VICTIM OR VICTOR – YOU ARE ONE OR THE OTHER

THE VICTIM MENTALITY

 

“I HAD A HORRIBLE PAST AND I WILL ALWAYS SUFFER WITH THIS” 

“I HAD A HORRIBLE CHILDHOOD AND THAT IS WHY I AM WHO I AM” 

“SO AND SO DID THIS TO ME TO MAKE ME THE WAY I AM NOW” 

“I CAN’T *REALLY* CHANGE B/C SO AND SO WON’T LET ME”

”I CAN’T CHANGE B/C OF MY PAST AND HOW IT HAS AFFECTED ME”

 

These are the kinds of “affirmations” people use to have others feel sorry for them and to somehow mentally take the onus off of themselves as individuals to improve their lives.

 

Breaking the victim chain is hard for a lot of people b/c its so much easier to always rely on other things, reasons, situations and people as to why you are “helpless” in your life. It’s a lot easier to keep blaming a bad history or past on the perpetrators who very well may be real, than to work on yourself to overcome the continuance of being the victim – even when the situation is no longer around, viable or even the perpetrators who hurt you no longer exist.

 

Unless you are currently living in some Middle Eastern country where dictatorship exists and you have no power at all, then I don’t care to hear it. If you live in a place where you are able to take control of your own destiny and future and can move freely without being bombed to pieces, and have full capacity to  *your own mentality* and way you see and process things, then save it!

 

This is not to say that one should not look at the pain in their past and use that a way to leverage themselves into a better place. Lets face it  – a past (bad or good) does play a part of the present. But too many people use their past as a CRUTCH to never try improving themselves and changing their frame of mind from the VICTIM MENTALITY to the VICTOR  MENTALITY.

 

Its like people who come from childhoods that weren’t so great. They either had bad relationships with a parent(s) who didn’t;t care about them. Or they were abused in some way. All tragic and unfair things to happen to any child. And yes people are a product of their environments UNTIL a certain age.

 

Once you become an adult and are able to physically remove yourself from those situations that you couldn’t as a child, then it is up TO YOU to get the help you need to overcome the mental and emotional stains that follow from the past. Too many people expect and wait or rely on the monsters of their past to “fix” them since it was they who created that damage. Don’t hold your breath b/c that is not how it works even 99% of the time.

 

Adults are adults b/c they now have the power and means (and experience and mental capacity) often to make the changes in their life they want and to basically live the life they want without having to rely on others.

 

People who continue to use their hard past as a way to “explain” away why they cannot (as ADULTS) improve their lives or why they continue to wallow in DYSFUNCTION as adults are dysfunctional and need to understand that it is only *THEY* who can break that victim cycle of feeling sorry for ones self and actually doing what it takes to make the second half of your life as an adult the life YOU want it to be.

 

You cannot change the past and you cannot change other people or what they did to hurt you. But you can change your way of thinking and living so that you no longer allow those past situations consume you and your adult life (the time when you can actually make a positive difference in your own life).

 

If people or persons in their adult years continue walk around using a not so rosy past as a *HANDICAP* to never self improve, then they will find themselves continuing spiraling down that Black hole of dysfunction which is now SELF INFLICTED and will never come out of it. WHY? because you cannot change the PAST! You cannot change what others did to you in the past! YOU can however, CHANGE YOURSELF and your mentality and SITUATION so that you no longer allow those things to consume your future.

 

LETS TALK BLACK PEOPLE AND SLAVERY

 

PEOPLE – SLAVERY ENDED EONS AGO

 

OK. Slavery in America happened. It sucked. And no we should never forget about it. EVER. But what does “never forgetting about it” mean?….. in a HEALTHY WAY?

 

 

The saying goes – if you don’t know your history you are bound to repeat it. I believe that and I believe that people need to use their history as a way to IMPROVE their lives and enhance their lives from what they maybe possibly were robbed of or were unable to get while in that situation. NOT as a crutch or a pocket excuse to get away with continuous failure and dysfunction and not improving generally as a person or group.

 

I’m just gonna say it – BLACK AMERICANS NEED TO STOP WITH THE SLAVERY EXCUSE already!

 

Especially when its time to pay the piper on owning up to the downright dysfunction that has consumed Black people and culture as a whole!

 

No one of this time or era lived during slavery and better thank your lucky stars you DIDN’T. That also includes the WHite people. NOW, yes we do come from ancestors who were either slaves and yes WHite people still benefit in some ways from the ancestors of their past who made sure WHite supremacy stayed in power with money.

 

BUT at the end of the day slavery is no longer practiced in the UNITED STATES! That means, that the reason i can sit on a brand new Mac computer that I bought with my own hard earned money, the reason why you can get a job, have internet service and basically thrive and be who and all you want to be – that means and says to me slavery is looong over. Our ancestors who were slaves:

 

 

— Couldn’t eat what and when they wanted

 

— Couldn’t come and go as they pleased

 

— Couldn’t live where they wanted

 

— Couldn’t *be* who they wanted

 

— Didn’t receive pay for their work

 

— Were beaten if they did not obey

 

— Couldn’t vote

 

— Couldn’t be educated

 

I can go on.

 

 

My question is:

 

Is there a WHite man with a whip hovering over you yelling like a crazed lunatic calling you N word this and that and forcing you to obey his every command?Are White men keeping you from reading a damn book? Are WHite men keeping Black parents from making EDUCATION a priority in their homes and not just leaving it up to “school officials” to take up all the slack? Are white men forcing Black women and men to pro create out of wedlock? Are WHite men forcing Black men to sell drugs in their communities? Are White men keeping Black men from treating their women like HUMAN BEINGS?

 

 

Can any Black person TODAY say that they can or cannot do those things, make their own decisions, be who they choose to be, live how they want to live, etc?

 

EXACTLLLLY! The point I am making is Black people today are responsible for their own fate.

 

The first thing the slavery holder onto’s point out is that the reason Black people suffer with certain dysfunction’s today is b/c of the *effects* of slavery. M’kay. Slavery happened damn near 800 or more years ago. How in the hail can there still be “effects” of slavery from dang near thousand of years ago UNLESS – Black people are passing down the same old negative BS from generation to generation???

 

Yeah that is what is happening. instead of breaking the chain, you have generations of generations of Blacks passing down that “woe is us the black people cause we were slaves” as an EXCUSE to never be held accountable for anything negative that they do in America – including our own dysfunction and shitty behavior and ways of living and doing.

 

“BLACK MEN WERE THE ONLY SLAVES”

 

*SIGH* I really love it when Black women and Black men alike loooove to go on and on about why Black men can’t get ahead, why they are such crappy excuses for men etc. Why they ”don’t really like Black women”.

 

And its ALWAYS because of SOME WHITE MAN. Some WHITE MAN in a suit. That means for every Black man there is a WHite “MASTER” in a suit hovering over him with a whip and a gun forcing him to be the way he is and make the choices he is making.  Black men are not responsible for the way they think and act b/c of slavery and how its has messed them up. Black men are not responsible for their shitty dysfunctional behavior and treatment towards their women and children b/c of the “WHite male slave master” hovering over them 24/7 causing them to be helpless and forcing them to obey his every command – including but not limited to:

 

— Abusing and mistreating Black women

 

— Terrorizing their own communities, women and children

 

— Abandoning their duties as men and fathers of their communities and children

 

— Selfishly only looking out for each other and their own best interests

 

— Not seeking education

 

— Being the majority in prisons

 

I can go on….

 

Oh and let’s not forget the fact that people also seem to forget that Black women were *GASP* also SLAVES during that time. WHAT NEECY?? You mean to tell me Black women were also affected by slavery tooo and not just Black men????

 

Where is that “slack” for the Black women who were subjected to slavery? Never mind we don’t need it!

 

I am so utterly SICK of the constant excuse ridden slavery bullshit – especially when it comes to “protecting” dysfunction in the Black community and with Black men I can scream!

 

BLACK WOMEN BETTER GET WITH THE PROGRAM – AND QUICK

 

If you’re re a Black woman tied to slavery excuses for why Black men are for the most part crappy men, then please do us all (especially young Black girls and children) a favor and walk off a cliff. I’m serious. because YOU are part of the bigger problem on why things will never improve – especially for BLACK CHILDREN.

 

AT this point I don’t care about what decisions silly adults make. but i do care about innocent Black children who have no real say in their situations and who are becoming apart of a vicious cycle of VICTIM mentality DYSFUNCTION SELFISH ridden Black people (ADULTS) who are not creating better quality of life for Black women, girls and children b/c they are  so caught up in blaming, complaining and being a “helpless” victim.

 

As long as some Black woman is walking around telling Black men and everyone “it aint your fault for why you have chosen to be a loser, why you have chosen to not be a father to your kids, why you continue to abuse and terrorize the women and children in your own communities, why you continue to take Black culture on the downward spiral that it is, why you continue to do crime and make up more than half of the prison population” Black men and people will NEVER improve b/c they will never see it as their own FAULT as to why they are in the situations they are in.

 

 

And when you do not see anything as your own doing but the doing of others, you continue shitty dysfunctional behavior b/c you feel that the only thing that can *CHANGE* you is OTHER PEOPLE (i.e. DA WHITE MAN) “causing” you to be who you are and do what you do.

 

The problem with Black males is they TRULY do not see themselves as the problem. They believe everything is the result of what the WHITE MAN is or has done. And they receive that validation from STUPID Black women who keep spewing that CRAP in their ears and to the world!

 

So yes, Black women you’re re part of the problem if you continue making excuses for why Black men treat YOU, YOUR CHILDREN, YOUR COMMUNITIES like 10 day old garbage.

 

 

 

OUR BLACK ANCESTORS OF THE PAST WERE THE VICTORS!

 

You wanna talk about slavery? lets talk about how even in the MIDST and post era of slavery Black people seemed to have it well together. Black people had thriving communities. Were somehow able to educate themselves even when they were legally kept from being educated. How they had stable families and fathers and men who protected their kids, raised them and taught them RIGHT FROM WRONG. How the women were treated as women and were not subjected to expletives such as “bitches and hoes”.

 

My oh my how they managed to overcome AND THRIVE LIKE NORMAL CITIZENS AND HUMAN BEINGS in the face of some serious adversary!  DURING  and post slavery.

 

This is the thing we should be focusing on when it comes to slavery. How well our ancestors did to make our lives better. How they didn’t lay down and complain about their situation and managed to pull themselves up by the bootstraps and make shit happen so that WE ungrateful AND LAZY African Americans of today can have the lives and quality of life we have compared to what they had!

 

Instead of looking to the positive to encourage us today when we may face some adversary – we look at all the negatives and want to use that as reasons why TODAY we can’t “make it” or “do this” b/c we are being “held back”  and why we act like dysfunctional FOOLS in society – allllllllllllllllllllll because of WHite supremacy or WHite men in power.  NOT because of OURSELVES!

 

Yet no one wants to talk about how we even MADE IT  to where we are today – because that would  mean  you cannot be a victim and would have to RECOGNIZE the strides made by our ancestors when they barely had pots to piss in and were being treated INHUMANLEY. We are here today as Blacks with the freedom to make our own best or bad choices, to live and give our children and communities the best quality of life, and we throw it all away b/c we are to LAZY to improve ourselves and too UNGRATEFUL to look at past Blacks who paved the way through some really tough times.

 

NO MORE EXCUSES. SLAVERY IS NO LONGER A VIABLE EXCUSE FOR ANY BLACK PERSON TODAY FOR ANYTHING!

 

YOUR PAST IS NO LONGER A VIABLE EXCUSE FOR WHY YOU CONTINUE TO DEAL IN DYSFUNCTION IF YOU ARE A FREE WILLED AND BODIES ADULT.

 

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

 

 

 

 

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69 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. ttmatthe
    Oct 31, 2012 @ 20:30:26

    Don’t mind me, just over here “amening” from the highest mountain tops. o/

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    • Neecy
      Oct 31, 2012 @ 21:51:11

      LOL I love that term “AMENING”!! Def gonna use that more.

      I’m not trying to downplay racism or the obvious reality that Blacks do face some adversary being a minority. But I think a lot of it is waay to overplayed as to why we cannot succeed.

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  2. omerta327
    Oct 31, 2012 @ 21:16:30

    Gotta ask. WHy do you always spell “white” with a capital “w” AND a capital “h”? Its obviously no accident.

    As for the whole victim mentality thing, Ill elaborate more on that when I can post from my computer again. Typing on my kindle is kind of a pain in the ass.

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    • Neecy
      Oct 31, 2012 @ 21:49:52

      HAHA!! Thats a stupid typing thing I have that spell check doesn’t seem to correct.

      I also naturally seem to type “THIER” instead of “THEIR”, “ADN/NAD” instead of “AND” “OWMEN” instead of “WOMEN” “BKLC” instead of “BLACK”. “WHite” instead of “WHITE”

      LOL those are most of my common spell check corrections because my fingers just seem to type the words that way.

      And looking forward to you iput!

      BTW is it very cold out there?

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  3. omerta327
    Nov 01, 2012 @ 08:23:14

    Alright! Everything’s back on now.

    You’re right about the whole using the “victim” excuse as a crutch. I’ve come across a lot of people who have troubled pasts / presents who just kind of wallow in it and think “That’s just how it is.”

    These people don’t realise that their can improve their lives 10x if they just make a few simple changes. But they don’t want to make changes – just excuses. There’s a saying for people like this – there are no victims, only volunteers.

    Now, there are people who have had some really traumatic, fvcked up shit happen to them in their lives, thru no fault of their own, that leaves them scarred. They may want to move on from those traumas and try their best to do so, but their scars just run too deep. Sure, as an adult you have the power to physically remove yourself from a troubled past, but mentally removing yourself is a whole different ball game.

    As for the whole slavery thing, my great great grandparents didn’t show up on these shores til around 1890, so I’ve got no ties to that. All I know is that is any black person ever were to demand “reperations” for slavery from me, I”ma tell ’em to &@^^@%#&@^(@)((@)!!! [NEECY: Sorry had to edit that].

    Is the whole story of slavery and the history of that sort of black / white struggle still emphasized in the black community? If it is, I guess it’s just kind of a ‘shared heritage’ thing. I’m not gonna pretend I know the answer to that.

    And no, it’s actually pretty nice up here. The sun’s out, it’ll be upper 50’s today, mid 40’s tonight – pretty normal for Nov 1st. All the NY channels have been going almost non-stop Sandy coverage for the last 4 days. There are some areas of New Jersey, Queens, Brooklyn, Staten Island and Long Island that are absolutely devastated. NJ gas stations are running dry. NYC’s mass transit system is just starting to get going again after being totally shut down for 3-4 days. It’s insane.

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    • Neecy
      Nov 01, 2012 @ 21:06:38

      Omertà I agree that there are people who have deal with some insane crazy stuff in their lives and they will NEVER fully recover from what has happened b/c the scars run so deep. But I do feel they should seek out all of the help they can get to finally take their power back and to no longer give it to their perpetrators.

      Because unfortunately in society adults are going to be given so much empathy and sympathy before people expect them to do something about their situations.

      I think it is always best for adults who have a painful past to break the cycle and understand there are so many forms of help out there. Take their power back by helping themselves deal with the aftermath.

      But constantly playing the victim even in spite of a horrible childhood or past will get tiring to the average person b/c people are aware that there is help and therapy that can improve tier situations.

      Slavery used to be a topic of discussion in Black households of the past as a way to teach their kids and family the adversary Blacks went through and how they overcame the atrocities. NOW? Psssh. Black people will use slavery as an EXCUSE. They do not talk about it in healthy ways. They just want to use it as a way to constantly bring up things that happened centuries ago when its time to be responsible for their own downfalls. And frankly i am tired of it and find it offensive to the Black people of that time who worked hard and appreciated all of the opportunities they had and made the best of them without feeling sorry for themselves and making excuses.

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  4. Mars
    Nov 01, 2012 @ 14:11:01

    Sorry to interrupt your “black men aint shit ” rant. But there are actually more black men in college now than in prison, myself included. I don’t think anyone should use slavery as an excuse not to to strive to be the best they can be; but to ignore the effects slavery has had on the black community is ridiculous. Mainly because it was a precursor to all the discrimination blacks STILL face to this day. Black people are discriminated against in employment, education, and most notoriously the criminal justice system. All areas where we lack significant power and unity. Unity being the key word. Racism still exists in America and effects black people especially black men on a number of levels. If you can’t acknowledge this then you apparently live in a fantasy world…………which may be the case.

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    • Neecy
      Nov 01, 2012 @ 21:23:28

      Well MARS if I or any Black woman can’t count on Black men for anything, we damn sure can count on your PREDICTABILITY on turning everything into “a Black man hating party” and will ALWAYS make sure in true form that you live up to your “its all about the BLACK MAN and what he is dealing with” reputation. You didn’t even try to do it on the sly either. LOL But you can only be what you are – the typical self centered Black man.

      Where do I begin. This post AINT ABOUT YOU BLACK MAN. Its about BLACK WOMEN no longer coddling and making excuses for MEN who have yet to do SHIT for their women, communities and children, but expects the world to RESPECT and honor them as MEN and hand them any and everything they want DESPITE their lack of regard for their own communities women and children.

      One day you Black men will get it through your THICK “its all about us” SKULLS that you and YOUR PEOPLE will always deal with racism and discrimination until YOU as men learn to become self sufficient and learn to respect YOURSELVES and women.

      This post is not about whether racism EXISTS. If you pull your head out of YOUR OWN ASS and read the post over again (this time without taking yourself into consideration) you will find that I am making a case for VICTIMHOOD and how it is not progressive thinking for anyone who wants to move forward.

      This victimhood mentality amongst Black people is why we are REGRESSING despite the hard efforts AND WORK of our ancestors who refused to be victims in spite of dealing with OVERT racism where LAWS were in tact that basically deemed them LESS than human.

      TODAY that is not the case and any Black person who is not apart of the LAZY GROUPTHINK “Da white man is out to get us” mindset CAN and will accomplish anything they desire IN THE FACE Of the racism and adversary that is still lingering in the world.

      MY POINT IS, if Blacks of a more challenging time were able to pave ways for your BLACK ARSE to sit on forums bitching about how hard it is for Black people, took that mentality that most African Americans take today, we’d probably still be slaves!

      You claim that more Black men are in college than prison? I don’t believe that at all but just for the sake of playing Devils advocate — if so many Black men are in college what does that say? I mean if racism is soooooo much apart of this society to the point that it HANDICAPS a Black person from getting what and where they want, then how is it that still Blacks can get jobs and go to college??? Has today’s racism kept YOU from entering college to pursue your dreams and get an education? NO. So that means there is no more excuses for why Black AMericans cannot make shit happen!

      I’m tired of you Black men and I’m tired of your constant ranting about how fking hard you have it as if your are the only Black fkn people on earth who have dealt or are dealing with RACISM and ADVERSARY. Especially when you pass that same RACIST self-centered bullshit and sexism and disrespect onto your own WOMEN. Especially when you overwhelmingly show the lack of value you have for the children who you CREATE.

      SAVE.IT.

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      • Mars
        Nov 02, 2012 @ 06:53:57

        First off I’m not here to troll, I came across your blog and I commented on it. I also didn’t segregate black people into genders and make broad sweeping generalizations. That was you. Speaking of predictability; I could say it was predictable of you to revert to the “typical angry black women” when someone is just trying to engage you like a human being. All I did was respond with the same tone you used.

        I agree that a black woman or any woman shouldn’t tolerate a man who is disrespectful towards her or her children. But I don’t know why you feel the need to generalize and stereotype all black men as losers, when that is clearly not the case. You refuse to even acknowledge that many black men are doing the right thing by themselves and their families. You are obviously bitter and prejudice towards all black men and your not shy about it. I don’t know your past so I’m not going to judge you.

        Also I did say that I agreed with you that being slaves in the past isn’t a legitimate reason to not pursue your goals and be the best you can be. I was just pointing out how slavery is relevant to the challenges blacks face in the present. One example is black unemployment. If discrimination isn’t a factor then why are there so many more black people out of work compared to any other racial group. Are we supposed to believe that all these black people are just “lazy”. There are a number of fragile laws that have allowed black people to advance to where we are today, without them who knows where we would be. It is what it is. Finally, there are actually more black men in college than in prison. I’m not surprised you don’t believe that because it doesn’t support your agenda. I hold only love for black women and seek to see blacks become more united and uplift ourselves as a community, that is all. I apologize if I offended you.

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        • Neecy
          Nov 02, 2012 @ 07:27:17

          Ok you are right I did get a bit emotional and confrontational with you which is not usually the case with me and i’m sorry b/c you didn’t deserve that attack. LOL

          Yes there are Good and quality Black men out there. My father is one and I have also Black males as associates or o-workers who are good people and decent men. But that still doesn’t mean that I will overlook the EXCRUItiATING numbers of self absorbed destructive Black men who outnumber the good Black men and how they have created a lot of these issues in their communities where they leave Black women and girls to fend for themselves. How most Black men discriminate against Black women who LOOK BLACK. How most Black men love to publically humiliate and show their hatred and RACISM against Black women.

          But you need to understand that I am coming off a couple of days of having watched video of young Black women being VISCOUSLY assaulted (caught on videotape) by some up and coming Black rapper and how Black men ignored this woman and sought to make this woman beater a hero and said people need to stop trying to “ruin his career”. Even Russell Simmons (whose label this Black loser is signed to) came out and made a statement where he completely ignored the actual VICTIM and what she went through and talked about how he will work to “UPLIFT” the male etc.

          Its always about YOU as Black men even when you have wronged others. No other race of men do this to their women and frankly this is why Black women need to flee Black communities and frankly give up on Black men. Even when there are abusers and low life males in other races, there seems to be a balance of GOOD MEN of that race who come to the aid and rescue of their daughters, sisters and mothers.

          Because no race will ever prosper as long as the women are suffering and abused. You Black men take out your issues and lack of feeling like men with power on your own race of women and children and Black women need to stop putting up with it.
          We also need to understand the so called “DECENT” Black men do not even care and remain silent in the abuse and destruction of their communities, women and children and are only concerned with themselves and BLACK MEN.

          I am tired of Black men USING Black women as their punching bags and then using Black women to fight your battles in society when you feel you are wronged, but YOU HAVE NEVER RETURNED THE FAVOR! Black women experience racism and discrimination JUST LIKE BM, maybe in some different ways but nonetheless we experience it and Black men act as if it is only THEY who are worth fighting for.

          I many cases Black men PARTICIPATE in that very discrimination and racism against Black women.

          This is an all too common trend and yes it does create more and more animosity within me towards Black men in general (and many other enlightened Black women who see what is really happening with this blind one sided loyalty Black women have and are giving to Black men). It is costing our children and young girls their quality of life, respect as humans in their own communities.

          I do not even see the so called “decent” Black men like yourself EVER coming to the rescue and aid of Black women and girls who are being abused, assaulted and such in their communities and even when its viral.

          And you want to know why you have such “angry” and aggressive Black women and girls running around? Because there is no MALE in the home to balance that out and give these girls as a sense of protection and love so that they can feel SAFE in acting like feminine women and girls. When there are no male father figures in the home, you not only affect the BOYS but it also affects the girls. other races of women are more free to embrace their womanhood, act much “nicer” b/c they had for he most part FATHERS in the home to help balance them out and offer a sense of protection.

          Now I am not saying Black women don’t have a shitload of stuff they also need to wok on.And yes Black women need to stop breeding with Black men b/c these men are not sticking around raising their children and this is why Black communities and women are being terrorized by FERAL young Black boys who kill, abuse, rape and cause all kinds of destruction. Then you have aggressive and angry Black women and girls who are also products of this.

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        • Neecy
          Nov 02, 2012 @ 07:44:17

          I was just pointing out how slavery is relevant to the challenges blacks face in the present. One example is black unemployment. If discrimination isn’t a factor then why are there so many more black people out of work compared to any other racial group. Are we supposed to believe that all these black people are just “lazy”.

          I can think of a number of reasons why Black unemployment is low.

          (1) Because UNEMPLOYMENT for EVERYONE is high! Not just Black people. This whole country is suffering with jobs being shipped overseas among other issues that all races are facing.

          (2) A lot of Black people do not have the proper education to compete in the American workforce for many jobs; Blacks do not value education for the most part and therefore do not typically encourage their children to go to college

          (3) The reality is that when WHite Americans are suffering, Black Americans are going to suffer worse. That is how it has always been b/c THEY create the jobs, have the money and power. Therefore they will LOOK OUT FOR EACH OTHER and their race first b/c that is human nature. The saying goes “when White Americans have a cold, Black Americans have a FLU”

          (4) Black Americans do not and have not learned to create wealth for themselves which is going to be key to surviving in this day and age. I am working on this myself b/c I realize where we are headed as Americans and with these corporations and such.

          (5) Its time to stop playing victim. f so many Blacks feel racism is what is holding them back from getting jobs, then CREATE your own! Stop waiting on WHite men to do everything for you. You live in a country where you can create your own jobs if you cannot seem to make it in the workforce.

          (6) Black people do not have unity or solid foundations. That is b/c of Black male abandonment. PERIOD. If the men are not in communities policing the men and boys, uplifting their women and children, their communities and PEOPLE for the most part will fail.

          I’m sorry. i just don’t sit and think about RACISM as the first go to if I am dealing with challenges in my life. That is why I cannot understand nor go with this “its always racism as to why Black people can’t get ahead” mindset. If that is the case, that is not how I look at it. I take the approach that I am lucky to be living in a country where I am no longer a slave, where I can be who I want to be, get educated and live a decent lie as a single Black female without fear of being raped, brutalized and terrorized by my own race of men. Where WHITE MALE law enforcement and laws ensure my safety as a woman. And where I can make my own decisions.

          I have come up against racism in the workplace but funny that hasn’t stopped me from moving forward and getting ahead. here are laws and LAWYERS around to help minorities and people who have been wronged by racism and you have the ability to pursue legal action f that is the case. You as a Black person cannot walk in any other NON WESTERN country and have even 1/4 of what you can get in the USA or in any western society run by and dominated by WHites! That is the TRUTH!. So if you feel America and WHite people are “too racist” to the point it is stopping you from living your life and is costing you a low quality of life as a Black person or for Black people, by all means go live in Africa with your Black bros and people and see what kind of life you will have there compared to here.

          It is tough out there for EVERYONE right now. Black people spend so much time and energy supporting people and things that are not in their best interest — RAP. Yo are making these ignorant Black males who preach about killing each other, disresepecting and exploiting Black women and Black people uphold them as the PILLARS of our communities. WHY? Because we get pissed off when anyone tries to speak out against them and the first thing we sy is “let these BLACK MEN finally make the money they deserve”. Well that plays a role to in why Blacks don’t and cant get ahead (especially Black men) whether we want to acknowledge this or not.

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        • chicnoir
          Nov 02, 2012 @ 14:47:37

          If discrimination isn’t a factor then why are there so many more black people out of work compared to any other racial group.

          Probably because one part people looking out for their own kind and one part lack of small business ownership in Black communities. If we owned all if the mom and pop shops in our neighborhoods and employed each other, I wonder what the Black unemployment rate would look like then.

          On people looking out for their own, Mars have you noticed the number of foreign born people who are living in this country who own small business and franchises some of these same groups also can be found in professional level high paying white collar jobs. If we don ‘t get it together, the future does not hold well for us.

          See the number of Hispanics/Latinos doing unskilled labor? They have found cheaper slaves.

          I’m am afraid we will join the native Americans in becoming obsolete.

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          • Neecy
            Nov 03, 2012 @ 10:43:42

            EXACTLY Chic. i just read in Black Enterprise magazine that was and is always highlighting Black entrepenuerers that the truly wealthy in this country are people who own their own businesses. maybe not wealthy in the sense of mansions and being multi millionaires, but in that creating your own wealth is the best way to go.

            Blacks do not need to own large corporations and such to create an abundance of wealth amongst themselves and their communities.

            Instead we support and allow other cultures to come in our communities and set up shop and make their ;living off of Blacks. OH WELL! WHose fault is that? Black people also complain about the Asians and Arabs in their communities who run these businesses and treat them like crap (yet takes their money), yet we still allow them in and patronize their businesses.

            All the time AND ENERGY Black people spend talking about how WHite people won’t give them this and that, how racism holds them down, could have been better spent in creating jobs and wealth and INSTILLING EDUCATION in Black communities.

            BUT that also means that Black communities for the most part have to have a healthy amount of people willing to invest and live there and do the right thing – other than call Blacks who want to do the right thing “bougie sell outs”.

            The fact is with so many OOW births and young Black men who come from homes without fathers and as a result become more violent b/c they do not have men to balance out their aggression in the homes, Black communities are not safe places for any Black person with ANY MEANS and with a will to actually LIVE.

            IT STARTS with the Black mindset and ends there no matter how racist society *can* be. The fact is we cannot change racism. But we can change our behaviors as much as we can by doing the BEST we can in this environment. Not drawing more ire against us as a people by supporting the worse stereotypes and making excuses for dysfinctional behavior. Bitching and complaining and talking about how WHite people get away with this and that and how they “do it too” will not ever move Black people forward instead onto the RESERVATIONS.

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            • chicnoir
              Nov 04, 2012 @ 12:54:58

              I totally agree with this comment. I think what pisses me off more than anything is when I’ve seen another Black person put down a Black bussiness for the most trifling of reasons to justify spending money at a nonblk bussiness who incidentally disrespects them.

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      • onthewaydown
        Nov 02, 2012 @ 12:48:30

        “Racism still exists in America and effects black people especially black men on a number of levels.”

        It is interesting that this was said, because it seems to imply that black men face more racism than black women do. Which I would disagree with, because racism is racism…lol. A racist would not think highly of either a black man or a black woman.

        It could affect black men differently than it does black women…but the fact is that many of the things that black men are discriminated for (police targeting, etc.) black women are as well. And then there is the invisibility black women often face. Think about the expression “minorities and women”–the expression in itself makes the assumption that “minorities” are men and “women” are white. Lol. Aside from that, many issues that black women face are ignored by black men and black women. Like the reaction to that whole Lil Reese incident, when people made the incident about the up-and-coming rapper (who I never even heard of? it’s not like he’s Jay-Z or anything, so why does he get all that focus?) and didn’t really talk about what is going to happen to the girl he kicked in the head. All these articles about having compassion for our youth…when I think the compassionate thing is to put him in jail so that he does not break into other young women’s houses and beat them up.

        Anyway, I am sort of going on a tangent but I’m going to say this. Like you Neecy, I am also getting a bit weary of the black men (and some women) who tell black women to ignore their issues in various ways (e.g. “white people do it too” or “black men have it worse”…ughhh)…it smacks to me of white people telling black people to “get over” racism. As far as the quoted line…well, if we are going to recognize racism, we may as well recognize racio-misogyny/gendered racism and see that Neecy has a point.

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        • onthewaydown
          Nov 02, 2012 @ 12:59:39

          Oh, and by the way, not that I am saying that any -ism is a reason for people to allow life to get the best of them. I think that as long as you are in a land of opportunity, you should take advantage of those opportunities. I mean, why live at all if you are not going to try? You are just existing, and that sounds like quite a depressing existence to me. I have been to developing countries where the poor have little to no social mobility at all. Even the people there sometimes find ways to make it, and they never give up. I am also saying this as someone who has relatives who have come to the US with nothing to do better for themselves. The American Dream may be harder for some to achieve than others, but it can be achieved (at least it can be now…I’m not sure how it will be in the coming generations with the economy going down the tubes)…social mobility is one of those things I would never take for granted.

          It’s sad when people just give up on life, especially in places like the US. I don’t mean this in a judgmental, “people who don’t work hard are lazy” way, but I genuinely feel sad when I see people who have lost the will to live.

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          • Neecy
            Nov 03, 2012 @ 11:14:51

            EXACTLY. Black people in Western societies across the globe are the most thriving and have the most opportunities. Its time to recognize this and make the best of it instead of focusing on the crap you cannot change.

            Also if Black people want to have a higher rate of VALUE in the eyes amongst other races and cultures, then can start by not openly supporting and making excuses for the very stereotypes people dislike us for.

            Granted a lot of people are just stone cold racists and hate anything with darker skin. But i have a feeling there are a lot of “fence straddling” racists or prejudiced people who develop a lot of their negative views on Blacks simply by the way we act and show a disregard overall for being prosperous.

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        • Neecy
          Nov 03, 2012 @ 11:10:28

          It is interesting that this was said, because it seems to imply that black men face more racism than black women do. ……

          You didn’t get the MEMO? Black men supposedly for all of this time have been the beneficiaries of Racism while Black women have been living hilly lilly lives free from discrimination and problems that affect them due to skin color and race. Oh how wonderful it must be for Black women since we don’t have to face racism and since we also were not victim during slavery and Jim Crow era. [end sarcasm].

          It could affect black men differently than it does black women…but the fact is that many of the things that black men are discriminated for (police targeting, etc.) black women are as well. And then there is the invisibility black women often face. Think about the expression “minorities and women”–the expression in itself makes the assumption that “minorities” are men and “women” are white. Lol. Aside from that, many issues that black women face are ignored by black men and black women.

          You said one key thing here: INVISIBILITY. When a person is pretty much invisible, their problems and issues become invisible. Black men experience racism but there are ALWAYS going to be people, programs and open discussions about how some Black men suffer or have been wrongfully targeted.

          If a Black men gets in trouble, the first thing society does is run to his defense and have all kinds of marches. When a Black woman goes missing, gets assaulted or treated wrongfully, where’s the CALVARY? There aint no CALVARY coming to rescue Black women!

          The only time society and Black men want to RECOGNIZE Black women is when we are acting fools and giving people more reason to mistreat us.

          The fact is Black women experience the same levels of racism and many various COVERT forms that affects only us as WOMEN.

          Black men have publicly contributed to the outer racism of Black women by publicly decrying how we don’t “measure up” to other races of women and by continuing to disregard the beauty and value of women who are darker than a paper bag.

          Like the reaction to that whole Lil Reese incident, when people made the incident about the up-and-coming rapper (who I never even heard of? it’s not like he’s Jay-Z or anything, so why does he get all that focus?) and didn’t really talk about what is going to happen to the girl he kicked in the head. All these articles about having compassion for our youth…when I think the compassionate thing is to put him in jail so that he does not break into other young women’s houses and beat them up.

          EXACTLY! The reality is Black women get the DOUBLE WHAMMY – Racism and Black male sexism and neglect in our OWN communities. SO Black women cannot even look to their communities for shelter and protection. Which means we have no choice but to go out into the world and deal with the adversaries that come with being a minority and sometimes being a woman. But for the most part, it doesn’t stop the Black women like myself and many like yourself from doing the best we can to make the best lives for ourselves.

          I acknowledge racism b/c its truly still alive and well. i just do not let it or allow it to handicap me or my thinking about how I can get ahead in life without depending on using a crutch.

          …well, if we are going to recognize racism, we may as well recognize ratio-misogyny/gendered racism……. </strong

          WITHIN OUR OWN RACE. If Blacks want to improve racism against us, then it needs to start from within and to stop being racist against each other over our own skin shades.

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  5. ttmatthe
    Nov 01, 2012 @ 14:30:44

    You know, a recent discussion has made me realize something: I simply do not have a victim-mentality or a persecution-complex.

    If I see something that qualifies as bigotry and unfairness, oh yes, I’m gonna call it out.

    But my brain is simply not wired to place a greater emphasis on being a victim of a conspiracy, or white people, etc. than what is going on in my immediate reality or vicinity.

    As such, when I say things like, “I am not here for this ‘white people do it, too’ excuse, don’t do criminal, deviant things if you want to be seen a respectable human being”, that’s exactly what I mean.

    I am not bothered by how criminals, regardless of their race, who murder, rape, commit armed robbery, etc. are treated. I do not care how a black woman beater is treated in comparison to a white woman beater.

    I feel like that guy on Zoolander who is like, “I’M TAKING CRAZY PILLS!”

    If you are a law abiding black woman who is not about trifling foolishness, the WORST thing you can be doing is making disclaimers and excuses for those who are about those things. I have no tears to shed for people who are shady and evil getting treated badly. Because those are not my people.

    That’s how othering works.

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    • Neecy
      Nov 01, 2012 @ 21:40:06

      Toni,

      I was really appalled at the COMPLETE “off the reservation” turn that post took all in the name of defending Black dysfunction. And frankly all it proved to me was that a lot of Black women THINK they are ready to move forward but they aren’t. They simply are not ready. It rally shows how deep Black dysfunctional thinking runs – even in so called “enlightened” Blacks. Pretty scary.

      And it is sad b/c these are the very women who claim to want better for Black women. YET they are still yodelling the same typical Black groupthink BS about how Black people’s dysfunction shouldn’t be the main focus “cause White people do it too”. You cannot have a discussion with the average Black person about fixing their issues without it turning into some IMMATURE cry baby “but White people do it too” conversation or using the easy way out route of “you are pedestalizing other groups”. UGH. Sane adults do not think this way IMO. They simply deal with their problems head on so they can improve.

      That is what children say b/c they have not yet processed mentally that they are in control of their own decisions.

      I cannot believe grown so called EMPOWERED Black women are still stuck on that nonsense. Especially when they completely went off the reservation of what you were really saying. And that is because that VICTIMHOOD thinking runs deeper than we are ready to admit.

      Like you, I just don’t get it. WHAT THEE HELL does what a WHite person does have to do with you as a Black person doing the right fkn thing?? WHy are you even focusing on defending shitty behavior simply b/c another group does it? I really can’t wrap my brain around this kind of mentality.

      I thank God everyday I am truly a FREE Black woman. I am free in that I understand that this life can be the best I can make it or as crappy as I allow it to be. NO other human being is in total control of my destiny (at least not in a Western society where freedom to do and be who you want is up to the individual).

      American Blacks REALLY and truly do not understand how good we have it. that is why Africans and all others come to this country and GET SHIT DONE. They make it look EASY and they are foreigners.

      I get it. Racism exists. i see it with my own eyes and have experienced it throughout my life as well. OK AND??? As long as it hasn’t stopped me from getting what i want and EATING, I say why should I put so much energy into something I CANNOT change and that has been around waaay before Jesus?

      All i care about is that Black young girls become aware of the realities surrounding them for ONCE and make the best of their lives without always sacrificing for Black men who aint sacrificing for them and are causing most of the destruction against Black girls in their communities.

      And to do this, you have to start at the root of the problem DYSFUNCTION and how to fix it. But how can you fix dysfunction when you are constantly comparing another person’s dysfunction against your own as a way to tae the heat off of yourself for improving?

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      • ttmatthe
        Nov 01, 2012 @ 22:01:51

        “WHAT THEE HELL does what a WHite person does have to do with you as a Black person doing the right fkn thing?”

        This is pretty much the $64 dollar question and I feel one of the major points of what I was trying to make. Between that and the whole idea that WPDIT is a derailment tactic 99% of the time that it is introduced in BW-centric/BWE spaces, I just could not comprehend anyone rising up to defend it.

        I admit I had to go meditate for awhile after that, both because my heart hurt and I am worried about some folks. Like you said, it’s scary. I don’t expect people to aree with me all the time. Heck, you and I have disagreed, and I hold a great deal of respect for you. We’re all different, we’re not always going to be on the same page.

        But when conversations allow for support of derailment speech that is used against black women in their own spaces by people who hate us (and yes, those people are black, not white), it really worries me. I can’t help but feel frustrated because I see where it’s going when you allow elbow room for people who hold a satanic hatred of black women, stalk our spaces, and want to do/say whatever to hurt and undermine us.

        I do not want to give these persons the satisfaction of thinking for just one minute that I buy into any of their bull crap. I don’t care what happens to DBR persons. At some point, you have to decide between wanting to claim or fight for EVERYONE (dirtbags mainly) in the name of sister soldiering, or focusing chiefly on yourself and what’s best for you.

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        • Neecy
          Nov 01, 2012 @ 22:07:25

          Absolutely Toni. its not about the need to have people agree with you. But if you cannot make such a post in a space where you deem the people to be ENLIGHTENED and able to handle such discussions without resorting to the SAME OLE Black groupthink tactics, it does make you wonder what’s really lies ahead for Black women. I basically left a last post saying that I had to bow out and deuce up b/c it was disturbing at how the thread took a wrong turn.

          It just becomes exhausting after awhile fighting these battles b/c at some point you think that adults would just *GET IT*. But Like i said, when victim mentality runs deep IT RUNS DEEP and I think we saw that.

          Like you I had to simply walk away and do something else because in my eyes you are fighting a battle that cannot be won with some people.

          This isn’t even about PRIDE. It is really about this sickness to never be called out for your own bad behavior as a group. That is a sickness – REAL sickness too many Black people and women have.

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  6. Mars
    Nov 02, 2012 @ 07:00:21

    What happened to my last post?

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  7. chicnoir
    Nov 02, 2012 @ 13:44:06

    See I want to cut and paste to reply but I don’t know how to do that on this phone.

    Anyway, about people being adults past 18 and moving themselves past the drama, I agree but for some reason so many people are afraid or resistant to change, even positive change .

    I wonder why past a certain age people find it so hard to change or let go of things, because children seem to be pretty resilient to change.

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    • Neecy
      Nov 03, 2012 @ 11:19:38

      So true. thats because adults have the mental capacity to draw on many different reasons why they can’t make it. Children can’t. They just gotta go with the flow and often times have not yet developed the mental wherewithall to even become victims based on their situations. All they know is how to live and be as children. Adults can take some ques from children on a lot of things. LOL

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  8. chicnoir
    Nov 02, 2012 @ 14:05:12

    You wanna talk about slavery? lets talk about how even in the MIDST and post era of slavery Black people seemed to have it well together. Black people had thriving communities. Were somehow able to educate themselves even when they were legally kept from being educated. How they had stable families and fathers and men who protected their kids, raised them and taught them RIGHT FROM WRONG. How the women were treated as women and were not subjected to expletives such as “bitches and hoes

    Cosign this 100% even Bell Hooks and Cornell West talked about this, this past Sunday. I swear that horrible gangsta rap made everything worse. It helped glamorize disfunction.

    I wish more Black Americans would treat our history in the same manner that the Jews have and use it to further pull ourselves up.

    The Jews make up a much smaller number than we do but look at they have been able to put themselves into positions of power.

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    • Neecy
      Nov 03, 2012 @ 11:24:52

      Where did Bell Hooks speak? I love her! I remember reading her book in college and seeing everything she said and saw decades ago about Black women “WAKING UP” still very prevalent today. And that is kinda scarey that her works from decades ago are still relevant which means NOTHING has changed.

      I was especially shocked when she talked about in her book how ht eBlack Panthers treated the Black women in the ranks who were risking life and limb to push their BLACK MALE CAUSE. And how these same “PRO BLACK” men had posters and pics of WHite models in bikinis on the walls etc.

      Anyway, i definitly believe gangster and street rap has contributed to 90% of the overall Black dysfunction in America. It glorifies everything destructive to Blacks – exploiting, abusing and de-valuing the women, out of wedlock births, sexual promiscuity, violence, murder, and focus on shit that doesn’t matter in terms of building solid wealth (gold chains, cars, etc).

      I grew up in the transitioning era of old school positive rap and gangster/street rap and SAW the complete change the Black community has taken overall.

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      • chicnoir
        Nov 04, 2012 @ 13:01:46

        Hey Neicy , bell hooks was on the Tavis and Smiley radio program last week. I’m sure you can find the recording online at the NPR site.

        . I read one of her books a few yearsMi ago and I would really like to read her book about the Black panthers. Do you remember the name.

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        • Neecy
          Nov 04, 2012 @ 13:05:41

          Hey Chic. The book I read was called “AINT I A WOMAN” and it discusses the very issues many Black women are facing regarding being abandones, abuse, disrespected and how our issues are often neglected. Its a good read and I might revisit it again.

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  9. chicnoir
    Nov 02, 2012 @ 14:12:21

    Okay finished reading and agree with 90% of what you wrote.

    * chic noir grabs neicy by the shoulders and gives her a light shake*

    If you don’t stop saying slavery ended 700 or 800 years ago girl. Slavery ended about 150 years ago and Jim Crow ended about 50 years ago.

    I don’t know why people who use slavery as their crutch don’t talk about JimCrow. I think Jim Crow in some ways was more harmful to the psyche of Blacks people who are alive today.

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    • Neecy
      Nov 03, 2012 @ 11:25:36

      LOL! I’m such a doe doe bird. That goes to show you how much focus I put on slavery that I don’t even *really* know how long ago it ended.

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  10. chicnoir
    Nov 02, 2012 @ 14:26:27

    LAZY to improve ourselves and too UNGRATEFUL to look at past Blacks who paved the way through some really tough times.

    Don’t forget ignorant, you would be surprised at how little some Blacks know about their history.

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  11. TS
    Nov 03, 2012 @ 05:55:44

    If discrimination was the sole problem, foreign blacks and their descendants would not be so successful. I have always loved America and I have always admired the African Americans I saw on television as a child. I admired Michael Jordon, Whitney, Colin Powell and Oprah. I was amazed at their success. I moved to the States and I was shocked at the general cultural mindset among urban blacks. They didn’t seem to respect education or traditional values on parenting and didn’t seem to know how to speak Standard English. There are always going to be successful African Americans, but, the numbers will decrease tremendously if the general cultural mindset does not change. Whites and other racial groups will always look out for their interests but if blacks don’t take a more proactive role in their own destiny, they may go the way of the Native Americans. It would be a shame. African Americans are the blacks that foreign blacks admire so much because of the nature of their success in such a difficult environment. I wish they would look back at history and look at what worked so well for their ancestors, RESILIANCE.

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    • Neecy
      Nov 03, 2012 @ 11:33:48

      HI TS!!

      Yes the tragedy of it all is African Americans have (or had) such a really rich and uplifting history DESPITE the challenges of slavery and racism. We should have been the Blacks to help make it better for all others across the globe b/c of the abundance of opportunities and TALENTS we have.

      Now we squander those opportunities to be able to uplift and promote the worse stereotypes and make the most ignorant of our race the wealthiest which gives them power over impressionable Black youth who are already not coming from homes with parents who can teach them away from these negative stereotypical messages. We today are just throwing all that out the window with the current trends of Blacks supporting the worse parts of Black life and culture.

      African Americans were once well known for their distinct and great contributions to music and other forms of American culture that are slowly diminishing as more people realize Black Americans have lost the PRIDE in who we once were.

      I have to say that when I see Africans (the Blackest looking Blacks alive so its not always about skin color or else no Africans could come here and make great livlihoods) who can come here and create wealth for themselves from the small business to the White collar jobs (as you pointed out) it clearly sends a message that its not so much discrimination (as you pointed out) that is the problem holding Black Americans back, but the MENTALITY and LAZINESS.

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  12. Neecy
    Nov 03, 2012 @ 11:39:05

    HA! sitting here watching and listening to Michele Obama talk JUST about the very points we are discussing here (not the racial aspect) but how ANYONE in this country who wants to get ahead CAN and WILL with HARD WORK and a DRIVE. PERIOD.

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    • Omerta327
      Nov 03, 2012 @ 13:37:09

      Oh, yeah. So her hubby Chairman Maobama can tax and regulate them up the wazoo and redistribute that money to people that DON’T work and have NO drive to do so. All hail the recipient class!!!

      Michelle and Barak are such a perfect couple – she’s just as full of sh!t as he is. Can’t wait to vote those Marxist bastards out on Tuesday.

      Oh wait, I shouldn’t have said that. Now I’m a racist.

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      • Neecy
        Nov 04, 2012 @ 08:33:02

        Man you sure have been a big old grump these days.

        You know what I get tired of people disrespecting Michelle and this is the one place where I won’t tolerate it b/c I cannot control what people say outside in the world about her.

        never in the history of America has a First Lady taken so much disrespect. You can say what You want about Barack, but please tone down the Michelle bad talk b/c I am really sick of it. She is a first lady – SHE DOES NOT CREATE LAWS! If you have a frustration with Obama then deal with him. Why do people have to always drag Michelle through the mud??? She is not running the White house!

        And just alike any other first lady SHE IS SUPPORTING HER HUSBAND AS SHE SHOULD!. I guess she is supposed to talk favorably about the Republican parties topics and not her husbands???

        Other first ladies have NEVER been so verbally assualted for simply doing their job as the Presidents wife.

        I get so sick of people acting like Michelle s the damn president. she is not taxing anyone.

        Like I said you can like or hate Obama. but disrespecting his wife and acting as if she is the President making the policies you don’t like is really not cool.

        And yeah it does definitley make me feel that b/c she is a Black woman she doesn’t deserve to be treated like past first ladies – WITH RESPECT. Even when people HATED the President, his wife was never the target b/c she is really innocent since she is not the one doing the damn job.

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        • Omerta327
          Nov 04, 2012 @ 09:59:10

          Michelle is a public figure, and she doesn’t shy away from it either. She spews the same socialist rhetoric her husband does, so she’s open for criticism whether you like it or not, daahhling.

          This is a woman who, during an official White House ceremony when the American Flag was being honored, turned to Barack and said, “All this for a damn flag”. If she doesn’t respect the flag, the very symbol of this great nation, why should I respect her?

          This is a woman who, when Barack got the Dem nomination in 08, said “For the first time in my life I’m proud of my country.” What? If she never respected this country that I love, why should I respect her?

          And there you go again playing the race card, saying it’s all cuz she’s black. That nonsense is reeaallly getting old, Neece. My dislike for the Obamas is because of POLITICAL IDEOLOGY.

          Let me say it again so it sinks in – it’s because of POLITICAL IDEOLOGY.

          If the Obamas were white and Michelle was saying all the same things, I’d be just as critical of her. As I said, she publicly spews the same socialist rhetoric that Barack does, so I’m just pointing that out. God knows the mainstream media refuses to do it. And you WILL tolerate it, Neece, because this is America and we have this liitle thing called the 1st Amendment.

          And I’m actually feeling great these days, thank you very much. Things are going well. But because I dare to challenge you on your opinions that I don’t agree with, I’m a “big old grump” eh? Haha!!! This is a public forum, and if I disagree with your opinion on something, I’ll challenge you on it and explain why with reason and logic. If you can’t handle it, that ain’t my problem.

          *sigh* I feel bad for you, Neece. You just can’t see the forest for the trees.

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          • Neecy
            Nov 04, 2012 @ 11:39:34

            Look. I could care less if you like or hate Michelle. And I ave never said or made anyone feel that they have to agree with me on anything because I can debate and I’m not afraid of debating my POV in a healthy way with others who have a differing POV.

            I am saying I won’t tolerate the bad mouthing of her and slandering on MY BLOG b/c this is the one place where I do have control over what someone says about her (i.e. i can choose to delete the comments I feel are negative towards her) is what I am saying.

            You took a complete opportunity where I was simply staying on topic and poiting to Michelle’s speech about hard work and people who want to get ahead can with ambition and willingness. You took that and turned it into a political ASSISINATION about HER nad her husband’s “policies” which IMO was really uncalled for since I was NOT making any political points but referencing words from Michelle Obama that went with the topic and discussion at hand. What she said has more to do with the actually topic and discussion and that is why I posted it. Not for this to turn into a complete Michele Obama target practice.

            You and the rest of the world may not get it or even care but as a Black woman I am tired of people constantly taking cheap shots at us b/c they know we really don’t have anyone who will stand up for us nor will they be called on the carpe for their accusations and slanders against us as women, as other races of women are often publicly protected in this manner.

            ALL FIRST LADIES are very vocal in supporting their husband and political parties goals and DO openly speak about it. Michelle is NOT the first nor will she be the last first lady to SUPPORT her husband and their political party’s views and goals. HOWEVER, Michelle is the ONLY first lady everyone has a problem with doing this and acts as if she is actually the one in Office making the decisions.

            And I said NOTHING about being racist b/c you hate Barack and his wife. I could care less who you vote for. But I have made a conscious decision that I will not tolerate slandering of innocent Black women on my blog and will stand up and speak against it just as easily as people feel they can speak out and slander us.

            i call EVERYONE out on the carpet including Black women when I feel we are wrong.

            Michele is Obama s not the President and she does not create or make the policies that you hate. All she does as HIS WIFE and FIRST lady is openly support and co-sign on what he says LIKE EVERY OTHER FIRST LADY INCLUDING MITT ROMNEYS WIFE! (i notice no one ever has anything to say about her and never said a peep against Nancy Ragean, Bushes Wife and others who openly supported their husbands). That is b/c White women are offered PROTECTION on all fronts while its a free for all shooting range against Black women.

            AND. I have NEVER heard of anything about Michelle saying that about the flag. Michele Obama is not an IDIOT and would never be caught saying something like that. Jesus! frankly, I think its a LIE and just another excuse people use to “hate her”.

            Regarding the whole “first time in my life”. She explained what and why she said it FOUR YEARS AGO. If you don’t like her FINE. If the rest of the world hates her guts for simply supporting her husband, their party and his policies LIKE ALL OTHER POLITICAL CANDIDATES WIVES then FINE. but on Neecy’s nest I won’t tolerate the slandering of another Black woman who I personally ADMIRE and support. Especially when I feel she has not done anything to garner such blatant hatred and disrespect.

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            • omerta327
              Nov 05, 2012 @ 09:36:29

              All I did with your original post was point out was how what MO said was totally hypocritical. She may say she wants to see people get ahead with hard work and drive, when in reality she and Barack have spent the last 4 years doing all they can to tear down those who are successful in order to bring up those who don’t work and have no drive to do so. Give ’em all lots of free gov’t perks and they’ll always vote for you. Class warfare 101. No “political assassination”, just cold hard facts.

              “You and the rest of the world may not get it or even care but as a Black woman I am tired of people constantly taking cheap shots at us b/c they know we really don’t have anyone…”

              So you’re taking any criticism of MO as an affront to you personally and BW everywhere? That’s beyond ridiculous.

              “And I said NOTHING about being racist b/c you hate Barack and his wife.”
              #1 – I don’t hate anybody. That’s not how I roll.
              #2 – That comment wasn’t directed at you. That was a jab at the mainstream media in general.

              “(i notice no one ever has anything to say about her and never said a peep against Nancy Ragean, Bushes Wife and others who openly supported their husbands). That is b/c White women are offered PROTECTION on all fronts while its a free for all shooting range against Black women.”

              *facepalm* Once again, this is NOT a black/white issue. It’s about political ideology. Those other First Ladies may not have faced as much criticism as MO, but it ain’t cuz they weren’t black. It’s because, unlike MO, they weren’t MARXISTS. Cold hard facts, apparent to anyone who’s paid attention the last 4 years.

              “AND. I have NEVER heard of anything about Michelle saying that about the flag. Michele Obama is not an IDIOT and would never be caught saying something like that. Jesus!”

              See it for yourself.

              BOOM.

              All I’ve done here was provide some perfectly valid criticisms of MO and backed them up. There’s a huge difference between that and “bad mouthing” or “slander. It looks like, in your mind, the only difference between the 2 is whether or not the person being criticized is someone you like. If you can’t understand the true difference, then I don’t know what to tell ya.

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              • Neecy
                Nov 06, 2012 @ 13:16:56

                WOW talk about desperate MEASURES. Well looks like your little video was disproved below in Robynes post where the actual school this so called CHAIN EMAIL deaf person claimed they attended, has completely denied the video and went further to say (yes a deaf school administrator) that she actually said “its amazing how they fold that flag”.

                I am not surprised at the measures taken by certain SEGMENTS to discredit this woman at all costs.

                Please take your personal issues with Baracka dn Michelle to other sites where they care. I do not appreciate you derailing my thread to make very off handed comment about the two just b/c you are politically riled up.

                it was uncalled for and rude.

                I am just sick of this election already and the people pushing their views onto everyone else.

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                • Omerta327
                  Nov 06, 2012 @ 18:48:50

                  Bwahahaha!!! That’s cute, but you can’t possibly be serious.

                  That vid has been bouncing around the net for a while. I’ve seen it on other sites, even heard it discussed on the radio, and I’ve seen in analyzed a couple of times by other hearing impaired/lip reading experts who agreed that they thought MO was saying “All this for a damn flag”.

                  Now, of course you’re gonna see people come out and say, “No, she didn’t say that.” You have to expect that. All Robynne’s post does is add a little fuel to the debate, which is fine. But does it disprove anything? No, not by a long shot.

                  As for the link she provides, how do we know that site/newspaper isn’t a liberal left wing organization? We don’t. How do we know that they didn’t go into their investigation knowing what results they were looking for, and once someone gave them the answer they wanted, they just ran with it? Sadly, it happens all the time in the mainstream media these days, so it’s entirely plausible. So you haven’t disproven jack squat, kiddo.

                  And on top of that, you’re accusing me of “desperate measures”? Hahaha!!! The only desperate measure around here is how you keep insisting on building that straw man of yours.

                  “…you are politically riled up.”

                  Now THIS is the funniest part of your post, cuz the only one “riled up” around here is YOU. I’ve presented my arguments and criticisms in a calm, measured manner. You’re the one flying off the handle.

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                  • Neecy
                    Nov 07, 2012 @ 07:56:34

                    I’ve presented my arguments and criticisms in a calm, measured manner. You’re the one flying off the handle.

                    Michelle and Barak are such a perfect couple – she’s just as full of sh!t as he is. Can’t wait to vote those Marxist bastards out on Tuesday.

                    Yeah you sure now how to handle yourself in a mild and calm manner. Making a post calling them bastards and cursing saying they are full of shit – even when no one was even having a political discussion?? You started this nonsense and like I said I DO NOT APPRECIATE you derailing this thread into your political nonsense simply because I made reference to something Michelle Obama stated in a speech that related to the points in this discussion.

                    This is the last thing I’m saying to you in regards to this and I’m just not going to keep going back and forth with you on it anymore.

                    I am sure there are many political blogs you can venture to and bitch and complain about the Obama’s and MICHELLE. Especially NOW since your man and party LOST – AGAIN.

                    I’m pretty sure the behavior of people like you and your party has definitely turned people off when it comes to the election and political arena. It sure has for me who was a person that could have pretty much gone either way. But this kind of behavior solidifies why I was all to happy to give Obama my vote. He’s a class act and some people could learn from that!

                    Now. Moving on…..

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                    • omerta327
                      Nov 07, 2012 @ 08:09:47

                      Well, all of you who wanted another 4 years of BO got your wish. Another 4 years of sky high unemployment, high taxes, higher costs for gas and utilities, billions of tax $ going to bailout that don’t work, all contributing to an economy that goes further down the toilet.

                      And when all that comes to pass, remember – you asked for it.

                      That is all. I’ve said all I have to say on the matter.

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                    • Neecy
                      Nov 07, 2012 @ 08:15:01

                      Well if you don’t like what just happened maybe instead of constantly criticizing Obama, your party should be putting together BETTER STRATEGIES and people that make voting republican attractive. For the most most I feel Most Republicans act like you – ANGRY and bitter and cant have a decent civil discussion about the opposing party without resorting to name calling and desperation tactics.

                      Republicans will never win EVER with this immature tactics. And we’ve seen the proof last night.

                      NOW. Can we please move on!! GEEZ!

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                    • omerta327
                      Nov 07, 2012 @ 08:26:42

                      No anger or bitterness here – you know me well enough to know that’s not how I am. I’m disappointed w/how it all turned out, but what are you gonna do.

                      Yeah, let’s move on.

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                    • Neecy
                      Nov 07, 2012 @ 08:29:52

                      Actually I just made a new post about Repubicans. LOL. Feel free if you want, to have a civil discussion that does not resort to name calling and desperation tactics.

                      Because honestly this needs to be addressed and quickly.

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                • Omerta327
                  Nov 06, 2012 @ 18:51:28

                  And one more thing – as for “discrediting” MO? The woman prefers the Communist Manifesto to the Constitution. Nuff said.

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                  • foosrock!
                    Nov 07, 2012 @ 02:35:02

                    You are a donkey. Neecey should censor your ignorance as it shouldn’t be allowed out in the open to pollute our minds.

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                    • Neecy
                      Nov 07, 2012 @ 07:58:49

                      I’m not allowing anymore of that political nonsense on here – especially against Michelle. if people can not present their political views in a classy and civil way, they willl not be having any discussion on this blog about anything political.

                      Just last year we went through this and it got very nasty and we all agreed NO MORE political discussions on this blog. Welll looks like someone forgot what happened last ear and what the agreement was.

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                    • omerta327
                      Nov 07, 2012 @ 08:11:12

                      Haha, OK whoever you are.

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          • zorroprimo
            Nov 05, 2012 @ 01:57:54

            I can’t count how many times Moochelle has dictated to Barky how he should address social and economic issues (but, principally, that’s because I can’t count).

            But I’m getting help!

            http://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=sesame+street+the+count+counts+seven&view=detail&mid=61940B6BA67A8BC1F8D961940B6BA67A8BC1F8D9&first=0

            In all fairness, though, being First Lady sucks. You’re not elected, you’re not appointed and yet everyone has expectations and performance standards for you. FL has to be the worst job in DC.

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            • Neecy
              Nov 06, 2012 @ 13:07:36

              All I am going to say regarding the first part of your post and how Michelle “DICTATES” to Obama what to do – uhm where do you get your information? Did Michele or Obama tell you or the USA that this is what she does? If not, then its just anther form of SPECULATIOn on her and what she does.

              And frankly, all WIVES of presidents may have some influence somewhere NOT just Michelle.

              I do agree with the last part of your post, however, as I state other First Ladies haven’t caught the slack Michelle has caught EVER. i cannot ever recall a time where the POTUS wife was so consistently targeted for EVERY DAMN THING she does and says.

              The fact is this country has ZERO respect for Black womanhood and the current President’s Black wife is no exception.

              last. I believe people need to shut their traps about the POTUS wife b/c she is not the one on the job. And if anyone thinks or expects the President’s wife to not openly show support for his policies and speak on behalf of them to show solidarity with him and his party then they are IDIOTS who are nitpicking for their own personal reasons.

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          • Ray
            Jan 16, 2013 @ 19:28:22

            Omerta, it must be tiring pushing that load of crap! You would think that we could escape you right wing morons at a BWE website! But apparently Neecy hasn’t used an exterminator at her website in a while! No first lady has ever faced the racist misogynist vitriol that Michelle has faced! She has been an exemplary first lady and her husband while I can agree is not as liberal as I would like, has still been a better president than his predecessor! This country has prospered because of a combination of socialism and capitalism! You’ve benefited from it too, even though the liars of rightwing radio and FAUX news would have you deny it! Leaving everything to the free market is idiotic and would never work! Capitalism is based on greed. You remember greed, right? You right wingers have tried to make it into a virtue when anybody with a brain will tell you its one of the 7 deadly sins! I’m sure your parents are taking full advantage of their social security and Medicare. You know, those socialist programs you complain about!

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        • omerta327
          Nov 04, 2012 @ 10:59:48

          Correction. She said “For the first time in my adult life…”, and it was while he was running for the nomination. But the sentiment is the same.

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  13. jillodelight
    Nov 03, 2012 @ 12:25:58

    Hi Neecy!

    It seems like what ALL BM have in common is their complete devotion to their egos. It seems like they live in alternate universe sometimes. ALL BW have experienced racism from BM in last 3 decades, so I know we’re not blindly stereotyping anyone lol The idea is laughable (even non-Blacks see how BM treat BW, it’s not news to anyone). I got into this discussion with one BM on Clutch magazine: I was talking about the anti BW sexism face by BM and he told me that I was stereotyping a whole group and in doing so scaring off potential allies LOL! He even told me that misogyny was a common problem between all men and women, basically downplaying the flat out EXTREME misogynistic behavior of BM towards BW. So now we have to coddle silent BM who MAY not agree with DBR BM. I told him that BW putting “good silent” BM on pedestal hasn’t helped us AT ALL, so I wasn’t gonna keep quiet about abhorrent behavior anymore. He then that there are thousands of BM against anti BW behavior and I, get this, should try looking for them lol Once again the onus is on BW to search for these mythological BM.

    I’m so tired of it always being about them. We always have to hold onto the idea of “good BM”. We have to remember not to stereotype them, blah, blah,blah. They never return the favor, it’s so one sided. Not to mention how they believe they can just invade BW spaces and believe it’s our duty to hear advice from them (mostly on how we can please them MORE *smh*). Oh and another way to guilt BW into being silent is the usual “Stop the BM ain’t shit!”. We can’t talk about our experiences anywhere. These same BM don’t have the guts to rally against anti-BW sites and videos or to shut down DBR BM online or offline. BUT they do have the guts to come into BW spaces and chastise for us for having the audacity to FEEL frustrated and angry at mistreatment. I’d say many BW are stuck trying figure out and fix Black relationships (look at the media BW consume and that’s directed at us for example ALL Black movies are about how BW can get thru to BM *eyeroll* I’M BORED.) BM for the most part are OBSESSED with how racism affects ONLY them, how BW are holding them back, and acquiring non-BW (look at the media they consume and that’s directed at them. I’M BORED).

    I think BW have to remember though, that its not normal or ok to wallow and feel stuck when your unhappy. In order not to become a victim and make a change, you have to get get moving. Once you take the focus off other people, It can be scary because you’ll have to face being alone while creating the life you want.

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    • Neecy
      Nov 04, 2012 @ 08:41:18

      Yep JILL!!
      you said a mouthfull and then some. Its always about Black men “not all of them being bad”. Yet they disparage all Black women and the so called “decent” Black men who claim to “love Black women” sit quietly and never come to the defense. They think they are special and every discussion about Black males and their behavior, we should always MAKE SURE to make disclaimers about the “good” Black men even when they haven’t lifted a finger to stick up for the Black women they so call “love” wen their bretheren are publicly slandering Black women.

      And yes notice how in true fashion they come up in any discussion turning racism and everything into THEM. What did I point out in my Pedestalization post? LOL How people who are used to being pedestalized always feel its about THEM.

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  14. Robynne
    Nov 05, 2012 @ 17:11:57

    Agree with this post – there is no use adopting a victim posture. All you’re doing is making it easier for others to get ahead in this game called life when you voluntarily opt out of trying to make your circumstances better.

    Oh, and for the video referenced by the political derailment (sorry to derail the thread more…) – do a google search on this. It is interesting to see which websites are saying that the First Lady said such a thing. See the link below:

    http://www.politifact.com/truth-o-meter/statements/2012/jun/26/chain-email/river-school-lip-reading-damn-flag-first-lady/

    This all began with a chain email. Imagine that.

    This part was funny:

    “So what did she really say? The consensus on All Deaf, a website for people who are hearing impaired, was that she said, “It’s amazing how they fold that flag.” (However, one person speculated that she told her husband, “This is the third time this week you left your underwear on the floor… I ain’t your mother.”) ”

    That’s all I will say on this.

    *Bows out*

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    • Neecy
      Nov 06, 2012 @ 13:21:09

      THANK YOU ROBYNNE!

      I am not surprised at the measures people take to discredit this woman. its sickening and borderline INSANE.

      I watched the video and certainly did not feel that is what she said. And with the way he agreed and nodded it makes perfect sense to me she was saying something positive.

      I should have known it was coming and being pushed by a certain segment of people trying to discredit every damn thing she says.

      Like I said, if you have a problem with Obama deal with HIM and don’t vote for him! Jesus! I can’t stand when people drag their political nonsense in places where it wasn’t even called for.

      I don’t bother with political discussion for that VERY REASON. People don’t know how to act and have a civil discussion without bing rude and calling people out of their name. UGH. But why take your crap out on his wife? People act as if she is supposed to be rallyiing for the opposing party and if she doesn’t she is an abomination. I am so beyond sick of it.

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      • foosrock!
        Nov 07, 2012 @ 02:40:53

        Neecy, I believe this attitude comes from OLD entitled white men. They can’t concede. Their jealousy makes them hateful. Too bad we can’t erase them from this world!

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        • Neecy
          Nov 07, 2012 @ 08:02:02

          Well we see where these attitudes are getting them and their party. NOWHERE.

          Its sad b/c there are so many people like myself who would vote Republican if the right candidate presented themselves. but the way these Republicans and their SUPPORTERS act is a complete turn off!

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          • Ray
            Jan 16, 2013 @ 19:55:58

            The last good republican president we had was Eisenhower and he would be considered a liberal today! Hell, even Reagan wouldn’t be considered conservative enough! The republican party has been taken over by the right wing lunatics and until they cut loose the racist misogynistic teabaggers their chances of winning elections would be right up there with winning the lottery!
            I don’t think anybody on this site thinks racism doesn’t exist, but most are in agreement that it is too often used as a crutch and that those that do are so self absorbed that they refuse to consider that black women have it even worse!
            Take a look at the signs and language used at those teabagger rallys, all that’s missing is the white sheets and a cross burning! These republicans can’t even compromise on some sort of sensible gun legislation! I guess you can’t get much done when you’re so firmly planted up the posteriors of the NRA! How much of a spine implant do you need to try and keep mentally ill people from having access to assault weapons?

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