ANGER, APATHY, ACTION, AFTERGLOW – The 4 A steps to Black women Living Well – Part DEUX

ANGER:

A strong feeling of annoyance, displeasure or hostility

 

Black women are angry (at least the ones who can see the forest for the tree). Hell many Black women (even the ones who pretend they don’t see the forest for the tree) are angry. The difference is, one chooses to play dumb, the other chooses to acknowledge the ugly truths.

 

Anger is not necessarily a *bad* thing unless it leads you to destructiveness or causing hurt or harm to others. But as an emotion, it’s natural and sometimes necessary in order to understand that some things are unhealthy and what causes you anger, should be removed from your life.

 

Black women are Angry because for so long we are awakening to the reality of our state of being as a *collective*.  And we are angry at people and things that continue to keep us in this ugly collective state.

 

But where do we go from there? Anger can only stick around for so long before it starts manifesting as bitterness within your spirit and life. If anger is not quickly channeled into or towards a healthy next step, it can and will only destroy the person harboring it.

 

THE INDIVIDUAL LIFE & THE COLLECTIVE LIFE – AND THAT SLIPPERY SLOPE

 

Individually many Black women are doing just fine in our lives. We have jobs, we live in good communities, we are free and able to live and do as we please to make ourselves as individuals happy and fulfilled. We are surrounded by loving family and friends.

 

But there is that thing called the collective. And when you live in a society that works and plays in collective thinking, you have no choice to be affected because no one lives alone in a bubble or vacuum. You may wish not to play the *collective game* but at some point you will have to partake be it voluntarily or involuntarily.

 

Once a happy individual Black woman starts looking at the collective destruction of those like her and how this can and does seep into her individual life in various ways, she starts to look at what is causing this collective destruction of the group she has no choice to identify as in this world and society.

 

The first reaction is mostly ANGER. That is because when you are angry, something most likely matters to you in some way. Anger is an emotion. Emotions develop from feeling.  A progressive Black women who *cares*  becomes angry no matter how well of a life she may be living individually. She understands there are generations of Black women BEHIND HER, that will continue to go down that path of collective destruction, if something is not done to try and stop the  bleeding.

 

Our ancestors in America during times of slavery and Jim Crowe,  I am sure were ANGRY at some point in their existence in the face of overt racism and the lack of rights they had. What they did was channel that anger not towards the *culprits* of their current positions in society, but they channeled it  with positive action steps towards getting out of that position into a better one so that the generations behind them (US TODAY) can live better than they did.

 

In this society you are forced to  identify racially and culturally and by gender. PERIOD. That’s just the way it is. And because of that  it’s in everyone’s best interest to protect their collective best interests irregardless of the individual life they have. WHY? Because that is the world and society we live in. If your collective is doing poorly, you,  no matter how well your life is, will have some aspect of that affecting you.

 

THERE AINT NO CALVARY COMING TO SAVE  YOU SISTA!

 

That’s usually the first acknowledgement that a well-informed progressive Black woman has to understand and accept. And that, can and does make some angry. Angry because when you have been out calvaring and saving others who have not returned the favor you feel jipped and depleted of your love, time, energy, resources.

 

But, we as Black women need to learn how to channel that anger away from the *CULPRITS* who are trying to keep us on the path of destruction, and channel towards action to carve a better path for the collective.

 

The obvious next step to dealing with anger directed and those who are mistreating you and trying to hold your head under water is to develop apathy.

 

APATHY:

lack of interest, enthusiasm, or concern.

 

MOVING FROM ANGER TO APATHY

 

Black women who are progressive thinkers clearly understand that something has to change in our behaviors, mindset and how we are currently navigating through society today. We also understand clearly there are *CULPRITS* who are working overtime to keep us in our collective places, so as they can continue to gain privilege off of our backs and energy and resources.

 

For decades Black women *CHOSE* to play second fiddle to everyone: our community, our issues as women,  our health, Black men, media,  and now the chickens have come to roost – FOR US.

 

The anger is actually as result of feeling abandoned, neglected and constantly being  (as Alchemist so eloquently put it in the previous post) in the *metaphorical firing squad*  of those who need a punching bag and seek Black women as just that.

 

But once you have stepped out of the matrix, swallowed the red jagged pill, let in marinate in your system a bit, and then pooped it out,  and become clear on what and who is at play, you really are in a much better place. You are free. As they say “The truth will set you free!”. It’s true! Knowing (IMO)  is MORE THAN HALF of the battle.

 

The next battle is learning to move from anger to apathy. Yes, even in the face of culprits antagonizing, demeaning, trolling and doing any and everything to keep you from pushing forward. You already understand the root of why they do this. And it’s because of their fear of no longer having that kung Fu grip and hold on your life and being as a person and a collective.

 

When you become apathetic, you no longer have emotions. No emotions means no more feeling. And when there is no more feeling, you cannot get angry nor hurt. You actually become in a neutral mind state that allows you to sit back and no longer have to waste your emotional or mental energy on things and people who have clearly shown they really don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. But another benefit of apathy is, it doesn’t cause you to react. And not reacting is a good thing, when trying to live well and you are being constantly bombarded with negativity by people and things trying to keep you and the collective on the path of destruction.

 

Something else also happens when you become apathetic – People eventually learn to leave you alone. WHY? Because they know YOU.DON’T.CARE. and that they are wasting *THEIR* time and energy which is garnering ZERO results that they needed to keep you in a state of emotional turmoil.

 

ACTION:

the fact or process of doing something, typically to achieve an aim

 

Once you have mastered the art of APATHY towards things, people and places that are seeking to keep you in emotional turmoil and on the path of destruction, you now have the tools to move into action.

 

Action towards a goal or aim without the right mindset is futile. If you are still stuck in ANGER mode any actions that you choose will be marinating in anger as its foundation. And when angry you cannot make the best choices. You  need a clear head and mind and to be in the *RIGHT* emotional state.

 

Black women need to learn how to use the powerful force of APATHY to help them make better choices. Apathy to action enables just that because there is no more emotional ties to the culprits of destruction.  They can tease, taunt, troll, and do and say all kinds of things to get you off track – but you are apathetic to them and able to continue on your journey to helping yourself and other Black women see the light.

 

Part of Living well for Black women in terms of ACTION means, simply not becoming emotionally involved anymore. THAT is an action. No longer participating in destructive things to your individual and to your collective. No longer explaining and trying to reason with idiots and haters who need you as their punching bag. No more disclaimers or explanations on why you deserve happiness and the best life for yourself and you collective’s right to seek their best interests collectively.

 

AFTERGLOW:

Good feelings remaining after a pleasurable or successful experience

 

Once you have successfully taken the right action steps to living well as a Black women, you will experience the AFTERGLOW. It’s like the climax has come and the orgasm has been released and now you are just basking in the beauty of it all.

 

I can always tell a Black woman who is in her afterglow. She is happy. She is like a butterfly floating along and has clearly figured it out. She stays neutral and cannot be pulled into the Black hole of destruction anymore. She has removed herself, her resources, her time and energy from the culprits of Black woman destruction. The Culprits of Black woman destruction don’t even bother with her anymore because the  light emanating around her is protective gear from haters. They can’t touch her. The light is hot and burning and they just melt away if they come to close.

 

This is where Black women as a collective *CAN* be and reach that afterglow. But it doesn’t just come. It takes steps to get there.

 

If you are still in anger mode, you still have a few more steps to climb before you are really free. Understand that huge gap between Anger and the Afterglow means you have to let go emotionally by becoming apathetic, and you have to take positive actions steps to keep the haters away.

 

If we as BWE women want to reach the masses of Black women, we have to do it without  ANGER. These women are already fighting against the truth. If they believe we are just ANGRY women who are scorned, it will be hard to convince them to  join our ranks.

 

So think about the 4 A steps and what you need to do as a progressive Black woman to get to the afterglow. Once you’re there, others will want to follow suit.

 
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18 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Trackback: A Quick Note: Oh yeah…I am Black. | Toward the within...
  2. Elegance
    Oct 28, 2013 @ 16:11:18

    I have been feeling apathetic (I prefer the term unemotional) about being a BW for a while now. I’ve stopped taking so many things seriously and personally and feeling pressured to do things. I read stuff and don’t know what the big deal is. I have other things in my life to worry about so I focus on that. Don’t need to stress myself out about everything that isn’t perfect in the world. Doing the best I can is good enough.

    Reply

    • Neecy
      Oct 29, 2013 @ 15:18:56

      You have to do what’s best for you and your life. Everyone does. We all have different passions, goals and interests and we have to stay true to them.

      Reply

      • Elegance
        Nov 08, 2013 @ 12:34:30

        “The next battle is learning to move from anger to apathy. Yes, even in the face of culprits antagonizing, demeaning, trolling and doing any and everything to keep you from pushing forward. You already understand the root of why they do this. And it’s because of their fear of no longer having that kung Fu grip and hold on your life and being as a person and a collective.

        When you become apathetic, you no longer have emotions. No emotions means no more feeling. And when there is no more feeling, you cannot get angry nor hurt. You actually become in a neutral mind state that allows you to sit back and no longer have to waste your emotional or mental energy on things and people who have clearly shown they really don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. But another benefit of apathy is, it doesn’t cause you to react. And not reacting is a good thing, when trying to live well and you are being constantly bombarded with negativity by people and things trying to keep you and the collective on the path of destruction.

        Something else also happens when you become apathetic – People eventually learn to leave you alone. WHY? Because they know YOU.DON’T.CARE. and that they are wasting *THEIR* time and energy which is garnering ZERO results that they needed to keep you in a state of emotional turmoil.”

        These are your words that I clearly misunderstood. I thought you were saying that becoming apathetic was a good thing and a necessary stage because when you are angry and emotional you are vulnerable to the negativity. Then your mind is neutral and you can weigh things unemotionally. You mentioned benefits and that it was a good thing above. I used your words in my comment.

        Anyways no need to explain. We live in different worlds. Good luck to you.

        Reply

  3. Mark Slater
    Oct 28, 2013 @ 23:56:52

    Well, well; I am glad to see Neecy posting again!

    “In this society you are forced to identify racially and culturally and by gender. PERIOD. That’s just the way it is. And because of that it’s in everyone’s best interest to protect their collective best interests irregardless of the individual life they have. WHY? Because that is the world and society we live in. If your collective is doing poorly, you, no matter how well your life is, will have some aspect of that affecting you.”

    I’m afraid I may not have much to add intelligently to what you have written, having been neither Black nor a woman. I will say that my “collective” — straight white men — have been in decline for at least the last 40 years in terms of real wages, religious faith, and family formation (the caricature of the 35 year-old man living in his parent’s basement and playing computer games is no joke). This is not true of the straight white men who are on top; the corporate, ivy-league elite; they continue to do quite well. I am personally not a member of this group.

    In my judgment, our civilization itself is becoming unraveled. This surely affects the Black Woman particularly severely (and this is not a bleeding-heart liberal you’re talkin’ to). I will not bore the reader with a lengthy dissertation of the decline of the family or the inter-generational dependency on welfare. Suffice to say that these things, and many other societal phenomena have hit the Black Woman hard.

    I am a firm believer in the old adage, “A Rising Tide Lifts All Boats”. If we ALL work towards rejuvenating our dying civilization, we just may come out all right.

    As far as the Black women that I have personally encountered, they seem to come in two distinct categories: they are either very outgoing, warm, and friendly; or surly, sullen, and even outright hostile. I haven’t talked to these ladies in depth enough to determine if the latter are in the “anger” stage, and the former in the “afterglow” stage, but it’s a heck of a good theory, and a worthy mindset to pursue for any Black Woman.

    That, or you could run away with your maintenance man, buy a house in Simi Valley, and live happily ever after.

    Reply

    • Neecy
      Oct 29, 2013 @ 15:34:53

      HEY MARK!!! How are you!

      Yeah I have to agree with all of what you said. And its true. With Black women you never know what you are going to get – lol.

      There are still plenty of us living and thriving in spite of the black cloud, and unfortunately many are not thriving but just surviving.

      I believe the Black woman’s biggest issue and why she continues to be “hit hard” is because Black women align themselves with people who do to have our best interests. they leech and suck Black women dry to the point where BW feel stifled and simply start accepting these bad fates.

      When Black women stop aligning themselves with people and things who are not in our corner, we will start thriving as a collective. As long as Black women stay in the matrix of the now defunct Black “community” and keep believing one day things are going to change (bit not taking the action steps to improve our destinies) then we will continue to see a great number of BW on the decline while other Blck women who “got it” were able to successfully move onward and upward because they realize that they should only align themselves in reciprocating relationships of all kinds and nothing LESS.

      In terms of White men and decline, I am not sure what the root of that is other than a class issue?

      Reply

    • The Alchemist
      Oct 31, 2013 @ 19:12:27

      @Mark Slater, @Neecy

      The decline for white men started with the deindustrialization of this country. Millions of manufacturing jobs have left and are not returning. Just look around your house and try to find something made in America. A lot of family farms were consolidated and are now in fewer hands. Rural America has suffered as much as urban America. The media does not cover rural poverty only urban poverty. The methamphetamine epidemic swept through rural America like crack cocaine in the cities. The first jobs to leave the country were in the production of clothes, shoes and toys. This did not effect white men much mostly women and Black people. Later the loss of jobs making appliances, cars, furniture, electronics, etc knocked white men off their collective feet and onto their backs. In the wake of economic changes, increased immigration, and the alteration of gender roles white men have lost their equilibrium and have not found a way to remain upright. Many do not know if they have a role in American or what the role might be. I like in fly-over-country and know the Tea Party is more about white men’s collective angst than anything else. All of this happened to Black men a generation earlier that’s what the Million Man March was about.

      Reply

  4. Brenda55
    Oct 29, 2013 @ 17:31:38

    “In terms of White men and decline, I am not sure what the root of that is other than a class issue?”

    It is the consolidation of wealth in fewer and fewer hand. The top 1% have most of it. Because of it the only thing trickling down is varying degrees of poverty.

    Great post once again. On point as usual.

    Reply

  5. Eji
    Oct 31, 2013 @ 16:56:27

    Love this entry. I can not recall if i have ever commented on one of your blogs, but I have to say between Your nest and NYGF, I have been taken to church AND to school several times in BW issues and I feel all the better for it.
    BW need to become MORE individualistic and selfish (yes, I said SELF-ish, make that VERY selfish) and less “collective” in their thinking, it may have been a neccessary part of survival all those years ago, but we have the right to stop just surviving and to progress and to prosper.
    Colour me post orgasmic!

    Reply

    • Neecy
      Oct 31, 2013 @ 21:34:03

      LOL HE EJI!! Glad you are in your AFTERGLOW moment.

      And yes Black women need to be more SELFISH like everyone else. *THAT* is ironically when people will learn to start respecting us as women.

      Reply

  6. omerta327
    Oct 31, 2013 @ 22:29:18

    hmm. Don’t really have much to add here, since I’m a WM like Mark said (btw, good to see Mark back in the neighborhood). But as the resident metalhead around here, your post reminded me of a Pantera song called “Mouth For War”.

    It’s basically a song about channeling your anger and using that energy for something productive and positive, rather than letting it consume you.

    the lyrics:

    Revenge
    I’m screaming revenge again
    Wrong
    I’ve been wrong for far too long
    Been constantly so frustrated
    I’ve moved mountains with less
    When I channel my hate to productive
    I don’t find it hard to impress

    [Pre]
    Bones in traction
    Hands break to hone raw energy
    Bold and disastrous
    My ears can’t hear what you say to me

    [Chorus]
    Hold your mouth for the war
    Use it for what it’s for
    Speak the truth about me
    Determined

    Possessed
    I feel a conquering will down inside me
    Strength
    The strength of many to crush
    Who might stop me
    My strength is in number
    And my soul lies in every one
    The releasing of anger can better any medicine under the sun

    [Pre]

    [Chorus]

    There comes a time within everyone to close your eyes to what’s real
    No comprehension to fail
    I vacuum the wind for my sail
    Can’t be the rest
    Let others waste my time
    Owning success is the bottom line.
    Like a knife into flesh
    After life is to death
    Pulling and punching the rest of duration
    NO ONE can piss on this determination

    btw, it’s 1:30am here in CT and I’m still awake. Fun fun fun.

    Reply

  7. BrownSmiles
    Nov 04, 2013 @ 15:55:04

    Hi Neecy!

    I love the section about positively channeling your anger. If our emotions are not streamlined into productive action, then its all for naught.

    It is CRITICAL, that we do not present our message as angry Black women, but purposely present ourselves as the antithesis to this crippling stereotype.

    Presenting ourselves as feminine, educated, cultured, well spoken women, not only works in our favor with other BW who may be intetested in our message, but promotes a positive shift in the larger culture, where these types of BW can no longer be rendered invisible by a society that is fighting us tooth and nail to maintain the current status quo.

    BWE is not simply about a compilation of opinions to inspire/redirect this current generation of BW, but also serves as a springboard to define our culture on our own terms.

    American BW hold the most education, wealth, resources of BW in the world. We have a window of opportunity to do something very special if we can mobilize our skills in a variety of ways to benefit us and a
    generation of BW that will follow.

    I personally think this is the best tine to be a BW and I am excited about the endless possibilities of BW in a global context.

    Rise Up!

    Reply

    • Neecy
      Nov 04, 2013 @ 23:41:23

      I agree Browneyes! We are in on the ground floor of a growing movement of major change coming to many Black women. This is an exciting time because I believe we are going to see more and more Black women taking charge in major ways that are going to have major positive impacts on Black women in the near future.

      I think every generation owes it to the next to try to make it better for them just as our ancestors did for us.

      Reply

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