Everyone grab your gloves, goggles and Gladiator gear!! We’re covering SHIT & TESTING it at the Nest today!!

Woo hoo exciting stuff huh?

 Alright for those PUA challenged visitors I am not talking about these kinds of shit tests:

*****Picking up a piece of shit, placing it under a microscope,  and running tests on the organisms within it.

 *****Testing what it is that causes you to take a shit

 *****Sitting down in class suddenly realizing  “Oh SHIT, there’s a TEST!!”

 *****Testing your shit throwing skills by throwing it at people you hate. *wait, this actually sounds like a great way to let someone know you hate them*

 Nooo.  We’re talking about the commonly used term “shit test” that the PUA’s use to describe what women do to the men in our lives or sometimes even men we may not even know, but who may be trying to get to know us. Instead of picking up shit and throwing it at men who irk us, or sporting t-shirts that say “Men are stupid throw shit at them” women shit test in the form of words and actions that seek to put men on the defensive or offensive.

 It makes sense I have to say and I am a bit surprised this is not a more well-known commonly used term in culture and society. I actually believe the new term for women nagging and/or  “trying” men is called shit testing b/c, let’s face it ladies we do it – sometimes consciously and other times unconsciously.  Basically, we are giving them (men) shit and seeing whether or not they can pass whatever it is our little female minds can conjure up to determine if the guy is worthwhile – hence  SHIT TESTING.

THE TEST OF THE SHIT TEST – Will the shit testee fold or hold?

Now shit testing does not just or only apply to women/men in intimate relationships, but shit testing can be done to anyone in whom the shit tester is trying to establish some sort of hierarchy or dominance in some sort of a relationship.  It also stems around testing another person to see if they are able to stand up to you and hold their ground, or if they will buckle, fold  and give in to your shit test.  If they do (the latter), then usually you have gained control and power in that relationship and the other person in your eyes has failed to make the grade as the power player in the relationship. If they react in the former, they have established themselves as a force to be reckoned with b/c they are able to hold their ground. Matt, Neecy Nest participant had a great explanation on how both men and women shit test outside of the relationship arena.

“Shit testing is done by everybody, male or female, when they first meet somebody. It doesn’t matter what kind of relationship they’re entering (professional, intimate, friendly, etc). It’s done both to establish the boundaries of that relationship and to gauge what the hierarchy in the relationship is (who’s dominant, subordinate, etc). It’s not necessarily abusive. It’s just the “feeling out” part of the relationship.

The difference I’ve noticed between men and women’s shit testing is that once the hierarchy of a man’s relationship, or group, has been established, he stops. Women almost never do. My guess is because men use groups to accomplish a specific task so the leadership doesn’t need to be called into question unless the leader is doing something monumentally stupid. Women’s groups seem to be much more fluid and constantly changing. Hence, more shit testing to make sure the leader is always fit to lead.”

Very true and real. Although, all shit testing is not abusive, too many people do abuse it. Look at group interactions of any sort and you will see shit testing going on from those seeking to gain power or control in that setting.  Your boss, that bitchy co-worker, the person trying to cut in front of you in line at the semi-annual IKEA sale and any situation where someone is trying to gain control of a situation, they will shit test you to see if you will either fold or hold.

Notice the times you folded, what usually happens. That person continues to test you and their power  or control over you. If you hold, that person shit testing you will eventually stop shit testing b/c it’s a waste of their time and they know they will not get anywhere, or they will actually become the submissive person b/c they just wanted to see first see how you would handle confrontation or your ability to take control. In more ideal situations, if you do hold, the person (even if they have already established some power over you) will respect you and treat you as an equal more than a subordinate.

 SHIT TESTING MEN  – THE RIGHTS OF PASSAGE TO MANHOOD IN A WOMAN’S EYES

 Women usually shit test men whom they may deem  as being invaluable,  showing signs of weakness, one in which her spidey senses are urging her that dood is full of shit, or one in which she is trying to test his ability to establish a dominant masculine stance. WHY?  b/c she ultimately is looking for a partner that she can trust and depend on to be a man and stand up for himself and the people he loves. So shit testing is a  round-about way of learning these things and whether or not her attraction to the guy will decrease or increase based on his reaction.   

Softy guys who take shit test after shit test from a woman and FAIL,  eventually dig themselves deeper into the  “he’s a wimp” abyss with women b/c most women want a dominant/assertive kind of guy with some backbone. (BTW Dominant doesn’t mean asshole at the Nest).  Once he does this, she uses her power to constantly degrade or put him on the spot testing his manhood.

 Shit testing by women is COMMONLY done in LTR’s and in marriages. The naggy wife who is always on her man’s case and busting his balls b/c he isn’t living up to her expectations as a partner or man.

 The best ways for a woman to avoid being a shit testing wife or LTR g/f is by picking and choosing her men properly in the beginning. IMO if shit testing *MUST* be done it should be done at the initial stages of meeting and getting to know a guy as opposed to the latter stages when you have already entered into a serious commitment with him.

 Of course, things and people can change over time and that is out of one’s control *shrug*. But my point? Ladies, If you are a woman that shit tests your guy frequently, then its YOU who has to ask yourself why you’d rather spend time and energy nagging someone that you obviously don’t trust or respect and why you have not moved on.  Consistent shit testing on a woman’s part signals a high tolerance for drama, BS and games IMO.  

 I know a person very well  who I realized does this to her husband CONSTANTLY. And she does this b/c her husband is a nice guy but has not been able to establish a dominant role in the relationship. He doesn’t work and is  not very educated.  He doesn’t initiate sex or intimacy. She is the bread winner and has felt the stress and pressure of being the sole person providing for their entire family. This bugs her as well as the fact that he doesn’t take control in the bedroom to fulfill her sexual needs.

Before they married, he was in a much better position and promised her a lot of things. Now married (each has a child from previous relationships that both live with them) things have been a struggle for the most part. She is working 2 jobs as a result to keep their heads above water. So as a result, she is constantly shit testing him in front of friends, family and others. And I notice the times he stands up for himself she backs off and calms down and laughs. Other times when he caves in, it’s like steam rolling to the 100th power on her part. She goes in for the kill and doesn’t stop! Its one issue to the next…

 Here’s my personal view on shit testing. I, Neecy, will only shit test a guy or person if my spidey senses are telling me something is up and not right. In the past and even presently I have only shit tested  former b/f’s or guys whom I felt were trying to pull a fast one or whom I feel were lying or simply up to no good.

 Usually for me, a guy can easily establish a dominant role simply by doing so without the urge of a shit test. But some women cannot or have not learned the other ways in which she can feel out a guys “backbone” factor other than shit testing him.

SHIT TESTING MEN AS A DEFENSE MECHANISM

In the male / female dating arena its women who are the choosier sex and therefore part of being choosy means screening out the undesirables.  Women will “shit test” men to see if he meets her requirements or to make sure he is legit or has good intentions. I don’t bother. I just simply observe his words, actions and demeanor and make a judgment from there. Shit testing  in general is to dramafied in my eyes, but shit testing a guy you don’t know or really care about is a waste of time and energy. All a woman has to do is be observant.

 A man up to no good usually will slip it out *I wasn’t talking about his member but since you brought it up, yes even his MEMBER* LIKE CLOCK WORK if a woman is paying close attention.  But I am not every woman and fact is most women shit test guys they don’t know to protect themselves from crazies, predators, assholes up to no good, and players (provided she is not attracted to these types and seeks to avoid them).

 Also,  women who have been burned  a lot of times by men are the ultimate shit tester’s b/c they have developed shit testing as a defense mechanism to avoid types she may have been hurt or used by in the past.

 MEN?   YES, MEN SHIT TEST!

Contrary to popular belief MEN shit test women too. I don’t care what they say ladies, they do it. However, it’s usually not in the same way women do it. Men shit test for two reasons and two different ways IMO.

 (1)    To establish a dominant position in a relationship in a healthy way

(2)    To establish a dominant position in a relationship in an UNHEALTHY way

 The first guy who shit tests in a healthy way is a man who, unlike a woman will not say things or let on to the fact he is shit testing.  His is a lot less dramafied than a woman’s shit test. A lot of times a woman doesn’t even know she is being shit tested by such a man b/c he is very much able to do so very easily without notice.

When a man is testing a woman’s ability to be a submissive easy going partner, he will simply without asking or letting on TAKE control and start doing things that a more dominant/assertive man would do in any situation. He assumes control – but in a non-threatening and attractive way. If the woman responds favorably and adjusts accordingly, things are good to go and he will not shit test her throughout the relationship unless in some way she challenges his masculinity or dominance.  If the woman responds in a she-man ball busting iron fist femnazi on steroids kind of fashion, he simply finds his way out of that arrangement – and fairly quickly. IOW’s  guy number 1 shit tests as needed, but usually with subtle actions and not many words.

Guy number 2 is the asshole who  asserts his dominance over a woman  by literally tearing her down and making her feel inferior. This guy uses more words than anything to tame a woman and to force her into a submissive role by playing on her insecurities.  Liza commented a provided a good example of things guys like this do to shit test women:

“Men do a lot of “shit testing “as well (i.e. making rude off color remarks, flirting with other women, talking about or with other women and so on).”

 YEP! Men like this cannot gain dominance in a healthy way, and instead seek to make a woman feel “less than” by brow beating  her subconscious into a submissive role in  a negative way in which she feels she is beneath the guy.

When a guy does those things Liza mentioned, he is trying to keep his woman on the defensive constantly – second guessing herself and her value as a woman and in that particular relationship, and overestimating his value. Guys like this are the female version of a Drama Queen. They like and love drama and constant arguing, fussing, and negative banter between themselves and the women who put up with their nonsense. They do not like even keeld well balanced non dramafied relaitonships. AVOID at all costs ladies!

Unlike guy number one – who stops shit testing after he has established IN A HEALTHY WAY a dominant position in the relationship, guy number 2 NEVER STOPS shit testing. He understands that he has to continuously shit test a woman to keep her and to feel like a man.

Many women fall for these types of men not really understanding what real dominance consists of in a man. They believe this guy is a *REAL MAN* because he asserts himself  that way, although real men don’t have to do or say much to gain dominance in a relationship with a woman – a woman of any substance will naturally fall in her place with the *RIGHT* guy.

IS SHIT TESTING REALLY NECESSARY?

Hmmm. Good question Neecy! Maybe someone can answer that?

I guess my point in this essay is to make men aware of the fact that it’s not just women who shit test. Although men do it in different ways, a shit test by any other  gender is still a shit test.

 As I mentioned, shit testing can be healthy if done infrequently and at initial stages of any sort of relationship.  Also, if its done in a way that doesn’t make the person feel defensive.  Shit testing done frequently  in excess that causes others to be on the defensive, is just a sign (IMO) that a person (the shit tester) has a high tolerance for drama and BS.  

 The  idea of shit testing never occurred to me even though I have done it or see it done in real life, TV, movies by people. I think it should be more widely discussed and described as to make people aware of why they feel the need to shit test and if there are more or better ways at establishing healthy ways of gaining power, respect or giving others control, power and respect in a relationship.

 I know for myself any relationship I enter, I won’t tolerate unhealthy frequent shit tests and I don’t feel my partner should either.

THOUGHTS?

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53 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Neecy
    Oct 19, 2011 @ 22:14:31

    Question: is this a shit test?

    The lady I discussed in the essay who shit tests her husband – I believe shit tested me this weekend.

    I had loaned her some money back in April in which she said she would pay me back in June. of course its now October and i still haven’t received my money. I never asked for it b/c I know she is struggling and is the only person carrying the load in her family. However, this weekend we were out and went to the mall. She receives a discount at MAC (a make-up store) and we bought items. Now, she owes me money, yet did not offer to pay for my portion of the make-up. She also bought herself some make up.

    After that, she and her husband went into the mall while I went somewhere else. We met up later and they are both walking with two pairs of shoes from a shoe store. So finally, I said something. I basically said that I think it’s a slap in the face that she owes me money, YET is shopping and hasn’t offered me a penny. I also went on to say that the ONLY reason I never asked for the money is b/c I knew she was struggling. But for her to go shopping knowing she owes me money is TACKY and GHETTO imo.

    She got mad and said that I shouldn’t do that to her yada yada.

    I’m basically letting it go as I know I will never see the money I lent her. She will *NEVER* get another dime from me *EVER*.

    But was that a shit test she used on me to see if i would not saying anything?

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    • MK
      Oct 20, 2011 @ 06:20:07

      That was dirty of your friend I don’t view that as a test per se just bad ethics of buying luxury items when they owe someone money. It was disrespectful to do it right in front of you though. I don’t like to lend money for that very reason too many people view it as a gift these days, very twisted.

      I’d say her relationship is in huge trouble though I mean how long before she leaves that dude my aunt was in a similar spot and bounced when she realized it wasn’t going to change.

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      • Neecy
        Oct 20, 2011 @ 08:38:23

        Unfortunatley MK this person is a family member. But I am so done. I won’t be lending out money anymore. The audacity of some people. This has definitley affected my relationship with her b/c I choose not to be around people who act like this and do such things. She’ll be coming back up this weekend and frankly, I will be finding something else to occupy my time, I am disgusted with her.

        And yes, I am not sure how long that relationship will last either. There have been points where she has said she wanted to leave. But then she sticks it out b/c he is a good guy and he does take care of the kids and does all the cooking and cleaning. Basically they have reverse roles. So she doesn’t have to do any of the domestic like things with the kids or with the house or cooking.

        But still when one is financially struggling its hard. Now she has a second job and claims that she will be back on her feet soon. I got a surpise for her – she won’t be receiving any kind of gift on X-MAS either.

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    • Liza207
      Oct 20, 2011 @ 07:14:01

      Neecy, I know women like this. They made a poor choice by choosing a loser as a mate and now every around them has to pay for their poor choice. I usually put a distance between myself and these kinds of women. You can still be friends with her but keep her a safe distance. She obviously doesn’t value your friendship otherwise she wouldn’t have compromised it by borrowing money she knew she could not or would not pay back. Buying MAC make-up and she is struggling, really?

      And yes, she was shit testing you to see if you would ask for the money she borrowed. She probably has it in mind to hit you up for another loan. I have had a few people try this but you only fool me once.

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      • Neecy
        Oct 20, 2011 @ 08:51:53

        Yeah Liza I am certainly putting distance between myself and this person. Unfortunately she is a family member, but for the most part I still don’t have to be around her. Also you are right. She chose a guy who she knew was not educated and was from the streets. When they were dating he still had money, but somehow doesn’t anymore. I asked her why she would marry someone like him (despite him being a good guy) knowing that he has never held a normal job and has no work history or education. She said when they were dating he was financially helping her out and had money and promised to take care of her. Now suddenly they are married he doesn’t have shit.

        He cannot even get a job even though he has been trying for months.

        At the end of the day it’s not my problem ad I am not going to make it my problem anymore. She won’t EVER in this lifetime get one dime or anything from me again. The saying goes “as long as you owe me money, you can’t get nothing from me” (or something like that).

        I have learned my lesson and won’t be doing anymore loans with people unless I have a history with them and know they will pay me back.

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        • Liza207
          Oct 20, 2011 @ 09:01:48

          If a man does not have a work history, a marketable skill, or a legitimate business why would marry him and have children with him.

          I already know that type of man she is with too. Black women need to stop wasting their time and years away on losers like this. I do not matter that he is NICE there are plenty of nice men that have a work history and marketable skills. So why would choose one that does not?

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          • Neecy
            Oct 20, 2011 @ 09:20:25

            EXACTLY Liza! These poor choices Black women make in men that only further bring her down are becoming tiring. I am no longer blaming these men, but rather the crazy idiotic women who choose them. Don’t come crying to me about how your husband can’t get a job when YOU KNEW his ass didn’t even finish high school and grew up in the streets.

            She simply went by the things he said and the fact that he was financially helping her out when they were dating. Now she is saying “if she had known then what she knew now”. Uh sorry chika, you are now married so you can’t just up and leave like you could when you were dating. Luckily they didn’t have kids together, she has a daughter and he has a son. She is always saying how far ahead she would be if it were just her and her daughter she had to take care of.

            This is why she is always telling me to stay single and be happy I am not “tied down”. That is b/c she made a bad choice in a husband and cannot do the things she likes b/c her money is tight due to being the sole person carrying the financial load in the family.

            I take that back – he actually did have a regular job that she helped him to get at a previous place she worked. A good job where the people liked him and were going to promote him. but what happened? His ass was always calling out and finally it got so bad they just fired him. Can you imagine how embarrassing that must be that you get your husband a job where you work and he gets fired for always calling out? UGH.

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            • MK
              Oct 21, 2011 @ 06:44:24

              My prediction is she is gone as soon as a man gives her some outside attention and he even hints they have a future together. The comments you wrote about all the things she said is like a 100% match with signs pointed out on marriedmansexlife and other sites. That guy needs Athol’s book and to get his sorry ass a job HAHA.

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              • Neecy
                Oct 21, 2011 @ 07:11:38

                Sadly enough MK I really believe this. She has hinted several times to such, although she tries to hold on. But I don’t think dude is going to go that easy. LOL He has had a free ride for so long, where will he go? he literally doesn’t have a pot to piss in. That’s the scary thing. He’s nice and a good person and all but you never know what can trigger a person when they are pushed against a wall. He is also very jealous and always wants to go with her whenever we go out to the store, mall etc. That part is annoying. its like why do you need to go with us to the mall???? What guy wants to do that? When he is not with us, he calls her every damn 20 minutes. SMH

                I guess right now she is ok b/c she has two jobs and is getting it together. But still she doesn’t respect him on the whole. Every time they come up she is bitching about something he does or doesn’t do. who wants to be in a marriage like this? Also who wants to have to work two jobs to make ends meet b/c your partner is not marketable enough to get a job? Also, things are working now b/c he gets the kids off to school, picks them up, cooks and cleans so she doesn’t have that stress. But she still needs that financial help.

                But the sex thing bugs her and I believe will be the cause of her eventually cheating if he doesn’t step it up. She basically told me and my grandmother (IN FRONT OF HIM) that he is not sexually pleasing her b/c he doesn’t initiate sex, doesn’t like to eat you know what (lol) and doesn’t even like to ahem…do things with her boobs (don’t want to be too descriptive lol). 😯 Can you believe she said all of this to my grandmother and I in front of him? 😳 EGADS! how embarrassing….

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                • Liza207
                  Oct 21, 2011 @ 07:44:10

                  Women like her just want to be able to say that they are married. I have a husband–“any old piece of a man” syndrome.

                  I work with a woman who got engaged and after a while she started to complain about her fiance not setting a date after two years of their engagement. He had a stroke (I’m sure she help to bring it on. She is a real pain in the ass and they are an older couple) and while he was recovering he took her to Vegas for a quicky ceremony. LOL! You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to figure out why all of sudden he now wants to get married right away after a stroke.

                  You should have heard her carrying on after she was married. I mean, really?

                  I’m sorry but if that was me…

                  I am sorry but if that was me….

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                  • Neecy
                    Oct 21, 2011 @ 08:14:11

                    Lmao Liza some women are just stoopid and desperate! Lol she cannot even see that dood decided to marry her after TWO YEARS only after his butt had a stroke so he can have a caretaker? Ugh women these days are saaad!

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                • Liza207
                  Oct 21, 2011 @ 07:51:30

                  Okay, her husband is jobless (worthless as a man, basically) and he sucks in the bedroom as well. Wow! Some women really know how to pick them. She just wanted a husband–any husband.

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                  • Neecy
                    Oct 21, 2011 @ 08:18:00

                    Okkkkkay? That’s just unacceptable! You ain’t got no job AAAND you aren’t even holding it down in the bedroom? Lol he’s gotta go for sure!

                    I don’t know what goes through the minds of some wo
                    En. But I do really believe she thought he was going to hold it down b/c he was helping her out tremendously whole they dated. Plus he treated her good. Le sigh. But I will say she definitely tells me to never get married lol

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                    • Liza207
                      Oct 21, 2011 @ 08:45:49

                      Don’t listen to the “don’t get married” crap. Just because they made a poor choice in their mate selection –don’t try to ruin it marriage for others.

                      She should be advising you to make a better choice than she did–not telling you not to get married.

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                    • Liza207
                      Oct 21, 2011 @ 08:53:18

                      Okkkkkay? That’s just unacceptable! You ain’t got no job AAAND you aren’t even holding it down in the bedroom? Lol he’s gotta go for sure!

                      LOL!!!

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                • bob
                  Oct 21, 2011 @ 19:49:34

                  He is also very jealous and always wants to go with her whenever we go out to the store, mall etc. That part is annoying. its like why do you need to go with us to the mall?

                  I call this type a “sick jealous fuck”. They are seriously dangerous. There the ones that will track her down and give grief – if she’s lucky, it stops there – when she ends the relationship.

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                  • Neecy
                    Oct 21, 2011 @ 22:01:56

                    Bob exactly why I fear what would happen if she were to leave. He us very jealous. Some women find this attractive and flattering but it’s nothing to take lightly. Insecure men who are jealous to that degree can be dangerous.

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            • Liza207
              Oct 21, 2011 @ 07:15:38

              Neecy,

              Another thing about your female family member is that she may believe that since you are single and childless that you don’t need the money as much as she does. I often hear this B.S. from BW who are in her situation, so they feel can use you as a human ATM.

              I tell them, yes, I am single and childless but it is my money and I need it just like they do.

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              • Neecy
                Oct 21, 2011 @ 07:24:51

                Yep Liza this is exactly what it is. She feels I don’t *really* need it so she can just act like she doesn’t owe it to me. I have bills, rent and other things I also have to pay. I’m not riding on easy street – no one these days is.
                And then you know what the hell she had the AUDACITY to say to me? One of my older cousins cancer had come back this year and she was going for these special treatments with a natural doctor. B/C these treatments and natural therapist don’t take insurance she had to pay a lot of money to have them done twice a week. I received a nice hefty bonus check one quarter and I gave her quite a bit of money to help towards the treatments b/c I mean for god sakes she has cancer! And the prognosis was not good for her but she really felt these treatments would help. i didn’t loan it I gave it.

                So this female family member knew about this and brought this up this weekend after I confronted her about shopping in front of me when se owes me money. She started saying that I just gave our other cousin money and “she has never done anything for me”. I was like SHE HAD CANCER AND NEEDED THE TREATMENTS! Seriously who would bring something like that up? Their situations are not even parallel. One, she choose a sorry ass man and is paying the price financially, the other is suffering with a terminal illness. My other cousin with cancer did not ASK me for the money I decided to give it to her. And I told this female family member this weekend that, that has nothing to do with HER borrowing money from me, not paying it back and then going shopping.

                UGH. I am so done. I really don’t even want to be around her anymore. She is coming back up this weekend and I won’t be around for sure. I will find something else to do with my time…

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                • Liza207
                  Oct 21, 2011 @ 07:59:06

                  That’s is absolutely horrible. Your cousin has cancer and she was making a comparison of you giving her money from treatments (very sweet, by the way) and you giving her money to help her make her ends meet. She sounds like a sociopath. I have one in my family and they feel absolutely no empathy for others. I keep her at a distance as well.

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                  • Neecy
                    Oct 21, 2011 @ 08:24:13

                    Liza I have decided I cannot surround myself with craziness. She is from the east coast and my fAthers side of the family (my grandmothers kids from another marriage) are just idiots and ghetto. I don’t even deal with them b/c they are those kinds of black people that are always trying to get over. Luckily my dads biological father and his people don’t act like this.

                    I don’t deal with that kind of ghetto stuff. Owing people money and shopping etc. Ugh! I’m done.

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                    • Liza207
                      Oct 21, 2011 @ 08:51:47

                      Neecy,

                      In my opnion, ghetto folks are the worst. I cannot stand to breath the air they breath and I care about how that sounds. I really have an awful aversion to them. I cannot relate to or understand their way of viewing the world.

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                    • Neecy
                      Oct 21, 2011 @ 09:10:21

                      Liza they are and I have no shame admitting this! I have not dealt with this person since elementary b/c she lived on the east coast. All my grandmothers people back there are ghetto and I don’t deal with them b/c it’s always some stupid BS with ghetto people. What she pulledthis weekend is a further testament if why I don’t deal with certain kinds of blacks. They are always trying to get over and it bugs me.

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  2. zorro
    Oct 20, 2011 @ 00:24:31

    “Is shit testing necessary?”

    More importantly, Does it work?

    If it works, it will be done. Seriously, it’s just a way to kick the tires on someone before you buy.

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    • Neecy
      Oct 20, 2011 @ 08:53:37

      Zorro,

      I pointed out that yes Shit testing someone initially is fine as long as its not done in an abusive way.

      But shit testing beyond that IMO is immature and shows that the person doing it can’t make good choices in the people they date. And some people just shit test constantly b/c they get off on a bunch of drama and confrontation.

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  3. Liza207
    Oct 20, 2011 @ 08:01:38

    Neecy, like you I have never consciously shit tested a guy. I just go by his behavior, what he says and how I feel in his presence. What guy is so obtuse that he does not know that flirting with the female server, making out-color remarks, insulting the woman he is tempting to know and talking negatively about women, as a species will garner a vitriol reaction from her, especially on a first date. They know exactly what they are doing. They want know that they have a woman that will eat their shit and smile politely. Moreover, the men who do this are very insecure.

    I knew a guy who was very insecure and on our first date (and only date) he was shit testing from the moment the date began. Since I knew this, I just went along and I did not call him on his horrible behavior (with absolutely no intention of seeing him again), he was doing everything I mentioned above (but he did not flirt with female server, though). I guess I passed his shit tests. So guess what? He was ready to take it to the next level (so it appeared). He started talking about marriage and the future. LOL! I thought this person was a complete loser, a jerk and a little scary too. He was extremely insecure and appeared to be the manipulative type that wanted a woman he could control and would always give him the upper hand and since I did not appear resistant to his bad behavior, (I was very much so). He felt he had found what he was looking for.

    What person wants to be with someone who is always playing mind games? If I was the type of woman who was desperate for a long-term relationship or marriage or had low-esteem. I would have entered into the relationship from hell.

    As you mentioned, I see nothing wrong with a little shit testing in the beginning to see if you have a potentially worthy partner—fine. However, when it is being done to victimize someone it crosses the line.

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    • Neecy
      Oct 20, 2011 @ 09:07:38

      yes Liza, I too have been shit tested by an asshole on a first date as well. The guy who said that b/c I don’t or won’t casually sleep with a guy I am attracted to unless we are in some of relationship that I am being “manipulative” and trying to “trap” a man. I actually laughed at him. Then he had the audacity to tell me that when I get over my manipulative ways call him. LOL

      Idiots are abound and they exist b/c there are women who fall for their crap and shit tests. He was shit testing me to break me down and to second guess my choices.

      But more so i have seen men shit test friends and other women I have been around and all these women do is sit there and fall for it. It’s really sad.

      The best way for a loser man to see if he has a loser woman that will fall for his crap is to start shit testing her early on. If she passes, she will be in an abusive relationship with a guy who only knows how to gain dominance over a woman by subjecting her to off the wall insults and playing mind games with her causing her to feel insecure. And what is even crazier women who fall for these shit tests from guys like this really believe they have a valuable man. LOL. Instead they have a man that has excelled in playing mind games with her to make her believe he is a catch when he really isn’t.

      Men who are real catches don’t spend time playing mind games. They have a lot of options and would never waste time or energy playing games with ONE WOMAN.

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      • Liza207
        Oct 20, 2011 @ 09:30:26

        There are women who believe being in a LTR or marriage means that they are more valuable and more desirable than women who are not. Women who think in this manner usually end up in abusive relationships. My mother is a perfect example, she made a remark about my sister saying that, if she was so beautiful as she says she is then why is not married or has a boyfriend. Meanwhile, every relationship my mother has been in has been abusive in one way or the other because she is of the mindset that if a woman is not involved with a man she is undesirable. How sick is that?

        When women think like this they are setting themselves up for abuse, having a man is not going to validate you–validate yourself first. They usually have very poor to no vetting skills too. Every woman I know who thinks like this has been an abusive relationship at some point.

        I love when they pushing their relationships all in your face (like my cousin does) I just laugh at them. I’m like, getting a man isn’t that hard especially if you desperate to have one. It’s not really that big of an accomplishment, in my opinion–but that is just me.

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        • Neecy
          Oct 20, 2011 @ 09:45:15

          Liza this is exactly what happens in society today with women who are not in a relationship with a man. It’s automatically assumed something is wrong with her b/c she doesn’t “have a man”. Yet when you look at some of the women who always have a man, or are in LTR’s or married and observe the relationships they are in, you start to thank your lucky stars that you don’t need validation of your value as a woman by simply being with a man or your desperation at being with a man to prove something. There are A LOT of unhappy people in relationships. Usually they are the main ones making single women feel bad b/c they are not in a relationship.

          As much as I would have liked to marry or be in a LTR I refuuuuse to just settle. I see way too many women unhappy who have done such and life is too short. If I don’t find a valuable partner in which we can both ENHANCE each other’s lives then it’s not worth it to me frankly. That is what relationships should be about – enhancing each other’s lives not the other way around.

          Also b/c I don’t just settle, I am not a scorned woman who has more negative views about men than positive. I limit my interactions to no good men on a first time ONLY basis if they somehow slipped through the cracks. That way I walk away unscathed and still able to spot out a good man when he comes along.

          A lot of these women who constantly end up in abusive relationships or with men who use them are damaged goods IMO b/c they will never really be able to spot a good man when he comes along, and if they manage to get lucky and find one, she will ruin that relationship with her issues b/c of all the bad choices she made in the past.

          There is a price a woman pays for being desperate in love. And that price is she takes herself out of the game for finding a quality mate b/c (1) quality men run from scorned women with issues brought on by making bad choices in men (2) a scorned woman with issues cannot spot a decent guy b/c she is so used to being with non-decent ones (3) a scorned woman burned too many times will not know how to handle a relationship that doesn’t have a lot of drama and BS from a man.

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          • Liza207
            Oct 20, 2011 @ 09:53:40

            Neecy, you know sometimes these women do recover and find healthy relationships–sometimes. But it’s usually downhill for most of them.

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            • Neecy
              Oct 20, 2011 @ 10:06:54

              I agree Liza some of them do recover. However, the only ones that recover (and they are a small minority) are the ones who recognize they were not always the victim, and rather who realize what it is they did that invited this kind of man in their lives.

              Frankly, most women don’t recover b/c they continue to blame the man as the sole reason for their relationship drama, being used etc. As long as they continue to walk around with this “victimized” mindset they will never learn. It was always be the man’s fault.

              It’s a two way street. I believe a lot of women want what they want and see red flags early on, but still go ahead b/c they want to have their fun. Then when the chips fall down and things don’t work out in their favor, they want to blame everyone but themselves. It’s always “the MANS fault”. Granted there are some shitty men out there who seek to use women etc. But they can only go as far as a woman lets them.

              I am just sick of women who make bad choices and ignore red flags b/c they want to have fun, and then when the OBVIOUS happens they want to cry the blues about how some loser used them etc. Not buying it anymore. This happens to often for me to feel sorry for women like this. Especially women who are constantly finding themselves in these kinds of situations and relationships.

              Its time women start being held more responsible for their bad choices and ignoring of early red flags. The fact is a loser can only get so far if a woman allows it. Being fooled maybe once or twice – okay. Anything after that shows that the woman is the one with the issues.

              Frankly, if I were a man of quality who had a lot going for myself, I would avoid women who were always in bad relationships with losers. It shows a lack of critical thinking skills and a lack of self-value on a woman’s part IMO.

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    • Neecy
      Oct 20, 2011 @ 09:12:42

      Also I wanted to add, that like you I rarely shit test. I think a lot of shit testing is done by younger women or women who have been burned a lot OR women in LTR’s or marriages in which they either made a bad choice in mate or their partners did a 360 for the worse during the course of the relationship.

      I guess I am at a point where I don’t need to really shit test a guy unless absolutely necessary. And then when I do it, I am trying to let him know that i am not falling for the banana in the tailpipe.

      If women were more observant they could easily pay close attention and see if a guy is worthy of further interaction. men usually are not good at hiding their intentions be them good or bad. B/C they tend to be more practical as a whole. However, there are sociopath men out there who are good at playing games with women and the average woman may not be able to detect early on whether he is full of shit. in these cases i would suggest a woman shit test until her heart is content to make sure she protects herself.

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      • Liza207
        Oct 20, 2011 @ 09:36:11

        Yeah, Neecy, sociopaths can be tricky. The best thing to do is not sleep with a guy until he checks out. That’s why women should be careful about jumping in bed with a guy too early. If a guy has an issue with this he can move on.

        Those sociopaths can be hard to shake once you let them in.

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        • Neecy
          Oct 20, 2011 @ 09:53:09

          I agree. The best and only real way a woman can be sure to protect her best interests from no good men is to NOT SLEEP WITH THEM. A guy can play all the mind games he wants with me, as long as he hasn’t got the kitty I could care less.

          The minute a woman gives up the kitty to a sociopath or loser, she begins the downward emotional spiral that comes along with having intimacy with guys like this.

          I believe after a woman sleeps with a man, she has this need and desire to want to stick it out with him and give him chances. That is b/c we connect with men we sleep with. That is why I don’t understand how women sleep around so early with strange men they barely know. All she is doing is putting herself in a position to want to stick it out with him b/c she is connected to him. So that means putting up with a bunch of BS and games.

          A woman who has not slept with a guy who does this, doesn’t feel any real need to put up with him or have him around b/c she did not make an emotional/physical connection with him through sex.

          Women need to be more educated on the power of sex and how it can cause us to put up with a slew of BS. Women who avoid sexual encounters with a lot of men have a very low tolerance for BS and games.

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          • Liza207
            Oct 20, 2011 @ 09:55:44

            Absolutely!

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          • Firepower
            Oct 20, 2011 @ 11:42:42

            i hope thousands of girls are reading this. both you and liz are extremely fortunate to share what you both have learned from your many manstakes. only great expereince in bad affairs can impart true wisdom.

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            • Neecy
              Oct 20, 2011 @ 13:49:47

              So true. It’s scary the amounts of grown adult women who walk around as if they don’t have a brain. I can excuse young inexperienced girls for silly choices and mistakes in love. But I refuse to coddle grown adult women for stupid choices b/c they think they can play with fire and not get burned. Supporting the “sisterhood” goes only so far with me before I start calling a spade a spade.

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      • bob
        Oct 21, 2011 @ 20:04:50

        Pet peeve alert!

        they either made a bad choice in mate or their partners did a 360 for the worse during the course of the relationship.

        If you turn 360 degrees, you are facing the exact same direction after the turn as before. People say this all the time, when it would surely make more sense to say “did a 180“.

        Metaphor nazi strikes again. 👿

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        • Neecy
          Oct 21, 2011 @ 22:06:59

          You’re right bob! What would neecy do without you? I’m learning all my crazy common mistakes I took for granted. :mrgreen:

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  4. Anonymous
    Oct 20, 2011 @ 21:23:02

    Sick new music from Rihanna and Britney spears


    The Chris Brown lookalike, the drugs, the ribbon-colored puke!!!


    Britney Spears and her boyfriend Jason Trawick have given her fans a steamy look at what goes on in their bedroom in the X-rated music video for her single Criminal. The couple play a modern Bonnie and Clyde-style duo who play out their passions with little inhibition

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    • Neecy
      Oct 20, 2011 @ 22:08:42

      I only let this comment and videos through to show that this is why young women today are lost. Maybe I’m “old” but I find these videos as well as Rihanna beyond disgusting. I feel sad for this generation of young women.

      Britney I must say looks good, but her song is just…. PATHETIC.

      I am so glad I managed to get the last glimpse of self respect music once had (in the 70’s and 80’s). its been a downward spiral since.

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      • bob
        Oct 21, 2011 @ 20:15:58

        I didn’t get just that from the Rihanna video. At the end of the video, she leaves the guy, smacking him with her backpack when he grabs at her.

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        • Neecy
          Oct 21, 2011 @ 22:14:26

          You’re right but we saw what 3 secs of that compared to approximate 3-4 minutes of her and the Chris brown look alike doing all kinds of crazy stuff? Just not a good image for young women to see.

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  5. Anonymous
    Oct 20, 2011 @ 22:36:33

    Messages in movies, music, tv
    ALL…..ALL Hollywood Movies and TV and music have ILLUMINOLOGY in them – they ALL have hidden messages, amplifiers, and subliminals. .. pyramids with eyes, pentagrams, eye of hours symbols, the all seeing eye. Thats the DUMB SHIT. That’s like seeing rat turds on the floor of your apartment and figuring out that rats were there, but having no idea WHY they were there in your aprtment to begin with (the answer being of course to eat your leftover crumbs)

    For instance, do you ever wonder why men and women bicker, argue, never get along, and divorce? Most movies today, no matter what they type have ridiculous sub plots with a COUPLE that just can’t get along. They are either at each others throats arguing, or going through a divorce or otherwise going through some conflict with each other. YOU DON’T EVEN NOTICE THIS because you THINK this is the way ‘it is’. MORANS(a level below moron) don’t even see what I call “the dysfunctional couple amplifier”. The couple on screen or on TV is having some sort of CHILDISH drama with each other, and the gaggle of morans leaves the theater and proceeds to make DRAMA with the opposite sex. Both sexes make unrealistic demands(/shit tests) on the other, and like the movies your realtionships become “stressful”, but you tolerate it as NORMAL because the male and female lead like you saw in the movie Friday the 13th that were going back and forth with each other did it, and it seemed to be axillary to the ACTION that was going on during MOST of the film.

    You’ve been tricked.

    I was watching the film Bringing Down the House the other day – the plot is exactly like this The woman divorces her husband (who is rich) because he works too much. She takes the kids and gets a new house and a new younger husband. In the end she ends up ‘realizing’ she still loves him and gets back with him in the end… Happy ending right?
    The viewer however will see this: Woman gets rich husband by divorcing husband, taking kids and splitting up family.
    All that the female viewer sees is DIVORCE AND BREAKING UP THE FAMILY MEANS LOVE!
    DIVORCE AND BREAKING UP THE FAMILY MEANS LOVE!
    DIVORCE AND BREAKING UP THE FAMILY MEANS LOVE!
    DIVORCE AND BREAKING UP THE FAMILY MEANS LOVE!
    The are not intelligent enough to see the paradox in 2 people falling out of love for certain reasons, but then falling BACK in love FOR THOSE VERY SAME REASONS!!!
    Get a brain morans [go usa]!!! Get a brain! She gets the RICH MAN in the end. But she HAD the rich man to begin with! A woman doesn’t give up her rich husband, like a husband doesn’t give up his hot wife – both are meeting the conditions of their love.
    No – all the viewer sees is that DIVORCE and breaking up the family LEADS TO HAPPINESS!! I’m sure that if during the entire time the lead female is drinking diet coke the viewer will also associate the two as well…

    Another dysfunctional movie(cartoon) :

    Coraline is a “family movie” about a DYSFUNCTIONAL FAMILY! But none of you seem to SEE this. This type of movie is MUCH MORE POWERFUL than a Q & K film. The preoccupied parents who ignore their daughter. The daughter who ignored her parents. The father who is running around pussy whipped and arguing with his wife. Their passionless relationship with each other. How both parents have their heads buried in their COMPUTERS and CELLPHONES and ignore each other and their daughter. This is how you people will BEE-HIVE when you exit the theater. A dysfunctional, non-sexual, preoccupied family of hob-goblins with an anti-social daughter that hallucinates about an escape word (read DRUGS) in a hole in the back of her room.

    INPUT => OUTPUT… show the Moran Family on the screen and the sheeple BECOME the Moran Family – as USUAL by way of SUGGESTION. Movies and TV are associated with FAME and importance, so whatever is on the screen the cattle mimic.

    Just THINK – go through ALL movies you have EVER seen – think of the relationship between the family and the male and female lead. Add in violence to solve problems. Add in arguing and then making up with sex (insanity) and you have enough amplifiers to turn the morans in to sub-morans.

    I saw the movie “Mirrors” I guess about 8 months ago. Couple arguing for no reason, going through a divorce, but somehow the violence and horror of the plot ‘brings them together’ – of course in between all this childish, selfish bickering between the two have sex. This combining arguing with sex makes people think that DRAMA is the only way to get to passion. You’ve seen the plot 1000Xs. Man trying to get back with his argumentative wife by partaking in some sort of violent adventure. Die hard, Jurassic Park, Star Wars. Just go through some of the bigger movies and focus on the interrelationships between people that supposedly like each other (couples and family). Do you ever wonder why people argue back and forth about nothing like Han Solo and Princess Leigh? Because they saw it a million times from George Lucas and Co. But YOU don’t even think anything of it! I can’t even watch that film because as soon as the movie starts on Hoth, and they meet, it’s “cue dysfunctional bickering for the next 60 fucking minutes of the movie”.

    Women don’t argue with you for 6 space-months before they figure out they like you. NO, that’s not the way it works. They see you and are attracted to you at first sight, then theyplay with their hair and get all nervous, and then stary following you around in an attempt to get laid. This happens in a matter of hours, not space months. But in Star Wars and Empire you have the girl hating the guy from the first moment – then a whole movie and a half later after MOnTHS of hating each other and ARGUING, they ‘fall in love’? Do you see why the divorce rate is so high? The ORC has lost any ability to trust what he KNOWS is a true male/female experience.

    I remember int eh late 80’s Speilberg made this TV show called “The Family Dog”

    I remember this as being an absurdly dysfunctional family. At the time this was a huge leap in this sort of propaganda — I remember everyone crowding around the TV to see this new show with the “crazy family” … it was pushing the limit back then – but TODAY it seems ‘NORAML’ to the average sheep, and HIS personal relationships mimic this crazy cartoon from 20 years ago.

    E.T. was another Spielberg film where I remember an out of control family (the divorced mom who NEVER paid her kids any attention — and ends up LOSING Elliot because she was more concerned about HERSELF – getting laid at that Halloween party)

    So pay attention , not at the fucking symbols agent 00Jones tells you to jump up and down about – but pay attention to the PEOPLE in the films and how they relate to each other — as yourself if it is normal? Or have you lost that ability already?

    Dysfunctional families in the media- (in music and in TV) the overwhelming message of the music of 2000+ has been to cheat on your boyfriend/girlfriend and have it be NORMAL as a consequence of an unrealistic demand(s) that they place upon each other. just turn it to any pop/”r&b” station nowadayws and the message of cheating on your spouse/boy/girlfriend is astronomical. Avril Lavigne, Pink, Britney, Rihanna (for white people)- Blacks have always had this message with R&B disguised in a “your man isn’t good enough I can give you everything” message- Mobb Deep had a sellout song out like this several years ago, but r kelly is notorious for this as well, along with new guys such as trey songz- point is, this message in music’s main purpose is to get the sheeple to think that this line of thought is NORMAL with songs on the radio that repeat so often it is embarassing why nobody has caught on to the brainwashing implications.

    “if ya like it then you shoulda put a ring on it”
    REPEAT 10000 times.
    “if ya like it then you shoulda put a ring on it”
    nursery rhymes for morans.

    Now we have beyonceeism where the women actually beleive they are little princesses worthy of a rich man. In fact just last night in the bar there were tons of them — purses and noses in the air with a sign hanging around ther neck that says “I AM EXPENSIVE – RICH MEN ONLY” LOL!!! well GOOD LUCK – LOL did you not hear that it is a RECESSION!
    You will see women doing a comple 180 in the months to come – high mainteneance chicks will turn into literal prostitutes as the pool of REAL (read no debt) men become small and the FAKE (read indebted) men will be marched off to WAR in some desert.

    For TV, I was at the gym last week and that 70’s show was on- saw how ashton kutcher’s gf now dates his best friend, and how ashston is trying to get with his best friend’s sister in response, but its funny and humerous and most importantly NORMAL for stuff like this to happen- stuff like this would NEVER happen with my real friends (who do not watch TV, at least as the sheeple do) or with REAL people in the world who want to keep real friendships and committments, but hey- there it goes, if it happens on That 70’s Show, it must be okay- and theres another sheep who goes and does exactly what the TV shows you!

    Homer Simpson is a notorious example of whats wrong with the sheeple- Matt Groening designed Homer to be an oafish, lazy, greedy, unappreciative, mortage having, credit using, clumsy and stupid moran who neglects his family, never works while at work at a job he isn’t qualified in, is a drunk- and guess what? when the show finally switched from focusing on Bart in the early 90’s to him from then on to today, the show SKYROCKETED in ratings and became a huge hit- because it showed an oafish, no brained homer getting everything for free (hot wife, kids, house, 2 cars) all while being charmingly stupid, lazy, etc. people in america could connect and IDENTIFY with him- indeed they saw themselves (most would never admit this outright) in homer to identify with him and
    follow in the fantasy that is presented for 30 minutes every week. This is no different than Beavis and Butthead- Mike Judge originally wrote the comedy to be critical of the very kids that would eventually make up 90% of its target’s audience- retarded, simple minded white boys across middle america. being stupid and lazy makes you WIN. This IS the common cattle.
    ………………

    Moving on.

    The BIGGEST threat to white-people:

    This is the new movie “PUSH”. I call these the white-boy-super-hero-you-can-do-it movies. LOL. You ever wonder what keeps the white boy THINKING he is powerful? A: movies showing a white boy USING super POWERS. Look at me – I can use the FORCE, I can PUSH things…arrrrrggggggg – I may wear Ambocrombie and Fitch, have a boss wife, work in a (office) hive, be balding, drive a volvo, and am absoluteley scared of the city and of black people – but dammit I am POWERFUL!

    The sudden rush of white-boy superboy movies in the past two decades, reminds me of the Blaxploitation films of the 70’s. How did they make the black THINK he was important and powerful? Show him blowing up whitey on-screen. Now he exits the theater and forgets that the cab STILL won’t pick his ass up to take him back to harlem where he slaves away for a jew and lives in a tennament house. Same concept with PUSH, spiderman, ironman, and ever other whiteboy-man movie that is out now. Whitey has been in the crosshairs for a minute now.. especially he needs to be controlled after his wanton housing bubble (loans=welfare) borrowing binge – one of the best ways to keep him from doing any damage whilst he realizes he is going into financial insolvency is to show him images of him using his white, superhuman strength to move the world.

    PUSH, is a blantant and ovious example of another plotless movie – white people will go see this. Why do they want to see a movie with a silly, goofy plot? Because it will make them not feel like the welfare addicts they have become.

    -hives

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  6. Liza207
    Oct 21, 2011 @ 06:55:08

    All I have to say about the comment from Anon is WOW.

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  7. Liza207
    Oct 21, 2011 @ 09:15:54

    Ghetto people, have the attitude that everyone owes them something and that they are entitled to what you have and your help.

    I just don’t understand their mentality and I dont want any part of them.

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  8. Neecy
    Oct 21, 2011 @ 09:20:27

    Yep and I avoid them at all costs. And I have decided I will also avoid family like this as well. You’re right the mentality of ghetto black people is everyone owes them something and they are going to always try to get over. Not to mention their priorities are also screwed up. I mean the last thing someone with financial difficulties should be doing is SHOPPING! You have bills to pay, money you owe others and you’re shopping for shoes and expensive make up? Ugh!

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  9. Liza207
    Oct 21, 2011 @ 09:27:26

    This is one of their many downfalls their inability to prioritize. They are the ones walking around in expensive designer clothes and shoes while their friges are empty and the electricity is about to be turned off. They are a ridiculosus bunch.

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