Mundane Monday’s Gina Tingle of the day….

DOMINATION. rrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!! *vagina check. ladies (all 2 of us here lol) how does the vagina react when hearing that word*

Well Its Mundane Monday – UGH Monday’s suck! I need some stimulation to get my day and week started – *oh that’s really sweet of you to try to hand me a cup of coffee, but uh I had something else in mind* like a, uhm, ummm,  GINA TINGLE to be exact!  Who wants coffee for stimulation when there are plenty of gina tingles waiting in the wings??  

 OK so. I just try to let the gina tingles happen naturally and this morning the word that got me all excited and hot under the collar bone was – DOMINANCE. Ooooooh yeah!  What comes to mind when you hear or see that word? Dominance can be viewed in so many different ways and situations – both positive and negative. But for today we will focus on Dominance in the sense of male and female interactions – both relationships and sex.

 *MOM if you happen to figure out how to work a computer, learn the internet and what a  search engine is, and just so happen to fall onto my blog at this very moment – please close your eyes and plug your ears!. Thanks you and love you!*

 Okay now that’s done…. Just for the record when I speak of domination sexually and physically in this post I am *NOT* referring to sexual practices like S & M or other dominatrix things. I am talking normal sexual encounters where a woman is in a relationship with a man who  simply takes the lead and takes control. Also in relationships I am speaking more from normal a MASCULINE/dominant aspect  where a feminine woman wants to feel protected. Also I am *NOT* talking about game of any sort or the kind of dominance that some PUA’s suggest to get women (i.e. jerk like behavior) etc.

Do women like dominant men? YES. But the question is why. Also, how many women will openly or secretly admit to loving a man that takes control in the bedroom by dominating her in various ways?  Why or why not would women admit to liking this? Now I don’t  claim to speak for all women b/c women in general are not monolithic – but there are just simple certain characteristics each gender finds desirable and satisfying across the board. Dominance from the right man for women is one of those traits that seem to get even the most masculinized bonified ball busting biddy berry berry excited.

As I often mention on this blog, in a feminist society (I’m talking EXTREME FEMINISM gone overboard) the result is often to make women feel guilty of some things that we may desire naturally as women biologically. Some extreme feminists see any kinds of female inclinations of any sort as weak and pandering/catering to men. So some of the ideals in feminism are that women should not do or desire things naturally that would not put her in the realm of feeling as a man’s competition.  IOW’s it’s a badge of honor for women today to openly express and celebrate masculine desires and characteristics – even if they don’t really buy into it or believe it. As a result a lot of women today suppress their desires to admit to wanting some form of domination from men in their lives. The word domination, dominance, dominate, domineering, often have negative connotations that walk hand in hand with terms like aggressive, macho, hardcore and other words and phrases than elicit more negative feelings than positive. But as I said dominance has so many different ways in which its used and exploited. Sometimes more beneficial and other times not so beneficial to the parties on the receiving end of a dominant person.

Many women who have not accepted their femininity for what it is or who feel guilty, inferior, confused  and/or  “icky” about it, often times try to live up to a more masculinized version that says “just say no” to anything that could make you as a woman feel or be more like a woman and less like a man. I don’t need to go into my ideals personally (as I have covered it in previous posts) on how I feel men and women function differently biologically and thus why we desire and crave for very different things as genders. Usually those differences in what we desire or crave as genders work towards the common goal to bring balance and pleasure for both genders. A woman who can,  IMO admit to liking a dominant male in her life both sexually and emotionally  in some parts of her relationship with him,  is a woman who knows her power and is willing to barter it for her emotional/physical pleasure as well as her partners – AND still be emotionally and mentally in tact as a person and woman. IOW’s you don’t have to be insecure, weak or male identified to love or like being dominated by a man in certain areas of your life. Its okay to not always be in control or in power when in relationships is my philosophy. As long as you are with the *right* person this shouldn’t be an issue.

A good example today of how women are in a tug of war with themselves based on sexuality and desires from the opposite sex  based on society’s perceptions, ideals and “directions”  is the current modern day career woman. Take for example the upwardly mobile career woman or just a woman in general who is successful in her professional life. More than ever women today are doing well for themselves in the professional and educated arena. This offers women independence and a will to survive on her own and take care of herself if need be. Additionally , women being able to choose their career paths, and passions also provides a fulfilling internal aspect that relates to feelings of worth, pleasure and a part of the reason for simply living – to fulfill goals, dreams and tangible efforts. We don’t necessarily have to be married anymore to have a roof over our heads b/c now women can make and carve out a decent living for themselves through careers unlike the past. The salaries of women in the workplace have increased dramatically and as such many women can and do choose independence when necessary. These are not bad things at all.

However, it does put women in a weird position in trying to understand how to balance their desires to fulfill their career goals/passions (which may require being somewhat masculine) to get ahead and be successful with balancing their needs and natural feminine desires to also feel taken care of, loved, and in the arms of a masculine/dominant man that will take up that masculine/dominant role in other areas of her life. This is a struggle for A LOT of successful women. Of course with the success and upward mobility of women comes the idea or reality that we are in some cases competing with men in some areas in work. In the past many women were stay at home mothers who raised children and usually didn’t work in jobs or positions held by males or ones in which they held positions as superiors to men or equals to men.

I myself am an Outside Business to Business Sales representative. Its quite an aggressive field in some industries and mainly was a boys club for many years. Now more and more women are in the sales fields and often times we can be and are  often successful. In my job I have to be focused,  assertive, independent and able to communicate effectively with various people on many different levels and from various backgrounds. So at work, you could say I am a go getter to the fullest. If I am not, I don’t get the nice bonus/commission checks that come with the territory of performing well in a Sales environment. Additionally,  in sales if you don’t produce, you don’t have a job. So it requires a great deal of competiveness, persistence and some masculine approaches to getting what you want.

So while at work I have to exhibit a little more masculine traits than I normally would  – assertiveness, independence, persistence. And this is not to say those are bad traits to have in any area of one’s life, be them male or female, but generally those traits are considered masculine. However, at the end of the day when my work is done and I come home, as a woman I want to come home and not feel I have to be who I am in the workplace at home. While I am not in a relationship at this moment nor do I have children, I still place myself in the mindset that when I do enter into a relationship I will most likely still be working and having to exhibit those above traits – AT WORK. I’m not sure if I will have children but if I do, IDEALLY my desire is to be able to raise them as a mother at home without the worry of having other people take care of them. I feel that children need consistent motherly  bonding for the very early stages in their lives and nothing can replace that.

Be that as it may….. when I get home, I want to come home to a man that makes me feel like Neecy – the feminine woman I am.  Yes I have a father and daddy who raised me and loves me – so I am not looking for a father figure. But I am looking for another form of man to fulfill my desires as a woman that in some ways like my dad will take care of me (physically and emotionally), have my back and take control and *YES* sometimes make me feel like a helpless little girl who needs a savior to rescue her (LOL I know some people are thinking I am nutsos right now – that’s okay). I am not ashamed to admit this, nor am I saying every single woman on earth wants this. I am purely and totally confident with my power as a woman, my achievements, my successes, goals and desires to be the best I can be in this world with or without a male companion.

BUT in my longing state, this is what I desire- that would be the perfect set up. I want a man I can trust to do this. that he will be a man that takes the proper control and makes me feel taken care of and yes dominated sexually.   No shame in my game. I don’t want to be the assertive, persistent, independent Neecy the B2B sales Rep who needs to empathetically  stomp out her competitors to get to my goals – the nice pay checks, bonuses, commissions and accolades from my boss for a job well done.

I want to be a different person at home that has a man who has those qualities in the relationship and bedroom. Is that too much to ask? Does this mean I am trying to have my cake and eat it too? Possibly. But at the end of the day I as well as plenty of other successful women WANT a dominant man that isn’t afraid to take the reins in the relationship and bedroom. Now, the caveat to this is – the man has to be one the woman trusts enough to be willing to submit to and take his dominance. If it is an effeminate man, misogynist man trying to play MASCULIEN DOMINATE man, it’s not gonna work fellas! You have to have the true understanding, desire and will to know how to do this and make the woman feel totally game at giving in to your dominance and masculinity.

Believe it or not even masculinized feminist women CRRRRAVE this kind of male power in their personal  and sexual lives. But b/c of their masculine vibes, masculine dominant men tend to bypass them for more feminine acting women. Therefore, these masculine successful women end up in relationships with males who are either afraid to exude too much masculinity (b/c she doesn’t make room for it) or who simply are the yin to her yang and take up the more effeminant role in the relationship. Hey whatever works for each couple is fine with me. But in a general sense, MOST women would not prefer this set up.

Now the question I have often and still quite often ask myself is this: Would I be willing to date a man who makes less money than I do BUT carries a significant amount of masculinity, dominance, confidence and character despite my possibly being more successful in my professional life/career than he?  Can a man BE all those things comfortably with a woman that does financially better than he? In this society males who make less than their partners are often made to feel inadequate as men. This in return causes some feelings of resentment on both the male and female part in the relationship.  But this is becoming more and more of a reality that many women today *DO* make more money than their partners – and as a result have to possibly consider they may fall in love with a man who makes less money than they do. So as women today who are successful we often have to ask ourselves if we’d be willing to be with a man that makes less than us and if we do can he still measure up to being a masculine man with enough confidence to understand it for what it is without being resentful but still being able to take control in other areas of her life where she may want to release that power that she normally has to have in the workplace?

I’d like to hear what both males and females think of this set up. Men do you feel inadequate if you’re with a woman who makes more than you and would this inhibit you from being dominate in the relationship/bed knowing this? Ladies, would you be unable to accept a man who makes less than you if he tried being dominant in the relationship? IOW’s would his credibility as a dominate man be based solely on whether he makes less or is more successful than you? These are just questions and not me making any judgments. I’m really curious as to how some men and women feel about this common shift in relationships and how it  plays a role in dominance and whether the man can do it despite the  issue and whether a woman can accept it  based on the situation outlined above.

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101 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Marellus
    Aug 22, 2011 @ 20:02:53

    Neecy.

    I read it. Interesting. Now here is an observation. Even if one party in a relationship does make more than the other, that difference in salary should be saved, and not spent. These are tough times to live in. And it is going to get even tougher.

    So what do I mean ? If hubby earns $4000 a month, and wifey earns $8000, then wifey makes $4000 more than hubby. Why not take that $4000 and save it ? Either in some good bonds, or gold or whatever.

    That way if the cacky hits the fanny, there is a fund to tide you over. Will it work ? Not really. In the event of divorce, someone will get that money free and clear. And the male commenters here will point out your faults if you disagree.

    So where is the incentive to do this ?

    And how to keep the relationship going then ? That requires game/dominance, but there’s a difference in talking about it, and practicing it. Believe me I know.

    It’s just a buggerup.

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    • Neecy
      Aug 22, 2011 @ 20:49:47

      “So where is the incentive to do this ?”

      To do what? You mean have two people on different levels of salary in a relationship? In this case it would seem that the person (be it woman or male) who makes the most money will lose out in a divorce. So its just as much a risk for women as it is for men in that aspect b/c the breadwinner will pay out despite their gender. I wasn’t really clear what you were referring to so forgive me if I am off base.

      “And how to keep the relationship going then ? That requires game/dominance, but there’s a difference in talking about it, and practicing it. Believe me I know. ”

      I should be more clear. When I speak of dominance I am not in any way referring to game or being an asshole as PUA’s suggest. I don’t agree with game. I more so relate dominance in this case to masculinity – i.e. a confident man who takes control in some areas of the relationship. This is not about alpha or beta or game. Simply a man being a man that a woman loves and trusts enough AND DESIRES enough to be submissive to b/c in a woman’s true nature we crave masculine men – even if in areas of our lives we have to be somewhat masculine to get ahead. In masculinity lies a positive form of dominance that women respond to. But if the man is a jerk and presenting negative forms of dominance (disregarding her feelings, taking advantage of her, being abusive and manipulative) then that is certainly not the kind of dominance I am referring to.

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      • Marellus
        Aug 22, 2011 @ 21:34:20

        … and the men that are dominant, are ultimately men that are not disillusioned …

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        • Neecy
          Aug 22, 2011 @ 21:46:30

          disillusioned by what? Grrr you have a way with words marellus that you never quite fully express what you mean. LOL

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          • Marellus
            Aug 22, 2011 @ 22:04:50

            … oh bloody hell, here we go again. Every man is going to get a knock in his life. It’s guaranteed. But before he gets his knock, he has a core set of beliefs.

            And when he gets his knock, his beliefs are tested. Severely tested.

            And when he gets trough this trial of life, his beliefs will either be validated, or destroyed. In the latter case you’ll find an amoral manipulative bastard. In the former case you’ll get a man. A good man.

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  2. Zorro
    Aug 22, 2011 @ 20:07:39

    I will confess that there are many interpretations of this…but, having said that…

    I want to hold you down and master you from behind, pulling your hair and gently assuring you that your welfare and security are well within my means. To make you feel secure. To make you feel safe. Because the human female, in order to express her feral sexuality, requires safety and security. To know that whatever happens, a strong masculine man is caring for her. To ward off interlopers. To protect her blessed feminine gifts. To make her squirt like a water canon. To enable her to release her primal female urges that have genetically mapped over 200,000 years, making her the goddess that Mother Nature meant her to be. To be the male that conquers her and contains her in his firm, masculine grasp, penetrating her and riling her to unearthly splinters of Holy Orgasmic revelation.

    This is Woman in her primal state. She needs to be dominated. Conquered. Mastered. Held captive in His grasp.

    It’s what she wants more than anything.

    And I’m here to do it.

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    • Neecy
      Aug 22, 2011 @ 21:00:19

      “Because the human female, in order to express her feral sexuality, requires safety and security. To know that whatever happens, a strong masculine man is caring for her. To ward off interlopers. To protect her blessed feminine gifts. ”

      Yes this is the kind of dominance that i am referring to. One that only a masculine male can give. He doesn’t have to be a jerk or asshole to exude this kind of quality and desirability to a woman. A good man or a nice guy *CAN* be dominante with his SO. I think many times people assume a dominant man has to be some insanley macho machsimo man who slaps women around and/or treats them like crap.

      Positive dominance lies in true masculinity. And man who is masculine (not in the contrived warped sense of masculinity) will naturally do this.

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  3. Marellus
    Aug 22, 2011 @ 22:23:59

    Neecy.

    Have you ever wondered whether this could be the USA’s future ?

    TOKYO — Junko Sakai was nervously looking forward to a romantic getaway with the man she’d been seeing. But when they arrived at a seaside hotel last fall, her beau requested separate rooms.

    Stunned, Sakai nonetheless anticipated a late-night knock on the door. It never came. “Nothing happened,” the Tokyo writer says.

    Nothing is happening with depressing regularity between Japanese men and women these days. Marriages, births and hanky-panky are all spiraling downward with troubling implications for the nation’s future: A sagging birthrate means that fewer working-age people will be around to support a growing population of elderly; a social crisis looms.

    Only in Japan would a popular weekly newsmagazine deem it necessary to exhort the nation’s youth to abstain from sexual abstinence: “Young people, don’t hate sex,” AERA magazine pleaded last month in a report detailing a precarious drop in sales of condoms and in business at Japan’s rent-by-the-hour “love hotels.”

    And from another article :

    Grass-eating boys’ commitment phobia is not the only thing that’s worrying Japanese women. Unlike earlier generations of Japanese men, they prefer not to make the first move, they like to split the bill, and they’re not particularly motivated by sex. “I spent the night at one guy’s house, and nothing happened—we just went to sleep!” moaned one incredulous woman on a TV program devoted to herbivores. “It’s like something’s missing with them,” said Yoko Yatsu, a 34-year-old housewife, in an interview. “If they were more normal, they’d be more interested in women. They’d at least want to talk to women.”

    And what is different about these men ?

    So what’s the difference between the guys who do have girlfriends and those who don’t?

    15 behavior traits of young Japanese men that turn off women:

    1) Cutting in conversations to talk about himself.
    2) Dressing up only in black clothes.
    3) Letting his fingernails get dirty.
    4) Trash talking women on blogs and social networks (indicating his misogynistic tendencies)
    5) Lacking confidence.
    6) Letting his parents overprotect him.
    7) Not knowing when to step forward and pass a couple flirting ahead of him on the street (indicating his inability to be decisive).
    8) Hesitating to open a door if he sees his neighbor do the same (easily chickening out).
    9) Going outside in his sweats (lacking fashion sense).
    10) Being lackadaisical about anything except some weird stuff he’s really into.
    11) Trying to caress a girl’s head when he gets drunk.
    12) Getting ecstatic when his hands are in contact with the hand of a cute shopping assistant who is just giving him change.
    13) Thinking of himself as too handsome to be satisfied with his potential girlfriends.
    14) Taking an extremely long trip by bicycle rather than using public transport.
    15) Thinking of accidental eye contact with a girl as her romantic interest in him.

    You are already moaning about the scarcity of dominant men. And this is what is supplanting them. It makes you think why Heartiste is so popular.

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    • Neecy
      Aug 22, 2011 @ 23:24:46

      Wow Marellus. That was a very good and timely article and I would like to use it for future use in some posts. Thanks.

      Well honestly, based on most of the stuff I read there, the only difference happening in the USA vs. Japan is that NSA sex and intimacy are at an all-time high with people who are not even in relationships here in the USA. So the generation these days is not suffering with abstinence like in Japan. American males (unlike the Japanese ones in the article) are still very much interested in courting women for sexual intimacy. It seems the men in Japan have all but given up and have chosen to go their own way as men and the women look to have made this choice as well?
      But what I don’t understand from some of the Japanese who are against younger people abstaining from sex is, do they feel NSA sex regardless of being in a relationship is beneficial simply to produce more Japanese offspring – even without a solid and stable foundation? I understand the concerns about lack of marriages. But abstinence will lead to less broken families and unstable children if people are choosing single life there. There real only concern seems to be numbers even without stability for the children.
      It reminds me of many of the Black supporters of the 70% out of wedlock rate in the Black community saying its important for Black people to keep breeding even if they are not married b/c then the Black race survives. That is so utterly ignorant and stupid. What good is it to have a bunch of unstable broken up children in your race that will not function properly in society due to having no real foundation from a two parent home? You are just contributing numbers and not quality to your racial pool.

      I can tell you all of the results of NSA sex and lack of committed marriages and relationships and children being born out of wedlock is already being done in the American Black community. I don’t know why people in larger society will not just look at the end results of what happens to a community and culture when people walk away from marriage and committed relationships. It breeds chaos and unstable children and communities.

      Yes its true many American women like Japanese women do fully enjoy independence and not having to be homemakers. This is what I addressed in my post. However, there are still ways in which a woman can enjoy and fulfill her needs of independence and still be a wonderful wife and mother. Some women simply don’t want kids or marriage and that is their right and choice. I often have many married relatives and friends tell me how much I have it made being a single independent woman who can do whatever i want at any given time – as I have no commitments or restraints due to having children or a husband.

      Also the difference with the Japanese women who are choosing independence and not marriage are still living off their parents. So they really are not independent in that sense.

      Either way, I guess it is what it is. This is a key point I pulled from the article that I feel is being expressed in America more so with American males who are tired of getting burned:

      “More and more Japanese men and women are finding relationships too messy, tiring and potentially humiliating to bother with anymore. “They don’t want a complicated life,”

      I think this sums up a lot of the discontentment men and women in America are having – but more so American males. Its scary. I am just going to prepare myself for cat lady life either way and be happy with all the other blessings in my life. *shrugs* I won’t stress about it anymore – if it happens it happens but I am not going to force it.

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      • Marellus
        Aug 22, 2011 @ 23:46:25

        Maybe you’ll find a good man in church. An ex-con that did time for being violent. He could also be a twelve-stepper. Hence his religious motivations. He would be a truck driver because that’s the only job he’s qualified to do. And in his spare time he tries to study for a degree from some Distance Learning Institution. He might have children that he misses desperately though. How hard is it to find such a man then ??? He sounds like a good prospect. Would you take him ? And no, this is not me I’m talking about.

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        • Neecy
          Aug 22, 2011 @ 23:58:07

          Uh Why would I date any of those men and why would you even suggest so? I often get the feeling many people feel Black women should just settle for the lowest of the low and not have any standards whatsoever.

          The answer is NO I wouldn’t date any of those guys and anyone that would expect me to I would question why they think I should date such men.

          Let me be clear – i mam in NO WAY that desperate for male companionship to “settle”. I’m completely fine with flying solo if that means not being with someone who is compatible and one who shares similar lifestyle and background.

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          • Marellus
            Aug 23, 2011 @ 00:25:24

            … now now Neecy … take a deep breath … and another one … and another one … stop thinking of … (who is this guy ?!) … and his left nostril … and the hair in his left nostril … and … oooooh ?! … but that’s growing out of his ear … hoy hoy … shhhhhhhh … and stop thinking of that interesting thingy of his below his belt … his man-boobs Neecy … were you thinking of something else ??? … oh ?! … I believe you …

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            • Neecy
              Aug 23, 2011 @ 00:32:06

              LOL Marellus!! You make me smile 🙂 I’m Having a crazy baaad baaad Monday today. Sorry if I snapped at you. 🙂

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  4. Emma the Emo
    Aug 23, 2011 @ 01:08:56

    Wow, I just wrote a similar post. I agree that women shouldn’t be ashamed of their sexual preferences for dominance. They also shouldn’t be scared of being feminine and doting towards their men, it’s too much fun anyway. I’m not particularly keen on dominance (but it would be ok if I was), but I’m keen on giving them acts of service and doing a lot of stuff for them (I guess some would call it “submissive”). I think a woman can be like me, or enjoy being dominated in bed without losing any of her strength or power. I said it before, and I’ll say it again, trying to be like a man just because you want to prove how strong you are is just insecurity. Of course you have to be more “masculine” at work, but it’s just work. Your masculinity at work is just a means to an end, not your identity.
    Also, I’d be fine with a guy who makes less money than me, as long as he’s not a lazy freeloader, because then I’d just be worried he’s with me for the money. I can imagine making most of the money though.

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    • Neecy
      Aug 22, 2011 @ 19:20:34

      Emma,

      When you say you are not keen on dominance what is it about it that turns you off? You seem like a pretty laid back easy going person, so maybe someone who comes on too strong would make you nervous? Believe it or not I too and very laid back and easy going and people who are domineering in the wrong ways make me nervous and uneasy.

      But I agree that doting on your man (if he is the right one) should not be something women should be ashamed of. The issue I think is so many women choose the wrong kinds of men to dote on or rather choose the wrong kinds of men in general and never really feel comfy in doting on him b/c deep down they are being mistreated.
      And yes as you said any woman who is secure within herself has no problem being submissive in certain areas of her life with men. There are so many forms of submissiveness and I think people always shave this narrowed view of that AND of dominance.

      Its true I have come to terms with the fact that in my work i have to exhibit some kind of masculine traits for survival. Even then i can still fit in femininity and use to my advantage.

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      • Emma the Emo
        Aug 23, 2011 @ 03:27:41

        You’re right, it’s important to find a correct man to dote on, because if he’s wrong for you, then that doting thing will sooner or later become uncomfortable and feel wrong. Since I’m capable of being caring to a pretty strong degree (so much I have to hold it back), I’m also rather sensitive and would easily feel rejected if my attitude is met with assholery behavior or anything close to it, so I simply remove such people from my life when they appear. But because of this I also don’t tolerate alphaness/dominance very well – men like that just don’t inspire much trust or affection, no matter how cool they are. In a relationship, I like loving stuff, not dominant stuff. In bed, too. I haven’t noticed any desire to feel protected either (rather the other way around…) It might also be because I have some “dominant” fetishes myself, so I simply don’t get off on being dominated in bed, although I haven’t tried it (might turn out fun, who knows, but the idea sounds neutral to me).

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        • Neecy
          Aug 23, 2011 @ 07:58:56

          Yes Emma for very caring people by nature (like yourself) you have to be very aware o the types of people you keep within your space (this includes female friends). B/C by nature you simply want to take care and shower everyone you love with affections, sometimes those people may turn out to be the wrong people to do that for.

          So women have to be selective in the kinds of men they choose to dote on and shower with their affections. Not every man is deserving of it. I too do not like aggressive jerky guys and I never did when I was younger either. I prefer more laid back easy going males who do still exude a real true masculinity/dominance without even trying. contrived masculinity is a turn off for me. A man who is comfortable in his masculinity doesn’t have to be a jerk. His real masculine nature will come out without him even trying and that will be what attracts most women to him. IOW’s I like the guys who don’t know how hot they are.

          Regarding the dominance thing. Yeah I am pretty sure some women aren’t into that sexually but I think most women like a nice mix of loving sex and dominant sex (where the man makes takes complete control).

          At the end of the day whatever makes a woman feel good is what she should choose and not feel guilty about it due to societal pressures – as long as she is not being hurt or used in the process.

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          • Emma the Emo
            Aug 23, 2011 @ 18:17:12

            “At the end of the day whatever makes a woman feel good is what she should choose and not feel guilty about it due to societal pressures – as long as she is not being hurt or used in the process.”
            In bed, that’s exactly right 🙂 I would probably also add “as long as she is not hurting or using anyone in the process”.
            I also know that other women might like different things than me, and you can’t argue about tastes and preferences. I have a few fetishes that people sometimes don’t like (as they are about violence and pain), but they are harmless and I don’t feel guilty about having them.

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            • Neecy
              Aug 23, 2011 @ 21:09:41

              Emma,

              I know people have weird or crazy sexual fetishes. I say adults have the right to enjoy what they like – as the saying goes “if they like it I love it” LOL

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      • Emma the Emo
        Aug 23, 2011 @ 03:46:32

        As for exactly what turns me off about dominant guys… I’m not sure, there is something about them that makes me uncomfortable. It’s like what happens when a smaller animal is facing a bigger animal. Instead of melting like I’m supposed to, I just turn into a spikey porcupine (although I remain polite, so it’s not that I become a bitch). I have no problems with dominance in the workplace however. I’m good at taking orders.
        I also can’t go for guys noticeably superior to me, because then I just either admire them and want to be like them if they are nice, or get jealous (yep, I totally can’t handle “strong independend men”) if they are arrogant.
        I have no idea what all this means. I came on Roissy’s blog to learn more about what women want and why, but so far I’m still confused about my own preferences.

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        • Marellus
          Aug 23, 2011 @ 08:01:39

          Emma.

          What is your experience with men in then ? Did you have a few bad experiences ?

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          • Emma the Emo
            Aug 23, 2011 @ 17:58:08

            I had one. When I was 17, a guy twice my age started liking me. I didn’t like him back that way, but hung out with him because he was cool. It was a mistake, he probably thought I liked him back. At the same time, he had a mistress and a wife and kids somewhere in another country. He got jealous that I talked to my neighbor, forbid me to date other men. It all ended when him and some people had a fight in our kitchen, and he tried to beat up my mom.
            I know a man can be masculine and dominant and not do any of these things, but they seem to be rare these days. Guys like my dad and my grandfathers.
            The only man I actually dated is good so far.

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        • Neecy
          Aug 23, 2011 @ 08:08:35

          Yeah laid back easy going people like us don’t do well with really domineering partners. For me they make me nervous. LOL.

          “I have no idea what all this means. I came on Roissy’s blog to learn more about what women want and why, but so far I’m still confused about my own preferences.”

          OMG EMMA me too! You would think I would have figured this out myself a long time ago and I think that is why I am too also drawn to Roissy b/c I really didn’t know how men think. I really did believe though, that I knew what women wanted and was really shocked to discover it may not be what I always was told or believed to be. Before being on Roissy’s I belonged to lots of blogs frequented by women and the focus was on relationships and men. Now looking back I realized many of those women were delusional. LOL After reading so many of those blogs I really believed women wanted nothing but the “good guys”. And then to stumble across a blog full of angry former “good guys” who got burned and failed with women b/c they weren’t assholish enough really threw me for a loop. So I feel I am in the middle trying to understand what it is women *really* want, what *I* want and what men really want. So I understand the confusion.

          When you really read and understand how men think, things start becoming more clear as a woman as to how to maneuver within the dating/mating area. Plus I don’t think I am sure I understand much about the dating/mating arena and being a late bloomer I am trying to find where I fit in, what I like etc.

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          • Emma the Emo
            Aug 23, 2011 @ 17:33:50

            Before I came to Roissy’s blog, I knew about this “chicks dig jerks” thing, but thought that in real life, women liked confidence, which is what can be “faked” by being a jerk, but you didn’t have to be a jerk to be attractive and confident. At the same time, there was something I noticed. It’s kind of silly, but in anime, villains get the most fangirls. Makes me wonder if it means anything.
            Guys on that blog want to get laid, and if being a jerk makes them more attractive than , being a regular nice guy, they will act like jerks. Tastes of women like you simply don’t matter, as the big picture tells guys that they are not likely to meet a woman who will like them for their goodness.
            As for me, I’m in a relationship with a man whom many people would call a terrible person. That he isn’t, but his views are kind of controversial (although close to your own in some ways), and he is right about many things. I say that I don’t date jerks and I’m objectively right about that, but I suspect many people would still disagree. Like you, I’m a late bloomer and I’m still discovering what I like, but I think I got a pretty good picture of what I like now.

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            • Neecy
              Aug 23, 2011 @ 21:12:52

              Emma,

              I am starting to realize the more I look around and see things, that yes the reality is women do like assholes. I look at how popular rap music is and its one of the most misogynist forms of anything out there. Yet women love it and support it just as much as men. So if women in general didn’t like assholes and jerks then no way would such a misogynist genre of music continue to be so popular with both genders.

              I think the writing is on the wall. *shrugs*

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    • Neecy
      Aug 23, 2011 @ 08:40:00

      FYI Emma,

      I tried posting a comment on your blog but I don’t understand the language its in so I wasn’t sure what i was clicking and it wouldn’t post for some reason.

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  5. Jock E Strap
    Aug 23, 2011 @ 01:20:11

    Since you followed by graphics friendly order so well I am going to have a writing request..

    LISTS
    NUMBERS

    something to break up the wordz….

    YOU CAN DO IT…
    JOCK E STRAP

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    • Neecy
      Aug 22, 2011 @ 19:14:36

      Hey Jock! You likey my new design?

      What do you mean by lists and numbers?

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      • Jock E Strap
        Aug 22, 2011 @ 19:23:07

        Yes new design is very nice who did it?
        I was implying you should break up your writing to make it more reader friendly by either using lists, numbers or some other technique to avoid throwing up paragraphs on a page..

        Keep up the good work

        JOCK E STAP

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        • Neecy
          Aug 22, 2011 @ 19:27:38

          It was a customized theme from WordPress. I discovered after hours of aggravation I could not do any HTML or designing or transferring of webpage building items for the blog. So I happened upon the theme part of WordPress where you can choose a design theme for your blog. The only this is it doesn’t allow for much customization which is annoying. Like the font size of this bugs me, I wish icould make it bigger.

          Oh you mean break up my thoughts into various posts so they are not so long winded and hard to get through? LOL I think so too. Thanks for the advice 🙂

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  6. n/a
    Aug 23, 2011 @ 01:40:13

    Your new picture lacks a long, lipsticked cigarette.

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  7. Zorro
    Aug 23, 2011 @ 02:52:06

    Male dominance, in the bedroom and elsewhere, is perceived by the female who attains his sexual interest as a strong sign that he is very high status. Her hypergamy demands high status males, and everything that he transmits during intercourse with her–social intercourse and sexual intercourse–assures her that she has succeeded in winning the attention of an alpha male.

    This is genetically mapped. This is the ultimate gina tingle, releasing her most feral sexual impulses.

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    • Neecy
      Aug 23, 2011 @ 08:14:14

      Zorro is that what it is and why so many women (although have a hard time admitting it) like this? Even the most masculine feminist women want this. So it all makes sense. Women by nature no matter how we are socialized do want men who exude this kind of dominance b/c to us it signals his high status? Hmm Very good food for thought.

      Can the good and nice guy exhibit this sexually? This is what I struggle with. B/C I still like good and nice guys but ones who are very masculine (certainly not assholes) but still are charming and compassionate and kind YET able to be in control. Does that make sense?

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      • Zorro
        Aug 23, 2011 @ 09:57:33

        What I wrote above is a very watered-down synopsis of what I have learned by reading books on evolutionary psychology, gene mapping and expression, etc. Now, in Emma’s case and yours (you like Beta guys, geeks, etc.), there’s nothing peculiar about that. I am speaking in huge sweeping generalizations. Let’s not forget their are gay people, people who are totally asexual, etc. It’s just that the preponderance of females in higher animals will act out their hypergamy, and it is in their genes that sexual drive resides. When those drives are engaged, you will have sexual arousal and response.

        Why do guys like chicks with big tits? There’s no functional reason for it, and let’s not forget that more than a mouthful is a waste. The reason is that for berserk silly tens of thousands of years, if a female failed to successfully lactate to the nutritional requirements of her offspring, the offspring died!,/i> The genes stopped right there: no replication. So over the course of hundreds of thousands of years, most of the children who survived came from successfully lactating females, and most of them had knockers. That’s why guys drool over Dolly Parton, Jane Mansfield, and others. Today we have Similac and other formulas, and in some tribal societies, breastfeeding is shared among the women of the tribe to assist non-lactating mothers (Arab society was among the first to do this).

        Most women are drawn to men who exude characteristics that mark him as high social status, and these markers are wildly more numerous than what marks females to be desirable because the male of the species, over millenia, had to excel at wildly more skills and traits than the female did. All she had to do was get pregnant and bear children, then keep them alive. The male did, literally, everything else. That is a talent pool, girl! And that’s why men who study PUA stuff (Game) learn that it can be in the slightest physical gesture, posture, grammar, speech, etc., that can put an itch in her pants, or, conversely, make her go cold over an otherwise terrific guy. And it’s also why women’s brains are neurologically wired to integrate both hemispheres during activity, while the male brain principally is activated on one side or the other. Women need wildly more brain power to detect the best males. Men have it easy. She’s got good tits, nice hair, clear skin and a good ass…or she’s a waste of time.

        That’s 200,000 years of human existence talking. Not me. No offense.

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        • Neecy
          Aug 23, 2011 @ 20:56:58

          WOW Zooro I must say that i have never really studied evolutionary reasons for male/female mating but all of it makes sense now. I guess men and women are wired specifically differetn for many reasons. Interesting stuff!

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      • Zorro
        Aug 23, 2011 @ 10:47:40

        The reason so many women are ashamed/in denial about their girlie submissive desires is because of feminism: It has spent 50 years telling society that men are a crime waiting to happen, and that women are strong, independent, willful and not to be taken lightly (in other words…they are now men)

        A man should never be ashamed to be a man, and a woman should never be ashamed to be a woman. Social engineering is EVIL, and feminists are the spawn of the DEVIL!

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        • Liza207
          Aug 23, 2011 @ 12:11:02

          “A man should never be ashamed to be a man”

          Yeah, there are a lot of men that seem to be ashamed of their maleness these days. I once bought into the whole “sensitive guy who is in touch with his feelings” crap but whenever I encountered a guy like that he never gave me any tingles and I would be like, “isn’t this the type of guy I said I wanted or should want, why am I not attracted to him?” The answer became really clear after a while.

          Feminism has thrown men and women into a serious state of confusion.

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          • Zorro
            Aug 23, 2011 @ 19:04:41

            Liza & Neecy:

            I tend to avoid too many MRA (Men’s Rights Activist) web sites because there are too many “male feminists” on them. Still, there are some very good arguments and observations. I’ve been tooling around A Voice For Men, and, pursuant to Liza’s statement above: “Feminism has thrown men and women into a serious state of confusion,” I would recommend you reviewing some of the articles at that site to stimulate conversation and maybe a few posts.

            http://www.avoiceformen.com/

            Just a recommendation in case you have a few hours to investigate the anti-feminist movement.

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          • Neecy
            Aug 23, 2011 @ 20:59:37

            Liza,

            This is so true. this is why I confuse myself with my own desires. One minute I think I want a nice sensitive guy and then the next minute I want a dominant man. I don’t know what the hell i want or should want anymore!! I just want someone to tingle the gina, brain, emotional needs all simutaneously. And I don’t want to have to juggle 3 different dudes to get all of that. is that asking a lot? LOL

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            • Liza207
              Aug 24, 2011 @ 08:16:25

              Yes, it is confusing as hell sometimes but if you’re really honest with yourself and not worrying about what society thinks about your choice – we would be happier and less confused. Women are always being told what type of man we should want or settle for. I have always rejected settling. I would rather be alone than be with a man I wasn’t really in love with or desired. Why? So, I can show others that I’m special and not defective somehow just because I have a man in life or I don’t want to be alone. And besides, it’s not being fair to yourself or the guy that you settled for.

              Neecy, get that guy that tingles the gina, brain, emotional needs all simultaneously. He sounds ideal/perfect to me. Or just go it alone because being with a man you’re not feeling has to be miserable as hell.

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              • Neecy
                Aug 24, 2011 @ 12:54:56

                You are right Liza. I think what happens is so many women become desperate for any kind of male companionship that before they sit and ask themselves what they *REALLY* desire they just jump into all kinds of relaitonships with men who don’t make them tick. There may not even be anything wrong with the guys, and as a result the poor guys end up getting abused and hurt in the process b/c the woman wasn’t honest with herself early on in what she wants in a man. This is where women have to stop doing this. Good guys are getting hurt b/c so many women just want a man yet don’t know or want to wait nor admit to their own desires.

                I’d rather be solo than be with a man I don’t desire or want. Plus i’m not about using people for my own gain and then hurting them later. that’s shitty. Sometimes patience does pay off.

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            • Zorro
              Aug 24, 2011 @ 08:34:35

              A suggestion: Find a guy with whom you feel comfortable socially, in public, with your friends and family. Then, as your romance develops and you and he spend more and more time in the bedroom, cultivate his dominant side. Make him feel comfortable giving you the Tiger Treatment.

              A good starting point is to buy a steel-boned corset and French Maid outfit with lace gloves. Leave bottles of personal lubricant around the house. When he comes home, let him catch you facing the other way, dusting the coffee table, bent over as you wax on…wax off.

              Resisting the urge to plow the maid is tough for most men. He’ll come out of his shell, I promise you.

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  8. Liza207
    Aug 23, 2011 @ 10:27:05

    Hi Neecy!

    I know I’m kind of late to the party. Very good post. I definitely don’t have an issue with being the submissive one in the relationship and I don’t think that makes me weak or dependent or male indentified as many extreme feminist would have women today believe. Besides, I don’t think my gina would ever tingle or get wet for a guy I deemed weak or effeminate – it just wouldn’t.

    Of course, I wouldn’t submit to a misogynist or an abusive jerk who just wanted to control and use me. It would be a man who respects my womanhood and appreciates my womanly qualities and one that I can trust that he won’t take advantage of my femininity (I have had issues with men who have tried that in the past). I wouldn’t mine hearing every once in a while “relax and don’t worry your pretty little head about anything, I’ll take care of everything,” Yep! That’s right. I know there are extreme feminist that are cringing right now at that. Whatever!

    I have been holding it down for myself for a while. I have great job but the environment I work in frowns down upon femininity and feminine behavior and dress but I still try to maintain some of my feminine qualities because that’s who I am. I own my own home; I think I do all right for myself. I am often juggling many balls all day and when I get home I want to put them down and submit to a man who is capable enough to take the wheel while sit back and enjoy the ride.

    And yes! Zorro said it really, really well. That’s what I’m talking
    about. 😉

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    • Zorro
      Aug 23, 2011 @ 10:44:47

      “I am often juggling many balls all day and when I get home I want to put them down and submit to a man who is capable enough to take the wheel while sit back and enjoy the ride.”

      If I had a dime every time I heard or read a woman stating exactly that, I’d be driving a Ferrari.

      Women do massive amounts of things a day, and one of the most taxing on blood glucose and other reserves of self control is decision-making. When a woman can come home and unwind, nothing is better than a caring guy who gives her what she needs without being asked.

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    • Neecy
      Aug 23, 2011 @ 21:05:07

      “I wouldn’t mine hearing every once in a while “relax and don’t worry your pretty little head about anything, I’ll take care of everything,” Yep! That’s right. I know there are extreme feminist that are cringing right now at that. Whatever! “

      LOL. Its true i can’t understand why women complain about men wanting to take care and protect them. Sorry but bring it on! Those same feminists would never object to a man paying their dinner inner tab now will they? NO. LOL

      when I get home I want to put them down and submit to a man who is capable enough to take the wheel while sit back and enjoy the ride.

      There it is!

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  9. Liza207
    Aug 23, 2011 @ 12:32:39

    Now, about a man making less money than I do. I have to be honest and say that, I would prefer someone equally yoked or better.

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    • Neecy
      Aug 23, 2011 @ 21:00:48

      Yes yoked or better is ideal. I’m not saying i would completely rule out a little less than I, but its not ideal.

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  10. Mark Slater
    Aug 23, 2011 @ 21:36:01

    “So I feel I am in the middle trying to understand what it is women *really* want, what *I* want and what men really want. So I understand the confusion.”

    So, is *that* why I see you so often on Roissy/Heartiste? As I believe I have indicated before, Roissy’s descriptions in the social/political sphere are uncannily accurate. The program he sets forth is nonsense: using Game, attempt to seduce as many silly young things as one can, since Western civilisation is finished anyhow.

    “Some think love’s a game, you play for a night or two…
    But I think that’s a shame, ’cause I know that in the end
    they’re bound to lose.”
    — “Love Takes Time”, Orleans

    As our fathers and grandfathers knew, it’s far more challenging to actually settle down with a woman and establish a house, rather than play the game in perpetuity; but far more rewarding in the long run.

    “Yes yoked or better is ideal. I’m not saying i would completely rule out a little less than I, but its not ideal.”

    So, if a reasonable attractive and intelligent man walked in you office, and expressed an interest in you; would you follow up, even if the guy delivers for FedEx or is the soda machine repairman?

    Also, Neecy, I don’t know the extent of your religious convictions; but in God’s Word we are reminded that the yoke that is of primary importance is the yoking of believers. (II Corinthians 6:14)

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    • Neecy
      Aug 23, 2011 @ 21:51:57

      Mark,

      forgive me if I am not making sense – had a long busy day and I’m tired writing this. LOL I may have to come back tomm and edit this post to make more sense. 🙂

      I hadn’t really thought about what keeps attracting me back to Roissy’s but now I believe that is it. I was a member of several women forums/blogs that focused on men, dating and relationships and now I am not so sure on how accurate that advice is/was. then to come across Roissy’s was a big eye opener for me b/c I am reading from the horse’s mouth about how they (good guys) have been burned by women claiming to want good men. It was completely different than what the women sites were telling women and what these men at Roissy’s are saying. So now, I am literally trying to piece the puzzle together to find the truth. I don’t believe both men and women are telling the truth somewhere. What the truth is I don’t know yet but I’m gonna find it. LOL

      Another thing I often try to figure out is if the men at Roissy’s is what exactly the kinds of women they pursue. Not all women are the same. But if they are going after one category of “certain types” of female characters then yes, they will have similar experiences. I’m just confused at this point. I don’t know how accurate anything is anymore with male/female relationships. I don’t know any more if women actually believe half the stuff we say about what we want or if men actually believe what they want either. I just don’t know. I guess the only way I will know is when or if I meet “the one”.

      I have been out of the dating market for a minute so add that, with being on forums with tons of women saying one thing about men, dating and mating and then coming to an all-male forum on women, dating nad mating – I’m just flat out confrused (yes i spelled confused that way for a reason lol).

      Yes I am a spiritual person. So I never say never. If God sends my way the right guy and he happens to make somewhat less than I do – I’ll be happy. BUT The issue with men making less is more so they tend to feel emasculated by the women in their lives SIMPLY b/c their salaries don’t match. As a result many become resentful and start taking that out on the woman even if it’s not an issue for her. So it’s best to avoid those situations if at all possible for women. Money does also play a role in relationships. And if one person is always fitting the bill that is a problem. If both people are on equal footing or of the man makes more than its usually a better arrangement b/c he doesn’t feel emasculated.

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      • Zorro
        Aug 23, 2011 @ 22:03:41

        “if one person is always fitting the bill…”

        English Nazi strikes again: The correct phrase is “footing the bill.”

        Going back on my meds now.

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      • Andrew Medina
        Aug 24, 2011 @ 05:39:04

        Roissy’s dudes mostly go for the mentally vacant Stuff White People Like suburban poor types. You have to modify his game quite a bit for a college educated African American or Latina.

        BTW: I read your comment about obesity. Some advice for the women in your life and yourself if you’re trying to drop a few more pounds. LIFT WEIGHTS. Not kidding about this, train till you think you’re ready and push for hypertrophy (80% of one rep max till failure). Remember if you keep your dietary sugar low you WILL lose weight with this.

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        • Zorro
          Aug 24, 2011 @ 07:26:40

          Dude’s right. I’m freeweight lifting now. The 48 hours of cellular repair time following muscle cell-destroying weight lifting makes it far better than aerobic stuff.

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          • Neecy
            Aug 24, 2011 @ 12:41:42

            This is what I understand to that weight training even for women is much more beneficial than just aerobics b/c it burns fat much quicker. I htink for women a mixture of both is best. This is what i do now.

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            • Zorro
              Aug 24, 2011 @ 12:49:47

              Excellent! The reason is that for the 48 hours after pumping iron until “failure” (the inability to continue), your muscles repair themselves, and it is in this time duration that you burn ridiculous calories!

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              • Andrew Medina
                Aug 25, 2011 @ 20:47:19

                Zorro:

                I heard one of those ads for the new Gatorade fit stuff the other day and one line drove me up the wall. “So that way you can go back to the gym again tomorrow”.

                My results came from the school of when you’re done you don’t even want to think of going back for the next couple of days. If you can consider going back tomorrow you are to turn around and go right back in that gym because you didn’t go hard enough.

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                • Anonymous
                  Aug 25, 2011 @ 22:08:41

                  Precisely. Cute marketing line, but fucking stupid gym practice. Failure to allow adequate repair time will spell disaster. Some lifters even say forget every other day: Lift until failure every third day.

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        • Neecy
          Aug 24, 2011 @ 12:40:40

          Hi Andrew!

          You said:

          “Roissy’s dudes mostly go for the mentally vacant Stuff White People Like suburban poor types.”

          Ok i was wondering if there was a particular group of women who fall for this or act this way. I’m like I know all attractive women can’t be this shitty since I know very many attractive women myself who are really kind and sweet and not slutty nor do they like buttheads.

          “You have to modify his game quite a bit for a college educated African American or Latina.”

          I dunno. The typical/average American Black women don’t seem to have such high standards when it comes to men generally. I’d wager that White females and Asian females have higher standards when it comes to men generally. Black women are indoctrinated to accept bullshit and games from men very early on. Granted there is a GROWING exception to the typical (Black women like myself, Liza and many more) who simply won’t put up with garbage in our lives. There seems to be many Black women who are separating themselves from typical Black groupthink and lifestyles and so yes, these Black women will require different “game” or approaches, b/c they come from a culture where men being assholes and jerks and playing games with women is common. So some Black women are not up for that kind of male/female relationship drama. This could be why I simply don’t understand when Roissy says women like jerks and assholes. I guess coming from a community where this is so common so many Black women are just turned off by that kind of behavior and just want decent masculine men in general.

          I agree weight training is very good b/c from what I understand it burns the fat much quicker?

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          • Liza207
            Aug 24, 2011 @ 14:05:14

            This could be why I simply don’t understand when Roissy says women like jerks and assholes. I guess coming from a community where this is so common so many Black women are just turned off by that kind of behavior and just want decent masculine men in general.

            Neecy, This is it. We are desensitized by assholes and jerks. So, it’s crazy to us that women really respond well to that behavior. I guess it’s cultural.

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            • Andrew Medina
              Aug 24, 2011 @ 14:32:34

              “Black women are just turned off by that kind of behavior and just want decent masculine men in general.”

              This is what I’m talking about. This attitude is the reason why you see more interracial relationships. Black women and Latinas are typically over exposed to jerks and that throws a majority of “get white bitches” game out the window. The methods of building comfort and attraction are in fact very different across racial strata.

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              • Neecy
                Aug 25, 2011 @ 02:12:53

                attitude is the reason why you see more interracial relationships. Black women and Latinas are typically over exposed to jerks and that throws a majority of “get white bitches” game out the window. The methods of building comfort and attraction are in fact very different across racial strata.

                Agreed Andrew. I have now discovered the issue and it seems Black and latina women are over the jerk/asshole b/c we’ve been getting it since day one. White women are giddy at the thought of being with a jerk/asshole b/c on average White males *TRY* to be more respectful towards their women (they were most directly affected by Feminism). SO yes, now I know why I don’t understand when heartiste says all women like jerks. This is not to say there aren’t still large amounts of Black women still stuck in the matrix. But Its not so much exciting to them as its a NORM. They don’t know anything else.

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            • Neecy
              Aug 25, 2011 @ 02:04:03

              Liza,

              I think I just discovered one major piece of the puzzle. And yes. its cultural. White males were moreso affected by Feminism which told men to be gentlemenly and sensitive towards women while Black males were not affected by Feminism b/c Black women were too busy fighting for racial equality to stand with feminism. Hmmm. It all makes sense now.

              The asshole/jerk is exciting to White women b/c generally their men tend to try to be kinder towards them on average. Those gals better watch what they wish for…..cause they’re about to get it – and it won’t be pretty. That’s why you always appreicate what you have when it treats you good b/c when it gone, you’ll miss it.

              PUA and game is changing the game for WM and as they say “no more mister nice guy” is coming to a White suburb near you. LOL

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              • Liza207
                Aug 25, 2011 @ 07:48:44

                I remember I was on vacation in Cabo last summer and one night I was out and I struck up a conversation with this cute petite blond in her twenties and then the conversation turn to men.
                She told me that she preferred to date black guys because they were more exciting and they had very muscular bodies. I told I had a preference for white guys and she was like, “Why? White guys are all fat and boring”. I was like, oh god.

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  11. Mark Slater
    Aug 23, 2011 @ 22:33:30

    Confrused! Clever, sort of…
    “…being on forums with tons of women saying one thing about men, dating and mating and then coming to an all-male forum on women, dating nad mating – I’m just flat out confrused (yes i spelled confused that way for a reason lol).”

    I don’t believe you are the only one. Men may think, “I’m just a loser, I’m a dud… Nah, that’s not it. I’m terrific. Maybe I’m doing something dreadfully wrong. Bah, women are all just moonbats. Maybe I’m just not meeting them in the right place. Etc, etc.” Even pretty darn good guys have their thoughts run amok from time to time in this manner.

    Resentful? Possibly but not necessarily so. A little story: A man I know is married and stays home with the child. When they wed, she was a low level accountant. He rose to be a level II psychiatric counselor (pretty important) and she also rose through the ranks.

    They were finally able to conceive and she gave birth to a beautiful baby girl (she had numerous complications from diabetes so this was an especial blessing) Mrs. K went back to work after maternity leave — she is now the head of the accounting department for a major corporation. They put the girl in daycare. He hated the thought of this, but both of them worked. And besides, by this time she now made more than he by a considerable margin.

    Solution: He resigned and now stays home with the child while she works. If there is resentment, I cannot detect it in him. Bear in mind that he is not some weenie, but a REAL man’s man. It would seem he made the decision based on what is best for his family.

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    • Neecy
      Aug 24, 2011 @ 12:47:28

      Mark,

      Your story is an exception to the rule. Most men do harbor some insecurities if they make less than the women in their lives. But for your friend, he had already established an ability to be either equally yoked or better than his wife in the beginning. If he decided to go back into the workforce he would still go back making a decent equal or better salary than his wife.

      Nothing can account for individual choices. Sometimes it may be best for the husband to be at home with the children while the breadwinner wife brings home the bacon. I’m saying that is not a bad set up and if it works for both the husband, wife and children then I think that is great! Unfortunately, most men would not be able to handle that set up without feeling insecure and then later taking it out on the wife.

      Personally I would rather myself or my husband take care of our children in the first stages of their life b/c there is just too many lunatics out there watching over other people’s kids.

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  12. zorro
    Aug 24, 2011 @ 21:48:06

    takeninhand.com is probably the most famous domestic discipline site on the web. Is this what you mean by dominance, Neecy?

    Firm masculine control? A firm talking to, and then…over his lap?

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  13. PermanentGuest
    Aug 27, 2011 @ 21:22:19

    “Does this mean I am trying to have my cake and eat it too?… If it is an effeminate man, misogynist man trying to play MASCULIEN DOMINATE man, it’s not gonna work fellas!”

    Here lies the double standard. Do you see it yet?

    Women think it’s ok to put on dominant traits in a work life and maintain femininity, yet if a man puts on submissive traits, they automatically lose respect for him.

    The obvious solution is to either relegate yourself to strictly feminine practices, or live by the same standards you adopt for others.

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    • Neecy
      Aug 28, 2011 @ 01:51:55

      PG,

      What do you mean submissive traits in men? Men who work with the women in their lives and understands he is not necessarily any less of a man if he makes less money or is possibly not as successful as she is? I don’t think dominacne in a man lies in what he necessarily does or how much he makes for a living. Its in HIM. HE will be able to exude dominance in any situation and women no matter how successful she is over him will always submit to that. Also What i mean is that contrived forms of masculinity will not work naturally with dominance b/c they usually take on more of the negative dominant traits than positive ones. Does that make sense?

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      • PermanentGuest
        Aug 28, 2011 @ 22:08:46

        It was a reference to the effeminate man. If women don’t respect this in men, why should men respect dominance/manliness in women?

        I understand what you’re saying. Faking it won’t ever work.

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        • Neecy
          Aug 29, 2011 @ 20:52:05

          Well usually effeminate men are effeminate in all areas of their life. Masculine males by nature would never adopt effeminate roles anywhere in their lives. Whereas, a woman who exhibits masculine traits at work is really only consciously doing it to get through her job. But its easy to turn that off when at home with a dominate man. Actually most women who are masculine at work really don’t desire to be so (unless they are control freaks), and prefer to be able to let her hair down and be a woman in her personal life with a man that takes the reigns. Men are not expected to be effeminate at work, so there is really no reason for a man to ever be effeminante unless that is how he was raised or who he is as a person.

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  14. Firepower
    Aug 30, 2011 @ 12:04:15

    the black girls i bang are all into weird dominance bondage stuff. several wanted to play “plantation” and the similarities are not coincidence. i never even knew what that was. still their all wild in bed

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