The formulas (I think) to get to the common denominator of – ACCOUNTABILITY FOR BEING A FOOL
(somehow the equations didn’t transfer properly from Word- oh wells)…..
(1 doe doe bird)/(2 many mistakes)+ (1 loser)/(5 million red flags) =(fool+loser)/(bad relationship)
(a fool-a loser)(a fool ignoring red flags+a loser throwing out red flag penalties all over the place)=a^relationship-a^success
〖(a) fool〗^(2 power)+〖(b) loser〗^(2 power)=〖(c)BAD RELATIONSHIP 〗^(1039843747843 power)
Can anyone in our audience do the calculations and tell Miss Neecy what or who the common denominator is in this equation??? You probably can’t b/c I totally suck in math and probably didn’t even do the equations right *Le sigh* but who cares about that at the NEST where spelling and grammatical errors are
KING QUEEN? Jeez people cut a sister some slack on the math equations!
The formula I am trying to get at, point out, is there is always a common denominator in a relationship where one person feels played the fool – THEMSELVES. And if one finds themselves CONSTANTLY on the side of being used and played or burned, then its time to take a look in that rose colored mirror at yourself.
I have been meaning to write this post for the longest.
INTERWEBZ BLOG FORUMS– The BLIND, the BITTER & the BATSHIT leading the BLIND, the BITTER and the BATSHIT!
In the past I had frequented many women sites most of which catered to women on how to have successful relationships and find Mr. Right someway somehow. I chose these sites based on the level of intelligence many of the participants had (or so I thought).
A couple of the blogstresses would have a weekly write in from anonymous women who were seeking advice for their
ISSUES SITUATIONS in a relationship. 90% of these letters were from IDIOTS WOMEN who ended up being played or used or 20/20 VISION SIDED BLINDSIDED by some loser. Here is just a sample of the average letter I have read encapsulating many of the typical *issues* these women had with men and the results.
DEAR RELATIONSHIP COACH,
I am a very attractive and very INTELLIGENT woman. I have 80 Ph.D.’s, graduated top of my class cum sum lade from my Ivy league school, a highly paid and sought after professional that makes 10 figures a year.
I recently met this handsome man who I was dating for a 3 month period and really liked. He seemed really sweet, kind and attentive when we first
started sleeping arounddating. I had sex with him b/c he told me he loved me after our first date. It was the most romantic thing a man has ever said and I believed him. Another example of what a decent guy I thought he was, the first week I knew him, he asked me to loan him 20K to help him get a car b/c his credit was too bad to get one in his own name. He was trying to be responsible and have consistent transportation to look for a job. I was a little leery at first, b/c I didn’t know him that well, so Instead of giving him the money, I wanted to be SMART about it and instead went down to the car dealership and got a new car in MY NAME (no need to be stupid and gotta protect myself). He promised he would start making the car note payments once he got a job.
After being together for a month, he said that he finally found a job, although he was always asking me for money??? Additionally, he was trying to find a new place to stay but was having problems getting an apartment b/c his credit was bad and he needed to put down a 1 million dollar deposit – which he said he didn’t and wouldn’t have b/c he didn’t make that much money on his job.
Well, he came to me in such a kind manner and asked if I could help him get an apartment under my name so that he could finally get away from his crazy ex who was stalking him and looking for
babymomma moneychild support money for their kid. Of course, I obliged b/c I mean hey, I have known and dated this guy for a whole MONTH at this point and feel that he has proven himself worthy of my stupiditytime, money, body and resources. I felt he was trying to be responsible.
Well just last week I found out I was pregnant! At the same time I also discovered he was cheating on me with some girl and was still seeing his ex on the side! He kept avoiding my calls, and I saw 80 different text messages on his phone from several chicks. He would often come by and see me whenever he needed money or sex, but when I asked him to attend my Nobel Peace prize acceptance speech dinner, he never showed up!
Although he was still sleeping over at his ex-baby momma’s house, he said he needed to be there as a father figure for his kid and that his baby needed to see a male figure in the home. Ok I can understand that b/c he said he hated her guts and doesn’t love her.
But the final straw was I followed him one night (b/c I felt he was lying to me about a lot of stuff) as he said he was going to work (in the car I bought him) and saw him going into this apartment complex that wasn’t where he lived. I stayed overnight in my car just to prove to myself he was cheating on me, and sure enough in the morning he and some chick walk out kissing and saying goodbye to each other. When I confronted him, he said they were just watching TV and movies b/c his cable got disconnected and he didn’t want to bother me cause he knew I was busy.
What did I do wrong? Someone please tell me why this man completely did me wrong! This is the 10th relationship I have been in where this has happened! I need advice on how to move past this situation or whether I should give him another chance.
Please help, I’m so distraught and confused about what to do?
And usually these were the comments that followed from the
SISTERHOOD “SISTERHOOD of STUPIDITY”
“oooh girl I just hate losers who seek to use women for their own gain.”
“Girl just dump his abusive ass. He saw a nice and intelligent woman and couldn’t handle and was jealous of your success, so he used you and pretended to love you. What a snake!”
“Consider yourself lucky! I too got abused and used by some loser and now I am on the road to recovery b/c I refuse to buy any more men I don’t know beyond a 3 month period any cars or loan them any high sums of money! And I damn sure won’t allow myself to get pregnant by one again until we have *AT LEAST* crossed the 6 month mark”
“What a jerk! I mean you were just trying to be a good person and he took advantage of that! His loss”
“OMG what is wrong with these men today???”
“Yep to poster above, my question is, where are all the good men at?”
“I cannot believe that jerk did that to you!”
“Men are dogs and you have to beware of them”
“You poor thing!”
“OMG what a loser he was!”
“It’s not your fault he was an asshole”
*NEECY INTERJECTION TO AUDIENCE: PEOPLE, I CANNOT MAKE THIS SHIT UP! And Neecy’s got one hell of an imagination!*
Its REAAAAL! Notice a pattern here? Basically it’s a big assed
cesspool cyberpool of women coddling the “victim” who when you read these letters its quite obvious to anyone with a BRAIN that the woman made OBVIOUS bad choices that a two year old could have avoided.
I’m not saying that the guys in these situations are not losers of maximum porportions. But hey, a person can only do what you allow them to in situations like this.
PEOPLE, stupid is as stupid does! I’m all for being nice, kind and giving. But these kinds of situations have nothing whatsoever to do with the person being “nice”. The person who does these kinds of things, are only doing these stupid things b/c they are getting something out of it even if its bad nerves. But they are getting *SOMETHING* or else they wouldn’t bother right? Some feel this is the way they can bargain someone to like or love them more – using materialistic things to get by and gain favor in a relationship.
Granted, there are just some really and genuinely good people who get walked over b/c they are instinctively to a fault – tooo forgiving, nice and accommodating. I don’t really see them the same as I see an IDIOT who does obvious dumb things and knows better. Usually people who are instinctivley too nice just need a long lesson on how to distinguish those they should go above and beyond for vs. ones who are just seeking to constantly take from them without giving back.
If you know me, I am alllll about reciprocation in any kind of relationship and if its one sided with one person constantly giving, then its not a relationship.
I’m all about sisterhood and whatnot, but I don’t support stupidity of ANY KIND I don’t care who or what gender it is. Women need to recognize that its mostly their own desperation that leads them to continually make bad mate choices.
“WELL AT LEAST I GOTTA MAN!”
Gotta love that one, especially when its coming from some woman you know is in a shitty relationship. LOL
A lot of women will often put up with a lot of shit from men just to say or prove she is “worthy” b/c she has a b/f or husband. How many times when women are battling, the first thing woman A will say to Woman B is “well at least I gotta man!”. As if that makes her more superior or valuable than the other woman who is single. M’KAY…
Yet when you dig deeper into those “well at least I gotta man” biddies, something really crazy is happening in those relationships. Things you’d sell your right arm to not have to go through. Some women are simply so male identified that they only see themselves as valuable if they have a man in their life. Never mind the fact these women may have serious issues that they need to work on and fix before they can be in a successful relationship where they do not carry tons of baggage from one loser to another and so forth. OR they end up with men who have serious issues and end up chopping away at her common sense and self-esteem (but he was good in bed so it didn’t matter).
QUESTION: “WHAT DID I DO WRONG?”
EXTRAPOLATION: “TELL ME HOW I DID NOTHING WRONG AND IT WASN’T MY FAULT”
I have discovered a lot of times when people ask for your honest advice/opinion in these kinds of situations, they don’t really want it. THAT IS, unless you are completely willing to tell them what they wanna hear, coddle their stupid choices and tell them it’s not their fault. However, if you are willing to blame the person that used them – BRING IT ON!
As a result, I have learned to keep my mouth shut for opening that can of
TRUTH WORMS, especially on blogs filled with idiotic women in denial or with buddies and friends who have proven to be gluttons for punishment in the love dept. Usually you are slapped with the “insensitive”, “uncaring” label for telling the truth of where that person went wrong.
NOTE: If you are going to put your bizzness out for those to judge, then expect to be judged! Also, understand not everyone lacks COMMON DAMN SENSE and would be more than happy to tell you the real truth of what went wrong and how you can avoid making such horrible decisions later.
But often times you cannot tell these women anything b/c they think b/c they are educated and professionals that they are ABOVE making stupid choices somehow and that its all the man’s fault for taking advantage of them.
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t stick up for losers. I hate them as much as the next woman. But there comes a time when one needs to recognize losers always pick their prey and they know exactly who will fall for the okey doke. They can smell a fool or desperate or shallow woman a mile away.
Losers will try to hit on almost any woman. The difference is between the women who shoo them off like flies on poop, and the woman who are flattered by any kinds of male attention. The minute you show a sign of desperation, he’s gotcha!
MEN PLAY THE FOOL TOO – EXCEPT THEY ARE LEAST LIKELY TO WRITE IN LETTERS OR GO ON NATIONAL TV
Oh yes fellas, you play the fools too! Usually the reason men play the fool in love is they are with some woman who is totally out of his league looks wise or a woman who in his eyes is exceptionally attractive that he cannot resist all of her other character flaws. OR she is a beast in the bedroom and gives good, aheam, HEAD…..MASSAGES *what is wrong with you pervs always thinking dirty!* We all know men love a good massage on the temples and sides of their heads. JEEZ!
Where was i?
Oh, Men are more likely to put up with bullshit from a woman the hotter she looks.
The problem is, men who end up getting burned and used time after time against women like this, end up blaming ALL WOMEN for their dumb and idiotic shallow choices.
Suddenly all women have “issues” and are not worthy of a “good man”.
Men who use their penises as a compass to find happiness are constantly setting themselves up for failure and heartache like women who use their gina tingles as the sole compass for love.
NEECY NEST FACT: THERE ARE NO VICTIMS IN LOVE AFTER AGE 25
And I am being generous with starting at age 25. But I am aware that young people make dumb choices b/c they are trying to learn about themselves, learn about love etc. So they are bound to make some bad mistakes, judgment calls in mates etc. But after a certain point, your arse gets no hall pass for being a complete fool.
There are no victims in love – when you are grown – maybe. Really, the true victims in love are those people who were truly and completely blindsided by their SO’s infidelities or other transgressions. There were no red flags whatsoever b/c their SO was such a sociopath that they were able to hide all of the crappy things that eventually came to surface and knocked their unknowing loved one for a loop. I do feel for those people b/c these kinds of things happen. But I don’t think these kinds of “unknowing” incidents happen as frequently as the ones in which a person was aware of what they were getting themselves into.
Many times men or women are quite aware of the choice they made and the end result bound to happen, but play STUPID b/c they are getting something they enjoy out of the interaction and relationship despite all the bad things going on. It could be sex, excitement, status, a hot SO etc. But usually things are more volatile than stable.
Ladies you are not a “VICTIM” of an asshole if:
– You have sex with him before he makes a commitment
– You loan him money and you have only known him for less than a month and you are not dating
– You put a car in your name for him and you are not *even* married
– You get knocked up by him and are not married to him
– He did obvious things to show he was a player
– He only wants to be bothered with you when he wants sex, money, a ride, a chicken dinner
– He doesn’t have a job when you meet him
Fellas you are not a “VICTIM” of a lunatic if:
– You solely based her potential as a good mate on her looks and her looks alone
– You ignored signs she was a crazy with major issues b/c she gave good head in the elevator & back seat of the car
– You buy her things you wouldn’t even buy your mother simply b/c she informed you that was what all “her previous” exes did
– She is always seeking attention by any means necessary
– She has mommy and daddy issues
– She has wants and needs to be around you 24/7
I can go on. People its not rocket science. Losers are usually very transparent, UNLESS as I mentioned they are super smart sociopaths. The average man or woman is not a sociopath – so much for that excuse!
Many times in a relationship that has gone bad and one person is reeling and foaming at the mouth about how they were used, usually this person saw signs, red flags and all other road blocks and chose to ignore them for whatever reasons (reasons that usually and always benefit their needs of some sort).
So when I read or see these women and the
SISTERHOOD SISTERHOOD OF STUPIDITY rubbing their heads wondering what went wrong, I really get irritated.
IF YOU WANT A QUALITY PARTNER – AVOID PEOPLE WITH ISSUES LIKE THE PLAGUE!
Is it just me or does it seem that more men and women today come with a lot of issues and baggage than in the past? Or was it just brushed under the rug in the past?
I have to admit I have known tons and tons of women and men who continually make bad mate choices and never seem to come to the conclusion that they are ALWAYS the common denominator in each of these different situations.
With bad choices over time comes bitterness and distrust of the opposite sex. The more you find yourself in bad relationships with low caliber people, the more you unconsciously distance yourself from quality people.
Just like low caliber men/women and losers can smell their prey a mile away, a quality man or woman can also smell a person with issues a mile away and will avoid them like the plague.
My question to those who always end up in shitty relationships with shitty people is – how do you know a good man or woman when they come along if, you are always in volatile relationships with crazies? And if you happen to score a good quality man or woman after being through a string of crappy relationships with crappy people, how do you know how to handle a good relationship?
I don’t believe all is hopeless for people who make bad choices. But let’s be real, people who CONSISTENTLY make bad choices and dumb mate decisions are bad investments in the relationship arena. They are very bitter and hostile towards the opposite sex. That reeks of someone who has made several bad choices for silly and superficial reasons and they are angry b/c they believed they would come out of that situation unscathed. When the chips fell as they knew, its suddenly “I was BLINDSIDED by this person”.
Not buying it.
None of us is perfect and yes the opposite sex can and will often get on your damn nerves. I too have done some stupid things and made bad choices – mostly when I was younger. But I can say honestly, that I’m a person that likes to keep my scales balanced as much as possible. Therefore, I would rather be alone and single than in an empty relationship or with someone who is constantly robbing me of my joy or sanity b/c I am always putting up with their issues.
Ladies and gents. Its okay to be single for a while, while trying to figure out and discover what it is you want and need in a person or relationship. Too many people today place their worth and value alone on whether they are in a relationship or not (especially and more so women). While we all wana be in love with that person that shivers our timbers, its certainly not worth trying to find it by any means necessary in some jerk off or lunatic that can only provide us with TEMPORARY satisfaction, bad nerves, and migranes.
So the next time someone yells “WELL AT *LEAST* I GOTTA MAN” or “WELL AT *LEAST* I’M GETTING LAID BY HOTTIES EVERY SECOND” recognize that 9 times out of 10 they are in turmoil and need to reinforce that it’s not so bad by shouting from the mountain tops how great their relationships are.
I would like to end with these quotes:
When we are unable to find tranquility within ourselves, it is useless to seek it elsewhere”~Francois de la Rochefoucauld
You do not need to be loved, not at the cost of yourself. The single relationship that is truly central & most crucial in a life is the relationship to the self. Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will ever lose. ~ John Courdert