Think of your life as an ocean and the haters are just seaweed floating around in it.
Think about seaweed. Not really its beneficial factors but think about seaweed on a practical level of what it does to a person who experiences it while in the ocean or at the beach.
You are at the beach in the water. You are enjoying the waves of cool water rushing against your feet and legs. Then suddenly as you step further into the water you feel this sudden rapture of sliminess tangling your legs and feet. You look down slowly and carefully praying to God it’s not some swamp creature that’s found its way through the tides to your feet and legs. But you realize it’s not an AWOL swamp creature but this ugly slimy mass of stuff that looks like a water creature with leaves, and you run for the sand. As you are running back to the sand and your beach chair you see bits and pieces of that slimy nasty looking seaweed in various parts of the sand with a bunch of flies and bees covering it.
Not pleasant is it?
So when you are thinking about all the anti-Black woman haters, think of them as that slimy mass of seaweed trying to funk up, and de beautify your beautiful ocean. They are they to entangle and entrap you in your bliss and to make you run from that beautiful ocean back to land and sand. See where I am going?
Stay in your ocean and let the seaweed float on by as it’s supposed to do. When you see it coming your way, move and let it float right by you. Seaweed and haters have a purpose – but it’s not YOUR PURPOSE.
THERE’S NOT ENOUGH ANTI-BLACK WOMAN PROPOGANDA IN THE WORLD TO KEEP YOU FROM PROGRESSING
All the BS and anti-Black woman propaganda in the world cannot stop a progressive Black woman from progressing HAPPILY and succesfully in her life. This something very important for Black women who are sojourners to remember. That all the anti-Black woman crap is just floating seaweed in your big beautiful ocean.
THIS mindset, I feel is the foundation of every progressive Black woman’s sanity, success and happiness.
Let’s face it: We live in a world that is insensitive and sometimes even hostile to the very existence of Black women. BUT, that is just a small portion of shit that really doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. As long as people are not violating your civil rights, physically harming you, let them continue to make all the articles, studies and declarations against us as women. Because at the end of the day, if they are not literally stopping you from breathing and living, then you have soooo much more to look forward to each and every moment of your life.
I feel Black women (I am talking to myself here as well) get too caught up in trying to defend nonsense with idiots. Recognize, when someone dislikes you simply for being, you cannot convince them of anything. It’s best to let them obsess and wallow in their hatred. Let them be filled with all that hate and deflection. Because we all know if people have time to hate on others, it’s usually because they don’t want to spend that time and energy FIXING what is wrong with themselves.
STEPS AND KEYS TO LIVING WELL
- Do not argue with haters; they are seaweed trying to entrap and entangle you in your beautiful big ocean of possibilities
- Understand as notyourgirlfriday.wordpress.com pointed out so eloquently in a post directly related to this (called some things are just terminal) that some things are JUST TERMINAL. RACISM is terminal. COLORISM in the Black community (against Black women of a darker hue)It’s not going anywhere. It’s TERMINAL. Meaning it cannot be fixed anytime soon so just accept it and move on with your life. You cannot change how some people view or perceive Black women. It’s best to just let them live with their perceptions, but to stop making them yours! What someone else thinks of you or perceives of you as a Black woman, doesn’t HAVE to be what you perceive of yourself as a person and Black woman. You already know what the underlying driving force is, so why continue to let it consume you?
- Only deal in reciprocating relationships. Black women are so bad with blindly supporting people and entities who have not yet proven themselves in our best interest. This is male/female, female/female, you/family ANY kind of relationship you are in other than one in which you are volunteering to help the needy or disabled or children, you should be getting back equally what you are giving MINIMUM. Keep people out of your life who are draining, negative, emotionally unavailable, sociopaths, users, opportunists. Black women do not have a safety net of others to fall back on (except therapists and psychiatrists) once these kinds of people strip you of your resources, sanity and happiness. Best to avoid them and keep your spidey senses aware. It’s real simple. Remember that if you only deal in reciprocating relationships if someone is not giving back what you are giving; cut them off out of your life. ACTIONS are key to Black women determining who should remain in her life.
- Stop trying to get in where you do not fit in. Some things are just not for us as Black women. This society has set up ideals and standards for others and will continue to put mass amounts of money, support and man power in keeping it that way. Instead of boycotting, doing sit outs, having marches and writing mass letters to “include” and acknowledge us as Black women, START YOUR OWN! Pull away your money, resources, time nad support from those people or things not supporting you or showing you that they even give a damn about your support. Stop begging for other people to give you their scraps! This is how Blacks are in the position we are in today. Instead of creating and building for ourselves, we seek to get from everyone else.
- Start creating your OWN privilege as a Black woman by building a network of support and camaraderie with other LIKE MINDED RECIPROCATING Black women. Do not deal with other Black women who just want to drain and take because there are many out there amongst other people and groups who do this to Black women. This also means you have to STOP putting other people’s needs and issues before your own. I am going to go more into detail about this in its own post but I wanted to mention this here.
- Remain somewhat aloof and apathetic to things and people who are not in your best interest or who seek to use you for your resources, time and energy. Stop trying to fight everyone else’s battles b/c the writing is clearly on the wall – IT IS NOT HELPING YOU further yourself or Black women’s issues! STAY OUT OF IT! Other people have plenty things in place to fall back on when they are in battle. THEY WILL BE OK. Black women don’t. Save your energy for helping yourself and other Black women who need it – as well as your allies of other groups who have proven they are in reciprocating relationships with you. No amount of battling for others causes and needs has garnered any kind of reciprocation for Black women’s needs or causes.
- Understand you have a right to your own individual happiness without explanation to ANYONE. Stop making disclaimers for your happiness and personal choices. They are what they are. If others can’t handle it, too fkn bad! They’ll survive once they realize they should be focusing on their own life and business and not yours.
- TRAVEL TRAVEL TRAVEL. Get outside the “BOX” because often times what we (especially American Black women) are constantly exposed to and see, is not always the way it is globally. This is going to be a very important aspect for Sojourners is TRAVEL. I also feel that it’s going to be an important aspect for young Black women who want to marry and find suitable mates is traveling abroad and out of America. It’s just a fact that in others parts of the world some men can look beyond the skin color of a Black woman and see her as a person FIRST and FOREMOST. The odds of finding this in America are possible but not always there. So for young Black women I definitely recommend travel and a willingness to move abroad.
- Surrounding yourself with other progressive minded Black women. Of course if you cannot be in close physical proximity to other like-minded BW, the internet is a great place to convene with other like-minded BW. This will help you gain knowledge and have a supportive network of women who are on the same page and see things the way you do. Often times we can offer insight on how to keep pushing forward. A lot of BW are going at things alone in the world, because there location or wherever they are they cannot find others to lean on for support. The internet can be a BW’s greatest enemy or best friend. It’s how you use it. If you spend the time on the net looking for negativity about BW, then it’s your enemy. If you spend the time on the net looking for pro Black women supportive sites and networks, then it’s your best friend.
- Be supportive of those who are supportive of you. Do not just take, take, take but give. This goes back to reciprocating. Progressive Black women are not like the atypical AA person or woman who believes that she should get everything free while supporting all the other people and entities that are abusing Black women, abusing our images, or just willing to take our money without throwing us a bone. (see Khadija’s post regarding this at Muslim Bushido)
- HAVE BOUNDARIES! This is one area that Black women lack. BOUNDARIES. When you have boundaries, people have no choice but to respect you. When you do not have any boundaries, people will shit all over you, walk all over you and feel nothing doing it. Because you have not shown that you even care enough about yourself to keep certain things within your boundaries and giving people a line that they should not cross. With so many Black women it’s ANYTHING GOES. Just toss it against the wall and keep waiting for something to stick. Progressive Black women do not live like this.
- Beautify yourself!! I said it. I am so tired of Black women slacking in this area. There was a time when Black women took pride in how they looked and sought to enhance our unique beauty at every given chance. Now is the time for Black women to take back OUR beauty and start promoting it like in the past. At some point Black women just gave up! If you look at BW from even the 50’s – 80’s they were well put together and always pretty and feminine looking and acting. NOW? Pssh!
- Stop looking to groups of men based on race to save you and rescue you. AINT.GONNA.HAPPEN. Let go of that pipe dream ladies. Black women are too caught up in “this race of man this” crap. NO RACE OF MAN IS IN YOUR CORNER!! NONE! There are individual men of varying races who can love and be supportive of you – THAT IS IT. Black women simply do not have that luxury of depending on a certain group of men be it racially or whatever to big us up, put us on a pedestal or even rescue us. This includes Black men, White men, Asian men, Indian men, Latin men and any other male species. So instead, see men as individuals and not a collective. This is the only sane way Black women can be successful in relationships. PERIOD. Men are INDIVIDUALS to you as a Black woman. They are not a collective. White women, Asian women, Latin women have the benefits of depending on collectives of men. BLACK WOMEN DON’T. It’s a hard pill to swallow but once it goes down and gets in your system, life is so much more freeing and your relationships with men will be that much better.
- The only way for BW to stop feeling left out and bothered when lunatics, racists and Black woman hating losers and their silent buddies are constantly putting down BW, is to remember that you have no collective group of men of ANY RACE in your corner. Just individual quality men who see beyond the bullshit and nonsense. Realize there are only a selective number of individual men that God handpicked for us Black women to depend on and have relationships with. If you haven’t figured this out by now, better get on board quick because you will continue to be in for a rude awakening if you don’t.
- “Judge a man by his character” Is not mumbo jumbo for Black women. It’s the only way Black women are going to have healthy and fulfilling relationships. Trying to judge a man by his race and collective is gonna prove to be dangerous to a Black woman in terms of having a healthy relationship. Because MOST men are brainwashed and too ignorant to go against the grain and think for themselves and see beyond a Black woman’s racial exterior to be of any use to a Black woman in a relationship. Black women need SOLDIERS and WARRIORS in our corner. And they are not gonna come in any particular collective group. They will be amassed of individual men of varying races.
- Stay financially ahead. MONEY TALKS. A Black woman with no money and resources can’t get anywhere. Black women need to be DILIGENT about being entrepreneurs and surrounding yourself with other ambitious Black women. The only way BW will eventually begin to create our own privilege is with money and resources.
- BOW OUT of mainstream media by no longer supporting it. This is the CRUX of why Black women are in the anti-black woman position we are today. Mainstream media has done quite the job on the image and perceptions of Black women, almost to a point where I am not sure if it can be reversed. There are too many people who benefit off the terrible images of Black women. SO the only thing left for Progressive BW to do is to tune out, bow out, and create our own media FOR US BY US (this is something I am working on since this is where my biggest passions lie). Ladies – you tube is a great place to start. THE REVOLUTION *WILL* BE TELEVISED. ;)
I am sure I left out some things. That is where I ask anyone in the audience to point out some things I may have omitted or forgotten to mention that you feel is important for Black women to live well in this whirlpool of madness we are seeing against us today.