Ok for alllllll of us Black girls here (the whole TWO of us (me and Liza) lol) let’s start asking ourselves if we need to step up our game in the flirting dept.
I really hope the guys can really chime in and provide some perspective on how they prefer women to flirt with them (Please do not tell us to simply drop our panties, lay on the ground and spread eagle holding up a sign in front of our vaginas that says “come and get it”) *surprised*. But Any of your expectations when it comes to hunter/prey thing, and just general thoughts on the topic of women and flirting. Ultimatley this is where a man’s POV is very warranted b/c its he we are trying to attract.
Coming from various blogs that deal with Black women and relationships there seems to be one common theme and FACT: Black women SUCK at knowing what to do in the flirting/dating/mating game! Sorry sisters it is what it is. Consider me amongst you – so no hard feelings.
no matter how young or old the Black woman is: Most of these women don’t know SHAT about how to attract men, flirt, or even know what to do to place themselves in a favorable light to gain the attention of men. These are mainly college educated smart intelligent women with no damn common sense. LOL (I’m one of them to a degree so I’m not hating).
If you are like me, you probably get approached by very persistent hyper masculine males who don’t wait for you to do anything before they approach. They just throw all caution to the wind and go for it. I do find myself relieved at not having to step out of my comfort zone with guys like this. They take care of all the initial work of getting to know you. This is one of the things I like about hyper masculine men. BUT its also the only thing I know and that I’m used to. So what about those attractive laid back guys who are so reserved by nature they would never, ever, ever, ever ever, ever everrrrrrrr approach a woman out in a public space that they find attractive? If you like those kinds of guys as well – then its time to face the facts: we gotta meet those kinds of men half way – hence flirt.
Here’s my personal hang up with outward flirting. I am traditional to the core. Anything that so slightly suggests that I am trying to pick up a man makes me uncomfortable. I wholly believe in the man is the hunter meme, but not all men go about it the same way. They aren’t all wearing lion’s cloth, drooling, and growling with their fangs hanging out hunting down his next female prey. Ok, I’m lying – all of them are – I will however take back the part about the lions cloth. But the fangs, drool and growling? Have you seen a man on a mission? LOL plus I have been spoiled by the hyper masculine men who don’t really make a girl do much before he approaches her. No flirting needed with these guys. The only work you have to do, is decide whether you want to move forward after their initial come on.
Flirting is one thing I see that other races of women have no problems with. Watch a White, Asian, Latin girl in action and they do all kinds of things to attract the guy they want. But flirting done improperly (and I have seen it too many times) come off as literally trying to be the hunter picking up the guy, and I’m not comfy with that. There has to be a happy medium somewhere in between – right (this is where input from the men is crucial)? IMO there is a fine line that a woman should not cross when it comes to allowing the man to make the final play. But I’m realizing more and more *some* men may need our help more than others.
So WTH is up with my female peeps? Why are Black women lagging in tis area? Is it confidence or just a simple case of not knowing? Both.
Well I’ll try to break it down from my POV. Hopefully recognizing the root of the problem can catapult us into growing and changing. Of course this is all pure speculation and subjection on my part but since no one has taken the task to do it, I will.
If you hate history, I’m giving you fair warning to leave NOW:
Background history on Black women as women. Black women historically (and even so present day) have never been recognized as women. During the slave trade we were brought here to America to simply work or arses off to help get America on its feet. During this time the image and womanhood of Black women was developed in stark contrast to White women. We were not glamorous, pretty, refined, gracious, beautiful, chaste, protected, pedestaled as women. b/c we couldn’t be. We were expected to take care of everyone from our families to the slave owners families and everything working from sun up to sun down doing whatever we were TOLD to do. Never did Black women have time to sit down and define themselves as women. After centuries and decades of this, eventually Black womanhood was defined- but not by us. Were portrayed as MAMMIES or JEZEBELS to everyone. The Mammy is an overweight/obese, sometimes jolly, asexual Black female figure in American history. This Black woman was not a threat to any other woman b/c she was so asexual and “mother” like. If you look around in the media today or even walk out your door, she still exists. Same mammy different era. Think Oprah in some sorts (not a put down to O, but the fact is she reminds many people of the care taking asexual Mammy who likes to comfort everyone). The stark contrast to the Mammy personification was the JEZEBEL (think any Black woman you see on a reality TV show today) lol. This Black woman may not be asexual in the sense of the Mammy PHYSICALLY, but her traits make her unappealing to the average sane male. The Black jezebel was a sassy, outspoken, hard wired, overly sexual, masculine acting, ball-busting, fight-ready, uncouth, bitchy woman. She snapped her fingers, rolled her head, sucked her teeth and gave tongue lashings to anyone who crossed her path. DO we see this Black woman today? HECK YES! I’m sure we have all at some point had the misfortune of being in the vicinity or target of Black women like this and all you can think of is shooting yourself b/c its so utterly annoying and exhausting.
The Black JEZEBEL? She too like the Mammy is quite popular and well known all over the media – EVERYWHERE! Same women different era. Sooo if we have two polar opposites ends here in terms of images where is the middle Black woman? *waving* HIIIIII! Yeah, she’s often ignored and left out. This middle BW we never see could be the cute girl next door, or the savvy exotic woman, the quiet shy nerd, the fun loving bombshell. We don’t see these Black women. WHY? B/C Black women are not encouraged to promote any positive female qualities. It has to be either the Mammy or the Jezebel. No wonder we aren’t out flirting. If we are supposed to be Mammies or Jezzies, then where were the middle ground Black women being trained on how to use her femininity to attract men?
This is where Liza, myself and other middle of the road or completely off the beaten path Black women come in. We really have never had any examples of true femininity in our image (back in the 70’s but most of us were still sucking bottles then). So we have no clue how to use our femininity to our advantage to snag the kinds of men we like.
But I’m all about change and growth so let’s get to it girls! (I mean girl – LIZA).
We need you boys to really help us since its you we want to attract 😉