Sounds like an Oxymoron doesn’t it?
As many of you know I am pro beta with some adjustments. I think a Beta type guy who makes adjustments in his “game” is the epitome of the man that every woman wants and wants to keep. In fact, if a beta guy plays his cards right, he actually push himself one step ahead of the Alpha/Player guy in the SMP b/c he *can* possess the best of both worlds. But he as to really adjust and learn certain observational behaviors.
So what would Beta game be as opposed to Beta men ripping out their brain matter, quitting their good jobs, going to the gym to get body building ripped, and schlepping to the dark side of PLAYERVILLE? Can a Beta guy keep some of his more desirable Beta traits and develop enough of the more Alpha traits to keep him ahead of the game in the SMP? Or, do beta men need to completely stop being beta, for more potential booty calls?
THE TRADITIONAL BETA MALE – A DUTIFUL& WILLING SOLDIER
As a Black woman, my introspection and EMPATHY for the Western White beta male stems moreso from the experience and knowledge of how unfortunately similar he is too many American Black women. American Black women are often the supporters, givers, sacrificers, glue, for everyone else’s needs, benefits and happiness –all the while, never demanding that her needs as a woman are met. It’s always about doing for others, sacrificing for others and never getting that back from those very people. In fact, what she does get back is ridicule, blame, lack of appreciation, marginalization, and abandonment. Not very far off from what most Beta White men experience throughout their lives.
In my eyes most beta men are Western White males. When you look at Western culture, you see some of the most advanced forms of life luxuries and benefits than you would in any other culture or society. These things stem from men whom have channeled a great deal of their energies (be them voluntarily or by default) in helping to advance society and people decade by decade.
In addition, the traditional White Beta male has been the glue and the backbone of Western White culture, White women, White children, and White communities. Very similar to the American Black woman. The reason White society is able to thrive is not b/c of the Players and Alphas out banging hot trashy women in clubs and bars, not b/c of the overly pedestaled and entitled women who do nothing but keep their hands out expecting the best for crappy behavior, but b/c of the Beta men (who put up with the formers) and who for better or for worse have channeled more of their masculine energies into creating societies that thrive.
American Black women often sacrifice opportunities for individual better lives (as do Beta guys) for the benefit of the COLLECTIVE. What happens when you solely live for keeping the collective heads afloat? YES, you lose out on your individual efforts at happiness and sustainability!
Having said that, beta men still have penises and still have a great desire for female affection, attention and sex. The lack of such is a result of a society and culture of women who take for granted the protections, lifestyles, stability and comfort that come as a result of having an abundance of beta males at their fingertips and command. It soon for these women (and the Alpha/players that do nothing but benefit from beta men’s works) becomes more of a beta man’s *DUTY* to provide these things.
Once people feel its your *DUTY* to do certain things, they absolve themselves from any real desire, need or want to return the favor. It simply becomes a “given” that your sole purpose on earth is to make other people’s lives easier & better while receiving nothing in return that would equally make your life more enhanced and happier.
Same applies to American Black women who forfeit their rights and opportunities to love men across the color lines who would work with them and appreciate them, b/c its their *DUTY* to keep the Black community, Black men, Black people afloat with her resources, efforts and life.
WHAT TYPE OF MAN ARE YOU?
I guess it first starts with self. Every man would have some individual characteristics that would make him desire different things from women or relationships. While there is a basic and simple need for most all men there are still some variations.
A Beta guy at heart is a guy who does not necessarily care or need to bed everything with a wet available hole, he just wants to be able to get laid and get a girl he desires when that time presents itself. He also longs to be appreciated and loved for what he brings to the table and not used as a meal ticket by women who have starved him so long of affection that by the time they have decided they are no longer attractive to the hot studs they rode in their younger years, the starved for female booty and attention beta guy is waiting in the wings for them – no questions asked.
Most players have a different route. Their goal is to get as many opportunities to bed as many available women as possible with no real goal in mind except getting laid. Beta men are more built for long term relationships, marriage and family building. BUT this is their weakness in that they haven’t figured out enough GAME to keep them from solely being used as the cleanup man.
THE CLEAN UP MAN DONS HIS CAP’N SAVE A HOE CAPE
Beta men keep society thriving. They give us all of the luxuries and lifestyle comforts that we enjoy. They treat people and women with respect and are reasonable by nature. They try to keep the scales balanced by trying to understand things that may be out of their nature (women). But that comes at a price for whom? BETA MEN; the very providers of everyone else’s happiness.
So as a result, Beta men will often put themselves on the line (especially when it comes to women) to gain some favor with women or people and ultimately end up being shitted on and used. Instead of using his superior skills and abilities to demand the same equivalency of things in return, he settles for what he can get in the love and relationship dept.
Ultimately, the downfall of beta guys is that they see only the END result. They don’t focus on the most effective ways to get to that end result without losing too much of himself or his resources on the way there. In a Beta Guys mind, the end result is – GET THE WOMAN. He wants a woman and he’s going to do anything to get her attention & approval to win her over and ultimately gain some sort of intimacy from her for the short or long term. He doesn’t think about ways in which he can gain things for himself in the process. The end gain for him is getting the woman by any means necessary – and that means is usually self-deprecating, over supplicating to the wrong women, no demand for reciprocation just to name a few.
Beta men also tend to don the Cap’n Save a Hoe cape more than necessary. And they do so for women who aren’t giving them anything. They don’t seek to do things for women that have actually fulfilled some need of his, they do it IN ORDER to get some need fulfilled – yet that hardly ever happens. The only thing he gets for being a *Captain Save an ungrateful hoe* is “let’s just be friends” or pointing with tons of laughter or disgust.
MOVING INTO THE MODERN DAY BETA MALE – YES, WHO ACTUALLY GETS LAID!
As stated, I don’t believe Beta men need to completely change into players and total Alphas to be more successful in the dating arena. But they need to get with the modern day program. While women & players are changing in the SMP Beta guys are staying the same – that is the problem.
Game techniques can only help a true beta man so much. The best thing a beta guy can do for himself is start loving himself more, demanding respect for the things he is bringing to the table, demanding reciprocation in all relationships, and start focusing on his social skills even before trying “GAME”.
But unless a Beta guy asks himself what things he really likes about himself and what things he seeks to change about himself, he really won’t be as successful in the SMP as he thinks. If he feels he is a complete failure without taking into account that most of what his biggest problem is lack of demand for reciprocation or other social awkwardness traits (that can EASILY BE FIXED) he won’t really get very far. Game techniques tend to be delivered in a One Size Fits all matter and would need tweaking and adjustment.
BITTERNESS IS YOUR BIGGEST HANDICAP
A lot of beta men are bitter as they reach ages where they have either wisened up and/or achieved some sort of success and now have an opportunity to get the kinds of women that have been so elusive to him in the past. Its understandable why Beta guys would look to the women their age and want to ridicule them for aging and such, but recognize that bitterness and baggage *WILL* keep you from getting to your full potential in the SMP with the women you desire. Bitterness is not only a nasty taste in one’s own mouth, its reeks from those who carry it around smugly. Better believe if you are a beta or reformed beta who gets off on constantly bashing the women who are now older and who ignored or mistreated you in your earlier years – you will never win.
Those women lived their lives for better or worse and had their fun. Are you living your life and having fun if you are focusing on women past a certain age who don’t even know you exist? The only difference between the guy in the past and yourself now, is that you *THINK* all you need to have is a better approach to getting women, a goatee, and good job and it’s a done deal. SOWWY. Bitterness gets you so far. Focusing on people and things you claim to have zero interest in keeps you from progressing to your fullest potential.
If you wanna “stick it to tha
man woman” that did you wrong, your best bet is to ignore them and live well. They would be able to see this for themselves instead of seeing some scorned little boy in a man’s shell who can’t let go of the past.
UNDERSTAND THIS CONEPT: WOMEN COME IN A VARIETY OF CATEGORIES
While I know gamers, PUA’s and players are loathe to admit that it really is a specific certain kind of woman that falls for their games and are easily bedded, a Beta guy can stay one step ahead of the game recognizing the differences in women and how to categorize them for an even better and broader ability at getting the kind of woman he wants.
a Beta man *really* needs to understand that while women may hold some of the same characteristics, by and by women fall into very different and distinct categories. If a Beta guy taking on PUA and game techniques is not fully aware of the categories in which different women fall, he will fail for the most part. While PUA’s and Players tend to lump all women into one bucket, they also tend not to see that its only one kind of particular women they end up gaming and playing.
So in essence what they are teaching Betas Is how to gain access to certain kinds of women and not *ALL* WOMEN. Wouldn’t it be beneficial for a beta guy to know ways in which to gain access to all women based on what his individual needs are and how women fall into a variety of categories?
Beta guys needs to ask himself what kinds of women he wants to pursue and for what reasons. Not all beta guys want to pump and dump and don’t really wanna deal with crap that comes with the scores of Looney and damaged women who would be easy access for pumps n dumps.
IF NEECY WERE A BETA MALE WHAT WOULD SHE DO?
Hmm Good question Neecy!! ( I love talking to myself and answering myself in the 3rd person!!)
1) DROP THE BETA PROVIDER SIGN FROM YOUR FOREHEAD
IOW’s. Beta guys usually have bait. Their bait is they typically are very successful in their careers and as a result have an abundance of resources or power. But if you let this be known too soon or are willing to share these resources with women too soon, you will be used and/or strung along for such resources in MOST cases. So focus on promoting YOURSELF as a person to see if the woman responds. She doesn’t need to know what you do for a living, how much you make, your family pedigree or other things that would signal “beta provider”. All she needs to be focused on is getting to know you better and you getting to know her better as PEOPLE. If a woman doesn’t show interest in you as *PERSON* then you know off hand this is not a woman that should further benefit from your resources. What she doesn’t know can hurt her (and help you), if she is not sincere.
2) HOLD YOUR COMPOSURE AT ALL TIMES
I don’t care how fione the woman is – HOLD YOUR COMPOSURE!!! I don’t care if she lifts up her shirt to reveal a pair of perky full supple bouncing breasts and the only two breasts you ever saw bare was the ones your mom breast fed you with as an infant (if you remember this, then please exit this blog and head to the nearest psychiatrist).
I know its hard fellas. As men its visual beauty that drives you and therefore you cannot control yourself when a woman crosses your path that pushes all of your buttons. One of the major downfalls of beta males is they typically go overboard with complimenting and supplicating to women. As you know, I am pro male compliments and I really hate men who don’t compliment women b/c they are trying to play games. But there*is* a fine line that a man has to take and usually only an experienced highly confident man can feel very comfy in complimenting a woman he desires and still keeping her attracted and interested.
An inexperienced beta guy hasn’t learned that yet and will typically go overboard or do it in ways that appear to be supplicating to a woman and as such will turn a woman off b/c you come off as desperate. You may SINCERELY be thinking this is the hottest girl you’ve ever seen, you may be SINCERELY thinking you don’t have a chance, but the moment you reveal such in body language and words it’s a done deal (and I don’t mean the kind of done deal where you two are rolling around on White sheets giggling and laughing, sucking on chocolate covered strawberries in the nude – *damn that sounds fun and good right about now*). *sigh* Moving on…..
3) KEEP YOUR ARMS & SHOULDERS TO YOURSELVES!
Another beta guy mishap? Always having your arms open for that chick (that you like more than a friend) that sees you as her shoulder to cry on, her chest to lean on when the guy she is banging makes her mad or hurts her. If you are friends with a girl you like, YOU’RE SETTING YOURSELF UP FOR FAILURE! That is unless you are the rare man that can suck it up, and let it go and simply be her friend with no more desire for anything more. If you can do that – then its all good.
A woman doesn’t need a guy friend to determine if later she will like him enough to have an intimate relationship with him. It’s best to be upfront about what you want or like to see with your relationship with her. If she responds she is not feeling you in that matter, your best bet is to remove yourself from that friendship as much as possible. I understand in some instances this may not be possible. In those cases, keep your arms down. Do not become that schlub with open arms that she runs to when the other guy who is benefitting upsets her. That is what her g/f’s , her momma, her auntie, her nana, her cousin, and gay male friends are for.
4) UNDERSTAND THE CONCEPT OF BUYERS BEWARE
Beta men like to be chivalric and often times will offer some of their resources for women they are just getting to know. I think it’s a good and courteous gesture. But it needs to strictly come from a place of you using that resource for your own intents to get to know the woman better and NOTHING MORE. If you go into doing anything for a woman with the INTENT you will get something in return – you’ve already lost. The purpose for buying a woman a drink in a social setting, taking a woman out to dinner on a first or second date etc., is strictly to gain access to her time for you to get to know if she is worth pursuing. PERIOD.
Since most men do the approaching, this would be on the man. But in cases where a woman is the pursuer I would also say she needs to do the same thing to get a man’s time and attention if she desires it.
No other thoughts should be in your head when doing this EXCEPT that you are willing to offer a small token or investment of something (like a drink or dinner) so that you can see if this is a woman you are interested in pursuing beyond initial stages of “getting to know you better”. I know nowadays some guys brag about how they don’t buy women drinks nor takes them out to dinner and they get exactly what they ask for – low caliber trashy women.
Quality women (and highly sought after women) do not take for granted a guy who buys them a drink to have further convo or a guy who asks them out to dinner for further “getting to know you” purposes. Trashy women OTOH, aren’t so courteous and usually they have trashy written all over them in some form or fashion. A quality woman understands that a man who is asking for her time is willing to offer a small token or investment to do so.
Guys who bitch about buying women drinks and taking women to dinner and getting nothing in return are guys who EXPECT something in return and when they don’t get it, they feel they were *used*.
If you want to avoid being used for drinks or dinner, perhaps making some small talk before hand is in order. But realize a quality woman will not sit and chat up a guy for very long who is not courteous enough to offer her a drink for more of her time.
5) CONFIDENCE AND BODY LANGUAGE (AND WARDROBE) GO A LOONG WAY
A beta guy (especially a socially inept one) needs to constantly be working on his body language to exude more confidence. Also working on a set wardrobe that is somewhat stylish or fits in with the crowd or types of women you are interested in helps somewhat. Yeah yeah we all heard of the “ALPHA PLAYER” who walks in a room with a big fuzzy hat breakin all the social norms in dress codes etc. – Sorry but this doesn’t happen OFTEN and often times the average guy is not silly or stupid or gutsy enough to pull this. And most of the time most women will laugh and find it cute and amusing, but won’t really take him seriously in the long run. The last thing a Beta guy needs to do is draw amusing attention to himself when he is already struggling with confidence and a solid demeanor to look more relaxed.
6) DON’T BE AFRAID TO LOOK FOR OTHER POSSIBLE
BROWN BOOTIES GREENER PASTURES
Beta White men for various reasons tend to stick and stay within the confines of what is familiar to them – WHITE WOMEN. Often times they will not explore relationships with other races of women. Many times its fear, no interest or attraction to other races, feelings of guilt for pursuing a woman other than White and giving up on his people, family etc. Whatever the case may be, if what only keeps you from pursuing other races of women is FEAR and nothing else, step out of your comfort zone. You may be shocked at the scores of other races of women (LIKE BLACK WOMEN– hehe shamless plug 😈 ) who would love to have a decent quality White guy on their arms and in their beds. All you gotta do is stay solid and believe that just b/c a great deal of women within your race don’t appreciate or find you attractive doesn’t mean other atractive women of other races (LIKE BLACK WOMEN hehehe – shamless plug again 😛 ) don’t.
RE: #6 – ITS MY BLOG AND I AM A BLACK WOMAN AND I CAN SHAMELESSLY PLUG FOR THE SISTAS ALLLLL I WANNA! SO THERE!
Well that about covers some of the main points. I’m sure others can add to the list if I left anything out.
No go out there beta guys and GET SOMETHING IN RETURN for all the GREAT qualities you possess!
Black women, while this post focused more on Beta White men, I hope some of the principles you took along with you as well 😉
Love ya sister in the struggle