LOSING HER RELIGION?

So MK requested a post on what a woman’s religious beliefs may have to do with a man’s prospect for dating her.

 

Well this is complicated b/c sometimes even religious people are oxymoron’s – if you catch my drift. IOW’s it really comes down to the individual. Some women hoot and holler about God all day long, about how God guides their every decision, about how they are soldiers for the Lord – and then you see them bargaining with the Devil down the street.

 

Many women especially  use religion solely as a “crutch” and for selfish purposes of throwing it out when they want to come off as having it all together and being completely in tact. Then they throw it out the window  – or rather – put it on the back burner – when they want to do something “UN” religious. IOW’s religion is like a ping pong ball for some women who use it when convenient and toss it to the other side when it’s not convenient – BEWARE of these trollops! So I say some women will use their “religion” as a crutch.

 

Others really do use it b/c they want to meet someone who shares the same religious beliefs, values and morals as they do – and they uphold the very values and morals they are taught to do through their religion – in many cases most people cannot do this the MAJORITY of the time even when their hearts are in the right place. So I would say as long as her actions MOSTLY and CONSISTENTLY display that she *TRIES* to be that person whom she sees through the eyes of religion, then she’s okay. But if she is all *TALK*  about religion and her morals and values, I’d handle her with a long spoon until she has proven she is what she claims she is.

 

Also, remember a truly religious or spiritual person who is looking to sift through prospects for relationships etc., won’t even start talking religion until she is more sure that this guy is one she is seriously considering. She will use his *ACTIONS*, conversations with him, family history, upbringing, proven values, etc.  as a compass to whether or not she wants him in her life. She won’t simply talk all day long about her religion and what she expects etc.

 

Just b/c a woman or man claims religion, goes to Church every Sunday faithfully, yells “AMEN! & HALELUJAH” in church service, kneels at the altar, happily attends Bible study classes every Wed. night and sings in the church choir, doessssssn’t *necessarily* mean they are really all that religious or together. They could be using this as a shield for many different reasons.

 

And for some it really is used as a way to determine if the guy she is getting to know is on the same page as she is morally. So it’s not all bad.

 

I can say for myself, I don’t harp on the fact that I go to Church often b/c I feel a woman can pretty much determine through conversation and a man’s actions on whether or not he shares the same moral code as she does or that she is looking for. Also, people who brag about going to Church IMO are trying to prove something. It’s okay to every now and then talk about Church or how going to Church often is a really positive and great experience. But if a person makes it common practice to constantly talk about how much they go to Church or how religious they are, I am very wary of them b/c a lot of people are phonies who use Church, Religion and God as some sort of surface barometer for others to use to determine their “great character”.  

Just b/c I go to Church often, I would not expect the same of a man I’m with, but I would expect him to share MANY of the same spiritual moral values as I do. And usually that is good enough for many women.

 

I mean. Take my previous stepmother for example. This woman stayed in Church! Her name was ‘going to Church’. But she was the most vicious, conniving, evil and sneaky broad I’ve ever known!

 

What am I saying to answer your question? Get to know the woman and don’t worry about whether she says she is religious or not. Her actions and values will eventually speak louder than AMENS & HALELUJAHS on the alter at church.

 

I go to Church quite often. I am very spiritual and I believe in all things God. But on the flip side, I am still a human being that is not perfect, nor do I strive to be. I do try and use my spirituality  to guide many important decisions and things in my life as well. But you won’t hear me bible thumping or carrying on about my “religion” or going to church b/c at the end of the day I feel that a woman’s values and actions should speak louder than her words.

 

In essence many women spew a lot out of their mouths about religion, but they are far removed from practicing the very thing they are going on and on about. So really get to know her.

 

So fellas AND GALS  the moral of the story is – It doesn’t matter what anyone *SAYS* about their religious “beliefs”, if they aint practicing what they preach, then it’s all for the nothing. Don’t be deterred by a religious woman UNLESS she has proven to be all talk. But if you know she is truly walking in what she believes, and you know without a doubt you don’t share her same moral code or values, you will be wasting your time.

 

A woman who truly relies on her religious spirituality, will allow this to guide and usher people in or out of her life or space depending on whether they belong there or not. IOW’s if you are not on the same page as she is,  or if you really and truly don’t belong in her life (because spirituality will be her shield) you will find yourself ushered out of her space, life, presence fairly quickly and usually without notice.

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57 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Sophia
    Jun 08, 2012 @ 19:02:35

    I think for someone who is truly religious and who values their brand of religion in a mate, they will likely limit themselves to searching for partners within their religious communities. Fish where the fish are, so to speak. The religious Muslim, Baptist, Pentecostal and Orthodox people I know all found their mates via their religious networks.
    For myself, with one or two exceptions (where religion is tied to culture), I mostly don’t care what a person’s religious views are as long as they are not fundamentalist/dogmatic and there is a basic level of respect for other views.

    Reply

    • Neecy
      Jun 09, 2012 @ 15:57:39

      Sophia,

      i find its true in many other non Western other cultures where religion is high on the list – they pretty much stick within the same circles. But not in Western Culture. Especially Christians. I find a lot of Christian or catholic women and people may practice somewhat their religious beiefs but for the most part many don’t. Look at the average American Black woman or White American woman.

      For Black American women who are So called super religious but if you look at the overall attitudes and actions, they don’t coincide with all that religious mumbo jumbo so many like to spew.

      For American WHite women, the same thing. Slepign arounbd, partuing hard and drinking is a way of life for may young Westernized women who usually come from Christian homes.

      In essence many of the so called religious Black women I have known or know are not married to like men. usually the men are no good. So that is further proof that women usually talking a lot of religion don’t relly uphold its standards.

      Reply

    • MK
      Jun 10, 2012 @ 16:42:18

      Would make an interesting case study if an in demand woman who preferred only her same religious background had a choice among an ultimate alpha (billionaire or famous hollywood person) or an above average man with a 150k+ income in her faith which one she would pick. That’d make a fun game show Test Your Convictions dating style.

      Reply

  2. Marellus
    Jun 09, 2012 @ 09:16:48

    There was/is this woman on facebook I know. All her posts are religious.

    Very religious.

    So anyway, I teased her about her … uhhhmmm … what are those off-color spots on your body like that of Pippy Long Stocking … anyway, these spots were on her shoulder.

    She then told me that these spots are unique.

    She then threw one helluva shit-test on my wall, which I believe I passed, since SHE was the one telling me, how nice she can kiss.

    I wasn’t interested.

    She’s getting married to some rich old fogey now.

    [I say Neecy, I'm having trouble with a maths lecturer at a Texas University, that's telling me that she wants to pitch up at my house in a dominatrix outfit. I told her, that if she does that, she's gonna be the one screaming. She said she can't wait ... where have all the coy girls gone Neecy ?]

    And if anybody knows what arguments you can use against an atheist, let me know. I’ve tried Vox Day, but those bastards just counter with insults.

    Thanks.

    Reply

  3. Omerta327
    Jun 09, 2012 @ 14:29:28

    Basically what it all boils down to is this:

    Judge people not by their words, but by their actions.

    And, maybe most importantly, how they treat others.

    We’re all going to judge other people – hell, you HAVE to in order to determine who’s worthy of being in your life and who isn’t. That’s just how it is. We just all have to be smart about it.

    And this doesn’t just apply to religious beliefs, this applies to pretty much EVERYTHING in life.

    Choose the people you associate with carefully – they just might make or break you.

    Reply

    • Neecy
      Jun 09, 2012 @ 16:01:34

      BADABING!!!!

      But I think so many people get intimidated or actually start to buy into people who talk a lot of religious mumbo jumbo. It needs to be re-iterated what you and I said: Judge by actions and not words. ;)

      Reply

      • omerta327
        Jun 10, 2012 @ 08:35:35

        Very true. Religious talk can be quite seductive.

        For me, personally, I don’t really care too much about a girl’s (or anyone’s) religion. As long as a girl isn’t a Satanist or a member of some Jim Jones type cult, she’s up for further qualification. :cool:

        Reply

      • omerta327
        Jun 10, 2012 @ 08:47:04

        …and one other point I want to make. I was just thinking about this.

        What if I was with a girl and things were going well, but she broke things off because she didn’t want to pursue a LTR with me because of religious differences?

        On one hand, I’d think, well, if she’s that devoted to her faith, than so be it. Nothing I can do about that.

        But then again, I’ve never been in that situation. If I was, maybe I’d feel differently.

        Just a thought.

        Reply

        • Neecy
          Jun 11, 2012 @ 16:36:49

          If a girl is that religious she wouldn’t even bother. like Sophia said, truly religious people will seek out others in the same religious circles. So if she is with you knowing you don’t share the same faith or religion, then she either had no serious intentions or was just passing the time until she met someone who did share the same religious beliefs.

          Reply

    • MK
      Jun 10, 2012 @ 16:40:10

      Well said I agree 100% actions are all that matters words are only as true as the observed behavior behind them.

      Reply

  4. Zorro
    Jun 11, 2012 @ 10:25:50

    http://cmd-n.org/2012/05/01/evangelical-american-princess/

    …and this video will probably make you vomit in disgust. I have never seen such a horrific display of shameless entitlement and narcissism in a woman in my life:

    http://fullofgraceseasonedwithsalt.blogspot.com/2012/06/commanded-to-operate-like-princess.html

    It would seem your post is, again, dead-on-the-mark.

    Reply

    • Neecy
      Jun 11, 2012 @ 16:54:40

      LOL. oh boy. While i am all for women promoting high self value and feeling good about themselves, there is a line a woman must know when it becomes delusional.

      I really didn’t see anything wrong with the clips in that it was a women’s conference that sought out to make women feel good about themselves. However, it can be dangerous sending the “princess” message b/c we are *NOT* princesses. And the average woman is going to experience a lot of different things in her life whereas a Princess is coveted and protected and never left to her own devices to live.

      If the average woman starts to believe in this princess theme, she will have unrealistic expectatoin for her life and the people ( or men ) who are in it. Women need to be realistoc. Its definitley a must that a woman love herself and have high standards for herself. But she needs to understand life is not a island with a castle, and a prince on a horse. Life is about building character and understanding the ups and down of such.

      This is what is worng with the princess theme. Women start believing in the fairytale, but yet have to deal with the harsh realities of life daily. If they start buying into this idea they are a “princess’ and woman desevring of the best (when she has not put forth her best) then you end up with a slew of delusional and entitled women who dont believe they have to bring anything to the table except themselves – god or bad.

      I haven’t ever attended a women’s church conference. but the purpose of such should be to teach women how to be healthy individuals in thier faith. not to be or have these unrealistc and childish fantacies of being a “princess”.

      Reply

  5. sophiahealth
    Jun 11, 2012 @ 17:09:11

    Hey Neece and gentlemen,

    How are you all doing? I actually have nothing to add but wanted to drop by and say a quick hello :-)

    Reply

  6. sophiahealth
    Jun 11, 2012 @ 17:10:45

    The above was sent by me, Sophia, by the way. I am following in your footsteps Neecy and created a health/paleo centered blog for my family and friends. I only forwarded to link to a handful of people…surprisingly anxious about having content out on the Interwebs…

    Reply

  7. jess
    Jun 12, 2012 @ 03:25:13

    OMG! I remember you from BBW. You were M.I.A. From that site for a while… I was curious abt what happened to u, Chris K begged u to come backs in the comment section. How did the dating site membership u won go?

    Reply

    • Neecy
      Jun 12, 2012 @ 09:46:39

      Hey Jess!!! Thx for dropping in!

      It was okay, I’m not big on dating sites but i used it b/c of the free membership. I actually met a few guys who I ultimatley did not have any real interest in afterwards. There was one I was heavily considering but later thought it best to not pursue b/c he was much younger and still going to college (although very cool) and the others I just didn’t feel we had a connection.

      I just started posting back there as well.

      Reply

  8. omerta327
    Jun 13, 2012 @ 07:07:26

    O/T, but I wanna get the opinions of the ladies on the blog about this. All both of you. ;)

    It’s about Beyonce’s little sister Solange.

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2158324/Solange-Knowles-proudly-defends-afro-critics-natural-hair-unkempt-dry-heck.html

    Personally, I love it. I think she’s beautiful.

    Reply

    • sophiahealth
      Jun 15, 2012 @ 19:37:37

      Oh, the old natural hair wars :-) I’ve witnessed these sort of arguments in the past when I frequented natural hair boards and I’m sure Neecy is aware of them as well. It’s more about creating hierarchies where none should be. This time it’s defined curls versus free form afros.
      I think Solange is pretty as she is. As for me, personally I like my hair to not look so thirsty.

      Reply

      • omerta327
        Jun 16, 2012 @ 13:15:44

        Thanks for your input, Sophia.

        I say wear your hair any way you like, it doesn’t matter to me. I just think it’s wrong to feel like you have to straighten your hair because you feel the need to live up to society’s “standards”.

        I was talking to a black woman I know the other day about it, and that’s what she told me. And she doesn’t have an afro type hair style, and doesn’t want it. To quote her directly, “I can’t live without my relaxer!”

        Reply

        • Sophia
          Jun 16, 2012 @ 17:00:54

          Omerta,
          I think it’s sad as well that some women feel the need to “relax” their hair to fit into some kind of standard. It was a real standard that black women had to negotiate as minority women in the US for the longest time though. Afros, braids, micro-braids, twist-outs were absolutely verboten for the longest time in the business and professional world but as society evolved, standards evolved as well. Increasingly, more and more black women are choosing to retain their natural hair. Interestingly enough, the higher the SES of the woman, the more likely she is to be natural.

          Reply

          • omerta327
            Jun 18, 2012 @ 10:25:46

            Speaking of Solange, I just discovered this song over the weekend. Don’t know if anyone’s heard it.

            I guess she’s got a new album coming out this year, and this is one of the songs that’s leaked off it.

            I really like it. Reminds me of Aaliyah.

            Reply

          • Neecy
            Jun 18, 2012 @ 23:02:26

            Very true Sophia. More and more BW are feeling comfy to wear thier hair in natural styles. And they should if they want. Its apart of them.

            Reply

    • Neecy
      Jun 18, 2012 @ 23:00:03

      UGh i am so over the ignorance and bullshit with Black women and out hair! Every Black woman should have a right to wear her hair however she feels without being harrassed or made fun of. This is a long standing issue b/c for so many years Black women were kinda forced to conform to European ideals – especially with our hair. We see daily how straight and silky textured hair is considered more “feminine” and so many Black women for various reasons straighten their hair.

      But for those who chose not to, they should not be targeted and put down. If anything, we should celebrate all the choices we have in wearing our hair and how everyone is unique. I have worn my hair both straight and natural. I preferred it straight after last year b/c I felt it fit my face better than the shorter hair.

      I could never wear Solanges style of afro, but if she likes it I love it. I say to each her own. I have yet to and have never had a desire to wear weaves in my hair. Just never been something that I cared for and I never really needed any for length.

      Reply

      • omerta327
        Jun 19, 2012 @ 07:51:47

        Yup. That’s exactly what my friend was saying last week – trying to live up to European standards.

        Sophia also brought up a good point about BW having to resort to that in order to be able to get good jobs and succeed in their careers. That was the standard and, like it or not, they had to go along with the game plan.

        But like I said, I like the kinky afro look on BW. Of course, I’m a white guy w/ a shaved head, so maybe I’m just envious. :cool:

        Reply

  9. omerta327
    Jun 15, 2012 @ 07:06:49

    Wow. Crickets. Again.

    Well, it’s Friday – time for a feel-good, old-school, forgotten R&B jam.

    That is, of course, if anyone shows up around here.

    Reply

  10. Marellus
    Jun 16, 2012 @ 10:09:25

    Neecy.

    Can you make a woman horny by touching her hands “just so” ?

    Reply

  11. Sophia
    Jun 16, 2012 @ 17:02:26

    Marellus,

    I’m not Neecy but women are sensual beings with a strong affinity for touch. You can turn on a woman by touching any part of her “just so”.

    Reply

  12. omerta327
    Jun 16, 2012 @ 19:34:22

    Happy Father’s Day everyone.

    Larry Fishburne said in Boys N the Hood, “Any fool with a dick can make a baby, but it takes a real man to raise his kids.”

    Well, HERE’S a fool with a dick.

    http://articles.nydailynews.com/2012-05-20/news/31791241_1_children-tennessee-man-women

    Reply

  13. Matt
    Jun 18, 2012 @ 20:27:01

    Religion is an odd topic become there are those who trumpet how religious they are, but turn into the most cunning, snakelike people in existence. Then there are those that are quiet, never mention it, but “walk the walk” every day. I’m not Christian, but for the most part, “You shall know them by their fruit” is a good way to judge people.

    One thing I’d like to say, just because it isn’t said often. Religion isn’t about being perfect. Everybody’s human and nothing will make us perfect. Religion is about adhering, as much as possible, to the code set down by God. It’s about saying “These rules are what I base my life on and I will follow them to the best of my ability. Though I may stray, I will return to them and follow them as loyally as I can. The Almighty will judge me when I meet Him.” Seeing a self-proclaimed Christian having a bad day does not me he isn’t a Christian, it means he’s having a bad day. It takes a few outings with somebody before you can say “He’s religious” or “He’s a snake”.

    I’ve never found it again, but I remember hearing about a study that said that the divorce rate drops by about 25% (from around %53 to about 21% or so) if the two people getting married are the same religion. So, if you’re an atheist, marrying a devout Christian is probably a bad idea. When controlled for other “big” issues (ie. spending habits, views on child rearing, etc), it drops further.

    Glad you’re back Neecy.

    Reply

    • Neecy
      Jun 18, 2012 @ 23:17:31

      Hey MATT!! yes youa re correct. being religious or spiritual does not mean that one is perfect or even strives to be. But there is an expectation that if you acknowledge and claim such, you should (as you pointed out) try to live as closely as possible to the principles.

      While I respect everyone’s religion or right to not have a religion (being an atheist or other) I couldn’t see myself with a man who wasn’t at least spiritual in some manner.

      Reply

    • omerta327
      Jun 19, 2012 @ 07:58:56

      Well said.

      Reply

  14. Neecy
    Jun 18, 2012 @ 22:23:38

    M’kay i am back in action folks! Had to go out of town for work and didn’t have time to log on. Missed ya!!!

    Reply

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