all you will see is praise and worship from BW.
I remember what Ushers unambiguous wife Tamika Foster went through when they got together. You would think BW would relish in the fact that he married a BLACK LOOKING woman. But no, she received all kinds of hate and shade and suspicion for being with Usher. Rarely have I seen this kind of hate directed at the Mixed and Non Black “prizes” of BM from BW.
And that is when it finally dawned on me today after reading the comments on Eniko’s Instagram page that BW have a serious problem and thus why we will stay loosing as a collective. Because we are our own greatest enemy.
In typical fashion, there are more comments posting about how this mixed home wrecker and her life is amazing, how beautiful she is and how she should ignore the haters. One Black woman even went so far as to braggingly post (under one of her bikini selfies) that she, Eniko, was “KILLING TORRIE”.
These are BLACK WOMEN and other races, but my focus is on BLACK WOMEN and girls.
This is not the first time I have seen this. Black women love them some Evelyn Lozada, Draya Michelle Kim Kardashian, Rachael Roy etc. And when I look at these women pages, I see them celebrating with all their *CLOSE* friends who you guessed are not regular looking BW, but women who look like them!
Most mixed and Non Black or ambiguously Black looking women, love the benefits they receive in the Black community being able to freely snag successful wealthy BM and have their little doormat Black women support them and further their careers.
DO you think BW in great numbers would receive that kind of praise and love in other races if the women were CONSTANTLY bypassed and stepped over for BW? HELL NO! Only BW like contributing to their own downfall.
While Eniko (lol doesn’t get any less Black than that) has close to 1 million Instagram followers – many of which consist of Black women and girls (based on looking at the comments), Miss Torrie who is on a VH1 show and is the wronged BW has just grazed the 100k mark.
It dawned on me today, that little undeniably Black girls are in deep doo doo. They are alone and in their loneliness, cling to the very image and women who are receiving all the courtesy, considerations, concessions and cooperation (term coined by Halima of BW’s interracial dating circle – and I am adding another C term – CELEBRATION), they know they will never receive from the very men they prop up, support and stand by, to only to be kicked to the curb once the struggle is over and its time for the celebration.
THE SOLUTION? – REAL SIMPLE
Do what the mixed and Non BW are doing – not being a mammy! (none of the above pics of these gorgeous fun carefree looking BW represents struggle or mamboing does it? GET FABULOUS!. Don’t Give a shit about being called a gold digger, work on improving your physical self the best possible way, spend only your time and energy working on YOU and surround yourself with other fabulous BW like yourself, be more selfish, and you too may one day be the woman that the already established man has to have and bestow everything he has to give upon you because he sees you as a PRIZE and not a struggling starter sidekick to his future success.