FLIRTING WHILE COMMITTED
A lot of people have many ideas about flirting. Some think its healthy others think it’s useful in the right predicament and situation and some people despise it. I tend to feel flirting is healthy as long as no one is being hurt or made to feel like they have to compete for someone who is already with them in a relationship.
COMPETING FOR SOMEONE WHO IS ALREADY SUPPOSEDLY “YOURS” IN A LTR
I have noticed that there are a lot of insecure men and women out there who use flirting as a measuring stick to determine their value or desirability. As well, these same individuals also use flirting as a way to make their SO’s feel equally insecure and constantly feeling as if they could easily lose that person b/c the other party is constantly seeking to show that he or she has the ability to “move on” to greener pastures if they chose. They show this by constantly opening themselves up to other attractive persons of the opposite sex in front of their already SO’s. The only people who fall for this line of *thinking* are IDIOTS.
No man or woman with half a brain will suddenly buy into this idea that their partners constant flirting with others in front of them is proving how desirable they are. All it proves is that they have little to no concern for the feelings of the person they are in a committed relationship with.
Nowadays people flirt with others for shits and giggles. That means that just b/c someone is flirting with you doesn’t always means they really have an interest. Sometimes a certain setting simply calls for people being openly flirtatious with others even if they have no real interest. And many times outsiders who flirt with those already taken are not doing it b/c they really DESIRE that taken person necessarily, but many times they are doing it from a self-satisfaction standpoint to see if they can simply cause a man or woman to do the ultimate swipe to their SO by flirting back with them.
Hence once the ego is fed, the person has no more use for the idiot in the LTR thinking they are proving something to their partner by being a dickhead or biatch trying to put their partners on the spot in an awkward and negative manner. Anyone basing their self-worth on people flirting with them is equally stupid and lacking insight. Also, any guys who have tried this with me get laughed at and tossed aside b/c game playing and manipulation by desperation is not my thing.
I think it’s piggish and severe insecurity that makes a person feel they have to “keep their partners on their toes ” by using flirting as a way to do so. If a person has to keep their partner on their toes by flirting with other individuals in front of them, then it’s very telling that the flirting partner is insecure in their relationship and doesn’t have what it takes to maintain a relationship in a healthy and ethical manner without using manipulative tactics to keep someone (who is also obviously equally insecure if they put up with this behavior)around.
A person who truly has all the options in the world doesn’t need to flaunt it. It’s already noted just by the response they receive from others. I have been with or around guys who have to do NOTHING to get positive responses from women. They do not even need to flirt back. It’s already noted their desirability simply by how others are drawn to them. They do not need to go out of their way to openly flirt with others of the opposite sex to “prove” they are desirable to others.
Also, a person who lacks concern for the feelings of their partner is a loser who doesn’t deserve a healthy partner and rather should be with an equally pathetic ego seeking desperate for outside approval person where they both can go out and play stupid manipulative games with each other to see who can get the most flirts or do the most flirting in a public setting to prove how “desirable” they are. *All i can do is LOL at the mindset Of some people!*
Any person who allows themselves to be treated with such disdain and disrespect by an insecure partner gets what they deserve if they believe in any way that their partner’s consistent outright flirting with other individuals of the opposite sex in front of them shows their desirability. All it really shows is they are DESPERATE to prove something and that they are testing you! Relationships should not be tests. If you find yourself with someone who is constantly trying to “test” you once you are in a relationship, then it’s time to definitely move on b/c that person truly has issues and cannot seem to resolve their own internal issues with themselves and their value without dragging someone else through the mud to validate themselves.
FLIRTING FOR THE SINGLE GUY/GAL
Flirting is a wonderful tool for single people to use to gain and attract interest in someone they have an interest in. It’s a great Segway and temperature reading to know if the person you are attracted to is also attracted to you and whether you should pursue or not. It can also be very fun and create a lot of sexual tension in a good way when done in the right way. I am very pro flirting in the SMP if you are looking to meet a SO or just looking to meet people based on what you mission or goal is whether that be – hooking up or finding a LTR or simply having a multitude of STR’s. Either way flirting is healthy between men and women and should be used in the RIGHT predicament – the “RIGHT” predicament is *NOT* when you are already in a committed relationship with someone else!
If you constantly need approval from the opposite sex on your “desirability” then why the fuk would you even enter into a relationship? If your partner’s validation of being with you isn’t enough, then you need to not be in a relationship or with that person b/c their attraction to you is not enough to your satisfaction.
FANNING THE FLIRTING FLAMES OF FLOOSIES (yes this includes male floozies)
As I previously said, if you are in a relationship, YET still need others approval on your desirability through flirting then just recognize you are not relationship material. The point of being in a committed relationship with someone and making the DECISION to do so, is supposed to say that you are content with being with one person and having that one person’s attention and affection. People who are not satisfied with the approval of the person they CHOSE to be in a relationship with, should simply avoid LTR’s! It’s that simple. Ok so a person cannot help if they are in a relationship and finds that others are attracted to them and seek to initiate flirting or showing interest. That is not the problem per se.
There are a lot of bold, insecure and simply selfish people out there today who do not respect other people’s relationships and partners. They (usually women) will often go out of their way to prove they are desirable by flirting with someone else’s man right in front of them. Often times it’s done for a competitive edge and for ego building. Either way it doesn’t matter what SOMEONE else is doing b/c that cannot be controlled to a certain degree – it’s always left up to your partner to show no interest in feeding into that. Yes it’s flattering to be desirable to others whether you are in a relationship or not. But it should not reach levels of outright feeding unless you are the kind of person who depends on others validation to feel completely desirable to your partner. The problem is when a person who is in a relationship feeds into other people who are flirting with them who know they are in a relationship or even better knowing their SO is standing right there with them. It is the job of the person in the relationship to halt that in some manner if their partner is being put in an awkward situation.
NO NEED TO BE GHETTO, LOUD AND OBNOXIOUS
This does not mean that one has to get ghetto loud and obnoxious and tell someone “STOP FLIRTING WITH ME YOU DUMB MOFO OR YOU DUMB BIATCH! DON’T YOU SEE MY WIFE/HUSBAND/GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND IS STANDING RIGHT HERE!?”
Nope not necessary at all. All a person has to do is not respond to it. You can still be nice and cordial to a person who is flirting with you in front of your SO without being rude and send out the signal or sign that you are with someone. I have seen people do a number of things to let a person know they are taken and not down for making their partner feel awkward. Some will just smile and end the conversation or interaction once it becomes clear the person is crossing that line and disrespecting their partner by being overtly flirtatious. Others will mention something in conversation about their SO in a subtle yet telling way to let the other person know it’s not that kind of party. And some will outright tell the other party that while they are flattered by their attention, they are there with someone or are in a relationship. There are so many things a person can do to fan the flirting flames of some male or female floosy without making a scene or being rude. You can still be friendly and nice and still look out for your partner’s best interest.
People who do not do this are self focused only and should be dumped immediately b/c they are not interested in their partners feelings. I find there are two types of people who handle flirting from other men and women in two different ways.
As a woman, the man I am with will be number 2 and never a number 1. I don’t need some insecure dood whose self-worth lies in other women flirting with him while simultaneously taking a jab and disrespecting his g/f or SO or wife. If he isn’t secure enough in our relationship to know that I am with him based on my own desire of him and not what others think of him, then he needs to bounce and remain single.
Guy/Gal #1: Eats it up. Their self-worth and ego suddenly implodes to the size of the Atlantic Ocean when other attractive members of the opposite sex are around and are openly flirting with them in front of their partners. Their self-worth solely depends on OTHERS APPROVAL and not their partners. They are not secure in their committed relationships and obviously feel a lacking somewhere within. They believe b/c of that LACK that at any given time their partner will leave or lose interest. As a result, they use others outside of the relationship as a way to fill or “correct” what they feel they are lacking and hope that this will seal some sort of idea in their partners mind that they are super desirable with a boatload of options.
People who play this game have little to no regard for the feelings of their partners and they also have a very unhealthy way of seeking to maintain their desirability and relationships. The only way they can feel they can keep a partner interested in them is by showing that they can openly flirt with others as if that proves something.
GUY/GAL #2: They aren’t moved by flirtatious others of the opposite sex. Usually b/c they are so used to it and it really means nothing to them b/c they are happy in their relationships. People who respond in this matter to flirting while in a LTR are people who truly are secure with the options they have and are secure in the fact they know they are bringing everything they need to the table with their SO thus, not feeling the need to “keep them on their toes” by making them angry, insecure or feeling awkward b/c they are putting them in a position to feel that way by their response to others of the opposite sex.
I have dated both types of guys in the past and I can honestly say I am glad there are still men out there who no matter how hot or beautiful a woman is, once they make the decision to be in a committed relationship with someone nothing can pull him out of that or make him feel he needs to constantly “TEST” his partner b/c he within himself is happy with what he is bringing to the table (and what his partner is bringing to the table).
A more *TRADITIONAL* Alpha or monkey in the middle type is able to handle female attention towards him in a non chalant manner and not be so moved buy it b/c he knows deep down that if he wants to move onto greener pasture he will without all the game playing and manipulation tactics. Guys and girls with options who have made a conscious decision to be in a LTR will often subtly and nicely fan the flirting flames of male and female floozies. It becomes a win-win for all parties involved. The flirting floozies won’t feel completely kicked to the curb, the SO will be happy they are with someone who respects their feelings, and the center of attention can feel confident that he/she made everyone feel happy in a scenario that could have gotten really really ugly.
Guys or girls who relish in creating tension between their SO’s, themselves and outsiders in public settings by feeding into an already awkward and tension filled situation are troublemakers of the worst kind! They should always be avoided or dumped upon seeing their need for starting and creating drama where there doesn’t need to be any.
Guys and girls like number 1 are to be avoided by healthy mature people. These kinds of persons are constantly seeking validation AND DRAMA at the expense of their SO’s feelings and no person in their right mind would view that behavior as DESIRABLE or making their SO look more desirable. In fact they look stupid, desperate and lacking.
As a woman I would suggest to other women who find themselves constantly in these scenarios to allow your man to handle the situation. If he chooses to play along and think it’s cute to have you in an awkward situation while he is feeding the egos of disrespectful floozies testing your resolve then toss his sorry insecure drama seeking ass aside. He is not worth your time nor energy in the long haul.
Fellas if you are with a woman that is constantly trying to prove her desirability to you by flirting with other men or responding to men who are openly flirting with her in front of you, drop the biatch like a bad habit (she is a bad habit) b/c there is nothing worse in the world than an insecure woman (or man) in a LTR needing and seeking validation from others.
People if you are not sure your partner likes you enough without the use of others as a tool to test their desire of you, or if you feel the only way you can keep your partner around is by doing stupid shit like flirting with other people in front of them constantly, then you need help and definitely need to stay out of LTR’s!
Remember: people with REAL OPTIONS do not need to prove it, b/c it will be noticed without them even trying. Game playing and manipulation by flirting to keep your partner interested in you is for the birds!