FLIRTING BY WAY OF MANIPULATION AND GAME PLAYING

FLIRTING WHILE COMMITTED

 

A lot of people have many ideas about flirting. Some think its healthy others think it’s useful in the right predicament and situation and some people despise it. I tend to feel flirting is healthy as long as no one is being hurt or made to feel like they have to compete for someone who is already with them in a relationship.

 

COMPETING FOR SOMEONE WHO IS ALREADY SUPPOSEDLY “YOURS” IN A LTR

 

I have noticed that there are a lot of insecure men and women out there who use flirting as a measuring stick to determine their value or desirability. As well, these same individuals also use flirting as a way to make their SO’s feel equally insecure and constantly feeling as if they could easily lose that person b/c the other party is constantly seeking to show that he or she has the ability to “move on” to greener pastures if they chose. They show this by constantly opening themselves up to other attractive persons of the opposite sex in front of their already SO’s. The only people who fall for this line of *thinking* are IDIOTS.

 

 No man or woman with half a brain will suddenly buy into this idea that their partners constant flirting with others in front of them is proving how desirable they are. All it proves is that they have little to no concern for the feelings of the person they are in a committed relationship with.

 

 Nowadays people flirt with others for shits and giggles. That means that just b/c someone is flirting with you doesn’t always means they really have an interest. Sometimes a certain setting simply calls for people being openly flirtatious with others even if they have no real interest. And many times outsiders who flirt with those already taken are not doing it b/c they really DESIRE that taken person necessarily, but many times they are doing it from a self-satisfaction standpoint to see if they can simply cause a man or woman to do the ultimate swipe to their SO by flirting back with them.

 

Hence once the ego is fed, the person has no more use for the idiot in the LTR thinking they are proving something to their partner by being a dickhead or biatch trying to put their partners on the spot in an awkward and negative manner. Anyone basing their self-worth on people flirting with them is equally stupid and lacking insight. Also, any guys who have tried this with me get laughed at and tossed aside b/c game playing and manipulation by desperation is not my thing.

 

I think it’s piggish and severe insecurity that makes a person feel they have to “keep their partners on their toes ” by using flirting as a way to do so. If a person has to keep their partner on their toes by flirting with other individuals in front of them, then it’s very telling that the flirting partner is insecure in their relationship and doesn’t have what it takes to maintain a relationship in a healthy and ethical manner without using manipulative tactics to keep someone (who is also obviously equally insecure if they put up with this behavior)around.

 

 A person who truly has all the options in the world doesn’t need to flaunt it. It’s already noted just by the response they receive from others. I have been with or around guys who have to do NOTHING to get positive responses from women. They do not even need to flirt back. It’s already noted their desirability simply by how others are drawn to them. They do not need to go out of their way to openly flirt with others of the opposite sex to “prove” they are desirable to others.

 

Also, a person who lacks concern for the feelings of their partner is a loser who doesn’t deserve a healthy partner and rather should be with an equally pathetic ego seeking desperate for outside approval person where they both can go out and play stupid manipulative games with each other to see who can get the most flirts or do the most flirting in a public setting to prove how “desirable” they are. *All i can do is LOL at the mindset Of some people!*

 

Any person who allows themselves to be treated with such disdain and disrespect by an insecure partner gets what they deserve if they believe in any way that their partner’s consistent outright flirting with other individuals of the opposite sex in front of them shows their desirability. All it really shows is they are DESPERATE to prove something and that they are testing you! Relationships should not be tests. If you find yourself with someone who is constantly trying to “test” you once you are in a relationship, then it’s time to definitely move on b/c that person truly has issues and cannot seem to resolve their own internal issues with themselves and their value without dragging someone else through the mud to validate themselves.

 

FLIRTING FOR THE SINGLE GUY/GAL

 

Flirting is a wonderful tool for single people to use to gain and attract interest in someone they have an interest in. It’s a great Segway and temperature reading to know if the person you are attracted to is also attracted to you and whether you should pursue or not. It can also be very fun and create a lot of sexual tension in a good way when done in the right way. I am very pro flirting in the SMP if you are looking to meet a SO or just looking to meet people based on what you mission or goal is whether that be – hooking up or finding a LTR or simply having a multitude of STR’s. Either way flirting is healthy between men and women and should be used in the RIGHT predicament – the “RIGHT” predicament is *NOT* when you are already in a committed relationship with someone else!

 

If you constantly need approval from the opposite sex on your “desirability” then why the fuk would you even enter into a relationship? If your partner’s validation of being with you isn’t enough, then you need to not be in a relationship or with that person b/c their attraction to you is not enough to your satisfaction.

 

FANNING THE FLIRTING FLAMES OF FLOOSIES (yes this includes male floozies)

 

As I previously said, if you are in a relationship, YET still need others approval on your desirability through flirting then just recognize you are not relationship material. The point of being in a committed relationship with someone and making the DECISION to do so, is supposed to say that you are content with being with one person and having that one person’s attention and affection. People who are not satisfied with the approval of the person they CHOSE to be in a relationship with, should simply avoid LTR’s! It’s that simple. Ok so a person cannot help if they are in a relationship and finds that others are attracted to them and seek to initiate flirting or showing interest. That is not the problem per se.

 

There are a lot of bold, insecure and simply selfish people out there today who do not respect other people’s relationships and partners. They (usually women) will often go out of their way to prove they are desirable by flirting with someone else’s man right in front of them. Often times it’s done for a competitive edge and for ego building. Either way it doesn’t matter what SOMEONE else is doing b/c that cannot be controlled to a certain degree – it’s always left up to your partner to show no interest in feeding into that. Yes it’s flattering to be desirable to others whether you are in a relationship or not. But it should not reach levels of outright feeding unless you are the kind of person who depends on others validation to feel completely desirable to your partner. The problem is when a person who is in a relationship feeds into other people who are flirting with them who know they are in a relationship or even better knowing their SO is standing right there with them. It is the job of the person in the relationship to halt that in some manner if their partner is being put in an awkward situation.

 

 NO NEED TO BE GHETTO, LOUD AND OBNOXIOUS

 

This does not mean that one has to get ghetto loud and obnoxious and tell someone “STOP FLIRTING WITH ME YOU DUMB MOFO OR YOU DUMB BIATCH! DON’T YOU SEE MY WIFE/HUSBAND/GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND IS STANDING RIGHT HERE!?”

 

Nope not necessary at all. All a person has to do is not respond to it. You can still be nice and cordial to a person who is flirting with you in front of your SO without being rude and send out the signal or sign that you are with someone. I have seen people do a number of things to let a person know they are taken and not down for making their partner feel awkward. Some will just smile and end the conversation or interaction once it becomes clear the person is crossing that line and disrespecting their partner by being overtly flirtatious. Others will mention something in conversation about their SO in a subtle yet telling way to let the other person know it’s not that kind of party. And some will outright tell the other party that while they are flattered by their attention, they are there with someone or are in a relationship. There are so many things a person can do to fan the flirting flames of some male or female floosy without making a scene or being rude. You can still be friendly and nice and still look out for your partner’s best interest.

 

People who do not do this are self focused only and should be dumped immediately b/c they are not interested in their partners feelings. I find there are two types of people who handle flirting from other men and women in two different ways.

 

As a woman, the man I am with will be number 2 and never a number 1. I don’t need some insecure dood whose self-worth lies in other women flirting with him while simultaneously taking a jab and disrespecting his g/f or SO or wife. If he isn’t secure enough in our relationship to know that I am with him based on my own desire of him and not what others think of him, then he needs to bounce and remain single.

 

Guy/Gal #1: Eats it up. Their self-worth and ego suddenly implodes to the size of the Atlantic Ocean when other attractive members of the opposite sex are around and are openly flirting with them in front of their partners. Their self-worth solely depends on OTHERS APPROVAL and not their partners. They are not secure in their committed relationships and obviously feel a lacking somewhere within. They believe b/c of that LACK that at any given time their partner will leave or lose interest. As a result, they use others outside of the relationship as a way to fill or “correct” what they feel they are lacking and hope that this will seal some sort of idea in their partners mind that they are super desirable with a boatload of options.

 

People who play this game have little to no regard for the feelings of their partners and they also have a very unhealthy way of seeking to maintain their desirability and relationships. The only way they can feel they can keep a partner interested in them is by showing that they can openly flirt with others as if that proves something.

 

GUY/GAL #2: They aren’t moved by flirtatious others of the opposite sex. Usually b/c they are so used to it and it really means nothing to them b/c they are happy in their relationships. People who respond in this matter to flirting while in a LTR are people who truly are secure with the options they have and are secure in the fact they know they are bringing everything they need to the table with their SO thus, not feeling the need to “keep them on their toes” by making them angry, insecure or feeling awkward b/c they are putting them in a position to feel that way by their response to others of the opposite sex.

 

I have dated both types of guys in the past and I can honestly say I am glad there are still men out there who no matter how hot or beautiful a woman is, once they make the decision to be in a committed relationship with someone nothing can pull him out of that or make him feel he needs to constantly “TEST” his partner b/c he within himself is happy with what he is bringing to the table (and what his partner is bringing to the table).

 

A more *TRADITIONAL* Alpha or monkey in the middle type is able to handle female attention towards him in a non chalant manner and not be so moved buy it b/c he knows deep down that if he wants to move onto greener pasture he will without all the game playing and manipulation tactics. Guys and girls with options who have made a conscious decision to be in a LTR will often subtly and nicely fan the flirting flames of male and female floozies. It becomes a win-win for all parties involved. The flirting floozies won’t feel completely kicked to the curb, the SO will be happy they are with someone who respects their feelings, and the center of attention can feel confident that he/she made everyone feel happy in a scenario that could have gotten really really ugly.

 

Guys or girls who relish in creating tension between their SO’s, themselves and outsiders in public settings by feeding into an already awkward and tension filled situation are troublemakers of the worst kind! They should always be avoided or dumped upon seeing their need for starting and creating drama where there doesn’t need to be any.

 

Guys and girls like number 1 are to be avoided by healthy mature people. These kinds of persons are constantly seeking validation AND DRAMA at the expense of their SO’s feelings and no person in their right mind would view that behavior as DESIRABLE or making their SO look more desirable. In fact they look stupid, desperate and lacking.

 

 As a woman I would suggest to other women who find themselves constantly in these scenarios to allow your man to handle the situation. If he chooses to play along and think it’s cute to have you in an awkward situation while he is feeding the egos of disrespectful floozies testing your resolve then toss his sorry insecure drama seeking ass aside. He is not worth your time nor energy in the long haul.

 

Fellas if you are with a woman that is constantly trying to prove her desirability to you by flirting with other men or responding to men who are openly flirting with her in front of you, drop the biatch like a bad habit (she is a bad habit) b/c there is nothing worse in the world than an insecure woman (or man) in a LTR needing and seeking validation from others.

 

People if you are not sure your partner likes you enough without the use of others as a tool to test their desire of you, or if you feel the only way you can keep your partner around is by doing stupid shit like flirting with other people in front of them constantly, then you need help and definitely need to stay out of LTR’s!

 

Remember: people with REAL OPTIONS do not need to prove it, b/c it will be noticed without them even trying. Game playing and manipulation by flirting to keep your partner interested in you is for the birds!

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91 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Neecy
    Mar 19, 2012 @ 11:25:53

    OMERTA WROTE in previous thread

    men shouldn’t openly flirt w/ other women, but they shouldn’t discourage women flirting w/ them either.

    If you’re a man in demand you’re gonna get women flirting with you – there’s nothing wrong with engaging these women in a little small talk just to be polite. But at the same time it’s a DHV.

    SW even tries to blame her father’s charisma on his motherless upbringing. That’s a load of feminist shaming crap. If you’re gonna be in any kind of relationship w/ a charismatic person, you’re gonna have to fight a little for that person’s attention. It is what it is.

    Sorry Neece, but I’m on Rollo’s side here. As a man, I’ve seen it all to damn well that his perspective here is the one that’s on point, not hers.

    So you are also okay with this same mindset when it comes to women in relationships? That they should not discourage men from openly flirting with them while they are with their b/f’s or husbands? I find men are quite okay with other women being flirtatious with them and they respond by being “nice” yet don’t feel the same when their g/f’s or wives are doing the same thing with other attractive males.

    I do agree that no one needs to be rude or obnoxious when put in that situation and yes it is flattering to some degree to have attractive people show interest. but when it gets to a point where your partner is put in an awkward situation that *CAN* get ugly (depending on your partners personality) then I feel all that nice stuff is bullshit.

    You can be cordial and also fan the flames of other people hwo are being disrespectful to your g/f, wife, husband or b/f without causing a scene or being mean.

    Too many men think its a game to flirt with other women who respond to them in front of their g/f’s. no secure woman is going to put up with that nonsense.

    Like I said in the post. the problem is not that your partner is desirabel to others who openly flirt with them. The problem comes in YOUR PARTENRS response to the situation. For instance, I am not the type of g/f who would say anything or get all loud or fight ready if I see my man or other women flirting. In fact, I will just sit back and take note and shake my head and know that his and my time as partners has expired. no one has time for silly games and insecure selfish partners being inconsiderate of thier SO’s feelings.

    I look at how my man responds. if he is eating it up and welcoming it then as far as I am concerned he can keep it moving and so will i towards the next man who isnt so affected by female attention. ANyone that caught up in the opposite sex attention in my eyes is a person who doesn’t get it very often.

    no one should have to compete for someone already in a committed relationship with them. If a person is not satisfied with the validation thier partner gives them, then they need to be with someone else or not in a relationship at all.

    I am not going to VYE for attention from a man (with other women) that has consciously made the choice to be in a committed LTR with me. he made that choice I didn’t force him. if he is not happy with that choice, then keep it moving and spare me all the bullshit games.

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    • Omerta327
      Mar 19, 2012 @ 11:35:39

      A more *TRADITIONAL* Alpha or monkey in the middle type is able to handle female attention towards him in a non chalant manner and not be so moved buy it b/c he knows deep down that if he wants to move onto greener pasture he will without all the game playing and manipulation tactics. Guys and girls with options who have made a conscious decision to be in a LTR will often subtly and nicely fan the flirting flames of male and female floozies. It becomes a win-win for all parties involved.

      This is EXACTLY my point Neece.
      Gotta go to work. I’ll discuss this further tomorrow.

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  2. Mark Slater
    Mar 19, 2012 @ 16:06:03

    Me: “So, baby; this is some nice weather we’re having.”
    Her: “Yeah, my boyfriend likes weather.”

    That is usually how far I get with flirting.

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  3. Omerta327
    Mar 20, 2012 @ 06:24:37

    Neece: “A person who truly has all the options in the world doesn’t need to flaunt it. It’s already noted just by the response they receive from others. I have been with or around guys who have to do NOTHING to get positive responses from women. They do not even need to flirt back. It’s already noted their desirability simply by how others are drawn to them.”

    “GUY/GAL #2: They aren’t moved by flirtatious others of the opposite sex. Usually b/c they are so used to it and it really means nothing to them b/c they are happy in their relationships. People who respond in this matter to flirting while in a LTR are people who truly are secure with the options they have and are secure in the fact they know they are bringing everything they need to the table with their SO…”

    You claim to agree with SW’s post, but that’s 3 paragraphs in your post I’ve found now where you totally agree with Rollo’s (and my) point. As Rollo puts it, it’s about playing along with casual flirtations and not being an AW about it. It’s about having enough inner game where you appreciate the external validation, but you don’t need it.

    Susan Walsh’s post is shyte. There are so many holes in her argument I don’t even know where to start. She’s a dope.

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    • Neecy
      Mar 20, 2012 @ 09:22:37

      Omerta,

      Actually I don’t agree with yours or Rollo’s b/c it’s still coming from a self-centered perspective. Not once did you mention protecting the best interests of your partner in these kinds of situations. Maybe b/c that is the first thing I am thinking – not about how my inner game or validation or DHV is being fed. the first thing I think about in a setting where men may be crossing the line and putting a guy I am with in an awkward situation is REMOVING myself from that situation and clearly sending a signal (by removing myself) that I am with someone and I am NOT interested. No i am may blatantly say this, by nicely and cordially removing myself and/or acknowledging my partner in some way is looking out for the best interest of the person I claim to love or care about and not just my own EGO. And I am certainly not thinking I want instill ANXIETY in my partner. What kind of shit is that?

      Also, Rollo is coming from a perspective that a man should play along with flirtations to cause anxiety within your SO. What kind of effed up thinking is this?!

      SW is saying that women should recognize that any man who is flirting with other women to create or cause some sort of anxiety should be avoided and women should not put up with that and I AGREE.

      I am not saying that a taken man should “play along” with flirting at all. I am saying that he needs to handle the situation thinking more about how his partner is being put in an awkward position and NOT how it’s helping his inner game, DHV and anything else. This mindset is NOT for a man who is in a LTR and more for a man who is single and looking for casual hook ups. There are many other ways a man in a LTR can DHV with his partner than doing the obvious and most childish thing out there trying to create drama – flirting with other women? Come on! Seriously? So there are NO OTHER ways a man in a LTR can DHV to his partner other than making them feel pissed off or awkward by him feeding into skanks who are openly flirting with him? Unbelivable.

      The point i ma making is, a man CAN handle flirtations with women in the right way while maintaining his partners best interest. A man is NOT maintaining or keeping his partners best interest in mind if he is simply looking to feed his own internal game or individual ego OR if he has ulterior motives of playing along with flirty women to instill anxiety in his partner. IMO that is a really sick way of thinking.

      If you love someone and care about someone why on earth would you want to instill anxiety and “fear” in them to cause jealousy? That is so beyond childish and insecure!

      The point is the partner in the relationship is responsible for handling situations like this not solely for the benefits of THEMSELVES but their partner. A man in a LTR who truly respects and has unselfish motives will tell women who are overtly crossing the line and being overly flirtatious in front of his partner in so many ways that he is happy and taken or he will quickly and nicely REMOVE (no not PLAY ALONG) himself from that situation sending the signal he is NOT interested. If a man in a LTR cannot do that, then he should not be in a LTR with anyone.

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      • Omerta327
        Mar 20, 2012 @ 10:42:01

        How does one protect the best interests of their partner in these situations? Simple. By not focusing on or getting overly interactive w/ the flirtation. You can be accepting and appreciative of such attention without getting wrapped up in it.

        That’s where inner game comes in. If you’ve got that core confidence, you don’t focus on or get caught up in such adulation because you don’t need the external validation – you’ve got internal validation. That external validation comes kind of as a by-product. You don’t look for it – it finds you. A man or woman with this core being can always smile and appreciate a little flirting but then politely brush it off and continue to focus on their SO. Did I really have to spell that out for you?

        “A man is NOT maintaining or keeping his partners best interest in mind if he is simply looking to feed his own internal game or individual ego…”

        Once again, inner game doesn’t need to be fed. That’s why it’s INNER game. It’s already IN you.

        Now if someone is being overly flirtatious, well then yeah, the line has to be drawn. But that’s never been mine nor Rollo’s point here. The point is to be cool about it. If I’m out with a girl and I get some outside flirtation coming my way and I deal with it in a casual, cool manner, then what’s the harm? I got the DHV, which I wasn’t looking for but is nice anyway, and moved along. If I handle the situation correctly and the girl still gets that anxiety, well then that’s not my problem.

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        • Neecy
          Mar 20, 2012 @ 19:57:48

          I can get with this. Its just this idea that flirting should be done as a way to instill some sort of insecurity or anger in your partner that bothers me. Its like is this what relatoinships have come to today? People trying to instill fear and dread in their SO’s?

          I don’t have a problem with flirting as long as it doesn’t cross a line and become disrespectful to people. I also don’t have a problem with a guy I am with being attractive to other women who are flirting with him and him responding in a pleasant manner. As long as the motive is not to try to start shit or create some tension filled situation its fine.

          But i find there are many insecure people out there in relationships and they are very sinister and do things to stir their partner in negative ways. that is really pathetic.

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          • Sophia
            Mar 20, 2012 @ 20:01:22

            In that case, I see your point.

            A man who is into making his woman feel insecure by being too forward with other women (if he knew that was a button he could push) is not much of a man in my eyes. I don’t think much of women who do the same to their bfs/husbands as well but the use of social manipulation as a demoralizing tactic seems worse when used by a man.

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            • Neecy
              Mar 20, 2012 @ 20:30:46

              Yes Sophia it is worse when used by a man b/c women are often pitted against each other for desirability purposes. Men are aware of this and some of the lesser of men will use these tactics to get back at thier SO’s or to *try* to create tension and anxiety in their partners.

              I don’t and never have gotten caught up in my buttons being pushed with jealousy and being overly insecure about my man and other women. if i feel a man is trying to purposley set me off, then I simply stop dealing with him. i am not gonna make a fool of myself by acting out and making myself look like a jealous insecure idiot like so many women do when their b/f’s or hubbies are doing things in public with other women to push their buttons. But i am also not going to put up with blatant flirting that i feel has crossed the line either. i feel there is a level of respect that a couple should have for each other in these instances and if one crosses the line, for me, Neecy, that is grounds for ending that relationship.

              But the whole point of Susan’s post was not the fact that flirting is bad or sinister. She was pointing out that women should beware of men who use flirting as a tactic to instill some sort of anxiety or fear of losing them.

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  4. n/a
    Mar 20, 2012 @ 12:34:25

    Neecy,

    Welcome back.–

    You’re missing something about the idea of flirting to “keep someone on their toes.”

    It’s easy to miss, because it’s a paradox. And that paradox is this: women LOVE being “kept on their toes.” They respond *sexually* to these little hints, threats and incitements from their man.

    It assures them — deep down 😉 — that their man is a desirable catch, and it keeps them from that most fatal of all tingle-silencers: boredom.

    ***********

    A lot of “flirting” is too subtle and fluid for words. It goes on, always, and often at a level below consciousness, and definitely below language.

    The kind of thing you’re talking about is *way too obvious.* What you’re talking about is more like *punishment.* “Flirting” that is so obvious and reckless is like an extension of a fight between members of a couple.

    A wise man keeps his women just a little unsteady — not to be cruel, but to keep things interesting. This is the reality of the sexual game.

    Romantic love and sexual ecstasy are precious things that come at great cost. It is impossible to take away the bitterness that is always a part of every bliss.–

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    • Neecy
      Mar 20, 2012 @ 20:06:29

      HI N/A!

      yes I agree that women like to be kept on their toes but certainly not in ways that make them feel their partner is trying to create trouble or purposley cause a negative reaction or feeling within. its just childish the way some people view how they should run their relationships with all these crazy manipulative tactics.

      I dated a guy like this (for a short time and then dropped him like a hot potatoe once I started seeing what he was up to). He was so obviously trying to make me jealous it was actually funny. i would just laugh b/c it was clear to me what he was doing. but then i am very intuitive and can see things that maybe some other women wouldn’t be able to see through and would allow to get to them.

      Flirting is a healthy action between men and women. I enjoy flirting and i know that just b/c one is in a relationship doesn’t mean that flirting comes to an abrupt end and it shouldn’t. but it should never be done with ulterioir motives to make your partner jelaous b/c then its about somehting more than just flirting.

      nowadays flirting can get to a point where it crosses the line and causes tension between a couple. if a person has their partners best interest they would never want to put them in a situation that is tense and could make them upset.

      i have seen some men purposley go out of thier ways to look and stare down other women or talk to other women in overtly flirtatious ways while with thier wives or G/F’s and i think its utterly tacky and immature and reeks of insecurity on the guys part.

      I have also seen women who test their b/f’s or hsubands when out by being overly flirty with attractive guys and trying to make thier SO jealous.

      People just need to grow up already! I

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  5. Sophia
    Mar 20, 2012 @ 14:18:03

    What is defined as flirting, first of all? I recall being at parties and events where I would be engaged in very interesting (non-flirtatious) conversation with a man and out of nowhere his wife and/or gf would come running and hang on to his arm, which was just was embarassing for everyone but especially for her. I know it’s unfair but it really irks me when women display their insecurities in public like that.

    Similarly, I don’t recall any ex of mine flirting to make me jealous. I don’t mind when my man is talking to other women and being charming…I like being with a confident man like that.

    This whole business of making your partner feel insecure and on their toes though…I don’t sign up to that. If I honestly felt my partner has a propensity for a wandering eye the anxiety and insecurity would lead me to sever ties. I have dated a few of those men but refused to get into relationships with them once their character was revealed.

    Maybe because I was not raised in a North American environment, but flirting does not bother me. In my community, where the institute of marriage is very strong and relationships are serious, something as flimsy as flirting will not upset the foundations of matrimony, especially if flirting is as harmless as chatting and joking around with another person of the opposite sex.

    I recall my father sending off my mother to parties with the husband of her friend cause my father and my mom’s friend hated staying late at parties whereas my mother and the husband were social butterflies. In another instance, my aunt sent off her husband to stay for a month with her best friend in another country while he was looking for a job. No jealousy and/or suspicious. Mind you, each of these couples were married for at least a decade but I know this behaviour would not happen to equivalently married Canadian or American couples.

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    • Neecy
      Mar 20, 2012 @ 20:20:14

      Hey Sophia! Welcome back my sister 😀

      Well flirting can be a number of things. As N/A pointed it it doesn’t have to be obvious. Flirting can be displayed in very subtle non communicative ways (i.e. eyes, body language, tone, conversation, etc).

      i don’t think flirting is or should be a problem with a couple if there is trust and a true security in the relationship. However, there are men and women who go out of their ways to make their partner jealous or to feel insecure by openly flirting with other people of the opposite sex OR they allow others to flirt with them to the point it starts to cross a line and cause tension.

      Yes women who are so insecure when another woman is talking ot their man and runs up to hold onto him are pathetic or who throw you dirty looks and all you may be doing is having a striclty platonic friendly conversation. And the ones who get all loud and crazy are the worse!

      But on the flip side there are some truly disrespectful women and men out there who blatantly ignore the fact that someone has a SO that is next to them or with them and they seek to create a tense filled situation to feed their egos. i don’t even get bothered by women like that as long as my partner does not feed into their game.

      I am the type that will sit back and watch and see how my partner handles women coming onto him or being flirty. If I feel he is the type of guy who is not one to try to play games then i will feel confident that he will handle the situation int he right way and always have my best interest. i won’t even go over to him or other women as I believe that trust is key in a relationship and I believe people should not be smothered. There is nothing worse than an insecure jealous and insecure partner!

      But there is also nothing worse than a partner who is always trying to cause tension in thier relationships by bluntly doing things to try to make htier partner upset or jealous.

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      • Sophia
        Mar 20, 2012 @ 21:06:07

        Thanks Neece! Glad this blog up and hopping again 🙂

        Although I recall several instances of chicks scooting over and hanging onto their man’s arm possessively, I’ve thankfully never had any woman get loud and crazy with for chatting with her man!!! I probably would sink through the floor!

        I’m like you as well in terms of reacting to inappropriate and disrespectful flirting. I’d hang back to see how he handles it. If he doesn’t handle it appropriately, then I’d talk to him in private about it.

        I was thinking, trying to recall if I know of anyone in my social circles who used flirting as a manipulation tactic and I’m thinking I know way too many steady, drama-free people cause I cannot recall one incident.

        Actually, scratch that. I know the wife of a former co-worker of mine who would hang out with us at social occasions and be incredibly inappropriate with the men at these events. She crossed the line from flirtation to something outright scandalous though so I’m not sure she even counts, i.e. sitting on other co-worker’s laps and putting her arms around their necks, unbuttoning her jeans to show me and a group of men her lower pelvic tattoo while her husband smiled tightly, etc. I genuinely thought she might have had a mental disorder of some kind. To no one surprise, they got divorced after several years of marriage.

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        • Neecy
          Mar 20, 2012 @ 21:25:26

          LOL SOphia all i can say is WOOOOOOOW to your co worker. She defintiley had issues. That is why flirting can get to a point where its no longer fun or comfy for ANYONE once it crosses a certain line. And for many people flirting can mean many different things. She may have actually believed she was innocently being fun loving with everyone when in fact her husband could have been extremely uncomfortable with the way she was acting.

          And yes women should never get fussy and go off on other women. i believe its best to allow your man to handle the situation b/c that is when it works out best. And like you said if he doesn;t handle it to your liking, then you can discuss it with him later and in private – not openly at that particular setting.

          All it does when a woman starts acting crazy when other women are around her man, is make that woman look batshit and possesive and utterly crazy and insecure. In fact, it even encourages some of the more aggressive types to be more overlty flirty just to push your buttons.

          I find when other women see you are not moved by them blatantly flirting with your SO they will eventually back off b/c they can’t get a rise out of you.

          As you said, it is flattering to have a SO that others are drawn too. But that flattery goes out the window when your SO plays along with it to the point they make you look stupid (i.e your co workers husband) lol. I have seen this happen to people and i feel bad for the woman or man whose partners is using them as a pawn to their own self centered ego.

          Also, i find what drives a lot of women to find your man desirable is how desirable his woman is. if you are pretty or well put together, other women automatically see him as high value and want to be in his prescence. Women in relationships need to understand this too. that sometimes, its more about you than him.

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  6. zorroprimo
    Mar 20, 2012 @ 16:51:51

    Fiinnnnaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllyyyyy!

    Life without Neecy totally sucks hot sweaty donkey balls.

    WELCOME BACK, BLOGMISTRESS!

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    • Neecy
      Mar 20, 2012 @ 20:22:06

      HEY ZORRO PRIMO!! I missed you so much! I missed talking with you guys and chatting. I really did. its just when you are so busy with a lot of things all happening at once it’s really hard to commit yourself to having a full discussion on a blog. I probably should have taken an official “blogcation” just so you all wouldn’t have felt left hanging :(.

      But I am glad ot be back in the saddle !!! 😉

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  7. Sophia
    Mar 20, 2012 @ 22:24:48

    @N A

    You mentioned this earlier on:

    “It assures them — deep down — that their man is a desirable catch, and it keeps them from that most fatal of all tingle-silencers: boredom.”

    It triggered a memory of a conversation I had with a couple of friends, all of us knowing one another from grad school and all of us either first-generation or immigrants from all over the world but primarily Asia, Africa and Eastern Europe. We were discussing a mutual friend of ours, a gorgeous, intelligent, cosmopolitan friend from Croatia. She was in the process of divorcing her equally compatible husband.

    Her reason? “We grew apart”.

    In hindsight, in light of your comment, he probably bored her.

    I recall there was silence as we absorbed the statement. We all looked at one another and one girl said “No Indian woman would ever divorce her husband for that.” The rest of us, all either immigrants or first-generation, agreed.

    I think boredom is to be expected at certain points in a relationship, especially the longer it is. But why do some people throw in the towel fast? Are there cultural factors associated with this? Attention span issues? Are they scared they will be bored forever? What about if you have kids? At least, the Croatian girl did not have children. I wonder if she would have proceeded with the divorce if she did. I think likely not, as children are a game-changer.

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    • Neecy
      Mar 21, 2012 @ 08:57:05

      I think sometimes when someone says “we grew apart” they really did. Most of the time i think its a lack of commication or even sex or just doing things they once did oftena nd enjoyed which they are no longer doing – which can lead to boredom. I find that a lot of people (men especially) get comfortable once they are married and stop doing things to keep their wives feeling good. They don’t pay them any attention, never compliment them anymore etc.

      Also when the communication stops its very hard to keep a relationship going.

      Those are the tasks of being in a LTR. You definitley always need to be conscious of keeping your partner interested and the communication lines should always be open.

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      • n/a
        Mar 21, 2012 @ 11:50:30

        Neecy,

        The truth is that the main task of an “LTR” should probably be what it has always been until very recently: the raising of children.

        Don’t really see much point to “LTRs” without marriage and children.

        Things like “keeping it fresh,” “lines of communication,” etc., are more appropriate to the very young and those who are still playing at life. None of those things should matter very much when there are children to be raised.

        After all, life is mostly boredom — which is what makes the rare explosion of interest so delightful and precious. But we cannot expect to be continually interested, esp. by a husband or wife. We are spoiled, esp. as Americans, by the expectation of endless interest, distraction and pleasure.

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        • Neecy
          Mar 22, 2012 @ 08:57:51

          I agree that we as people have become fickle and impatent when it comes to relationships and love. but i don’t think LTR’s or marriage should just be about kids only. You are with a person and you want to be happy as well or else your kids will suffer. I think a relationship should be like any friendship in that both people are enhancing each other’s lives in some way or fashion. the problem is people in relationships usually are not friends. if you cannot be a friend to your spouse or partner then yes you will get bored b/c once the sexual and infatuation tension starts subsiding you will need a lot more to kepe your relationship fun and interesting.

          I find there are still a lot of couples who have been together for YEARS (with and some without kids) and the reason they last and remain happy and interested in thier partners is b/c they are truly friends and well as companions.

          i think this is very important for relationships to have longevity in which both people are still excited and interested in their partners.

          I think that kids are only the icing ont he cake ot a very healthy and great relationship. Happy parents will have happy kids. parents hwo are just going through the motions will rub off on thier children.

          Nowadays a lot of people in relationships never give themselves time to build a friendship b/c they are so quick to sleep with someone and have a relationship based on sexual compatibility alone and nothing more. In these case YES people will grow apart b/c that same sexual tension one has when meeting someone initially will subside over the years or as time goes by. if you have nothing else holding it together then, the “we grew apart” meme will take over.

          At least this is just all my personal opinion.

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          • n/a
            Mar 22, 2012 @ 12:31:07

            Neecy,

            Let me clarify.

            Of course marriage and LTRs can exist without children — but it’s striking how often these marriages/LTR’s will go bust, lacking a purpose that goes beyond the couple and their day-to-day happiness. And that purpose is almost always children.

            It’s rare to see a truly lifelong relationship between a man and a woman that thrives in the absence of children; again, it can happen, but I’ve found it to be quite rare.

            It’s worth noting that *most* of the married/attached women who offer themselves to me are in childless marriages or LTR’s. In the course of rejecting these advances I’ve heard a great deal about why women are so willing to cheat.

            Suffice it to say that without a larger purpose, boredom sets in fast.–

            ************

            Having said this, it’s important to note that one may have relationships that last for a *moderate* amount of time, and can be completely pleasurable.

            And usually these relationships are sexually very enjoyable precisely because there’s no real threat of responsibility.

            Such arrangements are my stock-in-trade, but, then, I’m a confirmed bachelor.

            For now.–

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    • n/a
      Mar 21, 2012 @ 11:41:04

      Sophia,

      Reading posts from you — so feminine and sane — almost makes me regret that I am an inveterate seducer.

      There is no question that your (empty) Croatian friend meant *bored* in the most banal and despicable sense of that term when she tried to excuse herself with the lame: “we grew apart.”

      If she was in fact gorgeous what most likely happened is that she met someone like me and the sound of an unzipped fly was suddenly the only sound she wanted to hear.

      I say someone like me because I have an odd scruple: I *never* fuck married women or women with boyfriends, and, if I feel an overwhelming need for *strange,* I’ll leave the girl before I cheat.

      I mention this only because I refuse to indulge this destructive boredom in desirable women. I have passed up an almost infinite number of wives and girlfriends.

      That fact leaves me feeling very clean even though I am in all other respects a very dirty character. 😉

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      • Sophia
        Mar 26, 2012 @ 16:24:05

        Hey n/a

        Thank you. Very kind of you to say.

        My Croatian friend is actually quite a decent person in all other respect. Perhaps not to her husband but I cut her some slack because she made this decision without impacting any children.

        I’ll admit to being pleasantly surprised when I hear of Casanovas like you not cheating 🙂 but it shows your character which is that of a principled man. Kudos!

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  8. n/a
    Mar 23, 2012 @ 20:19:08

    Did everyone die?

    Neecy, baby, are you still alive?

    Has the zombie apocalypse eaten you all?

    Dang.–

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  9. Sophia
    Mar 26, 2012 @ 16:25:19

    Neecy, looking forward to the new post!

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  10. zorroprimo
    Mar 26, 2012 @ 17:46:40

    “They show this by constantly opening themselves up to other attractive persons of the opposite sex in front of their already SO’s. The only people who fall for this line of *thinking* are IDIOTS.”

    Agreed. And in addition to their intellectual paucity, they have NO CLASS.

    “Nowadays people flirt with others for shits and giggles.”

    Disingenuity writ large. People are becoming more fake and superficial, I suspect, largely because of celebrity whores in the media. Charlie Sheen. Kim K. et al. Attention whores and professional media sluts.

    “Also, any guys who have tried this with me get laughed at and tossed aside b/c game playing and manipulation by desperation is not my thing.”

    Good for you, girl! Don’t take no shit off anybody!

    “I think it’s piggish and severe insecurity that makes a person feel they have to “keep their partners on their toes”

    A Game concept stemming back to Mystery. Jealousy is an arousal emotion in the human female. It correlates to preselection (what another woman wants is desired by other women). It may very well be true on an evolutionary psychology level, but when you plug upbringing and character into the equation, a fully developed woman is wise to avoid an asshole who tries to ply her instinctual emotionality with extra-relational jealousy. Flirt with another woman in a lady’s presence, and a lady will drop you like a bad habit from high school. Prick.

    “A person who truly has all the options in the world doesn’t need to flaunt it. It’s already noted just by the response they receive from others. I have been with or around guys who have to do NOTHING to get positive responses from women. They do not even need to flirt back. It’s already noted their desirability simply by how others are drawn to them. They do not need to go out of their way to openly flirt with others of the opposite sex to “prove” they are desirable to others.”

    Alpha defined!

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  11. Marellus
    Mar 28, 2012 @ 10:15:21

    Neecy.

    I am reading The Art Of Seduction by Robert Greene. What is fascinating is that he identifies more than one type Game player. This blog discusses a few of them. See if you can use this for another blog post. I’ll be honest, I see a lot of The Charmer within me.

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  12. Sophia
    Mar 28, 2012 @ 15:05:30

    So Marellus is in the mold of a Charmer. How about zorro?

    I’ll have to find a summary of the female types and see which one I fit.

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    • zorroprimo
      Mar 28, 2012 @ 17:29:55

      Zorro is in the form of a moose; hence, the photo.

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    • Marellus
      Mar 29, 2012 @ 01:40:03

      Sophia.

      Oh yes, but in your case I’ll make an exception … and don’t ask me what I intend to do with you … because I will tell you … I mean it … 😉

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    • Neecy
      Mar 29, 2012 @ 22:45:16

      Oooh if you find them please let me know, id be interested to see where i fit!

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      • Sophia
        Apr 02, 2012 @ 16:14:39

        So I found this list from this site: http://www.tumblr.com/tagged/the-art-of-seduction?before=1326511155

        I’m not sure how extensive or complete it is. From the descriptions though, I think I’m a Coquette.

        The Various Types of Seducers:

        The Siren – A man is often oppressed by the role he has to play — by always having to be responsible, in control, and rational. The Siren is the ultimate male fantasy figure because she offers a total release from the limitations of his life. In her presence, which is always heightened and sexually charged, the male feels transported to a realm of pure pleasure. In a world where women are often too timid to project such an image, learn to take control of the male libido by embodying his fantasy.

        The Rake – A woman never quite feels desired and appreciated enough. She wants attention, but a man is too often distracted and unresponsive. The Rake is a great female fantasy figure — when he desires a woman, brief though that moment may be, he will go to the ends of the Earth for her. He may be disloyal, dishonest, and amoral, but that only adds to his appeal. Stir a woman’s repressed longings by adapting to the Rake’s mix of danger and pleasure.

        The Ideal Lover – Most people have dreams in their youth that get shattered or worn down with age. They find themselves disappointed by people, events, reality, which cannot match their youthful ideals. Ideal Lovers thrive on people’s broken dreams, which become lifelong fantasies. You long for romance? Adventure? Lofty spiritual communion? The Ideal Lover reflects your fantasy. He or she is an artist in creating the illusion you require. In a world of disenchantment and baseness, there is limitless seductive power in following the path of the Ideal Lover.

        The Dandy – Most of us feel trapped within the limited roles that the world expects us to play. We are insanely attracted to those who are more fluid than we are — those who create their own persona. Dandies excite us because they cannot be categorized, and hint at a freedom we want for ourselves. They play with masculinity and femininity; they fashion their own physical image, which is always startling. Use the power of the Dandy to create an ambiguous alluring presence that stirs repressed desires.

        The Natural – Childhood is the golden paradise we are always consciously or unconsciously trying to re-create. The Natural embodies the longed-for qualities of childhood — spontaneity, sincerity, unpretentiousness. In the presence of Naturals, we feel at ease, caught up in their playful spirit, transported back to that golden age. Adopt the pose of the Natural to neutralize people’s defensiveness and infect them with helpless delight.

        The Coquette – The ability to delay satisfaction is the ultimate art of seduction — while waiting, the victim is held in thrall. Coquettes are the grand master of the game, orchestrating a back and forth movement between hope and frustration. They bait with the premise of reward — the hope of physical pleasure, happiness, fame by association, power — all of which, however, proves elusive; yet this only makes their targets pursue them the more. Imitate the alternating heat and coolness of the Coquette and you will keep the seduced at your heels.

        The Charmer – Charm is seduction without sex. Charmers are consummate manipulators, masking their cleverness by creating a mood of pleasure and comfort. Their method is simple: They deflect attention from themselves and focus it on their target. They understand your spirit, feel your pain, adapt to your moods. In the presence of a Charmer you feel better about yourself. Learn to cast the Charmer’s spell by aiming at people’s primary weaknesses: vanity and self-esteem.

        The Charismatic – Charisma is a presence that excites us. It comes from an inner quality — self-confidence, sexual energy, sense of purpose, contentment, — that most people lack and want. This quality radiates outward, permeating the gestures of Charismatics, making them see extraordinary and superior. They learn to heighten their charisma with a piercing gaze, fiery oratory, an air of mystery. Create the charismatic illusion by radiating intensity while remaining detached.

        The Star – Daily life is harsh, and most of us constantly seek escape from it in fantasies and dreams. Stars feed on this weakness; standing out from others through a distinctive and appealing style, they make us want to watch the. At the same time, they are vague and ethereal, keeping their distance, and letting us imagine more than is there. Their dreamlike quality works on our unconscious. Learn to become an object of fascination by projecting the glittering but elusive presence of the Star.

        The Anti-Seducer – Seducers draw you in by the focused, individualized attention they pay to you. Anti-seducers are the opposite; insecure, self-absorbed, and unable to grasp the psychology of another person, they literally repel. Anti-seducers have no self-awareness, and never realize when they are pestering, imposing, talking too much. Root out anti-seductive qualities in yourself, and recognize them in others — there is no pleasure or profit in dealing with the Anti-Seducer

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  13. Neecy
    Mar 29, 2012 @ 22:49:45

    Everryone i will have you know that your blogstress has taken responsibility for her lack of being organized and. Feeling overwhelmed (hence the abandonment of the blog in the last few weeks) and i have bought 3 self improvement audios to listen to in my car. The first being getting organized from the inside out by julie mortengenstern. I hope this can really help me get more organized to focus on the things important to me and to not get so overwhelmed that i can’t accomplish or finish my goals. Ill let you know how it was!

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    • zorroprimo
      Mar 30, 2012 @ 05:35:53

      Feeling overwhelmed? Too much on your plate?

      Getting Things Done by David Allen!!!!

      I’m halfway through, and it’s AWESOME. This guy has over 20 years of consulting experience with everyone from CEOs, doctors, lawyers and housewives.

      If you want to get on top of all the stuff you gotta do, READ THAT BOOK! It’s already changing my life! Seriously!

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      • Neecy
        Mar 30, 2012 @ 11:00:28

        Really? ok I’m going to check on Amazon to see if it comes in Audio form. Audio is best for me since I am driving in my car most of the day.

        Thanks!!!

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      • Sophia
        Apr 02, 2012 @ 16:00:03

        I think I need this book as well.

        Can you recommend literature to spur motivation? In a bit of a slump right now.

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        • zorroprimo
          Apr 02, 2012 @ 19:54:49

          Spurring motivation is not so easy. One must recognize obligation and duty. And that’s guy stuff.

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        • zorroprimo
          Apr 03, 2012 @ 17:17:28

          Actually, you might get all the motivation you need from that book. There’s a thing in the military called “target confusion.” That’s the phenomenon that occurs when a sniper suddenly sees two or more targets of high value.

          When a person is consciously aware of a number of obligations or projects, their ability to process information slows down considerably because they are experiencing conflicting messages of action-to-benefit (if I do this, I get that out of it) and they collapse when they try to decide what thing off their to-do list is best done right now.

          Allen has a method for enabling a person to focus on what is important and what can be done…all with as little stress as possible.

          Honestly, the book is mind-blowing. I’m furiously taking notes so that I don’t miss a thing!

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          • Sophia
            Apr 04, 2012 @ 17:30:16

            Oh God, that “target confusion” concept perfectly encapsulates what I’m going through now. I’m checking out the book asap. Thanks zorro!

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            • zorroprimo
              Apr 04, 2012 @ 23:22:08

              My pleasure dahling. One’s only desire is to be of service.

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            • zorroprimo
              Apr 05, 2012 @ 14:07:34

              One other thing Sophia: There is a terrific personal productivity software package called Achieve Planner that closely mirrors the “Getting Things Done” way of getting all of your projects under one roof. Read the book first and then download the 30-day free trial of Achieve Planner to see if you like it. The software costs $80, but it’s awesomely cool and can be customized to work exactly as David Allen lays out his model of personal productivity in GTD. I love it, but not as much as I loved the book.

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  14. n/a
    Mar 30, 2012 @ 21:41:58

    Dear Neecy,

    I’m *very* soon to be in places from which, for various reasons, I won’t be posting to the web. Or connecting to the net at all. This will last for a while, months at least.

    I didn’t want to disappear without saying a temporary goodbye to the one girl who, of all the women I’ve encountered purely in pixels, made the strongest impression upon me.

    Take good care of yourself, Neecy baby.–

    Yours,
    n/a

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  15. Neecy
    Mar 30, 2012 @ 23:28:13

    Note to all:

    I’ve decided to change my blog name and address coming up shortly and I’m starting over this blog from scratch with a new focus. I’m not going to announce or post the new info public ally so please be sure I have your updated emails and that you have mine. So be sure to keep my email address neecy101@gmail.com so once I shut this one down I can email invites out with all the new info. I probably will start this move in the next couple of weeks, but I may shut down this blog before that – I haven’t decided yet if I’m going to shit it down before the move.

    I feel it’s time for a new beginning and to leave all the old on this blog behind.

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  16. zorroprimo
    Apr 05, 2012 @ 06:26:22

    Dear Neecy (& anyone who wants to make $$ off a blog):

    This just might be of interest:

    http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2006/05/how-to-make-money-from-your-blog/

    I have a book on commercial blogging, but this guy seems to be doing very well.

    I just might try it someday.

    I kan spel, aftr ahl.

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  17. Neecy
    Apr 05, 2012 @ 08:55:19

    I got maaaaaaaajor food poisoning yesterday and feel like crapola today 😡 😦 . UGH!

    Sorry I have been out had to travel for work last week.

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  18. Marellus
    Apr 11, 2012 @ 09:04:32

    Anyone seen this thread between Heartiste and Maya on <A HREF="http://spq.sagepub.com/content/early/2010/02/16/0190272510361602.abstracthttp://heartiste.wordpress.com/2012/04/09/flirty-quips-to-female-small-talk/#comments“> this thread ?

    Maya

    “… why are smart women more promiscuous than smart men?”

    Smart men are more promiscuous than smart women … Smart women are not promiscuous. But this also depends on how you define ‘smart’.

    [heartiste: you are wrong. you need to acquaint yourself with the latest studies. smart women are not only more promsicuous than smart men, they hold monogamy in less esteem than do dumb women.]

    on April 10, 2012 at 1:30 pm | Reply Maya

    Post links to those latest studies.

    [heartiste: what’s the magic word bitch?]
    on April 10, 2012 at 1:34 pm | Reply Maya

    Wouldn’t you do that for me?

    [heartiste: non sequitur. i’ll ask again:
    what’s the magic word bitch?]

    on April 10, 2012 at 1:47 pm | Reply Maya

    Do you want something in return?

    [heartiste: another non sequitur from our resident bitch troll. to clarify for the studio audience following along: you demanded links to studies. i replied: what’s the magic word bitch? you have yet to answer my question.
    so.
    are you gonna answer my question?
    or are you gonna continue cunting around like an evasive little shit?]

    on April 10, 2012 at 1:53 pm | Reply Maya

    I will answer your question.

    [heartiste: let’s put your honesty to the test then, shall we? one more time:

    what’s the magic word bitch?]

    on April 10, 2012 at 2:04 pm Maya

    I love you.

    [heartiste: that is not the magic word that matters in this context. try again.]

    on April 10, 2012 at 2:19 pm Maya

    Please? 🙂 p.s. You are sure that you don’t want anything in return?

    [heartiste: that’s the magic word.

    “The analyses of the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health (Study 1) and the General Social Surveys (Study 2) show that adolescent and adult intelligence significantly increases adult liberalism, atheism, and men’s (but not women’s) value on sexual exclusivity.”

    on April 10, 2012 at 2:52 pm Maya

    Thanks! But this is only abstract … I don’t know … I thought women in general value sexual exclusivity very highly. Much higher than men. We don’t need sexual variety, we just need one super hot alpha male. I can’t comprehend why smart women would want to have more than one partner … I’m sure there’s something wrong with this study but since I can’t read it I’m not able to comment. Did you read the whole thing or you let this abstract convince you that smart women are more slutty?! So I was right yesterday when I was saying that dumb women might be more attractive? (If they are less slutty …)

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  19. zorroprimo
    Apr 11, 2012 @ 12:19:25

    Roissy does have a nasty edge when he’s in a mood.

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    • Neecy
      Apr 17, 2012 @ 22:50:09

      Yeah he gets really nasty with her often. But he also knows she obviously enjoys it so he is just givign her what he can get away with. UGH at the both of them!

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  20. Sophia
    Apr 12, 2012 @ 15:43:12

    It has been too quiet on this board.

    As for that uncomfortable exchange, why the hell was she continuing engaging with him? That’s downright masochistic on her end. As for him, really, I have no words.

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    • Neecy
      Apr 17, 2012 @ 22:51:48

      I agree Sophia. That exchange was just flat out uncomfy and wrong. But the sad part is i think she enjoys it and I think he knows she is truly dealing with major issues and that no matter how he talks to her she will keep coming back seeking his attention. I don’t get it.

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  21. zorroprimo
    Apr 13, 2012 @ 05:44:24

    I miss Neecy. I don’t know how much longer I can hold my breath. The Internet is a swamp of nasty people, and Neecy was a shining beacon of decency and light and heartfelt fulfillment.

    Can I suck up or can I suck up?

    Still, I am really looking forward to her next blog.

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  22. omerta327
    Apr 17, 2012 @ 07:35:30

    Alright come on. Where the hell is everyone???

    I feel like Chareton Heston in Omega Man.

    Except I’m more of an alpha. 😎

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  23. zorroprimo
    Apr 17, 2012 @ 13:12:58

    Yeah, really.

    This place was an oasis of cerebral stimulation in a sea of Internet mediocrity.

    (Yeah, I know. What pure tosh.)

    HELLOOOOOOO!!! NEEEEEECCCCYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

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  24. MiMi
    Jan 08, 2013 @ 18:23:35

    OMG! Thank you SOOO much for this article. I just recently went through this with two worthless pieces of sh*t–one a boyfriend, and two, my COUSIN! She’s known for, and gets her kicks off of taking people’s man. And in all honesty, I wanted to see what my boyfriend was really made of due to him always accusing me of cheating (RED FLAG), and his past with other girlfriends. So sure enough, we go to a party and rythmn is just flying! This was our first time hanging with her since she became single, and it happened. So, I just played it cool, but peeping out everything all night. Of course he denied everything, and doesn’t remember. So, the next day I called her to ask her about when she acted like he touched her inappropriately, she told me yes. When I called her later that evening with him present, she back peddled– told me, “Oh no, I think It’s just because Im going through a break up. I don’t think he meant anything.” I was so shocked! She changed her story up to save him. Then she invites us over for Thanksgiving, and specifically asked for me to bring “my guy friend”. I dumped him shortly after. She’s a done deal. I don’t even consider her family. I’ll never go through this again. If it ever happens, Im leaving immediately! They’ll be stranded. These type of people are very low leveled!

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    • MiMi
      Jan 08, 2013 @ 19:29:47

      This is MiMi’s addition– And by flirting, so everyone is clear I mean: ) we’re all dancing together–He’s in the middle facing me, my back is to him,and my cousin was to his back, and she felt offended, and had to stop my “boyfriend” from “touching her thigh”, as she told me the next day, but later retracted. 2)She kisses him on the cheek at some point during the evening. 3) She asked my boyfriend and I to kiss in front of her at one point (WEIRD) Then I see his hand on her lower back at one point, and caught him looking at her. 4) I think I remember a sharing of a drink, and then he tried to pass it to me.

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    • Neecy
      Jan 10, 2013 @ 18:52:14

      All I can say is I am SO GLAD you dumped him and your cousin has proven to be untrustworthy as a friend and family. Just because people are family does not mean they will do right by you.

      I had a ex good friend who was like this. There are a LOT of insecure women out there who enjoy this kind of stuff. But thank her that she has shown you what a loser this guy is and the type of person she is.

      I feel when people can betray you even in these kinds of situations, they never really have or HAD your best interest and its best to keep them away from you and out of your life.

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  25. CC
    Feb 25, 2013 @ 14:50:49

    I’m so glad for this thread!!! Thank you for this as it has helped reconfirm that I am not alone in feeling this way.

    My SO is is a “Natural Flirt” especially when drunk and he says that’s just who he is. But all his friends who are the same way are not like this with their wives, fiances or girlfriends. Looking back, all his relationships have ended the same and were always dramatic because of his twisted views on relationships like “flirting is a way for a person in a relationship to confirm that I can get someone else”. I couldn’t disagree anymore because I’m not searching for the approval of men. I love myself and I find guys trying to flatter me with flirting or asking me out. I always say no because I already know what I want and have it. I’ve always made it clear in a polite manner that I’m not interested. Usually I start talking about my boyfriend to drop hints about being unavailable not just because I have an SO, but my BF is on my mind even when being flirted with.

    I told him that he’s insecure and we need to adress that as a problem in our relatioship or he needs to look within himself correct it. He disagrees. The type of flirting that he does will be a hand on the lower back of a girl or touch her arm while saying “Oh my God, me too!” or something similar. He’s had his moments when he doesn’t do it at all and I notice that he does it more when we’ve been fighting. So clearly these are games and manipulation. I can’t believe I have let him get into my head like he did with his prior relationships. It makes me laugh because he plays off being so confident when in reality I see hold insecure he is in trying to get a reaction of the people he dates. I used to think he just chose young and immature girls, but getting to know his exes has validated that he is the immature one that tries to drag good girls down to boost himself up. Time to start planning moving out. I’ve never dealt with this before and the constant in this equations is him, not me! I’m done with this. Check please!!!

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    • Neecy
      Mar 02, 2013 @ 20:14:23

      CC

      Your B/F definitley comes off as what i wrote in the post – HIGHLY INSECURE. I definitley would re think staying in a relationship with this kind of person b/c they are petty. Petty people are always looking to get their self esteem by trying to lower other people’s.

      Get yourself a mature healthy minded man and leave old boy in the dust. Life is too short for game playing.

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      • CC
        Mar 11, 2013 @ 09:07:23

        Thanks Neecy! I kicked him out and we’re living separately for the time being. I’m loving my time alone and doing social activities without him. He finally has admitted his faults and insecurity. He even admitted that pursuing a close relationship with his ex is not needed. It’s been my fault for enabling his behavior, but now I’ve reinforced it. We’ll see how it goes but at this point I’m of the belief that it’s his loss if he decides not to make the most of our relationship.

        He’s realized how much effort I’ve put into our social life instead of being lazy by limiting social acitivity to weekends at the bar. He sees me out having fun doing a variety of different things with a ton of different friends and he’s only got his two loser friends that he drinks beer with at home or goes to bars. He said, “I realized that I don’t have a life.” Well no sh*t, when you limit your social life to chatting up flirty randoms at the bar… you pretty much set yourself for a lonely life. I don’t make any money at all and there are so many free events and activities that I get out doing. Some of my friends are broke too, but our passion for life exceeds our dependence on money and we’re happier than they are with the expensive nights at the bar.

        The one thing that I’ve realized where I could improve is my reaction to him and my availability to him. So now I’m not letting him get to me and when he does something that I’m not happy with… I let him know once and that is all he gets. I’ve also decided to go to Europe next month by myself to help reinforce my independence. I’m beginning to find it comical how he’s back pedaling. Probably because he’s doing anything to get me back, but it will take more than that! I’ll keep you updated.

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        • Neecy
          Mar 13, 2013 @ 23:47:12

          I MA SOOO PROUD OF YOU CC!! That is what you have to do in cases like this in where you partner is insecure and trying to project and push that off onto you. Let them know you will not tolerate it b/c you DON’T NEED TO. Once this message becomes clear he will either move on b/c he knows he can’t get away with playing those childish games with you, or he will improve his behavior and get the picture and start being better relationship material and more mature.

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  26. Ella
    May 23, 2014 @ 20:05:03

    This post is fantastic thankyou!!!!!

    Like

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  27. londonfitnessblog
    May 27, 2014 @ 01:21:09

    I love your comments and your healthy outlook. however, im not a black woman, im a woman who thinks you should mKE your blog about all women regardless of our colour.

    Like

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    • Neecy
      May 27, 2014 @ 21:16:06

      Hi London,

      Thank you for visiting and your kind words. However, I find it a bit insulting for you to suggest I make my blog about “ALL WOMEN” and not just Black. This is the same mentality that caused me to create this blog for Black women. Too many people feel our unique issues as women (Black women) should be ignored and swept under the rug.

      The problem with your mentality is, unfortunately, no one is addressing the concerns of AA women because no one cares. Thus why its easy for you to simply write off everything I have posted on this blogs in regards to the issues BW face and say I should just stop doing that and focus on women.

      SOWWY not gonna happen !!!!!

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  28. simplyme
    May 27, 2014 @ 13:10:56

    @londonfitnessblog…No offense. But, all women do not need a blog such as this one. I am more than sure you can locate other blogs that fit you specific needs.
    You have a nice day.

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  29. mallika melz
    Sep 07, 2015 @ 11:49:59

    i must say your article helped me alot,thank you!!!!my boyfriend intentionally posted pics of some chic on his profile so as to get my attention bt i have been acting like i aint seen nothing, l actually thought we were in goodbooks just the week before we had talked about us settling he got me #confused ..just 1 question though bottling up these emotions is killing me,is oka if i just tell him how childish this is tryna get me jealous!!?

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