A recent situation with a friend who just got engaged made me think to write this post.
Do you all believe that women and men should look past whether a person has the same religious, economic, educational things to have a wider net to cast for finding a partner?
How much should one compromise on certain things for a relationship?
How much do opposites *REALLY* attract and do you believe that people who are generally opposites, stay together for long perids of time or more temporary time frames?
HYPERGAMY OR JUST HYPERCOMMONSENSE?
Why do some men balk at women who seek out partners that are either equal to or above themselves – especially in cases of financial?
It has always been said that men, no matter what will always innately seek out the most beautiful women they desire for wives and mates, while women will always seek out the best providers as husbands and mates.
While these days it is still widely accepted and promoted that men have the right to be guided by their eyes and pick women based on how attractive they are (and not be called all kinds of negative adjectives b/c of it), women still are fighting for that same adjectevless (HEY I MADE UP A NEW WORD!!!) status for seeking the best man.
“I AINT SAYING SHE A GOLDIGGA, BUT SHE AINT MESSIN WITH NO BROKE………”
UGH I hate Kanye West but I couldn’t resist! LOL
When women these days exercise their desires to seek men who are on the same level or better than they in financial arena they receive the label “goldigger” and “hypergamous” simply for trying to seek out the best male partners possible.
How is this anymore “shallow” than what men desire in a mate almost ALWAYS first, in between and foremost which relies mostly in her PHYSICAL appearance. Physical appearance doesn’t really determine if that makes her a good woman, a good future prospect as a wife and mother etc. It just simply means she “looks good”. But usually this is the biggest biggest requirement most men seek first. Also, a man with financial means doesn’t mean he is also going to make a great husband or father either.
But when a woman seeks a man for things that will benefit himself, her and her offspring for the future, she is shallow? A man who is ambitious, a man that has a job, a man that is always seeking to better himself, goes deeper than just the surface. There are actual benefits to both parents bringing two EQUAL or better incomes to the table – unless one partner makes so much money that it doesn’t really matter if the other isn’t. This however does not apply for the AVERAGE people making average wages and salaries. Wealthy people play by a whole set of other rules.
The thing is men aren’t *GENERALLY* as against dating a woman of lower status than they are. But for women this could be disastrous!
This is not about seeking out RICH men or men with a lot of assets. Its about at MINIMUM seeking out a man that has close or equal to at least what you have or maybe even more. Does this mean that men should not also seek mates on somewhat of an equal footing? NO! Men should also seek females mates based on what she is bringing to the table OTHER THAN her looks.
What is wrong for women finding men who are ambitious and who do well in their lives, as to make not only better partners but better fathers (if kids are desired) as the types of men they should want to be with, marry and have kids with? It is INNATE for a woman to seek these kinds of protections for her and offspring. Isn’t this practiced in the animal kingdom as well?.
MEN LOSE ENCOURAGEMENT TO DO WELL WHEN WOMEN ACCEPT “LESS THAN”
It has long been okay in the past that women be smart about the kinds of men they choose to date, marry and pro create with. Now that we are living in the days of EXTREME FEMINISM GONE WILD, we have more than enough women who settle for crappy mates, un ambitious men, losers with nothing going for themselves, men who don’t care to work, men who are pretty much not bringing anything to the table.
I also believe this encourages a lot of men to feel they don’t really have to do much or bring much to the table to get a woman. in the past no man would be able to LOOK at a woman unless he had a job and means and was ambitious. This encouraged men on a wider scale to do well b/c they would not be seen as viable mates or fathers unless they did well.
I know lately there has been a big ado about the lack of men in fields that they traditionally did well in – like manufacturing etc. We need men to always be encouraged b/c men build and create societies that prosper. if more men are not doing anything, society suffers! Don;t you think?
When you have a man like this and the woman is the opposite of all of those things, eventually he becomes resentful and in some ways feels emasculated (b/c he isn’t the breadwinner to he person bringing anything to the table) and the woman starts to also get resentful and see him as a leech or simply a man she just puts up with b/c maybe she doesn’t;t have any other options?
THIS HITS CLOSE TO HOME
I have known several women from friends and family who fit this profile. And they are MISREABLE and very insecure! ENough for me to say that it is a problem when a woman is *NOT* hypergamous b/c she and the male and any kids in that relationship all suffer. She starts feeling insecure and starts resenting that the man she is with is not able to provide AT least help her out, he starts feeling like he is getting his balls busted everyday by a woman who is doing more than he, and the kids see a lazy father an an insecure mother.
My aunt and her husband are a prime example. While I think he is a nice guy and loves her, I know she loves him too. But she is always bitching about him not working etc. Talk to him crazy at times. I don’t take up for her b/c SHE CHOSE TO MARRY HIM THIS WAY. So guess what? SUCK IT UP! WOmen who make hasty decisions in who they marry and then later complain, I don’t feel sorry for them. They should have chosen better before the marriage. They believe suddenly a man is going to change after he gets married? LOL
I have a friend who is about to be in this situation, and I am so afraid she will end up like the other women I know in bad marriages b/c of this.
She has been with her b/f for some years. This friend of mine is very ambitious and a go getter. She likes having a certain lifestyle and enjoys doing various things that require her to always be working and pulling in a decent income. Her b/f on the other hand – complete opposite.
He does have a job but he makes significantly less than she does and this is a problem b/c she carries the load. if she were to lose her job tomorrow, they’d both be assed out – even though he has a job. They wouldn’t be able to stay in their apartment or even int he area they live.
She pays all the rent, bills while he contributes very little to their living and lifestyle. He is not very ambitious to get out there and try to make more money b/c he is comfortable with the fact that he knows she will be out there busting her ass to make ends meet for the both of them. IOW’s he is not really looking to move out of the low paying job he has been doing for the last few years to get something better. he’s also not college educated while she is.
Recently she started I guess making comments about being stressed financially and being irritable. I guess he started to feel like she was going to be moving on (b/c honestly she *CAN* do much better than he) so he pops the question to her for marriage. :rolls: UHM how you going to ask someone to marry you, and you cannot even contribute financially to the wedding or to your basic living expenses?????
So you would think this a time where most women are going to be screeching with delight that her b/f of umpteen years has proposed right? NO. She is absolutely miserable about it b/c now it has dawned on her that the weeding she wants is all going to be on her dime. She said she *ALWAYS* wanted a nice big wedding b/c she has lots of friends and family. Well the way things are looking, she won;t be able to get that big wedding unless she can pull money out of her asscrack, off a tree or hit the lottery.
She doesn’t make a boatload of money, but if she were single she wouldn’t have much of the strain she is now bc she is pretty much taking care of two people.
She also really loves him and doesn’t want to feel like b/c he is not making a lot of money that he is not good enough. But frankly, I feel that people lose that love after awhile when they feel strain of always carrying the load. Something she doesn’t seem to understand that can happen down the line. I just feel why put yourself in an even more strainful situation like marriage to a person who cannot even contribute to your basic living expenses and who is not even ambitious enough to see that he needs to be doing more to help THE BOTH OF YOU financially.
I don’t say anything to her about him b/c honestly some people are just happy in these kinds of situations or they just do not have the guts to move on. But I have seen this scenario play out with more than a few couples I knew. All I said to her is that if you marry him, then its not fair to just up and leave the marriage bc you already knew what you were getting into before you married him. SO basically i was telling her she better think hard b/c once you marry its a whole different ball game and its not as simple as walking out b/c of things like this that you knew BEFOREHAND.
Anyway, how do you guys feel about this? Does money matter in a relationship? Is it very important that two people in a relationship at least be on the same level education wise, ambition wise, financial wise?
Should men also be very wary about women who make significantly less than they or who are of lower status?
Me personally, I would rather be single than to deal with a stressful situation like that. How about you?
So much for one to two paragraphs, but you gotta admit this is pretty short FOR NEECY for a discussion topic