Noooooo!! You fools! You guys are sooo darn gullible and easy to trick!
We’re talking the ole’ Bait n Switch done in relationships. You know those sneaky g/f’s and b/f’s who appear to be sent from heaven above? The ones that clean the crust off and from inside your toes, pick the lovely pimples off your face, eat your boogies when they are hungry, lick your scabs and wounds, bathe you, feed you, do everything sexually that you desire? And then……THEY STOP.
But whatever do you mean “THEY STOP” Neecy? (there I go talking to meself in the third person again and ANSWERING myself – oh wells)
Uhm so. Yes. I mean that they turn from the pleasant Dr. Jekyll to Mr. or Mrs. Hyde once you have completely invested in the relationship somehow either through making a long-term commitment or marriage. Once the marriage ink dries on the certificate or once you have moved in with them and signed a sub-lease agreement and introduced them to the fam and friends and co-workers as “the one” and the “love of your life” they suddenly become the crazies you never knew, the bitch or asshole on wheels, the sexless mummy who wears mummy couture wrap to bed, the man that went from being a 5 hour stallion in the bed to a 1 minute zombie who only wants to have sex in the missionary for 60 seconds, the chef that went from cooking you yummy elaborate meals every night to whipping up weight watchers frozen dinners in the micro…. the list goes on.
Why do people do this? It’s done quite a bit – especially in marriages. From both men and women. When it’s easy to break free from any relationship with no strings attached, you’ll find there are those who will keep a facade up to get you into some kind of Long-term commitment or marriage or to get sex from you. And then once you become so invested (be it LTR or marriage) you find it’s not so easy to just simply walk away, they start showing their true colors – and usually those colors are not the happy colors in the crayon box.
Of course I am not talking all relationships here, but I feel there needs to be a focus on the kinds of people who do these things and possible ways to identify them. While I have no crystal ball nor am I a mind reader, I would guess there are signs that would appear throughout the relationship before making a final commitment to someone without realizing you are being played. What are some examples of what I am talking about?
POSSIBLE SIGNS OF A BAIT-N-SWITCHER?
ONE OBVOUSLY TRYING TOO TOO HARD TO IGNITE YOUR MALE/FEMALE FEEL GOOD TRIGGERS
I dunno. But I would think the best way to avoid such people would be to always be observant. To make sure that the person you chose is truly at one with your common interest, goals in life. That you share the same level of excitement for most things. I think a SMART man or SMART woman with observing skills knows when a woman or man is “faking it” and pretending to be interested in something he or she loves when they really aren’t.
For men dealing with women. Usually she will try too hard to “prove” something, and she plays along to win him over by trying to ignite his feel good male triggers.
There is a huge difference in a woman that says:
“oooooh yeeeeeah! I love me some football and all kinds of sports. I watch them all the time baby! Football is amazingly great and fun to watch”
“Heck yeah I loooooooooooooooooooove giving blow jobs! In fact I was in the blow job marathon for years before I met you b/c I do it and love it soooooooooooooooooooooooo much! In fact, I’m so desperate to give you one, I want to give you one right now here in the frozen food isle babe! *wink*”
Neecy says? TRYING too hard. Going overboard. Usually a sure sign of a phoney.
VS. A woman who says:
“hey babe UGH I really hate football and I don’t really get into sports all that much, but b/c you love it, I’ll watch it with you and maybe learn about it more b/c maybe then I would enjoy it”
“Ok babe you know how much blow jobs hurts my jaws and mouth but dammit I know you love it so I’m definitely game. I’ll suck it up (hehe s’cuse the pun) and do it for my BOO whenever he wants it *smile*”
See the difference? Woman numero uno is trying too damn hard to ignite the happy feel good “she’s a keeper” triggers in her man vs. woman Numero Dos who admits she may not fully be on board but is making exceptions b/c she loves or really likes her man enough to do the things or participate in the things he enjoys.
Woman number 1 deep down she knows nothing about sports, football and really has never had any interest, but she is saying this to sound good and ignite your male triggers to make her favorable in your eyes. Woman 2 is a woman that is not trying too hard to ignite his male triggers. She is being honest but she is also saying b/c she likes or loves him she’s willing to sit through the things he enjoys to be supportive and/or to give it a chance.
I have known a LOT of women who play these silly “trigger” games to win men over knowing deep down the truth eventually comes out – usually after a major argument in which she will blast out “I hate football and I only said I liked it b/c I thought it would make you happy!” or some other absurd reason.
Sometimes its much too late b/c the guy fell for this and made a total investment in the woman/relationship to the point he may have children with her now or married her etc.
For women a man may say or do certain obvious things to win a woman over sexually:
“Damn you look hot in that potato sack and the fact that you didn’t comb your hair and brush your teeth makes you even more sexier baby! There is nothing like an au’ natural woman who is low maintenance. BTW did you pack on 30 lbs.? YEAH? WOW! You look the best I have ever seen you honey! I really don’t like women who try to look good all the time. I like the fact that you look and smell like shit and don’t try. SOOOO DAMN SEXY! More women need to do what you do”
VS a man that says:
“Ok. I’m all for you being natural and not looking like you just packed on the whole make up counter on your face, but babe, I’m not feeling that look you’ve got going there. I like when you dress down at times, but when you wear a potato sack and don’t comb your hair or brush your teeth and gain 30lbs in one month, you’re telling me that you don’t take pride in yourself. And if you don’t take pride in yourself or appearance it just sends a bad message. Is something wrong? How can I help you work through whatever it is you’re going through?”
See the difference? Dood number 1 is trying tooo damn hard to keep the woman in his good graces by LYING his arse off. A lot of men will do this. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Its one thing to be supportive of your g/f or wife, but its one think to be a lying suck up just to stay in her good graces. Dood 2 is still gentle and loving but is being honest about what he likes or doesn’t like – he even reached out to help support her in case she is going through something that would make her not care about her appearance.
So in my eyes, a sure sign to watch out for is a man or woman trying too hard to push those feel good triggers that they know would win over the opposite sex. Usually they are doing this b/c they are aware that doing so may get them to their intended destination enough to pull out once they have received what they wanted – for women its usually commitments and for men its usually sex.
THE MARRIAGE CERTIFICATE HAS BEEN SIGNED, SEALED AND DELIVERED.
YOU NO LONGER TRY TO LOOK LIKE THIS
AND SETTLE FOR LOOKING LIKE THIS
I can remember even as a small child television shows, commercials, etc., that promoted this idea that it was perfectly normal for married women to have no interest in being sexually appealing or sexually available to their husbands, and perfectly normal for husbands to accept this as normal and even make jokes about it.
The going joke was/is and has always been in Western culture and pop culture that the husband has to beg, plead and get on his wife’s “good side” just to get some lovin or affection. The wife, has to “be in the mood” (something that is rare) and when she does do it, it’s like some task or chore. The wife also becomes the unsexy version of her former self before the marriage or Long-term commitment. Suddenly she feels she no longer has to do the things that she did to get her man, to keep him since he has already invested in some fashion. NOT COOL ladies!
WHY? Well first b/c it creates a counter joke in the masses that says women after marrying become unsexy and sexually unappealing to their husbands who always dream of boffing some chick outside his marriage b/c being a “wife” automatically makes you unsexy and no longer sexually available as you were before hand. Not true, but it does create this mindset. And suddenly men see a wife or the image of a wife as nothing great.
Also, another reason is B/C this sets marriage up as something that is more of a contract than a relationship of two people who love each other and want to make each other as happy as they possibly can within the relationship. When young men and women grow up seeing this kind of cultural acceptance of how marriages work when it comes to intimacy and relations, they become brainwashed and believe it’s normal.
Some may be saying, “well Neecy worry about yourself and the type of g/f or wife you would be and stay out of others business. And why do you care anyway!” I care as a single woman who wants either a long-term committed relationship or marriage one day that when women do these bait-n-switch things, it makes it much harder for the rest of us to find men who believe they will benefit in a marriage or LTR. The images of “wives” becomes an image less of a positive appealing image for men (who DO THE ASKING and COMITTING) and more of a disgusting caricature of what happens to a woman when she marries.
Women (and some men) today think it’s normal to go from being the g/f he loved to the wife he regrets marrying and committing to. Many people just have this belief that it’s “par for the course” when it comes to marriages, and that is why so many divorces are at an all-time high in western society today. Neecy is here to tell you – IT’S NOT NORMAL.
You should be happy to want to look and be pleasing for a man that has made a commitment in a society today where men don’t have to anymore to get laid or have FWB relationships regularly.
YOU ARE NOW SAFE TO
MOVE ABOUT THE CABIN SWING FROM THE CHANDELIER!
Ladies, if a man in this day and age makes an open commitment to you in a monogamous long-term or marriage it is your DUTY to be sexually available to him. Now I am not talking about the loonies who expect and want sex 25/8 and who don’t allow you to go out or come up for air. The ones who only see you as a piece of meat there to fulfill his sexual desires and nothing more. The ones who just think you are a sex machine.
I’m talking the normal men who simply expect intimacy in….wait for it…. REASONABLE INTERVALS (you should know this Neecy Nest concept by now). What a lot of women don’t realize is, a lot of men will commit in relationships SIMPLY to have a person they can count on for consistent intimacy without having to go out and hunt for it from different women all the time. There is a comfort for many males in knowing they have a g/f or wife whom they can depend on for their release and intimacy needs.
Basically what I am saying is – the greatest incentive in men’s minds to commit in a monogamous LTR is to have a consistent form of release from a woman they know and love. Although, these days that mindset is changing due to the numbers of women who give away their milk for free without him having to buy the cow.
But, there’s nothing wrong with this mindset at all and frankly, I think it’s a pretty smart way of seeing things – especially if you are a man that is not interested in “hunting” for sex regularly from different women. Some men have ZERO interest in trying to get sex from different women b/c (1) it aint easy and (2) it requires a lot of technique and gaming to get anywhere these days with halfway decent looking women. Part of what makes monogamous relationships incentives for the two people involved is being able to partake in intimacy without having to worry about getting it from strangers or people you don’t trust or who are not worthy of your affections.
You have one other person you know and love and want to share such an experience with to (1) make them feel good (2) to make yourself feel good. Why wouldn’t you want to be sexually available to a person that has openly said to the world, their families, friends and such that they respect and love you enough to commit to you in a monogamous relationship and share their last name with you? If you are not physically attracted to your b/f or husband why would you allow yourself to enter into a long-term commitment with a man you don’t want to please or show some kind of affection to regularly?
I don’t get it. Never have. This coming from someone who is a staunch monogamous that believes that a woman should hold out and have all the great fun inhibited buck wild sex with a man she is in a committed monogamous relationship with. That the men in this day and age who commit – despite the sea of fish swimming with open legs and mouths with barely a ‘hello’ should be shown the utmost appreciation for making an open commitment to a woman he loves.
The best way to show this appreciation is by being sexually available to him and also for yourself as a woman who is also in need of some lovin regularly from a man you love, trust and are attached to and who has made a commitment that you and he are one. Why women these days would rather do all kinds of sexually uninhibited stuff with men who wouldn’t even allow them on his doorstep, let alone make a commitment to her is beyond me. Even in my younger years and teen years I never understood it.
I was always told that you should never reward a man with your body unless he has shown and proven to be sincerely interested in you enough to make an open commitment to you in a monogamous relationship. Other than that, the rest can keep it moving. Women who suddenly marry and then lose interest in staying sexy for their man or even being sexually available to their husbands and the men who have openly made a commitment to them, are crooks IMO. If these women did the same things before the marriage and their husbands still married them, then that’s a different story. But in most cases what some women will do is be that perfect AGREEABLE g/f who does everything for her man to that wife that suddenly stops doing it or is only sexually available on “special occasions”. NOT RIGHT.
I have had an acquaintance openly admit to me that she only gives her husband oral sex on special occasions like – his BDAY, Valentine’s Day, New year’s. etc. HUH? Then when I asked if she did this while they were dating she said “No I did it all the time, but it’s just different when you are dating”. Uhm okaayyys!! 😕 Yes this is a huge problem in many marriages today. A lot of people these days view marriage as a way to trap someone or to simply get their needs met while the other person is left with the brown bag fending for themselves.
Ok fellas, some of your brethren partake in the bait-n-switch wars as well. A lot of guys will put up a facade as the kind, caring perfect gentleman who is so chivalric that a woman starts believing he’s too good to be true. Or he presents himself as this exciting guy that turns you on all the time and then after settling down he doesn’t pay you attention anymore and stops doing all the things that excited and got you in the first place. he may even stop taking stock in his appearance as well.
A lot of men play this game to get in good with a woman. Unlike women who usually will play these BNS games to get a man in a committed relationship, usually men will play these bait-n-switch games more so to get sex from the woman or some other kind of resource from the woman as opposed to trying to get her in a long-term commitment or marriage.
People are aware of what triggers the opposite sex and makes them want to give into the other persons desires. So they play games and “pretend” to be one way to get what they want, and then switch It up once they are in. Men know the triggers that get women all wet, warm and fuzzy on the insides – COMITMENT. A woman who likes a man wants to be in a committed relationship with him. For a woman, a man that has committed to her or shows promise of such, she feels special in some way b/c he chose her. A lot of men know this and play games and/or string hopeful women along by playing the kind guy who will eventually commit to her or he treats her really good in the beginning. So the woman gives herself to him sexually (b/c this is what drives a lot of men in the initial stages of getting to know a woman he is attracted to) and after she does he suddenly changes and becomes this jerk or butthead b/c now he has got what he wanted from her.
BAIT-N-SWITCH….. NEECYS SAYS: ITS OKAY TO CHEAT AND/OR THROW UP YOUR DEUCES WHEN APPLICABLE
“RUT ROH!!! NEECY IS PROMOTING CHEATING??????”
Look. Cheating is shitty and is never a good thing and I don’t condone it. But certain circumstances would warrant it more than most others. Like when a man has married a woman and had children with her and she suddenly stops being sexually available to him. That is completely selfish and unfair! Unless the woman has an illness or disability that would prevent her from having sex with her husband regularly, there is NO excuse to do this with a man that has made a commitment to you and has given you children.
The reason its unfair is b/c this man can’t just up and walk away with incurring some kind of loss – breaking up a home and family life that his children benefit from, losing out financially, etc. Divorce is no easy feat for anyone and can be very draining for the two people involved and even more draining on children. So its not so simple for a man in need of affection and intimacy to walk away from a marriage, throw up his deuces and say “peace out” and find another woman. He’s invested. SO, yes in this instance I would say to a man not getting any form his wife – GO get it where you can.
If a man is trying to be a reasonable good husband that provides for his family and is doing his part and he cannot get or receive affection and intimacy from his wife REGULARLY, he has EVERY.RIGHT to get his needs fulfilled and met outside of the marriage b/c marriage is vowed till death do you part or else expect to go through a boatload of stressful divorce and custody issues as well as losses.
Any other instance I say cheating is NOT OKAY. cheating on someone is totally unnecessary b/c one can easily just walk away from that relationship and find someone else who makes them happy. Women? Same applies. If a man has somehow turned into a boring unexciting lover and husband who stopped doing the things that kept you happy before the marriage, guess what – its okay to say “PEACE OUT!”.
But only after you have tried to communicate and work things out by letting him know that you are currently unhappy with the way things are. If he has not tried to change, then I would not expect any woman to stay in a lifeless long-term committed relationship or marriage. Another instance that would not warrant even a discussion would be if he turns abusive or into some maniac that you had never known existed until after you married him and/or had children. Discussions are out and running as fats from that long-term relationship and/or marriage is IN ORDER.
BEWARE for the BAIT-N-SWITCHERS in 2012!! 😉
The fact is people are going to do whatever they need to do when it comes to getting someone or something they want from the opposite sex. That isn’t the problem per se. The problem is when they do things simply to get someone and then stop doing those things once they got that person. Its a crime and should be punishable by law!! lol
Seriously, the best way i can think of avoiding this for those who have been baited and switched on or those looking to avoid it is – beware of people trying waaay to hard in the beginning stages of a relationship to ignite those male/female/relationship triggers that they know would likely get a person to fall for them early on.