“FEMININITY” AND REALTY TELEVISION – Biggest OXYMORON EVER!
24 May 2012 13 Comments
OMG A NEW POST???!!! How many decades ago was it when I made a new post about – something? LOL
Well I just had to write about this because its something that hit me the last couple weeks as I finally sat down and watched TV while being home sick.
Women and thier over masculine behavior on reality TV and why its so damn popular, amusing and accepted among the masses.
They have a bazillion shows (REALITY) in where women are acting straight fools. Fighting, cursing, acting like lunatic junior high school chicks with no upbrininging.
From Mob Wives, basketball Wives, Real Housewives of __________ (pick your city), bad girls club and the list goes on.
What is society trying to tell women? That its cute and acceptable to scream, curse, fight and act like you just had a BIG GULP from 7 eleven filled with testosterone???? So after viewing these horrid exampled of “womanhood” on television, I ventured to some of the twitter pages of these reality “celebrities” and when you look at the comments and the amount of fans and followers they have its plainly clear that women and men alike find their behavior acceptable and rewarding – so much that they have actual FANS. And no, its not just one race of women doing this. You can find these idiots on all ends of the racial spectrum acting like this in their perspective shows.
One twitter page from a chick who is on the Reality series “MOB WIVES” her twitter page description reads:
“IF YOU DON’T LIKE ME, GO HAVE A SEAT WITH THE REST OF THE BITCHES WHO ARE WATING FOR ME TO GIVE A FUCK”.
This is an adult woman with two young daughters!!! Talking like this. Unbelievable.
Our kids and girls of this generation do not stand a chance in hell to regain their femininity and womanhood with examples like this being displayed on Television.
Another show – basketball Wives – (none of these ghetto broads are even married to any basketball players), does a great job at showing how utterly sickening, immature and uncouth some Black women can be.
One of the wildabeasts on the show is an Amazonian loser named Tammy. She is a bully of maximum porportions and I sat and watched her bully this poor girl in the most sickening fashion. I mean it was actually heartbreaking to watch. I cannot BELIEVE in a time when BULLYING is at an all time high that literally there are campaigns and current public outcrys to end bullying that a television network would air such blatant bullying!
Just like Mob Wives, all these wildabeasts that think they were born “women” do is argue, fight and curse, argue, fight, curse …..
I mean really! It is so disheartening and sad at how women are portraying themselves on national television these days. There is no class or femininity whatsoever. It seems people today get off on watching women act like masculine crazies who fist fight and argue all the damn time.
R.I.P. Western femininity! Don’t know if I will ever see you again at this stage in the game. SMH
OK HERE’S THE DEELY
17 Apr 2012 124 Comments
Hi strangers!!!! 
Yes i have been completely MIA but i just want you to know that the last month and a half I have had some personal thinhgs going on as well as work and applying for school again that have taken up great loads of my time and focus. Then I was very sick for about a week and a half after getting really bad food posioning which knocked me off my feet.
SO. I’m baaaack! I can finaly say that i can start reposting again regularly. I will ask your help though as i am still busy in helping me with topics of interest. Marelles has been really good with offering up ideas and suggestions for new posts and I would appreciate anyone else to do so as it helps me to not have to try to think about what to post all the time myself.
Per personal emails i have decided to kee the NEST going and not change it 
Happy to be back I really miss you all!!!
FLIRTING BY WAY OF MANIPULATION AND GAME PLAYING
19 Mar 2012 76 Comments
FLIRTING WHILE COMMITTED
A lot of people have many ideas about flirting. Some think its healthy others think it’s useful in the right predicament and situation and some people despise it. I tend to feel flirting is healthy as long as no one is being hurt or made to feel like they have to compete for someone who is already with them in a relationship.
COMPETING FOR SOMEONE WHO IS ALREADY SUPPOSEDLY “YOURS” IN A LTR
I have noticed that there are a lot of insecure men and women out there who use flirting as a measuring stick to determine their value or desirability. As well, these same individuals also use flirting as a way to make their SO’s feel equally insecure and constantly feeling as if they could easily lose that person b/c the other party is constantly seeking to show that he or she has the ability to “move on” to greener pastures if they chose. They show this by constantly opening themselves up to other attractive persons of the opposite sex in front of their already SO’s. The only people who fall for this line of *thinking* are IDIOTS.
No man or woman with half a brain will suddenly buy into this idea that their partners constant flirting with others in front of them is proving how desirable they are. All it proves is that they have little to no concern for the feelings of the person they are in a committed relationship with.
Nowadays people flirt with others for shits and giggles. That means that just b/c someone is flirting with you doesn’t always means they really have an interest. Sometimes a certain setting simply calls for people being openly flirtatious with others even if they have no real interest. And many times outsiders who flirt with those already taken are not doing it b/c they really DESIRE that taken person necessarily, but many times they are doing it from a self-satisfaction standpoint to see if they can simply cause a man or woman to do the ultimate swipe to their SO by flirting back with them.
Hence once the ego is fed, the person has no more use for the idiot in the LTR thinking they are proving something to their partner by being a dickhead or biatch trying to put their partners on the spot in an awkward and negative manner. Anyone basing their self-worth on people flirting with them is equally stupid and lacking insight. Also, any guys who have tried this with me get laughed at and tossed aside b/c game playing and manipulation by desperation is not my thing.
I think it’s piggish and severe insecurity that makes a person feel they have to “keep their partners on their toes ” by using flirting as a way to do so. If a person has to keep their partner on their toes by flirting with other individuals in front of them, then it’s very telling that the flirting partner is insecure in their relationship and doesn’t have what it takes to maintain a relationship in a healthy and ethical manner without using manipulative tactics to keep someone (who is also obviously equally insecure if they put up with this behavior)around.
A person who truly has all the options in the world doesn’t need to flaunt it. It’s already noted just by the response they receive from others. I have been with or around guys who have to do NOTHING to get positive responses from women. They do not even need to flirt back. It’s already noted their desirability simply by how others are drawn to them. They do not need to go out of their way to openly flirt with others of the opposite sex to “prove” they are desirable to others.
Also, a person who lacks concern for the feelings of their partner is a loser who doesn’t deserve a healthy partner and rather should be with an equally pathetic ego seeking desperate for outside approval person where they both can go out and play stupid manipulative games with each other to see who can get the most flirts or do the most flirting in a public setting to prove how “desirable” they are. *All i can do is LOL at the mindset Of some people!*
Any person who allows themselves to be treated with such disdain and disrespect by an insecure partner gets what they deserve if they believe in any way that their partner’s consistent outright flirting with other individuals of the opposite sex in front of them shows their desirability. All it really shows is they are DESPERATE to prove something and that they are testing you! Relationships should not be tests. If you find yourself with someone who is constantly trying to “test” you once you are in a relationship, then it’s time to definitely move on b/c that person truly has issues and cannot seem to resolve their own internal issues with themselves and their value without dragging someone else through the mud to validate themselves.
FLIRTING FOR THE SINGLE GUY/GAL
Flirting is a wonderful tool for single people to use to gain and attract interest in someone they have an interest in. It’s a great Segway and temperature reading to know if the person you are attracted to is also attracted to you and whether you should pursue or not. It can also be very fun and create a lot of sexual tension in a good way when done in the right way. I am very pro flirting in the SMP if you are looking to meet a SO or just looking to meet people based on what you mission or goal is whether that be – hooking up or finding a LTR or simply having a multitude of STR’s. Either way flirting is healthy between men and women and should be used in the RIGHT predicament – the “RIGHT” predicament is *NOT* when you are already in a committed relationship with someone else!
If you constantly need approval from the opposite sex on your “desirability” then why the fuk would you even enter into a relationship? If your partner’s validation of being with you isn’t enough, then you need to not be in a relationship or with that person b/c their attraction to you is not enough to your satisfaction.
FANNING THE FLIRTING FLAMES OF FLOOSIES (yes this includes male floozies)
As I previously said, if you are in a relationship, YET still need others approval on your desirability through flirting then just recognize you are not relationship material. The point of being in a committed relationship with someone and making the DECISION to do so, is supposed to say that you are content with being with one person and having that one person’s attention and affection. People who are not satisfied with the approval of the person they CHOSE to be in a relationship with, should simply avoid LTR’s! It’s that simple. Ok so a person cannot help if they are in a relationship and finds that others are attracted to them and seek to initiate flirting or showing interest. That is not the problem per se.
There are a lot of bold, insecure and simply selfish people out there today who do not respect other people’s relationships and partners. They (usually women) will often go out of their way to prove they are desirable by flirting with someone else’s man right in front of them. Often times it’s done for a competitive edge and for ego building. Either way it doesn’t matter what SOMEONE else is doing b/c that cannot be controlled to a certain degree – it’s always left up to your partner to show no interest in feeding into that. Yes it’s flattering to be desirable to others whether you are in a relationship or not. But it should not reach levels of outright feeding unless you are the kind of person who depends on others validation to feel completely desirable to your partner. The problem is when a person who is in a relationship feeds into other people who are flirting with them who know they are in a relationship or even better knowing their SO is standing right there with them. It is the job of the person in the relationship to halt that in some manner if their partner is being put in an awkward situation.
NO NEED TO BE GHETTO, LOUD AND OBNOXIOUS
This does not mean that one has to get ghetto loud and obnoxious and tell someone “STOP FLIRTING WITH ME YOU DUMB MOFO OR YOU DUMB BIATCH! DON’T YOU SEE MY WIFE/HUSBAND/GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND IS STANDING RIGHT HERE!?”
Nope not necessary at all. All a person has to do is not respond to it. You can still be nice and cordial to a person who is flirting with you in front of your SO without being rude and send out the signal or sign that you are with someone. I have seen people do a number of things to let a person know they are taken and not down for making their partner feel awkward. Some will just smile and end the conversation or interaction once it becomes clear the person is crossing that line and disrespecting their partner by being overtly flirtatious. Others will mention something in conversation about their SO in a subtle yet telling way to let the other person know it’s not that kind of party. And some will outright tell the other party that while they are flattered by their attention, they are there with someone or are in a relationship. There are so many things a person can do to fan the flirting flames of some male or female floosy without making a scene or being rude. You can still be friendly and nice and still look out for your partner’s best interest.
People who do not do this are self focused only and should be dumped immediately b/c they are not interested in their partners feelings. I find there are two types of people who handle flirting from other men and women in two different ways.
As a woman, the man I am with will be number 2 and never a number 1. I don’t need some insecure dood whose self-worth lies in other women flirting with him while simultaneously taking a jab and disrespecting his g/f or SO or wife. If he isn’t secure enough in our relationship to know that I am with him based on my own desire of him and not what others think of him, then he needs to bounce and remain single.
Guy/Gal #1: Eats it up. Their self-worth and ego suddenly implodes to the size of the Atlantic Ocean when other attractive members of the opposite sex are around and are openly flirting with them in front of their partners. Their self-worth solely depends on OTHERS APPROVAL and not their partners. They are not secure in their committed relationships and obviously feel a lacking somewhere within. They believe b/c of that LACK that at any given time their partner will leave or lose interest. As a result, they use others outside of the relationship as a way to fill or “correct” what they feel they are lacking and hope that this will seal some sort of idea in their partners mind that they are super desirable with a boatload of options.
People who play this game have little to no regard for the feelings of their partners and they also have a very unhealthy way of seeking to maintain their desirability and relationships. The only way they can feel they can keep a partner interested in them is by showing that they can openly flirt with others as if that proves something.
GUY/GAL #2: They aren’t moved by flirtatious others of the opposite sex. Usually b/c they are so used to it and it really means nothing to them b/c they are happy in their relationships. People who respond in this matter to flirting while in a LTR are people who truly are secure with the options they have and are secure in the fact they know they are bringing everything they need to the table with their SO thus, not feeling the need to “keep them on their toes” by making them angry, insecure or feeling awkward b/c they are putting them in a position to feel that way by their response to others of the opposite sex.
I have dated both types of guys in the past and I can honestly say I am glad there are still men out there who no matter how hot or beautiful a woman is, once they make the decision to be in a committed relationship with someone nothing can pull him out of that or make him feel he needs to constantly “TEST” his partner b/c he within himself is happy with what he is bringing to the table (and what his partner is bringing to the table).
A more *TRADITIONAL* Alpha or monkey in the middle type is able to handle female attention towards him in a non chalant manner and not be so moved buy it b/c he knows deep down that if he wants to move onto greener pasture he will without all the game playing and manipulation tactics. Guys and girls with options who have made a conscious decision to be in a LTR will often subtly and nicely fan the flirting flames of male and female floozies. It becomes a win-win for all parties involved. The flirting floozies won’t feel completely kicked to the curb, the SO will be happy they are with someone who respects their feelings, and the center of attention can feel confident that he/she made everyone feel happy in a scenario that could have gotten really really ugly.
Guys or girls who relish in creating tension between their SO’s, themselves and outsiders in public settings by feeding into an already awkward and tension filled situation are troublemakers of the worst kind! They should always be avoided or dumped upon seeing their need for starting and creating drama where there doesn’t need to be any.
Guys and girls like number 1 are to be avoided by healthy mature people. These kinds of persons are constantly seeking validation AND DRAMA at the expense of their SO’s feelings and no person in their right mind would view that behavior as DESIRABLE or making their SO look more desirable. In fact they look stupid, desperate and lacking.
As a woman I would suggest to other women who find themselves constantly in these scenarios to allow your man to handle the situation. If he chooses to play along and think it’s cute to have you in an awkward situation while he is feeding the egos of disrespectful floozies testing your resolve then toss his sorry insecure drama seeking ass aside. He is not worth your time nor energy in the long haul.
Fellas if you are with a woman that is constantly trying to prove her desirability to you by flirting with other men or responding to men who are openly flirting with her in front of you, drop the biatch like a bad habit (she is a bad habit) b/c there is nothing worse in the world than an insecure woman (or man) in a LTR needing and seeking validation from others.
People if you are not sure your partner likes you enough without the use of others as a tool to test their desire of you, or if you feel the only way you can keep your partner around is by doing stupid shit like flirting with other people in front of them constantly, then you need help and definitely need to stay out of LTR’s!
Remember: people with REAL OPTIONS do not need to prove it, b/c it will be noticed without them even trying. Game playing and manipulation by flirting to keep your partner interested in you is for the birds!
*SIGH* ME SUCKY SUCKY!!!
08 Mar 2012 56 Comments
Oh boy I know I’ve SUCKED as a blogstress and abandoned you all in the last few weeks I sowwwy.
guys I wish I could tell you about all the things going on right now but maybe one day when i am famous and when it won’t matter anymore I will
All i know is right now things are a bit crazy and I know I haven’t been keeping up with blog posts as promised but its really difficult at this moment with all the things going on in my life at this moment.
I hope you all will hang in there with me, b/c I really have big plans for the blog in the near future. I’m going to need a week before i can actually make any official blog posts but i will be able to still post and chit chat about random things if anyone wants to just talk.
Like i said i wish I could tell you guys everything, but just can’t… All i ask is that you stck with me and be patient, and things will get back to normal as well as me being able to start making blog posts and other things I have planned for the blog in the next few months once I get settled.
I will still be posting random stuff, but i can’t committ to a normal neecy nest blog post until at least next week.
Thanks for your understanding 
Love ya!
Neecy
HAPPY BDAY TO NEECY!!!!
02 Mar 2012 47 Comments
WOOT WOOT Let’s count it down Peeps! Leaving for vegas in a few hrs. and I am going to paint the town fer sher! I’ll see ya on Monday with all the deets 
*wait, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas* oops sorry. Maybe I’ll share one or two things since I love you all so much.
ECONOMIC COLLPASE OF AMERICA?
27 Feb 2012 71 Comments
Omerta posted a very interesting article in the previous post about how Wyoming is seeking to draw up a doomsday plan in the likely event the USA has an economic/gov’t collapse (which we are on the verge of anyway).
I figure I have quite a few intelligent and well versed men here (and i find men typically are very knowledgeable about more political and economic things) and would like to get some ideas on how Americans who are well aware of what is happening but unsure what to do can do.
While I know this is not keeping with the blogs theme, its an important issue to me b/c I have frequeted boards in the past who have also alerted to this reality and I am looking at the most probable and realistic way that i as an individual can prepare for this God forbid we have a gov’t or economic collpase.
Please feel free to discuss here any ideas or suggestions you have.
Thanks!
NEW & IMPROVED? But for who?…
20 Feb 2012 94 Comments
Its human nature to want to be impressive to others and to hopefully make yourself a better person physically, emotionally and mentally in some way. But I find many people take it to the extremes in the wrong way only to end up back where they originally started b/c they lost focus of what the real mission was for self-improvement.
This especially happens in the SMP where men and women are constantly seeking to improve their prospects for mating. Of course many times what improving ones prospects means for both men and women can vary, but it all boils down to the same mission – to be a better more appealing person in some way.
Unfortunately, . It seems the biggest motivation many people have in bettering themselves is for the external approval of others FIRST and everything else (including for themselves) being second. Once they accomplish whatever it is they feel they lack to be a better looking or a better person in the eyes of others, they become defined by that – until the inevitable happens and they lose whatever it is they gained to make them favorable in the eyes of other shallow people.
In the flirtation post, Sophia brought up how one of her friends (who is an *AVERAGE LOOKING* woman) only makes herself sexually and romantically available to men who are no less looking than an Abercrombie and Fitch model (Waaaay *ABOVE AVERGAE LOOKING*). Sophia told us of an average guy who works with her friend that likes her. Her friend has already friend zoned this guy b/c he is not perfect enough looking for her AVERAGE LOOKING self. YET, despite this, he has spent time “improving” himself physically to appeal to and be more attractive to this shallow chick that only sees right through him. He has taken on PX90 to “buff up” and get in shape simply to make himself more attractive to * this chick* thinking this is what he needs to do to make her see him as a potential intimate partner.
Can anyone tell me what’s wrong with this picture? and what’s gonna happen when or even *IF* she does suddenly give his newly Adonis shaped muscle bound body a chance & she stresses him out and he eats one cheeseburger too many? YEP, you guessed it, he’ll fall off the wagon, she’ll fall of the wagon and go back to chasing the guys she desires most, and whatever he defined himself by for the sake of her approval will no longer be around for support and he’ll fall right back to that pathetic schlub he was before he buffed up for Miss delusions of grandeur. Happens all.the.time. His only real motivation to improve himself lies in seeking that reinforcement in one person – who has already proven and shown to be quite shallow. Not healthy at all!
But why do people do this? It’s one thing to want to improve your looks or physical self or material possessions for your own purposes of internal satisfaction or mental and emotional health, but it’s another thing to do it for external approval which will usually only be temporary god forbid you fall off the wagon. I was reading Heartiste’s one day and this poster made a great point about this. Of course his response was more in the realm of game and a man improving himself in that arena but it speaks across to almost anyone in any situation. A poster had brought up a point about a friend of his who was struggling to meet women b/c he feels that he is 1-15 lbs overweight and that if he loses the 10-15 lbs. his prospects would simply be better. YES his prospects would get better, but what is his real motivation behind losing the 10lbs.? Is it truly to simply be better looking and healthier in general or b/c he simply feels that is the only thing keeping him from attracting women (and not his confidence or character). Here was his response is here. You can read the whole thread tree and response http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2011/12/19/street-smarts-game-and-the-white-underclass/ (it’s made by commenter Ya Really – Dec 20 @ 3:24pm and 4:43 pm) but I wanted to highlight a key point/concept that he made that really seems to be lost on most people who do this:
…….Only after they throw all that away and learn to base their identity on their core (“what do I value?” “what are my boundaries?” “what behavior do I accept from myself and others?” “what are my goals in life?” “who AM I?”) are they finally free from the shackles of limiting beliefs and ego protection and ready to really step into their potential with game.
…..If the 10lbs friend achieved his goal weight then ate a few cheeseburgers he would no longer feel high value and change his behavior around people because he wouldn’t allow himself to feel high value since his identity is attached to his weight. That’s how fragile his confidence is.
He’s right! A person can make all of the physical & materialistic improvements and changes they want. But if they haven’t got their mind right and are more focused on improving themselves to please others all that will happen is when they have a bad day and eat a cheeseburger and gain that 10 lbs. back, lose that good job that provided them all the material possessions to floss and impress others, lose their looks, or whatever else it was they sought to gain to get external approval from others, they will fall back to that person they were before they made those external changes.
If a person wants to change something about themselves, that change should be rooted in long term success for bettering themselves for their own mental, emotional and physical health. A person that defines themselves solely by what others think is a person setting themselves up for failure. That’s b/c people these days are fickle. They will like you while things are good, but will dump and turn on you the minute you can no longer live up to that person you defined yourself by for shallow reasons.
This is a key thing that people should remember. This applies to the schlub working overtime to impress a chick that sees right through him. In his eyes all he needs are more muscles to be that guy she wants. But when the muscles disappear, then what? People who define themselves by superficial things externally b/c they feel that will make them more appealing to others, are attaching their identities to whatever *flaw* it is they feel they have, and feel that by improving that *flaw* it will change their prospects. It may for the short-term. But not the long term if the person hasn’t really changed who they are for their core internal reasons.
In other instances a person who desperately changes themselves for the external approval of others and who ignores their inner core needs and desires first, often will find themselves in a downward spiral b/c they cannot cope with what it takes to maintain that goal they are seeking.
THE SMP
In the SMP, a man for instance (like the example I used above) will believe that improving his financial status, looks, or game will increase his potential with women. This is true in some instances – but ONLY if his core is solid and comes first. It will almost always only be temporarily if he has the wrong mindset. If that man only works on the surface and not from within he’s gonna fail. He may luck up and temporarily make some gains but will find himself always back at square one even when he has made improvements.
It’s like the bitter reformed beta guy who has now made some significant improvements in his external status and life who instead is not working at strengthening his core as a person so that he can have better relationships across the board for the long haul – he has more money, great job, improved his game and looks, but still walks around holding onto grudges against women or people of the past who wronged him, ignored him or saw him as a schlub. So his real mission is not really to improve himself for HIMSELF, but rather to improve himself to be in a position to talk down about all the women of the past who mistreated him, and how his prospects are more increased now b/c of his new and improved changes. His real missions are to make gains in his life for getting back at others. How do you think this person will fare later on? If he loses his job, or cannot maintain his new physique or looks? He’ll be back at square one blaming the external factors for why he cannot make gains in life or his relationships with women.
Same applies to the women out there who make all these wonderful physical changes to themselves to be more appealing to men only to find their minds are still messed up.
About 2 years ago I lived in an apartment complex and I had a neighbor who was a make-up artist in the pornography industry. We both lived in this complex for about 4 years and became fairly close and we would often talk. She was a beautiful girl who was on the voluptuous side. She had natural full breasts and was quite shapely and she even had a flat stomach with slight flab that could have easily been lost if she had worked out. I would never call her FAT but she could stand to lose about maybe 10-15lbs. to be at her peak shape physically.
She had a b/f who she had been seeing for about 6 years who was overweight and quite nerdy looking. But they were really close and he adored her and was always there for her. She often would talk about her weight and how she wanted to lose, but I never felt she had too much of a self-esteem issue b/c she knew how to really doll herself up when going out. But working around very thin women with fake boobs and who were always dolled up made her insecure as time went on.
The final straw for her extreme change was when she got into an argument over money owed to her with a porn star on set that she was doing make up for. This porn start basically called her a fat cow in front of everyone and they all took the side of the thin pretty porn girl even though she was clearly guilty of not paying my friend the money she owed her.
So one day she just started doing extreme things to get the weight off. Within about a month and a half she had lost about 40 lbs. I won’t lie, she looked amaaaazing! I was happy for her. She and her b/f had tried all kinds of diets and such and I guess it never really worked. While she had lost a ton of weight fairly quickly and unhealthily and became much hotter than she previously was, her b/f remained in his frumpy state. Of course as one gets hotter, ones options increases with the opposite sex. But she also started hanging around new female and male friends from the porn industry (who suddenly wanted to be around her b/c she was thinner, and also most likely b/c she had more confidence which was solely attached to being thinner).
As a result, some of the women she started hanging with turned her onto very unhealthy things to keep her weight off and remain skinny. She started taking RX pain killers, starving herself, taking diet pills. She also had naturally full perfect breasts and she went and got BREAST IMPLANTS! UGH! For what? She didn’t need them. But as her quest to be more and more perfect grew, she started doing all these crazy things to herself to maintain her new look and to deal with the emotional strain of trying to maintain these things unhealthily. She started depending on pills to keep her from being stressed out and eating. She eventually dumped her b/f of several years and started dating a guy in the porn industry. She dumped all of her good friends.
One morning I was going out somewhere and she was outside smoking and she asked me if she could talk with me. I was telling her how jealous I was of her new life and how I was thinking about doing some of the extreme things she did to get my weight off (diet pills). She told me flat out that she was miserable and always filled with anxiety b/c she knows gaining the weight back will cost her the new friends, the new guys, and life she has. This is how important the external is to her than her own internal emotional well-being and mental health.
Eventually it got to a point where I could not even hold a conversation with her over the phone or in person b/c she was so high off of pills and whatever else she was doing that she would have severely slurred speech.
The point I am making in this example is, this ex neighbor/friend was defined by her weight loss as the one thing that would make her life perfect and make people like her. She was solely looking to seek approval from those who saw her as the frumpy chick who “would be pretty if she lost weight”.
So this friend hastily and desperately decided she needed to lose weight “to show them” how beautiful she could be. And while she did, her core was so fucked up b/c she needed to do drastic things to keep her from facing the demons that were still there inside. I haven’t seen her since and I am not sure if she has gained the weight back, if she is doing porn herself now or what. But this is a true case of someone really defining themselves by the wrong external factors, changing themselves, ad being unable to mentally cope with these changes b/c they were not made for core reasons of simply improving her health and life.
I am a person always seeking to improve myself physically, mentally and emotionally. And while I am quite aware that with improved changes in those areas, come improved prospects and reinforcement from others, I am also well aware that I have to do it for me *FIRST* and foremost and ask myself the questions WHY I want to make the changes in my life as the commenter pointed out on Heartiste’s above.
What are the core reasons that you as a person wants to make changes is a question we should all ask ourselves. If the first and second things that keep coming up are b/c of external reasons or other people first, then please re-evaluate your mission and goal b/c it will all be in vain later on, sometimes when it’s too late. I do hope my friend hasn’t gotten to the point of return, b/c a lot of people do and it’s quite tragic.
MY APOLOGIES
15 Feb 2012 42 Comments
hey everyone I know I have been MIA this week but my gosh workload is crazy as company has rolled out a brand new initiative and its taking a lot of time. Things should be back to normal by end of week and I have a post written I just have to editand fine tooth comb it up. Will be up by end of week. PROMISE and thanks for your patience.
:)
CHECK MATE!
02 Feb 2012 113 Comments
Everyone has their own definitions on what makes a quality mate. Some even make these insane long lists on what traits and things they want specifically in a man or woman. Of course that list usually gets shortened once a person realizes that, uuuuh, yeah that number 5 requirement that they be *BORN* naturally and completely hairless in all the wrong places and with hair in all the right places (on top of the head ONLY) prolly aint going to get you closer to that potential guy or gal.
But if one is realistic they can find themselves closer to what makes a person a really good companion. Of course when you live in a generation of people who are shallow or Batshit, it makes it harder to get closer to that guy or gal that would be an almost perfect fit.
As we can all see in today’s generation – anything goes when it comes to choosing a partner. We live in such a superficial era and time where people are often basing judgments on someone’s value on things like how they look and if they have the perfect body, height and measurements. We are in a media culture in which “REALITY” TV has taken over the airwaves and has presented itself as “reality”. So we see reality stars with perfect teeth, boobs, muscles, hair, lifestyles and think that they are living the average person’s life b/c it’s “reality” and so called “unscripted”. Sorry having a camera follow you around doing stupid shit does not constitute reality! Anyway, I digress… where was I?
In most of modern media culture when we see the “perfect” relationships it’s usually the people who look the best, have the most money, most popular are used as some kind of measuring stick to determine what makes a person valuable.
Also we live in a time of paranoia when it comes to love and relationships and both men and women often skimp on the most important things needed in a partner to have a great relationship out of fear of being alone. Things typically avoided and/or not even considered like:
– Is the person SANE NOT BATSHIT CRAZY
– Is the person KIND
– Is the person well rounded
– Easy to get along with
– Without baggage
– Drama free
– Of good character
Instead the focus is always FIRST and many times ONLY on:
– Looks and looks ONLY
– Are they tall enough
– Do they have the perfect measurements
– Do they have the perfect job
– Are their boobs big enough
– Is their ass small/big enough
– Is their chest and shoulders broad enough
I could go on.
DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR
Too many people today don’t truly know their own real SMP value and where they fit in – that is b/c they typically are overestimating it to sometimes RIDONKEYLOUS degrees.
A lot of people demand in a partner what they themselves are not. Example. I had a friend who at one point was overweight. A guy on the job who was about the same weight as her and who was not physically fit liked her. She liked a guy who was very cut up and very fit and muscular. That guy likes women who were in physical fitness shape like himself. The fat guy around her weight asks her out one day and she turns him down. We speak on the phone and she sounds aggravated at the fat guy asking her out b/c “she is just not attracted to fat men”. She goes onto say that fit bodied man doesn’t seem to have an interest in her as she has shown a great deal of interest in him. So I ask her why she feels she can judge a man who has the same problem as her (being overweight)? I also asked her what makes her think that she deserves a “fit” man when she herself is not “fit”? UH OH! Well needless to say she got pissed and upset b/c I basically told her she cannot demand what she isn’t herself. And dammit Neecy will always be right when it comes to this!
That mentality is not one that plagued just this former friend – it plagues more people than the law should allow! Mostly average people who think they should just be able to snatch up any highly above average person while looking down on their equally average counterparts. I’m not sure if there is a name for this unfortunate delusional disease but I call it the “GETHAFUKOUTTAHERE! YOU CAN’T BE FOR REALZ???” disease.
Ladies and gentlemen, there is nothing wrong with dreaming, fantasies, and delusions of grandeur as long as they stay in your head while you are sleeping and lying on a pillow or daydreaming at work. But once you start trying to apply those delusions of grandeur in your personal life, it’s time to REFLECT on REALITY. This is not to say that one should not think highly of themselves. But thinking highly of yourself should always be kept in perspective. Often times we overestimate our potential if we don’t stay realistic on other factors that would make us highly appealing to top notch persons.
The reality is A lot of people will grossly overestimate their value OR know they are not on the same level of what they seek and still feel entitled to get who and what they want – just b/c. SOWWY don’t work that way! Some will hold out until that day (that will never come), some actively pursue those way out of their leagues to disappointing results, and some keep hoping, wishing and praying they can land a super high value partner while they are still at mediocre level. Sometimes a person may “luck up” and manage to snag some higher value partner with mostly disasterous results which usually are:
– they get used b/c they are obviously desperate and lower on the scale and willing to accept less than stellar behavior and character from the higher value partner
– they will end up with crazies and lunatics and try to overlook the obvious b/c of their shallow issues
– Will keep getting dumped and/or ending up in dead end relationships all the time
Those just to name a few.
WATER SEEKS ITS OWN LEVEL – AND SHOULD!
In Neecy’s world (talk about delusions of grandeur eh? HA!), the ideal pairing is LIKE with LIKE. My philosophy is drive within your lane. There is nothing wrong with reaching for the stars in education, your career, physical fitness, in Mars, doing a hobby, task etc. But sorry in the mating game, if you are not on the same level of what you reach for, then you really need to re-evaluate what it is that makes you believe you are deserving of the best when you, yourself may not be the best. Of course I am not just talking about looks. I am talking about what one is bringing to the table in general.
If you are jobless, have missing teeth, lazy, fat, smelly and you are seeking a partner that is well put together in almost every aspect, then sorry you are not “deserving” of that person just b/c you want that.
If people were more realistic about what they were bringing to the table when it comes to their SMV in the SMP and what they could get realistically in a partner, there would be a lot more happy people in good *SOLID* relationships.
But nowadays everyone wants to keep up with the “perfect ideal mate” joneses and thus why people either:
(1) End up in consistent dead end relationships
(2) Being used
(3) In relationships that are full of drama
(4) End up with crazies or lunatics who abuse them
ONE SIZE FITS ALL – Should only apply to trouser socks and knee high panty hose. NOT people
Often times men and women take a One Size Fits All approach to the opposite sex and their value. While there may be certain generalities that can apply to the sexes, once you start living by them, you become focused solely on generalities and not the individual person. There is no “ALL” of anything. People need to start recognizing people as individuals. While it’s okay to look at certain characteristics a person may have and determine if it will work out for you in the long run that are fine. But if you just assume and jump to conclusions that a “certain type” of man or woman is best while all others aren’t, you will find yourself limited when it comes to finding the quality person you say you want.
WHAT MAKES A QUALITY MATE AND QUALITY RELATIONSHIP?
I think that it does take time these days to find quality people for long-term relationships b/c everyone is all about quick, fast and easy. Impatience in the new patience. But if a person is realistic about what they want in a mate, I think eventually they will succeed in finding a quality person for a lasting relationship if that is what they are seeking and if they are of quality themselves.
NEECY’S *REALISTIC* One Size Fits All Approach to finding the best quality partner
– Attraction & Maturity
Attraction & Maturity go hand in hand. Maturity is about being reasonable. Attraction is not COMPLEEETLY about looks. It is about looks but not completely or wholly. You can be Attracted to a person and their looks may or may not be the only thing completing that attraction. It could be that something in the way they walk, talk, their conversational style, charmingness or other things that have going for them that you connect with or find appealing. Basically attraction to me is a coupling of external and internal factors working together to make you want to be with a person– it’s not just based on ONE factor of the internal or external.
Let’s face reality, if you look at a person and cannot imagine intimacy with them, you cannot force that and shouldn’t. You have to be able to see yourself waking up every morning to that face, giving them oral sex, and having hot monkey sex with them on a regular basis. Can you picture that with said potential partner? NO? Keep it moving cause it almost never comes later. If you cannot see yourself romantically with someone, it’s best to avoid if you want to have a healthy and happy quality relationship. BUT the caveat to that is, often times people are too overly particular about looks and there were things they could have compromised on and still have been attracted to the person but didn’t b/c they expected 90-100% perfection.
But if you are a reasonable and mature person, If the external comes up a *little* short you have internal qualities that you will look to that can make the person more attractive. But, if a person has HIGH un realistic or too shallow expectations on external factors, they will often not find themselves in quality relationships. Maturity is KEY for a person to be able to see that attraction is not solely on a person’s looks although it may play a greater portion at first.
– Similar interests/goals.
This is a huge problem (especially in dead marriages and LTR’s) that is hardly ever applied as a general intial rule of thumb after passing the physical attraciton stage – eople getting together and not being compatible in terms of their common goals and interests. These persons may have had solely physical attraction with nothing else and thought physical attraction alone would carry the relationship and/or marriage. NOT! If you are one looking for ONS or just temporary flings, that stuff doesn’t matter. But if you are looking for LTR and/or marriage it matters GREATLY. Physical attraction is only an initial trigger on whether you want to move to the next step with that person. It should not be used as a measuring rod on whether the person will make a good partner over the long haul.
As those initial feel good infatuation feelings start to subside (it will in mostly all cases) the two people in that relationship better have something else to look forward to in terms of each other and to keep the interest level high at all times. People need to start communicating more about what the expectations are for a relationship they are entering.
Is one person religious or spiritual and the other person not? Will this pose a problem later? Does one person want kids and the other doesn’t? Does one person want marriage and the other person doesn’t? Does one person smoke and the other person disgusted with smoking? Does one partner like to travel and the other not? Does one partner like outdoorsy activities and the other person doesn’t? Does one person like to bathe and the other doesn’t? Does one partner prefer living in hotter regions and the other in more colder regions? All these are important things that need to be discussed early and even before entering into a committed relationship. There are many other things that should be discussed but that covers just a couple basics. If you don’t have basic common goals and interests, consider yourself in a STR that will end once the infatuation period has died down.
– Avoid Physical Nazis.
Physical Nazis should definitely be avoided for LTR’s or marriage b/c physical things don’t last forever over the long haul. People who are focused greatly on looks are better suited for STR’s and/or not serious relationships at all. That way they can continue the chase for the perfect looking partner at all times without hurting someone. Looks eventually fade and there are always better looking people. A person stuck on looks or who places high value on looks alone is a high risk partner for LTR’s and marriage b/c of that. That is b/c they are typically never satisfied on a physical level. A person solely focused on looks will always see better looking people and feel they can replace their current mate with a better looking person. They are constantly looking to upgrade. As soon as a better looking potential comes along, they are out the door if they have the ability to do so. It wouldn’t take much to tempt them into the arms of another person who was better looking than their current partner.
On the flip side a person that places great emphasis on two pronged attraction (internal AND external) will most likely stick it out with a person who they are at least attracted to romantically but places greater importance on other things they bring to the table once they get to know and love them as a person with more qualities than their looks. That way if some better looking individual comes along, they will most likely not dump their current partner solely b/c they had an opportunity to upgrade and be with a better looking person who may or may not be compatible. As long as their current partner is able to maintain some level of attractiveness to their standards, they will stick it out for the long haul. With that also comes the idea that people should always seek to maintain their level of attractiveness for their mate b/c the external is HALF of the equation.
– Mental and emotional health.
Very important. Of course people cannot help if they are mentally ill or have severe emotional damage. But it’s not another person’s responsibility to have to take up that person’s issues and problems. If you are a relatively healthy person emotionally and mentally, being with a person with compromised emotional and mental health will pose a problem later down the road. Sometimes future problems that can become so severe they can ruin the emotionally and mentally sane person’s life. Water needs to seek its own level – especially in these cases.
A person with childhood issues, trauma (emotional) and/or mental diseases should not be with a person who doesn’t share those same problems. It’s a major burden on the healthier person. Healthy people need to seek healthy people for relationships. That’s the only way for things to work. Emotionally unhealthy or traumatized people need to be with others who have had the same kind of experiences and who have overcome them and who could understand them in some way. No one owes it to anyone to have to take on their burdens in a relationship. So I say avoid people with too many issues, drama, baggage, trauma, mental diseases, childhood problems they are still plagued by and not working through. All it will do is pose problems later down the line. It may sound cold but it is what it is. Too many times do I see emotionally healthy people ruined b/c they voluntarily involved themselves with a crazy or lunatic when they should have and could have been avoided altogether. If a person clearly involves themselves with an individual that has clear signs of crazy or emotional and mental instability, then they get what they ask for.
I am sure there are some I left out so feel free to add. The point is, quality is about more than the external. If you say you want a QUALITY partner you better have a two pronged approach and not just one leaning on how hot they are. When we think about quality of things or when we make a purchase for a quality item, we expect it to last longer and hold up better b/c of its quality. But the cost is much higher to obtain a quality item and that quality item has to be taken care of and treated well for it to maintain its level of value. The same needs to be applied in relationships. Quality is about lasting forever. It’s not fickle, shallow or cheap frills – if that is what you are looking for, look away from the relationship direction and focus on flings, hook ups, and one night stands. All of which are OK if that is what a person truly prefers and wants in their life. Just be honest with yourself though. I have much more respect for a person who lives the latter life than one who says they want the former (quality relationship) and they are not doing the things or having the expectations for achieving it.
Marinate & Discuss 
How to lose your Schlubness in 5 hours; Just what the DOCTOR….. NEECY ordered.
01 Feb 2012 50 Comments
(for all you fellas that think its so fun getting caught up with BPD chicks, read this story!)
So yesterday after work I decided to hit up my favorite sushi spot. As I was about to leave I saw a doctor who was one of my customers I used to call on about 4 years ago (damn time flies) who was one of my favorite docs and who had actually turned me onto this sushi place b/c my co-workers and I would always take he and his wife (who also worked in his office) there for lunch.
So he sees me and he gives me a hug and I notice something very strange. He was sitting at the sushi bar alone. So the *FIRST* thing I ask is where is his wife b/c they were *ALWAYS* together. You never saw one without the other. So immediately I figured something was wrong.
He looks at me with this smirk and says “Yeah. We’re divorcing, and if you have some time I can tell you the whole story”. I immediately felt really sad b/c he and his wife have been together for over 30 years since they were in high school and they were so close and they have a son who is very smart (and gorgeous he looks like an Abercrombie and Fitch model – no joke!) and is in first year of college.
To make a long story short, his wife apparently has had BPD all of her life but in the last 3 years it really surfaced and in a VERY VERY bad way. She basically tried killing herself 4 times and then suddenly started to blame him for all of her problems (anorexia, depression, etc) over the years (things she never even talked about or discussed with him). He said for almost two years he never knew what to expect from her b/c on her days off from the office she would do crazy erratic stuff and go off somewhere and try to kill herself. The final straw was she had driven up to San Francisco and was going to jump off a bridge etc.
Then she started saying how everyone had abused her. She lied and said her father abused her (her brother said it was a lie) and then she started saying Dr. X was abusing her (I cannot imagine this man doing such a thing). The real kicker is, the father and brother still always sided with him b/c they knew she was mentally ill and that she was lying.
Anyway. After all that and him trying to help her, she one day just cleaned out all of his accounts, credit cards etc. went to a Mercedes dealership and PAID ALL CASH on a new Mercedes worth 60K. BTW, she had to forge his name on all the paperwork at the banks and dealerships etc., b/c they had joint everything.
She was staying in a 4 seasons hotel for months and lied to her attorneys saying she was staying in a shelter. She continues blaming him for all of her problems and when he told her she better stop cleaning out the accounts and that he was going to close everything she went ballistic and started threatening him.
She eventually she put a restraining order on him and he no longer had access to his home, cars OR ANYTHING! He said he had to sleep on his boat, in the office patients rooms and finally ended up staying with a friend patient who rented their guest house out to him for 5 months. It was so sad b/c he said he had to go to his own sons DORM ROOM at college one day and tell him everything. And (this actually brought me to tears) he said his son saw him in such dire straits that all he could say was “dad do you need some money? I don’t have much but I’ll give it to you if you need it”. (he also started to tear up when he was telling me this). He said he had never in a MILLION years thought he would have lost everything to the point his own son in college would ask him if he needed to give him money.
This man pretty much hit rock bottom b/c of his BPD wife doing erratic crazy shit and lying.
Well basically this man is still going through the divorce process but he basically has lost everything until the court rules. She now has some b/f living in their home (which is this beautiful mansion in a gated community and which was also paid off), he has to pay her alimony (but feels it will be reversed once the court sees all of the forging of his name on documents she did etc) and he has not even been able to step foot on his house premises for over a year.
We actually had a nice laugh when he said “So now I have to face this fact that she is BANGING some guy in MY HOUSE that I PAID FOR!”. But I have to say he has truly taken a positive attitude about this and has decided to not be bitter b/c he knows she will have to pay for everything she has done (especially all the forging she did). She doesn’t even have a relationship with her own son anymore b/c she threw him out of the house and called him a “fukin asshole” b/c he was saying that she should stop lying on his father like she was (her son caught her throwing all of his mail away and he had so many collections and fines for car registration b/c of it).
So all this happened at the end of 2010 and into early 2011. So last year he started actually dating and going on dating sites.
GOOD THINGS:
(1) he is not bitter at all and has an optimistic outlook on his future and understands that karma will take care of his wife.
(2) He is not afraid to open women and ask them out (many he has met online)
(3) He doesn’t seem to be carrying any of the baggage around as he has a humorous approach to his situation
(4) He is still open for finding love
(5) He is not looking for ONS
(6) He is not sitting and wallowing in pity and he does believe he will meet a great woman once again and is willing to go out and do whatever it takes to stay healthy and happy and continuously dating until he find “the one”
BAD THINGS:
(1) He is listing his profession as a DOCTOR on the dating sites
(2) He is being too accommodating to the women he gets dates with
(3) He is pursuing them too heavily and pouring on the compliments
(4) Possibly coming off needy
(5) Serious case of oneitis and wants every woman he meets to be “THE ONE”
(6) Won’t take any of the women up on their ONS offers
Ok. I told him that maybe he should not list his profession as “Doctor” and instead say he works in the “healthcare industry” b/c I said he wants a woman to see him for HIM and not his profession. Also he works and has an office in a very upscale area and so some women may simply just go out with him b/c of his profession.
I think it’s great he respects himself and he was shocked at how forward women are sexually even to the point of trying to have ONS’s. But he is not really interested in having those kinds of relationships he says. He doesn’t mind intimacy but he kinda wants it to be with a woman he has *somewhat* of a connection with even if they are not seriously dating.
I am happy with the positive approach he has taken b/c sometimes men or women who have been married for so long and find themselves up in age, really feel they don’t have anything to offer to anyone anymore and often continue to pine for their loves of so many years – even when things were bad. The also fall into a serious depression and he said he had beat himself up during those 3 years and actually started to believe he was the cause of all of his wife’s problems. But now he is moving out of that and is starting to find happiness and independence for the first time in his life without his wife.
He also is open to trying new things he hasn’t done before (like dancing when he goes out) etc.
So he starts telling me about all the dates and women he has met and the issues he is having trying to navigate the SMP for the first time. I mean he has been with his wife since HIGH SCHOOL! He’s now 50 and has no clue.
He told me he is not afraid to let a woman know of his interest and one day at a restaurant he told the waitress “I think you are very beautiful and I would love to get to know you better”. LOL
So immediately I start schooling him on what he has been doing wrong with these women. Ok he has major ONEITIS but I will have to say at least he is getting out there and isn’t shy about approaching women online.
I started by breaking down the ALPHA/BETA titles and where guys like him fit – more on the beta side. I also explained to him that women really want a guy that is in the middle. Not too nice and not too aloof. She wants a man she can respect and if he is being too too accommodating very early on before a relationship has been established, she will lose respect for him. If he starts being too aloof and elusive she’ll question his interest in her and will back off eventually. I also started to tell him how women think and what they really want. And I told him to get over his ONEITIS fever b/c he has plenty of time to get to date and get to know many different kinds of women and personalities before he decides to settle down again.
THE WOMEN
BPD CHICK 2.0
So he just gets out of a marriage with a woman who has SEVERE BPD. Well once he started to date again one of his patients he has known for a while suggested that they go out. She was the FIRST woman he dated right after his marriage. He had to discharge her as a patient to do so, but says she was very attractive woman who is very fit. They go on 3 very romantic dates and things are looking spectacular. The 4th date she invites him to join her at a friend’s house for dinner. So they go to dinner and he says they were having steak and she had taken one of the bigger pieces for herself. Well he jokingly leans in and whispers to her “you little piggy” LOL. He said she gave him this crazy look and for the rest of dinner she was being really snippy and making snide remarks to him. Once they get in the car to drive home, he says she lost it and went into a serious rage about what he said re: the Piggy comment. So he apologized but she seemed pretty upset. Then the next day she calls him acting really sweet. Then the following week she calls him saying she is still upset about the steak incident and says she doesn’t really want to continue to date him. UP and DOWN. He was a bit relieved although he liked her but saw that rage and erratic meltdown and the constant up and down moods she had and had flashbacks about how his wife started to act once her BPD came to surface.
Two months later they have a second go around after he calls her out of the blue to give it a second chance. This time he said they were watching a movie getting along really well all cuddled up etc. at her house. He made a comment about the movie ( I can’t remember exactly what the convo was about) but basically she jumped up and started to go off on him again! LOL Well he says he is really sad that things didn’t work out b/c he wanted her to be “the one”.
NEECY’S ADVICE TO HIM:
I told him she was the very first woman that he went out with after his divorce and since being married for over 30 years and that he should get out of this mindset of “oneitis” that he has and wants so badly. I understand b/c when you are in a relationship so long, you only know how to be with one person. But I told him he has to take things slowly and allow himself time to learn about himself and what he truly likes, wants and needs in a woman. He doesn’t need to rush into something else, b/c there are so many opportunities for him to find someone later down the line that has all the qualities he wants. Plus that chick was just wifey 2.0 which he doesn’t need again.
THE BEVERLY HILLS BRAZILLIAN BEAUTY WITH MAAAAD EX HUBBY AND NEW WIFE ISSUES
So this woman he says he met through a lawyer friend and she is somewhat recently divorced and has teenage daughters. The issue is her husband remarried to some crazy biatch that when they were all in divorce court reached across the table and tried to pull her hair out. LOL. She says the woman also comes by her house and stalks her. So anyway, he tells her about his situation with his ex and she had the audacity to tell him that she doesn’t know if she is ready to enter into a relationship with someone with that many problems. LOLLLL! He said he couldn’t believe someone with as much drama going on in her life, someone who still has teenage kids at home, still battling her husband and his new wife would have the audacity to say that to him. She even asked if he would go with her to some court hearings to “protect her” (haha wealthy people crack me up with htier drama). So she ended the relationship. But he still pines for her and wants to call her up.
NEECY’S ADVICE TO HIM:
LET.IT.GO. Too much drama that he doesn’t want to be caught up in. he’s had enough drama in his life and doesn’t need to walk into a new situation or into a crossfire. He agreed and said he will let it go.
THE PERSIAN PRINCESS GOLDIGGER WITH BOO KOO MONEY
So he meets this really intelligent, very attractive, well to do Persian woman. She is a dentist and she is also very wealthy. She is divorced and has older kids and says he really hit it off with her so much that she introduced him to her kids and family. But the only thing he didn’t enjoy about her is that she was very materialistic and “princess”. He said she had waaaaaay more money than him, owned tons of high end property. But was always making comments like “when we vacation I expect you to pay for everything”. LOL So he said one day he was on the internet and happened to be looking at rings. He had a picture of a 1 carat diamond up and she automatically assumed he was looking for a ring for her. He said she immediately got very defensive and said “you aren’t looking at that piece of garbage for me are you! I won’t take anything less than a 4 carat”. LOL. So he said he didn’t know what to say and just didn’t really respond.
Well the last straw was after they had a date one night, he was at her house and he had started to doze off and fall asleep as he was really tired. He said he let out a little snore and she jumped up and was like “OMG YOU SNORE! I’M OSRRY BUT THAT IS A DEAL BREAKER!! I CANNOT BELIEV YOU SNORE! I can’t deal with snoring”. So she basically dumps him a couple days later over the phone and says her sister advised her it was best b/c “she’ll never get healthy sleep” with someone who snores. OMG LMAO. About two weeks later he calls her and she tells him the only way she could move forward is if he calls her sister (who is some MD specialist) and have her do surgery on him to stop him from snoring. (again – LOL OMG ). He said he is still thinking about doing it.
NEECY’S ADVICE TO HIM:
Another batshit crazy. Not worth it. I told him if he wanted to do the surgery for HIS OWN REASONS then fine. But under no circumstances should he do it to appease her. If she will quickly dump him for snoring (something he cannot control) what else will she bitch and complain about? Also, I said she is kind of tacky in always coming off very materialistic, greedy . Even though she has money (and more than him) it still doesn’t make it right and I said his sanity will be at stake if he keeps her.
THE ASIAN ROBOT CHICK
One of the women who he is still seeing off and on (b/c she is giving up the booty)– an Asian woman in her 40’s who looks great for her age who he met mid last year. But she always wants to do the same dating stuff over and over (like she is a robot) and he likes to do more adventurous things like hiking, biking, etc. and she doesn’t have an interest in that. He also said that he doesn’t think he could take her around his friends out of fear she will just sit there without interest.
She is a *bit* more reciprocating than the others but she is always calling on him to do stuff for her. For instance, she will invite him over for dinner and afterwards start asking him to do stuff around the house for her. OK at least she is cooking dinner for him. They also have already had sex. So at least she is providing him with intimacy. The problem is he says it kind of bugs him though when she calls him out the blue and asks him to come to where she is and take her somewhere, or drop her off somewhere (b/c her car is being serviced) etc. And it bugs him b/c she owns her own business and has employees there that she could have do those things for her. But she expects him to drive over 20 miles from where he lives to do those things for her and he doesn’t think that makes sense unless he is already over there. I AGREE.
Well one day she just kind stopped answering his calls after they had a discussion about trying new things to do for dates. He said her main focus is always only on money, and her business and she has no real other hobbies. But I believe he is fascinated with her body and looks at her age b/c he said she looks REALLY young.
Ironically a couple months later, she called him out the blue and re-ignited the friendship. He is still unsure about how far this will go b/c of the different interests.
NEECY’S ADVICE TO HIM:
I told him its fine to keep seeing her, but if he is looking to eventually settle down he would waste time with her b/c she doesn’t like doing the things he likes and there is a *bit* of a language barrier. Also, she is very rigid in what she likes and does while he is more outgoing. I also told him that as long as he continues to see her, he needs to set boundaries. I think he is ok doing things for her when they are already together b/c she is at least reciprocating (she cooks for him and they do have sex). But I don’t think he should put much effort into this one simply b/c I’m not so sure how far things could go b/c of the lack of similar interests and the language barrier.
THE LATEST AND SO FAR THE GREATEST – THE BUBBLY BLONDE COUGAR
So he showed me a picture of the newest one. She is a really attractive 45 year old woman who you could tell in her heyday was a knock out. But she still has two teenage sons that live at home and he says they are a little on the mischievous side. LOL Anyway, this one is a blonde sweet and bubbly. She likes to do all the outdoorsy stuff he enjoys and is always happy go lucky. He said though, that he really likes her and that she is always flaking on him and it has ruined several plans he has had. She’ll call him and say “we’ll get together this weekend and I’ll come up”. So he cancels any plans with friends only to be left holding the bag when she cancels on him at the last minute. Of course he hasn’t expressed his frustration b/c he doesn’t want to come off as “rude.
NEECY’S ADVICE TO HIM:
She is testing you. You need to set boundaries and whenever she tries to make plans with you in the future tell her that weekend is not a good time b/c you have plans. Also, when she calls and says “we’ll spend Thrs. And Fri. together” tell her that one of the days will not work but you could “POSSIBLY” meet her on Friday depending on what’s going on for you that weekend. I said that women will often test a guy to see if he stands up to her or for himself. By him not ever making a comment about her constant flaking, she believes he is just some desperate guy waiting around for her. So I told him to next time tell her in a cordial way “look this cancelling at the last minute is becoming to frequent. And while I understand things come up, you also need to realize I have things going on and will not continue to cancel my plans in these instances”. I also told him to stop being so available.
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Well that’s it. And after spending 5, yes FIVE hours talking with him about all the things and changes he needs to make, he was just looking at me like a deer in headlights. He said NO ONE ever told him any of this stuff before. I was tempted to lead him to the PUA sites but chose not to b/c of too many crazies over there and he is not that kind of guy. But he really needs guidance on properly navigating the SMP. I will say he is not doing so bad b/c he is getting the dates and the women and he is not afraid to ask them out. But he needs to start setting boundaries with these women and also needs to get out of the mindset that he has to jump into a serious relationship with one woman so soon after just being divorced and going through everything he had gone through with his ex-wife over the last 3 years.
So now he begged me to stop by his office often to give him tips and I will. I am going to help Dr. XX go from being a schlub to a MONKEY IN THE MIDDLE who has a solid frame and boundaries that will draw women closer to him and will make women respect him more
If there are any tips you all have and think I should relay please feel free to post them.
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