I just wanted to wish everyone a safe and happy Thanksgiving today! We all have so much to be thankful for.
I’m thankful for all of you who contribute to the blog :)
a safe place for black women to talk & share thoughts
27 Nov 2014 Leave a comment
I just wanted to wish everyone a safe and happy Thanksgiving today! We all have so much to be thankful for.
I’m thankful for all of you who contribute to the blog :)
17 Nov 2014 68 Comments
Boy are BW going to keep having to learn the hard way.
Understand this: BW are living in an environment society and world that does not wish to see you happy and thriving. Therefore any little inkling you give to your detractors that you are going to do just that, makes you a target for them to up the ante on pushing you back down into your rabbit whole that they want to keep you in.
One place where BW need to KEEP their MOUTHS shut about what they are doing is INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS. If you venture on over to BB&W you can read the post about Jacque Reid and her public venture to “start” dating IR. And well, that didn’t work out too well. She pulled out of the PUBLIC challenge to find a Non Black mate for OBVIOUS reasons I saw before they even began.
BW. PLEASE STOP talking about it publicly about how you plan to do it etc. JUST DO IT. Don’t tell your family and friends anything unless they are already on board. don’t tell your “well meaning” co workers. Telling a family or friends of your plans to date IR when you already know they are against it is not going to help you. The OBVIOUS happened with Jacque reid who is a host on Tom Joyner mornning show. Yes a Black environment. We all know Black environments are not the safest places for BW to make announcements that they are not going to sit around and wait for a Black man. So just don’t tell them. All they will do is spend energy talking about why you shouldn’t do that, teasing and making a joke out of you – just like her co-worksers did. And then NY post ran a tabloid bit on her doing it and that was all she wrote.
Telling the public that you as a BW are going to attempt IR dating is NOT A GOOD IDEA! The public does not want to see you as a BW successfully dating across the color lines. That is because all the time they spend propping you up as the ASEXUAL FAT BLACK MAMMY and sidekick to the Non black women with Knight and shning armours, FAIL when you are not that chick anymore.
The reason I hardly focus on talking about Interracial relationships on this particular blog even though I am 10000% behind BW doing it and understand that BW are not going to survive or have future generations unless she does it, is because I believe BW have to just DO the obvious. The less you talk about something the more time spent on doing it, the better your outcomes will be and the easier it is to offset your detractors and throw them off.
If BW took the route that Asian and Black men did we’d be in a much better place. Do you remember BM making any fanfare about dating IR when they were in the beginning stages of doing so? NOPE! Did Asian women? Nope! It was like one decade you woke up and suddenly started seeing all these BM/Non BW pairing and Asian women and Non-Asian men pairings. They were stealth and smart about how they went about it because they probably knew of the pushback. Of course there was pushback but it was way too late by the time they received it.
What I am saying is. Of course discuss IR in safe environments with other BW. But going public and sharing your intentions with people who are already against you, is goal suicide!
I will never forget recently I was at a Bachelorette party with a mixed group of women. The bride to be (Black and in an IR) and I were talking about a mutual friend of ours who we feel would already be married and with family if she stopped limiting herself to just one race of men (Black men). And BOY did the White girls have something to say. One (who is married to a nice White man and has 2 young children) said “yeah but there are a lot of no good White men out there”. I looked at her and said “well you managed to find a good one, I’m sure she could too!”. She just looked and kept saying how not all WM are great. While I don’t think she meant any real harm in saying that, she completely missed the point of our discussion.
It wasn’t about No Good Wm not existing, it was about casting your net wider to have better chances of getting your fish. That by her limiting herself to one race, it has kept her from maximizing her opportunity to find love. But all the WW could come up with is “well there are some shitty WM out there too”. Uh we know that and that was not the topic of our discussion. So see, people are just comfy in keeping BW in their place. Despite her insistince that there are “crappy WM” she managed to find one who wasn’t, got married and has her family.
Gotta watch who and where you discuss your plans ladies. Plenty of people have it INGRAINED in their psyche that BW are simply not deserving of what they have or even Better. And a lot of times they don’t even realize they feel this way. It’s just second nature.
This is especially important for the average BW who is already sensitive to caring about what other think of her life choices and BW who adjust her choices based on what others say and tell her to do. This is a serious problem with BW. We do not just DO THE OBVIOUS. And when we get a little nudge to do it, we gotta tell the whole wide world – the same world that has been working AGAINST you to achieve that very goal.
JUST.DO.IT. There is a reason why that slogan is the slogan of a mutli million dollar company. Something’s you just have to DO and stop talking about it. Its fine to discuss your goals as a BW in a safe environment with other like-minded BW. But the buck should stop there. It’s always going to backfire when BW make announcements about doing anything that can be a positive for her life.
IR is the last frontier of keeping BW in her place – for a number of people and reasons, it behooves them to keep BW in her place, feeling unwanted, fat, asexual and not with quality men of ANY race. I would recommend in your own personal lives as a BW to just DO the things you want and don’t discuss them with anyone until well after you have accomplished that goal.
Of course if you have like-minded people or blogs (like this and others ) to discuss that is fine. But beware of discussing your ideas about self and life improvement AND DATING with just anyone. People are used to and comfy in seeing BW stay in her little box and rabbit hole. The minute you start trying to climb out and letting those same people know that you plan on doing so, you have just sabotaged yourself and your goals because now they will use their power to mentally and emotionally bludgeon you until you fall back into your rabbit hole and box.
JUST. DO. IT. LADIES! Don’t talk about it – be about it!
06 Nov 2014 50 Comments
Ok the article was poorly written (look whose talkin! Yeah but no one is paying me to write – Lol) but you get the jist.
Moving forward, my blog will not focus on VICTIMHOOD.
It will simply be about ACKNOWLEDGING & UTILIZING the power that you have as a Black woman.
No more blaming the black church, black community, black men, or anyone!
It’s time for BW to poop or just get off the pot! Time is running out and there is no more room for VICTIMHOOD. This world is changing RAPIDLY (for the worse) and for those BW who cannot get it together, they will be in a really bad place! I’m not kidding. When I look at where thus world is headed its scarey, but even scarier for powerless BW stuck in VICTIMHOOD status.
If you are a BW who wants to blame everyone else for the choices you make, you won’t like this blog.
I’m changing my tune because time is running out for Black women. It’s imperative BW start making better choices and holding themselves accountable or things will just get worse.
I don’t think some BW truly realize the power we have – and I pity the fools!
05 Nov 2014 3 Comments
Where does the time go?
It seems like after you turn 18 the years just FLY by and you kep getting older, and older, and older. LOL
HEY YALL!!! October has been a crazay busy! WHEW. Everytime I sat down to do a post I got sidetracked with work and everything else life brings.
And I developed some new obsessions in the last month. Reading about ISIS and EBOLA in the news. JESUSSS BE A FENCE! What is going on in the world? I have so much to say!
Anyway I’m back with a vengeance and I will probably make some people uncomfortable with my next couple posts. But you know what? I have come to terms with who I am and I just have to learn to be comfortable with that. I have also accepted that in that I will turn some people off and people will make negative judgements about me. But such is life. For the numbers of people who will balk at the things I say, there are many more who GET ME and get what I am saying., And that is what really matters – the people who GET IT.
I would never say anything harmful or to be outright mean to anyone. But I have to accept I am more of a tough love kind of person than I am an “enabler” or coddler or even a softy who is going to tip toe around calling a spade a spade. I am not saying this is the way or best way to be, I’m just saying that with me “it is what it is” and I can no longer get caught up in feeling that my approach is any more WRONG than a person who takes a very passive approach to saying how they feel.
Which brings me to the topic and title of the next couple posts.
— YOU ARE WHERE YOU ARE IN YOUR LIFE BECAUSE OF WHO YOU ARE!
– BLACK WOMEN AND CO DEPENDENCY
– EBOLA CRISIS
Rut Roh!!!!! The SGHTF!!
I’m mad. i’m tired. I’m weary. I just can’t with the constant victimhood and finger pointing as to why certain BW cannot get themselves together and keep making OBVIOUS silly choices that even some teenagers would avoid.
Hang tight. I ave over 4 pages of rambling that I have to edit down to something comprehinsible. LOL in the meantime thus article below will get you prepared.
Do You Have ‘Victim Mentality’? What To Do About It
18 Sep 2014 28 Comments
If you are a young BW – Get you some of what she’s having and QUICK!
You would think Black women were living on cloud nine if you were some alien from another planet and this was the first photo you saw of a Black girl.
This is a selfie. Which means maybe a little filter was used but not much more. in essence, this is a REAL chick whose look is attainable for your average run of the mill Black girl.
Seriously, this photo EPITOMIZES the way in which young BW should look. She’s SMIZING – (smiling with her eyes) and face. You cannot fake joy with your eyes. Her eyes look alive. She is thin and you can tell she relishes in her femininity.
Does she look like somebody that will be standing on the front lines getting tear gassed, shot with rubber bullletts and singing the old negroe spiritual? UH.NO!
Does she look like a non threatening MAMMY? UH.NO!
Do you think this girl is having any prob getting dates with ANY MAN of ANY RACE? UH.NO!
16 Sep 2014 121 Comments
Pretty powerful words spoken from a commenter on a site I went to.
There have been a lot of things DAWNING on me lately. To many to cover in one post. So I may have a string of random thought posts this week.
First up -
THE IMPORTANCE FOR PROGRESSIVE BW TO PROTECT THEIR INTERESTS IN LOVE
Its utterly important for BW to realize that when you marry or exclusively date a man who has not yet hit his stride, you run the risk of being kicked aside once he has made it.
This is *NOT* a race issue as it happens and can happen to all women in relationships early on with men who are still in the process of making a name for himself and careers.
Understandably, its not out of the question that a woman who loves her guy will accept his invitation to marriage if she sees he has ambition, works hard and loves her. Understandably, you as a wife will want to help and support your husband in his quest and ambitions as marriage tells us to stick with and by our partner through thick and thin. Of course you do this because you love him and see that eventually all your hard work and support will pay off for you and your children later.
UNFORTUNATELY, a lot of men do not stick to that rule of thumb or vow once they make it. Yes even if they have small children, they often can and will leave their “starter” wives and baby mommas to “greener” pastures. And most of the greener pastures are women who refused to be a starter woman – for better or worse.
The wife who stood by, sacrificed and went without while her husband was on his way to the top and had to struggle on the way there, gets left in the cold and has to watch as he bestows all of his “spoils” from success on his new younger, or prettier or just more savvy g/f and future wife.
Black women – PROGRESSIVE BW especially need to understand this phenomenon clearly, as to better protect yourself and interests.
The time has passed for BW constantly taking the high road and to stop repeating that nonsense that men who need someone to help them while “he has nothing” and struggles. Its proven to be a strategy that only and ONLY benefits the men and their future trophy wives later. Then when these same men make it,they leave for women who they *REALLY* feel are worthy of the rewards and celebration that comes with his new found success.
Don’t be that BW who stays loosing! ;)
One thing that kinda stirred up this notion in me has been several things over the years. The most recent being Kevin Shart Hart.
HART SHART ; The Cautionary Tale for the unambiguous Black woman.
So what has Kevin
Hart Shart have to do with is.
Well I won’t post all the unfortunate but COMMON comments Black men like him have made publicly about BW (you can go here http://bougieblackgirl.com/kevin-hart-telling-black-women-will-dis-everyone-else-limits-going/ and read Bougie Black girls coverage of things he has said).
Instead, I want to focus on pointing out the cautionary tale for Black women who are the “starter struggle sidekick sista” and then later cast aside and humiliated once your Black King has garnered enough financial success & popularity and “upgrades” to a more “acceptable” Black woman – you know those “BLACK” women in which the first question that comes to your mind is “what exactly is she mixed with?”. That’s if you are lucky! Many times the woman is simply not even of color. LOL
I want to focus on Torrie Hart, Kevin’s now ex-wife who is speaking out about what she has gone through since being dumped and left/divorced by Kevin Hart.
Torrie Hart by all accounts is a Black woman. She is not mixed looking but your regular cute run of the mill atypical looking Black girl. She and Kevin Hart dated and married very young. Yes that means she was with and married to him and had kids by him when he wasn’t shit but a midget with a dream.
But the point I wish to make in this is, how she was treated and dumped after he gained success (and openly admitted to cheating on her in the marriage) and how BW still support this Kneegrow and sponsor his new mixed “rib” (yes this is the reference he gives to his new trophy – lol) is just another cautionary tale for progressive non mixed BW who have some small hope that one day you will be given your rightful place in the hearts and minds of the Black community and Black men for all your love, loyalty, and struggle.
Your sisters who even look like you would much rather sponsor and rah rah on these kneegrows twitter and Instagram pages and salivate at the life that same kneegrow gives to his newly UPGRADED “Black” woman; something that many of the BW who support them know will never be reserved for them.
It’s really sad to watch. But what’s even worse is the lack of support given to the Black woman who looks like you and did all the typical things BW are told to do for her man, people etc., and when she expresses NORMAL HUMAN feelings like being hurt and feeling humiliated and betrayed once he makes it and kicks her aside like last years hardened dog poop, all that’s left for her is ;
—“get over it hater!”
—“you just mad because he moved on with his life”
— “stop trying to throw shade at him for being successful now cause you aint reaping the benefits”
Once again, by her own people and women who LOOK LIKE HER, the unambiguous BW is told to just STFU, GET OVER IT, MOVE ON and FORGET about all the things she sacrificed all in the name of not being called a hater and bitter. Torrie was not his BABY MOMMA. She was his legal wife and mother of his children who was with him and worked with him while he was a struggling comedian and actor.
Meanwhile the home wrecking mixed mistress (now fiancé)
is getting all the love and likes and
“ooh y’all make a beautiful couple” “babies soon please!” “damn girl you killing it” “nevermind them haters boo you are beautiful and fabulous” “what an amazing couple you are, Kevin looks really happy”.
STAND BY YOUR MAN GIRL!
West Pest basically told y’all directly in a song, what he and other Black men are going to do after you struggle with them and once they make it he “leaves your ass for a White girl”. LOL BW loooove them some Kanye and Kim too. HA!
I can’t make this shit up. Thats the sad part.
Torrie like MOST in the dark BW, believe that a life of servitude, loyalty, and “standing by and helping your man” while he is trying to make it, is something honorable that will garner great results later once he makes it. Many BW believe that if they start off as the struggle sidekick to their Black men, that he will reward her for her sacrifice and struggles with him later.
***Let me make a quick note here. This happens with all races of men, so do not think if you are a BW who dates interracially, that you will escape this phenomenon! You won’t unless you choose wisely and marry and date men who are already established and have options but HAD TO HAVE YOU*****
Progressive BW like myself see the writing on the wall.
This happens with other races of women to who get traded off for a younger or prettier woman. But its a bit more unique for BW, since BW often are raised and reared to believe that these actions will pay off later. And rarely do they.
This is why BW cannot afford to settle for the role of starter sidekick. Get yourself a man that is already ESTABLISHED is my message. BW never win in the game of being the one that sacrificed and struggled with their up and coming ambitious men.
A progressive BW will find a man that is already set so that she knows and feels confident that he chose you when he had OPTIONS and not when no one wanted him because he didn’t have anything. Because men and women know this – all of these trophy wives and girlfriends would never marry, date or screw half these men when they had nothing and were struggling.
BW can take the high road and keep saying how it aint right, but other races of women have no shame in raising their daughters to GET THEMSELVES in whatever position (i.e. living stress and carefree, taking care of her physical self ONLY, staying in top physical shape, and definitely not being mammies for their communities and men) to attract the men who are already established and who can give her a good care free life.
Of course I am NOT saying BW should not have their own and not have ambitions of their own and not be successful in their own right. But you can walk and chew gum at the same time sweetie!
Back to the Hart’s.
Miss Torrie Hart has unfortunately learned this in the most painful way. Not only was her divorce from Kevin Shart PUBLIC, but he has publicly humiliated her and gone into details of why he divorced and left her. And then, and *THEN* after sticking with him, busting her ass for him when he was just a midget with a dream and no car, she settled for $175K for the divorce. You read right. ONE HUNDRED and SEVENTY FIVE THOUSAND! His new “ribs” ring looks like it cost infinity of what she Torrie the ex wife received in the divorce settlement – and the “rib” didn’t do anything to help his career! LOL
This Kneegrow at the time was worth 9 million buckaroos when he gladly let his ex wife walk out the courtroom after a long battle for $175K! NO. There was no pre nup like his stans are trying to say. How can there be a pre nup when you didn’t have shit when you married your wife and she was the one working and shuffling money to you & letting you drive *HER* car (yes she admits all of this when he was working towards his come up and career)?
GIRL,BOY, – BYE!
That is what she got for her role as the struggling, sidekick sista wifey for all those years she stood OVER his midget ass! She has two small children with him and receives $20k a month for them. But what a slap in the freakin face 9 million dollar man whose wife helped him get there and she gets a whopping – 175k!?
Woo! JESUS BE A FENCE! LMAO.
Then she says “he paid for my BDAY yacht party” as a way to downplay how wrrrrong he did her in the divorce? LOL FORREALS TORRIE???? Come on Torrie!
This situation is very similar to how Steve Harvey did his first wife who also got screwed in divorce proceedings as he went on to marry a younger light skinned BW.
I want to re-emphasie a comment I just noted above. A commenter on the site where this was being discussed said this:
“……..Unfortunately we Black women *HAVE TO ACCEPT* we are only good for the struggle but not the celebration, when it comes to Black men making it.”
Where do I start. Ok. That comment was RIGHT in its premise. But it was wrong in its inference that “unfortunately BW have to ACCEPT”. UHM. NO. BW don’t have to accept anything. What BW need to learn is to stop DOING THE SHIT if you are not receiving anything from it! I mean damn! How hard of a concept is it for BW to just simply take all your energy, money and put it into making YOURDAMNSELF fabulous in every way possible and stop footing the bill early on to pay off the new trophies lifestyle that you were working with your man together for?
THANKS FOR YOUR SUPPORT – NOW EXIT STAGE LEFT BAE ;)
This is the thanks BW get for sticking by and standing by Black men.
This man has a dark brown-skinned UNDENIABLY Black daughter, yet still felt no sense of shame or disgust making comments about dark Black women:
This coming from a man who totes around his new “RIB” (as he calls her) who does nothing that we know of other than post Instagram selfies of herself vacationing, traveling and hanging out with him everywhere he goes and bringing along with her, her other ambiguously Black looking g/f’s who are enjoying her new come up. LOL
In many of her pics, you will not find any “real” looking BW unless its his daughter, sister or momma. LOL
Isn’t it funny how the things BM accuse BW of (not wanting to be with them when they are broke nobodies) are the very things they are willing to accept from their “trophies” who they know wouldn’t spit on them if they were on fire when hey didn’t have anything? LOL
Black Women Embracing the ambiguous BW and NON BW that BM step over BW to get, while throwing their sisters “in the struggle” under the bus.
The saddest part of all? Black women just lob dem some of these BM’s new acquired prizes! LOL
If you go onto comments pages of the likes of Kim Kardashian, Racheal Roy (who once she made it dumped her thug hubby after he lost everything lol) Evelyn Lozada (who is now marrying a wealthy baseball player), Eniko Parrish (Kevin’s new fiancé”) and whoever the newest mixed or non BW prize is on the famous BM’s arms, all you will see is praise and worship from BW.
I remember what Ushers unambiguous wife Tamika Foster went through when they got together. You would think BW would relish in the fact that he married a BLACK LOOKING woman. But no, she received all kinds of hate and shade and suspicion for being with Usher. Rarely have I seen this kind of hate directed at the Mixed and Non Black “prizes” of BM from BW.
And that is when it finally dawned on me today after reading the comments on Eniko’s Instagram page that BW have a serious problem and thus why we will stay loosing as a collective. Because we are our own greatest enemy.
In typical fashion, there are more comments posting about how this mixed home wrecker and her life is amazing, how beautiful she is and how she should ignore the haters. One Black woman even went so far as to braggingly post (under one of her bikini selfies) that she, Eniko, was “KILLING TORRIE”.
These are BLACK WOMEN and other races, but my focus is on BLACK WOMEN and girls.
This is not the first time I have seen this. Black women love them some Evelyn Lozada, Draya Michelle Kim Kardashian, Rachael Roy etc. And when I look at these women pages, I see them celebrating with all their *CLOSE* friends who you guessed are not regular looking BW, but women who look like them!
Most mixed and Non Black or ambiguously Black looking women, love the benefits they receive in the Black community being able to freely snag successful wealthy BM and have their little doormat Black women support them and further their careers.
DO you think BW in great numbers would receive that kind of praise and love in other races if the women were CONSTANTLY bypassed and stepped over for BW? HELL NO! Only BW like contributing to their own downfall.
While Eniko (lol doesn’t get any less Black than that) has close to 1 million Instagram followers – many of which consist of Black women and girls (based on looking at the comments), Miss Torrie who is on a VH1 show and is the wronged BW has just grazed the 100k mark.
It dawned on me today, that little undeniably Black girls are in deep doo doo. They are alone and in their loneliness, cling to the very image and women who are receiving all the courtesy, considerations, concessions and cooperation (term coined by Halima of BW’s interracial dating circle – and I am adding another C term – CELEBRATION), they know they will never receive from the very men they prop up, support and stand by, to only to be kicked to the curb once the struggle is over and its time for the celebration.
THE SOLUTION? – REAL SIMPLE
Do what the mixed and Non BW are doing – not being a mammy! (none of the above pics of these gorgeous fun carefree looking BW represents struggle or mamboing does it? GET FABULOUS!. Don’t Give a shit about being called a gold digger, work on improving your physical self the best possible way, spend only your time and energy working on YOU and surround yourself with other fabulous BW like yourself, be more selfish, and you too may one day be the woman that the already established man has to have and bestow everything he has to give upon you because he sees you as a PRIZE and not a struggling starter sidekick to his future success.
10 Sep 2014 5 Comments
Ok so as you know I am planning a documentary.
I had planned on just doing it myself based on the idea that it can’t be too difficult to create a documentary on your own. I’ve seen quite a bit of them and they do not look hard at all.
but I decided to look into courses for documentary and there is actually a course being offered at one of the film schools. It’s pretty expensive but I think I’m going to take the plunge. Mainly because throughout the class I have to work towards my project and I actually have to shoot and do things. The final project will be a short 3-5 minute documentary that I have to share with the class at the end.
)I think this will force me to actually physically do it!!
I don’t know if I have any readers in the LA area but there is a part where I have to do the interview part. If I decide to do a small bit on Black women (still trying to decide if I let the cat out the bag in the class or just do a generic documentary) . But if I do decide to do something on BWE if there is female reader or two on here that lives in LA area and would like to be my interviewee, please let me know. That way I can plan ahead and have someone in place.
im so freakin excited!!!! I hope I get what I need from this class to be able to make a bomb documentary. Plus I’m going to learn how to edit and all of that.
09 Sep 2014 12 Comments
If you haven’t figured it out by now- I love me some CORNY CLICHE’S!!!
“The best defense is a good offense” is an adage that has been applied to many fields of endeavor, including games and military combat. Generally, the idea is that strong offensive action will preoccupy the opposition and ultimately hinder its ability to mount an opposing counterattack, leading to a strategic advantage.
If you can take your opponent out, before HE starts to consider taking YOU out, you don’t need any other defense…
The quote is attributed to Clausewitz works ‘On War’, which is in turn based on the work of Sun Tzu and Mao tse Tung. In it he states that if party A does nothing but defend himself from party B then he will inevitably be worn down and defeated as the attacking party B is free to constantly regroup and attack endlessly. The only option to successfully defend against B is to go on the offensive and remove B’s attacking capabilities.
When you take an offensive stance you are striking first. You are pushing to get yourself in a winning position FIRST and forcing the opponent on the defense. Of course if you have a shitty offensive strategy, you will not win anything. More on that later….
But that’s the point. When you are in an offensive position, typically you have the advantage because you’ve already come up with enough tactics and strategies you feel will gain you the win. The person on defense is simply always in a RESPONDING position. Which means they cannot come up with any real tactics until after they have been attacked.
Think about it, when you have or when someone has been attacked, be it verbally or physically or emotionally, what happens? You are caught in THAT moment and are trying to figure out what to do next. Do you respond, walk away, fight back. Your head is spinning and trying to come up with the best tactic RIGHT AWAY to keep that person from attacking again. While you are doing all of this thinking on how to counter attack, the person on the offense (who has attacked you) is already making their next move because they had time to plan and execute before you could think.
By that point, as the explanation above states, you are so busy fighting and responding, you have no time to create tactics, except in the heat of the moment of responding. While some great tactics and strategies may come from last minute preparation or heat of the moment epiphanies, that is not a safe nor comfortable way to try to win battles. You aways want to have a clear head being fully able to execute, think out your choices, options, strategies and tactics – FIRST.
SPORTS AND WHAT DEFENSE & OFFENSE MEANS IN TERMS OF WINNING
If you look at games like Basketball and football even baseball, a team can have the best defense in the world. But if their offense cannot score and get points on the board THEY LOSE! Period. Points ultimately win the game.
In sports like basketball and football, if the offense on a particular team has done a superb job in scoring so many points above the opposing team (which is always the ultimate goal – to score as many points possible), that teams defense doesn’t have to extend as much energy trying to keep the opponents from scoring as the other losing teams defense would. All they have to do is work at keeping the other team from catching up.
However, if your offensive game is bad, your defense will be working overtime constantly trying to counter-attack and defend its position from the other team with a better offense and more scoring points on the board.
WHAT THIS GOTTA DO WITH BLACK WOMEN NEECY!???
In essence how this relates to BW and their lives are, BW are constantly finding themselves in a defensive position and being worn down and defeated because they never have any scoring points on the board. WHY? Their opponents on the offense STRUCK first and keep striking with tactics, strategies and techniques to keep BW on the responding defensive end, ultimately taking away the ability for BW to come up with their own strategies and techniques FIRST to be the one with the points on board.
UHM NEECY ARE YOU SUGGESTING I “ATTACK FIRST” BY KICKING THE LIVING CRAP OUTTA MY HATERS AND OPPONENTS?
Well since you mentioned it……NAH I’m just kidding. No! How a BW attacks on the offense is for example putting out various things that show your not buying what the haters are selling. That could be, being in the best physicals shape possible, not living up to stereotypes or negative expectations on BW, walking with your head held high. Having dignity and self respect. There are so many things BW can do to throw their opponents into defensive mode by simply being healthy, happy and loving yourself.
“THE DEVIL COMES TO KILL, STEAL, AND DESTORY!”
That is a popular saying that is often used by pastors in churches that I love and remind myself of when someone or something negative is trying to take me down. Below I listed the things and entities who could be considered the BW’s opponents.
— Any person, group, entity or thing that is constantly trying to keep your self esteem as low as possible.
— Any person, group, entity or thing that tries to convince you to do things against your own best interests as a BW.
— Any person, group, entity or thing, that realizes the only way they can keep winning is by keeping you DOWN and out.
— Any person, group, entity or thing, that has used shrewd tactics and strategies to gain your time, money and resources only to take them and dump your ass on the side of the road once they got what they needed.
— Any person, group, thing or entity, that wants to make you believe your lot in life is to serve others, be the caretaker for others, be a Captain – SAVE – A hoe, man, community etc., be the MAMMY, MULE, workhorse for others without reciprocation
— Any person, group, entity, or thing that tries to make you carry the burden of choices made by not just yourself but others as well
— Any person, group, entity, or thing that does not reciprocate or extend the same care, concern for you that you have done for them
__ Any person, group, entity, or thing trying to bamboozle you into accepting crappy images of yourself and womanhood to their own benefits and to your own collective demise
Shit, I can go on all day! I’ll stop there because you get thee point.
While BW are busy trying to counter-attack the opponents in defensive mode, Black women can never regroup and come up with strategies to win.
HOW DOES A BLACK WOMAN GET AN OFFENSIVE GAME THESE DAYS WHEN SHE IS ALWAYS IN A DEFENSIVE STANCE
In order to be that BW that has a good offensive game, you have to… WAIT FOR IT…… get yourself out of situations and away from people, entities and things that detract from you strategizing and coming up with ways to get winning points on the board for yourself!!!!!
You need to be in healthy environments, around healthy people, and in stable situations that enable you to strategize with a clear head.
When you have done this, you have put any anti BW attackers on the defense. HOW? They see you have your head right and your shit together and their job now is to try to take that away from you. But once you have already “seen tha light” rarely is there ever any turning back! There aint nothing like a free Black woman. And there aint nothing SCARIER to anti BW haters than a free from everyone’s shackles Black woman! Its a beautiful
thing THANG on this side and that is where a BW who has taken the offensive strategy STAYS.
And that is where your opponents will expend all their energies unsuccessfully because what they don’t know is, you done already created your laundry list of tactics and moves to keep you ahead of the game.
Your opponents on the defense cannot strategize EFFECTIVELY against you, because you keep hitting them first with winning tactics that are putting you ahead on the score board, leaving them left with counter-attacking and hoping for points from there.
When you are counter-attacking in any given situation, you are playing on the other teams/persons turf. You are not in a position to strategize effectively based on YOUR desires and needs. You are only coming up with ways to keep them from stomping you out of the game.
In essence, what I am saying is, when a Black woman is in defensive mode, you IMO have already begun to lose the battle. Looking around at the choices and decisions BW make these days, its the Tell Tale of what position we are in at the moment – and it aint the offensive position!
THIS SHOULD BE A START
Keep in mind what I am listing is NOT an exhaustive list. There are so many more things that what I have listed that BW can and NEED to do. And you will find them, if you follow my advice above.
SO. Ways in which BW can be on the offensive end vs. defensive end of life are:
— Get out of toxic places, away from toxic people, and remove toxic things from your life. I know that’s hard sometimes, but the more you practice and master this, the better off you will be mentally, emotionally and even physically.
— Have a full on vetting process in line for every person you allow into your intimate space and life (men and women, not just for relationships and dating, but in general anyone who will be apart of your close circle of friends, etc). Anyone who doesn’t pass, get put at arms length and in many cases removed from your space completely
— Do not engage obvious detractors seeking keep you from moving towards the North Star
— Have a set of values and guidelines you play by for YOURSELF and life and seek like minded people who share those same values and guidelines
— Always acknowledge *SINCERE* allies who have done something in your favor and reciprocate in some way.
DO NOT ignore people, things, or entities that actually extend some kind of compassion or showing some sincere concern for your happiness. This is how you build a network of solid allies. Always seek to be reciprocated and always reciprocate to those who have extended themselves to you.
— Money talks, bullshit walks.
Sowwy. Its true. Always try to put and keep yourself in a savvy financial winning situation, because people who have to depend on others to take care of them or help them constantly, put themselves in situations to be used and abused and to do things they may not want to do out of desperation.
For Black women as a COLLECTIVE, once we figure out how to make our finances work in OUR FAVOR as women, we can start demanding and getting the respect we deserve because MONEY talks.
— Break the chains.
If you grew up in a toxic CRAY CRAY or dysfunctional environment, have CRAY CRAY mommas and daddies or family members, recognize that doesn’t have to be your existence as an adult. Too many people sit and use their childhoods as a crutch for how they live their lives as adults.
LET.IT.GO. Get help or therapy. But once you become an ADULT no matter what has happened to you as a child, it is YOUR responsibility to choose the life you want to live thereafter.
It is YOUR responsibility to improve your self esteem and the way you feel about yourself. Because your abusers most likely have gone on with their shitty lives with very little regret about how they have done you.
When you keep claiming that others who have hurt you still run your emotional and mental or physical life, you still have placed all the power in their hands. Either take your power back and make the necessary steps and changes to own it, or just accept you are allowing yourself to be powerless and stop looking for pity!
— Recognize No one owes you anything.
If you have allowed yourself to sacrifice and be SUPER MAMMY for everyone and received nothing in return, then it was YOUR FAULT for not being on the offense and making sure that who you were sacrificing for has shown some kind of reciprocation before you made your second sacrifice. If you have sacrificed for someone who you know deep down had not earned that sacrifice in the first place and they show they wouldn’t spit on you if you were on fire? TOO BAD! Learn from that lesson and do not wash, rinse and repeat.
– Your self worth and validation as a BW should be controlled by YOU and you only! The minute you start placing your value and worth as a woman and BW into the hands of others, you’ve taken yourself out of offensive position to constantly be put on the defensive. WHY? Cause ain’t NO ONE, GROUP, ENTITY in these current times trying to put BW ahead of anything unless is for their greater benefit. Believe that! And when the chips fall and all the rah rahing you gave in support doesn’t pay off you are left once again LOSING and look dazed and
I think the point is clear. When a Black woman is in offensive position and she has a good game plan for herself, her opponents will eventually be worn down with all the tactics and strategies you have set forth for yourself to win. Eventually they will die off and lose the battle because they cannot stop you or catch up with what you have already scored for yourself.
— The key to avoiding sociopaths and abusers? OFFENSE! Don’t be that woman trying to figure out how to leave and get out safely! I can tell you sociopaths and abusers avoid women with a high self worth and a strong vetting process. They disappear verrrry quickly once they realize you cannot be preyed upon or run through the ringer and most importantly – ABUSED.
08 Sep 2014 36 Comments
This is pretty hard to watch so watch at your own risk.
And obviously while domestic abuse affects all women of all races, Black women next to Native American (they have the highest reported case of domestic violence at a staggering 34%) women get it the worse!
I wanted to post this because in a previous post Evia brought up a point that there have been studies showing that when Black women get hit by Black men, very little restraint is given and they hit with full force. Here’s the proof.
NFL runningback Ray Rice knocks out his fiancé in an elevator. First, he spits on her, then gets in elevator and kicks her. Then she attempts to hit him back and he punches her so hard he knocks her out.
TEN he drags her limp body out of the elevator, Drops her face first onto the floor, doesn’t bother covering her up Just stands there kicking her legs together. And she finally comes too, and a man comes to assist in helping her get up while that bastard Ray Rice just stands there.
Sorry. But more and more we are seeing why Black women are going to be in deep trouble if they don’t start removing themselves from toxic people, men and relationships. Domestic violence int eh Black community is not taken seriously. So its pretty common for Black women (be them victims or witnesses) to feel its not such a big deal for BW to be assault by their partners. Even Black women have become desensitized to domestic violence against Black women. SCAREY.
While its never shocking that victims of domestic violence may stay or return to their abusers, its even less shocking when you look at a community that doesn’t view Domestic violence as a big deal. The fact that Janay APOLOGIZED (previously in a news conference when the story first broke and Ray Rice was addressing the public about the situation) Janay APOLOGIZED for her part in the situation. HUH??? From what I saw she was spit upon and provoked.
Originally the NFL only suspended Ray for TWO GAMES – yes TWO GAMES. Now they claim to have seen the whole video, he has been stripped of his contract by the Ravens and suspended by NFL.
Keep in mind, Janay (his now wife) and Ray have a toddler daughter and have been together for over 6 years. He MARRIED her only after this incident to avoid her having to testify against him. LOL
Ladies I can tell you this, going back to any abuser but especially one who will knock you OUT, can mean death the next time around. We can only hope and pray Janay makes it out of this relationship ALIVE after this incident. I’m pretty sure this will not be the last we hear of Ray Rice abusing Janay.
We have to teach our daughters to avoid toxic relationships like this because apparently it becomes hard for women to leave even after incidents like this. We have to teach young Black girls DV is NOT NORMAL and should not be expected in a relationship no matter how many women in their families they’ve watched be abused.
Who knows what the bastard will do now that he has lost his contract. I am sure he will blame HER and find a way to assault her.
08 Sep 2014 10 Comments
Its shit like this that really keeps pushing more towards the Al Sharpton, Nancy Grace route but for Black women. I am just beyond fed up with this nonsense!
While Black women are out happily fighting that good fight for Black men in any kind of trouble,
Cases like this fly under the radar in which victimized Black women are once again kicked in the face by the justice system and the Black community who once again IGNORES a very serious issue.
Where is the media outrage? Where are your beloved White feminists and Black KINGs on this issue? Where is the BLACK COMMUNITY? Where is Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson????
This down syndrome looking bastard has over 16 counts of assault, sodomy and forcible rape against him, by 8 Black women (at least the ones who are coming forward) and he gets freed on BAIL?!
LOL Only in America! If his victims has been White women, he’d already be under the jail and damn sure would not even see the light of day unless the jury found him not guilty. I shudder to even think if this had been a Black police officer doing this to White women (some grandmothers).
THIS ladies, is why BWE keeps telling you to stop fighting other people’s battles! Because in the greater world Black women are being victimized and little to no justice is being served by the perpetrators.
Not to mention this bastards family has created a FACEBOOK SUPORT PAGE as well as a gofundme page to help him. Luckily, someone at GOFUNDME has a freaking conscious and shut down their funding page. But the fact a judge felt this monster deserves to be free on bond, says a lot about the value placed on Black women’s lives in this country.
Let’s look at the bright side (if there even is one). He got arrested. That’s a start. And arrested by his own police peers. Not sure how that judge agreed to let him out on bail when clearly his GPS tracking system backs up the stories of the 8 Black women who have told similar stories of how they were harassed and sexually assaulted, stalked and threatened by this savage.
What does this mean for Black women as a collective? That you or I or any woman with brown skin can be victims of any kind of violence and no one would give a shit. And that is why it’s important for BW to wake the hell up and start protesting for their own rights and issues to be heard and upheld because we are all at risk of being a victim with no justice.
The Black man nor Black community has any INTEREST in helping you or saving you or fighting for you!
The fact is, this monster preyed on vulnerable Black women because he knew most likely he would get away with it, or no one would believe him. And he gets funding campaigns and Facebook support pages started in his honor. LOL
The problem for the Black woman collective, no matter what economic background you come from, how educated or uneducated you are, is this could be you one day. And how would you feel knowing that no one gives a shit??? Does not sit well does it?
This type of shit just grates on me and further pushes me towards wanting to become the next Al Sharpton for Black women (without that horrible perm). LOL!!