There is no end to their desperation

Halima also did a post on this, so i was not the only person who caught a wiff of the shit they are selling to society about Black womanhood.








Can you spot the BLATANT yet subliminal depiction in these posters?


This is so blatant its not even funny. This is what American society wants to keep pushing of Black women.






Is there that much fear of the 6% of Black women in this country being deemed as anything other than feminine women?


Jesus. This is sad.


But yall know what to do. ;)


Either way I don’t fret. As with all things, in due time, the grave others dig for you just may be their own. ;)



Sorry to the good LADIES  in the audience who come here to read uplifting posts and not DRAMA…..but I need to nip something in the bud b/c I have some crazies trying to start mess with me.

So I’m interrupting your regularly scheduled program.

for those of you who keep posting comments (that keep getting tossed in the TRASH BIN) (you know who you  are) coming to this here blog with your DRAMA and attempts at BULLYING you better keep it moving. I’m a grown busy woman with ZERO time for your high school drama antics and egos.

if you have a problem with what I write, go to your own BLOG (and take your gaggle of trouble making geese with you!)  and hate on Neecy and Neecys Nest  all you want – cause I can give ZERO bleeps about how any if you feel about me or my writing or blog!

BUT YOU WILL NOT disrupt my blog with your petty nonsense and drama.   Do  yourselves a favor (you know who you are) – SAVE your keystrokes because every one of your comments are being TRASHED!

I  am not returning to high school BS nor putting up with your  or your GAGGLE OF GEESE and their mean girl bullying shenanigans.

if you have a problem with something I’ve written, ACT LIKE AN ADULT WITH SOME RESPECT and email me directly.   DO NOT disrupt my posts and comments section with your nonsense.

*drops mike*


***I know I am dropping these posts like crazy, but i don’t want to lose my momentum. LOL I  was going to try to post each concept one week at a time, but I tend to have busy things going on in my life and stuff pops up, so  while I have the time to post I want to do it.*******

You’re traveling down the highway and you come upon a fork in the road. You have a choice to take 1 of 2 routes yielding to the left or right.

The left route says:

“The road to STRUGGLE: drama, pain, stress, difficulty, burdens, faltering and negativity”

The right route says:

“The road to PROSPERITY: happiness, growth, progress, thriving, flourishing, confidence, reciprocity”

Which route do you take?

If I asked this question to any BW, I guarantee many would say the right side. Of course you would because it sounds good and that is what ANYONE would expect you to say. But if I looked at your life or rather, if you looked at your own life, could you honestly say that you have taken that road, despite SAYING that is the route you would take???

I would wager a lot of BW happily take the left route. No. I don’t need to wager that. I can SEE with my own eyes a lot of BW freely choose the left route. That is because to some BW, they believe their lot in life is down the road of the left route of STRUGGLE.

I see it all day everyday. Online and offline. BW making choices that clearly state that they are NOT looking to simplify their lives and believe that the BW’s sole purpose is to take on the journey of STRUGGLE and PAIN because “WE’RE STRONG AND CAN HANDLE IT”.

Voluntary Struggle, Pain and burden aint cute. It doesn’t make people flock to you (unless they need to dump their loads onto you), and doesn’t make you a great catch in the love and dating arena. So just stop. You are not winning any plaques for it Black women!

In fact, so many BW are proud of struggle and pain they wear it like a BADGE of honor.


  • Fighting the battles that men should be fighting
  • Bringing children into this world without a stable male partner who hasnt committed to her and raising his children
  • Defeatist attitudes about her personhood (i.e. skin color, hair texture, etc)
  • Sabotaging herself and the collective of BW with behaviors that push herself and the collective image of BW into the gutter
  • Not having boundaries
  • Trying to save everyone who hasn’t lifted a pinky finger to help her
  • Engaging in “othering” behaviors that make BW outcasts
  • Cutting off her supply line of potential love, dating, and marriage candidates for one group of men
  • Looking for validation in places and people where she will never find it

I can go on.. And I think many of you would also agree that a lot of BW today take the left route because they don’t believe they are “worthy” of the right route.

Well I nor anyone can make you believe you are worthy of anything if you choose not to see your worth.

But for the sake of this post, I am trying to reach the BW who GET it, but haven’t really had anyone to tell them HOW to pull themselves from the Matrix magnet trying to drag her to the left route of STRUGGLE and PAIN.

And that tornado, that magnet really consists of people that YOU as a BW keep allowing playing very big parts in your life, even when they are dragging you down that road and you’re trying to get to the right side of the road.


You say:

“Neecy! Every week I turn around there is some study, survey, essay, or something basically telling me as a BW that I am simply not worth a damn!”


“Neecy! This world worships white and light skin!”


“Neecy! Black men _________________ (fill in the Blank)”




I say. Yep! You are right. We as BW face a whole lotta shit that the average woman of any other race doesn’t have to deal with. In fact we take on the EXTRA double whammy of not just gender sexism BUT RACISM as well.

And I say YEP you can still have a care-free life. You can have a simplified easy going life – IF YOU SO CHOOSE.

And it doesn’t START with focusing and putting all your attentions on the things you CANNOT change. It starts, it begins it becomes EFFECTIVE when you start by working on the things you CAN change.

I have a saying, “I don’t do crazy”. That means the minute I realize a person, place, or thing has proven itself to be IGNORANT and STUPID, I laugh at it or them and keep it moving.

So yes, everyone is trying to make their lives easier. Some people do it by trying to make other people’s lives hell and filled with emotional turmoil, some do it by trying to keep others BENEATH THEM. And if they win your MIND, they have everything else and you will stay beneath them.

But guess what? You can make your life easy and theirs hell by not even having to address or say or do anything to them. That’s the beauty.

And you do that by living well. The best revenge is LIVING WELL.

But yall aint even trying to do that!


Look I get it. BW come from a community where very little effort is put into nurturing the mental and emotional and physical well-being of the women and girls. All the love and support goes to men – trifling losers and not.

Going back to the idea of TRUTH in the previous topic. We already know what some of the truths are facing BW in this world.

  • Racism
  • Sexism
  • Classism
  • Colorism

While not all BW have experienced all of these things, I’m guessing at some point we have either experienced it or seen it play out. So with knowing all of these things, instead of BW figuring out ways to work around the issues that we can and cannot control, we instead keep inviting drama, heartache, stress, burdens, people, and things in our lives who just make things more difficult. And sometimes it’s no one else BUT OURSELVES keeping us from living the most abundant EASIEST life as possible.

I mean if you are already dealing with some stacked odds against you, wouldn’t it make sense to do as much as HUMANLEY POSSIBLE to ease the pain and stress in your life??? Why keep adding onto these odds?

We continue to self and collectively sabotage our potential and growth as women carrying around unnecessary baggage. Baggage that if you really look at it, is something we can relinquish from our individual lives through our MIND SET and willingness to MOVE forward and stop staying stuck in the quick sand pulling you further and further down mentally and emotionally.


Just accept it. Once you do, you kick into survival mode and start literally living your life to where you try to avoid as much dysfunction and stress & nonsense as possible. Once you realize there is no one to pull you out other than yourself, you are much more aware of the things you need to do to stay thriving and NOT LOSING and not having to wait on a Calvary.

I have a good friend. This girl is amazing. She just manages to do so many things to thrive as a person and in her life. She’s just a regular girl who came from a regular background like most people. And I asked her why she is so determined and manages to keep herself and life on the RIGHT route – and she says “Because I have no one to fall back on if something happens to me and I don’t make the right moves”.

And that is how people who know they don’t have back up do. They either take the sink or swim approach. It’s like their survival skills kick in and they get isht done OR they start whining and complaining and feeling sorry for themselves by comparing themselves to others who they feel have it better than they do and completely just fall by the wayside never managing to stay or get ahead..

If BW have not figured out by now that there is no Calvary looking to save you, No group of men of ANY RACE looking to save you, NO ONE is looking to save us, then it would make sense to me that you would do everything possible in YOUR LIFE and within your control to make your life as EASY and simplified and stress free as possible.

You should and would only be seeking people who will come to your rescue in time of need. Not people who are sucking the life out of you and then leaving you to die on the pavement once they’ve gotten what they want from you.

Have you ever been around anyone where it was just EXHAUSTING to even be in their presence? Think about the things they did that made you want to run as far away as possible from them.

Instead of simplifying and making our lives as easy as possible so we can be the types of women people want to be with and around, what do BW do?

We continue to do EVERYTHING that works against that and us. We do everything possible to make our lives as difficult as possible. It’s like we walk around with a sign that says “BURDENS, STRUGGLE, PAIN AND STRESS – I WELCOME YOU!!”


  • STAY NEUTRAL. Not your girl Friday ( does a great post on this concept. Too many BW get caught up in other people’s mess. A lot of times you just gotta stay neutral and sit still. But we’re always so quick to REACT even when it’s not our issue or in our best interest.


  • Be STEALTHY & CALCULATING. Its ok. Everyone else is! That’s how they stay ahead and winning.
  • STAY AWAY FROM SOUL CRUSHING PLACES ONLINE Stop going to places (the internet) that steal your joy and eat away at your soul (oh look who’s talking Neecy!!!). Yes I frequented some places that would make me crazy. Then I thought, why not spend your energies in more uplifting places (like your own damn blog) and stop with the nonsense NEECY. Well I am telling you its freeing when you do this ladies. There is a lot of anti BW stuff in cyberspace and you HAVE TO do yourself the justice of avoiding it. It will kill your soul and keep your mind in a forever state of LOSING.
  • VET VET VET. Learn the art of VETTING the men and people in your life. Progressive women don’t get caught up in the words of men. It’s all about ACTION. Never listen to what a man says but rather what he does. Men can say all kinds of things. But any man who truly wants to keep you in his life, will MAKE SURE YOU KNOW by not words but his actions.

And that is how he treats you and appreciates you and mostly LETS the people in his life know how much he loves and appreciates you. Any man who is unwilling to share the personal part of his life that includes family and friends – doesn’t like or love you. He’s just dealing with you until the one he really wants comes along.

  • SEEK THREAPY IF YOU NEED IT. Stop announcing all your issues to the world and online – SEEK THERAPY in a private professional setting. Stop going on public forums, talk shows and telling the world your plight as a Black woman. It takes your brand down and makes you truly look inferior. Once your brand is tarnished as having always been associated with PAIN, STRUGGLE, BURDENS, and/or INFERIORITY people run from you because they don’t want that rubbing off in their own lives. That stuff is contagious.
  • BOUNDARIES. Learn the concept of having boundaries. See above.
  • DO NOT HAVE OOW KIDS. I don’t care if it’s the cool thing to do now. Progressive care free living women do not go through child birth for ANY MAN unwilling to look her, his family and your family and all your friends in the face and say “I LOVE THIS WOMAN” so much so that I am making a FORMAL commitment to her by marrying her and saying I am in it for the long haul.

  • STOP THE MAMMYING. Stop MAMMYING for everyone. There’s no Calvary caping for you! If no one is rescuing you especially after all the rescuing and caping you do for everyone, then it’s probably a good idea to just mind ya business and stay neutral when others are going through their stuff. In fact, people develop more respect for people who show they aren’t so easily available to everyone.
  • VALIDATION SEEKING MAKES YOU POWERLESS .Do not look for validation in groups of people, groups of men or things where you obviously won’t get it – This makes you EXTREMELY VULNERABLE and gives them all the power. I understand that its human nature to want to be validated in some ways. Its ok. Just don’t go looking for it in obvious places where you won’t get it. I see so many BW just looking for validation from men or things and they stay loosing b/c of that. No man wants a desperate and easy catch. They will use you until a more “valuable” woman in their eyes comes along. You should only be seeking validation from those IN-DI-VID-U-ALS in your life who have proven to care about you and reciprocate and encourage you to be a better person.
  • PLAY THE GAME/POLITICS. Learn how to play the game others are playing. That can be in your work life and personal life. If you see everyone doing one thing and you keep being determined to do something else, you are probably “othering” yourself. I am not saying don’t be unique and independent. But too many times BW engage in “OTHERING” behaviors that ultimately, push you ten steps back and allow all other women to skip ahead of you in the line. Or in the workforce, it makes you a target when you do not always play the game and politics that everyone else is playing.
  • INSECURITIES ARE NORMAL – BUT NO ONE NEEDS TO HEAR ABOUT THEM ALL THE TIME. If you have to pretend everyday you are happy and well-adjusted you do that until you reach that point in your life. The more down and out you appear and talk, the further people want to be away from you. The only people who want to be around insecure people are SOCIOPATHS who live and die by the rule of using and getting over on people and women who are insecure.
  • WHAT GIVES YOU THAT WARM & FUZZY ON THE INSIDE? Find things that bring out the best in you. For me, it’s make up and beauty stuff. Not because I am vain, but because I love the idea of taking care of myself and looking and feeling my best. It’s also being out with friends in social setting and laughing.
  • Find yours. This will help you cultivate and enhance your best features and brings out your personality.
  • INNER CIRCLE. Only surround yourself with people who are constantly encouraging you to be better. People who are thriving, flourishing and doing their best. No OPTIONS.



*here’s a hard truth. I  *really* don’t know what the hell nuanced means yet. But I’ve looked up the definition, used it in a couple senstences and have a pretty creative brain. So I am going to use the term and concept of nuances in the post. The  HARD truth is, I may use it in the wrong context and if I do, hopefully someone out there can guide me LOL to the correct way of using it. I think. I’ve got it though. But not 100% sure*


I have had many kinds of job in many different industries. One industry I want to use as a creative illustration of what I am getting at in this part of the series of TRUTH, is sales. I want to compare and contrast as to how it relates to what BW are going through in the dating arena.




Most people do not know exactly much about what a sales representative or sales person does other than harass you to buy something they are selling (lol). But there are so many different functions that go into being a professional business sales rep. And there is an actual FORMULA to being a successful sales rep even in the face of uncertainty (i.e nothing is final in sales until you actually get a YES and some ACTION towards buying the product/service you are selling).




In sales, you have products and services. And one thing you will always have in sales, the driving force behind sales is COMPETITION. Almost any product or service has some sort of competition. You may be selling a product or service that has very low market share compared to a competitor or competitor(s) who have much bigger market share than your product.




There are a number of reasons why a competitor may have more market share than your product.

  • They could have better financial backing; which means more advertising and marketing dollars are spent promoting the product and service to people, therefore reaching a larger audience and ultimately gaining a large percentage of the targets reached
  • The product may come from a company that has been around for years and where many people feel safer in doing business with a more stable company
  • The competitor’s product may have put more $$ and such behind developing the product giving it a better advantage than a smaller company without the $$ or resources to create the best product out there
  • The product can satisfy the needs of the larger market because of its ability to produce its output due to the company’s resources to create and push out more to satisfy the market



So think of this in terms of BW and our “PRODUCT”. We are the underdog small market share product (WOMEN) trying to compete against the same product – WOMEN (of other races) for some market share in the love, marriage, dating arena.


Right now, the market share belongs to Non-Black women, by SHEER numbers and because they belong to the most powerful groups of men in the world. Our product is just as good in many cases, but we do not have the NUMBERS, marketing, promotional dollars and backing or power compared to our competitors to really take much of the market share. The competitor can even use much of their resources to pull out our products not so great attributes. We can do the same, but it will not have the same impact because of our lack of power, resources and finances to do such.




And that is OK! Because usually what a smart salesperson does who knows where they stand in terms of the competition, they will adjust and strategize a way to make the best and most impact they can with the product they have.




In many cases if you cannot affect the larger market share of your competitor, you can still chip away at it and gain a great percentage of it based on your potential and need. But you also have to have a majority of the same valuable qualities as your competitor to EVEN compete in the first place. Being a woman alone is not enough. And because your product is smaller, you have to work much harder to prove its worth to the market.




You do not NEED the entire market to buy your product to be successful. All you need is to get enough people to see the value in your product and give you their business over the competitor. But always be mindful, these people can easily go to a much easier to obtain competitor if your product doesn’t deliver or if your product is causing too much STRESS or isn’t serving the purpose the intended party bought it for.



Because no large competitor with a great deal of market share owns ALL OF THE MARKET – you can get in where you fit in (if you play your cards right).




So. In essence. If you are a “underdog” product with a very small chance of owning the greater market share (just by the reality that you do not have the financial backing to compete with larger competitors with more $$ and resources and power), you will find your NICHE and get in where you fit in.



This is something and a secret I learned in a job where I was selling a medication that had more and larger well known competitors on the market. These other two competitors put together owned over 75% – 80% of the market. When I first started that job, I was trying to get every doctor to write my product over their product. I wanted them to VALIDATE my product over the competitors. *UHM NO BOO BOO!*




And many of them wouldn’t because they (1) had more experience with the other product (2) had a more developed relationship with the reps of the other products (3) were reluctant to try something new that had not be proven for as long as the competitors (4) because the competitors did a great job of pointing out the “supposed superiority” of their product over mine. And I found I was running into a dead end taking this route. However, there was some problems that came along with the competitors product, where my product didn’t have.




And so I finally figured it out. To be successful, I have to promote the uniqueness and VALUE of my product as opposed to trying to steal all of the market share from my competitors. And my product HAD TO DELIVER on that value. And because it did deliver, and I built credibility and trust with my customers, they began being loyal to my product, writing it, promoting it to their patients, and even recommending to others doctors. WORD OF MOUTH! And I made GOOD money selling a product that only had maybe 5-10% of the market, but was growing more and more. BUT, I was never so silly as to believe, that my product was going to steal all or even MOST of the competitors share.




So I started positioning my product as such. I focused on the QUALITY, EFFICACY, EFFICIENCY and lack of side effects my product had. I didn’t BASH the competition. Because when you bash the competition, that means you really can’t stand on your own value and have to try to take their value to win. And no one likes to deal with people who cannot see or sell the value of their own product vs. always bashing and putting down the competition.




No one likes or does business with sales people or reps who BEG, whine, run guilt trips on the consumer for not giving them a chance, complain when they do not get their way or get the sale.




No one does business with a “messy” rep or product who is going to bring their business down and cause strain and stress.




No one wants to do business with messy people. If your product is messy, full of problems, and can’t deliver based on the quality they are looking for, you will lose out to the competition. And not only that, once word of mouth gets around that your product is not worth the time or trouble or stress (after people have had issues with it) YOU’RE DONE!




Especially if there are plenty other same type products out there that they can pick from and get pretty much the results they want. When this happens, you lose all credibility, your products reputation is shot and it’s a wrap. Chapter 7 – BANKRUPTCY. Get to filing. No one wants to do business with you!


Here’s the deal BW. You are not going to be validated by the larger global society. You better have on you’re A GAME if you want to stay winning and want your product to grow or maintain a solid position in the market. White skinned people of the world – They have a product that keeps them in power (their race of women who give birth to the very image and people who are in power).




That means instead of crying about how the bigger competition is always winning, spend you energy focusing on selling YOUR UNIQUE PRODUCT to the niche market that will buy and validate it. BUT MAKE SURE, when you start promoting it, that it’s UP TO SPEED to the market, because you only get one chance when you are the small dog on the porch. The big dogs are bigger and plentiful and will squash you out, if you do not come with your A game.




And what you will find and need to accept and be SATISFIED WITH, is – that person (i.e MAN) that choose s to buy your unique underdog small market share having product (YOU – and entering into a relationship with you), will be the only person to validate you.




And you need to be completely satisfied with that because you will NOT get global validation from the larger market because you just do not have the numbers, resources to sustain the larger markets need for sex, relationships (i.e NON BM NEED NON BW simply because of their numbers. BW do not have enough numbers to even sustain these men even if all of them one day woke up and said they wanted a BW.). These Non BM would be FOOLISH to forgo the certainty of this long standing well-resourced and financed product (NON BW) in the name of going for one that cannot sustain them.




THAT MEANS, that you will never get the same marketing and promotion that your powerful competitor with larger numbers will get. Your product is too unique and small to get the same marketing and promotion. And until your product gets the backing financially and resource wise to compete on that greater scale, you need to be satisfied with the niche smaller market you have and stop seeking the impossible.




In laymen’s terms – BW’s beauty will not suddenly appear on every billboard, TV show, magazine etc. Dark skin will not be the new standard EVER unless dark skinned people worldwide suddenly create infrastructures to compete on a global level. All people who resemble closest to the bigger competition (white skinned peoples) with more power and influence will be highly valued because its human nature want to go where the resources and power flows to sustain people.




Dark skinned peoples of the world cannot sustain themselves in this world, let alone someone else. However, the white skinned peoples are keeping everyone FED. And that is who will be valued – the people who look closest to them. That is the world you and I live in now. Who knows. Maybe the in the previous world or next world it will be the other way around. That is of NO CONCERN to us. We gotta live and maintain in THIS CURRENT world.




Men in droves will not suddenly start seeing BW as the standard. It doesn’t even make sense when you look at it from a numbers perspective – they’d be STOOPID to cut off their noses to spite their faces. That is because the most powerful groups of women come from men and races who for centuries have created a structure, infrastructures, power and influence to SUSTAIN themselves and NOT YOU.




No one is looking to put another group before their own. All people in power are working to keep and hold onto that power. So you will never get the same validation, marketing and promotion beauty wise that Non Black women do. And you need to be completely satisfied with that and understand it.




And that will not change (at least not now) in this world unless Black people suddenly and miraculously become the most powerful group in the world. And we all know this will never happen because we have had ample chances to make this happen and the men of our race have squandered it EVERY.SINGLE. TIME for their own personal gain and at the expense of its race, culture and women.




So get used to it! Get used to colorism in the global arena where White skinned women (who come from the most powerful groups worldwide) will maintain the status quo in terms of standards of beauty and where everyone else who wants a piece of the resources, influence and power will value and promote anything closest to those who have it.




You can keep trying to peddle your product to the masses and trying to force them to accept and promote you over the product that has more numbers, more financial backing, more resources and who can sustain the larger market, OR you can accept the HARD TRUTHS (Black people simply do not have the power, influence and structures to compete) and get your product in where it fits in.




Find its niche market that wants to do business with you because they see the value in you. And to do so without looking bitter and whining about the competition and how it’s not fair or right that everything caters to them and more people are buying their product.




That’s the way TIT-IS and you will not change it by complaining, crying , whining, trying to figure out ways around it.




The NUANCE here is you can be successful with your product, if you accept the truth about where it stands in the market and use that to strategically find the customers that see the value in your uniqueness and be SATISFIED with those loyal smaller market of customers instead of always looking to the bigger market where you don’t have the resources to compete and satisfy the need.




In every big general picture is a nuance. BW need to understand and embrace nuances because those are the little things that I call “getting thrown a bone” while being a toy poodle in a dog fight with a pit bull. That is how today even in spite of the bigger picture of racism, lack of power and infrastructure, I , you, we can still get educated, get as much resources as possible, live as good or as bad as we choose, and pretty much freely move about the cabin as we see fit.




That’s the nuance in this – there are enough people who are working against racism that it benefits the powerless (BW) to get a piece of that big pie. But you aint going to get the whole or even half of the pie – so just accept it. Take the small piece and make it work. If you squander the small piece of the pie you have, you are going to have a very very tough time creating a new slice for yourself.




The jagged pill is the hard truth, and the nuance is there’s water to help it go down a bit easier if you choose to find it and drink it.



And that’s THE TRUTH.


Next up ————–> Don’t  Stay Losing: EMBRACE SIMPLICITY


You all should thank GOD for the talk he had with me. It went like this.

ME: OOOH I have an idea for a post. And I’m going to talk about this concept, this concept, and this concept and this concept!! YIPEE! It’ll be like War and Peace II!

GOD: 😁😳😫😫😫😫*JESUS MY SON – PLEASE BE A FENCE!* Go down there and stop her. We cannot allow her to punish the good audience of Neecy’s nest with another one of her Pultzer Prize winning writings the length of War and Peace with a ton of different ideas and concepts. Pleae my son. teach her the art of PARTS. 🙏

JESUS: ✋ Neecy, pops asked me to ask you to embrace Parts.

NEECY: Jesus please be clear, I don’t understand? I mean I keep the parts in my sisterlocks very neat?

JESUS: 😫BREAK.IT.UP. In Parts! YOUR POST? *smile head rub* Now I must go but heed thyne words of the father, son and holy spirit. No more war and peace – well at least with 50 different concepots. M’kay my child?

NEECY: Yes Mah Lord.

So yall are going to get a SERIES. A series on how to not stay losing!  And I’m going to break it up in parts!

Remember, I didn’t say i wasn’t going to write war abnd peace. i just said i wasn’t going to do it with a billion different concepts within one novel.


So I have had A LOT on my mind in regards to things I want to say to BW. And that’s because I am TRULY concerned about the things I am seeing. I am not concerned because I feel it will interfere with my own personal life – because for the most part, I have my mind right. NO. I am not perfect. But I seem to have grasped the necessities of living well and where that starts – WITHIN MYSELF AND MY MIND.

But I am concerned because if BW do not sit still for a minute and listen to the Universe, GOD or whatever it is that keeps one in mental and spiritual soundness, we are going to dig ourselves deeper into the rabbit hole.

I am not perfect. Nor have I always made the right decisions. And there have been a lot of times in my own life where I had to dish out the thought love to myself and tell myself “SIT STILL GIRL – JUST SIT YOUR BEHIND STILL!” And when you sit still what happens? You have time to clear your head, THINK, you have time to ASSESS, you have time to REFLECT. And when you are in tune with yourself and doing these things, you start to see what and who’s around you . You begin to see clearly where you are in your life. You begin to just see clearly, because you are NOT MOVING. And once you sit still long enough, gather your thoughts, your surroundings etc., then you can make moves STRATEGICALLY to improve your situation or just your life in general.

Sometimes we just gotta SIT STILL!

But I fear that if BW don’t drop some of these self and collective sabotaging behaviors they are bringing into the global arena, that will be the final nail in the coffin. We will have no more CHANCES to correct and fix our mess because by then, no one will want to deal with us or take us seriously because we will have ruined ourselves and reputations as women so much, that we’d have nowhere else to go.

I am going to do a series on how to avoid staying losing. I am going to break it up in parts. There will be some hard truths. It will be in a GOOD NEWS, BAD NEWS scenario. Because for every general big picture TRUTH, there are smaller nuances that can make that hard truth maybe not such a hard truth for YOUR PERSONAL individual life.

I would love nothing more than to make post after post telling BW about all the great potential we have out there, how things are going to be better and happy happy joy joy. But you don’t just get to happy joy joy all the time without WORK, REFLECTION, and SELF IMPROVEMENT.

Many of the readers who actually post here _ GET IT. But who knows. Maybe there are lurkers or some BW who are participating in self sabotaging behaviors and thinking who may stumble across the blog and this message can help them see the light.

So bear with me and if you truly are super sensitive to hearing some hard truths, then I can understand and I ask that maybe you should avoid reading this series. But I’m still going to put it out there, because honestly no one is going to tell BW these things because these things lead to IMPROVEMENT for BW.

And no one is trying to see BW improve except other BW who have a dog in the fight. I’m gonna tell you like your momma or grandmamma would tell you – with love, but with some tough love mixed in. And it’s truly to get BW to see and learn and understand the ROOTS of this, so we can move the heck on with our lives as women.

Because the site is about PROGRESSING, you cannot progress without knowing where you came from (your roots), where you are now (where your seed is currently planted) and where you are going (you will either falter and wither away or continue to maintain and grow).

The how to avoid staying losing series will cover in this particular order:






And because of my *NOT SO* Pultzer Prize winning writing and sporadic ADD (lol) the terms and concepts can change as I am writing. So those concepts are a starting point, but could change throughout the series.

NEXT UP ——-> Don’t stay losing: TRUTHS

Yall better Stop that crying and get yourself a smokey Eye!💃

Put those tissues down! 🙍😢😢😢Yall better pick up some make up sponges and SOP them tears up!! 😢😭😒😌😊☺️😄. Do something fun for yourself and. subscrie to a BW’s beauty you tube page. 💅💇💆💄💋

My fav is Miss Creative Diva  – and she  is NOT crying over spoiled azz milk! She’s too busy getting dolled up while  yall are crying over some nonsense.

She’s a doll and I think would be a great make up inspiration to all women of color especially the chocolate sisters out there needing some good tutorials on playing in colors and such that enhance your beauty and features. There are MANY out there, this is just one that I subscribe to and like.

I don’t know about YOU but I’m RET TA GO in 2015. 💃You can join me on this journey or stay on over in colorism-ville crying your eyes out, while the rest of us are learning how to get dolled up and apply a MEAN smokey eye!

Progressiveness in 2015.

So Shake off the chains of Black people’s nonsense and GET TER DONE!

You can choose to LIVE IN SPITE OF…. Or DIE based on……

And if all else fails and you just need a pick me up or SERIOUS laugh out loud,  you can always watch this quickie

LMAO!!!! 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂


You know what? I’m just going to lay it all out for yall.


I am not going to go into the history of colorism and the Black community and how it affects BW. I consider my site to be about progressiveness and progressiveness is NOT sitting around still talking about Black people’s nonsense when you are able and willing to remove yourself from that and step into the global arena where most people could care less if you are dark or “light skinnded”. It’s a dead horse that has been more than beaten to death, because Black people have not done much about it. All BW keep doing is saying “we gots ta talk bout this colorism thing”.


You know what? Talking aint getting yall any closer to loving yourselves and ridding yourselves of this colorism nonsense perpetuated by ignorant Black people. In fact, it’s just making you more bitter, more exhausting to deal with as women.


I believe many BW keep talking about colorism because they want those very same BM and people who make them feel inferior to suddenly come and ride in on their horses (you know that Calvary I keep telling yall that does not exist for BW????) and save and rescue them from their feelings of inferiority and suddenly tell them they are the most beautiful creatures alive and those light skinned women are the DEBIL! And then and only then will some of yall BW feel worthy and valuable and able to go on with your lives as ADULTS should.




If you want rid yourself of this colorism nonsense – then DO IT. Understand BW and people have been TALKING about it for centuries and guess what – it’s still here! You want to actually DO SOMETHING? Stop the crying, the documentaries, the round table discussions and actually do something for yourself that will help you LOVE yourself and stop seeking validation from a community that has and NEVER WILL give it to you!


Now yall are looking for NON BM to save and rescue you.


GUESS WHAT? That aint gonna happen either! Wanna know why? Cause Non BM have waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too many options in women to be trying to save a bunch of women whose issues stem from Black men’s preferences.


I am going to talk about this colorism nonsense and its current seeping into the IR community with BW who are bringing their issues, insecurities and colorism nonsense into this arena.


I am going to talk about how ONCE AGAIN BW make themselves look like the most difficult group of women to love and live with.


I’m just going to be very BLUNT in this post and tell you what will happen, how yall look and why many of you will never meet a quality man of ANY RACE. And if you have managed to snag a quality Non BM before he could see your issues – God help him and the children you sire with him who will look like the very women and people you resent.



First of all. American BW are a very small percentage of the female population. In relation to men who want to get married, date and get laid, BW do not AFFECT their abilities to do such one way or another. And by the looks of it, this includes high quality BM.


IOW’s if all of American BW fell off the face of the earth in the next 20 minutes, NON Back men (and HIGH QUALITY BM) would still be able to get married, date casually and still get ample amount of sex from women. The only real group who would be affected are NON QUALITY BM who cannot attract women of other races.


THIS MEANS – in a NUTSHELL – BW in the IR dating arena are expendable.


This means. That men do NOT have to deal with a bunch of nonsense, insecurities (that they did not create) from women who will not make or break their dating, marriage or sex lives.


This means that as a BW you need to be very well put together mentally, emotionally and physically if you want to attract, obtain and KEEP a quality male in your life.


This means, that if you are a BW looking for *QUALITY* Non BM (and even BM) *WITH OPTIONS* that you are competing with ALL other races of women who are much more easily obtainable to these men as they are constantly in these men’s inner circles in one way or another.


THIS MEANS – that no quality WM or Non BM wants to deal with your issues about colorism that stem from Black people’s nonsense.


THIS MEANS – that Non BM do not want to spend their lives and times rescuing you from your own feelings of inferiority (created by Black people’s nonsense), when they can date women without these issues.


This means, no quality male wants to raise his children in an environment where the mother might possibly carry on her insecurities (from Black people’s NONSESEN) and project and transfer those onto their and his future children.


MEN who are of quality and with options want to live and love women who make it easy for them to do that. Do you know how DIFFICULT and EXHAUSTING it is trying to love a person that doesn’t love themselves?


Do you know how difficult and exhausting it is trying to save a person that truly can never be saved because they want continuous sympathy and have no interest in doing what it takes to HEAL THEMSELVES and learn to love themselves and understand they are valuable and worthy?


Do you know how exhausting it is, trying to convince someone they are beautiful when they do not believe it deep down?


Do you know how exhausting it is constantly having to listen to a grown ass woman talk about what she went through as a child because of her dark skin, how ugly she feels compared to light skinned women, and continually repeat and talk about this while doing NOTHING to heal herself?




No grown QUALITY man *WITH OPTIONS* wants to save an insecure woman.


No grown QUALITY man *with options* wants his kids raised and reared by an insecure woman who feels inferior. She *WILL* transfer that onto her kids and it will have an effect on her kids one way or another.


No grown man with options wants to spend more of his time *TRYING* to love you and live with you & CONVINCE YOU he *really likes you with no ulterior motives* while you are still talking about Black people’s nonsense!


If you want to keep harping on colorism perpetuated and PRACTCED by BM, then STAY WITH BM and try fixing BM! Do not bring your colorism nonsense in the IR dating arena, making it much more difficult for BW to be seen as SANE adult women worthy of being loved for a lifetime by quality men, crying over this NONSENSE perpetuated by Black people.



You know what? Yall need to take a damn seat!


BW are in no position to be telling a Non BM what kind of BW he should and shouldn’t be dating. UHM – check the stats sweetie pies! Go back up and READ the reality that Non BM do not have to take orders from BW on who they should date because THEY WILL CONTINUE TO DATE, MARRY AND HAVE SEX WITH OR WITHOUT BW.


So instead of bringing your tired colorism nonsense to the IR community where you have NO REAL CLOUT with the men you are seeking (in terms of making demands), stay in and with BM and the Black people’s nonsense you love to wallow win.


You have NO RIGHT questioning who and what a NON BM chooses as his partner when it comes to dating Black women. Non BM like everybody damn else on this earth have a right to choose mates based on whatever it is they want to choose it on.


MOST NON BLACK (WHITE) men could give a RATS ASS about how light or dark a BW is. Its yall insecure tired BW who are projecting your nonsense onto them about skin color! A WM may choose a light skinned mixed BW one day and the next day may date a woman the color of Alek Wek. WHY? CAUSE THEY CAN!


Please for the LOVE OF GOD, do not project your colorism nonsense onto MEN who do not have those issues to begin with.


To most Non BM – a Black woman is a Black woman whether she is light, dark and even MIXED.


I am beyond TIRED of these bitter self-loathing Black women brining Black people’s nonsense into the IR where IT DOES NOT BELONG.



Imagine you are some strapping high quality Non BM who has his pick of the litter. Imagine this man one day says it doesn’t matter to him the race of the woman as long as she is mentally and emotionally sound, good looking, in good shape and will make a good parent to their children. Imagine you are a WM who may have to deal with some pushback from friends and family, but still decides to keep an open mind and date a BW.


Imagine going onto IR sites where there are scores of BW who are “SO CALLED” interested in dating Non Black men.


Imagine reading post after post and comment after comment talking about how BLACK MEN MADE YOU FEEL BAD ABOUT BEING DARK SKINNED, HOW DO NOT FEEL NOT BEAUTIFUL because of your dark skin because of BLACK MEN.


Imagine reading words upon words of “Black men hate dark skinned BW and pedestalize light skinned women” “dark skinned BW are always the last choice of BM” “I’m tired of light skinned BW always being seen as most beautiful” “I could care less how light skinned BW feel because I as a dark skinned BW was told I was ugly and unworthy all my life by BLACK MEN”


Imagine what would be going through this man’s head reading this on sites where BW are “SUPPOSEDLY” interested in dating Non BM.


Imagine this Wm thinking “oh God what will my kids go through dating women like this? Will she hate her own light skinned and mixed kids? Will she resent them and make their lives hell? Does she really still want to be with BM, but because they don’t want her, she is just trying to find anyone who will date her? ” Hmmm. Maybe I should just stick with Asian and White women – it’s just easier”


If I were such a WM? Pssh I would RUN for the hills and never look back. I mean seriously. WM and Non BM CAN afford to do this and still have a love life of some sort with or without BW!


Non BM did not perpetuate (directly) colorism onto BW today. So why the hell are you still harping on an issue on sites where NON BM are interested in seeking BW REGARDLESS OF SKIN SHADE?


Most healthy sane men like beautiful women and could care less if she is light with green eyes or dark skinned with big brown eyes.


So to question a Non Bm’s dating choice of a BW is SICK because you are projecting BM’s preferences and your insecurities onto HIM when he most likely does not have it. And if he does that’s his darn business because truth be told, if a WM didn’t want to date a woman of color HE DOESN’T HAVE TO! He can still find a Non BW of any ethnicity to settle down with and live happily ever after and not deal with this nonsense that so many BW are bringing into the IR dating arena.


So have a seat!


I’ll tell you why many of You SO CALLED PRO IR BW keep doing it! Cause as I said earlier YOU STILL WANT VLAIDATION FROM BLACK MEN. PERIOD. You want them to tell you, you are worthy and beautiful so you can go on with your lives and feel valuable and PRETTY.





But please, until you figure it out, STOP bringing this mess into an arena where HEALTHY MINDED BW of all shades are trying to FOR ONCE get away from the nonsense that they have been induated with in terms of Black people and colorism.

Some BW just want freakin PEACE already. And now they cannot even find it in the one area where they should be able to find it, because there are still so many BITTER, inferior minded BW bringing and carrying over their colorism Black people’s nonsense.


I truly feel for the dark skinned BW who are always silenced by the ones who REFUSE to heal themselves. I have had plenty of dark skinned BW in my life who simply do not even give this nonsense a thought. They are too busy living life, loving themselves and seeking out people who will love them for who they are and understand they are worthy and valuable as women.


If you are an adult – YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE for how you choose to think of yourself and live your life. NO ONE ELSE! This world and people today have no interest in saving other adults when they have their own damn problems.


And remember this: MEN do not want to be with difficult to live with and love women. The only men who choose that route are men without options and who are of lower quality.


So if you want a man without options and who is low caliber – keep up your colorism nonsense. Because most likely this man will deal with it because he has no other choice.


But if you are a BW who wants a man of quality, stature, and options, I IMPLOIRE you to do what you need to do to heal yourself, because no man of QUALITY and *WITH OPTIONS* will stick around and deal with your insecurities. He may have sex with you, but in terms of a long term relationship – he will run for the hills.





And my other question to all these so called “PRO IR” BW who are bringing your colorism nonsense into the IR (where it does not belong) – HOW THE HELL are you going to raise healthy light and mixed daughters (from Non BM that you claim to be seeking) when you still seem to have some resentment towards them???


This is a LEGIT real question that i would like an answer to.


Some of yall need to stay your behinds in the Black community and with BM – cause YALL AINT READY no matter how much you tell yourselves you are. All you want to do is transfer and bring your nonsense over to other men.


Well i am not going to sit quietly while you try to ruin the reputations of healthy minded BW of ALL SHADES who are trying to get away from the very nonsense you keep BRINGING into these communities.


In the famous words of Elenor Roosevelt ~ “NO ONE can make you feel inferioir without YOUR CONSENT”


Some of yall need to seriously read and understand that quote and PRACTICE IT.

2015 – Your year to LAUNCH



So I went to church last night and I wanted to share a piece of the slogan the preacher spoke about last night.


He spoke about 2015 being year of your launch.




What do you think about when you think of the word LAUNCH. It has so many different meanings but the foundation of the word means to thrust forward, to set in motion in a forward matter. Launching never refers to going backwards or downwards – its always forward, upward and pushing ahead.


So think about the things you have sat on last year or previous years that you want to launch in your life. It could even mean launching the negative things out of your life. But mostly, you should be thinking about anything in your life that you want to move forward and launch – your love life, better finances, yourown business, a new career, a new look ANYTHING.

When you think about astronauts who are about to launch inside a spaceship, they have to get into a position in where they lie on their backs, legs up,  looking upwards preparing for the launch. This is the position you should try staying in for this year..

*GET YOUR DIRTY MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER!!!!* :razz: But hey maybe that is a goal for some of you WHO KNOWS! You may meet the love of your life and the passion….OH NEVAMIND!


Anyway, the point is this year whatever it is you want to launch in your life, always stay in a launching position and just DO IT!


2015 is about  ~ ONWARD ——-> UPWARD^^^^^^^

Random thoughts thread – before the New year

Geez when it rains it pours huh? LOL I don’t post for weeks, then I bombard you will a billoin posts within 24 hours.


Anyway, this is a random thoughts thread before the New year about ANYTHING you want to say or post in regards to anything.


Post things you want to leave behind, gain etc  before the new year ANYTHING.


RANDOMNESS is king in this post ;)

Hypergamy & Black women

Another good discussion that came from the Hear ye post (I think there were like 50 different topics happening all at once on that post. LOL) was Black women having OOW and hypergamy.

I said I wasn’t going to try to interweave two ideas into one post, but…..OH SUE ME! This one will be pretty easy to understand tho! LOL


Sorry ladies. I just don’t see it. Even if they are swirl babies. Having an OOW kid to most in society reeks of low quality. Sorry. Most people will never say this because these days it’s just not politically correct to call out dysfunction. Like the Black woman who felt completely comfortable to stand up on a podium and tell everyone about her 5 kids by 3 different men (and she’s also on public assistance) and not expect people to bat an eye. GIRL, BYE!

I’m sorry I kinda got derailed there…..where was I?


But it’s true. It reeks of a woman of low quality who wasn’t able to secure a quality man for herself and offspring. A woman who just doesn’t seem to care about creating the best life scenario for her kids or her body. A woman who doesn’t honor her body enough to not require protection and just allows any man she’s dating or sleeping with to be the father of her kid. There is no other way to put it. I’m just telling you what it looks like whether you believe it or not.

And as Khadija said, these things are said to help other young BW avoid making these same terrible choices for themselves and their future kids.

Progressive BW will avoid making choices that will strain her or her future offspring. In fact, hypergamy for women is ROOTED in protecting and creating the best scenario for her offspring as much as possible. That is why women often do not always judge men’s potential as a mate on his looks solely as a male may for women.

Women (SMART.WOMEN) have always looked to the best providers and protectors for her and her children. Of course as society changes and women are more and more financially secure and stable within their own right, they may look for other things besides a great provider. But still at the end of the day, any woman who is progressive, wants a quality male to be the father and rearer of her children. Its common sense! Your kids benefit when they have a quality father around in their life to help raise them. If you don’t want kids, fine. Still the goal should be to have a quality male in your life who wants to provide and protect.

There is a saying (it’s JUST a saying so I am not saying this is scientifically proven LOL)that kids need their mothers more from infancy to about 12 years of age. And from 12 to adulthood (18) kids need their fathers more. Now some may argue this, as obviously kid’s need both parents at ALL times in their lives.

But I thought it was an interesting point of view I read. Because it illustrates the importance that each parent plays in a child’s life. And it makes complete sense to me why a kid would need their father more in their early and late teens and mom more in the nurturing years.

That is because men tend to be stronger and great guiders with authority. This is a point in a child’s life when they are transitioning and having all kinds of issues and will make bad decisions without a guided hand and firm CONSISTENT authority. This is not to say mothers don’t play a role either. But that a father is typically a stronger figure at this time that a child needs. I can see it. It’s just a POV, but I can see some merit in it.

And when I look at my life, its true. I lived with my dad from 5th grade to 12th. And I remember those teenage years when I was going through transitions my dad had a greater influence on me than my mother (although she had a great influence in my life as well). I am so glad my mother made the decision to have me move with my dad those years. I see now how important that was for me as a girl and young woman to have my dad’s authority.

Although my mother struggled a bit after she and my father divorced, the crucial decision she made to pro create with a solid stable quality man is something I will ALWAYS be greatful to her for – even when she sent me to live with my dad so she can get on her feet.


Look I am 1,000,000% behind Black women being hypergamous. In fact, healthy men recognize that women should be and are hypergamous. That is one of the reasons why so many men seek to do well in life so they can have the pick of the litter in terms of women.

Hypergamy motivates men in a number of ways to become better men. They will not admit it, but its true. They understand the best women will always seek the best men for the sole purpose of raising her offspring in the most protected and successful environment possible. Its human nature! Men have their own forms of hypergamy – so do not ever let a man make you feel guilty for being such.

I would also go out on a limb to say that the women who are not hypergamous, are considered to be lowest on the totem pole in terms of quality. Think about it. If you consider yourself higher quality woman, you will demand a higher quality mate. Most men (of quality and who have resources) would chalk up an non hypergamous woman as a “low catch/low quality” or an easy catch. And we all know where that gets you – rode hard and put away wet. If you want to appear to be a quality woman to a quality man with resources – you best put on your hypergamy face.

NOW NOW, being hypergamous is not being a GOLD DIGGER!!

Understand the difference between being a gold-digger and hypergamous. No one likes or respects a gold-digger. But everyone understands a hypergamous woman. Usually she has things going for herself and is working for the broader goal of creating a strong stable family unit with a man that can provide and protect. A gold-digger just wants money and resources by any means necessary. She is not looking for a quality male. All she sees is a wallet and she will get with ANY man that has resources. All men with resources are not great catches or of quality. A hypergamous woman wants QUALITY and resources for very common sense reasons that have been practiced since the beginning of time.


There are 2 kinds of single mothers 2 kinds of OOW situation.

ONE (single motherhood) – in where the father is around and involved in the child’s life, but the mother and father are divorced, or separated. The woman could have married a quality male and for a number of reasons they divorced or separated, but still work together to raise & support their child(ren) so they can reap the benefits of coming from a two-parent household.

This is the situation I grew up in. My parents divorced when I was young, but both remained an integral part of my life.

TWO (OOW) – where the mother and father have made a decision to not marry for various reasons (they both agreed to it) but are living together and raising their children together. This second scenario as someone pointed out happens quite often in Scandinavian countries and amongst the wealthy.

In fact, I read in Iceland (Scandinavian country) this is the biggest set up for many couples and kids and it seems to work for their society. But the key is BOTH parents are in the child’s life, but have just said marriage is not what they want. Personally I do not think this is such a good scenario for *BLACK WOMEN* because it still leaves her unprotected if the man decides to up and leave.

But here’s the key difference. Scandinavian countries are thriving even in the face of high OOW birthrates. White males have always set up infrastructures that police the men and boys of their race/culture and in society as to protect the women and children. IOW’s their communities are not filled with murderous thugs whose mommas are marching for them and all the craziness that results from them terrorizing, killing and hurting (each other) and the women and girls in their communities. A lot of their male children are not feral and running around being coddled by their communities.

White communities also generally protect their women and girls and set up infrastructures to deal with protecting them. The men and boys generally fall in line with that.

Basically, what I am pointing out is White men have set up infrastructures to help his people succeed. So for societies like Iceland and other Scandinavian nations that are doing quite well economically and socially, they are in better position to make these kinds of choices, that seem to still be giving them and their offspring the same benefits they’d have if their parents were married.

Black people nor Black women do not have this luxury. Black women also cannot afford to take this baby momma stuff over in other countries and lands and draw their benefits and resources as eventually they too will get tired of it and start putting in place shaming tactics and pulling these resources that were set up to help their own communities and children succeed. No one likes a leech and freeloader – especially a foreign one who is not even of their “tribe”.

Now I aint going to completely applaud this OOW scenario, but hey whatever floats their boats and as long as the child is getting the benefits of having both parents in his/her life and both parents are taking care of the child financially but made the decision to not marry for a reason.

THIRD (OOW AND SINGLE MOTHER) – a situation where the mother had a child by a man who made it clear in a number of ways he has no interest in being a father, raising a child with her and doing what I necessary to be a part of the child’s rearing. Unfortunately, this is MOSTLY the case with many Black women who have kids OOW.

Many BW who have kids OOW are raising these kids with no father figure present, are usually struggling financially (and in some cases are receiving some kind of government subsidies), and are generally strained from having to be both mother and father.

The results have been pretty hard for Black communities because of the lack of infrastructure and MEN in these communities. Blacks lack infrastructure in general, and many kids of OOW mothers have grown up in some financially strained capacity which means they are probably living in areas where there is a not high amount of responsible males and fathers around to raise their boys, teach them how to be productive men who build communities and not tear them down.

This has also led to feral Black men and boys who have no ideas how to harness their masculinity into more productive things thus taking on the only roles of manhood they know – being short fused, killing over silly stuff, robbing, being aggressive, terrorizing the weak in their communities (the women and girls), etc.

So you will never hear me make a case for pre single motherhood for a Black woman because it just doesn’t work the same for us as it may work for women of other cultures and communities (although it doesn’t even work then and thus why there is heavy influence on marriage and such in many other race and cultures). They seem to understand that a community/culture and race cannot thrive without the stability of a healthy family structure.

And because BW are the most un-protected group with the least infrastructure racially/culturally, we have to stay ahead of the game and always be thinking how we can make our lives EASIER. Raising a kid is not easy let alone raising ne by yourself.

Listen. My view on kids is this. It takes a man and a woman to create a child together and THUS IMO a man and woman should both raise and be a part of the child’s life. I get it, that things happen. But BW should always be setting themselves and their future offspring up for SUCCESS. You are not doing that, by having kids with a man who wants nothing to do with you or them!

And whether they are swirl babies or Black babies – it’s the same thing IMO. You are not setting yourself or your offspring up for success by not demanding marriage or commitment from a male before birthing his child.

I can’t figure out why some can’t realize the importance of bringing a child into this world. No woman should give her body birthing a child for a man who doesn’t have the decency to even give her his last name.

I understand rich people don’t always follow this rule. But most BW are not rich with the kinds of resources others who make these decisions have. Therefore, children should only be given to men who have proven to be willing to be present in their children lives.


I always hear women say these days “marriage is just a piece of paper”. Uhm NO. For women in child bearing ages NO, it’s more than that. For women past child bearing ages, yeah, hey if you wanna shack up with a long term partner go for it! If you wanna get married – go for that! But for young women in child bearing ages, do not settle for that trope.

It really irks me when I see BW say this, because that is the one place where a BW can guarantee some form of protection for herself and children. WW can say this because – once again, their people, father, men have INFRSATRUCTURE and a willingness to protect them at all costs.

And when a man marries he has signed up for that responsibility and cannot just easily walk away from that. THAT is why marriage and that certificate is important. It protects you and your children in case the man decides he just wants to leave – yeah he can still leave, but that paper means he has a legal obligation to support his children (and in some cases YOU too) if he does so. When there is no paper, it’s a lot harder for you to get resources for yourself and children.


A good question/ point was brought up about why some BW who travel overseas end up having kids by WM who haven’t married them or committed as possibly being a form of hypergamy. And the thought was that these BW are seeking to lighten and whiten their kids genes as to have better success in life and avoid the downfalls of hurtful colorism that is often experienced by full Black kids (especially Black girls).

I don’t doubt this happens. But I believe it is a mix of BW wanting to have children they feel will not be exposed to the same colorism they were exposed to, but also because so many BW lack self-esteem and are searching for unconditional love – so they have babies even without commitment because they believe this is an unconditional love they will receive.

But many OOW kids may actually grow up resenting their mothers for making that choice to not care if there was no father around. So they cannot bank on that “unconditional love” scenario.

So in terms of single motherhood and OOW I cannot say that BW doing this and being baby mommas of swirl babies is any better than being a baby momma of a monoracial Black child. The only difference is YES she has a baby who is lighter and whiter looking, and that may and obviously will have some better benefits for the child, but not so much that I can co-sign BW having a bunch of OOW babies by Non BM.

That is because the person(s) who get affected the most by this are mainly the child who doesn’t get the benefit of having two parents involved in his/her life and the emotional and stability benefits that come with having a father around, and the mother often suffers and *CAN* take that out on her child down the line. Also, when children are not living in or seeing healthy stable quality relationships with a mother and father in their lives, they often grow up and not see the need for it and continue the vicious cycle.

There are more than enough studies that show how important having a father present in a child’s life is.

A truly hypergamous BW today would not only seek out the best quality mate, but would avoid doing anything that could place her or her child in a unfavorable situation where they are lacking.

True hypergamous BW will be so determined to live and do well, they would not entertain single motherhood because they understand how that will affect their child later on.

So avoid the talk that so many sister soldiers who are out to protect the egos of men do. Hypergamy is NORMAL and normal healthy men EXPECT women to be this way. This is why men work hard at being the best protectors and providers they can be. Because quality women will not settle for less than that for herself or her children.

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