Here is how I feel about openers and lines for the naturally reserved shy guy:
Nice guys don’t have to finish last. They just need to have a good start. And its not in the form of openers (at least IMHO).
Leave the openers to the experienced natually social guys looking for quick lays with airheads.
Ok so I know the PUA community really places a lot of emphasis on openers and closes when approaching and sealing the deal with women that guys want to
bang get to know better. The focus is almost *ALWAYS* on hotties. But if you’re a shy guy or beta, openers are a waste of time if you don’t even feel comfy or are really socially awkward. That’s like jumping from the pan into the fire. The root of the problem with most Betas or shy guys is simply they are socially inept when it comes to women and social settings in general. They lack confidence and proper body language and motions that make them attractive and to help them to get to their goal.
What you need to be focusing on FIRST and practicing is simple SOCIALIZING not openers and pick up lines. The more you do simple socializing with women the easier it becomes when you don’t have the stress of worrying about getting laid that moment. PUA’s IMO don’t seem to tell men this. They simply go for the gusto. Tell men to get cocky act like a jerk and the women will come running. Women want confident men – NOT JERKS. The problem is so many women today are clueless and they believe confidence *IS* jerky or cocky behavior. Not necessarily.
Lemme ask you – do you like short money or long money? Short money is quickly made and easily and quickly lost. Long money takes time to build and lasts longer b/c you mastered the skills to gain and maintain money for the long haul and not the quick, short and easy way. Men need to get back to basics – i.e. CONVERSATION. If you want to bang a bunch of airheads – then go short quick easy cocky route. But If you want to have intimacy and relationships with attractive women with some brain matter and self-worth, then focus on gaining long term skills that will not only help you with getting women on an intimate level but becoming better in social situations with women and people in general.
The best way to master socializing is to start socializing with women in general – UGMO women, moderately attractive women, hot women, your momma, that old lady down the street, the cute little girl on the bike – wait. no, don’t do that too many creepy pedo’s out there for you to get away with this, the clerk at the grocery store ALL WOMEN (except the cute little girl on the bicycle).
Nice guys/shy guys etc. its important to realize that a guy is not interested in a woman UNLESS he is trying to close the deal in some way that clearly suggests he is interested in getting to know her better as a person of intimate interest. A guy simply chatting you up, as far as I am concerned, is a guy simply just chatting you up. Nothing more and nothing less. Until you make *that move* its just a friendly conversation.
Too many nice/shy beta guys don’t understand this. They stare, glare and look but have a hard time making that move. And that is not really b/c they are afraid of rejection, they simply haven’t mastered the skills of being social and finding their comfort zone.
So how does one do that? – start talking to all kinds of women and getting comfortable just talking. Not trying to get laid, not trying to get numbers. JUST TALKING and practicing your body language and learning to read a woman’s body language. Then move into simply asking for what you want (once you have mastered this and now are speaking to girls of interest) – a phone number and/or an opportunity to meet up with her in a different setting sooner than later.
Often times body language for men is not discussed or is underrated. Its usually all about what you say. But a man who knows how to use proper body language doesn’t have to say much or have a repertoire of lines and openers.
There is nothing like a man in a social setting who is:
focusing his attentions on who he wants
slowly and comfortably approaches her
begins making regular SIMPLE conversation with said woman
is giving her intense eye contact
not fumbling, stuttering, looking around, being too cocky, too nervous.
Basically He’s solid and relaxed. He is not pressured, she is not pressured. Then he starts moving into the next step of showing intimate interest. He’s not going to spend all night or a lot of time chatting her up at the club or bar or whatever public setting they are in. He knows when to cut the convo short and ask for the digits. This peaks her interest b/.c he has not exhausted the conversation in a setting that is not really made for long talks or deep convo’s. So when he finally drops the hammer to get to the next level, its a reaaaal easy transition. That hammer could be something as simple as “I want to talk more with you but obviously this isn’t the place. Why don’t we exchange numbers and talk later or meet up later in a more convenient setting” Or something to that effect. The idea is he is keeping it short, simple and sweet but enough to draw her attention and keep her interested in wanting to talk with him later that night or the next day.
A nice guy can get there. But you first have to master the skill of simple conversation with ANY WOMAN. Before you know it, the hotties are just regular women who don’t always want to be a thought of as a means to an end if you know what I am saying.
Of course if you are a shy guy or a “beta” (ugh hate those terms) who typically feels uncomfortable cold approaching women in public places or social settings, then you will most likely think harder than the average Joe who has naturally mastered socializing. When you are thinking, you look like you’re thinking and she is thinking “this is the longest two minutes” of her life. Usually openers require that you THINK and you stay on a course. You are somewhat scripted. If something happens, and you get thrown off – then what? You jump to another opener? But when you learn to simply master the art of proper body language, normal conversation and reading women’s body language you don’t need openers. Just an ability to start and hold a conversation with a woman. And once the conversation has exhausted, then you close the deal by asking for her number or something in effect to getting to the next step.
Or you can take another route. By socializing and practicing on Women who don’t move you one way or another – (these can be family members, female buddies, women in social setting or professional settings) you can learn a lot about female body language and interacting with women in general. You get the basics so to speak without the pressures of rejection or wondering if you will get laid within the next hour or so with that girl.
The idea – don’t think “I gotta get laid”. The problem with tooo many nice or shy guys is they go straight for the bull’s-eye target without having the foundation or experience in dealing comfortably with women in a social setting. They don’t even have the basics down. Think – Practice. Practice with every woman that comes within your vicinity until it becomes second nature for you to interact comfortably with women on all levels. This will improve the relationships with all the women in your life (including family and friends). Let’s pray that your momma or sister doesn’t want to jump your bones by the time you finish mastering the skills needed to be an effective socializer with women *crossing fingers*. (ewww Neecy did you really go there? UGH!)
Learn how to be comfortable in the presence of women. Learn how to look at them and make eye contact. Learn their reciprocating body language (positive and negative). If the ugmos don’t even respond to you in favor you know you have more work to do.
Most men who are not getting laid or having success with women simply bull’s-eye the girl out of his league (but hasn’t yet mastered the ability to gain or keep even the most undesirable woman’s attention). He fails time after time and suddenly his confidence level tanks.
by now you have mastered your comfort zone, you know how to stand, use your voice, hands, eyes and stance. You’ve learned *basic* female body language from the undesirables or from other women in your life who you are not trying to sleep with. You are simply chill talking to the girl of your dreams b/c you talked to so many women on so many different levels they all start to look the same in the sense that you don’t feel the slight bit nervous talking to a hottie or girl of interest than you would an UGMO, your sister, the old lady down the street, the grocery store clerk, the cute cashier, etc.. And this will give you the confidence to approach ANY woman of interest.
If you are not getting laid currently, then what more have you got to lose by simply putting into practice socializing with a bunch of women who can be your Ginuea pigs? Its like interviewing . If you are out of work (think if you are not getting laid), the best thing anyone can do is interview with all kinds of companies (or socializing with all kinds of women).
Some people sit and read all these books on interviewing waiting for the perfect interview with the perfect job opportunity with the perfect company. And then what happens? – they get the interview (which wasn’t easy to get) and then blow it b/c they didn’t have enough practice INTERACTING in interviews. Some of the best jobs I got, I got b/c I FIRST spent time interviewing with all kinds of companies and jobs. If I got a call for an interview, instead of saying “I don’t even want to work for that company” I went anyway to gain experience in interviewing effectively. I found if I couldn’t get a call back from some rinky dink undesirable company, I knew I needed to switch things up and keep focusing on making myself and my qualifications more desirable to snag the better job with the better company. Same thing applies with a shy reserved Beta guy trying to learn how to become more socially comfortable around women and with women he is interested in.
Personally, I feel that telling shy or reserved guys to focus on openers and such is a waste – but closes are IMPORTANT. So how do you close something you never opened? Well actually you are opening, but not with some contrived lines, but rather opening with CONVERSATION that leads directly into you showing interest through other forms of body language. I think that men and the use of body language is very underrated. A man’s eyes, stance, motions can relay so many attractive or unattractive things. You can be saying all the right things, but your body language could be conflicting and make you unattractive.
Too many times men are simply focused on talking their way to a woman and that is so played out. Its time to start amping up the body language and using simple conversation techniques instead of lines and openers. . Practice this as opposed to “openers” and lines and see what success you have with women. To me, the best guy out of the bunch is the guy who is simply getting to his goal using the most effective efficient non-threatening means possible – body language, eyes, motions and basic short to- the- point conversation.
Next up (MARELLUS) female body language and “come hither” cues!!