What does that *really* mean when a woman says this? That there is trouble in PARADISE 😐
SURE WAYS TO BORE A WOMAN
1) Overly wholesome and/or too overly nice – if we want to relive Little House on the Prairie we’ll watch it on the Hallmark Channel (YES I know what channel the re-runs are on; NO you cannot make fun of me on my blog!)
2) No excitement in the bedroom – No, we’re not interested in Mr. Rogers clones in the bed
–not even the sweetest, goodest (no it’s not a real word but it’s a Neecy Nest word!), modest, conservative women. We like excitement in the bedroom! Where else can a modest woman let loose?
3) No Kino – women in love with a man want to be touched by him even in the most subtle dominant ways. You don’t need to tongue us down in public, just slight Kino here and there works and lets us know you’re in control.
4) Lack of interesting conversation – *sigh* yes our brains are bigger than men’s (hey I’m just the messenger!) and yes, we women need mental stimulation
5) No personality – Watching paint dry is much funner (no it’s not a real word but it’s a Neecy Nest word!) and more stimulating b/c at least we can get high off of the fumes – J/K!!!! 😮 😈
6) Nothing in common/differing lifestyles – this needs to be established before moving to the level of relationship status
7) Predictability beyond being trustworthy, solid, masculine, loyal, honest. Predictability on things like I listed is very important, but there are some things in a relationship where it’s okay to not be too predictable or canned.
There are more but these few are just a start of the many things it takes to keep women happy and in love. Some wonder if its nature or nurture that causes women to become so easily bored in some of their relationships. I’m going to say nurture b/c women are typically known to be much more complex than men in general which requires a greater deal of mental and emotional complexities a man needs to feed to women in order for her to be fulfilled and happy.
IN A HURRY TO GO NOWHERE FAST? TRY INCOMPATABILITY….
Why is compatibility such a foreign concept when it comes to LTR’s? Its soo important for people to understand what they are getting into when they date and even go so far to marry. Like understanding your sex drives and sex drives needing to be on the same level. If your SO only wants to have sex once a month while you like it 10 times a day – do you think its gonna work over the long haul?
If your partner loves to travel and/or go out a lot to different venues and places and you like to sit and watch Jersey shore and other reality shows in your spare time do you think that’s going to work?
If you want kids and your SO doesn’t will that work? If you are family oriented and you’re SO isn’t will that work? If you have certain values and your SO doesn’t uphold or share those same values will that work? Do your lifestyles mesh? So many things it takes and requires to even begin to have a successful relationship these days are often the last things people even consider (if they even consider it).
It today’s society it’s all about quick, fast and easy. Gotta jump into relationships with just anyone for the sake of feeling complete and whole (especially women). And I believe this is why women become so bored later in their loves lives. They feel pressured to be partnered at all times, that a lot of women settle with a guy they don’t really like or end up with losers who excite them (and nothing else) b/c of the fear they will end up alone or “manless”.
I am not sure why men jump into things, but I can speak as a woman as to why so many women end up in dead end relationships – society tells women they are not valuable if they don’t have a husband or companion. So they seek to fill that “void” by any means necessary and end up in disastrous or boring relationships.
THE RESUME GUY – SOWWY LOOKING GOOD ON PAPER IS NOT ENOUGH
A man that looks good on paper, is just a man that looks good on paper. I cannot speak from a males standpoint but more from a woman’s. Women tend to feel pressured to date and mate with guys who look good on paper, but who may not stimulate her in various ways needed to keep her on board in the relationship. While men are often let off the hook for not being with a woman they simply have no desire or attraction to, women are often pressured, guided and told to “give him a chance” even if in her gut she feels he is not the guy for her in the long run.
So what happens? A woman “gives a guy a chance” and suddenly when it’s too late to make a break without breaking his heart, she’s invested in a relationship with a guy who bores her but looks great on paper. There is a LOT of guilt on a woman’s part when she is faced with this dilemma. A lot of women fight their needs for having those butterflies with a guy b/c she feels she needs to pick a guy who everyone says is great for her, and then she does and finds herself bored to tears. A woman will also fight for a long time to overlook their boredom, but eventually will pop and can’t take it anymore and have to end a relationship that probably should have never gone as far as it did.
In more sad and extreme cases if a woman feels trapped or overly guilty and wants to avoid breaking a guy’s heart, she may wander off and cheat as opposed to ending the relationship.
So many women often end up outgrowing their SO’s b/c often times they jump into something with a guy who looked good on paper and she felt guilty for not pursuing it OR she married young and later as she matures and develops and learns more about herself, that she is no longer in love with the guy she married several years earlier.
What happens a lot of times with women b/c of how we are raised, you meet a guy or girl and everything seems good b/c they have met more than a few of the items on your looong list of “wants” in a mate. But when you get to know them further, they may have certain character or personality things that you feel don’t mesh. But you force yourself to overlook the things that really don’t work and will cause issues later in the relationship and try to make it work or “change him” b/c he looks good on paper. What happens later is the two people really don’t have much in common and the woman being more likely to pro-actively end the relationship moves on out of boredom. The man becomes hurt and blindsided and it’s a bigger mess than it needed to be.
EACH GENDER HAS IT TOUGH IN THE SMP
I was thinking about what women and men are up against in the SMP and in the relationship arena and I have to say each gender has its challenges, but in different ways. Since men are driven more by visuals, it places a lot of pressure on women in general to meet those visual standards of men. Women need to consciously be aware of keeping themselves looking good in a competitive SMP of other beautiful and available women.
Some women naturally may not make the grade aesthetically and are often riddled with great deals of insecurity and low self-worth or they just end up alone and miserable b/c they can never get the guy they like or want. Also, being a woman that is drama free these days is a GIFT in the SMP b/c it takes much effort for a lot of women these days to be drama free b/c it’s very much encouraged for Western Women to have a lot of BS going on in their lives. Side note: Ladies, drama is for actresses and young teenage girls. A grown woman with drama is a recipe for disaster in a relationship with a decent laid back guy.
Men, OTOH while still needing to be conscious of how they look and striving to look visually appealing, really have to focus more on non-visual things to keep women happy – feeding her emotional, sexual and mental needs – which can be quite a job. If a guy becomes too laid back or too comfortable he runs the risk of boring a woman.
Also, while many modest or feminine women would avoid saying this, fellas, you need to really let loose in the bedroom. Gotta say it. I understand some guys are with girls who are very modest or conservative and feel that by getting a little too wild or freaky in the sack may cause her to run or think he is a perv, but it’s not true. Now for every couple or woman, the level of “risqué “ may differ more than others. But the point is, it needs to be exciting to the woman.
Almost any woman I have ever known who wasn’t sexually loose or promiscuous wants to know her guy will and can please her in the bedroom by doing things he or she may deem as “bad” or “risqué”. Now I am not talking overly disgusting and overly nasty stuff like A2M or other things that would risk the health or even sanity of a woman. But without going into detail, I am sure you all know what I mean. 😉
Both genders have their work cut out for them when it comes to keeping their SO’s happy in a LTR. But it’s worth the effort if you meet a person who is WORTH that effort.
MEN ARE *typically* PRACTICLE AND SIMPLE – WOMEN ARE *typically* COMPLEX
Now before the NAW/MALT Po’ Po’ comes rolling in telling me I can’t place men and women in little boxes, I say to you, some things are more common than others and that is how I see it. I see these differences in men and women as not bad for either gender but rather as necessaries for balance and equilibrium required for each gender to function and balance each other out. Remember God made man and woman different for a number of reasons.
Men are practical for a reason and women are complex for a reason. It’s a balance.
Ladies if you want your man to stay happier than a pig in sh!t, it requires very simple things like:
1) Being and staying visually appealing to him
2) Being relatively easy to get along with and pleasant (i.e. DRAMA FREE)
3) Sexually available in “REASONABLE INTERVALS” (hehe love that MATT – thanks!)
THAT’S IT!!! Now since I am not a man, it would only be right for me to throw out to the men if I have missed anything. But I am almost positive I got most everything of importance covered.
However, things are not so simple when it comes to keeping women in LTR’s happy and fulfilled.
IF A WOMAN CAN HEAR THE SOUND OF A TICKING CLOCK – IT’S JUST A MATTER OF TIME…
Before she either goes or goes KOO KOO or. BOTH.
Fellas, if you’re unaware of what makes your woman tick, better believe she’ll be hearing a ticking clock. Once a woman can clearly hear a ticking clock, she’ll be checking out in 5,4,3,2….
The idea is that a woman should not be watching the clock in a relationship. But women don’t consciously want to make men’s lives difficult or purposely have these needs for constant and ongoing mental and emotional stimulation it’s just – what it is.
Even the woman with the best of intentions of being and wanting a good guy can easily and naturally become bored or turned off if he appears to be too wholesome or overly nice. WHY? B/C wholesome and overly nice guys (like asswipes) are very predictable. Predictability on either end of the spectrum is just – BORING to a certain extent.
Predictability is comforting and comfortable – not exciting. Don’t get me wrong, there is a time and place in a relationship for predictability – but in order to keep things exciting for both partners there needs to be some spontaneity and mixing up of things here and there to keep it interesting. While men can deal more with predictability in relationships, it’s a total downer for women in most cases where it’s overly done.
There is just something within us as women that wants to have that “stirring” or “butterflies” inside that makes us interested in being around and with a man. The struggle a woman is often faced with is we want a good guy but we also want a guy who stimulates and excites us in some way – NATURALLY. Matt made a good observation and I think this encapsulates what women really desire (although would never say). We want to be kept somewhat “off balance”. No woman besides Neecy would *EVER* admit that! The minute we find our footing for too long, its becomes “uh oh I know what’s coming up next” and then we’re “bored”.
We don’t *really* wanna have to tell a man in a relationship what to do to excite us. We just want it to happen unconsciously and naturally – or at least we want to believe that it’s just natural or “just happening”. IOW’s if a man has to consciously make an effort in keeping his woman excited, we don’t want or need to know as long as it’s being done.
A predictable man usually is a man that has become overly comfortable in his relationship. He stops doing those spontaneous Kino touches, he stops saying those things that give her that sudden spurt of excitement, he stops looking at her a certain way, he doesn’t really talk to or with her. It really doesn’t take much for a man to keep a woman excited, but for a naturally unexciting man, it will take more of a conscious effort.
UNPREDICTABILITY IS HAWT! (yeah yeah Omerta I know my usage of the word “HAWT” is soooooo unpredictable!) 🙄 😆
There is *NOTHING* like being with a man who is honest, trustworthy, caring, dependable, solid, masculine, dominant and still UNPREDICTABLE in all the right ways. NOTHING!
I call this guy a Monkey in the Middle.
But the greatest part about a guy who is a monkey in the middle is he has all the good traits that a quality woman, her mommy, daddy, nana and grampy would adore for their daughter and granddaughter, while having other traits that keep his woman super excited with that “stirring” inside of her. The best way I can describe it is, he gives her balanced scales with one tipping over in either direction every now and then. She’s on a never ending see saw!
That is why I say women love jerks and assholes as much as they love overly nice wholesome guys – THEY DON’T! Especially when it comes to long term relationships. Both types of men get tiring, predictable and boring after a short time.
But a guy in the middle is perfect LTR material b/c he has the ability to keep a woman happier beyond initial and/or beginning stages of a relationship. He has staying power b/c he’s unpredictable yet still satisfies her needs and wants for a good guy with an edge.
Guys can do small and little things that catch his woman off guard that keep her with that feeling of “oooooohhh!”. Doing it too much becomes predictable, but doing it ever so often is just enough to keep her
ON *OFF* her toes.
NEECY PLEA: FELLAS,
PLEASE DON’T PLEASE DO TRY THIS AT HOME?
Fellas, if you are in a LTR you *NEED* to be doing *at least* these things. At least TRY them. If your girl doesn’t like or respond positively then she’s a weirdo! J/K. But honestly a guy cannot go wrong with just trying something out of the ordinary to see the response he gets from his girl. I realize these things *may* only apply to Neecy and what she likes, but i’m pretty sure some women would also love these things to. like I said, doesn’t hurt to try?
1) squeeze her buttocks in a place where it may be taboo YET where no one can see (avoid embarrassing her you just wanna catch her off guard without anyone noticing),
2) lick her lips or go in for a REALLY QUICK and FAST tongue kiss while sitting at a stop light or in the middle of annoying traffic or while on your way to a family function( an ex did this to me once. YEE HAW exciting man!!!) and then start talking about something totally unrelated. She’ll be so damn confused at what to think about, but better believe her heart will be pounding and she’ll be doing backflips on the inside.
3) Smack her bottom when she is having a meltdown. Believe me she will be so shocked she’ll have no choice but to give you that open mouthed surprised “omg should I be happy or mad” face with a loud screeching laugh of shock and excitement – she’ll forget about what she was bitching or going on about.
4) Don’t be afraid to be a little rough in the bedroom. I won’t go into detail but just know every woman likes to be dominated in the bedroom. Boring predictable sex is surely not going to keep a woman around in a LTR. You don’t need to be a Mandingo but darnit, work what ya got!
5) Say something naughty to her in the most unaughty of places. Like a ballgame, church (NO JUST KIDDING PLEASE DON’T DO THAT!), Thanksgiving dinner, during a hike up Mount Kilimanjaro, while visiting grandma and grampy, where ever it would not call for a naughty comment is the point.
I think you get the picture right? The point is women like unpredictability and a little excitement here and there. But a quality woman also needs predictability in the sense that she knows you are a solid guy who she can count on, trust, and give herself to and not be used or taken advantage of or lied to. That is the basis of any relationship. It needs to have a solid foundation with a mix of spontaneity and fun on different levels and at the right times.
Men too also like when their woman is spontaneous and fun, but possibly in a different way? Not sure but I am guessing that as a woman he too wants to know he has a solid and quality partner he can count on and trust, and who always acts like a true feminine lady. But he too wants to be surprised with fun, spontaneous *acts* ever so often.
Either way, the point is women are not hard to please if you mix it up and stop being so darn predictable and comfortable in your relationships. Men have a tendency to get really comfortable once they settle and this is quite dangerous these days where today the average woman has the attention span of a GNAT (I spelled it right N/A – see I’m learnin’) 😉
I just don’t want to see good men going all the way to the extreme end of the man-o-meter (asshole) b/c they didn’t realize all they needed to do was mix it up a bit.