The “GRAY AREA” IS THE NEW “BLACK” for BW
As hard as it may be, many times I work and move in the gray areas because I know that is really what is going to move me 10 steps ahead of everyone else’s double standards, FAKERY, Lying, broken promises or trying to f*ck me over and get over or treat me a certain way based on being Black and a Woman .
Would I like to work in the Black/White and objective all the time? Of course who wouldn’t? its face value, it direct and its tangible, its “set in stone, it’s clear and concrete. You can touch it, feel it, see it and be comfy in it.
The gray area and the subjective isn’t always so easy to move about if you refuse to see what you are up against. And believe everything is always working from a FAIR & BALANCED standpoint.
Don’t get me wrong, you need to also be able to move in the Black and White areas. But the problem is BW have not equipped themselves to be able to deal in the gray areas and are often left CONFROOOSED when certain crap hits the fan and we were unprepared or unaware of how and why it happened.
The gray area is ambiguous and abstract. It’s harder to ponder and accept – especially when you believe things are or should always be FAIR and balanced and should garner the same results across the board.
It is painful to know and believe that because of the color of your skin and gender, you MAY very well be treated differently than another woman of a different shade DESPITE the “rules” saying that we are “all equal” with the same rights. The concept is true in a sense, but it’s not always applied. And how do you act in situations that you know the concept is not and will not be applied for you be it wrong or right?
All men in every race and culture TEND to and SHOULD protect and honor their women. You see the men in your race don’t do that – do you keep believing in the face value and RULES of how it should be, or do you look at the GRAY area and understand that not all rules will apply to everyone for whatever reasons, and you have to adjust yourself accordingly?
But we don’t have time for that PAIN & crying anymore because its reality. Strategy says a BW who understands the gray area, will always be 10 steps ahead so that she doesn’t end up 6 feet under or under someone’s 10 inch boots.
So we find ways to work around the Black and White and make sure we are covering our tracks in the gray areas. It’s the GRAY areas, the UNSPOKEN that are the BW’s friend and savior.
BW w/ EYES WIDE SHUT = Mental, Emotional and Physical STRIFE & SUFFERING
BW w/ INTUTION, INCLINATION, & INSTINCT = Mental, Emotional & Physical AWARENESS & SUCCESS
Your GUT is the Grey Area. And in many cases it can also be the LOGIC in how to act or move in a certain situation. Just because something is at face value, doesn’t always mean it’s LOGICAL.
I’m a firm believer in GUT and instinct. I have instinct and intuition like a MOFO. And I’m pretty sure I aint the only sister with it. When my gut and intuition speaks to me it’s NEVER WRONG. When my GUT tells me to do something and I do it, I win in whatever situation I am in.
There is a reason why they say in testing if you do not know the answer or are unsure of the correct choice, the first answer you choose is usually the correct one. Often times when you don’t go with your gut, you will make the wrong choice. THIS is proven in testing. I remember always being told this throughout school.
So my whole point is, If something doesn’t *FEEL RIGHT* or seem right to you, it PROLLY ISN’T! And your God given intuition speaks to you through your gut and will tell you this – *IF* you are listening.
LIFE AINT FAIR AND RIGHT & WRONG ARE JUST CONCEPTS NOT NECESSARILY CONCRETE ACTIONS
In my last post I talked about how a lot of times we as BW expect things to be done according to right and wrong, what should be or could be, based on RULES or based on how others fare or act in certain situations or what other *SAY*. IOW’s we like to work and move in the Black & White/Objective AAL.THE.TIME.
Even though I know a lot of BW’s gut tells them that doing a certain thing will cost them, a lot of BW still throw caution and logic to the wind and still do it working against their intuition and instinct.
BW looove us some “feel good” memes, words and talks, we love when people gas us up with feel good promises. We like to believe the unbelievable. Even though we know they are full of shit, based on past occurrences. Hell a lot of times we don’t even get the benefits of being gassed up as our leeches understand at this juncture it’s not necessarily required to suck us dry.
That’s because they know BW live and venture off into fantasy la la land *believing* in feel good memes and promises and actions that we’ve never even seen. We just base it on…… NOTHING but right and wrong. What *should* be and not what *IT IS*.
It doesn’t matter that deep down we know some ish isn’t right, and that we may see different results of what others promised or said. We still seem to move and work in the Black and White and the FACE VALUE even when it’s clear it aint benefiting us.
Someone asks you for money or resources and you really need it for yourself, and know they aren’t able or WILLING to pay it back (based on past history), but because they *TOLD* you they will give it back you lend it out. And you never get it back and now you are paying the price literally for taking them at face value and not working in the gray area of logic and instinct that told you they CANNOT pay you back and loaning the money to them will place you in a bad place.
BW these days don’t seem to think or act in the guise of Actions and behaviors, gut and instinct (the GRAY area and Subjective). Instead we take EVERY.THING as face value. And that is operating from an eyes wide shut stance. And that has clearly been evidenced to be not working too well for us as a collective.
What are some of these Black/White areas:
(1) The belief that if you sacrifice and move mountains for others to climb you will get it in return – based on feel good words and promises and memes; even if past results have shown it aint so
- The belief that because we have a *RIGHT* to do, say something, or act in certain way that it means there will be no consequences – not looking at the “gray” area and using logic and instinct viewing the whole story or bigger picture.
- The belief that because others do something for another group, that will translate to people doing the same for you – based in expectations and not realities and actions (i.e. the GRAY areas)
- The belief that because you choose to do something, others will do the same – based on the false assumption of good will
- The belief that Perception is not Reality and that everyone is able to look beyond the surface and treat you accordingly – based on believing that people are superhuman capable of always looking beyond what you present to them
- The belief that people are going to care for you and honor you, because it’s done for other groups
- The belief that if you keep doing something that isn’t working, ONE DAY it will work or pay off – based on fantasies that are never grounded in reality
- The belief that all of your problems will fix themselves – based in believing that GOD’s job is to literally walk you through all your choices, decisions and actions even when they go against his will or not based in common sense
- The belief that change is futile and selling out even when changing will benefit you
(10)The belief that some people are just born to suffer and carry burdens while others are meant to thrive – believing permanent victim status is something to be proud of or is honorable
When you are working in the GRAY area though, you use your INTUITION, INCLINATION and INSTINCT to handle the situation as to come out ahead and on top, and not 6 feet under or having a quality of life seeped in suffering.
When you work in the gray area, you do not accept everything as face value. It needs to dissected, prodded and probed before you come to any conclusions. It’s not based in emotion and ill logic and false assumptions. The gray area is the area others don’t want you as a BW to see or move in. because that means you have to look beneath the surface, go by others actions and not words and to use those actions as your guide to protect yourself and stay ahead of the GAME.
The saying goes:
“WHEN SOMEONE SHOWS YOU WHO THEY ARE – BELIEVE THEM”
But what we never hear is:
WHEN YOU SHOW SOMEONE WHO YOU ARE – THEY WILL BELIEVE YOU!
And when BW show everyone that they are willing to fight everyone’s fight with no expectation or demand for reciprocations, when we take on causes that do not benefit us at all, when we present ourselves as SHE WOMEN who can “take on the world and traditional male roles” then we are telling other people to BELIEVE US that this is who we are and what we are proud of.
And when they act accordingly, suddenly we fall back and want to be seen as “vulnerable” as everyone else who DOESN’T ENGAGE in those behaviors.
If BW want to receive the same courtesies, concessions and protections that other women have then BW better start adopting the “WHEN IN ROME!” meme.
When you promote your brand of “WOMANHOOD” as sacrifice without reciprocation, being combative and angry and foul-mouthed, working in ILL-LOGIC, etc., then you are asking people to take those perceptions THAT YOU PUT OUT as reality.
When you show others you have ZERO tolerance for strategy they will act accordingly.
NO MORE BEATING AROUND THE BUSH
Although yall aint stupid, I’m just going to lay it out for you.
All the caping done for the Black man and the Black community that BW do, while seeing little to no return for your sacrifice, says that BW are operating from a standpoint of believing that your good will is the same good will others will return back to you. We do not demand proof of collateral. We just do shit for the sake of it and sit back and *EXPECT* that it will boomerang back to us and catapult us to being loved, honored and cherished.
This belief that we can act a certain way outside of Black settings and get the same results because “we have a right to be us” is proving to not be working so well for us collectively.
There is a saying that Khadija used to say in her blogs writings in how BW should stop “OTHERING” themselves as women (and I’m paraphrasing) but she would say “If you are the only one doing something, it’s probably not the best thing to be doing” something to that affect.
IOW’s, if you are the only race/group of women doing something and other groups of women who are faring better than you don’t engage in those behaviors, then clearly you are the one prolly not doing the right or *SMART* thing to be successful and you are “othering” yourself.
This is not saying don’t be somewhat independent or embrace your individuality, but that means stop doing things that only push you further away from being treated humanely as a woman or receiving the “concessions, courtesies, protections” that other women benefit from as Halima has said.
Mouthing off at cops when you already know you are likely to be man-handled and possibly killed because your humanity is null and void in most of their eyes, manning the front lines in “civil rights demonstrations for BLACK MEN” and getting tear gassed, shot at, arrested and hosed down, PROUDLY declaring that you re STRONG and can handle everything (be you saying it or showing it through your actions), acting in ways that larger society deems undesirable but claiming “too bad I’m Black and gonna keep it real” and then expecting to be treated and viewed in the same way as others not participating in that way of thinking or acting – you are OTHERING yourself Yet expecting to be treated the same way that other women WHO GENERALLY DO NOT ACT LIKE THIS get treated!
Sorry but that aint how it works! Humans do not work that way. Humans work from the standpoint that if someone appears to be embracing of certain behaviors and actions, then they are also embracing of the treatments and perceptions and possible consequences that come along with it. Its common sense!
STRATEGY IS FOR THOSE WHO BELIEVE IN STAYING THE VICTORS
If BW want to remain in victim status, then continue to be strategy-less
BW, We like to believe (and rightfully so as we are human like all others) that we will be treated accordingly by Right and wrong no matter how awry the situation. We like to believe that because it’s written in ink, the law or told to us by others, that it’s so.
In a perfect non-racist society and world, YES this would make sense. But we don’t live in a perfect world. BW have to work from INTUITION, INSTINCT and with EYES WIDE OPEN.
But a lot of times Black women refuse to acknowledge certain realities. Or maybe not refuse to acknowledge, because I believe a lot of BW already know deep down how things are and cannot handle THE TRUTH.
And the TRUTH is, Black women are often dealing in gray areas of life that may not always apply to others on the surface. And need to develop STRATEGIES on how to become the VICTOR and not the VICTIM.
LOOK BENEATH THE SURFACE OF WHAT IS AT FACE VALUE –And you will see that Rabbit hole that awaits you if you do not work in Inclinations, Instinct and Intuition – THE GRAY AREA.