FLIRTING 101: For the Flirtacious challenged Black girl

Ok for alllllll of us  Black girls here (the whole TWO of us (me and Liza) lol) let’s start asking ourselves if we need to step up our game in the flirting dept.

I really hope the guys can really chime in and provide some perspective on how they prefer women to flirt with them (Please do not tell us to simply drop our panties, lay on the ground and spread eagle holding up a sign in front of our vaginas that says “come and get it”)  *surprised*.  But Any of your  expectations when it comes to hunter/prey thing, and just general thoughts on the topic of women and flirting. Ultimatley this is where a man’s POV is very warranted b/c its he we are trying to attract.

Coming from various blogs that deal with Black women and relationships there seems to be one common theme and FACT: Black women SUCK at knowing what to do in the flirting/dating/mating game! Sorry sisters it is what it is. Consider me amongst you – so no hard feelings.

 no matter how young or old the Black woman is: Most of these women don’t know SHAT about how to attract men, flirt, or even know what to do to place themselves in a favorable light to gain the attention of men. These are mainly college educated smart intelligent women with no damn common sense. LOL (I’m one of them to a degree so I’m not hating).

If you are like me,  you probably get approached by very persistent hyper masculine males who don’t wait for you to do anything before they approach. They just throw all caution to the wind and go for it.  I do find myself relieved at not having to step out of my comfort zone with guys like this. They take care of all the initial work of getting to know you. This is one of the things I like about hyper masculine men. BUT its also the only thing I know and that I’m used to. So what about those attractive laid back guys who are so reserved by nature they would never, ever, ever, ever ever, ever everrrrrrrr  approach a woman out in a public space that they find attractive? If you like those kinds of guys as well – then its time to face the facts: we gotta meet those kinds of men half way – hence flirt.

Here’s my personal hang up with outward flirting. I am traditional to the core. Anything that so slightly suggests that I am trying to pick up a man makes me uncomfortable. I wholly believe in the man is the hunter meme, but not all men go about it the same way. They aren’t all wearing lion’s cloth, drooling, and growling with their fangs hanging out hunting down his next female prey. Ok, I’m lying  – all of them are –  I will however take back the part about the lions cloth. But the fangs, drool and growling? Have you seen a man on a mission? LOL plus I have been spoiled by the hyper masculine men who don’t really  make a girl do much before he approaches her. No flirting needed with these guys. The only work you have to do, is decide whether you want to move forward after their initial come on.

Flirting is one thing I see that other races of women have no problems with. Watch a White, Asian, Latin girl in action and they do all kinds of things to attract the guy they want. But flirting done improperly (and I have seen it too many times)  come off as literally trying to be the hunter picking up the guy, and I’m not comfy with that. There has to be a happy medium somewhere in between – right (this is where input from the men is crucial)?  IMO there is  a fine line that a woman should not cross when it comes to allowing the man to make the final play. But I’m realizing more and more *some* men may need our help more than others.

So WTH is up with my female peeps? Why are Black women lagging in tis area? Is it confidence or just a simple case of not knowing? Both.

 Well I’ll try to break it down from my POV.  Hopefully recognizing the root of the problem can catapult us into growing and changing. Of course this is all pure speculation and subjection on my part but since no one has taken the task to do it, I will.

If you hate history, I’m giving you fair warning to leave NOW:

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HISTORY TIME!!

 

Background history on Black women as women. Black women historically (and even so present day) have never been recognized as women.  During the slave trade we were brought here to America to simply work or arses off to help get America on its feet. During this time the image and womanhood of Black women was developed in stark contrast to White women. We were not glamorous, pretty, refined, gracious, beautiful, chaste, protected, pedestaled as women. b/c we couldn’t be. We were expected to take care of everyone from our families to the slave owners families and everything working from sun up to sun down doing whatever we were TOLD to do. Never did Black women have time to sit down and define themselves as women.  After centuries and decades of this, eventually Black womanhood was defined- but not by us. Were  portrayed as MAMMIES or JEZEBELS to everyone. The Mammy is an overweight/obese,  sometimes jolly, asexual Black female figure in American history. This Black woman was not a threat to any other woman b/c she was so asexual and “mother” like. If you look around in the media today or even walk out your door, she still exists. Same mammy different era. Think Oprah in some sorts (not a put down to O, but the fact is she reminds many people of the care taking asexual Mammy who likes to comfort everyone). The stark contrast to the Mammy personification was the JEZEBEL (think any Black woman you see on a reality TV show today) lol. This Black woman may not be asexual in the sense of the Mammy PHYSICALLY, but her traits make her unappealing to the average sane male. The Black jezebel was a sassy, outspoken, hard wired, overly sexual, masculine acting, ball-busting, fight-ready, uncouth, bitchy woman. She snapped her fingers, rolled her head, sucked her teeth and gave tongue lashings to anyone who crossed her path. DO we see this Black woman today? HECK YES! I’m sure we have all at some point had the misfortune of being in the vicinity or target of Black women like this and all you can think of  is shooting yourself b/c its so utterly annoying and exhausting. 

 

The Black JEZEBEL? She too like the Mammy is quite popular and well known all over the media – EVERYWHERE! Same women different era. Sooo if we have two polar opposites ends here in terms of images where is the middle Black woman? *waving* HIIIIII! Yeah, she’s often ignored and left out. This middle BW we never see could be the cute girl next door, or the savvy exotic woman, the quiet shy nerd,  the  fun loving bombshell. We don’t see these Black women.  WHY? B/C Black women are not encouraged to promote any positive female qualities. It has to be either the Mammy or the Jezebel.  No wonder we aren’t out flirting. If we are supposed to be Mammies or Jezzies, then where were the middle ground Black women being trained on how to use her femininity to attract men?

 

This is where Liza, myself and other middle of the road or completely off the beaten path Black women come in. We really have never had any examples of true femininity in our image (back in the 70’s but most of us were still sucking bottles then).  So we have no clue how to use our femininity to our advantage to snag the kinds of men we like.

But I’m all about change and growth so let’s get to it girls! (I mean girl – LIZA).

 

We need you boys to really help us since its you we want to attract 😉

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28 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Liza207
    Jul 29, 2011 @ 14:57:06

    Neecy, I love the title. LOL! Yes, we do need some serious help in that department.

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    • Neecy
      Jul 29, 2011 @ 18:36:08

      FOR REALS! i just clam up around a man I am attracted to. I almost want to do the complete opposite of letting him know I want him. i try to act like I don’t want him. I’m sure this is causing a problem for me. I don’t know why I do this.

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  2. Liza207
    Jul 29, 2011 @ 20:02:33

    Neecy, very well done.

    “Coming from various blogs that deal with Black women and relationships there seems to be one common theme and FACT: Black women SUCK at knowing what to do in the flirting/dating/mating game! Sorry sisters it is what it is. Consider me amongst you – so no hard feelings.”

    Yes, there are definitely a lot of stumbling blocks in the area for us. It’s sad and rather embarrassing really.

    “Most of these women don’t know SHAT about how to attract men, flirt, or even know what to do to place themselves in a favorable light to gain the attention of men.”

    Nope.

    “If you are like me, you probably get approached by very persistent hyper masculine males who don’t wait for you to do anything before they approach. They just throw all caution to the wind and go for it.”

    Aren’t these guys the worst and I encountered them from every race too. Complete jerks.

    “So what about those attractive laid back guys who are so reserved by nature they would never, ever, ever, ever ever, ever everrrrrrrr approach a woman out in a public space that they find attractive?”

    I really like these guys but they need to take more risks. They should wait for clear signs of interest before approaching because approaching a woman cold could result in rejection. Some men should wait until when it’s right to approach. And it’s up to us to give them those clear signs

    “If you like those kinds of guys as well – then it’s time to face the facts: we gotta meet those kinds of men half way – hence flirt.”

    I have to drop the aloofness but it’s hard at times because I have to warn off the jerks but be open to letting the decent guys know that I’m interested. That is a seriously balancing act.

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    • Neecy
      Jul 30, 2011 @ 17:03:25

      How many times did you want to hit the monitor screen everytime some Black woman “wrote in” asking the most BASIC well known questions about how to attract a guy. Like “uhm where do I go to meet guys” or “what should I do to attract a guy”. I was like DAMN are we that freakin in the dark when it comes to men?

      My God!

      Like you said Liza, It is really SAD and embarressing when college aged woman or above don’t know anything about what to do to attract the opposite sex.

      I am just not an aloof kind of person. even with the jerks. I just think i am an easy target b/c i am so easy going and its hard for me to not be nice to people even when they irk me. LOL

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  3. Liza207
    Jul 29, 2011 @ 20:25:22

    “I am traditional to the core. Anything that so slightly suggests that I am trying to pick up a man makes me uncomfortable. I wholly believe in the man is the hunter meme, but not all men go about it the same way”

    I very traditional as well and have always waited for the guy I wanted to make the first move but that hasn’t been happening so…
    “They aren’t all wearing lion’s cloth, drooling, and growling with their fangs hanging out hunting down his next female prey. Ok, I’m lying – all of them are – I will however take back the part about the loin cloth. But the fangs, drool and growling?” LMAO

    “Flirting is one thing I see that other races of women have no problems with. Watch a White, Asian, Latin girl in action and they do all kinds of things to attract the guy they want.”

    I have observed these women and they have it down. I’m not mad at them.

    “Were portrayed as MAMMIES or JEZEBELS to everyone. The Mammy is an overweight/obese, sometimes jolly, asexual Black female figure in American history.”

    This has always irritated me because I have nothing common with these creatures. But they are out there walking around making women like us look bad. Every sitcom the has a black female character on it. She’s fat (always fat), loud and obnoxious. Even when she’s nice and decent – she’s fat.

    “She snapped her fingers, rolled her head, sucked her teeth and gave tongue lashings to anyone who crossed her path. DO we see this Black woman today? HECK YES!” There was one at a Duane Reade last month she walked in the with a white female coworker. The AC was low and it was very hot day. I was the only other black person standing on line so she looks at me and says loudly, Ain’t it hot in here! Why is the AC so loud?! It is too hot in here! She looked at me and I turned away and pretended I didn’t hear her. This white guy looked at her and just shook his head and her white coworker just looked really embarrassed. I was just disgusted.

    “This middle BW we never see could be the cute girl next door, or the savvy exotic woman, the quiet shy nerd, the fun loving bombshell.”

    Black women like us are poorly represented in the media. That’s why we get so much hell when people encounter us in real life. I speak Standard English and not Ebonics, I travel, I’m adventurous, I’m in good shape and don’t have kids out of wedlock. Freaks them out.

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    • zorroprimo
      Jul 30, 2011 @ 00:38:19

      Do NOT think of flirtation or dating in the “hunter/prey” paradigm. It is an ongoing transaction in which two key players NEGOTIATE for continued interest. Nobody is clubbing anybody on the head and dragging them away to the cave (but if you want to be honest, it is usually the female who does the clubbing).

      A fact of evolutionary psychology: it is the FEMALE who opens the door to negotiation. 95% of the time, it is the woman who demonstrates (either by subtle physical cues or by spoken statements) that she is receptive to a man’s interest. Only AFTER that does the man “take point” and lead the negotiation. Both men and women choose their mates, but it is the female who chooses FIRST.

      The woman provides the invitation, and it is up to the man to show up for dinner. No hunter. No prey.

      Here endeth the lesson.

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      • Neecy
        Jul 30, 2011 @ 17:10:26

        Zorro. You’re the man. LOL!

        I agree. It is women who open the door for negotiation. But some of the more aggressive men don’t wait for that. LOL They just throw stuff up against the wall until something sticks. I actually had a man in Vegas tell his buddies that. He was not an attractive guy, but he said he just kept hitting on every woman he thought was attractive until one finally gave in. LOL.

        But this is where the good decent laid back guys need to learn how to take cues from women. Maybe instead of making more reserved laid back introvert guys feel like they have to change who they are, instead show them and teach them the cues that women give that says its okay to approach that particular woman. That is mroe effective than just calling them “betas” and whimps for not approaching women. Women do give hints and cues to men and these reserved guys are not aware of them.

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  4. NeecyFan
    Jul 29, 2011 @ 21:42:11

    OH LAWD, WHAT HAVE YALL STARTED?! Neecy, you go and do this right when I’m packing up to take care of business for Uncle Sam! And I SO want to contribute. Things are hectic for me right now, but I’m gonna have to make some time for this one.

    NEECY: OMG where are you going? I hope you come back! I’m gonna miss your input 😦

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  5. zorroprimo
    Jul 29, 2011 @ 23:51:35

    The first thing I want you to do is to “empty your cup” as the Bhuddists say, and open your mind.

    The second thing is to read “Undercover Sex Signals: A Pickup Guide for Guys” by Leil Lowndes.

    http://www.amazon.com/Undercover-Sex-Signals-Pickup-Guide/dp/0806527935/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1311983331&sr=1-4

    That will give you a very good introduction to how WOMEN FLIRT by using subtle body language.

    It’s in your DNA, girl. Now stop being a prissy little sissy filled with excuses and do your homework!

    If you can do that, I will then teach you how to flirt by using carefully worded introductions when you meet hot guys.

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    • Neecy
      Jul 30, 2011 @ 17:14:17

      Don’t get me wrong. I do *some* things to flirt. but maybe I am just not doing it right b/c the wrong guy comes up to me. For instance, i have my eye on a guy. I tend to look around like I am confused or a little lost (I realized men like to think they are saving women so this is perfect and usually works even when the guy is not trying to hit on you) . It works. However, with the wrong men. LOL

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  6. zorroprimo
    Jul 30, 2011 @ 03:13:07

    http://www.thefemininewoman.com/

    THIS is a woman who knows how to blog about women attracting guys!!! Check her out, Neecy!

    NEECY: Thanks for the link! I’ll check it out. Man you are like your own little WIKIPEDIA. I’m going to start calling you GOOGLE. LOL

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  7. Maya
    Jul 30, 2011 @ 11:56:28

    Hi Neecy,

    very interesting post, especially about the history and portrayals of black women. I never really knew much about it, because I live in a country where I hardly ever see a black person. The history of black people in U.S. is so sad.

    I also agree with the poster above, the website he mentioned is very interesting.

    Maya (from C. R. :))

    NEECY: Hi MAYA! Does C R stand for Czech Repub? That’s the only place I can think that may have little to zero Blacks.

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    • Maya
      Jul 30, 2011 @ 17:46:03

      Heeey 🙂 No, C.R. = Citizen Renegade 😀

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    • Zorro
      Jul 30, 2011 @ 23:15:51

      The abbreviation for Czech Republic is CZR. I visited Prague in 2000 for the 6 greatest days of my life. Fabulous country, and great people. The beer is the best in the world!

      NEECY: Really! I plan on visiting Europe next year. Looking into starting at the Nordic countries and visiting outside countries from there.

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      • Zorro
        Aug 01, 2011 @ 15:25:29

        The castles and chateaux in the Czech Republic are some of the most beautiful in all of Europe. If you go to Prague…oh, who am I kidding? I could write a book on what to do while there. If you’re serious about going, let me know and I’ll give you some serious travel tips.

        Rule #1 in the Czech Republic: always say “Dobre-den” when engaging in conversation (Good Day). If you don’t say that, they will think you were brought up in a pig sty.

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  8. more than 100 less than 1000
    Jul 30, 2011 @ 16:04:10

    question : what is the purpose of this blog? To just share opinions or to discover some valid truths?

    NEECY: Both.

    and in general that takes a much deeper look inward than learning how to flirt..or a deep look at flirting..it takes looking at your operational methodologies clearly w/o self decption ..and understanding your motives. Then the bigger picture is what you want to create with your life.

    Thats a tall order for many ..

    NEECY: Actually I just wanted to point out why flirting is very foreign to a particular group of women. It may have a lot to do with looking inward, thus why i pointed out the history of said group as a possible foundation for the lack of knowing what to do to attract the opposite sex.

    Maya from CR is Cit Renegade lol ..you were kidding I hope

    NEECY: Well since you put me on the spot I guess I can say i was. But since I am an honest person, I really thought she was saying she was from a place with the intials C R which I took to mean Czech Repub. LOL

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  9. PermanentGuest
    Jul 31, 2011 @ 03:19:57

    As the analogy goes, there are men who are hunters, and those who are fishers. The former will go on the hunt for women (at any cost) while the latter will be relaxed and make himself attractive for the catch.

    You should be weary of the hunters. Much are the thirsty types who have a single motive in mind. You shouldn’t be intimidated by the latter. I don’t recall the last time I’ve ignored or rejected a girl for approaching me.

    Anywho, my advice for flirting:
    -Keep a feminine appearance. This means anything from the physical (smiling, softening your voice) to the mental (not sizing him up or acting above him). If you must, there’s plenty of time to “test” him for manhood later.
    -Touch. If you’re interested, any kind of physical contact, like a touch or playful slap on the arm, will go far. Sadly, many guys are oblivious to this sign on interest.

    Just remember that ‘flirting’ is ‘playing.’ Have fun with it, but tune it to those who you are interested in.

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    • Neecy
      Aug 01, 2011 @ 05:44:24

      HI PG!!!

      YOU SAID: You should be weary of the hunters. Much are the thirsty types who have a single motive in mind.

      NEECY: SO true. In your opinion what do you think drives these kinds of men (hunters vs. fishers) to approach a certain kind of woman? Is it a way a woman dresses or looks that would cause her to attract more of the former vs. the latter?

      Its funny you mention the touching thing. I remember reading that this is key to letting a man know you are interested. But when watching women flirt I do notice the pros are alway sslightly laughing and lightly touching the guy.

      I think a lot of the good guys are fishers but they also don’t know how to take more subtle clues from a woman who is interested in them. It seems the PUA’s would focus on this more instead of trying to make an introverted guy do something that doesn’t come natural to him. If more of those guys were taught the subtle ways women show they are open for them to approach, maybe they would be more comfortable in approaching women directly?

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      • PermanentGuest
        Aug 01, 2011 @ 06:44:30

        -Eye contact and a genuine smile usually compel a man to approach. It shows interest, and the risk of losing face is minimal (As for dress, keep the dress modest. Too sexy will intimidate shy good guys, turn off the not so shy but good ones, and attract the guys only interested in the physical).

        -You’re definitely right about the need to learn signals. Ease of approach would go up, yet you must also note that many good guys are fishers because they have options. I fall into this bunch, and I rarely approach. Why? Because I don’t have to pursue just anyone who’s interested in me. But will I engage them if they talk to me? Without a doubt. If interested, I’ll take the lead from there.

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      • Neecy
        Aug 01, 2011 @ 07:00:23

        PG SAID: (As for dress, keep the dress modest. Too sexy will intimidate shy good guys, turn off the not so shy but good ones, and attract the guys only interested in the physical).

        NEECY: Thank you for saying this. My grandmother has told me that and I didn’t really listen to her b/c I figured she was being a typical grandma trying to make me dress like a nunn. LOL. But i am starting to realize its the way I dress and possibly how I wear my make up that turns off the kind of guys I like (quiet more reserved easy going good guys) and attracts the more in your face ones. It sucks I’m learning so late in the game. If I had known in my 20’s what I am learning now. LOL

        PG SAID: you must also note that many good guys are fishers because they have options. I fall into this bunch, and I rarely approach. Why? Because I don’t have to pursue just anyone who’s interested in me. But will I engage them if they talk to me? Without a doubt. If interested, I’ll take the lead from there.

        NEECY: i understand and makes sense. But from where I come from those good fisher guys are only fishing for the low caliber women (hmm maybe they just look the part of a good guy?). This is why i simply won’t go up to a guy and start talking with him. I feel if a man wants you, he’ll approach you. but IMO no man is going to be rude or turn down a girl who approaches him even though he may have no interest – unless she looks like doo doo warmed over twice. i don’t think this serves women well at all to put themselves out there like that. Many women who said they have, have found the guy loses interest fairly quickly vs. a guy who came up to them first.

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        • Ray
          Jan 10, 2013 @ 16:57:57

          More honesty from a white guy. Don’t dress too modestly or he won’t feel your worth the effort! Ladies, your femininity is a powerful weapon! When you go out on a date, try to dress at LEAST as nice as you did for work! Granted, if he’s taking you bowling or hiking it wouldn’t be wise to wear those Jimmy Choo stilettos, but if he’s taking you to a club, movie or dinner since he’s paying for it, you can at least wear a dress, heels and freshen your lipstick! Personally, one of the things I love about the black women I dated was that they took the effort to look good for me! Ladies, one of the perks of being with a beautiful woman is getting to show you off to our friends! Remember, your boyfriend is going to put as much effort into the date as you are! Forget the nuns habit or the Burka! Its possible to dress attractively without dressing sluttily.

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  10. Zorro
    Jul 31, 2011 @ 10:19:37

    Roissy and the PUA community are all about GAME. Game is the study of what makes women attracted to men. I’ve told you about this before. Here is a guy who is married and is all about Game:

    http://www.marriedmansexlife.com/

    He is the Roissy for married men. Just a heads-up for you, girl. Not all men are for screwing as many women as they can. Some of us just want to bang our wives or gfs.

    Here’s another heads-up: I want to take you from behind while I hold your hands behind your back.

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    • Neecy
      Aug 01, 2011 @ 05:09:24

      “Just a heads-up for you, girl. Not all men are for screwing as many women as they can. Some of us just want to bang our wives or gfs.”

      Ok I am all for that! I wouldn’t mind my hubby gaming me for fun and excitement, but once it crosses the line of being disrespectful towards me or making me feel “less than” then its a problem.

      “Here’s another heads-up: I want to take you from behind while I hold your hands behind your back.”

      That’s S & M!

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  11. Liza207
    Jul 31, 2011 @ 18:50:20

    I just read the comments over on that blog. Yes, those women are complete hypocrites and that’s why I no longer comment on those blogs. The women there had a right to pose the question as to, why it’s okay to have an out of wedlock child with one group of men and not with another. I wasn’t surprised by her reaction because that’s how it is with most of them. I fear that if they continue to put this group of men on a pedastal that they will eventually start having the same issues that they were having with the other group of men. I see now that H is also batshit and she really showed her true colors on this one. When are we going to learn, Neecy? When?!

    I was blown away by what went down over at CR concerning the BM and the WR. Yes, you were right about not coming to his defense and I’m SO glad you didn’t. WP are well aware of what is going on with us. We are not here to fight their battles, they’re men so let them fight their own and to hell with all that sista soulja bullshit.

    Another thing, continue to use your blog to rant and vent about whatever you want to for now, just until you find a focus.

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    • Neecy
      Aug 01, 2011 @ 05:20:01

      Can you believe that hot mess that went down?! LOL I was goin to respond but decided I was done. After she responded the way she did to a few of the posters who posed their concerns about glorifying a relationship with a man who left his wife to have an OOW child and affair with another woman was just hypocritical. Especially when they talk down about a particular segment of men doing it, but will make allowances for another segment of men who do it?

      And you are right. H is batshit like the other batshit one who left the scene! UGH! I wish I could contact Island Girl and invite her here, but she didn’t have an addy for me to reach her.

      And then for some other crazy to start a whole blog post on it trying to “breakdown” the nonsense to make it sound good was the last straw. You can put lipstick on a pig, but its still a pig!

      I’m so done with that scene. I still read Z’s site b/c she still seems to have some of her scruples left

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  12. Ray
    Jan 10, 2013 @ 15:37:30

    This topic is so old here, I’m not sure you ladies would still be interested but… Here goes! I’m not pulling any punches here so I’ll apologize up front for any hurt feelings!

    Flirting 101
    If done properly, flirting can be fun but not everybody knows how or what it’s purpose is! Most black guys today don’t know how to do it and most black women aren’t sure how to process it. The art of wooing a woman is going the way of extinction, I think black women have been undervalued for their qualities for so long, that they can’t accept a compliment anymore! I’ve seen my black male coworkers in bars approach women and it amazes me they can find girlfriends let alone wives! Flirting is a way to boost the self esteem of the flirter and the flirtee. It does not have to lead to sex (although that is a nice added bonus if things work out). Flirting can start as subtly as just catching someones eye and smiling! I’ve walked through a department store and caught the eye of a young lady and as we passed each other we each smiled and said Hi and continued walking (I was in a relationship at the time)! If you can attract the attention of a person you’ve never seen before, you can tell you have some game left! People won’t respond to you if they don’t like you! I could tell she was as interested in me as I was with her, but it was perfectly fine to end it there! We each got our little ego boost and moved on!

    Permanentguest was right on the money, on how to flirt! We guys sometimes have to be hit over the head before we notice when a girl is flirting with us! If a man approaches you for anything other than a work related question, pretty much he’s flirting with you. If you don’t find him appealing, you should still be gracious in your rejection. Try smiling and say something like “I am so flattered, but I’m seeing someone right now! It was nice meeting you!” If he finds you attractive enough to approach you, be classy enough to handle it properly! Make things easy enough for him to have the fortitude to approach another black girl without reinforcing the whole “black girl with attitude stereotype”.

    If you do like the guy, show an interest, laugh when he makes a joke, compliment him on his sense of humor or how you like his tie or how how blue, green, hazel or whatever color our eyes are, whatever! But don’t go overboard with too many compliments * (use them sparingly, perhaps once a date). Think about how you’d feel if some guy was fawning all over you! There is a fine line between liking someone and obsession! Don’t scare the guy away! LOL!
    While you’re laughing at his joke, lightly grasp his arm look him in the eyes, smile and say something like “That’s hilarious, you are so funny!” Speaking for myself, if a woman appreciates my sense of humor, I know she’s going to be fun to hang around.

    If his personality is not that extroverted you may have to start up a conversation, yourself, If he’s a coworker ask his advice about a work related project, if you meet or run into him in a restaurant ask him to suggest what’s good. If you don’t start talking you’re dead in the water!
    By that time you’ve given him all the signals he should need! If it’s not, he gives new meaning to the word obtuse. You’ve done all you can, give up on this one!

    * Just a side note, don’t make the compliments about the car he drives, the Cartier watch he wears or the fancy apartment or house he lives in. He’ll think you’re as shallow as he is! These guys will use their toys to get you into bed and be gone before you wake up! Don’t expect him to give you his right phone number either! Of course if your interest in him can be summed up by the possessions he has, you deserve everything you don’t get! LOL!

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