APPRECIATE BEFORE YOU DEPRECIATE!

I’m mad. DAMN MAD.

 Somebody help a sista out please. I’m a bit confused confrused here.

Why come (as my cute little cousin Deja would say) these days a man paying a woman a compliment is a sure backfire on the fella? Am I the last woman standing that actually sees a heterosexual man paying a woman a compliment as NAT-U-RALL? Uhm, when did it become a bad thing or negative thing for men to compliment women?

There was a time when men complimenting a woman was such a wonderful thing that it encouraged women to feel and always look their best. It made women feel nice to hear a compliment from a well-intentioned sincere man who was moved by her beauty or style.  It actually put a man in a woman’s good graces when he complimented her.

 Women at some point before we entered what I call today the  TWLIGHT ZONE  FEMNAZI ZONE seemed to understand  and APPRECIATE that men are driven by visual attractiveness and often times expressed it when they saw a woman they fancied for whatever reason.  These men weren’t doing it to get laid or gain anything and the women weren’t seeking compliments to feel better about themselves or b/c they *needed* male reinforcement or attention. It was just something natural that both parties (the male and female) partook in as a natural male/female exchange. IOW’s it was not a big freakin deal.

 THESE DAYS? Psshh!

  

Some biotch of a  woman out there is asking “why should I be happy because some guy is complimenting me! Its soo annoying! ”. To you I say *exsqueeze my French * F&!@&(#*(#)  OFF!  Your day is coming you entitled biddy when you will pray to the Gods that a man will even look your way!

 I am so tired of these entitled WOW (Women of the West)  thinking they are all that, that they can afford to act like the world is falling b/c some man is intrigued by her looks or style and said something nice to her about it.

Do you know there are tons of ugly ass women walking around who would give their right arm, left arm, right and left leg one ear, one boob and an eyball to get male attention and to receive a compliment from *ANYONE* of the male species?! ANd yet you got these entitled biddies walking around bitching, moaning and complaining about getting  a  nice lil compliment from a dood? ARRRRGGGH!

 In return for paying a nice simple sincere compliment to a WOW, the poor guy(s) is  called everything but a child of God. YET, men who neg, say disrespectful things,  and go out of their way to ignore these same IDIOTS  are rewarded and showered with affections? What kind of ass backwards crap is going on these days with women? MY GOD!

 THEY’RE EFFING  IT UP FOR EVERYBODY!

 Can you tell I’m just a *BIT* perturbed here? Yeah I am. WHY? BECAUSE I LOVE COMPLIMENTS FROM MEN!! My point  is, some women are so entitled and take their looks so seriously (even if they are super hot), that if its not a man *THEY* are attracted to complimenting them, then it’s a problem. I, Neecy,  don’t care if they are homeless bums or hawt ass men in business suits! LOL I understand men for what they are – men. It doesn’t matter what walk of life they come from, if they are of the male species and have an organ that protrudes from the front lower regions of the body then they will, no matter, what feel moved to say something to an attractive woman. Now I may ignore and/or LAUGH my ass off when a bum or crackhead tries to holler but I am not going to throw a damn hissy fit!

The point is a woman should *NEVER* take her looks so seriously that she becomes jaded b/c looks fade and rather quickly for some after a certain age. So enjoy being good looking but enjoy it in a lighthearted  good way so that youa re not so consumed and entitled based on your looks – something that goes away the second half of your life.

 YET, these Bitchy entitled western women today are creating an atmosphere where male compliments are going the way of the dinosaur and negging, disrespectful remarks,  and put downs are replacing them b/c *SOME* stupid women like and need games to keep their pea brains busy and “turned on”.

The day a man will not compliment a woman for being attractive is the day I don’t want to be living on Earth. But thanks to the WOW out there today who think they can afford to bitch and complain about men giving them compliments, this is soon to be.

 

If you are a woman that *NEEDS* game playing, take your arse to the nearest Toys R Us and/or arcade and have at it! Game playing does not belong in the SMP. Yet b/c so many women these days REQUIRE game playing to even get turned on, men are adjusting accordingly and we’re all suffering for it!

 If you are one of those bitchy entitled women I am talking about I got a NEWSFLASH for ya!  All those guys you are turned on by who are PRETENDING –   lemme repeat  – *PRE-TEN-DING*  to not see your attractiveness, beauty or whatever are PLAYING GAMES with you b/c they know you are IMMATURE and prefer to be treated and talked to  like 2 day old  fresh dog shit (fresh dog poop is stinkier).

 These men are already one step ahead of you b/c they are aware that so many women today require being treated like dog poop for them to move to the next level. So they PRETEND they don’t see what it is that actually caused them to even come to you in the first place (your attractiveness). They even take it a step further by dropping NEGS (making off handed remarks about your looks or style) as a way to take you down a peg while keeping  him in a higher position over you b/c he is making you feel more insecure than good about yourself.  

 YES this is what women are being turned on by and rewarding. I’m convinced there is some mental illness in the female masses these days in which women would find a guy HOT, attractive and worthy because he made her  feel insecure and questioning herself, while the guys who are trying to make her feel good by sincerely openly complimenting her on her style and beauty are “pathetic, annoying BETAS”. UGH!

  

 

 

 

 

THE FOAMERS  VS. THE FAKERS – YOU’VE BEEN HAD GIRLS!

 NEWSFLASH ladies!

NO MAN is going to show interest or try to move to the next level with a woman UNLESS HE HAS A SEXUAL/INTIMATE  INTEREST. What does this mean? That means, he had to find your looks ATTRACTIVE to even want to go to that next level. YESSSSSSS *GASP* Men who are trying to get to the next level with you are INTRIGUED by your looks! In other cases a guy may not be trying to get with you, but just wants to pay a compliment and keep going about his business. At any rate, whether a man is openly expressing this interest or going out of his way to *PRE-TEN-DDDDDD*  he isn’t  interested  means nothing if he is obviously trying to get to the next level with you.

 SO. What does this mean for the women out there who are getting their thongs in a twist b/c some doods complimented her? It means there is NO DIFFERENCE between the guys who are openly complimenting you vs. the ones who aren’t (yet still trying to get to the next level with you) b/c he’s  pretending to not see what it is that the other guys openly complimenting you saw.

 They both are working from the same frame in that they BOTH want or desire to get to the next level with you b/c they LIKE WHAT THEY SEE! The only difference is one guy is actually AWARE of your issues and need for game playing and is FAKING IT while the other  who is genuinely  FOAMING is unaware that he is complimenting an IDIOT who would prefer to be called a “fugly hoe” vs. “a beautiful swan”.

In the end, these days the FAKER wins over the FOAMER. The faker is going to go out of his way and do everything possible to show you that he has little to no interest in your looks and is supposedly “not moved” by your looks. In essence – he’s full of shit b/c he wouldn’t waste time or energy trying to be with you if he wasn’t intrigued by your looks in the first place.

 The foamers don’t pretend, they don’t fake, they just do what comes natural to them as men and that is compliment an attractive woman they may see or have interest in. No game playing involved. Unfortunately, they are treated like utter crap, made fun of, and called all kinds of stupid uncalled for names b/c they didn’t realize they needed to *actually* tell you that you looked like SHIT for you to do a happy dance, drop your drawls, and spread eagle.

 GUYS – KEEP IT SIMPLE, SHORT, AND SWEET

 Ok. Now that I have basically hammered the wimmens its time to get to you fellas. Uhm. Compliments are wonderful guys if they are sincere, genuine and CLEAN. Unless the woman is a prostie, porn star, or obvious skank, please refrain from making “compliments” about her body parts if you are not in an intimate relationship with her.

 THINGS TO NOT SAY OR DO AS “COMPLIMENTS”

–          AYE BOO! I like da way your ass be lookin in dem jeans!

–          DAAAAYYYYYUUUUUUMMMMM BABY you sho lookin like a biscuit I would like to sop up with my gravy!

–          You have an amazing ass

–          Your lips look like they would make great…*NEECY: ah never mind I’m not even gonna go there on that one*

–          Girl, as long as I have a face, you will always have a place to sit

–          You have a nice rack

–          I like the way that dress/jeans/shorts shows off your butt – NIIICE

–          That shirt makes your rack/titts/breasts look real good and BIG

–          When I look at them juicy ass lips, I can’t help but to envy your man

–          You have pretty tits (hahah LIZA remember that one!!!)

–          I could suck on them toes all day and night! DAYUM!

 One more time – WITH FEELING 

Aheam.  I don’t think there is really much more to say on why those or similar sayings would not be taken as compliments and would cause a woman to retreat to her purse for MACE, a registered gun,  or to reach for her cellphone to call 911.

 Black women can attest to the annoyances of being hooted and hollered at from car windows, abandoned buildings, crack dens, street corners,  from “men” yelling out obscenities to her about her body parts that he or they LIKE. UHM NO. Unless you are looking to get the side eye, cursed out, slapped, kicked or shot refrain from doing that – its so low class and GHETTO/TRAILER PARK.

 The idea of a man complimenting a woman is that it should make the woman smile and feel nice.

 Now it seems some women (especially WHITE) are annoyed by compliments like this:

–          *smile*

–          WOW

–          Hi Gorgeous

–          Amazing eyes

–          *head nod* Niiiice!

–          You look Beautiful

–          Nicely put together

–          I like that dress,  the color brings out your eyes

–          Definitely liking the hair  – very sexy/hot

–          You should wear that color more often looks really good on you

–          The best thing I’ve seen all morning/day/night

 To name a few. IOW’s simple, clean,  compliments that no woman should make a big freakin deal about. Just a man expressing his liking for your looks or style.

 Fellas if you don’t know the woman, the compliment should be very easy going and simple but enough to make her smile. Heck even a smile of approval works as well. Sometimes a man can compliment a woman without saying one word but his facial expression (NO, NOT AN OBSCENE ONE) such as a smile or smizing (smiling with his eyes) will make it clear that he likes what he sees.

THE FINE LINE OF THE GUY THAT COMPLIMENTS AND BRINGS A SMILE

VS.

THE GUY THAT COMPLIMENTS AND BRINGS ON THE SIDE EYE, SQUINCHED FACE AND/OR FROWN

 Some men can and do overdo it with the compliments and *THAT* is a turn off b/c then it starts to seem insincere and borderline creepy and/or desperately seeking something by way of over complimenting. NOT GOOD.

 I don’t know it’s weird. Some men can compliment a woman all day every day and she will smile and keep desiring his compliments b/c she knows he is a man that simply loves women and loves attractive women and likes to express it. She will never believe this guy can’t get an attractive woman or has never been with or around beautiful or attractive women. She  just simply looks forward to his compliments regularly with no negative feelings about it.

 Then there are those guys who after a certain point, a woman becomes turned off by him constantly complimenting her. I really don’t know how to directly distinguish where the line crosses, but I guess it different for every woman.

 Just know this – a  man that OBSESSIVLEY compliments comes off as very unbalanced and/or completely shallow. He looks unbalanced in the sense that,  if he is CONSTANTLY over complimenting a particular woman, a woman starts to think he may not have ever been around or with an attractive woman before and thus why he is so OVERLY enamored with her.   In high school I once had a b/f  who was constantly telling me how pretty I was to him. The first few times were cool. But after that  It started to become a turn off b/c I started wondering if he had even been with an attractive woman before.

 Also, obsessive complimenting can be scary too b/c guys who have never had or been around an attractive woman become clingy and possessive often b/c they feel they may never get another attractive woman.

 Obsessive complimenting can also make a guy look completely shallow and totally driven by looks. Usually guys like this are so looks driven that they are a risk b/c as soon as someone better looking comes along he is hopping on that train. He keeps doing this b/c he can never be satisfied. Definitely not the kind of guy any woman wants to get involved with.

 RULE OF THUMB ON COMPLIMENTING – USE AND DO SPARINGLY

 The thing about *SMART* women is they know when their guy is happy. He doesn’t need to constantly compliment her for her to know if he is content and satisfied with her. BUT a woman still wants and NEEDS to hear nice things from her guy about the way she looks or her style or whatever it is that makes her feel good. But she doesn’t want or need to hear it every single hour on the hour.

 It’s best that if you know the woman & see her on a regular basis or are in an intimate relationship with her to compliment her sparingly. Spread them out over time when you *really* feel moved to say something b/c you can’t resist.  Don’t just compliment just to compliment. Do it when you really gotta say it is what a woman wants most – to know when she is standing out.

 No woman wants to hear every day or every hour how good she looks from her b/f or husband.  B/C she won’t really know when she actually does stand out b/c you compliment her all the time on everything. It’s assumed for the most part that you being with her and constantly showing her affection and sexual interest that you are happy with the way she looks.

 In fact, when a  man compliments a woman sparingly in a relationship the times he does compliment her, she really knows he really likes whatever it is he complimented her on b/c he does not compliment her all the time for the sake of complimenting her. (how many times did I use the word “compliment” in that paragraph? LOL)

 Also, know your woman. If she is more modest or conservative she may feel uncomfortable with you always complimenting her on sexual things or body parts.  She may prefer more compliments on her style or non-sexual things. If she is more outgoing she may like the references to her body parts that you like/enjoy.

 Also, kissing, touching and heavy Kino signals non-verbal complimenting as well  – at least to moi 🙂

Examples of hot non verbal co,pliments that will turn your woman on?

If she smells good:

*dive your nose into her neck and breath in heavy with a  MMMMMM sound*

If she is wearing an outfit you like:

*slightly push her outward from you into the middle floor while holding one arm and make a nod of approval with a smize (smile with the eyes) or a sexy smirk and then say somehting like “niiiice”*

If she has a beautifully made up face:

*at a still moment just slightly turn your head to the side and stare at her face with a slight approving smile – do that  without saying a WORD for only a few seconds and make sure she sees this*

If her hair looks amazing/hot:

*look at her hair up and down while lightly playing or touching it, then say something like “niiice”

If she is wearing sexy or hot shoes:

Slightly lift up one of her legs (no, not in the air or behind her ears!) and rub it downward to her foot stopping at the shoe and saying “i like these” with a sexy voice and look

THE POSSIBILITIES ARE ENDLESS GUYS!!!! *I should have been a man*

APPRECIATE BEFORE YOU DEPRECIATE

There comes a time in every woman’s life,  when male compliments will decrease by more than half and she will be thinking back on the days when she took for granted male attention and compliments. I will happily say this: If you are one of those entitled bitchy women making a big damn deal and putting down guys who compliment you, your day is a coming!

 That day will be when you are no longer at your sexual peak of attractiveness and  when the compliments from men (even the “losers” you made fun of) will slip by more than half of what you were used to at your peak/prime. THAT IS WHY you don’t act like a bitch towards nice guys or when you receive compliments from men at any time in life – EVEN IF they were from guys you were not attracted to. If the guy is being respectful and not pushy or overbearing, what’s the biggie?

 I am not saying you have to stop and acknowledge  or have a full on discussion with every man that pays a compliment to you. You don’t have to acknowledge them, but you also don’t have to be rude or a bitch either. Just be polite, say thanks and keep it moving is my philosophy.

 Appreciate them (compliments) for what they are and don’t make judgments on a man simply b/c he is openly expressing a nice compliment to you about your looks. Better believe it will not always be that way, so enjoy it for what it is and maybe good karma will follow you into your elder years and you will still have men saying how lovely you look.

 But if you had an entitled “I’m all that” attitude when you were at your prime/peak, prepare to be ignored in the years when you are not so hot. And frankly, you deserve it b/c if a woman cannot see it’s in a man’s NATURE to appreciate and want to openly express such appreciation for a woman’s attractiveness without being looked down upon or treated like crap, then YOU DESERVE for the last half of your life to never get a glance or compliment by any man!

 Yeah I said it b/c I am very anti bitch in the SMP. You don’t need to be a bitch just b/c you are hot or attractive or young and at your peak. Some women feel it’s their right that if they are at the top of the heap in looks, they have a right to be a bitch to any man b/c they are “constantly bombarded by doods hitting on them”. BZZZT! WRONG – you are never ENTITLED to be a bitch to anyone who is being nice and respectful to you whether they repulse you or not! And if you are – you have a nice big dose of “damn that bitch is tore up” karma awaiting you past your prime.

 Remember Neecy told ya so! SO shape up girls of the West and learn to appreciate the men who appreciate your beauty. Because I can guarantee you, those asswipes who are making off handed remarks, negs, and put downs to you about your looks will certainly not be around in the days when you are really in need  and desire a nice compliment. That ship will have sailed and you will be regretting the poor guys you shitted on for simply being true, real and MEN by expressing their appreciation for your attractiveness.

 Remember:

(I’m about to be super annoying and type this in all caps)

 IT IS NA-TU-RAL FOR A HETEROSEXUAL MALE TO SEE AND WANT TO ACKNOWLEDGE A BEAUTIFUL AND/OR ATTRCATIVE WOMAN! IT DOESN’T MATTER IF HE IS TALL DARK AND HANDSOME OR SHORT FAT AND UGLY. HE IS STILL A MAN AND STILL HAS A PENIS AND IF HE IS HETEROSEXUAL STILL APPRECIATES A WOMAN’S BEAUTY! HE SHOULD NOT BE MADE TO FEEL LIKE SHIT FOR DOING SO IF HE IS BEING KIND, RESPECTFUL AND SINCERE/GENUINE! IF YOU DO MAKE HIM FEEL LIKE SHIT THEN SAY HELLO TO MY LIL FRINN –  KARMA!!!

 

 

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193 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. bob
    Nov 10, 2011 @ 14:13:34

    Great post!

    Only one omission: You forgot the stupid bitches that give men the evil eye just for looking at them with appreciation – after wearing tight/short/low-cut stuff.

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    • Neecy
      Nov 10, 2011 @ 20:49:09

      I don’t see a problem with a guy looking, and you are right is a woman is wearing obviously skanky clothes she wants *the wrong* kind of male attention and should expect some of that.

      but sometimes some men have the creepiest stare and they don’t know when to break the “look” as to not make the woman feel uncomfy.

      Even a sknaky dressed woman doesn’t want any guy staring at her.

      Men should be more conscious about how they look at a woman they are attracted to as to not make her feel uncomfy.

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      • zorro
        Nov 10, 2011 @ 22:00:50

        There’s a bank teller where I bank who has a chest that is just so awesome it is a test of my nervous system not to stare at it and drool. You can tell when you are conspicuously not looking at it when she breaks into a grin. Sometimes it is just physically painful to NOT admire some women’s beauty.

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        • bob
          Nov 11, 2011 @ 07:09:15

          What is a “bank teller”?

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        • Neecy
          Nov 11, 2011 @ 10:08:29

          LOL Funny story. last week when I was in Vegas I was wearing a Guess shirt and well it kinda does make the boobs stick out but not in a skanky way. its just a really cute sexy shirt.

          So one of the dealers I think couldn’t resist and he asked me if he may tell me a joke and hopes that I don’t get offended. So I thought he was going to make some racial kind of joke and I thought to myself it couldn’t or wouldn’t be *THAT* offensive b/c he could lose his job if I really was offended.

          So I’m in good spirits and I say “go ahead”

          THE JOKE was that a lady had on a shirt that said “YES” and so a guy did and she slapped him, and he said “it said YES”. LOL I may not be telling the whole thing correctly but basically he had looked at my boobs and the logo on my shirt and it caused him to make that joke.

          Men are funny!

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          • omerta327
            Nov 11, 2011 @ 13:01:38

            Walking around Vegas wearing a titty-hugging shirt that says GUESS?

            Damn girl, you’re just askin’ for it!!

            I’m surprised guys weren’t looking at your shirt and going “Hmmm… triple C maybe?”

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          • Mark Slater
            Nov 11, 2011 @ 18:24:17

            None of my business, of course, but I certainly hope you guarded your virtue while in Vegas. No doubt there is someone out there who believes you are worth waiting for.

            Ugh. Have enough drama in my life with my flesh-and-blood friends to go concerning myself about cyber-friends.

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            • Neecy
              Nov 13, 2011 @ 21:25:19

              Oh no Mark,

              Neecy doesn’t get down with the wild and crazay in Vegas LOL. I am usually with friends OR family (since I have an aunt around my age who lives there) and/or my grandmother who also likes to go and play the slots. I also like to go shopping and such. No craziness for me in Vegas. I just like having fun and meeting new and interesting people when I do go.

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  2. bob
    Nov 10, 2011 @ 14:16:31

    Sadly, NO comments about a woman’s appearance are safe in the workplace. A woman can apparently regard damn near anything as sexual harassment and make a man’s life hell.

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    • Neecy
      Nov 10, 2011 @ 20:53:48

      GOOD POINT BOB.

      I forgot to add that as the post was already super long. But ITA that men AND WOMEN should avoid making comments in the workplace b/c you never know how a woman or man will take it.

      I remember when I was waitressing we would have those Saturday early morning store meetings that went over sexual harassment and we all would laugh sitting through those meetings b/c we all knew everyone would be fired if the truth be told. LOL What a joke in the restaurant biz! Its nothing but one big FLIRT FEST in the restaurant business. Everyone flirts with everyone. I don’t care what restaurant I worked it it was the same thing everywhere.

      But certain industries that kind of playful flirting is a huge NO NO. Its best to be careful and simply avoid any kind of sexual intractions or compliments in the workplace that could be deemed as inappropriate by the wrong person.

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  3. Liza207
    Nov 10, 2011 @ 14:20:43

    Neecy! All so funny and so true. I will be back with my thoughts.

    By the way, I don’t think that guy (idiot) who made the “you have pretty tits” remark–made it in an attempt to make me feel good. LOL!

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    • Neecy
      Nov 10, 2011 @ 20:54:22

      haha. that was funny though. i cannot believe the boldness of some doods out there. INSANE!

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      • Liza207
        Nov 11, 2011 @ 13:07:26

        Comments like that are usually meant to evoke outrage by objectifying a woman- reducing her to nothing more than a pair of breast. Some men feel that they are always entitled to the attention of random women and if they do not receive that attention, when they want it– they will attempt to demean them.

        I don’t have to acknowledge every guy that passes me on the street–just like every guy that sees me doesn’t have to think I’m hot-so what? I do not know you and you do not know me. Therefore, why work yourself up into a tizzy over someone you will probably never encounter again. I will never wrap my mind around this.

        And, yes Neecy, New York men are extremely obnoxious and rude and it does not matter what their race or social status is either.

        By the way, I don’t mind compliments as long as they are sincere and respectful.

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        • Neecy
          Nov 11, 2011 @ 13:34:45

          You know Liza it could be a geography thing as well that would make a woman more hardened to male compliments than others. I forgot to take that into consideration. Me coming from the West the guys for the most part are respectful and pretty laid back. The only time you would receive obscene comments is when they are from the ghetto or trialer park. So I guess I am not as hardened b/c I don’t receive those kinds of comments from men here on the West Coast. usually they are very nice and respectful and eay going.

          yeah East Coast men can be prrretty bold!

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    • omerta327
      Nov 11, 2011 @ 06:56:55

      So let me get this straight – “You have pretty tits” dodsn’t work as an ice-breaker?

      Guess I’ll have to cross that one off my go-to list.

      Oh well, I’ve still got “Hey, baby, any more room for me in those jeans?”

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    • MK
      Nov 11, 2011 @ 11:33:26

      Would perky vs. pretty have sealed the deal?

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  4. omerta327
    Nov 10, 2011 @ 14:23:13

    You’re right about the fact that compliments should be used sparingly. Over-complimenting a woman in any scenario, whether you’ve just met her or you’ve been w/her for a while, makes a woman think you’re supplicating to her. very effective for dousing a woman’s ‘gina tingles.

    Personally, I think compliments are best saved for women you know – women you have some kind of relationship with. For women you don’t know – i.e. a hot female you see walking down the street – it’s best to keep it simple: eye contact, smile, “Hey” says all that needs to be said.

    The problem with that is – and I see this ALL the friggin’ time – is that kind of exchange is impossible a lot of times because people are scared of those kinds of interactions w/ strangers. Women (people in general, actually) will be looking at the ground or floor as they walk, fiddling w/their cell phones , basically doing anything they can to avoid locking eyes even for a nanosecond with *gasp* someone they DON’T KNOW!!

    I see this everywhere and I think to myself “what’s everyone so afraid of?” Maybe it’s just insecurity or social awkwardness. I remember one time at work I was walking out of the men’s room just as this really pretty girl was walking past – boom, there she was. We made eye contace immediately and I smiled and said “hey how ya doing”. She smiled and said “Hi” really sheepishly, with this look on her face like she was kinda scared by it. The whole thing took maybe 2 seconds, it was just like that. And I came away from it thinking “what’s up with her?”

    And I’ll throw this out there. As far as women actually shunning attention / compliments from men – maybe it’s because these days, when a woman needs her attention fix, all she’s gotta do is get on her damn Facebook page and say “Wow, look! I’ve got 875 friends!! I’m fulfilled as a human being!!” Even tho she’s never met 860 of them.

    And as for these feminazis you speak (blog) of, thankfully I’ve never come across one. Of course if I did, she’d probably be so beastly I wouldn’t want to acknowledge her anyway.

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    • Neecy
      Nov 10, 2011 @ 21:03:22

      I agree Omerta, a guy over complimenting a woman just comes off as desperate and needy IMO. But there is a nice balance and a man shouldn’t avoid complimenting women altogether as some PUA’s suggest.

      Also it could be cultural as well as to why some women or people are more socially awkward than others. I agree that sometimes all a man has to do is smile or say hello with a pleasant grin or look and that is all a woman needs to know that he was complimenting her. It doesn’t have to be a full on “you look nice today”. I find a lot of confident men will simply say “hey beautiful” and keep on going. I like that too, those things make my day even if that is all he said and kept walking.

      I think some women are too proud to admit that they love receiving compliments from men b/c they feel it makes them look needy and desperate. I don’t buy into that. True feminine Women are attracted to men and we want positive reinforcement from men. I see nothing wrong with a woman wanting this. But b/c this society is so absorbed in women taking on more of a masculine identity, that anything that would show a woman and man playing by their roles is a negative. Some women even get really mad when a man compliments other women. Its mind boggling.

      RE the FACEBOOK? UGH! I just couldn’t get into it. In fact I just closed mine down b/c I was so over it. Although I mostly had family and friends on there I find it annoying as hell. Too many people posting irrelevant shit that no one cares about. And you are right, there are a lot of self-absorbed people who use Facebook as a tool for their reinforcement – so ridiculous!

      I can see younger girls getting caught up in that, but grow and adult women using Facebook for reinforcement is silly and ridiculous.

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      • omerta327
        Nov 11, 2011 @ 07:07:49

        You know what, maybe it’s not social wakwardness as much as it’s just that people are so wrapped up in their own lives, minds, routines and social cliques that they build a comfort zone that they, more often than not, don’t dare step out of.

        But damn it, I’m a man – if I want to smile and flirt and appreciate a beautiful woman when I see one, I shouldn’t have to feel like a perv because of it!

        And good for you on deleting your Fakebook, uh, Facebook. That thing eats people’s souls. South Park did a GREAT episode about Facebook called “You Have 0 Friends”. Check it out online, it’s worth it.

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        • Neecy
          Nov 11, 2011 @ 10:01:48

          That’s exactly what I am getting at. no man should feel ashamed or reluctant to smile and say hello to a woman he finds attractive. Believe it or not there are still some of us out there that still do enjoy that. These are some strange & tough times/days for old schoool traditionalists. I’m having a hard time adjusting with my old school self.

          I don’t know, I just never could really get into Facebook. I never used it never commented. My friends on there were always saying why I never made an update or comment. B/C its retarded to me ! LOL

          I had people on there posting what they ate that afternoon etc. Just silly stuff I have no interest in reading or knowing. LOL

          It is a good tool for finding people and keeping in touch. But I find the people I need to keep in touch with I am already speaking and interacting with off of Facebook so…

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          • omerta327
            Nov 11, 2011 @ 13:12:39

            Exactly. people bust my stones about not being on facebook, and I tell them “you can call me, text me, e-mail me – I’m not that difficult to get in touch with.”

            I never feel reluctant to smile or flirt w/an attractive girl, it’s just that women these days seem to have their guard up a lot more – they’re more closed off. I dunno, I’m definitely old-school too, maybe to a fault.

            BUT… the weekend’s almost here. Endless possibilities abound…

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            • Neecy
              Nov 11, 2011 @ 13:39:09

              yeah everyone now is calling me asking why i deleted my Facebook. Uh cause it was pointless and I never gained anything from it and I never used it.

              Like I was telling Liza, it could also be geographic in terms of how women respond to men in public. On the West Coast people are more friendly and laid back and therefore, my views may not apply to a woman on the East Coast where men and people in general are more rude and hardcore IMO.

              On the West people are more likely to be friendly and have light hearted friendly exchanges with strangers. On the East Coast i find the men and women are more rude and bitchy pushy and not very nice or friendly in general. So its definitley a difference based on where you are.

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              • omerta327
                Nov 11, 2011 @ 13:46:21

                Yeah, I suppose. I live in Connecticut and people are definitely a little high strung around here. I feel like a stranger in a strange land – and I was born here!

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                • Neecy
                  Nov 11, 2011 @ 13:54:05

                  Yep. I visit east often (NY and NJ) and there is just a difference in the way people treat each other. People are just rude and unfriendly for the most part in NY and NJ. I don’t know what its like on other parts of the East but its just not a place I prefer to live b/c I am friendly and here on the West coast people are laid back and friendly even with strangers.

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      • Liza207
        Nov 11, 2011 @ 13:24:22

        Neecy,

        You know how I feel about social networking. I do not participate in it– a colossal waste of time, in my opinion. People take online encounters way to seriously–just because you are communicating with someone in cyberspace it does not mean you actually know them. Neecy, You and I met back in April face to face, so you are an actual person I know. I believe that if we had not actually met that I could really call you a friend. Nevertheless, there are individuals on the interwebz who believe that they have a real relationship with someone they have never actually met. It seems people have a really hard time compartmentalizing these days.

        I would really like to elaborate on this but it has been a busy day for me and I am running on empty—TGIF!

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        • Neecy
          Nov 11, 2011 @ 13:42:20

          I believe social networking is best for business ventures and things of that sort. if i ever start a business etc., I would use facebook and social networkign for that. but not for personal use anymore. its just pointless as you said. I agree its a waste of time and that is why i just went ahead and deleted my facebook. I got tired of getting emails about who updated this and said what that was of no real relevance to me. I found it more annoying and pointless than useful.

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  5. zorro
    Nov 10, 2011 @ 17:52:25

    I like the indirect compliment. Observe:

    Me: Wow, that’s quite a stunning outfit you’re wearing today.

    Her: Why, thank you.

    Me: You really shine in that get-up!

    Her: Well, I always try to dress for the occasion.

    Me: Really? When’s your birthday?

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    • Neecy
      Nov 10, 2011 @ 21:04:53

      ME LIKEY ZORRO! I think that is a great and perfect indirect compliment. Easy, friendly, not pushy. I can’t see how any woman could be upset with that kind of exchange!

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      • zorro
        Nov 10, 2011 @ 21:56:35

        …because women look so good in their birthday suits!

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        • Neecy
          Nov 11, 2011 @ 09:56:36

          I’m such a doe doe bird. I didn’t even catch that the first time. Uuuh maybe not mentoning the b day suit thing would prolly be a good idea especially if you don’t know the woman. She may think you’re a perv and be turned off. LOL

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  6. zorro
    Nov 10, 2011 @ 17:54:43

    Or I’ll neg just a little bit if I want to get her to hit me. Because I like the physical attention.

    Me: Nice outfit.

    Her: Thank you.

    Me: You might want to re-think the shoes, though.

    Her: What’s wrong with my shoes?

    Me: Oh, nothing. I’ll bet they make you feel like a winner.

    Her: What’s that supposed to mean?

    Me: Only that the last time I saw shoes like that was at the finish line of the Kentucky Derby.

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    • Neecy
      Nov 10, 2011 @ 21:07:06

      Ok so you know how I feel about negs. But honestly, I would have had fun with this one and laughed. I think Negs only work if they are in good fun and good spirit. This exchange to me was not necessarily a neg (or at least it didn’t feel like one) b/c I personally see an exchange like this fun and playful and breaking the ice.

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      • zorro
        Nov 10, 2011 @ 21:55:35

        A neg is not an insult, just a small remark calculated to slightly reduce a woman’s confidence in her self-image. It throws her off balance and makes her re-evaluate herself. It is not a cruel thing; on the contrary, it is often playful. Women like a challenge. What I wrote above suggests that a woman is wearing horse shoes. If she has any sense of humor at all, she will recognize the playful attempt to poke at her mode of dress. That invites a comeback or a a punch on the shoulder. It is playfully provacative. It says, “I want to play! Come and get me!” It brings out of a woman the girl in her.

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        • omerta327
          Nov 11, 2011 @ 07:13:34

          Bingo. A light-hearted, joking, playful comment like that shows a girl you’re not intimidated by her or her looks. It’s a subtle DHV.

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        • Neecy
          Nov 11, 2011 @ 09:54:55

          Zorro The situation you posted was fun and light hearted and yes any woman with a sense of humor who doesn’t take herself too seriously would have laughed and had fun with that.

          But something bugs me still about the idea that a man would want to reduce a woman’s self confidence by a neg. That sounds like certain men need a woman to be somewhat insecure in order for him to be successful with her. I don’t agree that this is a good or healthy strategy.

          Its one thing to playfully neg b/c you are just a fun person that likes to joke around. But if a man is doing it as a way to reduce a woman’s self confidence that reeks of insecurity on the males part in my eyes.

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  7. Marellus
    Nov 11, 2011 @ 01:14:59

    (fresh dog poop is stinkier).

    Neecy, I don’t know by what empirical method of measurement you made this startling conclusion, nor am I sure how you did it, but from the bottom of my heart I am deeply grateful that you would take the time and effort to give us this groundbreaking conclusion. My next pet is gonna be a cat !!! 😀

    And I loved this article because of that 😀

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    • Neecy
      Nov 11, 2011 @ 10:12:01

      OMG HEY STRANGER!! Where ya been??

      LMAO marellus. But I do have some bad news for you – even fresh cat poop is stinkier to. Fresh anything is going to have an either really bad smell or really good smell.
      😉

      Welcome back!!

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  8. Trackback: Seeking external approval « Fabulous&MoneySavvy
  9. Neecy
    Nov 11, 2011 @ 10:31:31

    I just made a response on the trackback link to an article posted above. I want to address here this issue as well. I’m going to type what I posted on her article she linked to b/c I do htink its important for people to not always feel a need to seek external approval. But in these times too many people have taken that idea and run with it.

    I WROTE BELOW


    Good article and thanks for linking to mine as well.

    I do think it’s important for one to first have a solid foundation and understanding and appreciation of who they are *FIRST*. But I feel too many people today are stuck in their own bubble and do not seek to be pleasant or work at looking and feeling their best b/c their attitude is that “they don’t care about what other people think”. This attitude has created a monster –especially with African American women. Our obesity rates are off the charts, many of us display negative un feminine qualities and characteristics in public b/c we simply “don’t seek outside approval” and “don’t care what others think”.

    At some point we all seek external approval. It only becomes unhealthy if that external approval is what completely drives you and defines you as a person. But one who already has a solid foundation seeks external approval simply b/c they enjoy feeling and looking their best and receiving the positive reinforcements that come with it.

    If we didn’t we wouldn’t comb our hair or dress a certain way. We wouldn’t get education. I am not saying we do not do this for ourselves, but let’s face it we do seek some sort of external approval from others.

    I believe women SHOULD want positive reinforcement from men b/c they are the sex that we need for pro creation and relationships. There is nothing wrong with enjoying and seeking some sort of positive validation from a man by looking your best. There is also nothing wrong with doing things that will garner positive responses from others (both men and women) b/c in the end, people who think with this mentality of “I am not seeking approval” tend to go overboard and become such repulsive members of society either in their attitudes, appearance or disruptive or negative public behavior.

    Many more African American women need to start caring about what others think IMHO.

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    • omerta327
      Nov 11, 2011 @ 13:23:30

      Nothing wrong w/seeking external approval, as long as you’re coming from a position of inner strength first. That core confidence and belief in yourself has to already be ingrained in you.

      If you’re looking for external validation to build your confidence, you’re just building a castle out of sand. And like Hendrix once sang, castles made of sand fall in the sea, eventually.

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      • Neecy
        Nov 11, 2011 @ 13:48:57

        GREAT point. i agree too many damaged and insecure people who don’t have a solid foundation of inner self love/value do seek it in external ways and that is very unhealthy and dangerous. That is how so many women end up in pump and dump relationships with men.

        BUT I was once a person who “didn’t care about external approval” or “what people thought” and i was also at my worst too. I think its a cop out to say that no one should care about external positive reinforcements. Every human being at some point seeks this regularly in many ways. I find the people who are so caught up in only pleasing themsleves tend to be the people that others don’t want to be around or tend to be women that most men find repulsive and unattratcive. If they are fine with that, cool.

        The point I am making is, a healthy woman can and should not feel guilty for feeling good about getting positive reinforcement from the opposite sex AT ALL. Too many women are made to feel guilty for feeling this way and I am no longer going ot fall inot that trap. I am comfy enough with my self esteem to say that I don’t NEED a man to tell me anything for me to feel good about myself. I WANT it b/c I am attrated ot men and its natural to want to be attractive to the opposite sex.

        However, if a woman solely uses male validation to define herself and her value as a person, then there is a problem.

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        • omerta327
          Nov 11, 2011 @ 14:10:05

          So why are women made to feel guilty to feel that way? Who exactly is hammering these feminist thoughts into girls’ heads? When / where is all this happening? Looked back to your OP but couldn’t find an answer.

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          • Neecy
            Nov 13, 2011 @ 21:22:30

            I think it’s a mix of modern society that teaches women independence and not depending on men for a lot of things – including self-value and worth. While I agree a woman should be independent and not rely on a man to make her feel complete or to have a fulfilling life, I think its gone so overboard that women who *do* enjoy or welcome positive reinforcement from men are often seen as desperate, needy, insecure and needing male attention to feel good about herself. This is not always true although this is the main reason so many women are made to feel guilty and weak if they like male validation of some sort.

            But the kicker is all women seek male validation b/c they want to be attractive to the opposite sex. But most women will not admit this outright. However, if you look at the things they do like wear their hair, dress and/or act in certain situations around men; they are definitely seeking some sort of approval from a male. I think its natural as long as its not done b/c the woman has no inner self value or solely relies on outside male validation to make her feel worthy.

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    • Liza207
      Nov 14, 2011 @ 09:32:56

      This was a really great response. Hell yes, the way one carries one self tells the world and those around you how much you value yourself as a person. Imagine just showing up for a job interview for the white-collar position dressed down and looking unkempt. Do you think they will take you seriously as a candidate? And you want the job, right? I mean, even blue-collar positions require a formal dress code during the interviewing process.

      I just do not get the mindset of some women these days. Black women have the worst PA of any group in this society but instead doing something about this issue –many of us just continue to bury our heads in the sand. I think a lot of them have just given up and thrown in the towel. I see some of us walking around and wonder what is going on and they are so quick to strike out at any other BW that is tight and has it together. They refuse to put any work into themselves but will be ready to tear down any other BW that does.

      Neecy, referring back to your last post, “the way we were”. There was a time when BW had a more attractive image. We took better care of our bodies and took great pride in our overall appearance. I love to watch some of the movies and TV shows from back in the day, when most of the BW on them were slim and trim, graceful, feminine and sexy. However, those BW have been replaced by fat, loud, obnoxious, unfeminine she males.

      The madness has to stop because we have a very serious imagine problem and I really don’t see it getting any better.

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      • Neecy
        Nov 14, 2011 @ 09:52:34

        Yep Liza. Black women should be the last group of women who should buy into that not seeking external approval stuff. As you said walking around these days, from the middle aged BW to the younger ones, it seems we have lost our essence as women. Like you pointed out there was a time when Black women cared about how they looked and acted. They were much more refined and classy and wonderfully dressed. In shape and always made an effort to look nice and appealing to the eye. Never would you seem them looking or acting like the idiots we see so much today. Also, how many BW were obese back them? NOT MANY. In fact a very large Black was an anomaly back then. Nowadays, its amazing how so many Black women are more obese than trim – and that is b/c we STOPPED CARING!

        I think what has happened is so many Black people in general bought into that stupid “keeping it real” mantra and as a result you have a bunch of Black women these days who think its cute to be completely repulsive looking and acting. In public the rude and obnoxiousness of some Black women is a sure sign that this whole “I don’t care what people think” crap is one that is taken too far with certain groups.

        Black women have the worse Public image of all women in the world, you would think more would ENCOURGAE Black women to develop some clue that they should always care about how people see them. Not in the sense that it affects who they are but in the sense that people’s perceptions of you *do* affect you in life.
        And as Black women are seeing , public perceptions of us are collectively BAD b/c we lost that need for caring about what others think. YES I act like a normal pleasant human being in public b/c I DO care about how people see me. Yes I try to look pleasing b/c people respond to you in different ways when you have a look that simply reads “I don’t give an eff” vs. when you have a well put together positive image.

        Also I find even educated upper class Black women have this idea that they will look a certain way no matter what anyone thinks. YET, a lot of these women wonder why no men find them physically attractive. I find all other groups of women mostly do things physically that they know will make them attractive to the opposite sex. NOT BLACK WOMEN. We will do all kinds of things that will make us more unattractive to the opposite sex than attractive. And then their motto is “well a man needs to like me for me”. YET they are blaming all kinds of reasons on racism and Black men being brainwashed as to why they don’t want certain kinds of Black women or when no man is trying to get with them.

        The mind boggles.

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      • Liza207
        Nov 14, 2011 @ 09:54:21

        I meant: PR

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  10. MK
    Nov 11, 2011 @ 11:28:10

    Your becoming a leading men’s rights activist it seems. As a side note, I predict your web hits among the chicks with dicks category with SOAR.

    MK knows how to offer a compliment.

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    • Neecy
      Nov 11, 2011 @ 13:27:05

      haha. i just want to be an activist for male/female unity and love. Things have gotten so out of control betweent he genders. Also I am not one to simply take a side b/c I am apart of that side. I look at all angles and try to understand where everyone is coming from. I try to call things as I see it and keep it fair and balanced .

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  11. MK
    Nov 11, 2011 @ 11:30:08

    Meant to say will not with damn this pesky late afternoon hang over. The good news is this hangover is likely not for naught I predict I will have a 19 yr old hooterz girl hasta pronto.

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  12. MK
    Nov 11, 2011 @ 13:52:39

    The hang over was from last nights festivities it was a sort of reverse hangover usually worse when you first wake up but this one has got worse has the afternoon progresses.. Time for a guinness cure.

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    • Neecy
      Nov 11, 2011 @ 14:00:14

      I rarely drink (and rarely do I enjoy alcohol unless its a sweet frozen drink) but even I know, NO CHEAP LIQUOR that will cause the hangover blues. LOL

      In fact, last night I had a yummy mango margarita from El Toritos who has a slamming Happy Hour. But I can only handle one drink and maybe 1/2 of another. LOL

      I hate beer but for some reason after visiting Encinate Mexico (where the corona factory is) I had a Coronoa with lime and I was hooked. So the only beer I will partake in is a corona with lots of lime 🙂

      Also what is weird I find men who drink beer HOT. LOL Whenever a guy has a beer in his hand ort if I am on a date and the guy orders a beer I think its so hot for some reason.

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      • MK
        Nov 11, 2011 @ 15:33:00

        Do you go by darker the beer the more manly the guy? Its a basic rule but wasn’t sure if women go by that or not.

        The tally was:
        Shot of patron to start the fun
        5 10 oz special beers
        1 22 oz at another spot
        2 16 oz dark pints at the final location

        All in all a fun night with friends time to hit some P90X now..

        Question: What do you think of girls hitting guys up for drinks? (future post maybe)
        Chick around 25 (maybe a 7 who said she had a boyfriend) tried this on me last night and said so your buying me a drink right, after a few min of fun conversation.

        My response: Did you go trick or treating this year

        Her: A puzzled look

        Me: Its a good way too get free stuff from strangers which you seem to be in to (with a fun vibe).

        Sort of a smile from her acknowledging I wasn’t a sucker but then she found one. Not on MK’s watch…

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        • Neecy
          Nov 13, 2011 @ 21:58:05

          DANG Chicks are getting bold these days! LOL *ASKING* dudes to buy them drinks?? Whew, we never did that in my hey day or 20’s. Also maybe b/c guys were still offering up buying drinks to some females in social places moreso than today?

          i don’t see the big deal with a guy buying a girl a drink if he wants to take up some of her time in a social setting. I feel its an equal trade off. If you really want a girls time in a social setting like bar or club, I think a man should be able to offer a drink for that time with her *shrugs*. Also most males go out to social venues B/C of the women. SO its just a trade off. You wouldn’t be at those places if there were not potential for you to meet women for a variety of reasons.

          HOWEVER, its tacky (AND BALLSY) for any woman to ever ask a guy she doesn’t know to buy her a drink or anything for that matter. I would go dry throat before asking a dude to buy me a drink. If a guy wants to buy a woman a drink he should do it on his own accord and not be asked.

          Things have certainly changed from the 90’s.

          My momma always told me never ask a man to buy you anything, b/c nothing is hardly ever given for free. LOL

          Oh regarding the beer. It doesn’t matter to me the color of the beer, just seeing a guy drink a tall beer is hot to me for some odd reason. It just seems manly. Maybe b/c I view beer as a manly kind of drink. Who knows!

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          • Liza207
            Nov 14, 2011 @ 07:28:10

            Neecy, yes, I believe as BW most of us were taught by our mothers that you should never ask a man (stranger) to buy anything or even if he does offer to beware. It is beyond tacky for a woman to ask a guy to buy her a drink whom she just met at a club or bar–not classy.

            I totally agree that if a guy comes over to chat you up at a club or bar and you are engaging him for a good while he should offer to buy you a drink–it is only courteous to do so. I remember some guy who approached me at an event. We were talking for a while and the whole time we talked, he did not compliment me or offer me a drink but had the nerve to ask me if we could exchange business cards.

            Where are most of the gentlemen these days? They are definitely not in NYC.

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            • Neecy
              Nov 14, 2011 @ 09:20:07

              Very true Liza. That is the whole purpose of a man buying a woman a drink at a social setting – b/c he wants her time and is taking it by conversing with her. The places that I go when I do go out, there are still some gentlemen left that will offer to buy a woman a drink if he is chatting her up. In Vegas, this happens a lot too. I met a guy from Colorado. He wanted to talk further with me so he asked me to join him at the bar – HE BOUGHT drinks the time we were talking (although I only had one drink). But the point is, its just couteous for a guy to offer a woman a drink he plans on taking up her time. If I am out in a social setting, I would not sit and talk with a guy for very long if he does not offer a drink to me.

              Also any woman asking a guy to buy her is drink is beyond tacky and classless.

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              • Neecy
                Nov 14, 2011 @ 09:26:45

                I Also forgot to add that includes a dinner date as well. If a man does not offer to pay for the meal or wants to go Dutch, that is the last date or interaction we would have. Luckily I have not experienced this – even with the crazies I have gone on dates with. But I hear this happens often these days.

                Last night my family and I took my grandmother out to dinner for her BDAY. There were two younger couples sitting across from us (where were at a Japanese Teppan place where you are often seated at the same table with another group or family.

                Anyway, my dad and his g/f had observed this (I was chatting up my grandmother so i didn’t notice). But the two girls at some point had gotten up before the bill came and went to the lounge part of the restaurant for quite awhile Probably hoping that the guys would take care of the bill). When the bill came the one guy was doing a lot of caluculating. So when the girls got back, the guys made them pay for their meal! LOL! My dad’s g/f said one of the girls was like “Oh I don’t even know if I have enough to cover I have to check my card”. I couldn’t believe it. Yet these girls were out with them celebrating one guys bday while they were drinking etc. If I were those girls I would definitley not continue any further interaction with those losers. LOL

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                • Liza207
                  Nov 14, 2011 @ 09:52:16

                  It is almost stomach turning to see and hear about scenarios such as what you just described . I will not go with any guy that didn’t offer to feed me on a date (no fastfood or chain restaurants). I don’t do dutch–ever! I have never really had a problem with a guy pulling that nonsense and of course, if a guy did I would move on right way.

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                  • Neecy
                    Nov 14, 2011 @ 09:58:37

                    Isn’t that crazy Liza? Ugh! The one good thing about men in our age group is that they still buy drinks and dinner for women.

                    If a man *ASKS* you out on a date or makes intial contact with you for further conversation then he needs to pay for the meal and/or drink.

                    That is also another reason why i don’t believe in women approaching men first. B/C really then the guy has not made initial contact with you and the onus is then on the woman to take the role of the “buyer” if she wants to continue with his company.

                    Things are just assbackwards these days its not even funny.

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                    • Liza207
                      Nov 14, 2011 @ 10:21:02

                      That is also another reason why i don’t believe in women approaching men first. B/C really then the guy has not made initial contact with you and the onus is then on the woman to take the role of the “buyer” if she wants to continue with his company.

                      —-

                      This is so true. Yes, the onus should be on whomever approaches first. I don’t approach men never have and never will. However, I will attempt to give signs of interest. I hear a lot of men from the current generation and some from our generation talking about not buying women dinner and drinks but they want your time and of course sex. However, a woman should just hook up with them and he has no shown her that he worthy of her time–how totally disgusting is that? Their mindset is that she is attempting to get over on them–for a drink or a dinner, really?

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                    • Neecy
                      Nov 14, 2011 @ 10:57:18

                      Not only that Liza but some men even have the audacity to say that they would only take a woman out to dinner ONLY after she had sex with him! lol I don’t know what kinda crazy chicks are going for that nonsense. If a man doesn’t even find a woman he is trying to get to know worthy enough for a damn dinner then he certainly should bit be rewarded with your most precious thing a woman has – her body! I mean the guy doesn’t feel he should have to pay for dinner but expects a woman to give her body to him? Unbelievable. Any woman who goes for that deserves the loser she gets. That’s just a sign of what’s to cone later in that relationship. Cheap men are a turn off!

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                    • MK
                      Nov 15, 2011 @ 06:57:24

                      Interesting points you two ladies bring up. My take is why would my time be any less valuable than the women I am talking with? What you said about buying a drink for the time spent seems too imply the woman’s time is more valuable and to this I disagree.
                      I do agree there is a difference if I have asked the woman out I will pay for it but if they disappeared and just expected the tab to be covered thats sort of low class (you don’t know they could have been just friends vs. romantic etc..)

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                    • Neecy
                      Nov 15, 2011 @ 07:28:18

                      No a woman’s time is not more valuable. Just like I and Liza pointed out that if a woman were to approach a man or ask him out, then she should be the one footing the bill.

                      Its more or less about the courtesy of offering a drink to someone you are asking to spend time with in a social setting. By you chatting up a woman you are also taking her off the “market” so to speak with other potential at the event or place. So its only right that you offer something for the time you want with her.

                      It happens in business all the time. As a pharma rep its very difficult on a day to day basis to get time with a doctor b/c he is busy entertaining patients, staff and other reps. Therefore, If I want a doctors undivided attention, then I need to make a lunch or dinner date to be able to sit with him and have his time and attention for what I am trying to sell.

                      Its a fair trade off for anyone looking to get someone else’s undivided attention when they normally would be competing with others for it.

                      I see the whole drink senario as the same thing. Some guys want to take up a woman’s time chatting her up in places where she could be spending that time with her friends or with another guy willing to offer something for getting her undivided attention in a place where that is unlikely to happen.

                      But you are right. A woman’s time is not more valuable it just so happnes that b/c most of the time men do the approaching it would apply more to men more often than women – but if a woman approaches a man and expects time with him, thn she should offer him a drink. Or if she asks man out on a date, she needs to pay for the meal.

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                    • Liza207
                      Nov 15, 2011 @ 07:58:26

                      That is way I don’t approach men it would make me feel masculine. Yuck!

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                    • Neecy
                      Nov 15, 2011 @ 09:32:50

                      I Know Liza! Approaching a man is so UGH! Women who do that are just mind boggling to me. i don’t understand it myself. But some women swear by it.

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                    • MK
                      Nov 15, 2011 @ 17:02:28

                      How does the time concept (ie her opportunity cost of me talking to her change) when shes already stated she has a boyfriend.

                      Do you still think drinks for her time are in order?

                      Like

                    • Neecy
                      Nov 16, 2011 @ 08:32:18

                      Well in your situation it was different. That girl was an obvious skank:
                      (1) for asking a guy to buy her drink
                      (2) Asking a guy to buy her a drink after she revealed she had a b/f

                      Now *I CANNOT BELIEVE I AM SAYING THIS* b/c she proved she was a classless skank, after she revealed she had a b/f *IF* you wanted to possibly push for a ONS then yes you would fulfill her request and buy her the drink. But I would have basically said to her “uh where’s your b/f? that’s who you should be asking to buy you a drink!”
                      Never buy a woman anything if she asks for it. No woman with any class would ever ask a man that is not her husband or b/f to buy her anything.

                      Remember only a low class BETA skank would ask a guy to buy her a drink. So my advice is sound (b/c I don’t love them hoes). LOL

                      Now if she were a decent girl you were talking to and she revealed she had a b/f then if you wanted to buy her a drink simply b/c she was cool and had a cool convo but really weren’t looking for anything else that’s be fine. Or you could just casually and nicely end the convo and move on.

                      The idea is a guy should buy a woman a drink if he is interested and really wants to pull her to the side to talk more. Maybe you can do a prelim convo to see if she is worth talking to and then after that offer a drink to her as a way to get more of her time. I find that is what most guys do when they buy me or my g/f’s a drink. They don’t offer right away. After some small convo then he will determine if buying me a drink is worth *HIS* time and money.

                      Like

                    • Liza207
                      Nov 16, 2011 @ 08:54:55

                      I have refused drinks from guys who have approached me because I know they were not guys I wanted in my company–thanks, but no thanks and keep it moving.

                      Like

                • omerta327
                  Nov 14, 2011 @ 11:35:28

                  So what about women, and you both know DAMN well there’s plenty of them out there, who USE men for dinner and drinks?

                  True story – one time I walked into a bar and there was this girl there I was seeing at the time w/ another guy. Now we weren’t exclusive or anything so, whatever, she’s free to see other people.

                  So she sees me and comes over to me and gives me a nice kiss and hug, out of view of her date, and just flat out says “Don’t worry, he’s just some huy I met on Facebook, I’m just using him for dinner and drinks.” And I’m thinking well, that’s a pretty sh*tty thing to do. She even brought me over and introduced me to him as her ‘good friend’!

                  Anyway, eventually she leaves w/ this guy, I go home, I’m just getting ready to go to sleep, and my phone rings. Guess who wants to come over? This poor shlub wines and dines her, and in the end, I get the sex.

                  I didn’t see her for too long after that – really showed me her true colors.

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                  • Neecy
                    Nov 14, 2011 @ 12:46:59

                    Omerta that chick was trash. Yes there are women out there who do that, but honestly a guy knows what type of woman he is dealing with. Maybe the guy just simply didn’t think it was a big deal to take her to dinner and drinks ONE TIME as a way to get to know her.

                    Also you have to take into account that her telling you she was “just using him for dinner and drinks” was what she *TOLD* you b/c she probably felt awkward seeing you while she was out on a date with another dude. I wouldn’t be surprised if she told that guy something similar. You did the right thing by eventually dropping her – she was a loser and any girl that would say that to another guy is trash IMO.

                    But I don’t think you can use a guy for dinner and drinks if it’s an initial date. If he were constantly taking her out and not getting anything in return then he’d be a fool. The rule of thumb for a guy should be at least a dinner date initially and then after that dates that don’t revolve around him having to pay out any money. There are a lot of dating things a couple can do that don’t require putting out any money.

                    At any rate, I don’t think dinner or drinks are a big enough investment for a guy to care whether a girl is just using him. Also, it’s just a simple investment if a guy on his own account wants to take a girl out and see if she is worth getting to know further.

                    I will say though, if its just sex that a guy is looking for, then maybe investing in dinner would be a waste b/c there are skanky women out there who don’t require that to sleep with a guy.

                    However, if a guy is really interested in a girl I think he should just see dinner or drinks as a small investment to get to the next level of getting to know her. I don’t agree that he should continue to invest in a woman who is not showing any interest back.

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                    • Liza207
                      Nov 14, 2011 @ 13:45:25

                      Neecy,

                      ITA, and yes that chick was definitely trash–no woman under any circumstances should ever say that to a man, especially if she is interested in him. What does think his opinion of her will be?

                      I know some guys are not going to like this but if a guy is only wining and dining a woman just to get laid and when he doesn’t he is pissed and feels used. Why not just go out with a whore (you know the ones you have to pay for sex). At least, with these women you are guaranteed to get sex when you spend your money.

                      I hate it when men take women out on dates with intention of only laid. Why would you sit across from a woman and pretend to be interested in her as person, if you only want sex from her? Why waste your time when there women as, Neecy, mentioned that will do you for free? Alternatively, whores that will definitely do you for the price of the meal you would have paid for.

                      The dating landscape is so utterly sickening to me. The point of taking a woman out on a date is to spend to with intention of getting to know better. Now, it is some quid pro quo bullshit.

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                    • Neecy
                      Nov 14, 2011 @ 16:12:11

                      Liza that is exactly it. A guy should *NEVER* go into buying dinner or drinks with the mindset that he wants to get laid for doing so. Its almost always going to backfire especially if its a decent woman.

                      Just like no decent woman will ever take a guy that is taking her to dinner or buying her drinks as a fool for doing so. The whole purpose for a man dinner dating is simply to have a moment with a woman that he may have some interest in and whom he feels has some interest in him for accepting such. The dinner allows for him to get her time in a setting where they can talk and enjoy each others company.

                      Some men come out of the pocket soley for thinking they are going ot get sex and when that doesn’t happen they become bitter.

                      An average dinner doesn’t cost much if you want to have a moment with a person or woman you find attractive and want to get to know better without alterioir motives.

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                • omerta327
                  Nov 14, 2011 @ 14:36:51

                  My point is that a lot of women will accept a dinner date w/ a guy with NO intention of trying to get to know him or ever seeing him again – they just want a free ride. The self-entitlement mentality.

                  I have no problem taking a girl out to dinner, as long as I’m reasonably sure that she’s genuinely interested. These days, that can be a real crapshoot.

                  “At any rate, I don’t think dinner or drinks are a big enough investment for a guy to care whether a girl is just using him. ”

                  Couldn’t disagree more. Nobody likes to be used.

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                  • Neecy
                    Nov 14, 2011 @ 16:21:19

                    I agree that some women may have the mindset they are “going to get what they can” from a man they have no intentions on really investing in intimatley. That is why i said after one date of paying for dinner etc., a man should make sure he no longer is continually paying for dates and such with a woman he is not sure has the same level of interest in him. I don’t believe men should spend money on women who are not showing the same level of intimate interest.

                    But my point was that some men don’t see a dinner or a few drinks as a big enough investment to care whether the chick is looking for a free ride. I’m sure there are men who do, but there are many who simply don’t see a dinner which is most likely under $100 worth anything to care about if he got what he wanted – which was a date with a woman he was intially interested in. A lot of men see a dinner as a initial way to get to know if that is a woman they want to see further basedon the conversation and interaction they had.

                    The equivalent would be a woman that goes on a dinner date with a guy expecting him to committ to a LTR with her.

                    Some men go into dinner dates with the mindset they should get something in return – LIKE SEX. Any man who takes a woman out to dinner or drinks with this mindset gets what he deserves. You do not take women out to dinner who you have no intentions on getting to know better for nothing other than sex. There are way too many skanks out there who don’t require such.

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                • omerta327
                  Nov 14, 2011 @ 15:19:18

                  “Yes there are women out there who do that, but honestly a guy knows what type of woman he is dealing with. ”

                  Oh, really?

                  I didn’t know it at the time, and you can bet that other dude didn’t either.

                  At least I learned the easy way.

                  Hell, there are guys out there who don’t know what type of woman they’re dealing with until they’ve been married to them for YEARS.

                  I mean, I like you Neecy, you seem pretty cool and all, I’ve got no beef w/you, but come on!

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                  • Neecy
                    Nov 14, 2011 @ 16:31:48

                    You’re right one can’t really know a person after one date. But often times a lot of men simply go for women who look good but whom their speidey senses tell them that she is most likely trash, a skank or a gold digger. But they still go for the woman ANYWAY for the shallow reasons of her looking good and overlook the initial obvious red flags.

                    A lot of MEN will overlook obvious signs of a woman with issues of using men or being a goldigger if she looks good. They will keep investing hoping to get laid and when they don’t they get mad at the woman.

                    So that is why I said most of the time men know what they are getting when they go after certain women soley for their looks. If you are basing all your positive judgements of her on her looks, her age and her being a 9 or 10 then you are overlooking other faulty characteristics she has and then when the ish its the fan all women get blamed for being users.

                    The best way a man can protect his best interests is pay attention to the type of women he is attracted to and wants to take out. Understand that going on a dinner date is *SIMPLY* to get to know a woman, nopt to get in her pants.

                    I don’t necessarily think the guy that took that trashy friend of yours out was a “schlub” who got used unless he did this ona regular basis with out getting anything in return.

                    maybe he simply saw an attractive chick he wanted a date with and had no intentions of taking her out to dinner and drinks to get laid – so why would he care unless he was looking to get laid afterwards? He got what he wanted – a date with a woman he was interested in. usually that is the first kind of date most people do – a dinner date. Maybe he had no plans of continually doing that or maybe he did get laid by her before then. There is no real way of knowing with a trashy classless chick like that. WHo knows she probably screwed him even before that.

                    Like I said, she told you what she thought you would want to hear. Trashy women like that can never be trusted about anything they say. After she showed you what trash she was for even saying somehting like that, you can’t say all women are like that. There are just low class human being out there who do and say anything to get over on people.

                    I believe there are *CLEAR* signs of users (both men and women) very early. i think dinner dates are a great way to sniff them out b/c people will and can tell you about themselves without even knowing.

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                • omerta327
                  Nov 14, 2011 @ 16:57:14

                  Well, first of all, meeting a girl for drinks is one thing – dinner at a classy restaurant like Liza was mentioning before is completely different.

                  My point is that these girls who are looking for the free ride aren’t worth dinner in the first place. A man doesn’t want to waste his money or time on a girl that’s just there for the meal. Using people is just plain wrong, no matter what the dollar value.

                  And of course we want to date women who look good – that’s pretty much all we have top go on in the beginning. If women, or men, have red flags, they usually don’t show up right at the outset. Those things may take a while to surface.

                  And you’re right about men overlooking red flags if the woman is hot enough. If he’s just looking for a pump and dump, OK, fine, but if he’s letting himself get emotionally invested for whatever reason, he’s setting himself up for a world of hurt.

                  And this other dude DID get used – she was very brazen about it, to the point where I had to kick her to the curb.

                  “After she showed you what trash she was for even saying somehting like that, you can’t say all women are like that.”

                  I never said all women were like that. Not once.

                  “WHo knows she probably screwed him even before that. ”

                  lol… just had to throw that in there, didn’t ya? 😉

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                  • Neeecy
                    Nov 14, 2011 @ 17:24:28

                    Omertaaaaaa!

                    We may not fully agree but just know it’s still major love 🙂 I wasn’t trying to put u down by saying she prolly slept with that dude or told u what u wanted to hear I was just pointing out the reality that trashy women like that can not be trusted and never really taken at their word. After she said that to you then called u afterwards for sex (after just being on a date with another dude) that should have clued u in on the realuty that she was not someone u can take for their word.

                    I can’t say I agree with Liza in the whole no chain restaurant thing b/c I don’t think that matters as long as it’s a reasonably decent place with good food and a decent atmosphere. I’m happy with chain restaurants or even sports bar and grills! Most women don’t require top notch classy joints on the first date so I don’t think this is a common issue for avoiding taking a woman out to dinner.

                    I guess where we differ in opinion is that a dinner date should not be something that a man takes too seriously or puts too much on if he is simply looking to have some time with a woman he just met and wants to get to know better. It’s a small price to pay for a womans time if you want to get to know more about her.

                    I just don’t know how else a man expects to know whether a woman is worthy or not if he doesn’t make an effort by setting aside some time in a setting like dinner? How else do u separate the women who are worthy for dinner VS. The ones who aren’t if you don’t even know the woman is my question? That us why i say a man should not place such importance on a dinner date b/c it’s assumed if u take a woman to dinner then YOU were interested and are paying for her time to get to be with her further.

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                    • Liza207
                      Nov 15, 2011 @ 07:19:33

                      Alright, with the chain restaurants. LOL! I guess I am a little spoiled when it comes to this. Come on, CR are noisy and there are children running all over the place and babies crying while you are trying to talk and enjoy your meal. They are just not atmospheric when you want to be in a romantic setting. Not!

                      However, the low investment date suggestions made by Omerta would be way more appealing to me than dining at a CR, especially on a first date.

                      Like

                    • Neecy
                      Nov 15, 2011 @ 07:39:31

                      LOL Hey Liza we all have our likes and dislikes! I happen to love sports bar and grill chain restuarants b/c of the laid back causal atmosphere. But i hear you about the the babies and kids at these kinds of places lol.

                      I like middle road CR as well – ones that are a little more upscale but not too upscale.

                      Everyone has their preferences and what makes them comfy. I actually prefer a more casual and relaxed atmosphere on a first or second date and then prefer much nicer places ever so often if we are dating b/c then its more romatic. But a first date is not necessarily for me to be romantic, but rather just a way to spend time with a person you are trying to know by interacting with them.

                      I co-sign on the fun low investment dates as cool too. I would so do a beach date in a hot second!

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                  • omerta327
                    Nov 14, 2011 @ 18:28:24

                    lol… It’s all good, Neece. **cyber hug**

                    I think there’s better options for a 1st or 2nd date than dinner – fun things. One time me and this girl went go-cart racing on our first date – had a blast. Ended up dating that girl for a while.

                    Another time this other girl was big into kite flying, so our first date we went down to the beach and flew kites. Well, she did, anyway, I can’t fly a kite to save my life. But it was a lot of fun.

                    I could go on, but the point is there’s lots of things people can do on a first date that allow you to get to know the person you’re with that are a lot more fun than sitting in a restaurant.

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                    • Neecy
                      Nov 14, 2011 @ 19:54:30

                      I agree there are a lot of fun things people can do as a first or second date. I guess dinner dating is the traditional first date but it could definitley be anything where you are getting to know the person. Fun dates are always cool!

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                • omerta327
                  Nov 15, 2011 @ 07:59:05

                  Well, alright! Good to see we can all come together a bit on this one.

                  Liza-

                  I agree about CR’s tending to be on the noisy side w/ kids running around. That’s why if you go to one, wait til after 9pm or so – I avoid those places like the plague during the day.

                  “They are just not atmospheric when you want to be in a romantic setting. Not!”

                  1) That’s a double negative.
                  2) “Not!” is sooooo 1990! 😉

                  Neecy-

                  You’re right about beach dates. Esp on a warm summer evening maybe an hour or 2 before sunset – if you wanna get romantic, it’s the bomb.

                  “Omertaaaaaa!”

                  Ha! You remind me of this guy – 2:52 into the vid.

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                  • Neecy
                    Nov 15, 2011 @ 09:30:57

                    LOl i was wondering what Omerta meant. Didn’t realize it was an actual meaning.

                    OH Lamb of God sounds similar to a local metal band I used to go see called Manntis.

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                    • Zorro
                      Nov 15, 2011 @ 17:29:36

                      Lamb of God is, in Latin, Agnus Dei, and is from John 1:29 when he first sees Jesus: “Behold the Lamb of God who takes away the sins of the world.”

                      Also, omerta is the Sicilian word for “code of silence.” If a mobster breaks the code of silence (he tells the Feds or anyone else of the mafia’s business, he will sleep with the fishes real soon).

                      Like

                    • bob
                      Nov 15, 2011 @ 19:49:08

                      What I’d like to see offered is Godfather I and the DeNiro portion of II. The rest was utter garbage.

                      Like

                    • MK
                      Nov 15, 2011 @ 18:02:50

                      Someone needs to watch The Godfather..

                      Like

                    • Zorro
                      Nov 15, 2011 @ 18:43:27

                      *Someone* already owns the remastered trilogy on Blu-ray and can recite the entire screenplay. Oh, and he has also read the novel, too.

                      Moose victory dance

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                    • Neecy
                      Nov 16, 2011 @ 08:48:44

                      Zorro thx for the breakdown. So basically what you are saying is we have a mobster amongst us (OMERTA)?

                      LMAO! I’ll be sure not to piss Omerta off anytime soon – nor will I disagree with him. LOL

                      And I am so surprised I didn’t catch onto the name and meaning since I love the Godfather trilogies (except the last one wasn’t as great as the first and second one).

                      And damn Robert DeNiros was simply scrumptuous in the first Godfather!

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                    • MK
                      Nov 16, 2011 @ 11:09:59

                      Neecy -1
                      Deniro was in the 2nd Godfather although wasn’t James Caan cooler anyway?

                      Like

                    • Neecy
                      Nov 16, 2011 @ 11:15:40

                      LOL Oops I forgot it was the second one he was in.

                      I thought he (james Caan) was meaner and certainly not as delicioso as Robert De Niro.

                      But then again guys like the meaner more violent types 😉

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                    • MK
                      Nov 16, 2011 @ 15:54:12

                      So did the bridesmaid he nailed at the wedding if I remember correctly. In fact I’d go as far to say in the whole alpha discussion Sonny was definitely the most although I guess you could argue Don Vito if you prefer restraint.

                      Like

  13. Liza207
    Nov 11, 2011 @ 14:25:04

    Last summer, I saw a movie entitled, “Catfish” about a guy who meets a woman on Facebook–it was a documentary. The pictures he receives is of an attractive young blonde woman who is a performer with a very active social life and lots of friends. Every other day, there are pictures posted up on her facebook page with her posed with her friends and they are hanging out and partying and what not. After communicating with this girl for a while he starts developing feeling and becomes very anxious to meet her in person (he is from the east coast and she is from the west). I mean, he is dying to meet this girl, so he plans this big trip and brings along his best friends to film the outcome.

    To make a long story short, when he finally encounters this woman face to face– she is a fat middle-age woman who is married to a paraplegic and she created the Facebook persona because she hated her life and was bored. In fact, she created about 10 different personas and had this guy believing they were all different people.

    I hate social networking and online dating, too.

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    • omerta327
      Nov 11, 2011 @ 14:42:19

      Yikes! Well, caveat emptor.

      I’ve got to check that movie out. Sounds entertaining – in a train wreck kind of way.

      Just another reason to avoid Fakebook.

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    • Neecy
      Nov 13, 2011 @ 21:47:52

      How scarey and tragic Liza! UGh there are some real nut cases out there who do use the internet and social sites as a way to be fake personas.

      I’m not so against the internet and meeting people. Most of the women I know who have met their SO’s have met them online and it’s a great way to expand your horizons and focus in on finding like-minded people – unless they were introduced by friends or acquaintances. So it’s just an added bonus to meet like-minded individuals that you probably wouldn’t meet or come across in your daily life offline. The unfortunate part is yes, there are some lunatics and psychopaths out there who use the interwebz and its anonymity as a way to pretend to be people or things they aren’t. But I just think that can happen even if you meet someone face to face. They can pretend to be a certain persona and later turn out to be something different.

      I think it’s just a sign of the times and the way things are. Most people these days do end up finding and meeting others online b/c in their busy day to day lives they may not be able to have access to meeting a variety of like-minded people unless they go out a lot or socialize a lot which a lot of people simply do not do after a certain age.

      IMO Social networking sites should be left to teenagers. Teenagers are frantic socializers and that kind of stuff helps with that need for being social. I think its natural for younger people to participate in social networking sites than grown adults. I just think after a certain age if you are using social networking sites for anything other than NETWORKING for a business or some organization, then its ridiculous. But that is juts my opinion. I am not saying its not a great tool to keeping touch with people but I have found it kina pointless for me unless I was following a group, organization or looking to network for professional reasons. The people who I need to speak with or interact with on a regular basis I am doing so without Facebook etc. I found more than half the people I had on my friends list were not people I even spoke with regularly or talked to hardly ever.

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      • Liza207
        Nov 14, 2011 @ 08:57:03

        Yes, Neecy, blogs and social networking sites are good places to meet like-minded people. However, one has to be cautious and discerning when trying to develop or pursue an offline relationship with some of these people, of course. I would not get too emotionally invested until I actually meet them face to face and spent a considerable amount of time in their company.

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        • Neecy
          Nov 14, 2011 @ 09:29:47

          I agree 100%. B/C you never really know who it is you are conversing with until you really meet them face to face and spend some time with them.

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  14. zorro
    Nov 12, 2011 @ 00:30:28

    Me: Wow, you could be a lumber yard.

    Her: What’s that supposed to mean?!

    Me: You’re giving me serious wood.

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  15. Liza207
    Nov 15, 2011 @ 07:09:20

    “My take is why would my time be any less valuable than the women I am talking with? What you said about buying a drink for the time spent seems too imply the woman’s time is more valuable and to this I disagree.”

    —-

    MK, I agree. A woman’s time is not more valuable than a man’s time is. We also mentioned that whomever approaches first should offer to buy the other a drink.

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  16. Liza207
    Nov 15, 2011 @ 07:54:33

    Men obviously have no concept of what COURTING a woman entails these days–so sad. I also believe it is partially our doing as women since we dropped the ball long ago and have let men off the hook. I know men of the baby-boomer generation that would not see taking a woman out to dine at nice restaurant as a big deal and reasoning that she was trying to get over on him just because she did not sex him on the same night or was not falling all over him. The reason he was taking her out in the first place was to impress her and convey to her his worthiness as a potential partner (I have been privy to meet men like this in my life—they wanted to impress me and show me a good time but these men are coming very rare in this pathetic dating market).

    There was a time when men would buy a woman they were interested in fur coats and expensive jewelry (I am not saying a guy has to do for any woman or me really) in an attempt to show his interest and convince her that he was worthy of her affections. And no, she did not have to sleep with him, in fact, in many instances she had not done so yet. It was all in the name of courtship.

    Moreover, it had nothing to do with him being an alpha or a beta male either—that was the way men conducted themselves back then. Now, they bitch about just buying a woman a meal or a drink.

    The men today are just too jaded and many of them need to see their way out of the dating market for a while, in my opinion.

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    • omerta327
      Nov 15, 2011 @ 08:23:43

      **shakes head** Didn’t we go through this already?

      The idea of courting an woman as you’re defining it has pretty much went the way of the dinosaur. Feminism and the sexual revolution have played a decent hand in that, as well as men.

      There was a time when men and women both accepted their traditional gender roles and acted accordingly. Now those of us who do try to carry ourselves in a proper manner – and I think the posters on this blog are a good representation of that – are forced to navigate a sea of skanks and sh*theads.

      There are still plenty of men who will court a woman. But times have changed, and the good men have been forced to adapt accordingly.

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      • Liza207
        Nov 15, 2011 @ 08:35:55

        Yes, we have gone through this already but this was not meant for you or the men who post here on a regularly basis.

        And, I did say women were PARTLY responsible.

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      • Neecy
        Nov 15, 2011 @ 09:18:12

        There are still plenty of men who will court a woman. But times have changed, and the good men have been forced to adapt accordingly.

        When i read and hear the stories of how previous good men were walked all over by their BETA and OMEGA g/f’s and wives its pretty darn obvious why men don’t court these days.

        Sorry I am all about placing equal blame where it belongs, but i have to say it’s mostly women’s fault as to why the dating market is the cesspool it is. Today a good guy trying to treat a woman like a woman gets treated like crap by the average woman while she is rewarded doods who are negging her and using her.

        Can’t say I don’t understand why men are acting the way they are today.

        There just aren’t enough good women to simply justify a man these days going out of his way to court a woman right.

        But i *WILL* blame men for constantly getting caught up with the same kinds of low class skanks and trash and expecting different results.

        Men’s major fault today is they fail to look past a woman’s physical appearance. These days its alllll about how good a woman looks and that is why so many men are failing in the relationship dept.

        It’s okay to be visual and want an attractive partner, but too many men use this as the ONLY measuring stick to determine a woman’s worth. If you put all your eggs in the looks basket for a woman, expect to be disappointed, especially since women’s looks fades quite quickly over time. If you cannot find anything more valuable in a woman than her looks you will forever be dissapointed and chasing young girls as source of fulfillment. And despite popular belief on Game blogs on a select few of older men can successfully and consistently pull younger women half their age – that is, unless you are willing to go live in a 3rd world country or Asia where all you have to have is a wallet and *some* of your teeth to get a hot young woman. LOL.

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        • omerta327
          Nov 15, 2011 @ 09:56:48

          You pretty much nailed it for the most part.

          The SMP these days has pretty much been reduced to men and women going through an arduous process of weeding out the bad apples to find the good ones.

          “And despite popular belief on Game blogs on a select few of older men can successfully and consistently pull younger women half their age – that is, unless you are willing to go live in a 3rd world country or Asia where all you have to have is a wallet and *some* of your teeth to get a hot young woman. LOL.”

          Gotta disagree here. A man in his late 30’s – mid 40’s, even older, who carries himself well and has his sh*t together can definitely attract women in their early – mid 20’s. That’s no myth. A masculine male of that age stil has decent SMV.

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          • Liza207
            Nov 15, 2011 @ 10:28:39

            Gotta disagree here. A man in his late 30′s – mid 40′s, even older, who carries himself well and has his sh*t together can definitely attract women in their early – mid 20′s. That’s no myth. A masculine male of that age stil has decent SMV
            —–

            This is true, especially if he is well-off financially. Attractive men do well in the SMP over a longer period of time–there is really no denying that.

            Honestly, attention from older men just doesn’t do it for me and never has. I won’t care when they stop looking in my direction they are pretty invisible to me as it is right now. I don’t see what the big deal is.

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          • Neecy
            Nov 16, 2011 @ 08:09:41

            I was moreso talking about much older men not men in their 30’s and 40’s.

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        • Liza207
          Nov 15, 2011 @ 10:02:52

          Men’s major fault today is they fail to look past a woman’s physical appearance. These days its alllll about how good a woman looks and that is why so many men are failing in the relationship dept.

          I am so glad you brought this up. It has become clear to me that women are coming more fixated on a man’s appearance these days. I love to watch to reality dating shows (a total guilty pleasure for me—let me have it!). My favorites are Millionaire Matchmaker, Tough Love (Steve Ward is hot), Why am I single? And so forth. I watch to learn how sharpen my dating skills and what not.

          However, what I am noticing is that women who are seeking out relationship with men when ask what they are looking for—the first thing on their list is that they want a good-looking/hot guy and it seems everything else comes under that. LOL! I can totally relate to this because that is what usually comes first for me as well—not good I know.

          Many women are going for looks first these days because what else do we need men for. I mean, many of these women are attractive, own their own homes, running their own successful businesses and so on. They do not need a man for security so a man’s looks become the most sought after attribute. I have always done well on my own so needing a man for security was never the most important thing in acquiring one.

          The paradigm will be shifting and women want a good-looking mate first and foremost it seems. Women are outpacing men in earning and education, so what we will be seeing are women just seeking out the most attractive men who will provide them with the most attractive offspring. This will probably contribute to a high rate of single motherhood and the men with less attractive genes will left out in the cold. It does not look good.

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          • Neecy
            Nov 16, 2011 @ 08:17:16

            Liza you are right women are just as big on a man’s looks these days more than ever. As you said many women in the past had to depend on men for them to provides for her, and put a roof over her head among other things. So a mans looks were the last thing on a woman’s moind back then.

            Nowadays women can get all of these things by themselves and therefore are able to make more personal and somewhat shallow decisions on what they like in a man – with looks being the major factor. I think it’s a great way to level the playing field where men are able and do date younger and ignore women in their age groups when they get a certain age. Now women can be just as picky and shallow as men in the SMP and simply choose a man based on his looks which more women are doing. Like I said, it’s leveling the playing field.

            I don’t think there is *ANYTHING* wrong with a person making looks the *FIRST* thing on their priority b/c let’s face it, we have to be initially attracted to the person. However, what i am talking about is that some people after knowing the person and seeing all of their character flaws and issues will still put up with a man/woman simply b/c they look good. *THAT* is what I am talking about when I say people see obvious red flags with some men and women and ignore them solely b/c of the ay they look which is stupid. After I get to know a person i don’t care how good they look, if he is a jerk, loser, asshole or anything else undesirable, i will not continue to be with them simply b/c of the way they look.

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            • Liza207
              Nov 16, 2011 @ 08:49:47

              Neecy, I got the point you were making in the last paragraph in original comment. I just had to mention this trend among women now. Moreover, that means women will be going for younger men. I remember an episode of Millionaire Matchmaker when Patti was working with a woman in her early forties who only wanted to date men in their twenties. Patti was having a really hard time convincing this woman she should date someone closer to her own age. However, she finally got her to go out with a guy in his early fifties. The evening of the date came–the woman took one look at the guy, stormed off in tears, and just flat out refused to go out with him. It is really insane to watch–so dramatic. LOL!

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              • Neecy
                Nov 16, 2011 @ 09:24:57

                LOL Liza I remember that episode. isn’t this the woman that ran so fast she lost her shoe?!!

                LMAO!

                Yeah men brag a lot about how they can date younger. but what they are soon going to see is many women are starting to develop that same attitude (need for wanting younger guys than older) and will begin being tunred off by men in their age group as well.

                Now Whether or not these women will be *successful* in pulling younger men is not the point – they probably won’t compared the the level of success older men have with younger women. BUT The point is WOMEN are becomming just as judgemental and shallow about older men as men have been about older women. Its bound to happen. you cannot continue to denigrate one gender for things they cannot control (aging) and think it will not come back to bite you in the ass. Men’s time is coming for that.

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                • Liza207
                  Nov 16, 2011 @ 09:32:52

                  Oh, god, Neecy, yes, she lost her shoe trying to get away from him and she didn’t even say a word to him–she was gone!!

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                  • Liza207
                    Nov 16, 2011 @ 09:39:07

                    I also want to add that most of the millionaire women who request Patti’s services are mostly seeking young attractive men. They know that the men most likely wont fall in love with them and will only want them for their money but the women do not give to two shits–she wants a young hot virile man in her bed at night. LOL!

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                    • Neecy
                      Nov 16, 2011 @ 10:01:16

                      EXACTLY. Most women who are older are quite clear that if they pull a younger guy it won’t be because he is in love with her or will stick around with her for a LTR. He just wants the money and she just wants his young hot body. As long as these women can keep it in perspective I don’t see the problem.

                      Isn’t that the arrangement between older men and younger women? She is not with him b/c she is inlove with him or his looks, she is with him b/c she wants the money and resources and he wants her youth and beauty. Same thing.

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                • Liza207
                  Nov 16, 2011 @ 10:05:20

                  It is the exact same arrangement as that of the older man/younger woman.

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    • Neecy
      Nov 15, 2011 @ 09:02:35

      As I have said before I believe men are adaptable in the SMP based on what women are responding to and rewarding. PERIOD. So it’s MOSTLY & MAINLY (not partly) women’s fault as to why the way things are. I am not saying men don’t play a role, but the role men play in the SMP is to do whatever is going to garner them the best positive results with women. No courting needed thanks to the tons of low class Beta women in society today. The Alpha woman of the past required proper courting and received it AND APPRECIATED IT. She did not *USE* men for dinner, drinks and gifts like so many low class trashy women today do. Unfortunately the SMP is run by lesser BETA and OMEGA women and they don’t require nor deserve proper courting.

      men don’t want to have to court these days b/c women aren’t worth it anymore IMO. Yeah it sucks for those of us women who do deserve proper courting. But just like this post, men cannot even compliment a woman these days without being called a BETA or looked down upon or with some bitchy entitled woman complaining.

      Women have lost their essence as women and IMO many are not worth a damn in the dating market for the most part. As I have stated before there is enough blame to go around HOWEVER the SMP and dating arena is mostly molded and controlled based on how women respond and their expectations. And these days the good guys who do the proper courting are not rewarded for doing such.

      And the men who do try to court women properly these days are treated like garbage (Omerta’s story of that trashy chick saying how she is using a man for dinner and drinks and the low class skank with MK asking him to buy her a drink while she has a b/f is a prime example of how women do not know how to act these days).

      I’m pretty positive if i were a man today, I would not go out of my way to court a woman the right way either. And it saddens me to say this b/c there are still a very small number of women left who deserve this. But women today are just too skanky, low class and trashy AND BETA to be given such great treatment.

      Women today reward losers and asswipes and that is why the dating market is the way it is. Not to mention that a woman be treated well by a man is an open door for him to be used and abused. Women today do not know how to accept good treatment with class and instead use that as a measuring tool to determine that a man is not “ALPHA” enough is he treats her good.

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  17. Liza207
    Nov 15, 2011 @ 09:18:06

    Yeah, women these days have let men off the hook in the dating arena. But, I still want to be courted properly.

    I believe when a woman demands respect she receives it.

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    • Neecy
      Nov 15, 2011 @ 09:20:40

      Liza women like us who deserve and demand to be treated and courted properly will find our guys, but its just gonna take a lot longer than normal b/c we have to recognize they also have to sift through a sea of skanks and low class traash to get to a decent woman. It used to be that a woman has to kiss a billion frogs to find her Prince. Now men have to kiss a billion sea scavengers to meet their mermaid. LOL

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  18. Mark Slater
    Nov 15, 2011 @ 10:56:44

    My little black doll is wining and dining wealthy and powerful doctors, and all I get to talk to today are horses. Is there anything sexier than a woman with an expense account? (Hmmm, maybe A.B. Dada was right).

    Anyhow, The logic of her argument is sound. The basic presupposition is that people (any person in the abstract) ARE valuable, and therefore buying a girl a drink is proper in the context described.

    Think of it in another way: if a friend comes over to your house, you would no doubt offer him something to drink or eat, simply because your friend’s company is valuable to you. Simple gestures such as this is the difference between civilization and savagery.

    “But, I still want to be courted properly.”

    Yes, Liza, that’s because you are a decent, healthy young woman who has a clear idea of what she wants, a “Steel Magnolia” if you will. It does seem somewhat difficult, even for a high class woman or dude to find a genuine connection. I would guess that people just aren’t as open as they once were, more closed off. That, or putting up a superficial “front” in order to score quickly (yes, this even happens to guys). Sadly, this closing off means that we are also closing ourselves off to quality people.

    You like furs, do you? I’ll have to check my fox trap. Maybe I can make you something.

    May God bless you both on your very noble quest for good husbands. Do not forget to pray!

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    • Liza207
      Nov 15, 2011 @ 12:07:43

      Mark, my mind has been going westward—Southwest actually. It seems to be where the real men are these days–they are definitely not here on the East coast.

      I have always loved the movie, “Midnight Cowboy”. I know it is a bit melancholy in some places but I always loved the scene where Vera Myles’ character says “Texas Longhorn” God, I just love that line!

      By the way, I am a member of the Humane Society so no furs for me. You don’t really trap foxes–I hope not.

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    • MK
      Nov 15, 2011 @ 17:11:39

      Funny you mention the Bible. Didn’t Ruth court Boaz and not the other way around? By limiting themselves to only men who approach them perhaps the ladies of neecy’s nest are missing out on their better matches (ones less likely to play around and mistreat them).

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      • Neecy
        Nov 16, 2011 @ 08:59:56

        Sorry MK I just can’t do it. Like Liza has mentioned there are things a woman can do to let a man know she is interested (eye contact, subtle smile, body language) but i feel doing anything more than that is simply out of a woman’s element and is masculine.

        I know many women who have approached men first be it online or in person and rarely ever do these situations work out for the women. Often times the men expected them to take control in all other areas of the relationship and most of the time the men seemed to lack great or real interest in them.

        My philosophy is a man should always be the hunter. That way a woman will not have to wonder about his interest level. I find men will accept an offer from pretty much any attractive woman *EVEN* if she is not really his type or he is not really feeling her. But when someone comes along that he has an urge to pursue that chick that approached him will be dropped like a hot potato.

        I even believe in instances where a really attractive woman approaches a man first, the guy will be flattered but something still tells me he will not feel the same about her as he would a woman he pursued on his own.

        I just think approaching men is super aggressive and masculine.

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        • MK
          Nov 16, 2011 @ 11:12:50

          I don’t disagree with your analysis I think its pretty dead on was just showing off my command of the Bible so as not to be outdone by the more pious Mark.

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          • Neecy
            Nov 16, 2011 @ 11:21:34

            I know. And a man that knows the Bible is definitley HAWT! I go to church quite often and still cannot really give you a verse out of the bible *SHAME ON YOU NEECY* lol!

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    • Neecy
      Nov 16, 2011 @ 08:07:58

      Uh Mark? I’d rather talk to horses than docs. LOL

      Oh and let most of the docs tell it, many of them are not making any money. I do think docs these days aren’t making the money they used to b/c the insurance companies screw them over so much.

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  19. Liza207
    Nov 16, 2011 @ 07:09:13

    By limiting themselves to only men who approach them perhaps the ladies of neecy’s nest are missing out on their better matches (ones less likely to play around and mistreat them).
    —–
    The same thing can be said about men. I cannot count the many times I have seen really good-looking men with women that are way less attractive than they are. Or she may not possess the temperament they desire in a woman. Some may look and they might believe that the guy is gay but my usual take is that, that guy allowed that woman to choose him—he did not choose her. He is probably a guy who was afraid/very passive to go after women on his level of attractiveness out fear of rejection, so it was easier to let any woman choose him and it did not matter that she was less attractive than he was. Therefore, it is also not in a man’s best interest to be passive when it comes to women. What I have found is that women who are lower on the attractiveness scale tend to be more aggressive in the dating arena for obvious reasons.

    I do not believe that any woman should approach men. One, it reeks of masculine energy. Two, the guy may not be interested but is just going along to see how far he can get with her. Three, he may be gay–how embarrassing?

    The only thing a woman should do when she sees a guy she is interested in getting to know is make eye contact and smile—wash, rinse & repeat. If he does not approach after you have shown him, clear signs of interest…move on.

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    • Neecy
      Nov 16, 2011 @ 09:14:23

      What I have found is that women who are lower on the attractiveness scale tend to be more aggressive in the dating arena for obvious reasons.

      BINGO! Not only that, some really attractive guys go for less attractive women b/c these women will desperately do any and everything to keep these men – something that an equally attractive woman WON’T and doesn’t need to do. It’s like the ugly chick who is the biggest hoe – she feels this is the only way she can get male attention unlike her prettier counterparts.

      Just read Heartiste’s site and many of the pathetic women on there who post about their Alpha b/f’s – the women are ALWAYS below them (the men) in looks. In their relationships the Alpha and attractive men are simply dealing with these less than attractive women b/c they can get away with pretty much anything and know these women will never leave and will desperately do any and everything to hold onto him. These women are doing any and everything to hold onto these very attractive Alpha men b/c they don’t have the looks to do it. This is what less attractive women are doing out there. Aggressively pursuing and doing everything under the sun to hold onto a good looking and/or Alpha male.

      That is why I am a big firm believer in like being with like. Too many Beta women out there lowering the bar b/c they can’t get attractive men any other way. Attractive Alpha women lose out and have to compete with these sorry saps. Uhm if a man can have an available doormat he’s going to take it.

      These less than attractive women (as you read their posts) are clearly not in relationships where they feel comfy and happy. They are more so in relationships with men where she is spending most of her time and energy WORRYING about what she can do to keep him happy and not leaving her. What a way to live! UGH

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      • Liza207
        Nov 16, 2011 @ 09:28:28

        That is why people should date in their own league, why put yourself through all of that just to have a good-looking or desirable mate when you know you will have a hard time holding on to them. Life is too short.

        Neecy, Do you think that some good-looking guys date fuglies because these women targeted them first?

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        • Neecy
          Nov 16, 2011 @ 09:56:53

          YEP! Not only do I believe b/c they targeted them first, but also a lot of attractive guys see an easy route with a fugly chick. She is basically going to be his doormat unlike a pretty or attractive woman.

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          • Liza207
            Nov 16, 2011 @ 10:20:48

            I have heard many very good-looking say they try to avoid other good-looking for relationship because they cannot get along with them–I always call bullshit on that. What they are actually saying is that they cannot get over on them and those women will not stroke their egos and put up with their shit.

            I often wonder what Jon Hamm sees in his clingy fugly girlfriend Jennifer Westwhateverhernameis. And get this, they have been living together for over 12 years now because he told her he does not possess that “marrying gene”. LOL! Of course, she has bought this bullshit hook-line and sinker. As gorgeous as he is, there is no way in hell I would have any man use up my time like that. But when you have decided to punch way above your station that is what happens.

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            • Neecy
              Nov 16, 2011 @ 10:29:35

              Yep Liza, people who punch above their station are always insecure and stuck in uncomfrotable relationships with people they know are above them in the SMP. Often becomming severly insecure, jealous and desperate at maintaining and keeping these relationships. Ultimatley, they have to settle and accept either poor tretament or less than stellar treatment just to keep their good looking partner on the hook. Here are just some snippets of ugly women punching above their station and in frantic fashion tryin to figure out how to keep their hot man on the hook.

              Hi,
              I’m writing to ask for advice – I’m sure you get this a lot, but I will be truly grateful for any form of response. I’ll be as succinct as I can.
              I’m [early 20s], [non-American], and a very happy girlfriend of an alpha. I met him [a number of] years ago and it was pretty much love at first sight, he was not like all other men who seem like children compared to him. I’ve been chasing him for two years but he was always involved or interested in other girls. We were always good friends but even after I told him I loved him he said he didn’t see me that way, even though we had slept together a couple times.
              But is there anything else I can do to keep him pleased with me?

              And here’s another one….

              I have the same issues as this girl, actually.
              My boyfriend is alpha, and very handsome. I am not good-looking.
              I love him, though, and I want to keep him around. So:
              1.) I do put effort into staying in shape. (Crossfit + paleo.)
              2.) Show him as much affection as I can.
              3.) Polyamory. He gets, like, three girls a week other than me.
              4.) I earn more than him, and my start-up is on an upward trajectory; from a purely mercenary standpoint, he’s better off with me.

              Funny how the last chick has to use her “accomplishments” as a way to say he is “better off with her” LMAO Yet when some really hot or attractive Alpha woman comes around her and her b/f I bet she won’t be relying on those accomplishments. She’ll clearly be insecure b/c she knows she is dating a man out of her league and men always go for looks FIRST with women.

              *THIS* is what Alpha women are up against as I pointed out in my “GOD HELP THE REAL ALPHA WOMEN TODAY” post. Lesser desperate women dating out of their leagues (attractive Alpha males) lowering the bar, and doing any and everything possible to desperatley hold onto men they know they cannot keep without basically being a doormat. SAD.

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              • Neecy
                Nov 16, 2011 @ 10:44:11

                Actually, I need to make a correction. the last chick meant by a mercanary standpoint that he is “better off with her” is she actually is saying b/c she is a doormat (0utside of her keeping in shape for him which makes sense for any woman) who pretty much allows anything, he is better off with her.

                UH NO. As soon as he finds an attractive woman he is IN LOVE WITH AND REALLY *ATTRACTED TO* PHYSICALLY he will dump her like a hot potato. She knows this and that is why women like that feel if they completely throw out all their self respect and become a doormat for a man he will stick around.

                What kind of craziness have women come to these days? Is there *ANY* self respect, dignity or self value left in the masses anymore? UGH.

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        • MK
          Nov 16, 2011 @ 11:20:04

          Feels like there is a weird dynamic going on here I would like to explore:

          Info I’ve seen from Neecy and Liza
          Statement 1 – Men focus too much on looks of women often to their peril
          Statement 2- Men with fuggly girls must lack confidence and have settled for them out of laziness or fear

          Couldn’t those men with “fugglies” have taken your advice in statement 1 yet you are condemning them for it in statement 2?

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          • Neecy
            Nov 16, 2011 @ 11:33:42

            Noooooo! Ok lemme break it down.

            When we state that men are only focused on women’s looks to their own peril, is we are talking about men who continue to SIMPLY use a woman’s looks as a way to overlook her obvious flaws and issues. Its clear that people in general – especially men are very looks driven. This isn’t the problem. The *PROBLEM* is when the man continues to chase after low class loser women solely b/c they look good, OR he stays in unhealthy relationships with a woman simply b/c she looks good. Then he complain that “all” women are no good without looking at his own choices and shallowness that leads him to failing relationships with women – simply b/c he uses looks as the measuring tool of the person’s quality as a partner which is NOT GOOD.

            On the flip side you have less than attractive women who simply base a man’s worth on his looks and looks alone and thus she becomes his doormat. She is not looking beyond his physical appearance to his character and how he treats her. She is solely basing his worth on his looks.

            So in regards to attractive men dating fugly women. Yes there is also a problem b/c the women are simply allowing a man’s looks as a basis for her to be a doormat. She is SIMPLY basing her willingness to put up with his crap and do any and everything to keep him simply b/c he is very attractive. If the man were not as attractive, yet treated her with equal respect and she didn’t have to constantly worry about whether he was going to leave her for someone better looking, she would not be doing all of those things.

            So in both cases you have a man or woman dealing with less than stellar behavior from their partners SIMPLY b/c they look good.

            A person’s looks should only be the initial driving force for being with them. After that if they have proven to be losers then one should be able to look beyond the physical and realize that when you simply base a relationship on looks its disasterous.

            Basically what Liza and I are saying is people need to stick with LIKE. Stay within a close range level of attractiveness and you won’t have these issues. usually in instances where there is an ugly partner and an attractive one, each person is being USED for something other than a true quality relationship.

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            • Neecy
              Nov 16, 2011 @ 11:44:58

              I forgot to add that yes we believe that attractive men who end up with FUG women do date them b/c its just *easier* in all aspects. many times these women aggressively pursued them. These women also do any and everything to deperatley keep these men happy – something these same women woul dnot do for a man less attractive and on her level.

              IOW’s some really attractive men do not like a challange and don’t want to put in the work it takes at being with an equally attractive woman and prefer to have a easy comfort in a less than attractive DOORMAT who would simply be happy to be in is prescence.

              There are people who get off on that….

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              • MK
                Nov 16, 2011 @ 15:50:25

                Ok thanks for the breakdown.

                How would you explain the following real life example.

                My former coworker (most chicks would say was prob 8) married a woman I would conservatively rank a 4-5. Basically he could have done way better looks wise and not only that but she wasn’t a good person. She had total control and she ended up cheating on him with a friend who was a house guest.

                So how’d she manage to do that if she could bottle whatever she did she’d be rich.

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                • MK
                  Nov 16, 2011 @ 15:51:14

                  For some reason the 8 became a smiley.

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                • Neecy
                  Nov 18, 2011 @ 12:25:44

                  MK Not suprised at what happened to your friend. in many cases where there is an attractive partner that has lowered the bar and is dating a person not on the same level of attractiveness and in fact much more unnattractive than they are (like your friend), the unnattractive partner is of two extremes – they either basically become a doormat to the attractive partner b/c they are obsessed with keeping them OR they become very insecure and will do abusive things to the attractive partner (i.e. cheating etc).

                  Many unnattractive partners will often cheat on their attractive mates as a way to feel *LEVELED* with them. They know they are way out of their league so in order for them to feel they are taking their attractive partner down a peg, they will cheat on them and/or abuse them so that the attractive partner can second guess themselves as being higher value in the relationship and becomming insecure to the whims of their lower value partner.

                  This happens a lot with very attractive men/women in relaitonships with ugly people or people way below them on the SMV scale. These lower value partners abuse and cheat on them b/c they cannot handle the fact they are lower value in the relaitonship and seek to put the higher value partner on the same level as they are by trying to reduce thier self esteem and value.

                  YET Another reason why people should stay on the same level of attractiveness when dating.

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                  • MK
                    Nov 18, 2011 @ 17:53:21

                    Good analysis. From my take was totally unneccessary I actually think she viewed him as beta for taking all her crap and meeting her excessive demands (like talking to her for hrs a day instead of exploring international cities with me and another guy while traveling for work).

                    Even worse he was going to take her back if shed guarantee shed have nothing to do with the other guy and she didn’t what a pig, I wonder what trough shes eating out of now..

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            • Liza207
              Nov 16, 2011 @ 12:03:16

              Neecy, so spot on!

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          • Liza207
            Nov 16, 2011 @ 11:56:30

            MK, let me say for the record I do not care or have ever cared about men only being into women for their looks nor do I condemn them for it. It would be hypocitical of me to do so. Being that I am unusually visual for a woman. I am the woman that will be hanging with other women and if a hot guy with a nice hard ass walks by, I will usually be the one to turn my head around and look at his ass as he walks away and most of the men I have gone out with was due to them being hot. Therefore, I cannot pass judgment on men for this.

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      • omerta327
        Nov 16, 2011 @ 16:29:55

        Alright, I’m back. I had to, uh… take care of some ‘business’. 😉

        As for the whole ‘attractive guy w/an unattractive girl’ thing, here’s what I find. The A#1 reason why this happens is because the guy has some kind of social / personality deficiency.

        Maybe he’s got low self-esteem. Maybe he’s got psychological issues. Or he’s a drunk. Or a drug addict. Or he’s bad w/money. Or he can’t hold down a job. Or he’s a compulsive gambler. Whatever it is, there’s something wrong with him that keeps him from attracting or holding on to attractive women.

        You guys talk about ‘like attracting like’ or ‘dating within your league’ – well, who’s to say that’s not exactly what’s happening in these situations? Like Ive said before, water finds it’s own level. A guy can be good-looking, but still have other attributes that can GREATLY decrease his value.

        As for those two letters you pasted above – in the first one, there’s nothing to indicate the girl’s not attractive. She just def sounds like she’s resigned herself to simply being in this dude’s rotation. But some girls would rather share an alpha than be exclusive with a beta.

        In the second one, this jumped out at me –

        “4.) I earn more than him, and my start-up is on an upward trajectory; from a purely mercenary standpoint, he’s better off with me.”

        LMMFAO!!!! Wow! Just…wow. Yeah, honey, you keep telling yourself that.

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        • Neecy
          Nov 18, 2011 @ 12:35:36

          Omerta,

          Great point! Just b/c someone looks good on the outside doesn’t mean they are necessarily a high value partner b/c they could have major issues as you pointed out.

          I think in many cases this could be true. but in other cases some men are just simply too laid back and prefer to not have to go after women who are as equally attractive as they are, OR often times ugly women hunt down hot guys and will often do EVERYTING in their power to hook him.

          I just think any attractive person who dates someone who is *OBVOIOUSLY* less attractive than they are, is asking for trouble or misery. Its not *SO* much about the looks as it is about the unequallness in the relationship. Anytime there is major off balance in a relationship there will be added problems outside of regular issues that happen in a relationship. Not to say dating someone on the same level of attractiveness is going to be perfect all the time. But not to mention seeing a really attractive person and a really unattractive person together is very hard on the eyes. LOL

          There is nothing like a couple that is equally nice looking together or two unattractive people who look better together.

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          • omerta327
            Nov 18, 2011 @ 13:21:48

            Hey Neece. Don’t know what’s afflicting ya, but I’m glad you’re feelin better.

            Yeah, laziness could be a factor, too, hadn’t thought of that. Or sometimes you’ll see a guy w/ a fatty because, well, some guys just like fatties. Why, I have no idea.

            And I should also have said that those factors go for women, too. That girl I mentioned earlier, the ‘user’ – hot PR girl, easily an 8.5-9. But like I sad, MAJOR character flaws. She had other issues that came to light as well that I won’t even get into.

            “…often times ugly women hunt down hot guys and will often do EVERYTING in their power to hook him. ”

            Can’t say I’ve ever seen that. All I know is if some fugly tries to land me, ain’t happenin, no matter how hard she works at it.

            “Great point! ”

            You really think so, or are you just afraid to disagree w/ me? 😉

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            • Firepower
              Nov 18, 2011 @ 13:30:38

              omerta327

              Hey Neece. Don’t know what’s afflicting ya, but I’m glad you’re feelin better.

              it was that Daylight Savings thingie – sh’e’s ok, she’s still on BFT

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            • Neecy
              Nov 18, 2011 @ 14:20:36

              Aww thanks Omerta! I had a really bad migrane and was a little nauseous, but definitley feelign a lot better. the last thing I wanted to see was a computer screen yesterday. LOL

              You really think so, or are you just afraid to disagree w/ me?

              Oh and uh, that whole slight differing of opinion we had above? yeah you were RIGHT! And from now on I will add “GREAT POINT” to all my responses to you to stay in your good graces :mrgreen: I mean a guy from Conneticut with the name Omerta is certainly someone not to mess with. hehe

              Can’t say I’ve ever seen that. All I know is if some fugly tries to land me, ain’t happenin, no matter how hard she works at it.

              Ha! I’m glad you have standards b/c some attractive guys just don’t. Some would ask why I would even care. Well b/c when they lower the bar to lesser women the dating market gets off kilter and you have a bunch of less than attractive women believing they are “all that”. Not only that, these women are insanley insecure and jealous of any half way attractive woman that may be in the prescence of their guy and they become very mean and combative for no reason at all!

              RE the chick you were seeing who was usin that guy. Its true that attractive people often can and do come with other issues. But if you are in a relaitonship with someone equally attractive, one less hting you will have to worry about is them being super insecure that they are not on the same level of attractiveness and the problems that follow -OR you are so above them in looks you mistreat them.

              I have seen tis senario too many times and its a sad case for both parties. Like I said looks plays a major role in being attracted to someone, but after you get to know them, their character (or lack thereof) should be the driving force in determining if they are worth being with.

              I would never want to be with a guy so far out of my league that i would feel completely uncomfy and unsettled being with him. That’s just not a good way to live and take on relationships.

              Oh and wasn’t it funny how that second chick had the audacity to mention her “accomplishments” as a reason her hot man shoudl stick with her? Delusions, delusions!!!

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              • omerta327
                Nov 18, 2011 @ 15:15:19

                “Oh and uh, that whole slight differing of opinion we had above? yeah you were RIGHT! And from now on I will add “GREAT POINT” to all my responses to you to stay in your good graces”

                Ha! Now, now, no need for that. You just be yourself. I promise me and my ‘associates’ won’t come and rough you up – unless, of course, you’re into that sort of thing. 😉

                “…when they lower the bar to lesser women the dating market gets off kilter and you have a bunch of less than attractive women believing they are “all that”.”

                Ahh, yes – I call that ‘Jerry Springer Syndrome. Girls w/ inflated egoes to go with their inflated asses.

                “..they become very mean and combative for no reason at all!”

                Oh, there’s a reason for it all right – they’re NUTS.

                “I would never want to be with a guy so far out of my league that i would feel completely uncomfy and unsettled being with him.”

                If you’re confident and secure in yourself, you shouldn’t feel like ANYONE is out of your league.

                “Oh and wasn’t it funny how that second chick had the audacity to mention her “accomplishments” as a reason her hot man shoudl stick with her? Delusions, delusions!!!”

                One of the main results of feminism run rampant. Kinda sad, really.

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              • Firepower
                Nov 21, 2011 @ 11:09:06

                Jack Lambert

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  20. Mark Slater
    Nov 16, 2011 @ 10:58:44

    Liza,
    “Ya Texas Longhorn BULL!” HA! Good stuff.
    So, are you implying I’d be like the Jon Voight character if I came to New York?

    You sound just like my mother, a member of the SPCA [shudder] and continually disturbed that I may “harm God’s creatures”. No, by the way, I do not trap foxes or anything else. [Note to self, faux jacket for Liza]

    MK,
    “Then said Boaz unto his servant that was set over the reapers, Whose damsel is this? And the servant that was set over the reapers answered and said, It is the Moabitish damsel that came back with Naomi out of the country of Moab: And she said, I pray you, let me glean and gather after the reapers among the sheaves: so she came, and hath continued even from the morning until now, that she tarried a little in the house.” — Ruth 2:5-7

    It seems that Boaz did indeed take an interest in Ruth initially, and THEN Ruth fancied Boaz (the way it was and forever ought to be). If you read the book of Ruth, both of them seemed shy about making the first move. Naomi had to take it upon herself to bring these two together.

    Neecy’s judgment on the matter is, as usual, spot-on (I’m in wonderment how often she and I’s very thoughts seem to coincide in many areas; I’m beginning to think she cribs my notes).
    “I know many women who have approached men first be it online or in person and rarely ever do these situations work out for the women …that guy allowed that woman to choose him—he did not choose her…”

    Exactly, Neecy. You seem to understand that a man WANTS to pursue and capture a woman. It is the difference between bringing down a deer in the field and hitting one on the highway with your car.

    Hard for you to believe, perhaps, but I myself have been in that very situation. If a girl goes after me (and remember, ladies, there is a distinction between being available for a man and expressing interest, and actually going after him) my interest will never seem to develop. It’s nice for a while, to be sure; but, perhaps without realising it, my desire to even be with the girl wanes. Being a true man, I simply stop seeing her or calling her, rather than “break-up”. Sue me.

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    • Neecy
      Nov 16, 2011 @ 11:12:46

      LOL @ “whose dasmel is this?” I don’t know why but that made me laugh.

      And yes, it seems *HE* saw her first and took an interest and she responded?

      Mark,

      Thank you for certifying what I have and will always believe. A man (a REAL MAN)wants to be the hunter. I don’t want to be with a man that expects me to make a first move. What would that relationship be like afterward? Like the ones my friends who made the first move ended up in – the man always expecting her to take the reings and be the dominator in the relationship. No thanks!

      Like you and I both said, most men will be flattered by even an attractive woman approaching him as it may give him an ego boost. But ultimatley I believe that is where the buck stops over a longer period of time. I believe most men’s interests wane with women whom they did not pursue. I just think its in a man’s nature to go after a woman he really wants. If he saw or knew me and never made a move, then my gut feeling is he was/is not naturally moved by me or attracted to me and its not meant to be.

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    • Liza207
      Nov 16, 2011 @ 12:15:34

      “Ya Texas Longhorn BULL!” HA! Good stuff.
      So, are you implying I’d be like the Jon Voight character if I came to New York?

      Mark,

      Yeah, LOL! that is it “Ya Texas Longhorn Bull!” Awesome movie. Jon Voight’s character was so naive and vulnerable he just made me crazy and I was about 10 when I first saw it. It was very late Friday night and my parents were asleep. I have seen it so many times I cannot count anymore.

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  21. n/a
    Nov 17, 2011 @ 13:16:47

    Neecy,

    When you come to the area, do you stay in NYC? and don’t be afraid, I don’t bite too hard…

    Dates, planning? you really are an old-fashioned gal, aren’t you — I think if we were both in NYC at the same time there would be no reason not to get a drink at one of the better places.

    And I’m happy to know that you are a girl, who, according to you, cannot be gamed. You know all the tricks, Neecy baby, doncha?

    Just don’t arrive horny in NYC if you plan to spend a few minutes with me. 😉

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    • Neecy
      Nov 18, 2011 @ 12:38:12

      I stay in both New Jersey and New York (Long Island) when I’m there.

      And no, you cannot game a girl that already knows game SOWWY!!!! 😉

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  22. Firepower
    Nov 18, 2011 @ 11:32:23

    *le sigh*
    I KNEW it.
    ones got the
    “great personality”

    buhbyeeeeeeee

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  23. Neecy
    Nov 18, 2011 @ 12:15:54

    Hey yall I’m still alive!! So sorry I haven’t been able to respond last couple of days. I was not feeling very well at all yesterday and still recovering today (but feeling better) but I miss yall!!

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  24. Zorro
    Nov 20, 2011 @ 19:47:36

    Just noticed on your WordPress profile (where you keep those photos of your mocha exquisiteness), you got some serious kissing lips!

    Wow!

    I’ll bet you can *muah* with the best of them!

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    • Neecy
      Nov 20, 2011 @ 21:51:04

      🙂 Thank you my dear! Oh and *MUAH* just for you 😉

      But something weird is happening when I click on my gravatar -s0meone else’s come up under “clone”. DO you see that when you click my gravater? But when i click it on my phone, my gravatar shows up. Also when I clicked on Omertas the same clone” pic came up. Weird.

      but i must say Omertas new Gravatar is “HAWT”. LMAO 😈

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  25. Zorro
    Nov 21, 2011 @ 10:38:57

    This man way GAY and he could DHV with the best of them:

    Awesome Epicness of manhood. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Liberace and I am a 900-pound bull moose so don’t f*ck with me or I will turn you into a raspberry stain on the f*cking pavement.

    Word!

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  26. Meena
    Nov 27, 2011 @ 15:08:45

    I truly enjoyed reading this post in its entirety! Hilarious and very well said at the same time. I was a late bloomer in the looks department. End of middle school and all throughout high school I was the smart pretty girl. Fortunately, I learned early on that I really had to take the emphasis off of my looks and rely on my character and personality to shine. A good example of this is when you get to junior or senior year in high school or college and notice all the guys who were sweatin’ you are now taken by the beauty of the new freshman girls lol. That’s life! However, I learned this from my mother, never take a man’s kind hearted and respectful compliment for granted. This applies to all women at any age.

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    • Neecy
      Nov 30, 2011 @ 22:15:01

      Hy meena! I’m glad you enjoyed the article 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by and commenting! And LOL yes you are so right that is why I had to say it in this post!!!

      Sorry its been dead around here for the last week or so with Holidays and work. But hopefully I will have my next post up before end of week 😉

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