Everyone has their own definitions on what makes a quality mate. Some even make these insane long lists on what traits and things they want specifically in a man or woman. Of course that list usually gets shortened once a person realizes that, uuuuh, yeah that number 5 requirement that they be *BORN* naturally and completely hairless in all the wrong places and with hair in all the right places (on top of the head ONLY) prolly aint going to get you closer to that potential guy or gal.
But if one is realistic they can find themselves closer to what makes a person a really good companion. Of course when you live in a generation of people who are shallow or Batshit, it makes it harder to get closer to that guy or gal that would be an almost perfect fit.
As we can all see in today’s generation – anything goes when it comes to choosing a partner. We live in such a superficial era and time where people are often basing judgments on someone’s value on things like how they look and if they have the perfect body, height and measurements. We are in a media culture in which “REALITY” TV has taken over the airwaves and has presented itself as “reality”. So we see reality stars with perfect teeth, boobs, muscles, hair, lifestyles and think that they are living the average person’s life b/c it’s “reality” and so called “unscripted”. Sorry having a camera follow you around doing stupid shit does not constitute reality! Anyway, I digress… where was I?
In most of modern media culture when we see the “perfect” relationships it’s usually the people who look the best, have the most money, most popular are used as some kind of measuring stick to determine what makes a person valuable.
Also we live in a time of paranoia when it comes to love and relationships and both men and women often skimp on the most important things needed in a partner to have a great relationship out of fear of being alone. Things typically avoided and/or not even considered like:
— Is the person
SANE NOT BATSHIT CRAZY
— Is the person KIND
— Is the person well rounded
— Easy to get along with
— Without baggage
— Drama free
— Of good character
Instead the focus is always FIRST and many times ONLY on:
— Looks and looks ONLY
— Are they tall enough
— Do they have the perfect measurements
— Do they have the perfect job
— Are their boobs big enough
— Is their ass small/big enough
— Is their chest and shoulders broad enough
I could go on.
DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR
Too many people today don’t truly know their own real SMP value and where they fit in – that is b/c they typically are overestimating it to sometimes RIDONKEYLOUS degrees.
A lot of people demand in a partner what they themselves are not. Example. I had a friend who at one point was overweight. A guy on the job who was about the same weight as her and who was not physically fit liked her. She liked a guy who was very cut up and very fit and muscular. That guy likes women who were in physical fitness shape like himself. The fat guy around her weight asks her out one day and she turns him down. We speak on the phone and she sounds aggravated at the fat guy asking her out b/c “she is just not attracted to fat men”. She goes onto say that fit bodied man doesn’t seem to have an interest in her as she has shown a great deal of interest in him. So I ask her why she feels she can judge a man who has the same problem as her (being overweight)? I also asked her what makes her think that she deserves a “fit” man when she herself is not “fit”? UH OH! Well needless to say she got pissed and upset b/c I basically told her she cannot demand what she isn’t herself. And dammit Neecy will always be right when it comes to this!
That mentality is not one that plagued just this former friend – it plagues more people than the law should allow! Mostly average people who think they should just be able to snatch up any highly above average person while looking down on their equally average counterparts. I’m not sure if there is a name for this unfortunate delusional disease but I call it the “GETHAFUKOUTTAHERE! YOU CAN’T BE FOR REALZ???” disease.
Ladies and gentlemen, there is nothing wrong with dreaming, fantasies, and delusions of grandeur as long as they stay in your head while you are sleeping and lying on a pillow or daydreaming at work. But once you start trying to apply those delusions of grandeur in your personal life, it’s time to REFLECT on REALITY. This is not to say that one should not think highly of themselves. But thinking highly of yourself should always be kept in perspective. Often times we overestimate our potential if we don’t stay realistic on other factors that would make us highly appealing to top notch persons.
The reality is A lot of people will grossly overestimate their value OR know they are not on the same level of what they seek and still feel entitled to get who and what they want – just b/c. SOWWY don’t work that way! Some will hold out until that day (that will never come), some actively pursue those way out of their leagues to disappointing results, and some keep hoping, wishing and praying they can land a super high value partner while they are still at mediocre level. Sometimes a person may “luck up” and manage to snag some higher value partner with mostly disasterous results which usually are:
— they get used b/c they are obviously desperate and lower on the scale and willing to accept less than stellar behavior and character from the higher value partner
— they will end up with crazies and lunatics and try to overlook the obvious b/c of their shallow issues
— Will keep getting dumped and/or ending up in dead end relationships all the time
Those just to name a few.
WATER SEEKS ITS OWN LEVEL – AND SHOULD!
In Neecy’s world (talk about delusions of grandeur eh? HA!), the ideal pairing is LIKE with LIKE. My philosophy is drive within your lane. There is nothing wrong with reaching for the stars in education, your career, physical fitness, in Mars, doing a hobby, task etc. But sorry in the mating game, if you are not on the same level of what you reach for, then you really need to re-evaluate what it is that makes you believe you are deserving of the best when you, yourself may not be the best. Of course I am not just talking about looks. I am talking about what one is bringing to the table in general.
If you are jobless, have missing teeth, lazy, fat, smelly and you are seeking a partner that is well put together in almost every aspect, then sorry you are not “deserving” of that person just b/c you want that.
If people were more realistic about what they were bringing to the table when it comes to their SMV in the SMP and what they could get realistically in a partner, there would be a lot more happy people in good *SOLID* relationships.
But nowadays everyone wants to keep up with the “perfect ideal mate” joneses and thus why people either:
(1) End up in consistent dead end relationships
(2) Being used
(3) In relationships that are full of drama
(4) End up with crazies or lunatics who abuse them
ONE SIZE FITS ALL – Should only apply to trouser socks and knee high panty hose. NOT people
Often times men and women take a One Size Fits All approach to the opposite sex and their value. While there may be certain generalities that can apply to the sexes, once you start living by them, you become focused solely on generalities and not the individual person. There is no “ALL” of anything. People need to start recognizing people as individuals. While it’s okay to look at certain characteristics a person may have and determine if it will work out for you in the long run that are fine. But if you just assume and jump to conclusions that a “certain type” of man or woman is best while all others aren’t, you will find yourself limited when it comes to finding the quality person you say you want.
WHAT MAKES A QUALITY MATE AND QUALITY RELATIONSHIP?
I think that it does take time these days to find quality people for long-term relationships b/c everyone is all about quick, fast and easy. Impatience in the new patience. But if a person is realistic about what they want in a mate, I think eventually they will succeed in finding a quality person for a lasting relationship if that is what they are seeking and if they are of quality themselves.
NEECY’S *REALISTIC* One Size Fits All Approach to finding the best quality partner
— Attraction & Maturity
Attraction & Maturity go hand in hand. Maturity is about being reasonable. Attraction is not COMPLEEETLY about looks. It is about looks but not completely or wholly. You can be Attracted to a person and their looks may or may not be the only thing completing that attraction. It could be that something in the way they walk, talk, their conversational style, charmingness or other things that have going for them that you connect with or find appealing. Basically attraction to me is a coupling of external and internal factors working together to make you want to be with a person– it’s not just based on ONE factor of the internal or external.
Let’s face reality, if you look at a person and cannot imagine intimacy with them, you cannot force that and shouldn’t. You have to be able to see yourself waking up every morning to that face, giving them oral sex, and having hot monkey sex with them on a regular basis. Can you picture that with said potential partner? NO? Keep it moving cause it almost never comes later. If you cannot see yourself romantically with someone, it’s best to avoid if you want to have a healthy and happy quality relationship. BUT the caveat to that is, often times people are too overly particular about looks and there were things they could have compromised on and still have been attracted to the person but didn’t b/c they expected 90-100% perfection.
But if you are a reasonable and mature person, If the external comes up a *little* short you have internal qualities that you will look to that can make the person more attractive. But, if a person has HIGH un realistic or too shallow expectations on external factors, they will often not find themselves in quality relationships. Maturity is KEY for a person to be able to see that attraction is not solely on a person’s looks although it may play a greater portion at first.
— Similar interests/goals.
This is a huge problem (especially in dead marriages and LTR’s) that is hardly ever applied as a general intial rule of thumb after passing the physical attraciton stage – eople getting together and not being compatible in terms of their common goals and interests. These persons may have had solely physical attraction with nothing else and thought physical attraction alone would carry the relationship and/or marriage. NOT! If you are one looking for ONS or just temporary flings, that stuff doesn’t matter. But if you are looking for LTR and/or marriage it matters GREATLY. Physical attraction is only an initial trigger on whether you want to move to the next step with that person. It should not be used as a measuring rod on whether the person will make a good partner over the long haul.
As those initial feel good infatuation feelings start to subside (it will in mostly all cases) the two people in that relationship better have something else to look forward to in terms of each other and to keep the interest level high at all times. People need to start communicating more about what the expectations are for a relationship they are entering.
Is one person religious or spiritual and the other person not? Will this pose a problem later? Does one person want kids and the other doesn’t? Does one person want marriage and the other person doesn’t? Does one person smoke and the other person disgusted with smoking? Does one partner like to travel and the other not? Does one partner like outdoorsy activities and the other person doesn’t? Does one person like to bathe and the other doesn’t? Does one partner prefer living in hotter regions and the other in more colder regions? All these are important things that need to be discussed early and even before entering into a committed relationship. There are many other things that should be discussed but that covers just a couple basics. If you don’t have basic common goals and interests, consider yourself in a STR that will end once the infatuation period has died down.
— Avoid Physical Nazis.
Physical Nazis should definitely be avoided for LTR’s or marriage b/c physical things don’t last forever over the long haul. People who are focused greatly on looks are better suited for STR’s and/or not serious relationships at all. That way they can continue the chase for the perfect looking partner at all times without hurting someone. Looks eventually fade and there are always better looking people. A person stuck on looks or who places high value on looks alone is a high risk partner for LTR’s and marriage b/c of that. That is b/c they are typically never satisfied on a physical level. A person solely focused on looks will always see better looking people and feel they can replace their current mate with a better looking person. They are constantly looking to upgrade. As soon as a better looking potential comes along, they are out the door if they have the ability to do so. It wouldn’t take much to tempt them into the arms of another person who was better looking than their current partner.
On the flip side a person that places great emphasis on two pronged attraction (internal AND external) will most likely stick it out with a person who they are at least attracted to romantically but places greater importance on other things they bring to the table once they get to know and love them as a person with more qualities than their looks. That way if some better looking individual comes along, they will most likely not dump their current partner solely b/c they had an opportunity to upgrade and be with a better looking person who may or may not be compatible. As long as their current partner is able to maintain some level of attractiveness to their standards, they will stick it out for the long haul. With that also comes the idea that people should always seek to maintain their level of attractiveness for their mate b/c the external is HALF of the equation.
— Mental and emotional health.
Very important. Of course people cannot help if they are mentally ill or have severe emotional damage. But it’s not another person’s responsibility to have to take up that person’s issues and problems. If you are a relatively healthy person emotionally and mentally, being with a person with compromised emotional and mental health will pose a problem later down the road. Sometimes future problems that can become so severe they can ruin the emotionally and mentally sane person’s life. Water needs to seek its own level – especially in these cases.
A person with childhood issues, trauma (emotional) and/or mental diseases should not be with a person who doesn’t share those same problems. It’s a major burden on the healthier person. Healthy people need to seek healthy people for relationships. That’s the only way for things to work. Emotionally unhealthy or traumatized people need to be with others who have had the same kind of experiences and who have overcome them and who could understand them in some way. No one owes it to anyone to have to take on their burdens in a relationship. So I say avoid people with too many issues, drama, baggage, trauma, mental diseases, childhood problems they are still plagued by and not working through. All it will do is pose problems later down the line. It may sound cold but it is what it is. Too many times do I see emotionally healthy people ruined b/c they voluntarily involved themselves with a crazy or lunatic when they should have and could have been avoided altogether. If a person clearly involves themselves with an individual that has clear signs of crazy or emotional and mental instability, then they get what they ask for.
I am sure there are some I left out so feel free to add. The point is, quality is about more than the external. If you say you want a QUALITY partner you better have a two pronged approach and not just one leaning on how hot they are. When we think about quality of things or when we make a purchase for a quality item, we expect it to last longer and hold up better b/c of its quality. But the cost is much higher to obtain a quality item and that quality item has to be taken care of and treated well for it to maintain its level of value. The same needs to be applied in relationships. Quality is about lasting forever. It’s not fickle, shallow or cheap frills – if that is what you are looking for, look away from the relationship direction and focus on flings, hook ups, and one night stands. All of which are OK if that is what a person truly prefers and wants in their life. Just be honest with yourself though. I have much more respect for a person who lives the latter life than one who says they want the former (quality relationship) and they are not doing the things or having the expectations for achieving it.
Marinate & Discuss