Brace THYSELVES. GRAB a coffee, green tea, ciggy, joint, vibrator, or whatever the hell it is that helps you get through a novel. Neecy is back with yet another War & Peace post.
ALL TOGETHER NOW
Hello my sisteren!!
Well I wanted to talk about the current and recent wave of Black women empowerment sites and the INTERRACIAL dating aspect. This is kind of piggy backing off of my previous post on Black women/White men and interracial dating online and the challenges faced by many Black women who are discovering a not-so-colorblind world in the online dating scene.
I think there may be a bigger message the universe is trying to send to Black women. BE EASY! RELAX!
I think Black woman empowerment blogs and sites are amazing b/c they finally have given Black women a place to mingle amongst like..aheam PROGRESSIVE minded Black women who are not interested in putting on their SISTER SOLDIER uniforms and battle gear for Black men and Black people. We are a very new and rare (yet growing) number of women who finally realized something: IT’S OKAY TO LIVE OUR LIVES AS WE PLEAS WITHOUT GUILT OR PERMISSION from the SOUL PATROL.
One aspect of Black women empowering themselves is relinquishing this idea that we have to be exclusive to Black men when it comes to dating, relationships and intimacy. For decades and even today many Black women close themselves off from the outside world (which includes other races of men) because of the indoctrination to stay as the backbone/workhorse and sole thread for keeping Black people and Black community together.
As a result we have spent less IF ANY time focused on improving our lives and selves as women and discovering and utilizing our greatest feminine strengths that would make almost ANY man bow down. When you recluse yourself to a BLACK HOLE for almost all of your life, you lose sight of the tunnel and the light that awaits at the end (once you escape from the hole and attempt to get down that tunnel).
Ultimatley, Black women as a whole has lost sight of what the bigger world has to offer – both good and bad. As a result of Black women being the sole thread holding things together for Black communities and people, we have had to adopt a tougher less feminine nature by allowing the Black community to define our womanhood as either the overweight asexual caretaking mammy to everyone and their needs, the loyal doormat to Black men and their needs and women who don’t seek reciprocation.
So when we start talking about Black female empowerment, interracial dating cannot be removed from the equation b/c it *IS* part of it as it allows Black women to finally seek out men of any race that can and will appreciate and make her happy (and vice versa). It also shows Black women how being feminine in other cultures is KEY to winning the quality men of that race over.
Now, we have many Black women discovering how womanhood as defined in the Black community does not translate to desirable womanhood in other cultures and in mainstream – physically and mentally. We have plenty of new born again Black women trying to re-discover their true feminine nature and desirable qualities that have gone without appreciation by her own group of men and people.
Some of these qualities are – rational and emotional stability, more feminine qualities, and being in better physical shape. YES being in physical shape and optimal health is KEY to being a feminine woman. WHY? Because a true feminine woman takes care of herself in every manner. Being obese and overweight does not signal a woman that ultimately takes care of herself to maximize her physical beauty and health. I don’t wanna delve too much into this, as this is another topic/post in and of itself altogether.
Having pointed out all of the above. The point I want to make (OMG YES I AM FINALLY GETTIMG TO MAKING MY POINT AND PURPOSE OF THIS POST – THANKS FOR STICKING AROUND THIS LONG IF YOU MADE IT TO THIS PART) is…….
I feel that too much emphasis is placed on “snagging” men of other races – especially White. While it makes the most sense to focus on a larger pool of men who are more likely to date interracially, I think often times Black women interested in Interracial dating start becoming somewhat DELUSIONAL about the challenges that they will inevitably face once treading that water.
Many BWE sites will only discuss the good of interracial dating. They hardly if ever focus on the challenges. I kinda understand WHY they may not do it – no sinister motives behind doing so, but ultimately they are not fairly representing the good, bad and ugly of interracial dating. This leads many of vulnerable Black women to believe everything is all peachy keen when it comes to dating interracially and finding men of other races. IT’S NOT SO.
They also start believing that other races of men are the ANSWER to all of her issues as a Black woman. And then once again we have Black women going from putting all their eggs in one basket with BLACK MEN, to doing the same with WHITE MEN. That is not empowerment. A womans empowerment should hardly focus on MEN b/c her femininity will take care of that part. It should be about SELF and a collective measure to improve the quality of life for Black women as WOMEN. Everything else falls into place once that is accomplished.
I get it. Focusing on positivity will result in positive outcomes. But not focusing on reality can also lead to disastrous outcomes as well. And sometimes reality aint all GOOD. Instead of being negative about the reality of things, there can be focus placed on how to overcome the challenges of reality where possible.
So. Instead of preparing Black women for the *REALITIES* and *CHALLENGES* of interracial dating, the main and only focus seems to be on telling Black women how its “ALL GOOD”. How once she decides she wants to date a White man or another race of man, it will happen and all good things will come in that search. That other races of men are just waiting with open arms and a willingness to love and accept Black women. And then what happens? Black women realize that isn’t as easy as some of these pro interracial Black women empowerment sites have told her.
She excitedly start signing up on various online dating sites where all of these men would and should be in abundance, only to realize the REALITY that very little are seeking her out and are excluding her BASED ON RACE ALONE. Now we have many a Black women back to square 1 and confused – “but so and so blog told me it was gonna be easy all I had to do was this. But now I am realizing it aint so”.
And as a result of that, you have many *DESPERATE* (not really empowered) Black women encouraging others as a way around these realities to LOSE sight of herself as a woman and play games (that only really hurt her and diminish all empowerment goals) just to get a Non Black man to see her and acknowledge her. NOT GOOD and I feel this is a scary road that some Black women are traveling just to get some man of another race by any means necessary. The idea is not to just get a man of another race.
The idea is to first gain yours self respect as a Black woman so that when you venture out into the Interracial dating arena and encounter damaged and/or racist men you know how to handle it properly without losing yourself and self respect.
Now what does that racial rejection mean? That Black women are innately undesirable to other races of men? NOPE. But it can mean that (going back to the beginning of my post) b/c BW have spent so much time being *BLACK COMMUNITY BLACK PEOPLE* women, that has translated to other races of men over the decades as a collective issue with BW and therefore they don’t bother. This includes the things I discussed such as lack of feminine behaviors and qualities, lack of taking care of our bodies and selves physically. This all translates into desirability.
Unfortunately, BW’s reputations precede us in the world (more so African American) to no ones fault BUT OUR OWN and those who have used their power to only ENHANCE what we have given them (the media).
Instead of Black women empowerment sites really focusing on this reality, they send Black women out there blindly saying “it’s all good” and many Black women are finding “it’s not so”.
What is my message? I believe that any woman that improves herself as a person both mentally and physically, will not have to do much work to attract men of any race. So I am saying to the BWE sites – step back a little of the interracial dating aspect. Focus more on BLACK WOMEN. Not MEN.
BLACK WOMEN and how we as women can change our plight through educating ourselves on our past and moving out of the matrix we’ve been caught up in for CENTURIES. As we simply continue to focus on US and NOT “catching men of another race” as the sole reason for our empowerment, the challenges will slowly dissolve, there will be less delusional Black women (and less desperate Black women), and more confident women who are ready and who UNDERSTAND what they are up against once they enter into the IR arena.
The end result will be happier Black women with more quality men and not desperate Black women with mediocre to damaged men of other races.