I’m going through what I went through 2 years ago with my 55 year old step-mother. Watching cancer eat alive yet another loved one. This disease is such a horrible one. It literally eats away at your body.
I have spent the last 3 days in the ICU with my very close cousin watching her literally waste away on a life support machine as cancer has already eaten away one of her lungs and is squeezing in on her other lung. Causing her to be unable to breathe.
This woman was always the center of the family. She could make a professional chef bow down to her cooking. When you thought of Thanksgiving and X-MAS you always thought of her since she was the one who would be cooking the meals. And I am telling you this woman had a GIFT for cooking. EVERYONE always enjoyed eating her food and she would go all out. She is my first cousins mother. A woman whom I grew up around.
This woman would give her right arm to help anyone. She literally took care of a good friend who succumbed to cancer several years ago. She also helped to support my father and her other good friend (his wife at the time) as cancer took her out. Now she is going through the same thing and it’s just heartbreaking.
To see such a strong person succumb to this and watch her depend on a life support machine to breathe is heartbreaking and surreal. We just got word tonight her organs are slowly shutting down.
THIS. And yet we had plans for a huge Thanksgiving dinner of 25 people that she was to do all of the cooking and hosting. Everyone was looking forward to this Thanksgiving bash and get together with family and long time friends coming in from all over. That all changed Thursday night when she was rushed to the hospital due to lack of oxygen.
I don’ understand. Why now? At least couldn’t she have been given her last Thanksgiving Hurrah with close family and friends? Couldn’t she have been able to enjoy “one last meal” with us? Why right before Thanksgiving? I know we shouldn’t’ question God, but I’m just really baffled why it had to happen literally a few days before Thanksgiving….
The scariest thing of all. In February when she got word of the cancer coming back, she wanted to look into other options besides Chemotherapy and radiation (which she had just finished a few months earlier) and managed to get through with flying colors. But the chemo as we all know is POISON and as a result it destroyed her heart severely the first time around. So she wanted to take a more natural route b/c she felt the nail in the coffin would be having to take chemo and radiation again on an already weakened heart. So she had wanted to try natural treatments over the chemo. She told us when asking the oncologist in Feb. what would happen if she did not take the chemo and he basically told her that he gave her 9 months. This is literally 9 months. So scary how accurate these docs can be. But no matter what we still believed she would beat this b/c she was so strong the first time around.
I know I shouldn’t probably post this on a blog but I feel this is apart of me and my life – a diary if you will – a form of expression. I just felt this is just another form of therapy to cope. To be able to write out and share how I am feeling right now. You guys are like my little cyber family even though I don’t know you personally. But you have made this blog what it is and have accepted my personal ramblings and have always shown love and support when I needed it 🙂
I’m feeling really scared and upset and blindsided. Right before the holidays. I am looking at my cousins (her daughters) and wondering why they have to go through this right before Thanksgiving and X-Mas. To see their mother dying right before their eyes. You can never accept or be prepared for your mother to pass. But i can only imagine how much worse it must feel around the holidays when it’s supposed to be a joyous time that you get to spend around family and friends. Through the whole year we may not have the opportunity to have this time, so that is why we look forward to the Holidays and get together with family and close friends. To have a doctor tell them, to start making “plans” b/c there is nothing more they can do for her but to make her comfy b/c the cancer is eating away at her last lung is just…..
Just appreciate the loved ones while they are alert and able to interact and communicate with you. You truly never know from one day to the next what can happen.
Thanks for listening and reading.