DOMINATION. rrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!! *vagina check. ladies (all 2 of us here lol) how does the vagina react when hearing that word*
Well Its Mundane Monday – UGH Monday’s suck! I need some stimulation to get my day and week started – *oh that’s really sweet of you to try to hand me a cup of coffee, but uh I had something else in mind* like a, uhm, ummm, GINA TINGLE to be exact! Who wants coffee for stimulation when there are plenty of gina tingles waiting in the wings??
OK so. I just try to let the gina tingles happen naturally and this morning the word that got me all excited and hot under the collar bone was – DOMINANCE. Ooooooh yeah! What comes to mind when you hear or see that word? Dominance can be viewed in so many different ways and situations – both positive and negative. But for today we will focus on Dominance in the sense of male and female interactions – both relationships and sex.
*MOM if you happen to figure out how to work a computer, learn the internet and what a search engine is, and just so happen to fall onto my blog at this very moment – please close your eyes and plug your ears!. Thanks you and love you!*
Okay now that’s done…. Just for the record when I speak of domination sexually and physically in this post I am *NOT* referring to sexual practices like S & M or other dominatrix things. I am talking normal sexual encounters where a woman is in a relationship with a man who simply takes the lead and takes control. Also in relationships I am speaking more from normal a MASCULINE/dominant aspect where a feminine woman wants to feel protected. Also I am *NOT* talking about game of any sort or the kind of dominance that some PUA’s suggest to get women (i.e. jerk like behavior) etc.
Do women like dominant men? YES. But the question is why. Also, how many women will openly or secretly admit to loving a man that takes control in the bedroom by dominating her in various ways? Why or why not would women admit to liking this? Now I don’t claim to speak for all women b/c women in general are not monolithic – but there are just simple certain characteristics each gender finds desirable and satisfying across the board. Dominance from the right man for women is one of those traits that seem to get even the most masculinized bonified ball busting biddy berry berry excited.
As I often mention on this blog, in a feminist society (I’m talking EXTREME FEMINISM gone overboard) the result is often to make women feel guilty of some things that we may desire naturally as women biologically. Some extreme feminists see any kinds of female inclinations of any sort as weak and pandering/catering to men. So some of the ideals in feminism are that women should not do or desire things naturally that would not put her in the realm of feeling as a man’s competition. IOW’s it’s a badge of honor for women today to openly express and celebrate masculine desires and characteristics – even if they don’t really buy into it or believe it. As a result a lot of women today suppress their desires to admit to wanting some form of domination from men in their lives. The word domination, dominance, dominate, domineering, often have negative connotations that walk hand in hand with terms like aggressive, macho, hardcore and other words and phrases than elicit more negative feelings than positive. But as I said dominance has so many different ways in which its used and exploited. Sometimes more beneficial and other times not so beneficial to the parties on the receiving end of a dominant person.
Many women who have not accepted their femininity for what it is or who feel guilty, inferior, confused and/or “icky” about it, often times try to live up to a more masculinized version that says “just say no” to anything that could make you as a woman feel or be more like a woman and less like a man. I don’t need to go into my ideals personally (as I have covered it in previous posts) on how I feel men and women function differently biologically and thus why we desire and crave for very different things as genders. Usually those differences in what we desire or crave as genders work towards the common goal to bring balance and pleasure for both genders. A woman who can, IMO admit to liking a dominant male in her life both sexually and emotionally in some parts of her relationship with him, is a woman who knows her power and is willing to barter it for her emotional/physical pleasure as well as her partners – AND still be emotionally and mentally in tact as a person and woman. IOW’s you don’t have to be insecure, weak or male identified to love or like being dominated by a man in certain areas of your life. Its okay to not always be in control or in power when in relationships is my philosophy. As long as you are with the *right* person this shouldn’t be an issue.
A good example today of how women are in a tug of war with themselves based on sexuality and desires from the opposite sex based on society’s perceptions, ideals and “directions” is the current modern day career woman. Take for example the upwardly mobile career woman or just a woman in general who is successful in her professional life. More than ever women today are doing well for themselves in the professional and educated arena. This offers women independence and a will to survive on her own and take care of herself if need be. Additionally , women being able to choose their career paths, and passions also provides a fulfilling internal aspect that relates to feelings of worth, pleasure and a part of the reason for simply living – to fulfill goals, dreams and tangible efforts. We don’t necessarily have to be married anymore to have a roof over our heads b/c now women can make and carve out a decent living for themselves through careers unlike the past. The salaries of women in the workplace have increased dramatically and as such many women can and do choose independence when necessary. These are not bad things at all.
However, it does put women in a weird position in trying to understand how to balance their desires to fulfill their career goals/passions (which may require being somewhat masculine) to get ahead and be successful with balancing their needs and natural feminine desires to also feel taken care of, loved, and in the arms of a masculine/dominant man that will take up that masculine/dominant role in other areas of her life. This is a struggle for A LOT of successful women. Of course with the success and upward mobility of women comes the idea or reality that we are in some cases competing with men in some areas in work. In the past many women were stay at home mothers who raised children and usually didn’t work in jobs or positions held by males or ones in which they held positions as superiors to men or equals to men.
I myself am an Outside Business to Business Sales representative. Its quite an aggressive field in some industries and mainly was a boys club for many years. Now more and more women are in the sales fields and often times we can be and are often successful. In my job I have to be focused, assertive, independent and able to communicate effectively with various people on many different levels and from various backgrounds. So at work, you could say I am a go getter to the fullest. If I am not, I don’t get the nice bonus/commission checks that come with the territory of performing well in a Sales environment. Additionally, in sales if you don’t produce, you don’t have a job. So it requires a great deal of competiveness, persistence and some masculine approaches to getting what you want.
So while at work I have to exhibit a little more masculine traits than I normally would – assertiveness, independence, persistence. And this is not to say those are bad traits to have in any area of one’s life, be them male or female, but generally those traits are considered masculine. However, at the end of the day when my work is done and I come home, as a woman I want to come home and not feel I have to be who I am in the workplace at home. While I am not in a relationship at this moment nor do I have children, I still place myself in the mindset that when I do enter into a relationship I will most likely still be working and having to exhibit those above traits – AT WORK. I’m not sure if I will have children but if I do, IDEALLY my desire is to be able to raise them as a mother at home without the worry of having other people take care of them. I feel that children need consistent motherly bonding for the very early stages in their lives and nothing can replace that.
Be that as it may….. when I get home, I want to come home to a man that makes me feel like Neecy – the feminine woman I am. Yes I have a father and daddy who raised me and loves me – so I am not looking for a father figure. But I am looking for another form of man to fulfill my desires as a woman that in some ways like my dad will take care of me (physically and emotionally), have my back and take control and *YES* sometimes make me feel like a helpless little girl who needs a savior to rescue her (LOL I know some people are thinking I am nutsos right now – that’s okay). I am not ashamed to admit this, nor am I saying every single woman on earth wants this. I am purely and totally confident with my power as a woman, my achievements, my successes, goals and desires to be the best I can be in this world with or without a male companion.
BUT in my longing state, this is what I desire- that would be the perfect set up. I want a man I can trust to do this. that he will be a man that takes the proper control and makes me feel taken care of and yes dominated sexually. No shame in my game. I don’t want to be the assertive, persistent, independent Neecy the B2B sales Rep who needs to empathetically stomp out her competitors to get to my goals – the nice pay checks, bonuses, commissions and accolades from my boss for a job well done.
I want to be a different person at home that has a man who has those qualities in the relationship and bedroom. Is that too much to ask? Does this mean I am trying to have my cake and eat it too? Possibly. But at the end of the day I as well as plenty of other successful women WANT a dominant man that isn’t afraid to take the reins in the relationship and bedroom. Now, the caveat to this is – the man has to be one the woman trusts enough to be willing to submit to and take his dominance. If it is an effeminate man, misogynist man trying to play MASCULIEN DOMINATE man, it’s not gonna work fellas! You have to have the true understanding, desire and will to know how to do this and make the woman feel totally game at giving in to your dominance and masculinity.
Believe it or not even masculinized feminist women CRRRRAVE this kind of male power in their personal and sexual lives. But b/c of their masculine vibes, masculine dominant men tend to bypass them for more feminine acting women. Therefore, these masculine successful women end up in relationships with males who are either afraid to exude too much masculinity (b/c she doesn’t make room for it) or who simply are the yin to her yang and take up the more effeminant role in the relationship. Hey whatever works for each couple is fine with me. But in a general sense, MOST women would not prefer this set up.
Now the question I have often and still quite often ask myself is this: Would I be willing to date a man who makes less money than I do BUT carries a significant amount of masculinity, dominance, confidence and character despite my possibly being more successful in my professional life/career than he? Can a man BE all those things comfortably with a woman that does financially better than he? In this society males who make less than their partners are often made to feel inadequate as men. This in return causes some feelings of resentment on both the male and female part in the relationship. But this is becoming more and more of a reality that many women today *DO* make more money than their partners – and as a result have to possibly consider they may fall in love with a man who makes less money than they do. So as women today who are successful we often have to ask ourselves if we’d be willing to be with a man that makes less than us and if we do can he still measure up to being a masculine man with enough confidence to understand it for what it is without being resentful but still being able to take control in other areas of her life where she may want to release that power that she normally has to have in the workplace?
I’d like to hear what both males and females think of this set up. Men do you feel inadequate if you’re with a woman who makes more than you and would this inhibit you from being dominate in the relationship/bed knowing this? Ladies, would you be unable to accept a man who makes less than you if he tried being dominant in the relationship? IOW’s would his credibility as a dominate man be based solely on whether he makes less or is more successful than you? These are just questions and not me making any judgments. I’m really curious as to how some men and women feel about this common shift in relationships and how it plays a role in dominance and whether the man can do it despite the issue and whether a woman can accept it based on the situation outlined above.