*SIGH* HERE WE GO AGAIN…

*SIGH*

I’m going through what I went through 2 years ago with my 55 year old step-mother. Watching cancer eat alive yet another loved one. This disease is such a horrible one. It literally eats away at your body.

 

I have spent the last 3 days in the ICU with my very close cousin watching her literally waste away on a life support machine as cancer has already eaten away one of her lungs and is squeezing in on her other lung. Causing her to be unable to breathe.

 

This woman was always the center of the family. She could make a professional chef bow down to her cooking. When you thought of Thanksgiving and X-MAS you always thought of her since she was the one who would be cooking the meals. And I am telling you this woman had a GIFT for cooking. EVERYONE always enjoyed eating her food and she would go all out. She is my first cousins mother. A woman whom I grew up around.

 

This woman would give her right arm to help anyone. She literally took care of a good friend who succumbed to cancer several years ago. She also helped to support my father and her other good friend (his wife at the time) as cancer took her out. Now she is going through the same thing and it’s just heartbreaking.

 

To see such a strong person succumb to this and watch her depend on a life support machine to breathe is heartbreaking and surreal. We just got word tonight her organs are slowly shutting down.

 

THIS. And yet we had plans for a huge Thanksgiving dinner of 25 people that she was to do all of the cooking and hosting. Everyone was looking forward to this Thanksgiving bash and get together with family and long time friends coming in from all over. That all changed Thursday night when she was rushed to the hospital due to lack of oxygen.

 

I don’ understand. Why now? At least couldn’t she have been given her last Thanksgiving Hurrah with close family and friends? Couldn’t she have been able to enjoy “one last meal” with us? Why right before Thanksgiving? I know we shouldn’t’ question God, but I’m just really baffled why it had to happen literally a few days before Thanksgiving….

 

The scariest thing of all. In February when she got word of the cancer coming back, she wanted to look into other options besides Chemotherapy and radiation (which she had just finished a few months earlier) and managed to get through with flying colors. But the chemo as we all know is POISON and as a result it destroyed her heart severely the first time around. So she wanted to take a more natural route b/c she felt the nail in the coffin would be having to take chemo and radiation again on an already weakened heart. So she had wanted to try natural treatments over the chemo. She told us when asking the oncologist in Feb. what would happen if she did not take the chemo and he basically told her that he gave her 9 months. This is literally 9 months. So scary how accurate these docs can be.  But no matter what we still believed she would beat this b/c she was so strong the first time around.

 

I know I shouldn’t probably post this on a blog but I feel this is apart of me and my life – a diary if you will – a form of expression. I just felt this is just another form of therapy to cope. To be able to write out and share how I am feeling right now. You guys are like my little cyber family even though I don’t know you personally. But you have made this blog what it is and have accepted my personal ramblings and have always shown love and support when I needed it  🙂
I’m feeling really scared and upset and blindsided. Right before the holidays. I am looking at my cousins (her daughters) and wondering why they have to go through this right before Thanksgiving and X-Mas. To see their mother dying right before their eyes.  You can never accept or be prepared for your mother to pass. But i can only imagine how much worse it must feel around the holidays when it’s supposed to be a joyous time that you get to spend around family and friends. Through the whole year we may not have the opportunity to have this time, so that is why we look forward to the Holidays and get together with family and close friends. To have a doctor tell them, to start  making “plans” b/c there is nothing more they can do for her but to make her comfy b/c the cancer is eating away at her last lung is just…..

*SIGH*

Just appreciate the loved ones while they are alert and able to interact and communicate with you. You truly never know from one day to the next what can happen.

 

Thanks for listening and reading.

Advertisements

41 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Neecy
    Nov 20, 2011 @ 21:54:06

    Has anyone here lost a loved one to cancer?

    Like

    Reply

    • Disdainfully
      Nov 24, 2011 @ 03:29:00

      so sad! i can understand your feelings! Are we going to get sure cure for cancer! I read ‘Emperor of All Maladies’ and it is right enlightening book.

      Like

      Reply

  2. Mark Slater
    Nov 20, 2011 @ 22:06:59

    In August, a young woman at my church died after a long and painful struggle with cancer. She was 38. She had seven young children.

    One of my friends had a tumor removed from the back of his neck last month. They thought he would be partially paralysed but thankfully that was not so. Biopsy revealed the presence of cancer cells. He is 35.

    Music director’s wife had tumor removed from pancreas recently. Cancer.

    One of my best friend’s mom is dying of cancer. She is 64.

    Best friend of my mom is dying from liver cancer. Has maybe two months.

    My mom found a spot on her leg last week. Cancer. Doctors believe they caught it in time and can cut it out.

    “For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.” Romans 8:18
    I have to believe this.

    I cannot understand why these things happen. I am so sorry.

    Like

    Reply

    • Neecy
      Nov 20, 2011 @ 22:23:59

      OMG Mark this cancer is just insane! I am so sorry to hear about all of the loved ones and close friends experiencing this. I’m also glad you mom caught her skin cancer fast enough to beat it.

      What the heck is going on? You never heard of so many cancer incidences back in the day. is it the foods, the air? WHAT? I’m so scared of this disease b/c its just horrible. Nowadays it doesn’t even have to be genetic. ANYONE can get it which is frightening. Especially when you have seen it wipe people out. *sigh*

      I’ll never forget a job I almost took within a company I was working for as a specialty rep selling Oncology drugs. My boss at the time encouraged me to not take on that position b/c he was previously a specialty rep who sold oncology drugs and said it was the most disheartening draining job he ever had.

      To constantly walk into these offices and see so many YOUNG to old people suffering with this illness. But he said the hardest part was seeing so many young vibrant healthy looking women and men sitting in the waiting rooms suffering with the disease. He flat out told me I would not be able to handle such a job b/c I’m generally a happy and upbeat person. I am so glad he talked me out of it. Plus the amount of money those cancer drugs cost is completely insane. I just couldn’t do it after recongizing what I would be dealing with everyday. Plus selling a drug that cost more than a car to patients trying to survive just didn’t seem ethical to me. I’m talking tens and thousands of dollars for these drugs. SAD.

      Like

      Reply

  3. Emma the Emo
    Nov 21, 2011 @ 05:56:58

    So far, no one in my closest family died of cancer, but they had it. The only stuff I really had to deal with so far is mental deterioration of loved ones, but not death. As you know, I don’t believe in God, so when things like that happen, I have no other options but to think that shit just happens, and there is no one to be angry at. And I realize that all relationships are finite, but it doesn’t mean they are meaningless, so I value them very much, no matter how short they might end up being. It’s sad when they leave (by dying or just leaving), but I try to focus on what good we had.
    As for cancer, I think it’s best to start checking for it every year or so, starting from a certain age, especially if you have it in your family, and encourage everyone to do the same. I sure will.

    Like

    Reply

    • Neecy
      Nov 21, 2011 @ 08:43:23

      As for cancer, I think it’s best to start checking for it every year or so, starting from a certain age, especially if you have it in your family, and encourage everyone to do the same. I sure will.

      This is gold right here Emma. Really good advice and idea with the way things are going with cancer and how its just hitting any and everyone randomly. I believe I will start doing early detection/prevention cancer screeenings starting next year for the more common types of cancers.

      Like

      Reply

  4. Liza207
    Nov 21, 2011 @ 07:40:00

    Hi Neecy,

    I am so sorry to hear that your cousin’s condition is getting worse. No, I haven’t experienced a close relative dying from cancer. However, my favorite uncle found a spot on his prostate and has been getting chemical treatments and he seems to be doing fine–it has been a year now. It has to be hard watching someone you love so much deteriotating before your eyes–it must be heartbreaking.

    I’m really busy at work today but I want to come back later or tomorrow to talk about cancer research and how cancer is out of control in this country.

    Again, sorry to hear about your cousin.

    Like

    Reply

    • Neecy
      Nov 21, 2011 @ 08:44:46

      Thanks so much Liza. Yeah I would be interested in reading more about cancer research. I honestly feel there is really no real efforts to cure cancer b/c of the amount of money it brings in for the healthcare industry.

      Like

      Reply

      • Liza207
        Nov 22, 2011 @ 07:31:48

        Neecy,

        I am not even going to look it up because I have no doubt that there has been billions of dollars at this point raised for cancer research in this country. How in the hell haven’t they discovered a cure by now? After years and years of research (so they claim), the best they can come up with are radiation and chemical treatments. It is beyond ridiculous at this point.

        Like you said, although it might sound like some wild conspiracy theory but I too believe that they are just blowing smoke when they claim that they are working relentlessly to find a cure. Meanwhile, the healthcare industry allows people to die by the thousands each year, so that they can profit from providing treatments instead providing a cure.

        My other theory is that there may very well be a cure for cancer but due to greed; it is being kept out/off of the market. What do you think?

        Like

        Reply

        • Liza207
          Nov 22, 2011 @ 07:48:50

          They are claiming that the rate deaths caused by cancer have declined over the past 40 years. As I see it, it appears that people are dying and being diagnosed with the disease more and more each year. So, I do not know.

          http://healthland.time.com/2011/09/21/cancer-researchs-40th-anniversary-how-far-have-we-come/

          Like

          Reply

          • Neecy
            Nov 22, 2011 @ 08:05:26

            I don’t know if the death rates have declined as they say. It seems cancer is much more prevalent these days than ever before. Also some cancers if caught early enough are treatable and death is avoidable.

            But what tey also don’t talk about is the aftermath chemo and radiation leave ont eh body for many people and the quality of life they will have afterwards. While the cancer is being treated its destorying other vital organs and cells in the body in the process. My cousins heart took a beating the first time around with her chemo and radiation treatments.

            Like

            Reply

            • Liza207
              Nov 22, 2011 @ 08:15:48

              I think the article is a bit bogus. However, it the most recent article on cancer research. And yeah, they seem to always leave out how radiation and chem ravishes your body.

              It is really scary because cancer is so random. I mean, you think you are doing everything to maintain your health (eating right, exercising, not smoking and so on) and then out of no where you get diagnosed–it is almost like the lottery.

              Like

              Reply

              • Neecy
                Nov 22, 2011 @ 08:28:26

                That is the part that scares me about cancer – the treatment process – chemo and radiation. Who wants to go through that?? If the treatments were less toxic and more tolerable it wouldn’t be so bad.

                Also, it is my understanding that we all have cancer cells present in our bodies – but that there are certain triggers for whatever reason that would cause one person’s to spread and metastisize than another’s.

                So many people are stressed these days I wonder if that is one of the major triggers that would cause cancer cells to form.

                I guess the best solution is to what Emma suggested – after a certain age ( would say for women 35 and up) we should be getting tested regulalry for the more common types of cancers each year. *shrug*

                Like

                Reply

                • Liza207
                  Nov 22, 2011 @ 09:22:27

                  It is said that cancer is caused by a build up of toxins in the body and that adopting a high fiber diet would be the best way to prevent getting it– there is also family history.

                  I also agree with Emma and that yearly testing should be done to catch it in it’s early stage. You have to make your health your first priority.

                  Like

                  Reply

                  • Firepower
                    Nov 22, 2011 @ 12:38:53

                    do not agree with ema,
                    for in her country of ukraine,
                    mandatory test is strictly for organ harvesting
                    to balance budget of latest Political Strongman

                    Like

                    Reply

        • Neecy
          Nov 22, 2011 @ 08:01:08

          Liza I already know they are not trying to come out with a cure – too much money at stake. How much money every year goes into breast cancer research, yet yearly more and more women are catching it? Do you know how much money cancer treatments (chemo and radiation) make for doctors and the health care industry and insurance companies??? Its ridiculous. As you said the best they can come up with are the most poisonous toxic treatemtns – chemo and radiation?? come on!

          My cousin told me that the doctors wanted to try this other brand new chemo drug on her but it was too expensive and the insurance companies wouldn’t pay for it. So uhm – you have a new drug that can specifically possibly be more effective at treating certain kinds of aggressive cancers, YET the insurance companies won’t pay for it? which pretty much leaves the patient (if they have the money) to pay out of pocket thousands upon thousand of $$$ for every treatment weekly, or to simply not take it b/c they cannot afford it?

          According to a lot of natural healers, there are already many easy cures to cancer that don’t cost much money – but if they try to heal people and the gov’t finds out they will be jailed.

          Chemo and radiation are so bad on the body. you would think there would be another way to effectiley deal with this disease without having to POISON the body to do it and damage and kill off good cells in the process of treatment.

          Like

          Reply

          • Liza207
            Nov 22, 2011 @ 08:21:07

            Yes, Neecy, my belief is that there are cures available but they are being blocked in favor of more expensive treaments that most people cannot afford and it is criminal, in my opinion.

            It just gets really pissed off when I think about all of the lives lost and how the healthcare industry just continues to blow smoke up everyone’s asses.

            Like

            Reply

            • Neecy
              Nov 22, 2011 @ 08:24:56

              ITA Liza. my former boss who was a genuinley good person and a fromer oncology rep told me how criminal it was seeing so many patients who could benefit from the cancer drugs he was selling, but could not receive the treatments b/c insurance companies would not cover the drug and of course what average person can pay several thousand dollars per treatemtn out of pocket?

              There are a lot of less toxic drugs being made and offered to the healthare industry, but they are refusing those durgs and/or not covering them so it never gets to the patients and falls by the wayside.

              Like

              Reply

  5. omerta327
    Nov 21, 2011 @ 08:13:18

    Wow, Neecy. Really sorry to hear about your cousin. That’s tough no matter when it happens, but right before the holidays – Jeez, I don’t even have the words.

    My mom was diagnosed w/ breast cancer back in December 1999. She had surgery to remove most of it in Feb 2000 and then went through months of chemo. Thankfully, she beat it, and has been cancer free for 11 years now – I feel like I should knock on wood.

    A buddy of mine found a lump on one of his testicles when he was about 27 – turned out to be benign. But that’s the f*cked up thing about cancer – it can hit ANYONE, no matter how healthy they are, no matter what their family history is.

    It’s good that you’re blogging about it – I’m sure it’s cathartic for you.

    But on the bright side, you’ve made history, Neece – you’re the first woman ever to call Jack Lambert “hawt”. lol

    Like

    Reply

  6. MK
    Nov 21, 2011 @ 10:28:43

    Neecy sorry to hear about the situation I hope her daughters and your whole family find peace regarding it.

    A coworker of mine lost his 19 yr old child (son) just a few days ago I don’t totally know how he died but its just agonizing to think about. I don’t know how to explain these types of moments and now realize I can’t even try. In moments pondering this I lean very distinct ways one to seize every moment and live to the utmost but also cling to the human longing for immortality and hope of eternal life.

    Like

    Reply

    • Neecy
      Nov 21, 2011 @ 10:35:40

      MK thank you for your kind words. 🙂

      Its true, we have to seize every moment in our lives to live to the fullest. Something I don’t always do but am trying to work at. We certainly can’t be here forever and we never know when our name is on the list to leave earth. So I am slowly but surely trying to learn to grasp onto every positive opportunity and experience I can while ignoring and avoiding negativity and draining things and people.

      Like

      Reply

  7. Zorro
    Nov 21, 2011 @ 16:06:39

    If you were here next to me, I’d fold you into my arms and give you a humungous moose-hug that would squeeze the sorrow right out of you.

    I will remember you in my prayers.

    Like

    Reply

    • Neecy
      Nov 21, 2011 @ 23:50:06

      Aww you are such a sweetheart. Thank you.

      She seems to be doing a lot better today than the last couple days. She was awake and very alert all day and I think they are going to do a trachea (sp?) on her and take her off the breathing machine. Not ideal but at least she will be able to talk, eat and go home.

      Like

      Reply

      • Liza207
        Nov 22, 2011 @ 07:06:51

        Neecy, it is great that your cousin is recovering and that she will be able to go home and spend Thanksgiving with her children and the rest of your family. 🙂

        Like

        Reply

        • Neecy
          Nov 22, 2011 @ 07:51:48

          Yes she is quite a strong woman. She even had the AUDACITY to write out (b/c she cannot talk but can mouth words) that she needs to get to the grocery store so she can start cooking. LOL Unbelievable.

          Like

          Reply

      • omerta327
        Nov 22, 2011 @ 07:26:25

        Wow, that’s quite a turnaround. Amazing, glad to hear it.

        Here’s to a Happy Thanksgiving for you and your family, and for everyone here.

        Like

        Reply

        • Neecy
          Nov 22, 2011 @ 07:53:28

          It is Omerta. Still bleak looking but when you see her alert and awake all day and trying to talk it does shed some hope.

          You also have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your family, and don’t forget to put in your front dentures so you can chew all that good food well 😉

          Like

          Reply

  8. Melissa Q
    Nov 22, 2011 @ 10:57:28

    There have been many times when there’s a BW suffering, and no one comes around to even hold her hand or stay with her. She’s lucky that she has someone like you to support her.

    Like

    Reply

  9. bob
    Nov 22, 2011 @ 13:22:46

    Neecy,

    I’m very sorry to hear of your situation.

    I lost my father to pancreatic cancer in 1985. It sucked big-time.

    Happy Thanksgiving.

    Like

    Reply

  10. Emma the Emo
    Nov 28, 2011 @ 12:47:52

    I know there is an anti-chemo atmosphere here, but be careful with those natural cures. People who promote&sell them might also have something to gain on people’s desperation to live (and fear of more invasive cures), so choose carefully. If there is no proof something works, then you might be gambling with your life worse than if you were just taking chemo (which works, despite being poison and not being optimal) If a potential cure is almost unheard of, it might either mean it’s being supressed by the government, or that scammers would rather be unseen by the police while they do the scamming .. Whatever you do, don’t make the same mistake as Kim Tinkham or Steve Jobs.

    Like

    Reply

    • Neecy
      Nov 30, 2011 @ 22:28:09

      Emma you are right. but i think people will make decisions they feel most comfy with when it comes to their health and life. Whatever that outcome is, hopefully they can live with the decisions they made. Nothing is guranteed either way and i am a firm believer that when its your time, its your time. I just hope that anyone that has made alternative decisions find peace and acceptance with their decisions whether it works out for them or not. Simply put some people don’t want the additional suffering and discomfot that come with chemo and radiation and thus make other alternative decisions.

      I agree though that people should also recognize that we have doctors and medicine here for a reason and should definitley be very aware of the choices we make – especially if it can give us a higher chance at survival. Reading Steve jobs story, I believe he didn’t intially have to do chemo but rather just surgery which IMO is not bad at all especially if he had such a high chance of survival for doing the surgery b/c it was caught early. But his personal choice was his personal choice *shrugs*.

      I don’t think a lot of alternative natural “helaers” are saying they can cure a persons cancer, but rather based on how cancer thrives and works in the body, they have figured out ways to combat it by stabilizing the ph in the body. As with chemo and radiation, alternative tratreaments as well cannot provide a clear cut case for survival or death. So some people take their chances with more natural theraputic ways than chemo etc. No doctor of medicine or alternative healer should ever tell a cancer patient they can “cure” thier cancer. Neither treatments are a gurantee of survoival although evidence based medicine is a lot more clear cut than alternative natural healing.

      I think the main idea of what Liza and I were pointing out with lack of treatments and how cancer research has been lagging is simply there is much money to be made in simply treating patients with chemo and radiation while we believe little to no effort is being made to come up with other evidence based medicine and treatments that are much safer and less toxic than chemo and radiaiton.

      Like

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: