Here’s the GOOD News! – Part 1

:sad: Why all the long faces???? 

LOL

Yeah it’s been a tough week at the Nest.  Lotsa bad news and one would think being a BW is a curse after reading all of these articles and realities we are facing.

But here is the GOOD NEWS!     

:D There is only ONE WAY to go from here as Black women – and that is UP!  

THE RUDE AWAKENING STAGE

Sometimes the rude awakening stage has some ugly truths and rough hills and mountains to climb. But it’s really the only way Black women can see how we have positioned ourselves for so many decades and how that HAS.NOT.BEEN. WORKING OUT for us the way we keep believing it will one day.

BW have to face some harsh realities and hard truths before we can truly build new roots and start anew.

It’s like the sayin. You don’t know where you are going, until you know where you have been.  The scary thing is a lot of BW don’t even know the reality they are living in and have little to no want to change it.

Black women have been too co-dependent on the wrong people, places and things and we have to flesh out why this is not working for us.

Honestly, a lot of the BW’s problems  – a great percentage of them are a result of our choices and actions. No, we cannot change racism and how that may affect so many BW in their daily lives. But hell, so many of our ancestors thrived with less than what we had and made the best and most of their lives as they could despite the obstacles and challenges. I’m almost convinced our ancestors were more psychologically intact than we are today!

BW today are BLESSED and have so much at our fingertips to push forward and be a strong thriving collective of women. We just do not use the resources to do so because we are so stuck on helping people, places and things who are draining us (as individuals and a collective) emotionally, physically and mentally.

FAKE IT TILL YOU MAKE IT

:twisted: No I’m not talking about ORGASMS EITHER!    

There is a saying that Khadija brought up on her blog from a couple of years ago. “BE A BUTTERFLY”. Even if you fake it, people actually buy into whatever you put out. LOL If you put out you are a masculine sista soldjah – you get treated as such. If you put out you are a feminine woman that deserves to be treated as such, that is how you will be treated.

LIFE IS WHAT YOU MAKE IT

Yeah yeah that is the most boring overused cliché – but its sooooo true!

The fact is, while Black women do suffer in so many areas in society, there are plenty of us who aren’t suffering and who are living the best lives that we can. But I have always felt that no matter how good of a life I have had, that if I care about those who look like me, then I owe it to myself and my “gender tribe” (if you will) to enlighten the best way I can and as I see it.

America is not perfect by any means. But American BW need to take advantage of all the opportunities we have in this country because there are so many. There are other Black women in other countries who wish they had the opportunity to live the best lives they can without having to answer to others. We need to recognize this and utilize this to our advantage.

WARNING: Another corny cliché is coming in 5,4,3,2

TOGETHER WE STAND DIVIDED WE FALL!

THE JEWISH BLUERINT

The KEY to any powerful movement and strong community is STICKING TOGETHER. Finding LIKE MINDED people who share your values, views on culture and who “get it” and who understand reciprocity.

Look at any thriving community and the foundation is always that culture, group, gender whatever has stuck together by aligning with like-minded individuals. Despite how you or anyone feels about Jews, they have a great blueprint for Black women to follow on how to turn suffering into thriving.

They don’t sit around crying. They get shit done.  They stick together. The uplift themselves and take to task anyone who tries to tarnish their name as a group. But they can only do that because for the most part they have their shit together. You cannot ask anyone or expect anyone to respect you as a group or collective if your group  is a  hot mess!

The Jews understand one basic principle: Stick together, uplift your collective. Jewish people are not the only group that does this, but they are the one group I see who has done this on a very high level compared to others.

Hell even WHITE WOMEN stick together for the most part. They as a collective support each other – especially when they feel they are being attacked.

This is of course all my own opinion and views based on what I’ve seen. So…

But the point I am making is, BW need to learn how to build a stronger collective by looking at how other successful groups have done it.

ALL SKIN FOLKS AINT YOUR KIN FOLKS

Of course I don’t view every BW as my sister or a part of my “tribe” because I  have long let go of this notion that I’m going to try to save every Black woman.

Some Black women just.dont.want.to.be.saved. They would rather stay stuck on stupid! And guess what? I’m not here to unglue them!

 Some Black women want to stay living in RATCHETLAND. And guess what?  I’m not here to help try and  move them out.

Some BW want to stay race / Black male identified. And guess what?  I’m not here to de-doormatize them!

You get the point…

I have no interest in aligning with destructive, co-dependent, non-supportive, narrow thinking  race identified BW who refuse to do what is best for self and their offspring.

Corny cliché # 287644364873374384 – THERE IS LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL 

Anyway, the point I want to make is – it can and does get better for those BW who use this enlightening period as a way to grow and progress.

Black women despite, do have the ability to live good full prosperous lives and that is what BWE is here for – to light the trail and point you to the North Star.

I know it’s hard not to feel somewhat depressed or overwhelmed by the station BW are in now, but remember there was actually a period where BW were seen as women, were proud, had class and embraced their femininity. I can only speak on the eras I grew up in and remember and the 70’s to mid-80’s was that time I remember where BW still had plenty of feminine qualities left.

Something happened starting in the late 80’s and our image and femininity has been going downhill since.

We can get it back. ;)

I’M ACTUALLY KINDA EXCITED! I’m excited for the future of progressive Black women. AND you too, should be no matter how many harsh articles we write to keep enlightening you to step out of the MAAAAYTRICKS. One day we won’t even be writing these articles anymore because there will be no need for them. But until then, we have to keep each other honest.

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What EVERY Black woman needs to read!

There is nothing left to be said!

 

 

 

 

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=733803149999469&id=689588297754288&__tn__=%2As

http://notyourgirlfriday.wordpress.com/2014/08/19/get-your-life/

http://www.blackfemaleinterracialmarriage.com/2014/08/ucc-news-views-august-18-smarter-bw-continue-to-escape-when-black-women-pose-as-frontline-combative-shemales-they-teach-all-m.html

http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com/2014/08/please-read-and-forward-this-post-by.html

DOCUMENTARY THINK TANK

So as you all know, I’m definitely working on a documentary for AA women and the state we’re in, in this country.

If there is anything that you feel you’d like to see covered in this please list below. It will definitely help me to mKe sure all my basis Covered. I already have a general idea of the things I’ll be going over, but just in case I overlook an issue of importance, feel free to jot down on this post what you would like to see in it.

Or just your opinion on what you feel is most important.

 

i may actually break each topic up into a series so that I can be thorough, so the more the better.

THANKS!

RACE WOMEN STRIKE AGAIN: When sister soldiering goes WRONG and becomes DANGEROUS

Ok so I went and visited over to Khadijah’s site in which she did a post  on the recent craziness happening in Ferguson Missouri.

http://muslimbushido.blogspot.com/2014/08/african-american-women-who-march-in.html

First, before I get into the meat of the post let me say in regards to the current wave of police brutality cases against Black men AND BLACK WOMEN (yes there are recent stories of Black women being brutalized by police officers), that this nonsense has to stop.  But its not going to stop with rioting and marching. It stops when Blacks start putting pressure on their local senators and the government and Dept. of Jstice to make sure that sociopathic cops are removed from the police force.

I have always been a supporter of law enforcement especially in Black communities because there are so many Black women and children who are terrorized by the feral Black male loonies in these communities that we NEED police to keep them in check.

HOWEVER, I am not for the constant sociopathic abuse that some of these police officers participate in. The fact is there are a lot of mentally unstable  RACIST  White males who enter law enforcement just to wreak havoc on Blacks because they can get away with it in uniform.This country has a series problem with Police misconduct and it needs to be dealt with.

POLICE BRUTALITY AGAINST BLACK WOMEN – CRICKETS CHIRPING AS USUAL

crickets chirping

Just recently in Los Angeles a Black woman named Marlene Pinnock who is 51 years of age was brutally and savagely beaten by a CHP cop on the side of the freeway. It was caught on camera. She was not resisting arrest. She was a homeless woman walking onto the freeway. She certainly should have been detained and arrested. But what the officer did was utterly disgusting. He straddled her and punched her in the head over 11 times.

http://www.cbsnews.com/news/beating-victim-california-highway-patrol-officer-was-trying-to-kill-me/

Another case in NYC where officers responded to a call of child abuse, they went into the (WRONG) home of a Black family and DRAGGED a naked Black woman out and straddled her and cuffed and arrested her while she lay on the ground in just her underwear. While dozens of police officers stand over her. No one tried to cover her up while she lay there naked.

http://newsone.com/3042030/nypd-drag-naked-woman-from-apartment-leave-her-passed-out-on-the-floor/

Another case of a Black professor who worked at Arizona State, was stopped by police officers for JAY WALKING. When she questioned why the officer was stopping her (she had no choice to jay walk because of the construction) he body slammed her to the ground (she was wearing a dress) and cuffed her.

https://www.insidehighered.com/news/2014/06/30/video-highlights-arizona-state-police-arrest-black-professor-critics-see-racial

The point I am making is, its not just Black men who are being treated like animals – BLACK WOMEN as well are also being treated as animals by these sick sociopaths that call themselves police officers.

The reason why many of you never heard of any of the stories of Black women and police misconduct is because NO ONE GIVES A SHIT – Not even your average Black woman.

We only care when it is Black males.

Which leads me to the point of this post.

LOOK UP IN THE SKY! IT’S A BIRD….ITS A PLANE!… IT’S – SUPER SISTA SOLDIER!

?????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

BLACK WOMEN need to start recognizing we have our own serious issues we need to be fighting against. We have fought long and hard for others who have yet to rerun the favor (i.e Black men). How many Black men are marching for Marlene Pinnock, or that professor in Arizona, or the Black woman who was dragged out of her apartment and left to lay naked in cuffs while everyone stood around? NONE!

As Khadijah pointed out, the expectation for women to stand on the front lines in the line of fire for the sole purpose of “getting justice” for yet another young Black man, is only expected in the Black community where the women are expected to fight bullets, police and police dogs. It happened during the civil rights era as well.

Instead of Black women allowing Black men to do a man’s job and fight these battles for Black people, once again Black women go out there and strap on their soldier boots and get tear gassed, shot at, wrangled and wrestled, and chased by police dogs – FOR WHAT?

If I ma going to go through all of that, I or my group better benefit in some way for it!

where-da-white-women-at

Also on Khadijas post she quoted some other Black women who are also aware of the lack of reciprocation BW receive for fighting on the front lines for Black males. One pointed out a very important point. Where are all the non Black women that BM are married to and dating when these issues come up? Why is it we never see any of the Non Black women who supposedly love Black men and vice versa standing on the  front lines?

LOL Because these women know that that kind of fight is not reserved for them and Black men know it to. They leave that to BLACK WOMEN. Once the fight is over and Black women are bruised and battered and sitting in jail cells for protesting, they go back to their Non Black women and continue to tell BW why we don’t measure up. LOL

So, in essence, Black men need to start asking their Non Black women they love so much to start taking up arms and fighting that good fight with them. Black women have yet to receive any kind of incentives for riding and dying for Black men or ANYONE.

I am a the point where I am sick of it. I am sick of BW riding for MEN period. Yes this includes WHITE MEN, BLACK MEN and anyone else.

Until I see a group of ANYONE out there standing up for Black women and fighting our fight alongside us, I say keep your battle fights for solely Black women causes ONLY.

Black women need to be focused on riding and dying for ourselves because better believe we have a lot on our plates we need to be focusing on and addressing.

If you want to fight against police brutality – start fighting for the BACK WOMEN whose stories go untold and unheard because no one cares.

There is no RACE of man or woman out her dong ANYTHING for Black women that BW need to constantly be promoting, uplifting and fighting for.

Word of caution: Since we know of their are some sociopathic racist cops out there, the best thing a Black woman can do for herself is to not even try to argue or fuss with them. If you get pulled over, questioned, just answer the damn questions and stop. Do not give these lunatics a reason to treat you like an animal because they are looking for you to do ANYTHING to give them cause to brutalize and man handle you.

And for the love of GOD – STOP CAPING for groups who are not and will never CAPE for you or justice for you.

Therapy is your friend!

Say it with me: THERAPY IS YOUR FRIEND!

 

LOL

 

In the previous discussion, Neurochik brought up a very important issue and point: Black women/people need to stop viewing therapy as the devil.

Like she mentioned, decades upon decades of racism, sexism, and many more things can and does have an effect on the psyche of Blacks – especially Black women since we bear the brunt of these issues with little to no support.

For many decades Black women have declared to be STRONG. This was a way for BW to take on everyone else burdens (including our own) and somehow believe we can come away unscathed with our sanity, health and mental and emotional state in tact.

NO!

THE STRONG BLACK WOMAN NEEDS TO GO THE WAY OF THE DINOSAUR – INTO EXTINCTION

I am glad to see more and more Black women walking away from that “STRONG BLACK WOMAN” title and recognizing that you can be a woman that has strength but that you are still a woman, human being and not an animal or machine that can take and everything and not be affected by it.

I do believe Black women possess a certain / special strength that most other races of  women don’t. That is because day to day and for centuries we have our humanity as women challenged based on the color of our skin – something that other races of women do not deal with.

In spite of, we keep moving and doing and making things happen the best way we can. We hold our heads high and understand that, that takes a lot of courage and strength.

I look at suicide stats and you would think with all the shit Black women put up with on the regular as a collective that our suicide numbers would be the highest. But its not! Black women are least of all groups to commit suicide. Groups who have privilege and such commit suicide in far greater numbers than Black women and I believe that says something to our strength and courage as women.

But that does not mean that BW do not “kill” or self destruct in so many other ways.

BLACK WOMEN LOVE PLAYING THE ROLE OF CAPTAIN SAVE A HO / BROTHER / AND ANYONE NEEDING BLACK WOMEN’S TIME, MONEY, ENERGY, RESOURCES

Basically being a MAMMY.

Being everyone’s backbone… ahem MAMMY with no support of your own – that alone will kill you inside, especially if you are not receiving that same kind of support back. When you allow others to continuously drain you from inside and outside, you leave yourself no room to live prosperous for yourself and to create boundaries for yourself. Its like anything goes.

Which leads me to the point of this post – THERAPY!

I was on another BW board and recognized from many posts from Black women, that the relationships with their mothers were / are very damaging.  Many also did not have fathers around to counterbalance anything so they have no healthy realities of what healthy relationships look like.

Mainly because their mothers have made the atypical bad decisions for their lives as Black women and feel their daughters also need to “suffer” and carry on those hard burdens that their mothers placed on themselves with making bad decision. Instead of these Black mothers encouraging and supporting their daughters to break the cycle and chain of dysfunction, they are emotionally unavailable, harass and harbor envy, hate and jealousy of their own Black daughters who appear to be moving in a more prosperous direction that they have.

Its truly sickening!

How does a person work through this? THERAPY!

This is why Progressive Black women need to understand that THERAPY is not evil, wrong or stupid or simply for the CRAZY or  rich people in Beverly Hills. ITs very helpful in helping a person put things in perspective. Yeah I know that church and religion are also great ways for Black women to deal with issues but its not the only thing you need to be utilizing to help yourself. The problem with BW and their religion/church is many BW do not really understand how to use that and other things to find peace and happiness.

Too many BW simply rely on church and God to make the moves for them. The reality is, you are to use the “word” and encouragements from the preacher to be PRO ACTIVE about making healthy choices for your life. God is not going to do everything for you. You have to meet him halfway and be pro active in making things happen for yourself.

I know a lot of BW these days are anti church and whatnot for obvious reasons. I’m not as long as you find a healthy place of worship and understand the church is not the be all end all of anything. I go to church and have a deep faith in God, but I am also not foolish like some BW who put all their eggs in the Church basket and alter.  I utilize everything to help myself – my religion, faith in God AND outside sources that are going to give me tangible ways to do well for myself.

DON’T ALWAYS BE ON THE RECEIVING END OF OTHER PEOPLE’S ISSUES

I remember a therapy session I had with my therapist, him telling me one day that it was not MY or any person’s job to be on the receiving end of family, friends or anyone’s constant problems.  At the time, I had a friend/co-worker who was having major problems in the job and who was not getting along with our boss. This person DAILY (and even multiple times a day) filled my ears with negativity because she was dealing with a lot and was stressed and depressed because of it. And because I was her friend AND because I worked wither and knew what was going on, she would constantly go on and on about how she hated the job, how she hated our boss, why the job is stupid, why we need to find something else, how the company was the devil and so on and on.

It started really affecting me and I started to believe I hated my job and found myself daily not being motivated. Although I was not dealing with the same problems she was dealing with. And the times I tried to take a positive approach, she would shoot that down. It started taking a toll on my emotional state.

Finally, after complaining about my job my therapist realized a lot of it stemmed from being on the phone daily  and around with this person and their negativity about the job, and he finally said  – enough is enough. That I had my own problems and issues to work through and constantly allowing another person’s negativity and problems become your own just further drags you down.

And he said, “she needs a THERAPIST! You are not to be taking on her problems.” And that is exactly what I told her after my session with him – that she needs to find and make an appointment with a therapist because I could no longer continue to listen to the negativity as it was affecting me. She needed to take a bigger step to help herself besides bitching and complaining all day everyday as it was not helping her emotionally.

And she did! She got on meds for her depression and went to therapy. Finally she found another job and is now realizing the grass aint greener! LOL

Had I not gone to therapy, i probably would have made a bad decision to leave and quit my job to go somewhere else with even more problems. But I didn’t and now I realize how blessed I am to have the job I have.

SO – friends and family who consistently want to pour and drop all of their burdens and issues in your ear all of the time is not what we are here for. There are professionals to deal with people and their problems. Do not allow yourself to be the constant receiving end of someone else and their problems. If they have that many issues they need to seek out a therapist who is trained to compartmentalize everyone’s issues.

When you are constantly listening to and helping tragic friends and family with their issue, that only adds to your own problems being ignored and now you are not only taking on your own issues and problem but you are also taking on OTHERS issues and problems which can eventually lead to emotional and mental breakdowns and depression.

This is something every BW needs to hear and understand. Its ok to want to help a friend and family in need. But if they are constantly using you as their “therapy” to dump all their problems on, its time for them to find a professional therapist who is trained to handle people with issues and help them work through it.

Black women have A LOT of things to work through daily and they are not always uplifting. This is why therapy is in order for a lot of us because it really does help to put things in perspective and gives you an opportunity to “dump” all your problems on a trained professional that can help you sort through things and make your life the best it can be.

SO, you have my permission to seek therapy at any time. It does not mean you are nuts or cray cray – it means you are human and every now and then need an emotional detox with a professional that is trained to help you through it.

Also, you may not find *that* therapist you click with on the he first go round. Some people have to go through multiple therapists before they find the one they feel most comfy with. That too is normal and ok. I got lucky because I got a referral from a friend. But if you don’t find a great therapist on the first go round, do not give up until you find that good therapist.

Don’t be that Black woman that STAYS LOSING

Its important that Black American women who are progressive and on the road to progressiveness realize that your self esteem has to be higher than normal. THATis the only way you will and can win in a hostile environment that constantly challenges the womanhood and humanity of Black women.

A lot of African American women have been left to their own devices when it comes to loving oneself and accepting your beauty and womanhood – especially in relationships. That is because there is no community, gender of the opposite sex, society etc., there to tell you that you are worthy and that your humanity as a woman matters.

This will be especially important for those BW looking to enter into the interracial dating market. There will be many tests that will put you in a position to come out winning or losing.

It amazes me that so many Grown Black women still do not get it, when it comes to looking out for your best interests in dating and mating – among other things. Black women have more reason to demand the best because people automatically assume you are not worthy of it. THUS why you have to demand and only deal in relationship that uplift you. Unlike Non BW who have plenty of people who actually enjoy treating them like women and protecting and defending them, BW do not have anyone but ourselves to do that.

Examples of when you as a Black woman have put yourself in a losing vs. winning position when it comes to dating – and specifically interracial dating:

— Your SO has not introduced you to family and friends:

I don’t get it. Why on earth would any woman LET ALONE a Black woman allow herself to be used and strung along in a “relationship” with a man of another race who has not valued you enough to introduce you to family and friends? Here is a general rule of thumb – If you are with someone in a committed relationship and they have not introduced you to family or friends by the 2nd or 3rd month (provided you are SERIOUSLY DATING) then that is a problem. If you stay any longer with a man that refuses to introduce you to  his close friends and family YOU ARE LOSING.

— YOUR SO AVOIDS TALKING ABOUT RACE AND HOW IT WILL AFFECT YOUR RELATIONSHIP

I’m always leery of people who avoid discussions about race when they are in an IR. Especially one with a Black woman. We live in a  very race conscious society where the effects from outside and society will have to be dealt with in any IR with a Black woman. This can simply mean asking your SO how his inner circle will feel about his relationship with you and HOW HE PLANS ON HANDLING any pushback from friends and family. IOW’s you need to know upfront if this person will cower down and say nothing if friends or family start insulting you based on your race, or if he will stand up for you when you are being pushed in a corner from friends and family when it comes to them disapproving of you because you are Black.

Will he be ashamed of you in public? Will he have anxiety when you get the stares? Will he walk proudly hand in hand with you regardless of what others say, do or think?

In essence it doesn’t matter really how anyone in his inner circle or outer circle feels about you (if its simply based on race), but it matters how the Non BLACK man in your life will defend and stand his ground if he truly care for you. If you stay in a relationship with a man who says and does nothing while friends and family insult you based on your race or who is clearly ashamed to be seen with you in a relationship – YOU ARE LOSING.

— YOU GET WITH A MAN WHO DOESN’T HAVE TO HAVE YOU

There is a site i visit frequently. Its called the Platinum girl celebrity blog and its written by a White woman who dishes her relationship advice on celebs. Her purpose is to use celebrities as examples for everyday women to see what to and what NOT to do when in relationships. Her purpose is to encourage women to always be a PLATINUM GIRL when it comes to love and relationships. She shares the close views of the women who wrote THE RULES and pretty much most of her advice is based on that.

If there is any one group of women who needs to follow THE RULES it is Black women. Black women for the most part have never been given any real solid advice on how to deal in relationships with men, thus why we see so many BW settling with  men who simply use them, suck them  dry and basically do nothing to show his love for you as women. Black women have been happily accepting the PLASTIC GIRL role when you should be aiming to be a PLATINUM GIRL that only deals with men who are emotionally available and willing to show their desire to bring their half to the table in a relationship.

The one thing I see consistently in her messaging is that a woman should only be with a man that HAS TO HAVE HER. The reasoning behind this is, because when a man has to have a woman, you are the apple of his eye and he wants the world and everyone to know it and he will go to great depths to show you why. No, this is not a man supplicating. There is a difference between a supplicating man and a man who simply has to have a woman and will do all the right things to keep her and stay in her good graces. You always want a man to be highly into you because nine times out of ten he will make the best long term partner for you, will protect and cherish you. This means that when your self esteem is tight and in check you will only attract men who actually appreciate that and not sociopaths looking to use and take without giving.

If you allow yourself to be with a man who doesn’t have to have you,  is not reciprocating or bringing his half to the table – YOU ARE LOSING

— YOU HAVE INTIMACY BEFORE AN ESTABLISHED RELATIONSHIP

Sorry ladies I know we all have tingles and sometimes we meet men or guys we really want to have intimacy with. My advice to those BW who are looking for long-term serious relationships that will lead to something long term and meaningful (like marriage and kids) if you are dating, you best keep your legs closed until a solid relationship has been established. Often times what happens is men who may be looking for a warm body to occupy his sexual needs until he gets what he  REALLY WANTS will go for the easiest targets. If you are a Black woman with low self esteem what better target is that? I have seen and read far too many stories of BW who are dumbfounded as to why they keep running into dead end relationships that go nowhere after intimacy has happened.

Until a man has proven his worth to you and has proven he is in it for the long haul, you should avoid intimacy. Any man who is simply looking for just sex and who doesn’t get it within a short time frame, will bounce if he realizes its not gonna happen – meaning he will not waste your time for very long if he sees you are serious about yourself and wanting a solid commitment before sex.

If you have early intimacy with men who have not proven themselves and you end up in dead end short term relationships b/c of it – YOU ARE LOSING.

— YOU KEEP WASTING TIME AND ENERGY ON MEN WHO ARENT INTO YOU

Of course not only Black women are guilty of this and all women can do this to themselves. But I’m specifically concerned with BW and how this can have a much more negative impact over the long haul when you do this.

In this anti BW society we live in today its verrry easy for a man to simply use a BW as a convince vs. seeing her as a real potential mate in the long term. This is why its important for BW to ONLY deal in relationships with men and people who have PROVEN to have your best interest.

I see so many BW constantly focusing on men who are not focusing  on them. All the time and energy you waste wondering, justifying, contemplating, trying to figure out, etc why a man is not into you (due to being Black, dark skinned, etc), could be spent focusing on the attentions of men who are into you.

This especially applies to dark skinned BW. Darker hued BW spend more time complaining about men who don’t like them vs. the ones who would like them if they stopped crying over spilled and spoiled milk!

BW would do very well if they manage to figure out the types of men who are most attracted to them and focus your time and energy on THEM and not the ones who don’t want you.

If you find yourself constantly thinking, trying, crying, focusing on men who are not focusing on you – YOU ARE LOSING.

That should be a start for now. But I think the message is clear. When you are living in a world/society that easily thrusts you aside and treats you like a wet foodstamp simply BASED on race and gender, you have to be even more SERIOUS and PRO ACTIVE about only letting solid people with your best interest in mind in your life and keeping anything less out. Black women have to always be one step ahead unfortunately because of this. Of course there will be people who will try and tell you its the same for all women yada yada. ITS NOT. Any BW with eyes wide open realizes our daily plight as women is not nearly the same as Non Black women.

HELLO!!!

Hi everyone!

 

yes I know I disappeared again without notice. Lol

 

Its just my job can get really demanding during certain times of the year and it leaves me too exhausted to even think about writing blog posts.

 

Things have slowed again so I can focus on writing again.

 

But I do have so e progress to report on my reality tv idea for you tube. I have been working on it and I have come up with a concept and an idea. Now I’m just in the research stages of how to make it happen and how to maneuver through you tube, so I’m really excited about that!

I am going to make a spot sometime tomorrow or Saturday so stay tuned…

 

 

 

BE PREPARED…….

As more keenly aware Black American women wake up to the reality that we have been bamboozled to sell our femininity to the highest bidders and how that has pretty much – not worked out for us (Black women at least ) as a whole – we will see more and more of the beneficiaries of the asexual, non-feminine, image of  Black woman coming out in droves to convince us we are “just crazay” and “seeing things”. That we are “overreacting” . Many will even go as far as guilting you for wanting to actually do something to change it.

 

So be prepared. There are many people who have a stake in the lowly images of Black American women and have had a hold on this stake for CENTURIES. Sometimes –  hell who am I fooling –  ALL THE TIME it gets very comfy at the top when you know someone else beneath you is taking the lickings that you’d be taking if they weren’t there.

 

As I have covered many times previously on posts here, how the African American female image has always been distorted to compliment White women and now today NON Black women in general, these images have never changed. And there is a reason for that. We live in a world where SOMEONE has to be on the bottom for others to be upheld to the highest standard. As long as there is someone “beneath” you, you can never fully worry about losing completely.

 

As long as there is a woman next to you who is fatter, you will look slimmer.

 

As long as there is a woman next to you who is more asexual, you will appear sexier.

 

As long as there is a woman next to you more  un-feminine, you will be deemed more feminine.

 

You get the point.

 

Black  American women have played the asexual FAT  friend, the mammy, the unflattering caricature, the un-feminine, uncouth sidekick for too long. The minute we realize we are no longer going to volunteer for the role of doormat and “whatever goes” people start getting scared.

 

People love when you act as they expect. It keeps them feeling safe and comfy.  When Black women keep staying in their little “boxes” made solely for us, people can sleep better and safely at night.  Once you start trying to wriggle yourself free from that lil ole box they keep pushing you in, that’s when all the gas lighting attempts start to converge like water in a waterfall.

 

Many people will challenge your determination to withdraw support from things, people, places and entities that are not for *YOUR* best interest as a Black woman because (1) they haven’t and will never walk a mile in your shoes (2) they are so accustomed to seeing you in a certain light, that they cannot even see when it’s in front of them the issues these images cause for *YOU* as a Black woman – WHY? Case they don’t have to deal with the fallout of all the negative anti Black female imagery in any way, shape or form (3) They loose the benefits of having someone beneath them and feel threatened by the come uppance of such group.

 

People who have no stake in your “fight”, image and the consequences of such, are quick to offer their “opinions” on why you “should” do this and that and why you shouldn’t do this and that.  It’s easy when you are sitting on the outside TRYING to look in to tell another person, group to overlook the obvious attempts at SABOTAGE and DESTRUCTION  of their humanity as women when you aint got to deal with NARY of the consequences.

 

What this means for the awakening Black woman is that you will have to be steadfast and unapologetic about your non-support and the putting on blast of  the obvious  entities, and things that seek to continue to attack and destroy whatever semblance of normal, feminine, characteristics Black women have.

 

Where there is smoke there is fire. You do not need to fully view a movie, television show, listen to a song, enter into certain venues and such, or “give certain people  or things a chance” when they have clearly shown & proven  themselves to not have the best interest of Black women. Better believe other savvy groups who upkeep their images, certainly are not going to throw a  bone to any entity or person or group that has shown little to no respect for them as people, women or men.

 

Back women have had enough. We are no longer sitting by idle and allowing our images as women to be attacked without now speaking up and pointing out the reality of this. If you have no dog in this fight, no stake in our fight, then  STEP ASIDE and move out of the way.

 

The isht is really going to hit the fan when more and more Black women start taking control and putting forth positive uplifting images and things of Black women. There will be all kinds of crazy tactics used to keep this from happening. LOL  I’m already prepared for the fight ahead because too many people have a STAKE in keeping the Black woman’s image in the mud.

 

I Felt some type of way…..

Before I get started – Just wann a say RIP Maya Angelou!! Truly a brave and talented woman who will be missed!

 

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I was driving down the street in Studio City. Its a pretty good middle upper city with A LOT of traffic on this particular one street. The traffic tends to back up pretty badly, thus giving you time to take in all of your surroundings. Studio City is a nice area with lots of little boutiquey restaurants and stores, yoga and pilate studios etc.

 

So as I am at the stop light I look over at the bus stop and I see this BIG ASSED poster advertisement for a TV show called “Orange is the new Black” staring me and everyone else in traffic in the face.

 

979b2290-dcfd-11e3-b1fe-41c4be32af90_V0915_OITNB-S2_BusShelter_67x45_5_Cemusa_NY13_Crazy-Eyes

 

I swear on my LIFE this poster was on the bus stop in STUDIO CITY of all places in one of the busiest highly traffic areas.

 

Yes I felt some type of way. But what was it?

 

I was sad. I was mad. I was embarrassed. I was ashamed. I was not shocked but shocked at the same time. I was SAD….then I was MAD again, cause at some point she said “SURE!!”.

 

Then I asked myself – should I be feeling these things? Am I overreacting? Is this just CIONCIDENCE?   Because its just… I can’t explain it.

 

So I came home to look up the poster on google to share with you what I saw. And I came across the cast photo and this was what i saw:

 

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– Yes that one Black girl at the top has tampons used as curlers in her hair

 

– Yes the Black woman on the far bottom right has a maxi pad covering her eye.

 

– Yes the White girls *MANAGED* to look pretty decent and attractive while everybody else kinds didn’t *MANAGE* to do that.

 

At what point do you just turn down a job? Or do you just not turn down a job? Or do you just say I am not representative of my gender and race so I’m doing me? Or do I, Neecy, A Black woman disconnect from this image and not take it personally?

 

Can this be done? I dunno. Cause I was feeling some sort of way about that BIG BRIGHT poster of that Black woman at the Bus stop.

And then when I thought I had seen the worse of it; I discovered THIS:

 

julianne-hough-dresses-up-in-black-face-orange-is-the-new-black-halloween-the-jasmine-brand

*SIGH*

(Yes that is Julianne Hough of Dancing With The Stars apparently on Halloween)

– Uhm there were like TWO other White girls she could have dressed up as, but….

 

I’m going to stick the shiv in just a little deeper just in case you’re like “NAH!! That’s just a coincidence!”

 

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Are y’all seeing what I’m seeing? I’m not seeing that coincidence thingy some of y’all are probably saying is happening.

 

I mean are we that THREATENING they gotta just do us like that???

 

I don’t understand. I mean shouldn’t Asian women be getting this brundt since they are the biggest threat right now?

 

NO?

 

The Revolution *IS* being televised ladies.  Turn off your TV BW cause this stuff will raise your blood pressure!

Its time for Western Women to FESS UP!

I am so over the Western Woman hypocrisy and whining. Especially when there are women  and young girls in other parts of the world who have ZERO say in how they live their lives day to day, who they choose as partners, whether they will or won’t get an education and live a life of promise based on their own dreams and desires. These women do not have the ability to shape the kinds of men in society that they wish to marry, date, and pro create with. Unlike Western women who have much power in their hands to control the sexual market place and shape how we want men to treat and see us as women. More on that later…..

 

Obviously we have all heard about the latest with Elliot Rodgers and the unfortunate killing spree he went on.

 

Elliot Rodgers was an ENTITLED yet mentally disturbed male who happened to also not get what he wanted in terms of women. Clinically he was dealing with Aspergers disease which is a social disease that affects a small portion of the population. of course not all Aspergers sufferers are mass murderers. But its clear this young man had some serious mental issues that were addressed by his parents. But his sense of entitlement was his biggest problem.

 

 

He was not your TYPICAL MALE by any stretch of the imagination as some feminist sites would suggest. Normal men do not go around killing people and making manifestos about how they are going to slaughter women because they couldn’t get laid.

 

THE NICE GUY WHO SUFFERS IN SILENCE AND DIRECTS HIS LACK OF SEX & AFFECTION INTO MORE PRODUCTIVE THINGS

 

Normal males who typically suffer sexually with women like Elliot did, who have issues attracting women, either suffer in silence and deal with their awkwardness the best way they can, while being ignored by women and going through most of their lives without knowing what its like to have the affection, touch and warmth of a variety of women.

 

These men do not become bitter woman-hating losers. They accept it for what it is and make the most of their lives the best way they can and hopefully find a woman someday who will love them.

 

There are MANY western men (mainly White and Asian) who fit this profile. These men are often raised to believe that women want nice, loving guys who will treat them kindly and respect them as women. Men who will give women their space and not be pushy or aggressive. Men who act respectable to women and treat women as equals and who are not sexist. And they play by those rules and do just that to only be ignored and sexually deprived or worse called “Creepy” and “wolves in sheep clothing” simply because they are acting the way their mothers and society and women “CLAIM” they want men to act. LOL

 

Most of these men will go on to do great things in their lives career wise because they have placed all of that lack of sexual energy into things that are more productive. Suddenly, that is when all of those women who ignored them come running (women who are much older now and who cannot compete with the up and coming younger women for the bad boys they chased after and gave all of their affections too).

 

And many times, these good guys end up marrying these women later on and giving them the house, the picket White fence, the 2.5 kids and dogs. Giving these women who ignored them in their early years the life that all of those losers and jerks she slept with, dated and gave her affections to when she was young and hot would never give. And many of these Western White and Asian men do this unselfishly knowing these women would not have spit on them if they were on fire when they had nothing and had other choices in bad boys and jerks who treated them poorly.

 

THE NO MORE MISTER NICE GUY WHO BECOMES THE GUY THAT WOMEN “REALLY WANT”

 

Unlike Elliot Rodgers, Other men choose to recognize their social awkwardness and understand that the only way they will improve their love lives is to make some changes. Many of these men up until now did not have outlets to find or express their issue, concerns and even anger. These men do not feel “ENTITLED” to women, but they like any other normal human being, want to enjoy being loved and in intimate relationship with the opposite sex.

 

These men treated women kindly and were good b/f’s and husbands who were burned one too many times and walked over by women because of their kindness and unwillingness to treat women like crap.

 

The point is, they didn’t sit around blaming everyone. They have chosen to take action to make their love lives better.

 

These men clearly have awaken to the reality that what they were fed all of their lives about what women “WANT” or say we want is completely afferent from our actions. They call this discovering the RED PILL. That harsh reality that sets in that all of their lives they did what society, their mothers and fathers told them to do only to not be rewarded for it. They watched so many women they loved and treated well leave them for losers or questionable men who didn’t put in half the effort.

 

These men are a lot more savvy and choose not to be used and walked over or ignored by  women anymore and are learning the techniques that the “bad boys” use to get the affections of these women. Many of these men have either gone sexless or been run over in relationships and mistreated or dumped or walked on by women who used their niceness and kindness as a doormat, while giving all of their love and affection to he guys who stepped all over it.

 

Fortunately for many selfish women who take these guys for granted, many of these men are still in the dark on how to change and have just accepted their role as the doormat to women who use them. However, with all the latest on the “manosphere” articles since this Elliot Rodgers incident, there will be just *THAT* much more men who are now exposed to the PUA sites and the “RED PILL”.

 

The other half of these men  have discovered PUA sites (PICK UP ARTIST SITES) to help them understand how to become  more attractive and pull the kinds of women they want, while also protecting their best interests.

 

THE OMEGA MALE; THE CRAZY; THE BITTER LOSER

 

Then you just have loser men who simply cannot connect to women because they hate them and feel that by simply EXISTING, they should have access to any and all women they chose. When they do not get that, they lash out at women. Unlike the other two groups of sexually deprived men who have either put that sexual depravation energy into more productive things like their careers or the ones who finally wake up and realize they have to make some personal changes with themselves to become more attractive to women, these OMEGA woman haters (Like Elliot Rodgers) choose the easy way out by harming women or simply hating them and lashing out.

 

The point I wish to make is this. All of these articles popping up by feminists and women using Elliot Rodgers as some sort of poster boy for “men feeling entitled to women and our bodies” need to have a seat. Now they are blaming PUA sites for the reason why Elliot Rodgers and those of his ilk exist.

 

Sorry ladies. Here to tell you that the PUA sites are a result of the LIES that women have been telling men for so many decades!

 

Men who are tired of being walked over, ignored by women who are rushing to get to the guys who treat them like crap!

 

Women do not want “NICE” men. If we did, we wouldn’t assume every nice guy is some wolf in sheep clothing or “creepy”. Nice guys cannot and will not ever win in this society – at least not with women.  Women need to be more honest with ourselves and MEN and say what it is we really want in men.

 

And that is where the PUA sites come in, and win to teach these in the dark men how to change their mindset and learn about the psychology of women as to be more successful with women.

 

Women have been doing this for decades. We just didn’t call our sites, books, roundtable discussion on relationships and the  psychology of men PUA sites. We talked amongst each other about the good, bad and ugly of men and how we as women can circumvent the psychological processes of men to work in our best interests as women. Well men are now doing the same and feminists are not having it.

 

You see. Men have every right to discuss amongst themselves the psychology of women. Just as women sit around and say not so nice things about the psychology of men, men are finally speaking out about the “not so pretty” psychology of women.

 

And that not so pretty psychology of women to most who have gone through their lives seeing the hypocrisy of women say one thing while doing another, causes them to converge and create way that they will no longer as “good nice guys” be walked over and ignored.

 

The difference between these men on PUA sites and the Elliot Rodgers of the world, are the sincere ones who go to the PUA sites who still have goodness in their blood, truly want to improve with women. They do not hate women, they just want to understand women so that they can be more successful with women. And sometimes what they learn on these sites about the  psychology of women is an eye opener. Then there are of course the loonies who venture to PUA sites and ruin everything with their bitterness and anti-woman rhetoric. But the premise is, most of these men want to make themselves more attractive to women. They want to learn how to become better socially in settings so that women will stop calling them “creepy”.

 

They want love and affection as do most human beings. And  they are doing what they see garners that from women.

 

They as human beings have a right to want to learn the good, bad and ugly of women so they can adapt and have more successful relationships. They no longer want to be in denial or in the dark losing out while the guys who managed to figure out what women REALLY WANT reap all of the rewards of women’s adoration and affections.

 

So please with the “why do men feel entitled to our bodies”. If you are a woman living in a Western society,  you have it made! no man is  forcing you to do anything against your will. And if he does, he will have the law to answer to for it.

 

Western women need to get a clue and shape up or else things will just get worse if we keep lying to men and ourselves.
What we really want are good, solid men with a backbone. A man that is not “nice” and supplicating, nor a man who is a  misogyonist jerk. We want a man who is strong, CONFIDENT, sincere, compassionate but can stand on his own two feet and who we can look to as a protector, lover and someone with good character and good qualities.

 

The problem is NICE GUYS are awkward and typically not very confident and are  socially inept and often times too supplicating for most women to respect. And this is what we women will simply not come out and say.

 

There are a lot of Elliot Rodgers amongst us. Not the murderous, angry, bitter, entitled Elliot Rodgers. But the sexually deprived young male who doesn’t;t understand why women don’t like him despite him being everything his mother and society told him to be.

 

Western Women have the POWER to create the kinds of men and relationships we want. I have always firmly believe that women hold much more power than we give ourselves credit for , especially in the sexual market place, where we have the goods that men want. Men will adapt to women’s societal demands in the sexual market place based on WOMEN’S willingness to uphold ourselves to a higher standard and demand nothing but the best for ourselves.

 

Men have power in various ways. They do not hold it with the sexual market place. What men do is they ADAPT to how women respond and demand certain behaviors based on our ACTIONS.

 

If women want better men, then women have to be better women and stand by that. We cannot have slut walks and then cry foul and say we do not want to be “slut shamed”. We cannot oversexualize ourselves and bodies as women and then claim all men are objectifying us as women. We cannot loudly proclaim we can sleep around with whomever whenever and expect men to hold us in high regard as women, wives and mothers. We cannot be so entitled to feel we can spend our young years as women sleeping around with tons of loser men, ignoring those quality guys and then EXPECTING those same quality guys to love, honor and cherish us as their wives and mothers of our children when our behavior has not warranted such.

 

We cannot live ratchet as women and expect men to not follow or treat us as such. We cannot keep rewarding jerks and losers with our affections and expect men to take us seriously later on when we “CLAIM” we want nice good guys.

 

Its time to be honest with ourselves as women and to men,so that young men can have fulfilling relationships with women and so women can too have fulfilling relationships with well socially adjusted men.

 

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