Black woman Strategy #0958497549759847552837: UNDERSTANDING & WORKING IN THE GRAY AREAS



As hard as it may be, many times I work and move in the gray areas because I know that is really what is going to move me 10 steps ahead of everyone else’s double standards, FAKERY, Lying, broken promises or trying to f*ck me over and get over or treat me a certain way based on being Black and a Woman .



Would I like to work in the Black/White and objective all the time? Of course who wouldn’t? its face value, it direct and its tangible, its “set in stone, it’s clear and concrete. You can touch it, feel it, see it and be comfy in it.



The gray area and the subjective isn’t always so easy to move about if you refuse to see what you are up against. And believe everything is always working from a FAIR & BALANCED standpoint.



Don’t get me wrong, you need to also be able to move in the Black and White areas. But the problem is BW have not equipped themselves to be able to deal in the gray areas and are often left CONFROOOSED when certain crap hits the fan and we were unprepared or unaware of how and why it happened.



The gray area is ambiguous and abstract. It’s harder to ponder and accept – especially when you believe things are or should always be FAIR and balanced and should garner the same results across the board.



It is painful to know and believe that because of the color of your skin and gender, you MAY very well be treated differently than another woman of a different shade DESPITE the “rules” saying that we are “all equal” with the same rights. The concept is true in a sense, but it’s not always applied. And how do you act in situations that you know the concept is not and will not be applied for you be it wrong or right?



All men in every race and culture TEND to and SHOULD protect and honor their women. You see the men in your race don’t do that – do you keep believing in the face value and RULES of how it should be, or do you look at the GRAY area and understand that not all rules will apply to everyone for whatever reasons, and you have to adjust yourself accordingly?


But we don’t have time for that PAIN & crying anymore because its reality. Strategy says a BW who understands the gray area, will always be 10 steps ahead so that she doesn’t end up 6 feet under or under someone’s 10 inch boots.


So we find ways to work around the Black and White and make sure we are covering our tracks in the gray areas. It’s the GRAY areas, the UNSPOKEN that are the BW’s friend and savior.


BW w/ EYES WIDE SHUT = Mental, Emotional and Physical STRIFE & SUFFERING




Your GUT is the Grey Area. And in many cases it can also be the LOGIC in how to act or move in a certain situation. Just because something is at face value, doesn’t always mean it’s LOGICAL.


I’m a firm believer in GUT and instinct. I have instinct and intuition like a MOFO. And I’m pretty sure I aint the only sister with it. When my gut and intuition speaks to me it’s NEVER WRONG. When my GUT tells me to do something and I do it, I win in whatever situation I am in.


There is a reason why they say in testing if you do not know the answer or are unsure of the correct choice, the first answer you choose is usually the correct one. Often times when you don’t go with your gut, you will make the wrong choice. THIS is proven in testing. I remember always being told this throughout school.


So my whole point is, If something doesn’t *FEEL RIGHT* or seem right to you, it PROLLY ISN’T! And your God given intuition speaks to you through your gut and will tell you this – *IF* you are listening.



In my last post I talked about how a lot of times we as BW expect things to be done according to right and wrong, what should be or could be, based on RULES or based on how others fare or act in certain situations or what other *SAY*. IOW’s we like to work and move in the Black & White/Objective AAL.THE.TIME.


Even though I know a lot of BW’s gut tells them that doing a certain thing will cost them, a lot of BW still throw caution and logic to the wind and still do it working against their intuition and instinct.


BW looove us some “feel good” memes, words and talks, we love when people gas us up with feel good promises. We like to believe the unbelievable. Even though we know they are full of shit, based on past occurrences. Hell a lot of times we don’t even get the benefits of being gassed up as our leeches understand at this juncture it’s not necessarily required to suck us dry.


That’s because they know BW live and venture off into fantasy la la land *believing* in feel good memes and promises and actions that we’ve never even seen. We just base it on…… NOTHING but right and wrong. What *should* be and not what *IT IS*.


It doesn’t matter that deep down we know some ish isn’t right, and that we may see different results of what others promised or said. We still seem to move and work in the Black and White and the FACE VALUE even when it’s clear it aint benefiting us.


Someone asks you for money or resources and you really need it for yourself, and know they aren’t able or WILLING to pay it back (based on past history), but because they *TOLD* you they will give it back you lend it out. And you never get it back and now you are paying the price literally for taking them at face value and not working in the gray area of logic and instinct that told you they CANNOT pay you back and loaning the money to them will place you in a bad place.


BW these days don’t seem to think or act in the guise of Actions and behaviors, gut and instinct (the GRAY area and Subjective). Instead we take EVERY.THING as face value. And that is operating from an eyes wide shut stance. And that has clearly been evidenced to be not working too well for us as a collective.


What are some of these Black/White areas:

(1)    The belief that if you sacrifice and move mountains for others to climb you will get it in return – based on feel good words and promises and memes; even if past results have shown it aint so


  • The belief that because we have a *RIGHT* to do, say something, or act in certain way that it means there will be no consequences – not looking at the “gray” area and using logic and instinct viewing the whole story or bigger picture.


  • The belief that because others do something for another group, that will translate to people doing the same for you – based in expectations and not realities and actions (i.e. the GRAY areas)


  • The belief that because you choose to do something, others will do the same – based on the false assumption of good will


  • The belief that Perception is not Reality and that everyone is able to look beyond the surface and treat you accordingly – based on believing that people are superhuman capable of always looking beyond what you present to them


  • The belief that people are going to care for you and honor you, because it’s done for other groups


  • The belief that if you keep doing something that isn’t working, ONE DAY it will work or pay off – based on fantasies that are never grounded in reality


  • The belief that all of your problems will fix themselves – based in believing that GOD’s job is to literally walk you through all your choices, decisions and actions even when they go against his will or not based in common sense


  • The belief that change is futile and selling out even when changing will benefit you


(10)The belief that some people are just born to suffer and carry burdens while others are meant to thrive – believing permanent victim status is something to be proud of or is honorable


When you are working in the GRAY area though, you use your INTUITION, INCLINATION and INSTINCT to handle the situation as to come out ahead and on top, and not 6 feet under or having a quality of life seeped in suffering.


When you work in the gray area, you do not accept everything as face value. It needs to dissected, prodded and probed before you come to any conclusions. It’s not based in emotion and ill logic and false assumptions. The gray area is the area others don’t want you as a BW to see or move in. because that means you have to look beneath the surface, go by others actions and not words and to use those actions as your guide to protect yourself and stay ahead of the GAME.


The saying goes:



But what we never hear is:



And when BW show everyone that they are willing to fight everyone’s fight with no expectation or demand for reciprocations, when we take on causes that do not benefit us at all, when we present ourselves as SHE WOMEN who can “take on the world and traditional male roles” then we are telling other people to BELIEVE US that this is who we are and what we are proud of.

And when they act accordingly, suddenly we fall back and want to be seen as “vulnerable” as everyone else who DOESN’T ENGAGE in those behaviors.

If BW want to receive the same courtesies, concessions and protections that other women have then BW better start adopting the “WHEN IN ROME!” meme.

When you promote your brand of “WOMANHOOD” as sacrifice without reciprocation, being combative and angry and foul-mouthed, working in ILL-LOGIC, etc., then you are asking people to take those perceptions THAT YOU PUT OUT as reality.

When you show others you have ZERO tolerance for strategy they will act accordingly.


Although yall aint stupid, I’m just going to lay it out for you.

All the caping done for the Black man and the Black community that BW do, while seeing little to no return for your sacrifice, says that BW are operating from a standpoint of believing that your good will is the same good will others will return back to you. We do not demand proof of collateral. We just do shit for the sake of it and sit back and *EXPECT* that it will boomerang back to us and catapult us to being loved, honored and cherished.



This belief that we can act a certain way outside of Black settings and get the same results because “we have a right to be us” is proving to not be working so well for us collectively.


There is a saying that Khadija used to say in her blogs writings in how BW should stop “OTHERING” themselves as women (and I’m paraphrasing) but she would say “If you are the only one doing something, it’s probably not the best thing to be doing” something to that affect.


IOW’s, if you are the only race/group of women doing something and other groups of women who are faring better than you don’t engage in those behaviors, then clearly you are the one prolly not doing the right or *SMART* thing to be successful and you are “othering” yourself.

This is not saying don’t be somewhat independent or embrace your individuality, but that means stop doing things that only push you further away from being treated humanely as a woman or receiving the “concessions, courtesies, protections” that other women benefit from as Halima has said.


Mouthing off at cops when you already know you are likely to be man-handled and possibly killed because your humanity is null and void in most of their eyes, manning the front lines in “civil rights demonstrations for BLACK MEN” and getting tear gassed, shot at, arrested and hosed down, PROUDLY declaring that you re STRONG and can handle everything (be you saying it or showing it through your actions), acting in ways that larger society deems undesirable but claiming “too bad I’m Black and gonna keep it real” and then expecting to be treated and viewed in the same way as others not participating in that way of thinking or acting – you are OTHERING yourself Yet expecting to be treated the same way that other women WHO GENERALLY DO NOT ACT LIKE THIS get treated!


Sorry but that aint how it works! Humans do not work that way. Humans work from the standpoint that if someone appears to be embracing of certain behaviors and actions, then they are also embracing of the treatments and perceptions and possible consequences that come along with it. Its common sense!



If BW want to remain in victim status, then continue to be strategy-less


BW, We like to believe (and rightfully so as we are human like all others) that we will be treated accordingly by Right and wrong no matter how awry the situation. We like to believe that because it’s written in ink, the law or told to us by others, that it’s so.


NOT always.


In a perfect non-racist society and world, YES this would make sense. But we don’t live in a perfect world. BW have to work from INTUITION, INSTINCT and with EYES WIDE OPEN.


But a lot of times Black women refuse to acknowledge certain realities. Or maybe not refuse to acknowledge, because I believe a lot of BW already know deep down how things are and cannot handle THE TRUTH.


And the TRUTH is, Black women are often dealing in gray areas of life that may not always apply to others on the surface. And need to develop STRATEGIES on how to become the VICTOR and not the VICTIM.


LOOK BENEATH THE SURFACE OF WHAT IS AT FACE VALUE –And you will see that Rabbit hole that awaits you if you do not work in Inclinations, Instinct and Intuition – THE GRAY AREA.

Having (or not having) STRATEGY can be the difference between LIFE & DEATH for a Black woman

I’m going to talk to you like I would my own DAUGHTER. So please understand there is no victim blaming here. Just common sense talk that a lot of BW need to hear and UNDERSTAND if they want to SURVIVE and THRIVE in this country these days of craziness.

Ok So I have been following the Sandra Bland story since last week and have been meaning to write about it. I’m glad I waited and here is why:

A piece of me dies when I hear of a sister being beaten or killed by law enforcement. I’m tired of feeling hopeless. But until Police reform is heavily in effect, BW are going to learn the hard way on how to be strategic when in the face of vulnerability.


Here is something I do not think the average African American BW understands or realizes. WE.ARE.ALONE. Meaning, we have no community, no MEN, and damn near any BW to protect us or our lives and best interests.

We are disposable to most in this world. If we do not take care of ourselves, we will continue to be at the mercy of the predators with no support other than friends and family.

We are hunted by law enforcement loonies because we are easy prey. If BW thought only BM were dealing with police brutality, Driving while Black, filling up prisons, and being killed senselessly by cops was a Black man problem – then we are getting a real rude awakening that IT AINT SO! It’s a Black woman problem and it seems to be growing.

In fact, police brutality cuts across racial lines and genders. So if White people are catching it, what do you think that means for you as a minority woman in a sexist AND racist society where your community and men do NOTHING to protect and fight for your honor?

Black women have spent so much time and energy fighting for the Black man in terms of police brutality, that we seemed to have missed that the rates in which we are equally brutalized and killed is not too far off from BM’s!

What else is growing? – the number of BW being sent to prison, the number of BW killed in prison and the number of BW said to have committed “SUICIDE” while in police prison custody.


Yall better recognize!

These cops aint of the Andy Griffith Opie era!

First off, the suicide rates for BW in this country are thee LOWEST of all groups! So low that the Army wanted to do a damn study on AA female culture where they can identify why BW are the least likely to commit suicide unlike so many other service members – I.e. WHITE MALES. They wanted to use the low suicide rates and finding of AA service women as a foundation to helping other servicemen and women of other races in decreasing their suicide rates.

So for me or anyone to believe a BW would hang herself in a prison cell is very unlikely. BW just hardly ever commit suicide (at least DIRECTLY but that’s another post for another day) and the stats and studies show this.

But that hasn’t stopped many police entities from CLAIMING this is a form of death of BW who have died in prison cells.

Sandra Bland aint the only BW who has died in prison with the “suicide” as cause of death. A young 22 year old BW in Alabama was recently arrested for stealing a cell phone and died 1 hour later by “suicide” (hanging) while in jail. You just prolly didn’t hear about it. These cops are doing any and everything to vulnerable BW while in their Devils den and playground.

They have taken their LYNCHNGS inside their devils den where they can protect each other from being held accountable.

Yall better recognize!

Once you are behind those bars you are in the DEVILS PLAYGROUND LADIES! He dwells there. And it’s the devils playground because they can pretty much do ANYTHING to you including MURDER and BEAT you and rape you , with having to answer to NO ONE because the system is corrupt and set up to protect the police unions and police officers from any wrongdoing.

That is because if they did the right thing every time, there could be a case for why our tax dollars should no longer go to the city and state for employing officers and their unions would be dissolved. So they have to SAVE FACE by all costs even if its transparent they are as crooked as a witch’s index finger.

Here’s a tid bit. Police depts.. with crooked cops always use the suicide “hanging” as a “go to” and cover-up for murdering inmates regardless of race. I’m not saying inmates don’t hang themselves on their own, but I’m sorry no BW who was arrested for something stupid and in a holding cell is going to hang herself.

I’ll tell you what is happening. These SEXIST & RACIST cops with very little tolerance for mouthy BW are raping and beating these “mouthy BW” to the point then they have to kill them to keep them from talking – and then they fall on the “suicide by hanging” as the “REASON”.

The police system and entity in this country is THOROUGHLY CORRUPT and its purpose and foundation is to protect cops by ALL COSTS. The police entitity in this country is no longer here to protect and serve the citizens. It’s here to PROTECT and SERVE the best interests of the POLICE OFFICERS   – yes event he CROOKED MURDEROUS psycho police officers they employ.

So basically many people have and are killed in police custody and prisons and the SYSTEM and the entity covers it up. It’s corrupt from top to bottom. And guess who the easiest prey is? Blacks, Black women and Poor non-Blacks with no resources.


Here is another not so shocking FACT – A LOT OF RACIST WHITE MEN enter the police force so that they can harass, maim, beat and kill Black(s) and never be held accountable.

And here is the another FACT – THERE IS NO CALVARY WAITING in the wings to come to the defense or rescue of Black women. That means, BM are not going to ride or die for YOU, they are not going to MARCH on your behalf for answers, They are not going to organize and do what it takes to protect you as a BW.

BW are ALONE! And that means VULNERABLE.

So that means for those of us who acknowledge this REALITY and are not still living in LA LA LAND believing we have a community and men to fight and protect us, is that we have to always be in STRATEGY MODE to protect ourselves from being easy prey for predators – this includes LAW ENFORCEMENT.

Right now, you have predatory racist and SEXIST cops with chips on their shoulders and badges to protect them behind all their dirty deeds – even MURDER.


I’m going to state the OBVIOUS before I go into detail about why this sister could have used strategy to avoid being MURDERED.

  • Sandra Bland was pulled over for a bullshit reason. PERIOD.
  • The cop immediately had a chip on his shoulder when he saw who he pulled over
  • The officer had NO REASON TO ARRESST or verbally harass Sandra.
  • Sandra Bland should have never been asked to get out of her car.
  • Sandra Bland had a right to smoke while in her car.
  • Being argumentative and combative and questioning a cop is NOT A CRIME
  • Sandra Bland should have never been physically handled the way she was by the arresting cop
  • Sandra Bland WAS KILLED IN PRISON.

Ok so those are my views on the issue. Sandra Bland should have never experienced any of this.


Here is the gray area that BW seem to not understand. In this world we live in today, RIGHT and WRONG aint always going to protect you or apply when you are dealing with crazies!

It doesn’t matter that the cop was WRONG from jump streeet. It doesn’t matter that it’s YOUR right to mouth off to a police officer. We are not dealing with NORMAL COPS today! We are dealing with cops who understand they can pretty much get away with MURDER and have the force and law behind them. BW don’t have that kind of protection and force backing us. So when you are in a situation to simply make your life as less stressful as possible DO IT!

I was pulled over for some bullshit reason not too long ago. Was I irritated? Hell yes. But I kept my mouth shut and said as little to the officer as possible. Every time I have done this, I was let off. But I know these officers are looking for BW who run their mouths and become combative as an EXCUSE to escalate their power and authority. They already have us PEGGED.

I aint falling victim to their game and no smart BW should either. Deal with their rudeness and shitty reasons for pulling you over, and then LATER make a complaint. That’s the smart thing to do these days. Not mouthing off or becoming physically combative no matter HOW WRONG they are for putting you in that situation.

A strategic thinking and acting BW would understand that there is a climate of psycho cops with a corrupt law backing them today who are racists and looking for any reason to harass, arrest, beat and physically harm and murder a Black – that INCLIDES BLACK WOMEN.

Knowing this, it is your job to use common sense when understanding how corrupt and vile and SEXIST the police force and its entity is these days.

Sandra Bland was not immune to police brutality because she talked greatly about it on her Facebook page. Ironically, she ended up being the very victim of such even being aware of the very hostile climate against Blacks today with law enforcement.

Her knowledge of such should have kept her ALIVE.

When you view the video, what we clearly see is an officer who was definitely looking for some sort of escalation – and she gave it to him!

She was about to be sent on her way with a warning. Instead of holding her tongue and recognizing the fact he even stopped her for that bullshit reason was a CLUE that he was looking to escalate. The reason he kept asking her questions was because he knew she was irritated and was also looking to escalate. She fell into his trap.

At the moment he asks her “you seem irritated, what’s wrong” and to put out her ciggie, RIGHT and WRONG does not apply, she should have just done it, got the warning and left and then handled it whichever way she saw fit afterwards by filing a formal complaint. He was giving her a warning and that should have been enough to just avoid any further confrontation whether or not he started it.

Mouthing off to an already on edge cop looking for you to escalate and thus giving him a reason to flex his authority is NOT SMART on a BW’s part. A BW who is already knowing about how the police work in this country towards Blacks in general.

There is a reason I stressed in my last post on strategy on why it’s important to avoid any kinds of confrontations or any occurrences with the law as a BW. You cannot always control being pulled over for bullshit reasons other than being Black. But how that call goes after being pulled over will very much depend on how you handle the situation whether the cop is being a complete out of line ASSHOLE.

A lot of times not even giving in to their obvious attempts to escalate will get you off. They pull Blacks over because they EXPECT confrontation and non-cooperation. Its it right? HELL NO! But as a BW you aint got that much clout in this country to put yourself is deadly situations with law enforcement. And god forbid something happens to you while in their custody 9/10 it’s going to be HELLA HARD to prove there was foul play!


This system first of all has been set up AGAINST Black women. Black women occupy over 49% of prisons in most populated states (I know for New York and California this is about true). The problem is BW make up in these places relativity less than 6%. Yet we fill up the prisons more than half.

So that tells me that we are a TARGET for the prison system and law enforcement. We are the easy targets to fill up prisons and jails and we bring money to the SYSTEM every time one of us is locked up.

BW should be the main group out there informing our young girls and women of this reality. Instead, we are too busy complaining about the BLACK MAN being wrongfully hunted for filling up prisons. All the talk and fighting for BM calling them endangered species and how THEY are victims of corrupt justice system, seemed to have gone over the heads of these sister soldiers that BW ARE IN THE SAME DAMN BOAT! We are the race of women who fill up most of the prisons!

Instead of educating young Black girls in vulnerable areas on WHY we are often picked by law enforcement and HOW to avoid it, we are so busy with our heads up the BM’s asses and now we are getting a rude awakening that we are actually JUST AS IF NOT WORSE OFF as BM are! BM have a community behind them – BW don’t!

Next. What happens inside of prison to BW should also be a concern to African American women AND WHY WE SHOUL DBE DOING EVERYTHING IN OUR POWER TO AVOID GOING IN.

I just read a piece from a White lady who literally wrote about her experience in prison compared to her Black female counterparts. She was going to an ivy league school and had become hooked on Heroine. She ended up getting arrested for possession and serving 2 years in prison. This White lady OUTLINED in detail how African American women are treated and abused and often cited to spend more time in solitary confinement than Non-Black women in the system for the same injsutices.

How BW are upheld to different standards and are often harassed about things by the prison supervisors and guards that White and Non-Black women are given passes for. This was written from her OWN EXPERIENCE as a privileged WW who ended up in prison for 2 years and realized how her White skin afforded her so much privilege in sentencing and getting out. After she served her two years in prison she was later accepted BACK into Cornell University (they knew of her arrest) and graduated – she said this was done with so much ease.

Here is the link – please read this.

Sisters, you are going to learn the hard way in these times if you do not have some STRATEGY to stay alive and thrive!

I’m telling you like I would tell my OWN DAUGHTER who I would love.

There are hardly any SECOND CHANCES for us. There was no second chance for Sandra once she ended up in the Devils den and at their mercy. She had ONE chance to get away, and because she couldn’t hold her tongue against an already racist and on edge cop, it cost her, her life. IT’S NOT WORTH IT.

I can guarantee, the mouthing off continued while in the jail and these sexist and racist officers were going to teach her a lesson – and they staged her suicide, but we all know they killed her.

This is the FOURTH person to “die by suicide” in that prison. If White men aren’t safe from corrupt cops, your Black behind doesn’t even stand a chance!

BE STARTEGIC in every aspect of your life BW – it could be the difference between LIFE and DEATH, EXISTING & THRIVING!

My attempts to going semi-vegetarian

So I have been reading a lot lately on the animal abuse going on in the meat industry. I have always known about it but lately in my Facebook feed I have a vegan on there who posts a lot of things in regards to animals being abused in a lot of these places where we get our meat.

I’ve known or at least believed for a while that a lot of health issues (including cancer) i believe stem from eating meat today that is pumped with all kinds of steroids, anti biotics and such – and we are consuming this.

But something deeper has made me really re-consider eating animal flesh EXCEPT FISH (that is why I can’t say i am going to try going full on vegetarian).

When we see how these cows, chicken, and such are treated (yes I have seen some distrubing vids and pics of how facilities treat these poor animals) I started thinking that we are consuming their suffering and trauma.


Yes you can *CONSUME* it, because reports show that the adrenaline that runs through the veins and blood of these animals as they are suffering and being abused transfers to us because we are eating their blood and flesh! I don’t think that theory is too far off.


We are consuming the flesh and more importantly BLOOD of animals that are being mistreated, abused and who are miserable. I believe that can and does transfer to our bodies and causes problems.


In a perfect world and in the past eating animals was not a bad thing. Usually they were not abused in the ways they are today.


Chickens really catch it.


And it’s all in the name of producing more meat, faster to deepen the pockets of these companies. *THAT* is why the animals are mistreated. They are literally cattle in a food industry with very high demands for their flesh.


I am going to go slowly and eventually and hopefully by the end of the year I can be completely free of eating land flesh.


The only meat I am not willing to give up and which I happen to love more than beef, chicken, pork any other any meat is SEAFOOD.


Yeah yeah I know seafood industry currently has its own problems, but I just don’t see it the same as the chicken, beef, and pork industries.


What are your thoughts? Do you think consuming animal flesh that is not just pumped with hormones, steroids and anti biotics, but also consuming the negative energy and blood is not contributing to the overall bad heath in Americans?


I don’t know, lately I feel God has been leading me in this direction. I’ve been thinking about it A LOT and usually that is a sign I should do something.

Don’t Stay Losing Part III: STRATEGY


So far I’ve done two parts to the ‘Don’t Stay Losing Series”. The first was – TRUTHS and the second was SIMPLICITY.






Now let’s move into STRATEGY.


But before we do that…..Here’s a thought to kick things off.


I was sitting in my car the other day during yet another excruciating rush hour home in LA traffic. And something dawned on me as I got really angry at the person ahead of me who kept letting the “cheaters” (you know those people who don’t want to wait at the long traffic light, or long line of cars to get on the freeway ramp and they drive up on the side and try to cut in front of the people right at the entrance or at the front of the light)?


Yeah I’m talking about you! No seriously but you know those people right? And it aggravates the living crap out of you because you sat in that long assed line waiting your turn like everyone else who is tired and just wants to get home or to other obligations and these asshats just keep trying to skip ahead of the line as if their time and destination are far more important than yours!


(BTW yes I do cheat every once in a while. If you pay it forward ever so often and let someone cut in front of you, you can do it too. Just don’t do it regularly and do it politely with a smile and “thank you” wave to the person you’ve cut).


Anyway, but the most aggravating thing was the person in front of me, keep letting a bunch of cheaters (like 3-4 cars) skip ahead of him which meant I and others had to wait that much longer to get on the freeway ramp even though we waited the line like good citizens.


One car. OK. But 3,4 cars – HAIL NO!


After witnessing this, I suddenly had an epiphany! This is BW! That annoying do gooder who kept letting others jump the line in front of him is doing what BLACK WOMEN do all the time!


BW are always letting people skip the line ahead of them further pushing them back and making them miss their obligations while letting others who didn’t want to play “fair” get to where they need and want to be much sooner. The other cars saw this one person kept letting people in, so they took advantage and used him to cut to the front.


But no fear. Neecy is here to help you stop doing that!


When people try to do that to me and I’m at the front, depending on my mood, every now and then I allow ONE person to jump the line in front of me – I’m paying it forward. But most times I make it so that they cannot cut and have to end up waiting BEHIND ME until another person decides to let them in.


I don’t always do this, because I find it inconsiderate and RUDE that people just think they can boguard their way in the front of the line while everyone else is waiting patiently.


You have a right as a BW to not allow others to keep “cutting” you to get ahead. You can play the game and stop them in their tracks like I do when I’m just not in the mood to deal with that.


  1. Now onto the MEAT and GUTS of this POST


“If you want to know your past, look into your present conditions. If you want to know your future, look into your present actions.” ~Some Buddhist


BW are very clear about our past and we have been able to put two and two together and correlate how that has affected our present conditions. There is nothing we can do about the former. But there is something we can do about the latter – our future and how our actions TODAY will predict what our future will be. And I think the writing is on the wall. We are at the crossroads where we either CHANGE or continue to be at the mercy of all others stepping on, over us to get what they want and leaving us destitute.


So that is where strategy comes in. Better believe no successful group with any kind of infrastructure got there by CHANCE or by being ACCOMODATING all the darn time. Everything and everyone today that has some power or infrastructure or even success of some sort had to be calculating to get there and remain in that position.


Plainly put, BW are too damned nice and accommodating and look where it has gotten us as a collective??? Where has it gotten BW? STALLED and waiting in that long traffic line to get on the freeway ramp much longer than we need to be.


In a perfect world being accommodating, always forgiving, “nice” and sacrificing would garner much reciprocation and rewards. But this aint a perfect world AT.ALL and human beings are designed to take advantage of those who do not protect themselves and stand their ground.


BW thrive off of the ideas that our sacrifice is going to somehow be rewarded, although we never see the rewards. But we still keep sacrificing, accommodating notwithstanding! The only thing we get is the fumes left from the cars speeding off onto the freeway that we opened up for them .




I’m a spiritual person, so I have my limits in terms of “shystiness” and how I go about getting what I want. I don’t believe in being sinister and being manipulative or taking on sociopathic tendencies to get ahead and get what I want. But I also don’t believe in being the all scarifying sheep with no demands of reciprocation is intelligent or progressive either.


To be calculating is not always sinister, it just depends on the person. It’s all on how you go about it. One thing being calculating is – is *SMART* – especially if you are in a weaker position compared to others. You better believe every other person in this society that keeps kicking the dust in yiur face, is being calculating.


All those TV ads where BW are fat, sassy and asexual is a CALCULATED move on the parts of your competition and those who want to keep you “out the game” and at their mercy. Any and everything that shows and puts BW in a negative light or seen as un-feminine is a CALCULATED move. And it is WORKING BIG TIME. So if you are all about “I can’t be calculating to get ahead” then you most very likely will not get very far.


Here’s what we *DO* know by trial and error as BW:


  • You will not get out of a weaker position by being accommodating towards those who are not accommodating towards you or who are non-reciprocal
  • You will not get out of a weaker position by caping, and being a captain-save-a-_______ (fill in the blank)
  • You will not get out of a weaker position by being “nice”.
  • You will not get out of a weaker position by putting others feelings and needs before your own.
  • You will not get out of a weaker position by offering up yourself for suffering and pain so that others can like you more or give you wet soppy doggy treats.


YOU *WILL* get out of a weaker position by being CUNNING (to a certain degree), CALCULATING, & STRATEGIC.




I’m not going to literally break down every step one needs to do to be calculating, because you all are intelligent and can read and understand the definitions and take on whatever steps you need to take to be successful. But I will give you what IMO is the first and most important step for BW to learn how to be calculating.


That is learning , practicing the art of being APATHETIC.




  • showing or feeling no interest, enthusiasm, or concern. Being indifferent



Here are some synonyms to help drive the meaning home:

uninterested, indifferent, unconcerned, unmoved, uninvolved, disinterested, unemotional, emotionless, dispassionate, lukewarm, unmotivated, halfhearted;


Yeah yeah I know, that’s not what BIG MOMMA, GRANMA and everyone told us to do or be, but it’s a new day! APATHY is going to be your BESTES FRIEND in the journey to freedom as a BW!


But Apathy towards the *RIGHT* things is important. Right now BW are apathetic to the things that are crucial to our survival. And that is not SMART.


BW need to learn how to become apathetic to the many people, things, and entities that have proven to NOT be in your individual and OUR COLLECTIVE best interests. It’s kinda in the STAYING NEUTRAL family. It means just stop inserting yourself into people and messiness that is supposed to strip you of your sanity, well-being and often times RESCOURCES.


Learn to simply be un-affected by other people’s obvious attempts to reel you in for the kill. Because as long as they keep reeling you in, you can never focus on coming up and executing STRATEGIES to better your individual and our collective lives as BW. And if you had STRATEGY in the first place, those scorpions couldn’t even get close enough to reel you in. They’d find another and easier PREY to reel in.


There’s a reason why sociopaths target “weaker” and more empathetic accommodating people and why they are scared shitless of confident- self-assured people who they know thinks highly of themselves.


Being constantly empathetic, accommodating and sacrificing towards others has been TRAGIC for the Black female collective with no signs of getting any better until BW learn to do as others do and look out for self-FIRST and only give yields to others who have and are willing to reciprocate and ally with us in GIVE and TAKE relationships of any kind.




  • a plan of action or policy designed to achieve a major or overall aim.


This is probably the biggest thorn in the BW’s side right now. To be honest, BW have *NEVER* had any real strategies for our collective lives and many times our individual lives.


And if we do have strategies they are the most NON-EFFECTIVE counterproductive strategies known to man and womankind!


We’re throwing shit against the wall to see what sticks. And if it sticks (for like 1 second) and then slides down off the wall, we don’t pick up another piece of shit to toss, we go and try to gather and “prop up” the useless shit that fell off the wall onto the floor. Instead of taking the cue that if it doesn’t stay stuck to the wall, it’s probably not the shit we need and we need to move onto some new shit.


Sure there may be BW who have strategy in their individual lives, but by the looks of things *collectively*, these BW are not very common these days.


So STRATEGY is the biggest HUMP BW have to get over. That is why it’s the middle term in this series. It’s the big HUMP that BW have to get over before they start heading into the more rewarding parts.



I’m going to just state some *OBVIOUS* Missions and goals that BW need to have. And these mission and goals will be the foundations of developing strategies to make them happen successfully. Of course this is just a blog post, so the list is not exhaustive.



  • MISSION – to secure the highest quality mate you can.
  • MISSION – to get to the highest economic bracket you can; being poor and in underclass these days is a sure way to be abused and lack any kinds of protections you need. You are a TARGET for easy prey.
  • MISSION – avoid getting manhandled by the police by understanding they are not the police of yesterday and are looking for reasons to abuse minority women (Yes I am DEAD serious)
  • MISSION – stay out of the justice system as much as possible because its designed and targeted to work against minority women (How many Asian women do you think are filling up prisons in the USA? There’s a reason – they have obviously got some kind of memo that staying out of the justice system works BEST). Women in prison are abused and killed systematically by the male guards and it’s a horrible situation. Talk about no real protection?
  • MISSION – teach any young BW in your life how they need to navigate the waters in society to avoid being VICTIMS and how to instead be VICTORS
  • MISSION – get health in order (yes things are changing in medical arena that will not favor those with tons of avoidable medical issues)
  • MISSION – get away from toxic Black areas where you will likely be targeted by feral/criminal Black males
  • MISSION – surround yourself and only deal with like-minded individuals with many of the same goals, values or missions (that are UPWARD and not BACKWARDS)
  • MISSION – Apathy towards things and people who are not moving you forward and instead keeping you stagnant or pushing you further down the rabbit hole
  • MISSION – Stop inserting yourself into things and people AND SITUATIONS that do not benefit you in the least or have nothing to do with you; stay neutral
  • MISSION – Embrace your femininity; when you do this you will find yourself unwilling to do the work of men and to fight everyone’s battles
  • MISSION – Develop a network of allies
  • MISSION – SUPPORT and give back to people, things and entities willing to invest in and support you; do not take their allying with you for granted and simply be a leech
  • MISSION – Understand the “United we stand, Divided we fall” mantra as TRUTH when looking at other LIKE-MINDED BW (keyword LIKE MINDED BW). We are all in this together and we need to stick together to fight against the forces trying to destroy the whole of BW collective.
  • MISSION – help build towards a collective for Progressive BW who have left the BC and want to create a “new” community where our children (yes Mixed with Black mothers) benefit from being our progeny.
  • ULTIMATE MISSION – Build personal INFRASTRUCTURE and contribute to help building COLLECTIVE INFRASTRUCTIRE with like-minded BW.


You may add any you feel I missed that may be important!



Strategy is sooo important now more than anything in BW’s lives. In the next Don’t Stay Losing post, I want to tackle Infrastructure, why it’s important and how to go about building it and looking for brainstorming ACTION ORIENTED ideas on how we as like-minded BW can build our *collective* infrastructures like all other powerful groups in this country and world. We can do this without the BC and BM, but will need to brainstorm on ways to do such.




Getting armed for me, is no longer a question!

imageFirst I wanna say I am so heartbroken over the tragedy in Charleston. Too see so any innocent Black lives snuffed by a depraved terrorist is painful to watch, listen to and see.

When Blacks cannot even attend Church and be safe from violence, I think it’s a sure sign we need to always be prepared for something like this.

There are a lot of UNHINGED psychopaths out there today. On the Black end you have these feral criminal minded Black males killing and harming us and then you have these unhinged racist White males who we have to watch out for.

So The answer is yes for me. I don’t know what the hell is happening in this country right now, butteerahma I think all signs are pointing to getting armed. This is something I never considered EVER until recently.

I’m just not so sure where this country is headed and with open season on BW from all fronts, I think it’s time we start actually doing something to protect ourselves.

Of course BW living in lower class Black areas definitely need it for protection more than BW living in safer comminities, but I think we all should have a carry and conceal license for any possible threats we may encounter.


Listen I am a church goer at times and I’m very spiritual. However, I have my limits when it comes to “forgiveness”. If that is what is going to keep me out of heaven then… But I’m sorry, a savage pre meditated to murder 9 Black people who welcomed his crazy looking ass in with open arms into their prayer bible meeting (I’m pretty sure they felt he was some creepy loon) but as always Blacks are waaay too accommodating and nice to their own detriment, and let him in.

All churches should be armed with security at all times and no “strays” should just be allowed to enter without having first been vetted and patted down by security and thoroughly checked out.

Black people are just too damn nice and accommodating and that is why we are always in the mess we’re in with people getting over.

Speaking of which, read this “LOVE LETTER” written by a Black man to the killer Dylan Roof. I saw this on FOR BW ONLY facebook page and I’m sorry but this is…..! I have to laugh. Because this is the response a BM gives to the savage killing of 6 BW and 3 BM. Yet, BW are out getting tear gassed, arrested and hosed down when a BM gets yelled at by the cops. When it’s us who get slaughtered, the slaughterer gets a long winded “I LUBS YOU” message in his Facebook account.




im so trying this this weekend. I like this idea.


This is what happens ladies and gents, when you have no infrastructure or the infrastructures you do have as a people are run by Greedy corrupt men who only care about lining their pockets and not setting his people up for success and to avoid sickening shot like this.

I’m so heartbroken for these Haitans.

You can only get mad at Rachael Dolezal fiasco if you are still INVESTING and not DIVESTING from Black people’s NONSENSE.

Why are BW always the ones still trying to hold onto what is left of “Blackness” and what little respect comes along with it these days?


Why are yall mad? Really. Why?


Black people (moreso Black men) and their non BW cronies have been engaging in frackanackel BS for some time now. This is yet another train wreck in the chapter of Black people’s nonsense.


I ask this because I have long ago come to terms with allowing this community to keep digging itself into a deeper hole of oblivion (and not taking me with it) while watching BLACK WOMEN run around like CAPTAIN-SAVE-A-KNEEGRO trying to SALVAGE what’s left of it.


I have a dream one day BW will throw up the deuces and let all these fools and the defenders of all things relating to “Black folk’s nonsense” fend for themselves.


If we had divested from this community, we’d be sitting back drinking tea *PINKYS UP* and tossing popcorn into our mouths watching the fiasco unfold and looking at each other shaking our heads like “GRRRRRLLLL they crazy aint they!?”


Why I’m still trying to find the energy to get mad at this Rachael Dolezal mess, but can’t……..


Ok. So my first reaction when I saw the article on Rachael Dolezal was literally laughter. I was like OMG this ish is hilarious that she went this far to be a Black woman. The curly wigs even tickled me even more. That was it.


I hadn’t planned on giving this looney anymore of my energy other than to laugh at the NAACP for being STUCK ON STUPID and her for “going natural for her 36th B DAY”. Then literally the next day the story broke national headlines. And all the debates started and I started seeing the anger of so many people – especially BW who have felt slighted by this crazy woman and the BM defending her.


I honestly understand the debates around why BW are pissed and frustrated at this WW using her privledge to disguise herself as a bi racial BW to get ahead. But I still no matter how hard I try to make myself be MAD AS HELL, can’t seem to get there. It’s not because I don’t care about BW issues. I honestly cannot put my finger on why this is one case where I can’t muster up the energy to get mad.


I guess for me it’s not that deep. IMO she is just a wannabe (BW) who just took things waaaay too far and a step further than your “Black acting” White girls who avoid the tanning creams and sprays and curly wigs. To me it’s all the same bucket. She just went a step further.


Let’s be honest. She could have STILL taught Black studies and been President of the NAACP as a White woman on a “mission to help Black people”. The results would have been the same except without the deception and lies. The Black community hasn’t for centuries cared about the replacing of BW with Non BW when and if necessary. So she didn’t really have to dress up in Blackface orangeface to get what she wanted out of black people. I think she liked what she saw in the mirror over what she *really looked like* and just kept it going – along with an obsession of Black people and culture.


She is clearly a mentally ill person because I cannot imagine going through all those changes daily just to appear to be something you are not unless you are OBSESSED with some aspect of what you are trying to obtain.


So, with that I decided to sit back and take a wait and see approach to this whole Rachael Dolezal mess. I initially found it funny and still do. I cannot even muster up the energy or care to GAF about this INSANE woman and her BM handlers like so many BW are going on about.


Move along nothing to see here but yet another wreck on the side of the Black folk’s street.


Let’s be REAL…..




First off. The NAACP have been a joke for centuries. We all know they have done nothing in the last three decades to advance or help Black women and girls. I didn’t even think they still existed (The NAACP) for the longest until I hear random bits of them popping up every so often to do a press conference for some “chosen” Black issues. So to act shocked that they stood behind Rachael Dolezal or never questioned her “Blackness” is silly IMO if you recognize they haven’t really done much for the Black collective or BW in DEACDES.


Also, from what I have read, the NAACP was started by Jews and there were no Black presidents until 1975. That means this is not some INSANE idea that a bi racial whitish looking “Black woman” could be president.


Historically light/mixed Blacks have headed organizations and spearheaded a lot of things in regards to the benefit of African Americans – BECAUSE THEY HAD NO CHOICE since they were considered BLACK by everyone. And if they (GOD FORBID) said they were anything BUT Black, the Black community would come running with their pitchforks ready to burn anyone at stake who didn’t claim they were BLACK (whether they looked it or not).


So it’s not out of the ballpark that Blacks would look at this “whitish looking bi racial Black woman” and not really question her allegiance b/c HISTIRICALLY and present day some bi racials of all looks have aligned with Blacks and Black organizations and been accepted by those entities.




EXCEPT….Rachael Dolezal LOL


But it’s still a true statement in regards to BM and others BW keep EXPECTING to ONE DAY do right by us and defend our honor.


There is no Calvary coming ladies!!!


Yall need to quit acting brand new and shocked in regards to how BM responded in defense of this woman. YOU ALREADY KNOW the Black male agenda! Why yall keep getting your blood pressure up and feeling hurt over PAR THE COURSE actions of BM is beyond me!


I know the real source of BW’s reaction – its ONCE AGAIN *HURT* and *ANGER* that BM have shown the world ONCE AGAIN they care very little about the women who push them out their wombs and will go to great lengths to defend a crazy pretending to be (in their eyes) an “upgraded version” of a Black woman.


Well, It feels good to divest from BM and their mess. Yall should try it. So when stuff like this happens, I just keep it moving because I’m already knowing the reactions and responses before they come in. I don’t hold some special place in my heart and mind that one day BM will do a complete 360 and suddenly defend Black women at the expense of Non BW “for once”.



Let’s forget this lunatic was actually *REALLY* White for one second. Let’s take her Blackface Orangeface at face value for a moment. This woman in her “blackface” does look like a bi racial of sort with a more whitish appearance. How is this new in terms of being called Black?


There have been plenty of bi racial who have claimed Black whether they look more White, or more Black. So it’s not *THAT* socking to me that Black people in the NAACP didn’t question her allegiance although she was more “whitish looking”. There are a lot of mixed whitish Bi racials who are accepted by Blacks mainly because historically they aligned themselves with Blacks regardless of being able to pass for White. The NAACP is old school, so it makes sense to me that they embraced her even though she had more whitish features. *shrugs*


Honestly, IMO BW have more pressing issues.


I just can’t be bothered with her. I know many would disagree.


If BW were divesting as we should be from Black people’s nonsense, we’d be sitting back Shaking our heads at this yet again foolishness, sipping tea and Laughing our asses off at the lengths some NON BW will go to, to get what we have literally and figuratively.


Then we’d sit back and laugh while sipping our tea *PINKY FINGER UP* at Black men scramble to defend this crazy and her messiness and just RE-CONFIRM our decision to divest in the first place.


Instead, we are getting up in arms showing the world once again we are the only Black people who truly care about Blackness while BM are literally making fools of us defending her and all things furthest from Black.


This was a time BW could have shown everyone, we are SO OVER Black people’s nonsense and let ignorant BM and people sort this one out on their own while we keep divesting from them and investing ourselves into the GLOBAL world GETTING OUR LIVES and not being bothered with Black folks nonsense.


Now this woman is getting all kinds of book deals, TV deals and such because she is a new sensation. We could have laughed at her and all the people claiming this “transracial mess” and STAYED NEUTRAL and watch it all implode in their faces defending this nonsense.


Meanwhile back at the ranch, BW could have been STEALTHILY and STRATEGICALLY snatching up quality Non BM and setting the stage for the shock of the century when our dating/mating out numbers start to skyrocket while everyone was focused on crazy Non BW and their BM handlers defending them.


But we allowed ourselves to get dragged in this nonsense – and for what? In the name of defending “Blackness”. I’m over it. If BM don’t care to defend Blackness – KNEE-VER do I!


Is there anyone else who is willing to openly say they couldn’t get up in arms over this? Its okay if there isn’t anyone, I have come to terms that sometimes I am a woman on my own lil island. LOL

I know I should be mad but…..

This ish is HILLL AIR REE US!!!


please forgive me. I should be fuming I know. But y’all…. You can’t make this ish up! 😭😭😭

I was scrolling through FOR BW ONLY Facebook page and came across this article.




Well if you have an internet connection, you wouldn’t have been able to miss the internet breaking from the story out of McKinney Texas in which ONCE AGAIN rogue psycho police officers misuse and abuse their power and take it out on Black teens – while a 110 pound bikini clad 14 year old Black girl gets manhandled, tossed to the ground, has her face plastered to the dirt/grass, hair pulled, and is subsequently SAT ON with an officer knees on her back all because she??? I’m not sure what she did. I guess being a young Black teenage girl is enough to get you literally brutalized by cops these days.

Look I’m gonna get right to it. This has been said time and time again by numerous enlightened BW bloggers. Well I’m going to say it again – while BW are all over social media caping and freedom fighting for the rights of rich celebrity White men who are turning themselves into women, and BM who wouldn’t spit on you if you caught fire there are very real issues affecting our young women that we need to be LASER FOCUSED on because it could be YOU or any loved one in the same situation in McKinney Texas amongst other places where BW are flung around like rag dolls by the police for simply being Black.

I don’t have time for Respectability Politics anymore in these cases. It is clear that you do not have to do much to be assaulted by cops these days if you are Black. And it’s NOT JUST BLACK MALES as we can see. All I can tell you once again is if you are a Black woman, simply do what police say to avoid getting brutalized. It can take you almost doing NOTHING but simply asking about your rights for them to react in savage manner these days.

If you feel your rights have been violated save it for later and get an attorney to file a complaint against the officer and police unit. Until America deals with this abhorrent police issue of abuse against Black women and Blacks this is the recommended ways in which to respond to obvious racist cops looking to use any reason to use force against you.

This is where I cannot understand why Black parents are not talking to their teens about how to act in these situations today! I mean at some point we need to teach our children AND GIRLS ESPECILALY to walk away and stop trying to reason with these maniacs. That is what they are. UNHINGED racist maniacs who see you as sub-human and have no regard for your well-being. SO why do young Black girls continue to think they can reason with these police officers who are already acting in an unhinged manner is simply because Black parents are NOT teaching their children how to react in these situations to avoid being brutalized.

Back to the topic….

If BW’s priorities had been straight the last couple of decades I’d highly doubt any police officer would be ready and willing to brutally assault our young girls so readily (even while being filmed). You will never see a young teenage White girl being treated this way because their COMMINITIES and mothers and fathers make sure the world knows how cherished they are! AND they will fight to the deaths for justice God Forbd any of their young teenage daughters be treated as this young girl had been by anyone including but not limited to police officers.

Yeah yeah I know BW can hang up the community and father calvary thing. But if BW had put as much effort onto making a statement that we value our lives and the lives of our daughters highly, people including police officers would be very careful about how they handled us because they know there would be hell to pay.

This is not to say there would not be cases of brutality against Black women and girls because clearly something is in the water causing all these racist psycho maniacs to join police forces across the country. But the statement would be clear that our young girls are to be handled and treated as such.

Until more and more BW GET IT, we will continue to be the literal punching bags in this country by everyone.

STOP CAPING for everyone else! It’s not going to get you any brownie points with the masses as a BW. It isn’t going to shift you to the top of the hierarchy by trying to prove you are down to fight for everyone’s causes. All it does is continue to make you look like society’s DOORMAT who will run and help any and everyone while your own backyard is in shambles.

If you see society jumping on a bandwagon of a PRIVLEDGED person who doesn’t need your help, support then JUST BE QUIET. You do not have to say anything. Silence is best. Let others fight their own damn battles for once because we Black women have a LOT of work to do to continue to make sure our civil rights as WOMEN and Black WOMEN are continuously improving.

It will not improve if you are fighting everyone else’s battles and trying to be “likable” to the masses by jumping on bandwagons that aint going to benefit you in any way whatsoever.

This McKinney case is YET another reminder that BW do not have the time to spend messing around in other more highly privileged people’s stuff. We have our own stuff to fix.

Please contact the McKinney police dept. and express your outrage at this incident.

I won’t hold my breathe to wait and see if any marches happen for this young girl, but I will say that I have seen AMPLE outrage from all genders and races in regards to this incident affecting the young girl.

This is a good sign at least that others are finally getting it. It’s getting to the point where I believe even some White people fear that they will be next and are calling for justice in these cases. They have reason to fear because eventually the police will move onto brutalizing them and their children if this country does not come together and fight this cancer that is POLICE BRUTALITY AND MISCONDUCT these days.

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