ROMANTIC MOVIES? – BLAH!
Raise your hand if you are one who looooves romance comedies and dramas on film?
Raise your hand if at one point you did like and go see those kinds of movies!
Raise your hand if you think romantic comedies are full of shit?
Raise your hand if you stopped going to see romantic films b/c you saw they were full of shit?
If you raised your hand to any of those (except numero uno), then you will probably love this post.
If you love romantic movies and comedies that always have some White woman as the object of desire be her a prostitute, a Nunn, a mass murderer, one who eats live babies for kicks, she has one arm, one eye, one leg and one ear and teeth like a tarantasorous and YET AND STILL has some hot charming man with a lot of money or insatiable good looks, a lot of decent qualities, that is pursuing her relentlessly every minute and hour of the day engulfing her with roses, love letters, walks in the park, serenades outside her window – and then decides to sweep her off her feet and marry her and take her away from all of the horrible things of life (including her and her sketchy past) then PLEASE DO NOT READ this post. You will hate my guts and probably try to hunt me down and kill me for ruining your idea of the beloved American Romantic chick flick films. I’m going to give you a countdown to get the hell out before I get into the meat of this post..
M’kay now that we got rid of the asinine idiots who actually buy into the American Romance propaganda machine let’s get to
ROMANCING THE STONE……..OR SHOULD IT BE ROMANCING THE “STONERS”
Hollywood has its Romance movie stoners who get high off of the BS they sell with romance. The problem with American romance films is that they really do set real everyday men up for a lot of heartache and hurt and they also continue to make women believe a lie as well. In these movies the man is always mostly the vulnerable one. The basis for most of these movies is some guy who is trying to get a girl is going above and beyond doing things to win her over and to win her affections. Usually he is portrayed as a sensitive, overly nice guy who does all of these romantic gestures without even really having some sort of confirmation from the woman that she likes him in that way. Usually he is doing all of these things BEFORE hand to win her over and then after the guy gets her all those romantic gestures stop. How assbackwards is that!
Hollywood has gotten it all wrong! A man should only be doing overly romantic gestures for a woman that he is (1) either already romantically involved with or (2) a woman he has some sort of intimacy with or (3) a woman that has CLEARLY shown the same interest and has clearly shown her sexual attraction to him in some way (usually through body language and non-verbal cues – which I will discuss further down). Other than that, a man doing all of these things for a woman who is CLEARLY not sexually interested in him in that way, is “creepy” or better put – a damn fool! But the saying goes a fool and his money will soon part ways.
I could prolly sum this whole post up by saying men shouldn’t do that, but this is Neecysnest Nest where simple one paragraph concepts get turned into war and peace novels.
HOLLYWOOD – SAVE THE DRAMA FOR YOUR MOMMA PLEASE!
Hardly ever do these movies focus on the meat of the relationship that a man and woman are already in. It’s always about the initial feel good stages and the PURSUIT. This is what irks me about romantic movies. I like to see a good love story like the next woman – but I want it to be deep and realistic. Most romantic movies aren’t. It’s not deep enough b/c it’s always mostly about the guy pursuing the woman and doing all of these asinine crazy things to win her over. Then by the end of the movie he wins her affections and we are left to *believe* they lived happily ever after. In my most Sha nay Nay ghetto tone with a finger snap – AH UH! That doesn’t cut it in Neecy’s book.
I understand it’s the movies and Hollywood and people want an escape. But when I want an escape I’ll go see an action film b/c in no way shape or form will I or can I mirror action films in real life. IOW’s action flicks give you a big “DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME” signal and most sane persons can separate an intense and entertaining action flick from real life. I know once I leave the movie theater I cannot strap myself onto a towering building and leap, I cannot fly in the air and save the world; I cannot turn into an action figure etc. That is, if I am not high on meth or heroine.
But if I go and see unrealistic “love” stories it is quite possible that I can try to apply what I saw in the movie to real life scenarios with the opposite sex. And this is what a lot of MEN are doing to their own chagrin. What I am saying is when people become engulfed in too many romantic Hollywood movies, their ideals of love, relationships, men and women become unrealistic and they try to apply those same techniques or principles in real life when it comes to relationships with the opposite sex. What they will ultimately find is that what the Hollywood screenwriter wrote and what the Hollywood director displayed on film is usually NOT the best route for the average guy and/or is usually the surest way for a guy to be friend zoned or seen as damn near creepy OR a damn fool.
These movies almost ALWAYS never focus on showing the depth and complexities of women and rarely show men in a more charming masculine CONTROLLED state. The woman is simply wooed by a man doing all these things for her (even before being in a relationship with her where that stuff really counts) and paints women as simple easily won creatures in that all a man has to do to win a woman over is do overly romantic gestures. NOT!
He is always doing whatever it takes to get a woman. That is really not attractive to most women, although many women will *say* it’s amazing to see a man do this to win a woman over. First thing that is never established is if the woman is even interested. Or the woman is clearly not interested in the beginning, and then the guy starts doing any and everything to make himself appealing to her and *SUDDENLY* she falls in love with him? HA!
If a woman is not initially interested in a man sexually or romantically all these overly romantic gestures will do is annoy her or creep her out or see him as a desperate fool.
ACTION ! CUT!
(HOLLYWOOD IS GIVING MEN WOOD ALRIGHT….AND BLUE BALLS)
Romantic movies usually never really focus on what it is that really makes women tick when it comes to how men pursue us and show interest in us. Yes women generally are flattered by male attention as long as it light hearted and not confining or as long as she doesn’t feel pushed in a corner.
But these romantic movies never really get to the meat and guts about what it is we really crave for in men. It’s a lot easier to portray a man as catering to a woman than it is showing a man in his natural masculine state pursuing a woman and successfully getting that raw attraction from her vs. the contrived IDEALS that women are taught to want in men.
Supplicating to a woman that you are not in a romantic relationship with already is a turn off. WHY? Not b/c it’s an evil thing, but b/c in my eyes it’s not in a man’s nature to be supplicating to that degree with something or someone who is not giving him something in return. In my eyes, Men are usually very self-focused by nature and will almost never in their raw state give anything to anyone he has not established some sort of relationship with. This is the reward in winning a man over – he will then become supplicating towards you in some ways b/c he has an established relationship with you. A man doing supplicating out of that arena comes off as desperate.
So women and men who absorb these movies are sent messages on what things we “should” look for in a man, but never really addresses the complexities of what we REALLY WANT – a guy in the middle. Also, men are sent messages that women want the kind of guys we see in these kinds of movies and they start doing such things in real life to get women, only to walk away with less than favorable results.
We don’t want the overly nice sensitive schlub that goes out of his way to woo us (especially if we are not feeling him) and we also don’t want the jerk that is aloof and overly arrogant. Women want a man that is confident and knows the right boundaries when it comes to pursuing us and keeping us attracted. The minute a man loses himself trying to get one woman – it signals to us in some way desperation or low self-value.
DOGS BOUNDARIES ARE A MAN’S BEST FRIEND
This is where feminism came in and unfairly pointed men in the direction against their true masculine and charming selves. A charming man does not drop his boxers or boxer briefs to get a woman. He maintains a masculine energy and control and frame. If the woman doesn’t respond quickly and favorably he moves on to the next. Most men are taught to keep doing and doing until she finally gives in and “falls in love with him” for all of his romantic nice gestures. In real life this only leads to disastrous results mainly for the guy.
Every man should have his own boundaries of how far he is willing to go to get a woman he wants.
He needs to know what boundaries he is willing to set for himself and how far he will go in terms of letting the woman or showing the woman that he likes her. He also needs to understand HER boundaries. Those boundaries should only go as far as playful flirting and flirty banter to gauge a woman’s response and interest based on her interaction. Once the response is positive, you need to shoot quickly to the next level or step
He also has to be willing to walk away fairly early if the results are not favorable based on the initial things he has done to get her interest. . If I’ts not favorable, STOP, DROP and ROLL your arse away from her and to the next woman of interest! Do not pass go, do not try to collect two hundred, just keep it moving for your own sake and hers.
Those boundaries*should* fall in the middle and not on either extremes (the super nice sensitive guy or the arrogant asshole/jerk). That’s too easy to just pick one and go with it. As I said women are complex, and in our complexities we like men who are more complex and able to teeter in the middle (which is a lot harder) than choosing to be either of the extremes.
WHEN KEEPING IT
REAL REAL FAKE GOES WRONG
So what happens? Women then leave the theatres in their female posse packs shouting “awwww that was soooo sweet!!” and with more mixed and confused feelings on what it is she wants in a man and how to look for it. Often times women are guilted into liking the nice overly sensitive romantic guy who pursues her relentlessly – b/c “he understands her” “he’s nice” “he’s there for her”. And that internal struggle continues with women and thus why so many women cannot really express or say what it really is they want in a man – and will often end up in relationships with men more so out of feeling she “has” to be with that kind of guy rather than her raw feelings of wanting to be with him.
Many women feel guilty for saying she wants a masculine man with somewhat dominant traits and a solid frame. Feminism has taken that comfort away b/c any woman that admits to liking a strong dominant man who Is in control and not supplicating is considered weak or male identified.
Really what women want (even the most straight feminist women) is a man that knows the right amount of flattery and pursuit to keep her interested without her feeling he is some desperate schlub doing anything and saying anything to get a date or some booty.
Inside we know what we don’t want but may not be able to express it – THAT OVERLY NICE GUY IN THE MOVIE, but cannot express this out of guilt or even confusion b/c many women feel these are the guys she should like and be with and then she ends up with that kind of guy only to realize she is not really attracted to him. In situations like this extreme passive aggressive forms of communications start to take over the woman and the man is often treated unkindly.
The Hollywood producers, directors, screenwriters are JUST as affected by westernized *ideals* of love as is everyone else. They just exploit it. But what they are not telling and showing you is what RAWLY attracts women and what will work for most men in getting a woman he likes and KEEPING her. They throw all caution to the wind and tell the guy to drop his boxers (or boxer briefs) to win a woman over – even without him really knowing how she really feels about him.
Don’t get me wrong, when someone is pursuing something or someone, you always want to put your best foot forward and you also have to distinguish by doing things that show the other person that you are interested in them for more than a friendship. That’s fine. But when it comes to doing things that go above and beyond and you don’t even have confirmation of any sort that the woman also shares that same interest, then it will eventually become a bigger problem down the line for the man.
ROMANTIC GESTRES ARE GREAT!……IF YOU’RE SOMEBODY’S MAN or ESTABLISHED BOOTY CALL REGULAR.
Guys. Women love romance and nice gestures from a man – mainly when she is already interested in him or in a relationship with him. As Liza pointed out, women often do not really enjoy romantic gestures and things from men they have no interest in, in that way. In the beginning it’s flattering and then often times it can turn into becoming creepy, uncomfortable and/or annoying. Mainly b/c if a woman doesn’t like a man in a romantic fashion or if she is not initially attracted to him in some way, it spoils the idea she has in her head of romance. It suddenly becomes GROSS. SO avoid romantic things for women you haven’t already gained some solid confirmation that she also likes you in the same manner or women you are not already intimate with in some way.
Now, you may be asking, how the hell does a man show his interest in a woman if he doesn’t go out of his way doing romantic things for her.
YES a man typically does the pursuing and most women are very fond of this masculine trait. But a man has to know and be creative about what things he will do to show her his interest and to try to get her that will not put him in an awkward or negative light and will not make her feel awkward or uncomfortable.
Honestly, the only safe thing to do is be up front early on and do not waste your time doing things to win her over, only to later see that she doesn’t feel that way about you. IOW’s shoot first and ask questions later. Its better on a woman to be able to quickly and very early on let a guy down then to have her feel he manipulated her and did things *JUST* to win her over when he saw she had no interest.
NEECY’S MAINTENANCE MAN – THE POSTER CHILD FOR –
A FOOL AND HIS MONEY AND/OR TIME WILL SOON PART WAYS
(if he doesn’t come across a Neecy type who understands these things)
I live in a nice apartment complex and one of the maintenance guys here has really gone out of his way to be helpful with me and to do things for me that would be considered going out of his way and out of normal things the maintenance man would do for tenants. If I buy things that need assembly (yes Neecy is” assembly required” disabled) – he puts it together for me. If I need additional things done around my apartment that I would have difficulty doing or that I cannot do myself and would have to call my father or a man to do, he does it. I never asked him to do these things, he just offered one day out of seeing me carrying some items to my apartment. Before he actually started doing things for me, he ALWAYS went out of his way to let me know how nice I looked and always asked if I needed help around my apartment he’d be happy to do it for me.
I know he likes me, b/c he has hinted many times to dinner or going out in very subtle ways. He is a nice guy and I won’t lie its very convenient to be able to have someone that is in close proximity to come and do things around my apartment that I cannot do. so what I have done to keep from being put in an awkward situation is I pay him something everytime he does something for me , although he demands that I do not give him anything for what he does for me and he will often try to hand me the money back. But I feel if I don’t offer him payment for his services eventually if and when that hammer drops, I can feel comfortable in saying I am not interested in him in that way and that I did not use him or lead him on or have him do all these things for me without me reciprocating in some way knowing he likes me.
I also have discovered through conversation with him that other women in the complex have benefited from his services and he has complained to me that he feels “they are using him”. So I see what he is up to and while I do appreciate his help, I will only accept it if I can pay him b/c he is the type of guy that does things for women he is attracted to and then complains later when he doesn’t get anything in return. So I have decided to keep things clean and pay him each and every time he helps me.
The problem is most women do not think like this b/c they are truly unaware of how to handle such things. They really believe its normal for a guy to do things for them even if he isn’t getting anything in return. Even if the woman knows a guy likes her, many still feel its normal for a man who likes a woman to do things for her to show his liking of her. But in these scenarios, usually the man who is doing all of that is the one who rarely gets to first base with a woman and will eventually be friend zoned.
There are a million other stories I could tell from my own experiences and the experiences from friends and female family members who come across unknowing men like this – who think the way to win a woman over is to do all kinds of nice and helpful things for her.
The key here is , guys don’t ever do anything for a woman you are not in a relationship with if you are expecting a return. And ladies if you are presented with a situation where your intuition may be telling you a guy is doing things for you b/c eventually he wants to ask you out and you are not feeling him that way, ALWAYS offer payment for his services or something in return of the same value (No not sex!).
Men, If you do something for a woman you are not intimate with already, understand you should do it from the heart with no expectations or simply do not do it at all unless it’s a strictly platonic thing where the woman is either paying you or giving you something of the same value in return.
THE WESTERN WOMAN’S INTERNAL STRUGGLE
I believe that Western women do struggle with expressing what it really is we love and want in men and will typically go for the obvious “feel good, sound good” bites like “I want a sensitive guy” “I want a nice guy” “I want a romantic guy” but still doesn’t know how to mention the other qualities that would balance that kind of guy out and make her rawly attracted to him. I don’t really blame men for not knowing either, but I do wish more men would learn to read nonverbal cues from women b/c it would save them a lot of heartache and unwanted romantic gestures. (next post will discuss women and our forms of indirect communication and non verbal cues that men tend to ignore – stay tuned)
What American women *SAY* they are attracted to in most men is not raw attraction but more so TAUGHT ideals that women *should* want and seek in men. I’m not saying that women don’t want a guy that pursues her or does romantic things for her. But she only wants that from a guy she already has the same level of sexual or intimate interest in. If its not a guy she has interest in, that spoils the image and idea of romance she has in her head – which is a bad thing b/c anything that sours a woman’s imagination of something good is NOT good and you will feel the wrath! lol
Basically all these feminist and white knighting romantic movies have done is create a big mosh pit of bullshit in the relationship arena about what really makes women tick and how men should behave in the SMP when trying to get a woman.