OK peeps, I need you opinion on another matter again as you know I like to look at and receive feedback from outside sources on a situation. Not that I look to change my mind, but I am always open for growing, improvement or just people who always agree with every word I say! LOL
So as many of you know I frequent on occasion Game blog and PUS site just b/c I find interest in how men generally think when it comes to dating and mating. Now, what I have found there is an 80/20 rule when viewing a game blog and reading the comments. That rule goes like this in my eyes:
80% of the commenters SHOULD be ignored
20% of them actually have something worthwhile to contribute
But simply based on having been on a PUA community forum for over a year I simply realize that when I step out of my woman’s mind and look into the minds of men you discover some things. Maybe even things I shouldn’t know or even want to know, but nonetheless…
The thing that has most intrigued me about visiting online PUA communities is moreso realizing how men have been given misinformation (for the most part) from women on what and how to handle the dating mating arena. Also, the ideals of the “roles” (biologically) men and women are here to perform for the most part.
What I have discovered just my hearing it from the horse’s mouth on men and comparing that to my own womaness and that of other women I interact with from coming out of the womb is that the rubber does meet the road somewhere in the middle. Meaning, that some things men are saying about their experiences with women *ARE* accurate and true whether women see that or acknowledge it. Just as some of the experiences of women when it comes to men *ARE*accurate and true whether some men want to acknowledge this r not
So the situation:
Let me start by saying I, at times, have a very strong opinions on some things and as a result at times it can cause me to go off on tangents or turn molehills into mountains. I acknowledge this. But often times I do it b/c I am really passionate about something and feel there is a message that may not be getting across on a grander scale. I have found that possibly my views and opinions are too strong for a lot of women sites/blogs b/c women typically I find these days pussyfoot and sugarcoat things to come off as “nice” or “drama-free” all in the name of creating a falsehood or not addressing certain things. And I find that a lot of men feel this way and thus why they flock to game sites to try to understand the female mind and how they keep getting mixed signals.
This is where I need the fellas to weigh in –especially since you are familiar with GAME sites and their message that men need to MAN UP in the dating/mating arena.
So another forum I was on (mainly female) had a post where a guy wrote a long “romantic” poem to a woman he had never officially met or knew. It was to a woman that had a real effect on him with her beauty who as in attendance at this “safe event” where it would have been PRIME for him to approach her. He admittedly did not approach her b/c of his shyness in that particular situation and felt like kicking himself afterwards as he felt he missed an opportunity to connect with a beautiful woman he really was impressed by. Thinking about it afterward he felt he missed an opportunity. So, as a way to “redeem” himself, he sent the blogstress who ran the event a poem to be posted on her site hoping that the woman he let get away will read it – and somehow a love connection could be made.
Now. I personally believe if he were going to write a poem to a woman he never met but wanted her to see he should have kept the poem private (not posted on the blog for all to see and comment) and instead, have the blogstress send it to the woman he was too shy to approach at the event. Nonetheless, he requested she post it on her site, which she did.
In my mind, I believe he may have thought (as most shy men today who have been lied to and who have seen waay too many romatic movies) that ALL the women would swoon over the poem and beg this woman to see how wonderful this gesture was and give him the time of day – and therefore why he either requested and green lit it to be openly posted for all to see.
Unfortunately that did not happen. Now the responses and feedback was 50/50. 50% of the women going on about how sweet and adorable, hot and romantic the poem was and how they wished their SO would write them a poem like that. The other 50% of women were honest and said things to the effect that while the poem was a good gesture, the reality is that a man who is too shy to go after what he wants is a man they feel will continue to miss out. Most of the comments in that (you snooze you lose) realm pointed to the idea that shy men who do stuff like this are somewhat of a turn off b/c women expect men to be able to “man up” and go after a woman he wants.
Anyway, I chimed in of course and really hit hard. Maybe it’s from my PUA training (lol), but I flat out said that this “shyness” (especially among White men) has to cease soon b/c in the dating/mating arena the shy sweet men who write poems etc., are going to lose out. That the men who get the girl and what they want are the men who have dealt with their shyness and simply go for it rejection be damned.
I said that a man needs to overcome shyness and more men need to “MAN UP” in this area in order to have better success in the dating arena with women. I also explained the frustration women have with constantly hearing certain men say “I let this woman bypass me b/c I was too shy to say anything to her”.
He responded defensively and claimed that we knew nothing about the situation or him in general and we were just playing on stereotypes and making our own assumptions. I responded in kind saying that once a person places something he or she does on a public forum for all to view (i.e. a poem) then feedback should be expected which would and could consist of both positive and negative. If the blogstress only wanted positive feedback she should have made a disclaimer to not post anything against the poem and to keep all comments in agreement.
I also got on the poem thing and told him to never write a poem to a woman he doesn’t even know! That is just… I said flat out that it came off as supplicating (and possibly creepy to some women) – and yes one woman said it came off as creepy. LOL But most women would never tell a man this. Instead they would be passive-aggressive and say to his face “oh that is so sweet” blah blah blah and then talk behind his back or walk away thinking this guy is a total “creepy” dude.
Maybe not all women but MOST women. And how do I know this? Because the dudes who make out the best in the dating market are not the ones writing poetry to women they didn’t have the guts to approach at a PRIME and SAFE EVENT.
I feel he should have just let bygones be bygones and either (1) learn from that missed opportunity and work on what he would do NEXT time in that ituation or (2) simply kept his poem private between him, the blogstress and the woman he sent it to. Or been actually grateful for the respectful yet HONEST comments from those of us who saw his shyness and poem as a typical missed opportunity that men need to start improving on.
I also suggested that he view Game blogs to understand that this is *not* what most women deem as romantic or attractive – BASED ON the admission of former and current shy men who have made various fumbles like this to only see their efforts go in vain.
I also pointed out that women LIE to men ad tell them one thing but based on what we say women’s actions say another. That ultimately the sensitive, shy sweet guy is not the guy most women are *REALLY* falling for. Most women want a guy in the middle who does not supplicate to women (especially ones he doesn’t know) b/c he made the ultimate fumble and let an opportunity to simply approach a woman pass him by IN A SAFE EVENT that would have been perfect for him to even say *SOMETHING* to her.
Anyway, the result was a bunch of moderators and other members (who claimed the poem was sweet) talking in riddles and saying that we basically attacked this *POOR* guy and that we are always “running the men away” with our bluntness and that the forum should be a safe place for people to express themselves.
Of course I don’t get it. If you put yourself out there EXPECT people to respond – and it’s not always going to be POSITIVE! If you don’t want people responding to something you do or giving you HONEST feedback or criticism KEEP IT TO YOURSELF and don’t place stuff openly on public forums.
I’m just tired of women feeling like we have to keep LYING to men. The fact is there are a great number of women who don’t find shyness or that behavior of writing poems to women they don’t know sweet or romantic. They see it as effeminate and emasculating when a man can’t simply go up to another human being and at least try to start a conversation. I get it. It happens an.d we all miss opportunites from time to time. But my feeling is in these kinds of situations, a man just needs to chalk up his loss and try again on the next woman who he may find interesting or beautiful, rather than writing a poem after the fact
Am I wrong or being a heartless bitch? Was I too hard on the guy? Should I and the other women who didn’t really swoon at his poetry and situation kept silent?
Please let me know if I handled my feedback and situation wrong b/c I just believe men should hear another POV instead of always hearing the “oooh we love that sensitive guy stuff” only to later see most women talk out of their asses.
I am not saying a man shouldn’t write poetry or be romantic. That stuff should be saved for the woman in his life, not random women he saw at events and didn’t have the guts to approach. A man should never be so supplicating to a woman he doesn’t even know. Its just not a good look. Save that stuff for women who you actually know and who have reciprocated affections. Not strangers!
Now I’m the bad guy, I don’t understand why though. I was just being HONEST.