OMG. I just discovered I am a Supermodel!

Well. at least I *think* like one.  Sooo that makes me at least *CLOSE* to a supermodel…right? Wait *plugging my ears and closing my eyes* Don’t answer that!

As I was LITERALLY coming up with this idea to post on this very topic, God led me to a perfect piece to use. I was scouring another site I visit and happened upon a twitter link from the blog host that read “Jessica White vows celibacy”. Of course I already knew Jess is a current supermodel b/c being the make-up junkie that I am, I was aware of her Maybelline ads. She has also done work for Sports Illustrated.  In this interview she was discussing her choice in being celibate. Jessica is GORGEOUS (yes that’s her in the above pic in all her zero body fat glory – BITCH) *oh where was I*  AND she is also still YOUNG. So for me to hear this from such a woman, it really got me thinking about my own choice to be celibate and the struggle I have with it day to day.

 For her, she found that sex complicated things very early on in her relationships and didn’t really enable her to get to know the kinds of men she was dealing with character wise. She apparently has been through a  lot and felt that she wasn’t really loving herself enough to make better choices in men and to stop using sex as a tool to gain love and acceptance. Of course after being hurt in her last relationship, she made the choice to withhold from sex until the  guy she is with has proven to earn that part of her through developing a stronger bond/relationship without intimacy so early on.

So Here we have a SUPPPERMODEL who is experiencing what every other woman is who is beneath her in the looks dept. when it comes to CASUAL sex and the complications it brings with relationships these days. IOW’s ladies it doesn’t matter how hot or how far up the ladder your SMV is, if you don’t make smart choices, you will be hurt. PERIOD.

Its just so funny I came across her interview tonight b/c I was just this week dealing with some of my own personal push/pulls of being celibate myself and questioning if it was the right or smart thing for me to do. And as I was finalizing my thoughts on “this celibacy thing Neecy is REAL STUPID”  I kept saying to myself that I was tired of trying to be the “good girl” and do the right thing while all my friends are out having all the good sex one can enjoy (albeit at the expense of their emotional and physical health) and calling me NUTSOS for not doing the same. I started asking God why on earth would I make such a crazy choice for myself when I still have the ability to fulfill these sexual needs. But as a person I am strong willed and hold tight to my convictions, values and morals – even to my own chagrin. I don’t want to give into them for superficial reasons. But I am human and have desires like every woman. So literally yesterday I had decided I didn’t want to be  celibate anymore and that I was just going to go with the flow. But as always when I start doubting my choices and values, God always has a way of bringing me back to reality of why I made these choices.

Now I am not saying Jessica is some Angel sent from heaven that has caused me to rethink my celibacy – but seeing her interview  does and has put things back into perspective for me –especially coming from a woman like Jessica who has a high SMV and should have men falling at her feet ready to sweep her up and rush her to the alter. BUT the important thing I took from the little piece was –  it has shown me that *ALL*  women have to at some point deal with how sex is or isn’t complicated things in their lives when it comes to relationships and men. The fact is, all women need to really be cognizant of how they want sex to play a role in their lives and be prepared for the rewards and/or consequences of such choices. B/C today sex is not such a hot commodity anymore. Its easy to get for many men, and the words/terms Vagina/bottled water are so interchangeable today.  

So what’s the deal with celibacy and why do people choose it.  How do people really feel about it these days? Is it stupid for any woman today to practice celibacy in a sea full of swimming semen and bodily fluids everywhere? I mean what would possess a person to make such a bold choice these days?  Especially a woman. And do men even *THINK* about celibacy? Probably not. But I do wonder what issues men deal with equally to female celibacy.

For me, its not so much about the sex. I enjoy sex and think about it QUITE OFTEN. But its just I have always been the person that always likes to be on the path to least resistence. In the Monogamy post we started talking about marriage & LTR’s and how people run at the first sign of infatuation tapering off. They cannot handle the real work that is involved in making a LTR – a relationship. Once the lust/infatuation high dies, people start cheating and running away. So for me what sex does when its done too early or not with the right person is creates a fast forward of infatuation and emotions that human beings cannot seem to balance out for longer term relationships. Women are also often driven by their emotions and a really good way to create emotional stress for oneself is by having intimacy with the wrong guys. If you’re a woman who is not really looking for relationships or LTRs I guess sex wouldn’t be an issue. But most women want a relationship with a male that she hopes to grow into something more meaningful and deeper – YES MOST WOMEN WANT THIS. It may not be marriage per se, but women want to bond and be with a man they like/love.  But when women start using sex as their gateway to male affection/love/desirability/relationships it comes back to bite us in the arse.  So I guess that’s my reason for choosing such. I haven’t met *that guy* that just makes me feel he is not in it for the physical ride. The best way to protect my feelings, emotions, and needs for bonding to the RIGHT male, is to withhold from sex.

Men being driven by sex most of the time will often not have to wait around long for a woman he is not really interested in for long-term commitment if she is not giving up sex very early. So I guess the beauty of it all is a woman will surely know if a man is the right one b/c if he is willing to wait for sex until the time feels right for the female, then he obviously values her enough to want to be with her in other ways other than sexually. Now I don’t really put time frames on intimacy. But for me, if I feel this person has proven to be genuinely interested in me for more than the physical and we enjoy each others time and company in other ways, and this person is looking to progress the relationship, then I think that’s a good time for intimacy. That time frame can be different for each person.

But when sex does happen in these instances,  its just an added bonus to an already established well developed relationship that already has sturdy legs. It takes work for a man and woman who are attracted to one another to hold off on sex and find other qualities they love and enjoy about each other. There is no speedy infatuation/lust period when sex is on the backburner. The infatuation is with the PERSON and not just based on emotions or feeeelings that have been developed through physical intimacy. The fact is  women do connect emotionally to their partners through sex – therefore its a bigger burden on us to make sure we choose the best person for intimacy or we pay the emotional cost later. Men, I’m not so sure have that same burden.

 At the end of the day, the question remains – does a woman just let it go and throw away all the stringent rules and go with what feels right, or does a woman today have to stand by her convictions, miss out some and hope for that light at the end of the tunnel? Faith is a mofo. b/C it requires for you to believe & hope in things you cannot see. Right now that’s all I got. But its soo much easier sometimes to just DO IT, go with the flow,  and hope for the best. And…. so the  push/pull struggle continues. But ome thing’s for sure – I’ll be buying more MAYBELLINE 😉

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22 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. n/a
    Aug 19, 2011 @ 08:43:03

    Neecy,

    I’ve exhausted my Neecyisticness for the day in my previous post, but I’ll come back here at some point and belabor the obvious, which is: celibacy is too dry and dusty a thing for a girl so alive. I could say other things, ruder things but no less true for that, but somehow you’ve forced me to be an unlikely gentleman.

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    • Neecy
      Aug 19, 2011 @ 17:46:00

      LOL N/A I’m a big girl I can handle. And yeah you have a way of leaving a woman hanging with all these subtle hints about her then dropping off. WTH man!!! 🙂

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  2. zorro
    Aug 19, 2011 @ 10:26:29

    Seriously, if you’re going totally celibate, then that means I’ve got 35 pounds of fresh pineapple that’s going to waste!

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  3. Marellus
    Aug 19, 2011 @ 11:27:52

    Why not join a dating site then. And if you did, what was experiences with it ???

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    • Neecy
      Aug 19, 2011 @ 17:52:38

      UGH. HAAATE dating sites. Feels so unnatural to me. The only reason I recently joined one was b/c I got a free 3 month trial membership. I have found, I dread emailing people back and forth about basic stuff. hell i barely even filled out all of the profile information and i am too lazy to even write a paragraph “about myself”. WTH can I say in one paragraph about myself? Its just so contrived to me. I indulge every now and then, but for the most part I have no interest and I don’t put that much effort into it.

      And then the emails some of these men send I’m like REALY? How do I respond to that. Some guy sent me an email saying “hey there! I see we’re neighbors and I would like to get to know you better” HUHHHHHH? Ugh…

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  4. Liza207
    Aug 19, 2011 @ 16:52:16

    I think celibacy is a good thing. Being sexually active comes with a lot of complications (emotional baggage, STD’s, unwanted pregnancy and so on). I find that life is less complicated when you’re not dealing with these potential issues, in my opinion.

    It’s just not in vogue for women to respect their bodies anymore. Any woman who isn’t allowing men to treat her body like a sperm receptacle is a freak of some kind or frigid (this is my favorite) – things are really out of whack. You see, it’s just absurd for a woman in this day and age to abstain from sex because she respects herself or wants a real commitment first – it seems that all women are perceived to be promiscuous by default these days.

    I also want add that, a woman referred to me as manipulative because I said that I wanted a commitment before having sex with a guy – we as women have really lost our senses.

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    • Neecy
      Aug 19, 2011 @ 18:01:16

      Liza,

      You are so right. While celibacy can be boring and cause extreme thoughts about sex (lol) I canhonestly say it feels good to not be dealing with so many issues my friends deal with in the aftermath of their sexual escapdes with various men. None of them are any better off than I am in that they have found a good or decent man as a result of having sexual relations.

      What people don’t realize is its not that women who choose celibacy don’t *want* to have sex, they just want it to be with a guy who is going to stick around for something more than that. Its hard to ever really determine this if you have sex with a guy you are unsure of. its like a risk and the more risks you take, the more you end up sleeping with a bunch of people until you hit the jackpot. Some of us just want to avoid having to sleep around with a billion frogs before finding our Prince.

      And there is nothing manipulative about a woman holding off on sex until a man has proven his worth for her intimacy by showing he has more interest in her than a sexual escapade or two. Women who say that are just looking for excuses to justify why they choose to sleep around with a ton of men. I also had a friend use the tired ole cliche one day while we had a disagreement about something totally unrelated to sex. She said my “problem” was that I am uptight b/c I don’t have casual sex. I had to remind her last i checked she was still a miserable “B*tch” who had not yet seemed to get what she wanted out of a man – despite the fact she will screw anything she meets within a two second time frame no matter where we are. Needless to say, she has never gone there with me again. LOL

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      • Liza207
        Aug 19, 2011 @ 19:07:01

        Neecy,

        Yeah those women are always so miserable (except for the sociopaths it is as if they can’t feel anything at all) and they tend to be very insecure. I don’t envy their lifestyle at all.

        And I don’t know how a woman could enjoy sex with a total stranger they just meet, all I would be thinking during it is; doesn’t he have a STD or is he a serial killer. No thanks.

        She needed to be put in her place. If she is happy with her lifestyle choice what is it to her that you have chosen to abstain from having sex?

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      • Neecy
        Aug 20, 2011 @ 20:21:29

        Exactly. i was so hurt by her comment b/c as women we should support each other’s choices – as long as no one is hurting anyone. Whenever she goes off with some stranger to have sex or whenever she tell me about her crazy sex hook ups, I never judge her. All i say is “be careful missy”. So for her to say that to me was a slap in the face considering I never talked down to her or about her loose sexual lifestyle.

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  5. Liza207
    Aug 19, 2011 @ 19:15:30

    I threw in the sociopath comment in there because it is said that sociopathic women tend to be very promiscuous and they are also very emotionally detached from their sexual encounters.

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    • Neecy
      Aug 20, 2011 @ 20:22:09

      I wonder what percentage of women fit htis profile today. that would be interesting to know…

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      • Liza207
        Aug 21, 2011 @ 20:11:52

        Neecy,

        They claim sociopathic females are rare but I believe everyone knows one. I have one in my family and one that I work with. So, they are not that rare as they claim these days. They tend to lack empathy and enjoy manipulating and exploiting others. They were also likely to engage in impersonal sexual relationships.

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      • Neecy
        Aug 21, 2011 @ 20:18:08

        Sounds like the tons of female bosses all of my previous co workers (both male and female) hated. It seemed all these women had those same qualities. I guess these women would be considered extremely masculinized in nature.

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  6. zorro
    Aug 20, 2011 @ 09:05:33

    I just read that Jessica White was arrested in NYC for seriously beating the crap out of another woman.

    Not nice. And certainly not attractive.

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    • Neecy
      Aug 20, 2011 @ 18:17:15

      WHAT?! OMG that is just tacky. She obviously has some issues she needs to work out. I hate when people ruin whatever beauty they have with nasty actions. And you are right, that makes a woman very unnattrcative doing stuff like that. I guess she is trying to beat out Naomi Campbell for Craziest supermodel ever. SMH.

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  7. n/a
    Aug 20, 2011 @ 11:20:32

    So, you want me to sing your praises in ferociously obscene phrases?

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    • Neecy
      Aug 20, 2011 @ 18:18:29

      Welll. uuuuh. MMM HMMM. I never said i didn’t like dirty talk (not toooo dirty). I mean I can’t catch any STD’s or anything. LOL

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  8. n/a
    Aug 20, 2011 @ 11:22:58

    Oh, and btw, it’s CRYBABIES that you hate.

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    • Neecy
      Aug 20, 2011 @ 18:19:27

      *OH GAAAWD* There is nothing more embaressing than trying to insult people and not even spelling the insult right. *sigh* I’ll get it together one of these days. LOL

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  9. Maya
    Aug 22, 2011 @ 17:28:57

    Thanks for posting this video. She’s inspiring. Not so nice that she was arrested though.

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    • Neecy
      Aug 22, 2011 @ 19:33:58

      Yeah hopefully she did that before she discovered how much God loves her. LOL Looks like she may be tyring to make some positive changes in her life. Not sure if the interview was done before or after her fighting incident.

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