WHITE MEN please respond truthfully and honestly on this issue.
I really would like to hear from the horse’s mouth on how you view this issue. If you can make it through this wordy post and actually give me some honest answers to my questions you will receive a prize – tons of good karma tokens of love and appreciation!!!
OK here goes……
So I occasionally will venture to interracial sites focused on Back women dating outside of their race. A topic of contention that comes up often is the online dating issue and Black women. What issue is that?
Well there seems to be (based on numerous live accounts from various Black women) that many Black women get very few profile views and clicks on many sites. I don’t do online dating personally, so I can’t really comment one way or another. There have also been studies done that say basically the same thing. Often times BW have admitted that online dating has been really disheartening b/c when they look at many of the profiles of Non Black men, many will have every race checked except Black. In other words, these men are seeking everything BUT black women.
In my eyes if a Non Black man is interested in meeting or seeking Black women for relationships etc., online dating sites would be the quickest and easiest way b/c it’s as simple as him checking a box to have Black women come up on his searches. IN MY EYES, if a man CONSCIOUSLY removes, unchecks “Black” as a preference, he CLEARLY knows that this is not what he is looking for.
Well recently a guest author posted an experiment she did on an online dating site. She, clearly is a brown skinned non mixed looking Black woman (and attractive). She had been on a particular dating site for awhile and noticed she was receiving very little profile views or messages. Maybe 2-5 a day with her profile listed as being a Black woman.
So she decided to try an experiment to see what would happen if she checked all the racial categories on her profile. So now she is no longer “JUST” Black but rather Black and a host of other races. What she found was very eye opening. That she went from receiving 2-5 profile contacts and views per day to literally tenfold that as a mixed woman. Literally the nest day she had 60 profile views with 27 responses. The only thing she changed was her racial categories to include more races. Her picture still the same as it was when she was simply listed as a Black woman, showed an obviously brown skinned Black woman.
There were Non-black men who otherwise would have never found her (because they had the Black box unchecked) who had actually responded to her profile, even though they did not have Black checked and though she looked Black and unmixed. It seems the idea or label of her being mixed is what brought these men out of the woodworks not necessarily what she looked like. Even after seeing her Black unmixed face, they still had some interest based on what she put down on her racial makeup.
Well the debate began and many of the women felt that the only reason why more Non Black men contacted her and viewed her profile was b/c she came up in more searches based on increasing her racial identity. But THAT MEANS also, that many or all of these men were NOT searching for Black, had no interest in checking that box, and only became interested after she showed up in their searches b/c of other non-black racial categories which they had checked. IOW’s she had to “modify” herself and race to get more responses and hits.
So my point was that, these men were only interested after realizing that she was not simply a “regular” non-mixed Black woman, but after she “exoticized” herself to be mixed they suddenly had an interest – even if her picture clearly showed she was Black and non-mixed looking.
Other argues that this was not the case and it was no harm in a Black woman checking all the racial categories and claiming to be mixed simply if it gets her in front of more Non Black men’s searches.
I disagreed and said that this was LYING and desperate and these men were only interested based on her racial identity not simply being Black b/c they were more interested in a watered down version of Black. Also, that Black women should not seek to be with men who are only interested in them being “mixed” and who would have never sought her out b/c they had clearly not placed Black as a category of interest in their searches.
I feel this is not a healthy route for Black women b/c I feel that if a man wants something in particular he will seek it. The fact is, the White men who are interested in all races including Black, it’s as easy as checking the box to get the profiles of Black women. In my eyes when a man chooses to purposely uncheck a particular racial box, that TO ME, says he isn’t interested in that particular type or race of women.
These women argues with me saying that sometimes men don’t know what they really want until they actually see something or someone who caught his eye that he may have never sought. Others say the reason White and other Non-black men uncheck the Black box is b/c they feel most Black women have no interest in dating interracially, so they don’t even bother to look or seek Black women out.
I SAY that if a man even in face of possibly knowing most Black women don’t date interracially, if he is open and somewhat interested in Black women, him searching the online profiles of Black women who obviously are open to dating other races is very easy and simple for him to do. If he doesn’t make that effort its b/c he is not interested.
I also said that no Black woman should LIE, stretch the truth or start pulling all kinds of admixtures out of their asses to be deemed acceptable and desirable to men online. And that it is simply better to wait for the guys who actually are seeking Black to contact them (even if they only get 2 profile hits a year) than playing into some racial prejudice game to attract men who really weren’t interested in the first place.
Another Black woman did the same exact experiment and the same results. Regular BW = very little responses and views. Mixed up Black woman = a shitload of responses and views – even when the picture clearly showed a Black non mixed looking woman.
Many of these BW are in denial IMO and are saying things like “Well men sometimes think they know what they want until they actually see it”, “that it’s just as simple as a Black woman tricking the computer system by increasing her odds at getting more profile views by claiming races that she really isn’t”. OTHERS chose the let me claim the 1/18 amount of White or Indian I have in my bloodline bc technically that’s not lying about being mixed. All of this seems totally ridiculous and desperate to me.
So let me ask the White men this:
1) Is it as simple as these men may not have known that they “wanted or were interested” in a BW until they actually saw her by chance? OR do men clearly know what they want and if they make a conscious choice to uncheck a particular racial category they are not interested in, b/c that is truly not what they are looking for?
2) Am I making a bigger deal of this than I need to be? Am I reading too deeply into this? Is it really no big deal for a Black women to do whatever necessary to increase her chances of being in front of more men’s eyeballs online by checking racial categories that would garner more results?
3) Should Black women stay Black and proud or mix themselves up for a few dates and profile clicks?
4) What are the odds that a man who was not consciously seeking out a Black woman or woman of a particular race, changing his views and extending himself based on a particular woman’s pic and profile popping up on his search even though he had not searched directly for that particular type of woman?
5) Are men *REALLY* confused about what they want or is it painfully true that men DO in fact know what they want and sometimes for whatever reasons it’s NOT a particular type of woman – be it her race or other factors, and no matter the amount of tricking “computer algorithms” to increase your odds of being in more searches (yes someone actually said that is what this all boils down to and not lying about your racial make-up) is going to change that?
6) Would you see it as a desperate attempt of a BW who CLEARLY looks Black but is claiming all of these racial admixtures to seem more exotic and acceptable to you or men who are more comfy with a watered down Black woman vs. a simply regular black girl even if she looked like a Black woman?
7) What are your thoughts on the success rate Black women would have by doing this (checking all of the racial categories on her profile to come up on more Non lack men’s searches who would not have otherwise seen her b/c they did not have the “Black” box checked for preferences)?
I’m seriously looking for thoughts and real answers on how White male view this since the women kept saying that I cannot speak for White men and why they did or didn’t make certain choices. So I am asking the HORSE to give it to me from the horse’s MOUTH on what is really going on.