Sorry long ranting and somewhat judgmental post here. But its because I care so much about the younger generations of BW avoiding this toxic baby momma mess we keep finding ourselves in as BW.
Images matter! And it seems BW are hell bent on making sure our image is always that of single baby momma who “don’t need no man”.
As I have always talked about on this blog, I’ve stated that while I am SOOOO for BW expanding and dating out, I’m only for the BW who can do it much better than we have been doing in Black on Black relationships in which we just throw caution to the wind, hope for the best when settle for being baby mommas and nothing more.
As we have and other BW writers have discussed, BW are bringing baby momma baggage to the IR arena, further sending the message and image that it doesn’t take much to secure our vaginas and wombs.
How are we going to sit and complain that BM are half the problem and then bring that same problem into another segment that BM have nothing to do with? Who can we blame then? Are BW the least married because BM refuse to marry or because we REFUSE to demand more for ourselves with any man?
Its easy to blame BM now, but if we bring this baby momma nonsense into the IR arena, who are we going to blame then? NON BM? NON BM who historically *will* and do marry the women who demand such and who value themselves enough to not just pop out babies for them just cause she wound up preggers.
I mean eventually it will start to show the ones with problem are the ones who keep making these bad decisions to be baby mommas. Are we going to start calling Non BM of these baby momma situations dead beats as well?
Who do you think the world is going to believe? The woman who keeps making horrible decisions REGARDLESS of the race of man or the men? I can tell you in a patriarchal society the woman (especially the BLACK WOMAN) will always take the blame. And good luck trying to demolish the images of White and Non Black men baby daddies. You think its hard trying to get sympathy for what BM do to BW, think again if you will get it from larger society by blaming the non BM. All society will do is label BW who can’t make decent choices in men no matter the race and other communities will warn their sons to avoid BW who will “ruin their lives with a baby”.
Because if I were a mother of a son with potential and I saw a segment of a race of women who indiscriminately had children, I would warn my son to avoid those women as to not be tied down for the rest of his life with a child by a woman he may have just been casually dating or having sex with, but not one he has chosen to spend his life with.
I’m telling y’all what will happen if BW do NOT shape up and start making better choices. The blame will FALL ON YOU. BW will be marked and people (healthy parents) will tell their sons of quality to avoid us like the plague because we just have kids and will ruin his life and future.
Call me judgmental. YEP! Everyone gets judged all day everyday for many different reasons.
I want YOUNG generation of BW to do better for themselves. To have a higher value of themselves as women and their bodies. YEP! And if that means dissecting the current crop of BW making these choices then so be it. You can’t improve upon something without examples of what isn’t working.
Its PAINFUL to watch so many BW with potential to secure high quality relationships, stable family units, to settle for the same ole same ole.
And here we have a beautiful BW actress (who is 36) Tika Sumpter, who is now preggers with a White co stars baby.
Of course she is not married, and I’m even questioning if there is even any or ever “relationship” other than casual sex they were having due to possibly working together and having some attraction. I say this because usually when people are dating (in NORMAL DATING RELATIONSHIPS) you will see them together in outings and such showing that they are in a relationship. I mean some kid of mention from either party.
Tika has been in the spotlight as she has secured some popular films (like Ride along) and in all photos of her she is never seen with this baby daddy although she says they were dating for a year and a half. I doubt it. They were most likely SLEEPING TOGETHER and she ended up pregnant. Because like I said, in normal relationships when two people are dating (yes even celebs) you at SOME POINT see them out together.
Like so many BW, we just throw caution to the wind and allow any just any male to claim our wombs with not much commitment if any.
Its a hard pill to swallow and its even harder to watch so many BW make these horrible decisions that just keep setting themselves back.
Never have I seen her or this guy together at any premiers, never have I seen him holding her or her hand, never have I seen him in ANY relationship pictures with her.
One visit to her Instagram and you see NO, NONE, NADA, ZIP, ZERO pics of them together in any loving type photos let alone ANY photos. There are NO photos of him AT ALL! How is this healthy and normal for a pregnant woman to not have showings of the man that supposedly loves her and is going to be the father of her child?
Do y’all see what i am getting at??
Don’t come at me with this “well they want a private relationship”. Whatever! The fact is there is no relationship no matter how she tries to spin it! You don’t have to have boat loads of pics of you and your hunny but one or two just to show the man who loves you and is going to be the father of your child?
You see why we BW stay othered? Most other races of women RELISH in being loved and adored by their S/O and love showing at least something of significance about their relationship even if its just a loving photo of her and her beau together.
Here Tika is all kinds of preggers taking pregger photos and such BY HERSELF holding her own tummy.
Why do women look at pregnancy as just some thing to do. This is a moment when a woman should have a man holding her, showing affection, showing adoration of the life he helped create. I mean come on sistas!
Yet what you will see is the typical “don’t judge live your life the way you want” feel good talk from her and the scores of confused and lost BW high giving, praising and telling her what a blessing a baby is and do her.
Yes every woman has a right to “do her” and make whatever choices she wishes for her life.
But what BUGS me, is this idea that this is some shit to be celebrated. Young BW look at this nonsense and believe that just having babies with no ring, no commitment is just a “blessing” and her choice. But do they ultimately see the consequence for mom and more so for BABY growing up in a single parent home with MAYBE a father who decides to be apart of the babies life?
She claims a marriage doesn’t define her relationship. YADA YADA. Relationship? Is there one? I see no pics of them together. He has made no mention of her or his upcoming “bundle of joy” on his social media accounts. This is just some typical BS and I’m tired of BW settling for this!
This is the typical rubbish that baby mommas spew when they realize their relationship with the father is just a casual dating or casual sexual relationship that will not go any further.
When this guys career takes off is he going to marry her? Or will he do like most men do, when they get some coins and success, and run off and marry the woman the world cherishes or the woman who cherishes herself enough to know her worth and make him PROVE he is worthy of her love, respect and LIFE and future child? The latter you better believe it!
Do BW not look at their own communities and see what single parenthood has cultivated in our culture?
its like we just don’t care to make any kind of changes for the better.
Do they not see how these IMAGES MATTER.
But here is the painful and really hard part that so many BW like her face.
She is trying to save face in interviews by saying she wanted to keep him the baby daddy “underwraps” and a secret to avoid judgements etc. yada yada.
WHAT healthy woman in her right mind would not want to be in the presence of the man of her future child? What healthy woman would not want to be shown being loved and adored by the man she is having a child for? What healthy woman would not want the world to see the man who is committed to her and who will be helping her to raise their child?
And this mofo is GOOD LOOKING AT THAT! You better belie if the relationship were on the up and up she’d have shown him off to the world. Nothing wrong with that.
SERIOUSLY! This is the nonsense that BW keep falling for and promoting and praising. And it sends a huge message to the masses that we are unlovable and ok with that. That we don’t care about partnerships, solid relationships and love. That we just settle for having kids and hope and pray for the best with the father. And another message we are sending is to quality men of the wold who come from families that believe in marriage and commitment is that we are just SIDE CHICKS to be had until he finds a woman “more worthy” to marry and build a family with.
Is this what BW want to be seen as? We are working really hard to ensure this based on our actions and unwillingness to HONESTLY address this issue of baby mommism and how it is NOT A GOOD LOOK or good choice for women who are already struggling with images about their womanhood and worth.
That same ole strong BW “I don’t need no man” tripe that we have been plagued with from the beginning of time!
THIS is painful to watch as a BW. I get it. Many BW who are past prime and who want kids and may not have found husbands or husband like material struggle with wanting biological kids and such. I was one such woman for a minute. But I always stuck to my guns that if I did not find a quality compatible mate to marry me, I’m just going to have to suck it up and say it wasn’t meant for me to have children and life goes on.
Too many BW think selfishly. That because *SHE* wants a baby, then that is all that matters and she will find a man who will give her one by any means necessary whether or not the relationship is even stable or even if the relationship has a solid future to stand on for the child.
This is a LIFE you are bringing into this world! A life you will have to raise mentally and emotionally. It is *NOT* easy for any one to raise a child alone whether you have money and resources or NOT. because raising a child is not simply about money and resources but providing the best emotional and mental stability so they can grow into healthy adults who make the best decisions for their life.
The truth is the reason she kept quiet about it is MOST LIEKLY because they are not together, he has no intentions on marrying her, or he is not all that excited. Of course these are just assumptions on my part. But let’s look at the real tale tale of this.
Most women are all too excited to be seen with and announcing their future child with hubby or baby daddy. No woman wants to *HIDE* who the father of her child is unless there is something not so right in the relationship.
Sometimes I look at sisters and sometimes its like watching a train wreck. What real positive role models do YOUNG up and coming BW have to make the best choices for themselves?
What and who is giving young BW the message that WE ARE VALUABLE and we are more than our vaginas an wombs? And that any man that wants US or a piece of us let a lone a DAMN CHILD from us, will have to prove his worth, his LOVE and adoration for us as a woman before he gets any of this?
Who is telling BW this!?
THIS is what smart savvy women do. They understand their worth and power as women and understand that pro creation is not simply just to be done JUST because. It should mean we take serious consideration for the child’s well being, future, OUR well being and future.
PICK up a fin RULES BOOK for crying out loud sistas!
I’m just done….