Well. at least I *think* like one. Sooo that makes me at least *CLOSE* to a supermodel…right? Wait *plugging my ears and closing my eyes* Don’t answer that!
As I was LITERALLY coming up with this idea to post on this very topic, God led me to a perfect piece to use. I was scouring another site I visit and happened upon a twitter link from the blog host that read “Jessica White vows celibacy”. Of course I already knew Jess is a current supermodel b/c being the make-up junkie that I am, I was aware of her Maybelline ads. She has also done work for Sports Illustrated. In this interview she was discussing her choice in being celibate. Jessica is GORGEOUS (yes that’s her in the above pic in all her zero body fat glory – BITCH) *oh where was I* AND she is also still YOUNG. So for me to hear this from such a woman, it really got me thinking about my own choice to be celibate and the struggle I have with it day to day.
For her, she found that sex complicated things very early on in her relationships and didn’t really enable her to get to know the kinds of men she was dealing with character wise. She apparently has been through a lot and felt that she wasn’t really loving herself enough to make better choices in men and to stop using sex as a tool to gain love and acceptance. Of course after being hurt in her last relationship, she made the choice to withhold from sex until the guy she is with has proven to earn that part of her through developing a stronger bond/relationship without intimacy so early on.
So Here we have a SUPPPERMODEL who is experiencing what every other woman is who is beneath her in the looks dept. when it comes to CASUAL sex and the complications it brings with relationships these days. IOW’s ladies it doesn’t matter how hot or how far up the ladder your SMV is, if you don’t make smart choices, you will be hurt. PERIOD.
Its just so funny I came across her interview tonight b/c I was just this week dealing with some of my own personal push/pulls of being celibate myself and questioning if it was the right or smart thing for me to do. And as I was finalizing my thoughts on “this celibacy thing Neecy is REAL STUPID” I kept saying to myself that I was tired of trying to be the “good girl” and do the right thing while all my friends are out having all the good sex one can enjoy (albeit at the expense of their emotional and physical health) and calling me NUTSOS for not doing the same. I started asking God why on earth would I make such a crazy choice for myself when I still have the ability to fulfill these sexual needs. But as a person I am strong willed and hold tight to my convictions, values and morals – even to my own chagrin. I don’t want to give into them for superficial reasons. But I am human and have desires like every woman. So literally yesterday I had decided I didn’t want to be celibate anymore and that I was just going to go with the flow. But as always when I start doubting my choices and values, God always has a way of bringing me back to reality of why I made these choices.
Now I am not saying Jessica is some Angel sent from heaven that has caused me to rethink my celibacy – but seeing her interview does and has put things back into perspective for me –especially coming from a woman like Jessica who has a high SMV and should have men falling at her feet ready to sweep her up and rush her to the alter. BUT the important thing I took from the little piece was – it has shown me that *ALL* women have to at some point deal with how sex is or isn’t complicated things in their lives when it comes to relationships and men. The fact is, all women need to really be cognizant of how they want sex to play a role in their lives and be prepared for the rewards and/or consequences of such choices. B/C today sex is not such a hot commodity anymore. Its easy to get for many men, and the words/terms Vagina/bottled water are so interchangeable today.
So what’s the deal with celibacy and why do people choose it. How do people really feel about it these days? Is it stupid for any woman today to practice celibacy in a sea full of swimming semen and bodily fluids everywhere? I mean what would possess a person to make such a bold choice these days? Especially a woman. And do men even *THINK* about celibacy? Probably not. But I do wonder what issues men deal with equally to female celibacy.
For me, its not so much about the sex. I enjoy sex and think about it QUITE OFTEN. But its just I have always been the person that always likes to be on the path to least resistence. In the Monogamy post we started talking about marriage & LTR’s and how people run at the first sign of infatuation tapering off. They cannot handle the real work that is involved in making a LTR – a relationship. Once the lust/infatuation high dies, people start cheating and running away. So for me what sex does when its done too early or not with the right person is creates a fast forward of infatuation and emotions that human beings cannot seem to balance out for longer term relationships. Women are also often driven by their emotions and a really good way to create emotional stress for oneself is by having intimacy with the wrong guys. If you’re a woman who is not really looking for relationships or LTRs I guess sex wouldn’t be an issue. But most women want a relationship with a male that she hopes to grow into something more meaningful and deeper – YES MOST WOMEN WANT THIS. It may not be marriage per se, but women want to bond and be with a man they like/love. But when women start using sex as their gateway to male affection/love/desirability/relationships it comes back to bite us in the arse. So I guess that’s my reason for choosing such. I haven’t met *that guy* that just makes me feel he is not in it for the physical ride. The best way to protect my feelings, emotions, and needs for bonding to the RIGHT male, is to withhold from sex.
Men being driven by sex most of the time will often not have to wait around long for a woman he is not really interested in for long-term commitment if she is not giving up sex very early. So I guess the beauty of it all is a woman will surely know if a man is the right one b/c if he is willing to wait for sex until the time feels right for the female, then he obviously values her enough to want to be with her in other ways other than sexually. Now I don’t really put time frames on intimacy. But for me, if I feel this person has proven to be genuinely interested in me for more than the physical and we enjoy each others time and company in other ways, and this person is looking to progress the relationship, then I think that’s a good time for intimacy. That time frame can be different for each person.
But when sex does happen in these instances, its just an added bonus to an already established well developed relationship that already has sturdy legs. It takes work for a man and woman who are attracted to one another to hold off on sex and find other qualities they love and enjoy about each other. There is no speedy infatuation/lust period when sex is on the backburner. The infatuation is with the PERSON and not just based on emotions or feeeelings that have been developed through physical intimacy. The fact is women do connect emotionally to their partners through sex – therefore its a bigger burden on us to make sure we choose the best person for intimacy or we pay the emotional cost later. Men, I’m not so sure have that same burden.
At the end of the day, the question remains – does a woman just let it go and throw away all the stringent rules and go with what feels right, or does a woman today have to stand by her convictions, miss out some and hope for that light at the end of the tunnel? Faith is a mofo. b/C it requires for you to believe & hope in things you cannot see. Right now that’s all I got. But its soo much easier sometimes to just DO IT, go with the flow, and hope for the best. And…. so the push/pull struggle continues. But ome thing’s for sure – I’ll be buying more MAYBELLINE 😉