STOCKHOLM SYNDROME – and its psychological parallels to Black American Women

Stockholm syndrome, or capture–bonding, is a psychological phenomenon in which hostages express empathy and sympathy and have positive feelings toward their captors, sometimes to the point of defending them. These feelings are generally considered irrational in light of the danger or risk endured by the victims, who essentially mistake a lack of abuse from their captors for an act of kindness.[1][2] The FBI‘s Hostage Barricade Database System shows that roughly 27% of victims show evidence of Stockholm syndrome.[3]

Stockholm syndrome can be seen as a form of traumatic bonding, which does not necessarily require a hostage scenario, but which describes “strong emotional ties that develop between two persons where one person intermittently harasses, beats, threatens, abuses, or intimidates the other.”[4] One commonly used hypothesis to explain the effect of Stockholm syndrome is based on Freudian theory. It suggests that the bonding is the individual’s response to trauma in becoming a victim. Identifying with the aggressor is one way that the ego defends itself. When a victim believes the same values as the aggressor, they cease to be a threat

HMMMMM. Interrresting.

When I read about Stockholm syndrome the first group I often think about afflicted with this horrible psychological condition are American Black women.

Now, now now, I understand Black women are not being held captive at gunpoint by any robbers or captors in a scenario where they cannot escape.

So you ask, Are Black women being forced and held captive against their will literally? NO. But we can see a parallel in SS and AA women clearly.

SO HOW ARE BLACK WOMEN AFFLICTED?

Think about the Black community. It may as well be a captor, an aggressor that seeks to rob and hold Black women as hostages while Black men are free at will with no repercussions to date and marry and simply live the blissful lives they choose outside of Black community lines, while Black American women are expected to be the sole thread and glue keeping the Black community and “people” afloat and connected.

Black women are expected to endure the Black community cesspool while progressive and even NON PROGRESSIVE Black men are expected to leave it and all remnants (including Black women) behind in search for their *INDIVIDUAL* American right to live the American dream. If that means throwing Black women under the bus, in many instances, SO BE IT! No shame in their game!

Meanwhile, what is this hostage situation providing for Black women? NOTHING. Instead, guilt, retribution, abuse, neglect, non-safety, and just a general mental and emotional poison that keeps Black women trapped and unable to move on with their lives as individuals although they see the situation they are in is dangerous and unhealthy. But unlike typical victims of SS, Black women *DO* have the ability to make a clean break and get away from their situation IF THEY SO CHOOSE.

Key operative phrase was *IF THEY SO CHOOSE*. BUT, Black women collectively  *don’t so choose* in large numbers and thus what makes many American Black women VOLUNTARY sufferers of Stockholm Syndrome.

Just like the victims of Stockholm Syndrome described above in the Wikipedia description, Black women instead continue to carry on with irrational feelings of affection, empathy and sympathy and continue to defend all the people, groups and entities who habitually abuse her and her womanhood.  Interesting that the description points out that victims of this unfortunate psychological position, will often defend those mistreating them and abusing them as well in certain instances turn the abuse they are receiving into “kindness”.

:eek:

WHEW. Are yall still with me? Come on now Progressive Black women see clearly where I am going with this and are already knowing, what the deely is and how clearly this psychological issues affects so many Black women collectively its scary.

“OH HOW DO I LOVE THEE? LET ME COUNT THE WAYS!” ~ Stockholm Syndrome affected Black women to their Captors

Ok. let’s count the ways!

 1.) BLACK MEN

It is really no secret to anyone with eyes, ears a radio and television on how the typical American Black male feels about Black women and treats them collectively. We are used as their stepping stools by any means necessary to further push whatever agenda and privilege they have – usually ALWAYS  this is at the expense of Black women in some way, shape or form.

Instead of Black women saying “hell-to-the-no” Black women offer up their backs and anything else to help their “abusers” “users” get ahead. Of course there is no demand for reciprocation from Black women either. WHY? Because Black women automatically and stupidly ASSUME that all their “love” (what I prefer to call obsession by indoctrination) by going above and beyond for obvious users and abusers will eventually reap some rewards for us at SOMETIME in the future.

And, when it’s clear that there is no “sometime in the future”, no rewards, no praise, no Calvary coming to rescue or give back what Black women freely gave, then Black women keep pretending that they don’t see the forest and keep looking at that faltering tree that keeps bending and bending until its ultimate demise when it just falls over and snaps.

Black women continue to shout from rooftops how “many ways they love thee Black King” and we have not heard nor seen a PEEP from Black men reciprocating that same sentiment. Instead,  Black men’s ACTIONS (the only real way to know how someone truly feels about you) has shown they basically could care less if Black women were to all walk off a cliff yesterday to never return – that is, until they need some Sister soldiers to fight “DA MAN” and the “JUSTICE SYSTEM” when he gets in some trouble.

OH But wait, there’s more!

2.)  MEDIA

These feelings are generally considered irrational in light of the danger or risk endured by the victims, who essentially mistake a lack of abuse from their captors for an act of kindness.

Just because they aren’t calling you bitches or hoes or verbally abusing you, doesn’t men they aren’t abusing you. Sometimes your captors are wolves in sheeps clothing.       :twisted:  Sometimes, your captors will actually throw what it looks to be a bone, but its a bone tainted with poison.

Black women just loooooove supporting them some Black woman nonsense. They even loooove supporting other people’s priviledge at her own expense and the expense of Black women in general. Even when she realizes it’s just further digging our image and womanhood in the hole. Black women will continue to act blind and run to support ANY and ERRRBODY making a movie, TV show, in where it features a Black woman in ANY OLE ATYPICAL non positive role, and where we are always in some kind of Pain porn, dysfunction, or being shown as the atypical unwomanly, masculinized, non-feminine nature – and especially when we are not the recipients of NORMAL FUNCTIONAL loving relationships.

Black women (like the description pointed out of Stockholm syndrome sufferers) will continue to make *EXCUSES*  and vote with their wallets wide open for the very people using her image as a dirty MOP to swipe over Black womanhood.

The crazy thing about it is, black women will complain to the high heavens about how they are “TIRED of being shown as this, that and the other” but will run to the television and theater to support the very images and things she feels are creating a bigger issue for the perceptions of Black womanhood.

WHY?

Just cause! In Black women’s minds, something is better than nothing. Crumbs are better than Nothing! They’d rather support a Black person or Black actress by any means necessary portraying some mess about Black women because many Black women unfortunately believe that “MAYBE ONE DAY if we keep sacrificing our dollars and selves for everyone else’s benefits that they will throw us a bone like a good ole dog get when he keeps begging and doing tricks!”.

*SIGH*

And then we get back to reality. There is no ONE DAY. There is no bone. There is no Calvary. There is no Black man on a horse. There is no White producer, casting director, writer, filmmaker willing to sacrifice what they have been gaining off the backs of Black women, to GIVE US what we need and want to see of ourselves in the media.  BUT, one thing for sure, there is that old dog doing tricks and still  begging.

Giving back to Black women  would not be in THEIR best interests, so like SMART shrewd people and entities that they are, they keep on taking from those foolishly willing to give and give while neither seeking nor demanding nothing in return. Unfortunately, Black women did not get the memo on shrewd and how to be such when dealing in certain situations as to protect herself and ourselves collectively from being used as road kill once again for everyone else’s entertainment purposes.

Instead,  Black women keep marching on like plastic lifeless brainless  toy robotic soldiers doing nothing but continuing to blindly support and make EXCUSES (there goes that Stockholm Syndrome again) for the very things and people diminishing her value as a human and woman.

The Media is probably the biggest source of this monopolizing on Black women’s non shrewdness and desperation for ANY CRUMBS – and they are winning, with many Black women running alongside them in the race with signs of support and excuses as to why they keep allowing themselves to get bamboozled into supporting and word of mouthing Black women NONSENSE!

3.) GROUPS, ORGANIZATIONS THAT ALREADY HAVE PRIVILEDGE

It kinda goes back to that mammying thing. Black women looooove swooping in to be the “saviors” and freedom fighters for groups of people and things that ALREADY have privilege and a safety net to fall back on. People who, don’t need BLACK WOMEN but gladly take from us what we are willing to hand over because hey, all the help they can get is good!

Notice I put “saviors” in parenthesis because Black women are not really saviors. When someone already has privilege over you, someone else gave it to them – and it wasn’t a Black woman. Black women can’t even save themselves! How can you call yourself saving others. All you are doing is expending what little energy  and resources you do have and helping to prop up everyone else above you FURTHER. That’s all.

Just giving them that extra push ahead with your support, resources and dollars. All those things that if you kept to yourself would prolly catapult you past some of these groups who are constantly stepping on your shoulders and back to get ahead.

Also notice how these groups like to run guilt trips when certain types of Black women (LIKE ME) refuse to strap on some my sister soldier uniform and boots,  utter a peep, drop a penny in their bucket, or give them praise. Pssh ask me do I care?  Ask the growing numbers of Black women *WHO DO GET IT* if they care about those pathetic tried BUT UNTRUE guilt trips on us?

4.) BLACK WOMEN & PAIN PORN,  DYSFUNCTION PORN, UN-FEMININE PORN; 

Move along. Nothing to see here. Just more Black women being used as road kill for entertainment purposes. Filmed at 11.

Somewhere someone or something told Black women that their whole existence revolves around pain, anger, dysfunction, and it is our duty to accept it and go out by the millions to support any and everyone willing to show the world this. Am I saying Black women and HUMANS in general don’t experience these things? Nope! I’m saying Black women’s whole existence is not simply revolved around those things. Believe it or not Black women- Like to laugh, like being in love, like being feminine, like being complex 3 dimensional functional sane human beings with a life! A GOOD LIFE.

Not err Black woman is down in the dumps, grossly overweight, and entangled in some dysfunction or pain.

Like Stockholm Syndrome sufferers, Black women ACCEPT these captive/hostage  like perceptions of us and can’t seem to see beyond that. Yes. Black women are held captive and as hostages to those very issues that the world loves to see using. Even if that is not the reality for many Black women, because so many other Black women have become COMFY and SETTLED into these roles and positions in life and in television, film, music, it becomes a way of living and life for so many Black women.

That is why it’s so easy for them to keep supporting movie makers (Black male moviemakers) who ENJOY making trillions of dollars off Black female dysfunction, pain and un-femininity. And they are getting rich from their mental and emotional hostages – BLACK WOMEN!

So Neecy, if all of these things are as clear as day to Black women, why do Black women keep DOING IT?

“Identifying with the aggressor is one way that the ego defends itself.” ~ Wikipedia on Stockholm Syndrome sufferers

WOWWWWWWW! DAYUM. Wikipedia Went.there.

Yeah it makes sense though. I mean it’s much easier to pretend these things are not happening, that you are not constantly being bamboozled, used and abused, when your ego just won’t allow you to accept the hard truth. When your esophagus just won’t open up and let the red little jagged pill down.

Come on. It’s pretty freakin hard to accept some nasty truths. Especially when you have been hoping, praying, giving and sacrificing all in the name of “ONE DAY WE GONE GET OUR DUE FROM EVERYONE WE MAMMIED FOR”, and that day just keeps never happening. I mean how could your ego not take a beating.

But Black women need to stop with the stubbornness and accept the truth. Swallow the red jagged pill and STOP with the nonsense! Pride will kill you – and your images.

THE DAY THAT KEEPS NEVER HAPPENING, WILL CONTINUE TO KEEP NEVER HAPPENING…..

 

Until Black women recognize, no one is happily going to toss over their privilege to YOU so that you can get ahead on their backs like they have done of you.

That one day that CAN and will happen is when Black women take hold of their future, image and womanhood and stop peddling it to people who are using it as a dirty MOP to swipe over the collective humanity, desirability, femininity and dimensions of Black women.

That day Can and will happen when Black women stop making excuses for their mental captors robbing them blind of their womanhood, prosperous lives  and positive images.

That day Can and will happen when Black women LEAVE without guilt (and permission) the  places that keep her entraped, entangled in poison, dysfunction, danger, and neglect.

Basically that day will happen when Black women DO FOR THEMSELVES what they have been waiting, hoping, sacrificing, making excuses, for everyone else who has shown they ARE NOT going to do for us.

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60 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Bishop The Eastside Nappyhead
    Oct 21, 2013 @ 09:02:28

    you havent heard black men reciprocating because your not listening, you have got your mind made up already about us savage beasts.. lol…i am laughing but it is actually pretty painful. I am such an advocate of the black family. But as a rational human being I do understand what you feel your plight maybe there are plenty of Neanderthal out there, and the media doesnt make it any better. If you lived in middle america and used rap videos to sum up who we are you’d think we were one step removed from the great apes. But thats not the case, there are wonderful successful God fearing disease-free gentlemen out there who say they cant find a good partner but want nothing more to be with a natural black woman. I left the country to find my significant other…still made sure she was black though. Posessing a great deal of Melanin is very important in a partner for me lol i travel to a lot of sunny places and I’m not a fan of sun cream on noses

    Reply

    • Neecy
      Oct 21, 2013 @ 21:14:47

      Hey Bishop!

      Look I think we’ve been here before no?

      Yes there are good Black men out there who appreciate and stand by Black women. The point is THERE ARE NOT NEARLY ENOUGH! If you as a Black man claim to love Black women, you will drop the selfishness mentality and admit that there are more Black men walking over Black women than standing by them and being supportive.

      This is what kills me about the so called good Black men. You keep acting as if you can’t see the reality simply because you may be different. Instead of being offended by the truth admit it and work to offer your opinions on why it is.

      If you think this is painful imagine what it must feel like for the scores of Black women daily who are left to fend for themselves because Black men do not protect, defend or uplift Black women. Think about how painful it must be when Black women have to conatsntly be bombarded in the media by racist ideals often SUPPORTED and sometimes SPREAD by BLACK MEN.

      Come on. Swallow the red pill and admit Black men have dropped the ball big time, and Black women have a right at this juncture to no longer feel any real ties to many Black men other than the ones who are apart of their life contributing in positive ways.

      There are decent Black men out there, but y’all are waaay too quiet. the only time you come out to say anything is when you realize Black women are waking up and moving on – and you do this because of the fear of how it may even affect you as a Black man.

      Reply

  2. neurochick
    Oct 22, 2013 @ 09:53:18

    I think that’s the problem. There are a lot of good Black men out here; I see them every day. The problem is they keep their mouths shut when the lousy ones degrade Black women.

    Example: Take Scott Peterson. Now, when it was known that he had murdered his wife, I didn’t hear white men make excuses for him. I didn’t hear white men say, “well, he had a bad childhood,” or “well his wife was probably nagging him to death and he snapped,” or, “it’s classism.” Nobody made excuses for him. He killed his wife, and that was wrong. But if a Black man commits a crime against a Black woman, well here come the excuses, “he had a bad childhood,” or “he didn’t have a father growing up,” or “it’s racism”.

    That’s what bugs me.

    Reply

    • Robynne
      Oct 22, 2013 @ 11:12:48

      If the so-called good bm are keeping their mouths shut in the face of anti-bw vitriol, they are just as culpable as the bm wielding the hatchets. If he is so good, he would man up and police the loudmouths. Don’t see that happening.
      So, any bw who can see the forest for the trees better disengage from supporting random bm ASAP….

      Reply

      • Neecy
        Oct 22, 2013 @ 23:08:12

        ITA ROBYNNE!

        The bottom line is so called good black men remain quiet because they know they benefit deep down and they are selfish because speaking up for black women is going against the PRIVLIDGE they know they have when it comes to whose more valued.

        So they don’t say anything for selfish reasons. Notice the only time good black men speak out is to try to encourage black women to not “leave”. THAT is the only time we hear from them. That us because they know it affects them when black women leave. Yet they aren’t willing to put in effort or work to make things better for BW. They just expect black women to hang on simply based on them saying there are still “good black men” around.

        I say for progressive black women, they’re a day late and a dollar short!

        Reply

    • Neecy
      Oct 22, 2013 @ 23:01:59

      Yes Neuro great example. But I think it all boils down to how a community, race and culture values or devalues their women.

      In white culture the women are valued for the most part, AND the women demand to be valued for the most part.

      So what you get are generations if men and women in white culture/communities working towards that goal.

      When particular cultures like BLACK race/culture places more value on men instead, it doesn’t matter if men are the perpetrators against women – they will always be coddled. Which is why so called good black men remain quiet. They do not wang to speak up against their PRIVLIDGE and the upper hand they have in the culture that devalues and debases its women in an effort to uplift its men.

      Reply

      • neurochick
        Oct 23, 2013 @ 06:50:47

        Yes, that was the point I was making. White men didn’t make excuses for Scott Peterson; but had he been a Black man, there would have been scores of Black men making excuses for him. And you are correct, if a society values men ONLY, there will be trouble.

        And yes, Black women need to gravitate towards people who will respect us, why stick around hoping the men will change.

        Look, I knew a young guy years ago (white guy BTW) who had a girlfriend for about eight years. I asked him, “do you think you two will ever get married?” and he’d be like, “um…um…” but he stayed with her, because she allowed him to sleep with her, even though he wasn’t really invested. Guess what happened? One day he told me how he met this girl at a party and BOOM it was love at first sight. In a year they got married were expecting a baby. Old girlfriend hung around for nothing. I always tell young women that example. Don’t hang around waiting and hoping, 9 times out of 10 it won’t go your way.

        Reply

        • Neecy
          Oct 24, 2013 @ 20:52:10

          YEP.

          Neurochik I cannot tell you how many times I have seen, read or heard this happening. Women wasting thier time and energy on men who are not going to step up to the plate. later these men, give the women who demanded something what they want and deserve.

          The same applies to Black women. Black women sacrifice and sacrifice for Black men to their own detriment, and Black men run off and take their resources, time and energy to other races of women who DEMAND to be treated well.

          Women who sit and wait are always the losers in this game. The women who love themselves first and demand the best GET THAT.

          Reply

  3. Bishop The Eastside Nappyhead
    Oct 23, 2013 @ 05:30:13

    man up and police the loudmouths? Am I my brother’s keeper? I dont think its as calculated as you ladies point out. I think the so-called good BM is working 2 jobs to provide for his family and almost blind to the savagery out here. The amount of anger and having it all figured out is breathtaking to me. I mean jesus “in white culture the women are valued for the most part” what does that even mean? what is white culture? there are so many ethinic and national groups within that mixture and some of them are way more mysoginistic than black men, i mean where is there a larger number of husbands killing their wives? Do you consider Albanians white? They can be the most savage of all. People are people, If I see a woman getting taken advantage of in the street I will say something but im not going out looking for it trying to police other black men in their own relationships, if that makes me just as guilty well then I understand why you need to be with ‘Brian Lebowski’, maybe he polices other Polish guys about how to treat their women because he realizes hes the most privelaged of all, If black men are Privelaged-Lebowski must be sitting there near God. I know I know Im not changing any minds here, you ladies already seem to have your minds made up that us black men are at the bottom of the scale, and you seem to glorify white men to the point that you give them positive attributes that arent even there. Honestly i dont even know why it gets to me so much. I have been running into more and more women like this as I climb up the ladder of success and find myself in other social circles….makes me wanna stick with the local project girl, she seems to have it figured much more jeez

    Reply

    • The Alchemist
      Oct 23, 2013 @ 19:14:48

      The women that you run into in social circles act the way they do because they know that Black men have been putting themselves first for at least 60 years. Black made the mistake of showing their hand via social media. The cyber stalking, trolling, hatred, contempt, and Becky worship has really opened the eyes of many Black women that were in denial. Black men will have to fight the George Zimmermans of this world in the streets with no help from me.

      Reply

      • Neecy
        Oct 24, 2013 @ 20:58:03

        Exactly. Black women need to learn that its not our fight anymore. We should be able to enjoy being women and being fought for and protected. And if the men are not willing to do that, why on earth would you do that for them?

        Other races of women are NOT expected to be out fighting for the battles of thier men and then have to turn around and deal with the neglect, hatred, disrespect etc.

        Reply

    • Neecy
      Oct 24, 2013 @ 20:49:32

      Bishop you are using so many straw mans. No one here is “glorifying White men”. The women who come here are more intelligent than that. We understand that no man should be glorified because of his race – and that means Black men.

      And frankly its not White men who are doing most the the nasty hurtful things to Black women.

      What we are saying is Black women have nothing to lose by expanding their horizons to other races of men because simply putting all of our eggs in the Black man basket is not garnering ANYTHING of value for Black women.

      Also, when we speak of “White culture” I cannot believe that you are not aware what we mean. it is clear to most that in Western European cultures the women are upheld and protected to much higher standards cpmpared to ANY OTHER culture or race. PERIOD.

      That cannot be disputed. Even in Western society where there may still be a lot of sexism, the women still fare the best of all races and cultures.

      Black culture (at least these days) does not place value on women or even children and ONLY men and boys. Eve men and boys who are not doibng or bringing any good to Black community. And that has fared to be bad for African American women both young and old.

      Its coming to this because as others pointed out, Black men for decades have been looking out for SELF only and now that Black women are starting to do it, its becomming an issue.

      Like I said. if the good Black men did thier part and stood up to the Black men who are constantly demeaning Black women, maybe it wouldn’t have gotten to the point it is now.

      Like Neurochik pointed out, WHite men typically police each other. They create lws and things to help protect women and children from predators and other men who seek to harm or demean women. Blacks do not expect nort hold Black men accountable for these things and that is why Black women are better off looking out for themselves as individuals and no longer feeling as if she needs to align her self with a race and culture that doesn’t value her as a woman or even human being.

      Reply

  4. Shaylah
    Oct 23, 2013 @ 07:30:56

    How many “good black men” stick up for Black Women when they are harassed on the streets? I mean crickets to the max. That is why that sometimes Black women are on the defensive for our survival purpose. How many times Black men and men of other ethnicities have held the door open for white, Hispanic and Asian women and when a Black Woman walks up there go ahead of her. The “good black men” are extremely silent on you tube where there are scores of Black women hating videos. Some of them are vicious to the point that they need to get arrested. So if these “good Black men” love Black Women then where is the counter action taken against these people. How many Black women help and build up Black men only for them to take their money to a non-black woman and then have the double audacity to accuse Black women being gold diggers. Black men have a cap on how much a Black woman can spend but have limitless funds for the non-black woman who not only are you supporting her, but her momma, sister and practically the whole d*** family and not a gripe out him whatsoever. So if someone benefits from your demise and they know that they can use the UNINFORMED BLACK WOMAN, then they will do so.

    Reply

    • Neecy
      Oct 24, 2013 @ 20:55:54

      EXACTLY SHAYLA!!

      The “GOOD BLACK MEN” are taking advanatge of the situation to their own benefit. That is why they do not say anything. They reap the benefits and rewards of uniformed indoctrinated Black women who continually give and give without demanding anything in return.

      And then like you said, these same Black men take their money and resources to Non Black women who they know DEMAND IT and EXPECT to be loved and taken care of.

      Notice when Black men are in trouble, how many of these Non Black women are out marching for their rights? HARDLY ANY! And nor are they expected to when it coes to that. yet Black women are overworking themselves fighting the so called good fight for Black men and Black men EXPECT BW to do this. Once Black women do this, these same Black men run to other races of womena dn allow these women to be carefree and enjoy being a woman that doesn’t have to nor is expected to fight the battles of men.

      Black women need to wake up!

      Reply

  5. Brenda55
    Oct 23, 2013 @ 19:00:57

    “I left the country to find my significant other……”
    Bishop The Eastside Nappyhead

    Ladies sounds like a plan to me.

    This gentleman has been candid enough to tell the truth. Read his words, take them to heart then follow the example.

    No Calvary.

    FLEE.

    Reply

  6. neurochick
    Oct 24, 2013 @ 07:13:55

    “I left the country to find my significant other……”
    Bishop The Eastside Nappyhead

    I find this comment interesting. Here’s my issue. I don’t care if a Black man wants to date and marry a non-Black woman. My problem is when Black men have attitudes about Black women who date non-Black men. Why is it okay for Black men but not okay for Black women?

    I have a theory. See, if Black women say, “to heck with this, I can only date/marry a Black man crap, I’m going to be with a man who respects me,” then Black women will see that there are men of other races who will respect you. Now, this is not true of ALL men of other races, but the issue is to broaden your horizons. Anyway, if Black women decide to put themselves first for a change, what in the world will that mean to Black men? Well it will mean that Black men will have to step up or else, Black women will be gone, and by gone I mean, no more putting our energy and effort into things and causes that do not serve us. Why should I pay money to see an actor/singer/whatever, when that person disrespects Black women? Why should I support causes that only benefit Black men?

    The theory used to be that if we Black women supported Black men, they in turn would support us, but that is not happening. The trickle down theory doesn’t work.

    Now, saying that, I do NOT believe that men of other races are the answer, especially if you, yourself are not together. If you’re not together you’ll only attract a man who’s not together. My point is that Black women should broaden their horizons. I know so many Black women who are scared to move, scared that they’ll be attacked/raped/killed if they leave the Black community. I know a woman who had an opportunity to study music in Italy but didn’t go, you know why? Because the Black people, male and female in her family convinced her that if she went overseas terrible things would happen. They convinced her that the Black community is the only safe place for a Black woman, and I am sorry to say that is b.s. I mean I’m not going to say that a White community is 100% safer because they have their issues too. I’m saying that Black women need to stop listening to ignorant fools who want to keep them down because it serves their agenda, remember, misery loves company.

    Reply

    • Neecy
      Oct 24, 2013 @ 21:04:26

      Neuro you adn I share the same view.

      I do not tell Black women that White men are simply the answer. Although I do encourage Black women to open themselves up to dating other races of men who are of QUALITY.

      As I mentioned before, i simply do not believe Black women have the luxury to sit and believe that one race of man is going to be her savior. But i do believe that Black women who are TOGETHER mentally and emotionally can have great solid relationships with men of other races.

      There are still a lot of Black women out there who are damaged and believe that running from Black men into the arms of White is going to solve their problems but its not. In fact, she may run into even bigger issues if she chooses the wrong Non Black mate because there is additional baggage that *can* come with dating out your race, if you are not aware of these things and how to deal with them.

      SO Black women who are not together mentally and emotionally need to not be looking to White or other races as a FIX, because she will still atttract the same kind of low quality men of other races that she did with Black men. And on top of that she will deal with additional burdens of racist and/or ignorant Non Black men who she should have avoided but because she judged them simply on their race she thought she was getting something better.

      There are fools, jerks, losers and assholes of ALL RACES and Black women cannot afford to simply sit and think that a man’s race is going to be the fix. Black women have to learn how to search for and meet QUALITY MEN of any race in order to have better fulfilling relationships and futures.

      Reply

    • Neecy
      Oct 24, 2013 @ 21:13:28

      I also agree that too many Black women like your friend, cut themselves off from experiencing life outside the Black lines. This is a major problem for Black women and will continue to be int he future if more Black women don’t get out and travel and experience life.

      Notice one thing about Black men they are not afraid to go out of Black lines and travel and experience life for themselves.

      It even happens in America where Black women in large numbers avoid diverse social settings in favor of all Black ones.

      i can understand the comfort zone may not be there for a lot of Black women because this society can be anti- Black women (even in Non Black settings). But still its not like the all Black sitting are pro Black woman either. half the time these settings are breeding grounds for Black women disrespect while other Non Black and mixed women enter into these all Black settings and receive all of the support for Blacks while Black women are left on the sidelines.

      So what do Black women have to lose by simply finding social settings that are welcoming and safe and friendly and interacting with people of different cultures and races?

      Not to mention more times than none the mixed social settings are much safer places for Black women and women general because women in those settings are more valued.

      Notice how even White women who are strippers or who work in clubs and bar settings are treated and protected even when they are wearing skimpy clothes etc. These clubs and venues have strict guidelines in place to protect these women. Basically what i am saying is Non Black women are generally allowed to feel much safer being women and vulnerable than Black women are. And by default if Black women are in these non Black settings, they too are more protected simply because the idea is to look out for the women and police men who are getting out of control.

      If you go to all Black setting and Black women are dressed like this, its open season and there are no men policing the other Black men who are grabbing at Black women and sexually harassing them.

      Reply

  7. Bishop The Eastside Nappyhead
    Oct 25, 2013 @ 10:50:43

    well to be honest I did leave the country..but I went to Costa Rica-and found an afro costa rican women…I would never…I repeat never go to Becky! lol and i really hope that you guys aren’t serious about saying that black women shouldn’t stand behind Treyvon…Do you individuals not have sons? Is no one here the mother of a black boy? I understand that you guy’s are angry- But please realize we were made for each other. Don’t let what the media shows you, or your isolated incidents in your commutes let you educated ladies to think you know how we are. You know that the media is controlled by most white Jews. Black destruction is lucrative. Its like watching National Geographic for most comfortable whites who never need to come to the ‘ghetto’. Its sensationalized, and in that young impressional black kids think this is how they should behave…but its not a black thing. I teach science at a school in New Jersey in spanish to New immigrants in the states who don’t yet speak english. Its usually three months before they start using nigga sagging their pants emulating the black kids even though they don’t mix in.its def not a racial thing…its a societal thing and a self hatred thing that was pushed upon us through years of divide and conquer for you ladies just to give up when you know from the gate it was planned this way, thats weak to me we are in this together till the end ..and as far as leaving the country like I did. That will be difficult for the black woman of America! I see it every time I travel to Latin America-be it Panama Costa Rica Colombia Brazil….many…def not all- my woman doesnt play that shit- but many of the women in these places submit themselves to their men and the horrible treatment they receive by their men is normal and accepted in these macho societies. Most black women from here-estados unidos- cant deal with it. I ask them when i hear the american accents like o you ladies are from the states??? have you found men. They always laugh like-yeah thats not gonna happen here. Im about ready to go back home. So while you think you may have received the short end of the stick your light years ahead of the women in other places-If we are comparing…Bless

    Reply

    • Neecy
      Oct 27, 2013 @ 20:21:38

      Bishop,

      The reason we are angry is because you keep missing the point and talking around it, instead of addressing the things we are talking about as to why BW need to leave and not look back.

      You are not acknowledging the realities here, which is what many so called good BM do when they are confronted with why they as a collective are silent in the abuse, neglect and public harrassment and demeaning of African American Black women.

      Reply

  8. Bishop The Eastside Nappyhead
    Oct 25, 2013 @ 10:55:35

    but I do agree that black women need to travel educate themselves and be apart of other circles dealing with other races…Black men too. We need to be more multiracial, but we need to stay together and build open minded competitive -multi-lingual-…this is very important to me! Then we can see some progress bless Ladies!!

    Reply

  9. BrownSmiles
    Oct 25, 2013 @ 16:35:02

    Bishop…you just don’t get it. You are being purposefully blind to the rampant mistreatment of Black women/girls. What is taking place has been set in motion by the gleeful participation of Black men, of all backgrounds and sectors of society for decades. This is not just the “media” or ” isolated incidents” that Black women are pushing back against, it is the metaphorical firing squad that we find ourselves in.
    Black women have historically taken the hits for Black men, only to find ourselves being shot by Black men, but both genders of all races, because we have been left unprotected. Black women are now actively removing themselves out of the line of fire, which of course Black men don’t want to happen because then the spotlight will burn brighest on your collective failures as men. Many of you guys are so use to cowering
    behing Black women using us as shields, that you believe it is the natural order. It is not!
    It is not our responsibilty to reconsile the race or remain “strong” in the face of our abuse for the world to see. The wholistic disgracing of Black women is against nature and Black men will simply have to reap what they have sown.
    At this juncture there is simply no more excuses. The progressive minded Black women have already exited stage left and are throwing a life line to other Black women who want to follow the North Star to freedom.
    Your posts reaks of fear. You should be.When this clicks with enough Black women on a nationwide level…..America is not going to know what hit them!

    Reply

  10. The Alchemist
    Oct 25, 2013 @ 19:46:15

    @ Bishop

    You can’t scare black women from traveling and going elsewhere. What’s happening in the BC is so bad that many BW are will to take the risk. Better the devil you don’t know than the devil you do.

    The lack of critique of BM about the role of WW in the out come of the State of Florida Vs George Zimmerman was interesting. 5 white/ 1 hispanic jurors, white female judge, and a white female chief prosecutor. BM went all over the internet attacking Rachel Jantel and the black intern. They were silent about the role of WW. BM will attack an unpaid intern and a traumatized 19 year old witness before they acknowledge that Becky does’t love them.

    If BW lift a finger to help BM we will later be accused of emasculating them with so much support. Investing in the empowerment of BM is a waste of time. Any power BM get will be used to seek revenge on BW, whom are blamed for ALL of the race’s suffering. BM do not want justice only power. There is so much moral rot with most BM that most of you will weld power with as much rage and venom as the worst white men. Hundreds of years of suffering have left BM feeling entitled and operating out of an ethical black hole. Most BM lack the ability to empathize with anyone else’s suffering. BM truly believe that no one on planet Earth has suffer except them. Every other BW I know has been either raped or molested by a BM. When a group believe that no one has suffered except them; they can construct moral clearance for any behavior no matter how foul.

    WARNING TO ALL BLACK WOMEN:

    FEMICIDE IS NOT JUST A NOTION.

    Reply

    • Sibyl
      Oct 27, 2013 @ 13:52:03

      I actually do believe that BW can emasculate BM with too much support.
      Let me explain: it’s a harsh world out there and the world of men is dog eat dog. There are winners and losers in this world. WM as a group are the winners for the past 500 years and BM are the losers.

      Thats white MEN and black MEN. Let me repeat, that’s MEN not women. Black MEN are the ultimate LOSERS.

      They’ve lost the battles of military strength, wits, willpower and strategy with other races of men for hundreds of years, and nobody in the BC wants to admit this. The BC all over the world is in denial and black male identified BW are a big part of this.

      How can they be in denial of something that is so blatently obvious and is lived by blacks every day, you ask?

      By refusing to admit that this is a Black MALE FAILURE. By making BM victims instead of admiting that they are actually losers in a centuries old struggle. By making excuses for their continued and worsening state and refusing to put their feet to the fire, BW infantilise and emasculate BM.

      BM do it to themselves of course, but BW have no excuse in cosigning their delusions. By refusing to blame BM for their actual failings, they’ve set up the situation where BM are given dispensation to blame everybody but themselves for their low status and suffering including and ESPECIALLY BW.
      Why especially BW, because BM hate WM but can’t get back at them as a group, but BW as a group are within their power and have been given over to them by the BC to scapegoat.

      So in conclusion, the best thing that can happen to BM is the oncoming onslaught of BW rage and full scale desertion of the ranks that is about to hit them like a tsunami over the next few decades, starting right now.

      This is the much needed tough love that those motherfuckers have been avoiding for a thousand years.

      It’s finally time for BM to man up, stop hiding behind mammy’s skirts and learn to fight and compete in the world of MEN.

      Reply

  11. Brenda55
    Oct 26, 2013 @ 13:48:49

    Bishop The Eastside Nappyhead is being very open and honest about what he thinks of black women in the US. He is expressing the very same thoughts and attitudes that a lot of us are hearing from black men day after day on line and offline. He has documented it publicly in cyberspace for all to see.

    There is no need to argue with and nothing to be gained in engaging men and women who hold such attitudes. Doing that derails the discussion away from black women’s concerns and goals. Your time is better spent building the kind of life you want and making plans to achieve it.

    All over cyberspace we see the same warmed over warning and admonishments. The same old wives tales. The same statements telling black women that they are not worthy, not wanted and not submissive enough. They cycle over and over.

    You really have to ask yourself a few question when making the decision to engage the Bishop The Eastside Nappyhead’s of the world.

    How much actual first hand knowledge do they have about life in the US outside of the black community as it relates to black women?

    How much actual first hand knowledge do they have of white men and their motivations when it comes to their relationships with black women?

    How much actual first hand knowledge do they have of men living anywhere outside of the US and their interactions with black women?

    Black men are every bit as cut off and insulated from large parts of America’s dominant culture and society. In fact in some cases they are even more segregated and excluded than a lot of black women most certainly black women that frequent spaces like this one. So I question why black women spend their time listening to them and not trusting their own instincts and relying on their own first hand experiences. Bottom line the men who show up to troll sites like this one don’t know what the hell they are talking about and should be ignored.

    Reply

    • Neecy
      Oct 27, 2013 @ 20:26:06

      I agree brenda.

      However, I don’t necessarily mind if Black men like Bishop come to the blog and express how they feel as long as they are respectful. But the thing that irks me is a lot of them – even the respectful ones refuse to ADDRESS the issues at hand and will find a way to talk around the issue.

      I think Bishop seems like a decent person, but he like many other Black men just refuse to acknowledge the realities and say they understand why BW feel they way they do because they do not want to lose their privleledge.

      Reply

  12. Brenda55
    Oct 27, 2013 @ 21:37:30

    Quite right Neecy. Quite right.
    Let me add this if I may.
    One thing to consider and the MAJOR thing that black men fail to acknowledge is that they do indeed have privilege. Male Privilege. And it is that Male privilege that increasingly within the black community now works to the detriment of black women and girls, their safety and well being.

    That is the reality and at this point in time why the is call is for black women to head for the exits any way that they can.

    As was posted up thread:
    “FEMICIDE IS NOT JUST A NOTION.”

    Self preservation of self is not selfishness.
    FLEE.

    Reply

  13. Trackback: A Quick Note: Oh yeah…I am Black. | Toward the within...
  14. Bishop The Eastside Nappyhead
    Oct 28, 2013 @ 07:05:05

    How do I feel about Black people in the US Brenda?? I’ve done nothing but advocate for black women-im not gonna go down my resume but I am for the black family-I sure hope your not accusing me of being misogynistic or anything like that. I don’t see borders when I look at black people. US/central America/Brazil/Africa black is black and I respect women the same everywhere I go. I like you ladies, please tell me what your ideas are so we can come together instead of just abandoning and jumping ship. That’s easy to do, but it doesn’t solve problems. What makes your version of self hate different than a young blood member killing his own? He’s disgusted by certain black men too, It just hurts me when I read these blogs and hear these women talk. As it hurts me when I hear what some men say about women. but I wont comment again on this post, obviously im not worthy of consideration, my views are too archaic or something, its cool luckily you guys are far from the majority when it comes to how black women feel about black men. Yesterday I went to a stop the violence rally in Newark, NJ my hometown and was astonished by the number of beautiful black women protesting black male violence. I mean I was one of 75 men out there and there were at least 3 to 400 black women, of all ages and social statuses. So that made up for that hurtful blow I was dealt when one of you sistaz said that you wont be supporting the Trayvon’s of the world anymore. While I always support up and coming black business and publications, I really hope you fail at changing the mindsets of black women.

    Reply

  15. Bishop The Eastside Nappyhead
    Oct 28, 2013 @ 07:34:29

    Alchemist you views are very 19th century and cold. It scares me. you are accusing me of things. I once looked at this one girl who you remind me of at a party, I found her attractive…she spazzed out on me. WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU LOOKING AT! im like wtf, whats wrong with you I wasn’t staring. Then she went into a rant about my male privilege. Yeah I’m really done now, I just went back and saw this comment you guys are the minority so have your ideas-It wont create a movement most black women will look at you like you are crazy. I mean I have showed this post to quite a few and they are marveled by the way you guys think. And that puts me at ease

    Reply

    • Neecy
      Oct 29, 2013 @ 15:24:42

      LOL

      All I can say Nappy is, some of the biggest movements and changes int eh world started off with a minority of people.

      Movements that make impact never start BIG. It takes time and usually starts small.

      I have no doubts that each year more and more BW are jumping on the BWE movement and seeing the reality.

      So you can stay at ease, and since you feel we are not “real threat” then I suspect you won’t be wasting our time anymore with your posts since you have made it clear that you are against this movement. We no longer need to hear from you, since you believe we are no threat. LOL

      Reply

    • The Alchemist
      Oct 30, 2013 @ 23:49:44

      @Bishop The Eastside Nappyhead

      Our views are gaining critical mass among Black women. We have emotionally spiritually and psychologically turned a corner. Many Black women will tell you they disagree to your face but behind closed doors they are loosing faith. They have seen:

      1)Too many BW with children and no wedding ring, then walks by some BM with his Costa Rican trophy lighter skinned/longer haired girlfriend

      2)Black men dragging white/asian/hispanic female rejects into our homes and for Thanksgiving

      3)Black male comedians wearing dresses to mock and ridicule Black women.

      4) On line and off line smear campaign on Black women by Black amen via You Tube, Twitter, Face Book, various Black forums, Topix, and the trolling of Black women’s blogs.

      5) Black American men never run to sub-saharan nations in African to look for wives?????

      6) The recent Twitter hashtag #StopBlackGirls2013 presented BW and girls as objects of mockery. it was created by Black men and the HIspanic women they date

      Etc.

      Search and find some White, Asian, and HIspanic women to help you fight the George Zimmerman’s of this world. The trial verdict was a warning shot to BM about what’s coming when POTUS leaves office. A legal president was sent for non-peace officers to initiate a conflict and then shoot and kill an unarmed BM.

      Someone that ran abroad to look for a wife should not ask Black American for help when the sh*t gets real after Obama leaves office. I live in fly over country around a lot of Tea Party supporters.

      I rest assured knowing that BM will continue to clearly communicate to BW the contempt and hatred most of you harbor. I can always count on Black men to try to break the spirit and crush the will of Black women. More and more BW will wake up

      Reply

      • Bishop The Eastside Nappyhead
        Oct 31, 2013 @ 10:55:03

        i agree with a lot of this but the costa rican long haired part was ignorant. You have to see the world a bit before forming opinions about ppl. You must have never heard of Limon, Costa Rica.

        Reply

      • neurochick
        Oct 31, 2013 @ 12:14:54

        “1)Too many BW with children and no wedding ring, then walks by some BM with his Costa Rican trophy lighter skinned/longer haired girlfriend”

        I have an issue with this comment. How do you know that those women who have lighter skin and long hair aren’t Black? Please don’t tell me you believe that unless a woman has brown skin, she’s not really black. That comment reeks of ignorance IMO.

        Reply

        • The Alchemist
          Oct 31, 2013 @ 18:36:38

          @Neurochick

          My mother is Creole. I’m related to many upstanding lighter skinned Black people. I was trying to make a point about many Black men’s deep emotional investment in colorism.

          @ Bishop

          Bm are running around shouting at the top of their collective lungs that any woman they can drag from under a rock is superior to a Black American woman. The pursuit of non-Black American women for many is rooted in their seeing us through a white supremacist lens. I recommend the book “Don’t Blame It On Rio” by Jewel Woods.

          Reply

  16. KfromVA
    Oct 28, 2013 @ 08:01:01

    I find it amazing that a male commenter just stated that he went to a stop the violence rally, but did not find anything wrong with the numbers he stated. 300-400 women attended but only 75 men attended?? It’s A MAN’s job to police it other men, since it’s mostly men that are committing the acts of violence. Obviously it is not a high priority for men in the community to make sure the women and children are safe and protected. They checked out and that”s why a lot of Black women are doing the same.

    Reply

    • Brenda55
      Oct 28, 2013 @ 12:38:37

      “Yesterday I went to a stop the violence rally in Newark, NJ my hometown and was astonished by the number of beautiful black women protesting black male violence. I mean I was one of 75 men out there and there were at least 3 to 400 black women, of all ages and social statuses.”

      I noticed that also. SMH As I said before you are getting this from the horses mouth. No one is making any of this up. Read it. Analyze it and consider fairly what is being stated here. Make up your own minds and move forward.

      Reply

    • Neecy
      Oct 29, 2013 @ 15:21:38

      BINGO!! How SAD that he doesn’t even see the embarrassment in posting that? LOL

      The fact that almost 5 times more women were out marching against Black male violence speaks volumes and clearly demonstrates what BWE women have been saying all too long – BW continue to act like soldiers and take on the roles of MEN and then wonder why we cannot ever be protected? LOL
      The fact that only 75 Black men showed up and almost 400 Black women did is really TRAGIC.

      The best thing Progressive BW can do is thank our lucky stars we are free from that nonsense – protecting men and taking on the traditional roles of men who are supposed to be protecting their communities and as you said “POLICING” other men who don’t.

      Reply

  17. BrownSmiles
    Oct 28, 2013 @ 11:33:28

    “I really hope you fail at changing the mindests of Black Women.”
    Brenda, you’re right! There is nothing else that needs to be said. We’re past dialogue. Like minded Black women just have to keep it moving!

    Reply

  18. Bishop The Eastside Nappyhead
    Oct 29, 2013 @ 05:50:23

    well what i meant by that is you ladies may want to run away..but the majority are still there standing firm with us…and while you may want your propaganda to spread..they aren’t going anywhere. Thats what was taken out of context.

    Reply

    • Neecy
      Oct 29, 2013 @ 15:26:34

      If the majority are still standing firm, then why are you even still here? You are not going to convince the intelligent smart BW of the world anything anymore. We see the reality as do the many or as you say “majority” of BW do. The difference is some Black women like us are simply BRAVE enough to call it out and move on with our lives and provide outlets for other intelligent BW who see the forest for the trees, while the many others are too scared to challenge the status quo.

      But just with anything, all it takes is small baby steps and a small minority to get any real movement going. If you believed the majority of BW were not threat in leaving, you wouldn’t even be wasting your time, ours and your bandwidth on this blog..

      Reply

  19. Mary
    Oct 29, 2013 @ 16:40:59

    What’s crazy is how he doesn’t get it but he thinks that he does.

    1. Black women in America didn’t meet his standards so he had to hop on a plane to find one outside of the whole-entire-country. There are soooo many single good Black women who are still holding out for a Black men and I just find it hard to believe that he couldn’t find one in the entire United States. I notice a pattern of Black men these days going to Brazil/DR/other latin country to find a wife. I’m guessing that they have that long straight or loosely curled hair, probably lighter complexion that many say is just a “preference”. They say these women take care of their men, overlooking the fact that these women are in a third world country and would say anything to get to the US. They say “black is black is black” but I don’t see them running to second world countries like South Africa or Nigeria to find a wife.

    2. Other Black women in America should bother to try to do the same because the few that he saw over there couldn’t find a man so that means that all American Black women probably can’t find one either.

    3. He completely missed the fact that’s NOT normal to have 400 Black women fighting a battle and only 75 Black men showed up. THIS is what we are talking about. Why do we have to always be the warriors of the race?? That’s the man’s job!!! Enough is enough.

    Reply

    • Brenda55
      Oct 29, 2013 @ 20:22:53

      1. “Black women in America didn’t meet his standards so he had to hop on a plane to find one outside of the whole-entire-country.”

      Kind of a shame he didn’t wait for that rally he went to. There were nearly 400 women there. Bet most of them were single and eligible.
      They turned out for the cause he believed in but alas they may not have made the cut for another reason.

      2. “Only 75 Black men showed up.”
      The other guys were flying overseas looking for wives. Priorities.

      3. “Why do we have to always be the warriors of the race??”

      We don’t and that is what more and more American black women are slowly figuring out. Stop marching, get your own plane tickets and get out there.

      Reply

  20. Bishop The Eastside Nappyhead
    Oct 30, 2013 @ 06:39:29

    everytime i try to step back from this blog I get an email about something i said taken completely out of context. I know you people have your opinions of me, but trust me I’m not who you think I am! and the only reason I am responding now is because I hate being misunderstood. First off. I am with an Afro Costa Rican woman, I lived out the country teaching english. My woman has locks and is Rasta follows Marcus Garvey and is one of the board members of ONeCA organization. That is all about teaching lost and confused Afro Latinos to embrace their afro-latinidad. We both fight for the preservation of the BLACK family so while you may think I am ignorant because I said I hope you fail. It is not because I have a problem with you Neecy, I actually think you are extremely beautiful and intelligent, well spoken and I think having a convo with you would be very intriguing. HOWeVeR, we stand on opposite spectrums when it comes to our belief. And for those looking for anything to attack a black man for in your safe bm bashing haven hear- I do see a problem with not a lot of men being at the rally. But guess what, I was there. My people were there strong. But my point had nothing to do with the number of men there, I was talking about the women being there, And the solidarity that we all felt out in spite of the divisions that you are trying to illuminate and run with thinking that you are ‘liberating’ women only to the greater detriment of the black family. There are sooo many beautiful single intelligent black women from the states, I just don’t see borders, and I found love where I found love. All I know is that I used to not care as much, but after a year living in Panama teaching english and becoming BI and now Tri lingual, I saw so many of the most beautiful black women denying me because of their own self hatred, I was like wtf…this doesnt happen to me back home! It infuriated me! Made me feel less and none of the white men that these women drooled over even respected them. They were their exotic play toy. Yet these women would do anything to be chosen by them-and there I go foolish trying to treat them like queens. So when I went to Limon-which is the black side of Costa RIca, where they have a similar racial history to us, they understood the game more, and embraced their blackness-and embraced the black family! So I know you people have this vision of long curly flowing hair bronze skin. But that would just be your own personal ignorance….ok i could say this is the last i will say, but the comments will come again..someone will find something else in this and try to run with it lol

    Reply

    • Mary
      Oct 30, 2013 @ 15:40:47

      There are sooo many beautiful single intelligent black women from the states, I just don’t see borders,

      ** I notice a lot of Black men in America say this now. They don’t see borders but they always end up at the same borders, lol. A guy who works at a factory that I met at my fitness center just told me 2 days ago that he’s getting an apartment in the Dominican Republic. …just a trend I’m noticing.Soooo many beautiful Black women in the United states but sooo many brothas are now just happening to find love in Latin countries. Very peculiar, imo, when I start to see this A LOT. Essence did an article on this a couple of years ago and I believe it’s reached the tipping point.

      but after a year living in Panama teaching english I saw so many of the most beautiful black women denying me because of their own self hatred, I was like wtf…this doesnt happen to me back home! It infuriated me! Made me feel less and none of the white men that these women drooled over even respected them. They were their exotic play toy. Yet these women would do anything to be chosen by them-and there I go foolish trying to treat them like queens.

      ** This is peculiar as well. On the one hand, you say that you tried for an ENTIRE YEAR to meet a woman in the latin country that you were in, and for an ENTIRE YEAR, you got turned down, rejected but somehow later, you just HAPPENED to fall in love. …uhm yeah, it sounds to me like it wasn’t an accident, you persevered until you found love in the new country that you were in, and I’m just wondering had you put that amount of effort into courting the sistas right in your own country, you would have happened to find love right here in the US as well, considering how that didn’t happen to you at home, which means that more often than not, you were SELECTED and not REJECTED here in the US.

      Very interesting. You try to convince us otherwise but you keep on telling on yourself,lol.

      yawn. well, the convo was interesting while it lasting but I’m over this exchange with you.

      Nice site Neecy!! Glad that I found it. : )

      Reply

      • Neecy
        Oct 31, 2013 @ 21:29:24

        Hey mary welcome aboard!! Glad to have you!

        Notice how he claimed he could;t take the rejection from “self hating Black women”. Yet he refuses to acknowledge how Black males do this to Black women in America DAILY and for decades!

        Once again – SELFISH.

        You have this Black idiot Kaney West claiming that Kim Kardashian was snubbed for the cover of Vogue by Michelle Obama who is “not as influential or intriguing” as Kim Kardashian.

        This is the kind of nonsense Black women have to hear daily from idiot Black males. Placing a former video sex star who has no talent to speak of above the FLOTUS.

        Black women need to leave these fools alone and look out for numero uno.

        There is no more community or unity for BW to hold onto with Black men. They continue to degenerate even our best for the trash they swoop up.

        Reply

        • Mary
          Oct 31, 2013 @ 21:46:32

          Amazing isn’t it? His fiancee got her start doing porno, released it to the whole world and he’s trying to compare her to a Black woman that’s the First Lady of the United States of America. Like, he actually thinks that she’s on Michelle’s level. Kim is a slutbucket that was pregnant with another man’s baby while she was married, has never had a job while Michelle is educated, has a law degree and is the first lady. If he doesn’t respect a Black woman like her then he doesn’t respect ANY Black woman. Why Ciara keeps on following these two clowns around like a little lapdog is beyond me. She actually has talent. ugh.

          Reply

          • Neecy
            Oct 31, 2013 @ 21:49:40

            I’m just not even shocked anymore at the nonsense Black men pull against Black women publicly.

            Do you ever think a popular or famous White male who dated or engaged to a Black women of Kim K’s caliber would ever insult a first lady by saying that she was not as influential or intriguing as his Black baby momma who pulled the same shenanigans that Kim K has?

            This is the level of depravity Black men have sunk to in insulting Black women.

            Reply

    • Neecy
      Oct 31, 2013 @ 21:27:26


      I saw so many of the most beautiful black women denying me because of their own self hatred, I was like wtf…

      Yeah now you know what the average African American woman deals with because of the self hatred and Non Black woman worshiping Black men globally do.

      Once again, Black men like yourself are more concerned of isolated rare incidents that happen tp you, yet you are unwilling to see and acknowledge the same obvious things happen to Black women REGULARLY in America.

      Reply

      • Mary
        Oct 31, 2013 @ 22:05:57

        A older lady that’s a friend of the family told me to start smiling and winking at Black men to get them to approach me. She’s in her 90′s so she doesn’t understand the dynamics of BM/BW now. I’ve smiled at Black men only to have them look away or roll their eyes at me. It doesn’t matter how pretty a BW is, the fact that she’s Black will take her out the running, so WINKING will make me look like a fool. Non-Black women don’t have to wink or even smile because they get courted and chased regardless. And apparently non American sistas get chased too.
        Don’t let my city have a food or music festival. These dudes will constantly chase these women, tapping them on the shoulder, walking up to them to shake their hand to introduce themselves,etc.

        It’s pretty obvious that there’s a bigger agenda, which is why it gets pushed in our faces on tv/movies, but I’m convinced that there’s some sort of subliminal programing on tv/movies/radio because I know of Black boys in elementary school that say that they don’t like Black girls. None of this is normal and it’s at pandemic levels now.

        Reply

        • Neecy
          Oct 31, 2013 @ 22:10:36

          Yeah. i stopped caring years ago. I think more BW need to get there and stop worrying about what and who Black men are choosing – if its not you, then they shouldn’t even be on your mind.

          Too many Black women are spending too much of their precious time worrying and trying to figure it out and dissecting “why”.

          Young Black girls need to be DE-PROGRAMMED of Black men as mates and PROGRAMMED to see all men equally regardless of race. The reason this is so difficult for so many Black women is because of the indoctrination and programming to stick by and with Black men while they did not receive that same brainwashing towards Black women. So of course the scales are now unbalanced and many BW are left feeling abandoned, angry and without a clue as to what to do now since they placed all of their eggs int he Black man only basket.

          It doesn’t matter anymore. Time to let go and move on.

          Reply

          • Mary
            Oct 31, 2013 @ 22:18:19

            For Black men, I’ve let it go.

            But I have a little brother that’s a preteen and I try to analyze what happens with him/counteract what his little friends are saying about Black girls so he doesn’t become one of those Black men. He distanced himself from his best friend because he said that no Black girls are pretty and only likes white girls. I was like whew, our counter-program is working.

            Reply

            • Neecy
              Oct 31, 2013 @ 22:24:00

              Yeah good for you for trying to save your brother.

              I have two younger brothers in early 20′s. Luckily, they haven’t harbored any bad ideals about BW – but they are also very very close with their mother (my stepmother) and the BW in their family.

              Granted they both date across the color lines and have had girlfriends from dark skinned, to light to Latina and WHite. But for them I just see two young boys dating as they can. But I was glad that they do not put down Black women. They just like girls and that is fine by me.

              Unfortunatley, however, too many young BM are already far gone and the best thing we can do as BW is continue to try to de-program young Black girls from feeling that it is only Black men they should be looking to for validation and relationships.

              Black women do not have to cut BM out of their dating pool if that is not what they wish to do, but Black women certainly need to stop looking to BM as exclusive partners based on race because the only people t is hurting is BLACK WOMEN.

              And not even all BM who date interracially do it because they hate BW. A lot of BM just feel that they should exercise their god given right to love and be with whomever they choose and whomever is the best for them. I don’t see a problem wight hat and this is what BW should be copping to as well.

              Reply

          • neurochick
            Nov 04, 2013 @ 06:25:21

            “Young Black girls need to be DE-PROGRAMMED of Black men as mates and PROGRAMMED to see all men equally regardless of race. ”

            Completely agree. This is nothing more than common sense. See all men equally, don’t be blinded by a man’s race. Watch how he treats you. If he treats you like a queen, who cares what color he is.

            Reply

  21. Bishop The Eastside Nappyhead
    Oct 30, 2013 @ 06:46:04

    and PS many of those women were there because their men/sons/brothers have been killed……..you know the ones that you said you weren’t standing with anymore.

    Reply

  22. Brenda55
    Oct 30, 2013 @ 07:05:50

    “ok i could say this is the last i will say, but the comments will come again..”

    Stop the emails by unsubscribing from the blog. It is that simple.

    Reply

  23. Trackback: Why we stay: trauma bonding | Prayers and Promises

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