THE 4 C’s ~ Halima Anderson (Black Women’s Interracial Circle)
Is what Black women will start receiving from society and men as a whole when Black women learn to STOP the othering ourselves as women.
When looking at many of the issues affecting African American women, a lot of them can be drawn back to the FACT that we are typically the only group of women who enjoy “othering” ourselves as women despite the FACT that is has dire consequences for Black females.
FIRST THING’S FIRST
What is othering?
3. Of a different character or quality: “a strange, other dimension . . . where his powers seemed to fail” (Lance Morrow).
6. Opposite or contrary; reverse: the other side.
IOW’s you are not like the rest – you are different. In a society and world women who are deemed “worthy” based on their femininity receive what Hailma of Interracial Dating Circle has called the 4’ C’s.
This perfectly outlines what many women of the world (Western societies) receive from powerful, masculine men when they are deemed feminine and worthy of protection. Those C’s perfectly outline the power of being deemed feminine and worthy b/c they allow women to reap the benefits in a patriarchal society.
let’s face it. Women need men and vice versa. If you are a feminist please don’t bother reading this b/c I don’t care to hear your nonsense about how women don’t need men blah blah blah…
As outlined in a previous post women NEED male protection. Women need ethical, healthy masculine males to protect them in a society and world where there are male predators and misogynists who HATE and can and will do harm to women.
In a society and world where the most powerful and healthy men create the standards and make the decisions, women who are in favor with these men will reap many benefits. Not just from powerful men, but men in general of all walks of life, economic status and such.
In order to keep predatory men in check and to retain laws and such that protect women, there needs to be AMPLE amounts of Normal healthy masculine powerful men to uphold these laws and police other men as they are on the same level b/c a man is an equal fight for another man.
In a patriarchal society and world, women who receive the above C’s are going to fare the best in society and in the world.
In Western societies where women are *generally* treated the best on the grander scale compared to other cultures and such, you see this clearly with certain groups of women.
When you look at how White and Asian and sometimes Latina women fare in healthy thriving western societies, the women who are most feminine and deemed WORTHY of male protection and the 4 C’s are receiving this based on the *IDEA* that they *NEED* these things b/c as women, powerful sane and healthy masculine men want to protect these kinds of women based on their deemed femininity.
Remember femininity naturally sets off positive triggers in a healthy masculine male – not just physically in terms of protection but also in terms of providing and making ways for a better quality of life. They also seek to maintain the emotional and mental health of such women by reducing her burdens and battles.
Its innate for a male to want to protect what he deems as vulnerable and/or the opposite of what makes him masculine. While femininity is not a weakness, the reality is men are physically stronger than women on average, and women generally no match in physically being able to defend themselves against males.
Also, in patriarchal societies most men seek balance to their masculinity and naturally want to bestow affection, love, support, COURTESY, CONSIDERATION, CONCESSIONS, & COOPERATION upon women whom they deem as worthy of receiving that. When a woman exudes the highest level of femininity, she by default will receive this from the male population that is SANE, MASCULINE, HEALTHY and NORMAL and the ones who aren’t would be too fearful to attack or target her out of fear of retribution BY OTHER MALES.
We can argue that race plays a greater role in that most Non Black men generally seek to protect and uplift their races of women on average compared to other groups of men *cough* Black men *cough*, the reality is ALL men are more apt to protect women regardless of race if she is deemed worthy by feminine qualities which triggers in most masculine men a need, want and desire to protect and uplift.
WHEN YOU DECIDE TO BE APART OF THE BOYS CLUB – EXPECT TO GET TREATED LIKE ONE
For the most part, Black women COLLECTIVELY have yet to see the 4 C’s bestowed on us. Many Back women may be able to say they have on a more microscopic individual level, but as a whole Back women do not typically receive these same benefits as other races of women.
The question is, is it b/c of RACE or a perception which deems Black women as not in need of these things b/c Black women do not exude behaviors that would trigger in most healthy men to want to rescue, protect, give considerations and such b/c Black women are standing side by side with MEN doing these things for MEN and all others?
If Black women are acting like “the boys” then “the boys” are going to see them as “the boys” and thus, “the boys” will not feel an innate need, want, or desire to extoll the 4 C’s upon Black women.
FIRST THING’S FIRST: STOP THE MAMMYING
In piggy backing off of the previous thread about BW and the importance to stop MAMMYING themselves for every damn body and start taking care of NUMERO UNO FIRST, and others who are giving back and reciprocating SECOND, and NEVER-MINDING the people who are simply using Black women for their own personal gains and self esteem and then tossing us out to the landfills (until they need is again), this is why the concept of no longer othering ourselves is important.
As many intelligent women in that discussion pointed out, when people deem you as a woman that has no feelings, needs, wants or desires, you get treated as SUCH. And then in your time of need when you need others to bestow the 4 C’s upon you to HELP YOU, you are left in the cold by yourself.
When people are attacking you, you want that same Calvary available to all other women coming on their horses to help and or defend you b/c everyone needs allies and support. People who have neither, are more apt to suffer and have to deal with many unfortunate issues alone and without ample support needed to sometimes pull you through. Not only that you become an EASY target and vulnerable in unhealthy ways.
THE FINE LINE BETWEEN HEALTHY VULNERABILITY & UN-HEALTHY VULNERABILITY
Basically some people see vulnerability as a whole a bad thing – especially for women. I see it differently. I feel vulnerability is bad when a person (people), place or thing is deemed UNWORTHY, INFERIOR, DIFFERENT (in bad ways) b/c these are typically people who become targets of the crazy, ignorant, predators, selfish people etc. and are ignored or beneficiaries of apathetic others who don’t really see a need to support or stand up for that person, people, thing.
And after being the beneficiary of above parties targeting, then you don’t receive the protections and 4 C’s that come from those in power or positions to make and stake a stand to send a message be it directly or indirectly that they will not sit by quietly and watch you be a target.
Then there is healthy vulnerability in which people deem you SO WORTHY that they are always looking out for you even when you don’t expect or possibly need it.
When you have ONE group of women OTHERING themselves (Black women) as being “STRONG” and always directly and indirectly fighting everyone else’s battles (acting like one of “the boys”), yet its clear no one is fighting hers (not even herself) then that is BAD vulnerability. Especially when Black women have many many issues collectively that place us in highly unhealthy and sometimes even DANGEROUS vulnerable positions that need our dire attention as to progress forward.
Then you have the healthy vulnerable women. Non Black women. They are seen as vulnerable in that they should not have to be in harms way, they should not be targeted, they should not carry too many burdens b/c it affects their overall femininity which is wanted and needed by males in society.
Women will naturally lose feminine qualities the more they are subjected to stressful situations without support or protection, or when they are the constant carriers of burdens alone.
So b/c these women are deemed vulnerable, there are protections and the 4 Cs are in place to make sure that there is a great effort in fighting for these women when they are in need, in danger or in situations where they cannot do it alone.
Most healthy men with resources and power FEAR women losing their feminine qualities b/c society and men suffer when women are not allowed to be WOMEN and embrace the better parts of womanhood. And the better parts of womanhood are kindness, sweetness, generosity, graciousness, empathy and a great effort to look, feel and be attractive and feminine b/c they don’t feel pressures to be anything other than free to be a woman.
HOW DO BLACK WOMEN STOP OTHERING THEMSELVES AND BECOME FLUTTERING LITTLE BUTTERFLIES?
STOP MAMMYING! That’s first. if you don’t know what I mean, scroll down to the last post written and read, wash, rinse, and REPEAT until you clearly understand why MAMMYING is very dangerous and harmful for Black women.
NEXT. Stop acting as if you are built of steel and so strong that it turns people off to wanting to help or support you b/c they start feeling they are not needed.
This is in general for why Black women are often not deemed in need of a calvary or protections. Because we come off by directly or indirectly saying “we can do it all by ourselves and don’t need anyone”.
That kind of thinking hardens a woman and sends off vibes and fumes to all others around her that she is tough and made of steel just like a man.
STOP MULING FOR THE BLACK MAN AND BLACK COMMUNITY
When Black women recognize their WORTH, they will see how the Black community is dangerous to her progress as an individual and a WOMAN. The Black community is NOT set up to embrace the femininity of Black women. WHY? Because there is no more Black community if Black women by whole and large embraced their femininity. WHY? Because that would mean Black women would say “OH HAIL TO THE NO I am not going to be treated like shit, abandoned and left to fend for myself and carry the whole black races burdens when Black men aren’t doing it” – “DEUCES!!!”.
The Black community seeks to keep Black women as the MASCULINE PROTECTOR, MULE & BACKBONE b/c the men refused to be such. Its perfectly acceptable for Black MEN to escape and leave the BC once they make it. They run off and marry women of other races and raise mixed families in better communities and environments where their children are free from the ills of the typical Black community.
YET Black women _ WOMEN _ are expected to “stick it out” and keep fighting the good fight for Black people even when it endangers her well being mentally, emotionally & physically.
You see. if Black women were perceived in a healthy vulnerable light as women, people would never EXPECT us to carry the burdens of Black people, BLACK MEN OR Black communities (which are not very prosperous and often times dangerous to women and children).
INSTEAD, people expect BLACK MALES to run away and protect themselves and their future and future OFFSPRING (with other races of women) when they are able to do so.
And who supports this notion the most? BLACK WOMEN.
Yes BLACK WOMEN still keep fighting for MEN who are abandoning them in the droves for better lives with other races of women. Yet when one of these Black men get in trouble with White police or some other racial profiling nonsense, who are out freedom fighting, picketing and acting like crazed maniacs in the public and media? BLACK WOMEN. And yet, their non Black wives get to sit by and watch their husbands get defended by scores of SISTER SOLDIER BLACK WOMEN fighting his public battles and cries for EQUALITY, and these Non black wives get to sit and be quiet and enjoy being women who are not expected to fight and scream for a group of men’s right’s – not even their husbands. LOL
THE “ANGRY BLACK WOMAN” – A DEFENSE MECHANISM
Let’s face it. Black women deal with a lot of SHIT. A lot of shit that we are often not deserved to deal with. but bc people UNDERSTAND and KNOW the unhealthy vulnerability and lack of protection Black women have, we make easy targets for losers and people of the world and society who need to step on, shit on and target others they deem beneath them and vulnerable in unhealthy ways without protection.
AS a result, Black women often have very defensive demeanors which can translate into being sassy, mean, or having a very bad attitude. that is what i call a defense mechanism often misdirected in the form of being “the angry Black woman” b/c this is the ONLY way Black women have been taught or have learned how to defend herself.
Insert latest issues with little NINE YEAR OLD Best Actress Oscar nominee Quvenzhane Wallis being called a “C%NT” by a popular entertainment news rag called THE ONION.
Yes a little 9 year old Black female oscar nominee was said to be “kinda of a little c%nt” on TWITTER by the above Newspaper.
And while there was a large outrage by many people of many races and genders, and an immediate apology by the CEO with a removal of the actual tweet within an hour, the FACT that anyone felt SAFE to publicly state that a 9 year old was a “little C$nt” is what Black women should be concerned about.
Because we ALL KNOW if anyone DARED say that about a WHite NINE YEAR OLD little girl on one of the best nights of her life, carrying a puppy dog purse and generally being a little 9 year old, that paper would have been shut down, advertisers pulled, and the world ready to burn the actual SHITHEAD at stake who would have had the guts to tweet such a vile disgusting thing about a CHILD.
See what happens when you lack receiving the 4 C’s? Not even innocent little Black girls enjoying the time of their life for doing something positive and meaningful are safe from being called one of the most vile disgusting things a person could call a female let alone an innocent child.
And of course it was a large case of the SILENCE OF THE LAMBS with WHite feminists who were more concerned with Seth Mc Farlane singing about actresses whose breasts we’ve seen in movies. *YAWN* One day Black women will see the Liberal WHite feminists DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU. Many openly made it clear that they weren’t so “bothered” by the C word being thrown at a young Black girl oscar nominee b/c “they weren’t really calling her a C4nt” or “it was just satire”.
One Jezzi article went so far as to suggest that the C word isn;t such a bad word. LMFAO!! I guess its not really , when a 9 year old Oscar nominee Black girl is on the receiving end of it.
MY SUGGESTION ON A BETTER DEFENSE MECHANISM FOR THE SISTAS
Fight back with your wallets and stay on top of advertisers and such when a Black woman is publicly demeaned and maligned unecessarily.
If its a more personal local situation, defend yourself in a way that people do not expect. Don’t huff and puff, but handle the situation assertivley by protecting your rights as much and in the best way you can. Getting angry, cursing and going off doesn’t help Black women get any of the 4 C’s.
But showing your vulnerability (WHEN ITS NECESSARY) is going to win a lot more people over in your corner than when you go off and become the ABW (Angry Black woman).
But really fight back where it counts. The best revenge for Black women is upping the ANTE on living better lives, being FEMININE BUTTERFLIES, that leave the haters, users and losers grasping for straws and the generally apathetic towards Black women people realize that we are deserving of protections and the 4 C’s.
HOW TO CHANGE AS WOMEN AND BE SEEN AS A WOMAN LIKE ALL OTHER WOMEN?
Black women have to pretty much look INWARD and to others of the same mindset for ways on how to practice living for SELF. You will never EVER learn or practice this by continuing to serve the LEECHES that have collectively used Black women for their own benefits and gains.
You see Black women looking out for self, being feminine, happy, in shape is not in the best interests of a lot of other people who PRETEND to be in our corner. I take that back, no one (not even the Black women leeches) pretend any more to even care about Black women! LOL they understand Black women’s BLIND UN DYING LOYALTY to all things and people (except themselves) requires no need to even PRETEND they even care about us except when they need us to fight their Public racial gender battles, or be the face and poster girls for their FAT ACCEPTANCE campaigns etc.
That is where finding other like minded Black women are VITAL to the success of this. My Black female friends (my close ones) for the most part are all ont eh same page and in our lives we work to live the best life for OURSELVES by keeping people outside of our circle, lives and vicinity who are not willing to reciprocate or treat us right.
When you surround yourself with like minded women or people with the he same goals, you have a much stronger support system in place to keep encouraging you to be the best you can be and to learn never-mind the BS and people who are simply out to suck you dry and then leave you in the dust.
Now off to get rested for — MY BDAY TOMORROW!!! WOOT WOOT!!!