THE VICTIM MENTALITY
“I HAD A HORRIBLE PAST AND I WILL ALWAYS SUFFER WITH THIS”
“I HAD A HORRIBLE CHILDHOOD AND THAT IS WHY I AM WHO I AM”
“SO AND SO DID THIS TO ME TO MAKE ME THE WAY I AM NOW”
“I CAN’T *REALLY* CHANGE B/C SO AND SO WON’T LET ME”
”I CAN’T CHANGE B/C OF MY PAST AND HOW IT HAS AFFECTED ME”
These are the kinds of “affirmations” people use to have others feel sorry for them and to somehow mentally take the onus off of themselves as individuals to improve their lives.
Breaking the victim chain is hard for a lot of people b/c its so much easier to always rely on other things, reasons, situations and people as to why you are “helpless” in your life. It’s a lot easier to keep blaming a bad history or past on the perpetrators who very well may be real, than to work on yourself to overcome the continuance of being the victim – even when the situation is no longer around, viable or even the perpetrators who hurt you no longer exist.
Unless you are currently living in some Middle Eastern country where dictatorship exists and you have no power at all, then I don’t care to hear it. If you live in a place where you are able to take control of your own destiny and future and can move freely without being bombed to pieces, and have full capacity to *your own mentality* and way you see and process things, then save it!
This is not to say that one should not look at the pain in their past and use that a way to leverage themselves into a better place. Lets face it – a past (bad or good) does play a part of the present. But too many people use their past as a CRUTCH to never try improving themselves and changing their frame of mind from the VICTIM MENTALITY to the VICTOR MENTALITY.
Its like people who come from childhoods that weren’t so great. They either had bad relationships with a parent(s) who didn’t;t care about them. Or they were abused in some way. All tragic and unfair things to happen to any child. And yes people are a product of their environments UNTIL a certain age.
Once you become an adult and are able to physically remove yourself from those situations that you couldn’t as a child, then it is up TO YOU to get the help you need to overcome the mental and emotional stains that follow from the past. Too many people expect and wait or rely on the monsters of their past to “fix” them since it was they who created that damage. Don’t hold your breath b/c that is not how it works even 99% of the time.
Adults are adults b/c they now have the power and means (and experience and mental capacity) often to make the changes in their life they want and to basically live the life they want without having to rely on others.
People who continue to use their hard past as a way to “explain” away why they cannot (as ADULTS) improve their lives or why they continue to wallow in DYSFUNCTION as adults are dysfunctional and need to understand that it is only *THEY* who can break that victim cycle of feeling sorry for ones self and actually doing what it takes to make the second half of your life as an adult the life YOU want it to be.
You cannot change the past and you cannot change other people or what they did to hurt you. But you can change your way of thinking and living so that you no longer allow those past situations consume you and your adult life (the time when you can actually make a positive difference in your own life).
If people or persons in their adult years continue walk around using a not so rosy past as a *HANDICAP* to never self improve, then they will find themselves continuing spiraling down that Black hole of dysfunction which is now SELF INFLICTED and will never come out of it. WHY? because you cannot change the PAST! You cannot change what others did to you in the past! YOU can however, CHANGE YOURSELF and your mentality and SITUATION so that you no longer allow those things to consume your future.
LETS TALK BLACK PEOPLE AND SLAVERY
PEOPLE – SLAVERY ENDED EONS AGO
OK. Slavery in America happened. It sucked. And no we should never forget about it. EVER. But what does “never forgetting about it” mean?….. in a HEALTHY WAY?
The saying goes – if you don’t know your history you are bound to repeat it. I believe that and I believe that people need to use their history as a way to IMPROVE their lives and enhance their lives from what they maybe possibly were robbed of or were unable to get while in that situation. NOT as a crutch or a pocket excuse to get away with continuous failure and dysfunction and not improving generally as a person or group.
I’m just gonna say it – BLACK AMERICANS NEED TO STOP WITH THE SLAVERY EXCUSE already!
Especially when its time to pay the piper on owning up to the downright dysfunction that has consumed Black people and culture as a whole!
No one of this time or era lived during slavery and better thank your lucky stars you DIDN’T. That also includes the WHite people. NOW, yes we do come from ancestors who were either slaves and yes WHite people still benefit in some ways from the ancestors of their past who made sure WHite supremacy stayed in power with money.
BUT at the end of the day slavery is no longer practiced in the UNITED STATES! That means, that the reason i can sit on a brand new Mac computer that I bought with my own hard earned money, the reason why you can get a job, have internet service and basically thrive and be who and all you want to be – that means and says to me slavery is looong over. Our ancestors who were slaves:
— Couldn’t eat what and when they wanted
— Couldn’t come and go as they pleased
— Couldn’t live where they wanted
— Couldn’t *be* who they wanted
— Didn’t receive pay for their work
— Were beaten if they did not obey
— Couldn’t vote
— Couldn’t be educated
I can go on.
My question is:
Is there a WHite man with a whip hovering over you yelling like a crazed lunatic calling you N word this and that and forcing you to obey his every command?Are White men keeping you from reading a damn book? Are WHite men keeping Black parents from making EDUCATION a priority in their homes and not just leaving it up to “school officials” to take up all the slack? Are white men forcing Black women and men to pro create out of wedlock? Are WHite men forcing Black men to sell drugs in their communities? Are White men keeping Black men from treating their women like HUMAN BEINGS?
Can any Black person TODAY say that they can or cannot do those things, make their own decisions, be who they choose to be, live how they want to live, etc?
EXACTLLLLY! The point I am making is Black people today are responsible for their own fate.
The first thing the slavery holder onto’s point out is that the reason Black people suffer with certain dysfunction’s today is b/c of the *effects* of slavery. M’kay. Slavery happened damn near 800 or more years ago. How in the hail can there still be “effects” of slavery from dang near thousand of years ago UNLESS – Black people are passing down the same old negative BS from generation to generation???
Yeah that is what is happening. instead of breaking the chain, you have generations of generations of Blacks passing down that “woe is us the black people cause we were slaves” as an EXCUSE to never be held accountable for anything negative that they do in America – including our own dysfunction and shitty behavior and ways of living and doing.
“BLACK MEN WERE THE ONLY SLAVES”
*SIGH* I really love it when Black women and Black men alike loooove to go on and on about why Black men can’t get ahead, why they are such crappy excuses for men etc. Why they ”don’t really like Black women”.
And its ALWAYS because of SOME WHITE MAN. Some WHITE MAN in a suit. That means for every Black man there is a WHite “MASTER” in a suit hovering over him with a whip and a gun forcing him to be the way he is and make the choices he is making. Black men are not responsible for the way they think and act b/c of slavery and how its has messed them up. Black men are not responsible for their shitty dysfunctional behavior and treatment towards their women and children b/c of the “WHite male slave master” hovering over them 24/7 causing them to be helpless and forcing them to obey his every command – including but not limited to:
— Abusing and mistreating Black women
— Terrorizing their own communities, women and children
— Abandoning their duties as men and fathers of their communities and children
— Selfishly only looking out for each other and their own best interests
— Not seeking education
— Being the majority in prisons
I can go on….
Oh and let’s not forget the fact that people also seem to forget that Black women were *GASP* also SLAVES during that time. WHAT NEECY?? You mean to tell me Black women were also affected by slavery tooo and not just Black men????
Where is that “slack” for the Black women who were subjected to slavery? Never mind we don’t need it!
I am so utterly SICK of the constant excuse ridden slavery bullshit – especially when it comes to “protecting” dysfunction in the Black community and with Black men I can scream!
BLACK WOMEN BETTER GET WITH THE PROGRAM – AND QUICK
If you’re re a Black woman tied to slavery excuses for why Black men are for the most part crappy men, then please do us all (especially young Black girls and children) a favor and walk off a cliff. I’m serious. because YOU are part of the bigger problem on why things will never improve – especially for BLACK CHILDREN.
AT this point I don’t care about what decisions silly adults make. but i do care about innocent Black children who have no real say in their situations and who are becoming apart of a vicious cycle of VICTIM mentality DYSFUNCTION SELFISH ridden Black people (ADULTS) who are not creating better quality of life for Black women, girls and children b/c they are so caught up in blaming, complaining and being a “helpless” victim.
As long as some Black woman is walking around telling Black men and everyone “it aint your fault for why you have chosen to be a loser, why you have chosen to not be a father to your kids, why you continue to abuse and terrorize the women and children in your own communities, why you continue to take Black culture on the downward spiral that it is, why you continue to do crime and make up more than half of the prison population” Black men and people will NEVER improve b/c they will never see it as their own FAULT as to why they are in the situations they are in.
And when you do not see anything as your own doing but the doing of others, you continue shitty dysfunctional behavior b/c you feel that the only thing that can *CHANGE* you is OTHER PEOPLE (i.e. DA WHITE MAN) “causing” you to be who you are and do what you do.
The problem with Black males is they TRULY do not see themselves as the problem. They believe everything is the result of what the WHITE MAN is or has done. And they receive that validation from STUPID Black women who keep spewing that CRAP in their ears and to the world!
So yes, Black women you’re re part of the problem if you continue making excuses for why Black men treat YOU, YOUR CHILDREN, YOUR COMMUNITIES like 10 day old garbage.
OUR BLACK ANCESTORS OF THE PAST WERE THE VICTORS!
You wanna talk about slavery? lets talk about how even in the MIDST and post era of slavery Black people seemed to have it well together. Black people had thriving communities. Were somehow able to educate themselves even when they were legally kept from being educated. How they had stable families and fathers and men who protected their kids, raised them and taught them RIGHT FROM WRONG. How the women were treated as women and were not subjected to expletives such as “bitches and hoes”.
My oh my how they managed to overcome AND THRIVE LIKE NORMAL CITIZENS AND HUMAN BEINGS in the face of some serious adversary! DURING and post slavery.
This is the thing we should be focusing on when it comes to slavery. How well our ancestors did to make our lives better. How they didn’t lay down and complain about their situation and managed to pull themselves up by the bootstraps and make shit happen so that WE ungrateful AND LAZY African Americans of today can have the lives and quality of life we have compared to what they had!
Instead of looking to the positive to encourage us today when we may face some adversary – we look at all the negatives and want to use that as reasons why TODAY we can’t “make it” or “do this” b/c we are being “held back” and why we act like dysfunctional FOOLS in society – allllllllllllllllllllll because of WHite supremacy or WHite men in power. NOT because of OURSELVES!
Yet no one wants to talk about how we even MADE IT to where we are today – because that would mean you cannot be a victim and would have to RECOGNIZE the strides made by our ancestors when they barely had pots to piss in and were being treated INHUMANLEY. We are here today as Blacks with the freedom to make our own best or bad choices, to live and give our children and communities the best quality of life, and we throw it all away b/c we are to LAZY to improve ourselves and too UNGRATEFUL to look at past Blacks who paved the way through some really tough times.
NO MORE EXCUSES. SLAVERY IS NO LONGER A VIABLE EXCUSE FOR ANY BLACK PERSON TODAY FOR ANYTHING!
YOUR PAST IS NO LONGER A VIABLE EXCUSE FOR WHY YOU CONTINUE TO DEAL IN DYSFUNCTION IF YOU ARE A FREE WILLED AND BODIES ADULT.
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!