Somewhere some masculinized extreme feminist biddies are crouching down in horror at the thought. But when has Neecy ever ceased to make them uncomfy??



Damnit! We all know February is the month for some reason that people love declaring certain things for the entire 28 days (lol ironically its the shortest calendar month in the year).

Black History month

Heart disease Health month

Kids oral health month

The fall in love month

The wash your ass everyday month

The look your best month

The music celebration month

The baby making month

MY GOD! The list goes on. So I feel – if you can’t beat em, join em. Why not add juuuust ONE MO’ item to that list? While femininity should be celebrated all the days of a woman’s life, why not make a month where we do a microscopic focus on what is sooooo wonderful about being a woman and not being a man with a vagina???

And this month I will *ATTEMPT* to do a post each day (if you hold me to that you are the fool 😛  you have been forewarned Nesters!).

where was I?

Oh I was saying how I was going to do a post each day (some long, some short) on femininity and why it should be celebrated or something of that sort.

In society today, I feel women feel femininity by nature is INFERIOR. That is b/c so many women in these current generations have felt that the only way to be powerful and accomplished and WORTHY as a human being and woman, that we have to take on more masculine identities, roles and characteristics. Everything has to be based in masculine attributes, wants, desires.

I find women get really uncomfortable with the attributes to the very things that make a woman a woman. The first thing that pops out of their mouth is you are “downgrading” “reducing” them and making them to be “USELESS”.

WOmen today in a modern western OVERLY EXTREME feminist culture take issues with anything having to do with femininity being a positive affirmation of womanhood,

b/c the quest is to compete with men on their turf, for every damn thing!

To have what men have.

“I am a worthy woman a POWERFUL woman and person now that I am CEO of YOU DA MAN corporation!!! All you baby making, housewives can look and learn from a  REAL woman on what it means to be an ACCOMPLISHED individual and woman. Put down those bibs, onesies, diapers and drooling things that you call infants. Put away your milk induced breasts you are feeding those rugrats! GET on board with THE BOARDROOM, and what being a REAL woman and a REAL accomplished woman means. And that is shattering the glass ceiling and getting everything men have accomplished for CENTURIES!! WOOT WOOT Pass da beer bitches!”

“*BURP* “

“say excuse me??? You male identified docile, submissive loser of a woman! I’ll be damned if you reduce me to that by asking me to say excuse me after I burp! if a man doesn’t have to say excuse me after burping then WHY SHOULD I?????”

“Cross my legs? NO. Why should I have to sit with my legs crossed and closed? DO men have to do it? My vagina and all the goods in between my legs is not a THREAT it should be embraced and everyone should feel comfortable with seeing it. That is what is wrong with the world – they hate VAGINAS and the thought of seeing one  is just another manifestation of HATRED of women”

To be what men have been.

“I am working on being an airline pilot! WHY? Not because I really am passionate about being one or really want to be one for self fulfillment, but just because all of the 58465845 airline pilots have all been MEN in the past and we simply need more women doing that.”

To think like men think.

“I banged a whole host of hot men in my prime days and I am damn proud of it!!!

*crotch scratch*

“YES I scartched my vagina AND??? if men can walk around adjusting their goods then I can adjust mine in public view TOO!!!”

To do what men do.

“I am walking around topless to make a point. NOT because my girls need to breath! If men can walk around shirtless and not be groped or stared at, then damnit WHY CAN’T I AS A WOMAN??”

“I am a slut and damn proud of it b/c men have been sluts since the beginning of time and are never referred to that based on the number of partners thay have!! Women shouldn’t feel ashamed about the number of partners they have had!  I am proud of the 8326748736587468498376985476759876549867598674938743987529572-95 men I have slept with in the last 2 years!”

*Mr.Right walks in*

“oh you don’t want to get serious? oh so you just wanna USE ME for sex??. Yeah you know, I think its unfortunate more men don’t settle down with good women like myself! You don’t know good women when you see them!  I mean all of us women are tried of these loser guys  like you who just want to use us for sex and not commit. HUH? What is my sexual partner count? UHM THAT IS RUDE, NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS and its SEXIST question for you to ask any woman!”

To accomplish what men have accomplished.

“OMG! Let the heavens open up. I just threw a ball as far as a man. i just kicked a ball as afar as a man. I can run as s fast as a man. I can lift a MAC TRUCK just like a man!! I am special. I am now a worthy woman on this earth since I can do what men have been doing for the longest. HEY hat do you mean I cannot apply for a position on the Pro football teams!! SEXIST!!”

*woman admitted to football team*

“OUCH! OMG! WTF!! Are you kidding me right now! You could kill me running at me and tackling me like that! I am a woman! please recognize you can really hurt me by tackling me like that!”

Am i saying that women should not be ambitious and seek things and/or professions and such that have been held traditionally by men? Am I saying women cannot be just as good in positions and doing things as men?NO. I am saying, women need to stop measuring everything they do based on MEN. No wonder so many women resent womanhood. They feel masculinity is superior in nature and they want to get it for themselves WHILE ALSO hating men for doing it.

IOW’s the only way a woman these days can be revered as a REAL WOMAN a FORCE TO BE RECKONED WITH a REAL ACCOMPLISHMENT is simply by judging her accomplishments, actions, demeanor, attitude in the realm of what has worked for men and made them successful as a gender.


How unfortunate that women can’t see what is so great about OUR abilities as women and the ways in which make us a gift to this earth!

How unfortunate is it that a woman that embraces what comes to her naturally as a woman and a GIFT is seen as worthless, useless, lacking, not good enough.

There are women who even balk at giving birth. They hate the idea of any person saying that a woman giving birth, carrying and nurturing human life in her womb is a GIFT of womanhood. They get CRAZED MAD!! They tell you, “you are reducing women to baby making machines and housewives with no ambition.”

There are women who balk at the idea of women BY NATURE being nurturers. Why would a woman get upset at the idea of someone saying that women are nurturing by nature? Because she HATES womanhood and views it as inferior! That is why.

Any woman who likes being a woman, who has more womanly attributes and characteristics, more traditionally womanly behaviors and thought processes, is ridiculed and looked down upon – by none other than WOMEN. Women with something to PROVE for artificial reasons and phony feelings of accomplishment.

Modern day women get CRAZED mad if you dare suggest that a woman be led by more of her feminine NATURAL qualities than seeking to follow int eh shadows of men and feel only worthy then.

On the other hand, men LOOVE and embrace women who exude more feminine qualities by nature than masculine qualities.


Who really hates WOMEN and the idea womanhood? Is it *REALLY* women? Women who want to use their femininity when CONVENIENT and talk about how useless and worthless it is when its not so convenient for them?

Let’s discuss!!!


40 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Neecy
    Feb 01, 2013 @ 12:11:57

    I’ll be the first to start.

    Recently. VERY RECENTLY I was on a forum (an all woman’s forum) and I had the unfortunate task of exhausting every energy I had in defending womanhood and why women should not do what men do even if they can. Why things just are different sometimes in the results of our actions as women compared to men.

    In terms of the slippery slope there is when women wanna have all the casual sex they want and then want men to commit and respect them as women.

    The hypocritical and contradictory ways in which women claim to be proud and empowered by their sexual promiscuity (like men) but when the time comes to really “BE ABOUT IT” and admit their sexual lose behavior to men who they want to settle down with or see them beyond a piece of flesh, it suddenly is not so PROUDFUL 9is that a word?) to be a promiscuos woman b/c of course she wants something that comes with a man wanting a woman who is not a floozie.

    See how that works? IOW’s women claim they should not be SHAMED or SLUT SHAMED for their sexual loose behaviors, but it is these same women who are often to ASHAMED to admit to that lifestyle when it matters in terms of her settling down and finding a SUCKER to swoop her up and make her an “honest” woman.

    I saw a wonderfully written article and author (see here: http://elegantblackwoman.blogspot.com/2013/01/my-sex-life-is-none-of-your-business-or_27.html) get torn to SHREDS by WOMEN!

    WHY? Because women can be quite delusional. many woman want to be able to do all kinds of shit, have all kinds of questionable behaviors and lifestyles WHILE also feeling as if they have the rights to quality men who should respect them as women.

    last I checked male sluts were not complaining about all the lack of quality women to commit to them. Male sluts are not asking in one breath for women to respect their slutty behaviors, and then respect them as men despite their questionable behaviors. Last I checked males sluts, usually take great pride in having “sewn their oats” and will almost admit it to NAYONE including the women in their lives after they have converted.

    But of women want to have that same benefit, women need to pick one side and choose it and stop pussyfooting and trying to get both ends of the vibrator!

    Either women want to CELEBRATE sexual promiscuity at all times , even when it risks them losing out on a quality man or they don’t and start cleaning up their behaviors and actions as to create a better sexual marketplace where women are taken seriously by men outside of their sexual willingness and abilities!

    Plainly put, women want to act like the boys sexually, but don’t want to deal with t he consequences of that behavior on an individual level and a greater scale.

    Then they wanna scratch the eyes out of women who claim that true femininity is NOT about taking up some of the less than stellar behaviors of men and embracing the reality that a feminine woman understands that her sexual actions and behaviors have different consequences than those of men who do the same.



    • Jer Littrell
      Feb 05, 2013 @ 17:44:37

      I read the article from Elegant Black Woman. I really enjoyed that! Thank you for sharing it!

      The heart of this issue is about VALUE….

      A slut is ANYONE who’s only value to society is selling their body for sex. Since prostitution is illegal in most places in the US, value is perceived somewhat differently. In places where prostitution is legal (many countries in Europe and elsewhere), when one solicits a prostitute, the arrangement is clear-cut and straightforward. In the US, where it’s illegal, things have to be covered up and masqueraded as other things.

      For example, an American male cannot simply offer a woman money for sex because it’s illegal and there’s a social stigma about that due to the fact that it’s illegal. So instead, an American male simply shows a woman who’s believed to be a “slut” a good time by taking her out; he may even go as far into creating a facade that they are in a real relationship. When in fact, he really just wants sex.

      With that being said, an American male has to provide products and services that many people in society want. This enables him to earn money that allows him to take a woman places, maybe buy her things, and also buy himself things that he believes others will attractive. Men intuitively see, feel, and believe they have to DO things in order to “get laid.” They have to BECOME SOMETHING and DO SOMETHING of… VALUE… for society…. This has to occur PRIOR to them even attempting to meet women.

      So the male “slut” doesn’t really see himself as one according to my definition of the word. Because he believes that’s not the only source of his value. What he does for society (his occupation) enables him to acquire the resources he needs in order to attract women if he assembles them in the proper way. What he BECOMES in the PROCESS of acquiring those resources is also his IMAGE that he believes attracts women.

      Not to mention that the social norm is that men approach women first!

      So not only does a man have to become something and do something that has value to society, then he has to go out and INITIATE social interaction with women in order to find a woman who will have sex with him.

      A female “slut” on the other hand, really doesn’t need to offer much value to society PRIOR to becoming a “slut”. She can simply BE a “slut”.. She can only bring sex to the table, and a good number of men will take care of everything else (food, shelter, water, warmth, etc.). This is a “slut” at the extreme.

      Of course, most women who are identified as “sluts” have a job; that is, they become and do something for society that has value. But oftentimes this job, that thing they do for society, isn’t perceived to be of much value. When this type of “slut” introduces herself to a man, she most likely doesn’t mention her job very much. That’s because she believes he doesn’t care about that (and she’s most likely CORRECT)… because she knows society doesn’t value what she does… Society tells her she doesn’t have much value because of the little financial rewards and benefits they are willing to give her.

      So she finds herself stuck in a situation where the only value is her appearance!

      So that’s where the so called “double standard” comes about. A man has to become something and do something of value for society before he can have a realistic chance of even ATTEMPTING to be a “slut”.

      Then he has to exert… wait for it… DOMINANCE… by approaching a woman FIRST.

      The female “slut” doesn’t have to do much of any of that. A female “slut” only has to produce enough value for society to where she can afford to eat, breathe, and sleep. If she can muster up enough resources to appear attractive to men. Then some man, somewhere not far from her, will be more than happy to have sex with her. They will come to her! All she has to do is sit still on a barstool, and a man will approach her.



      • Neecy
        Feb 05, 2013 @ 19:14:44

        Interesting take Jer. And I agree. I do think both men and woman are valued in society for different things. But for women that value (sexual value) drops significantly as she gets older while men are still able to use the very things that make him valuable throughout his life even in older age (usually his job and status).

        This is why its important for women to use their attractiveness and sexuality in ways that will benefit them throughout a lifetime vs. hitting a wall once she is no longer in prime years where women in society are deemed at their highest physcially.

        IOW’s a feminine woman can carry feminine traits through her young prime years and through her adulthood and still be seen as attractive and still have the confidence that she is still worthy without feeling that it is solely her looks she has to depend on for the first half of her life, while struggling in the second half of her life to maintain a sense of feeling attractive after ages where women’s social physical beauty declines.

        If feminism TODAY was doing its job to take the movement further in improving the lives and mentality of women, they would encourage women to not place so much focus on using her body and looks as a tool of “empowerment” in getting sex (which is easy and fleeting), and rather teach women how to take their feminine qualites and attractiveness and use it in ways where it can never “hit a wall” after a certain age.

        I still see women who are well over prime years and almost even in senior years who still are beautiful, feminine and confident. That is because they relied on a more long-term notion of beauty (femininity) and not the short term.

        i also see those women who are struggling to let go of the reality that after a certain age she can no longer depend on her looks to get her by. There has to be something other going on to fulfill that void and to carry her throughout life feeling worthy and accomplished other than her looks and sexuality which declines.

        it was set up that way biologically! That is why i say women need to understand and work more on creating a foundation on womanhood instead of fighting against it. The reason why women are more at their height of their beauty and fertility in younger years is for her to use that to her advantage to get a worthy and quality mate. Not to squander it being sexually loose and increasing the odds of becomming damaged goods later as she ages and realizes she can no longer rely on that to get her by with men. As she gets older in the second half of her life she should be more focused on celebrating the things that make her a woman that go beyond sexuality and looks.

        This is why a lot of women struggle as they age. usually 40 is that age where women start feeling the decline of their “sexual value” overall in society compared to the days when they were in their 20’s. This does not MEAN women are declining in looks, it just means at this age, the way it was set up, was for women to have something more to grasp onto other than their physciality and looks.

        Its true what you say. Women do not have to do much to get sex and to be “slutty”. That is why i look confused when some women act like having free for all sex is “empowering”. How can something be “empowering” if you do not have to work hard to do it or get it? Some women act like being able to bed men is a hard and special “task” reserved for special women. LOL. Almost any woman these days can get laid without trying.

        That is why I say feminism has it all wrong when they tell or promote this idea that sleeping around (for women) is empowering. Plainly put its EASY. Sex is the easiest way to appeal to a man. As you said, it doesn’t take much for a woman to get sex or to be appealing to the average man if she is attractive or makes herself up to be attractive.

        However, it *IS* much harder to illicit and receive comittments from quality men who are willing to settle down with a woman and marry or just make her his long term mate.



      • Ray
        Feb 06, 2013 @ 12:52:52

        I disagree. A “slut” is a woman who can’t control her sex drive! A prostitute sells her body for sex. Men aren’t all sluts but most of us are. We start thinking about sex from the moment we hit puberty! Most of the time dating in a mans mind is hopefully going to lead to sex and in a womens mind to a long term relationship. We don’t date with the impression that we are getting a slut. We date with the “hope” we are getting a slut! Of course we only want them to be a slut just for “us” if we decide to make the date into an LTR. LOL! In other words men will date a slut but most men will not marry a slut! The general feeling is we don’t want to bust our butt all day while she’s shagging the mailman! Different relationships have different rules! Movie stars, rock stars and athletes don’t have to wine and dine a woman if he wants sex! There are always a slut or two waiting around after the concert or for the game to be over or the last scene has been shot for the day! Do you really think that if George Clooney or Ryan Gosling didn’t have GF’s that they would have any trouble getting laid? The rest of us shlubs have to do it the hard way! Yes, the dreaded “dating ritual”! Men got the short end of the stick, because even though both men and women like sex, women have more control over their sex drives. So, unless we start getting a lot more self control, we will have to wine and dine them if we want to eventually get sex!



        • Jer Littrell
          Feb 06, 2013 @ 15:48:48

          I find it interesting how there doesn’t seem to be a universal definition of the word “slut”. If a “slut” is anyone who can’t control their sex drive, then is “control” referring to their inability to maintain a sex life with only ONE person?

          If that’s the definition we’re going with, then is the person still a “slut” if they are in a mutal agreement with the other person to sleep with other people. Some people may have polyamorous relationships where it’s mutually agreed by all parties to have multiple intimate relationships. Some married couples are “swingers”. Are these people still “sluts” even though it’s mutually agreed upon? Can those people have a right to claim they aren’t “sluts” because following their mutually agreement requires SOME sexual control? For example, if they had an intimate relationship with someone that the other parties in the mutual agreement didn’t know about, and the agreement was that all parties needed to know, then that would demonstrate a lack of “control”.

          Most people simply label someone a “slut” if they have excessive sex. But then how do we define “excessive”? What is the Daily Recommended Allowance for sex? :-p



          • Ray
            Feb 07, 2013 @ 02:01:32

            But who’s to decide the definition to “too much” sex? To some it means sleeping with too many sexual partners. For others it means anybody who has pre-marital sex (my ex believed in too much “Post” marital sex too! LOL! Everybody has their own opinion on sluttiness! Some people think that if you want it more than they do, you’re a slut!

            Basically, I think people just use it as an insult to women. I don’t know any guy who would be bothered by the label unless it was directed at his woman! You can call us sluts all you want, except for the prudes, many of us consider it as a badge of honor! I hate to be blunt about it, but I’ve always felt that it was wrong to focus on being chaste until marriage. First of all, how do you know if your sexually compatible? He might like it every night ( most guys can’t get enough once the lady has opened the golden gate) and she might think once a week is enough. That kind of relationship is not going to work! If you’re not each flexible you’ll be divorced quicker than a Hollywood couple! Secondly, although money issues are the number one reason for divorce, infidelity is a strong number two! When premarital virgins start seeing stress in their marriage, they tend to think I married the only person I will ever sleep with for the rest of my life! What if there’s somebody better out there?That’s when the cheating starts! I’m not trying to promote sexual promiscuity, but I would never commit myself to one person for life without being sexually compatible! You’re just asking for trouble. Before all you pie eyed optimists deny this, the truth is these relationships seldom last and the ones that do usually revolve around either two miserable people or two cheating ones.

            Remember high school? The girls with the promiscuous reputations were sought after by the guys but loathed by the girls! It’s funny, when women call each other sluts, it’s the extreme insult but if a guy has a lot of notches in the bedpost he is revered! We want sluts when it comes time to lose our virginity but we seldom marry them! I’ll be the first to admit, it’s not a fair system but right now its the only one we got!



          • Neecy
            Feb 10, 2013 @ 09:21:06

            IMO Jer,

            My idea of a slut has more to do with her lack of self restraint that she sleeps with tons of random men who simply show sexual interest and nothing more. She has no real concern for herself or body to make sure she is at least being with a man who sees her beyond her as a sexual quest. A woman that simply uses the easiest thing to get male attention and affection (sex). As stated, b/c its so simple for women to easily rely on sex in getting male attention, a woman who does this excessively with bunches of random men is IMO a “slut”. She will sleep with ANYONE under any kinds of circumstances just to fulfill her sexual needs.



  2. Marellus
    Feb 01, 2013 @ 13:44:56


    Plainly put, women want to act like the boys sexually, but don’t want to deal with t he consequences of that behavior on an individual level and a greater scale.

    Here is what I don’t understand :

    Are women just as voraciously sexual as men ?

    If yes, then why don’t you see women complaining about a lack of sex ?

    I’m pretty sure that some other commenters will come here and harp about feminism, the education system, VAWA, and whatnot creating a shortage of “good” men (because the rest have been so screwed over, they’re not good prospects) that women must resort to sex to get the chance of winning a relationship …

    … merely the chance …

    I think these are symptoms, and not the disease.

    Have you ever taken a tire and pushed it so that it runs on its own ? And have then run behind it and given it a funny tap ? And what happens then Neecy ?

    The tire starts running all funny and wobbly … it gets worse and worse … and then the tire falls flat.

    This is what is happening now. Things have been running well for quite some time, and then sometime in the past, we got hit with a funny tap. And now things are all wobbly and getting worse.

    What was the cause of that funny tap ?

    I think it’s something so obvious that we’re missing it. Something that is staring at us right in the face.

    I wish I knew what it was.

    Anyway, it seems that everything is gonna fall flat, and then we’re gonna start all over again.

    We’ll see.



    • Neecy
      Feb 01, 2013 @ 14:43:19

      Great points Marellus.

      Honestly I think that “TAP” is a mixture of things. But it boils down to people wanting to have their cake and eat it too.

      As far as women being as sexually voracious as men. I don’t think so, at least not on the same level as men.But then again I am a firm believer in the biological and characteristically differences in men and women. Therefore, in my belief men and women are wired differently and seek different things for different reason when it comes to things on a more natural innate level – including sex.

      So the short answer is NO. The proof is in certain things and chemicals that release with women sexually compared to men. Women release oxytocin which is a bonding chemical agent that comes after an orgasm, child birth, breast feeding. MEN do not have this same chemical release after sex. That alone tells me the difference and there is a reason.

      Obviously this is a natural thing that happens and signals to me that when God created woman with this particular chemical, it was for her to use it wisely for men who are potential husbands and fathers of her future offspring. To bond only physically with the men who are out to protect her and not use her.

      When women participate in open casual sex with too many men they do lose that protection. They are surrendering themselves and their bodies to men who may not have her ultimate best interest. Women are vulnerable in a sense compared to men. Not just physically but also emotionally in some areas too.

      A woman a FEMININE woman by NATURE is more inclined to protect her body from random verlie men. originally I think its was to protect her from childbirth with strange men or men who were not in the best interest of her or her future, or future offspring.

      Now that we have birth control and other external protective measures, women can do away with those “protective fears” b/c they have a pill to fix that “problem” should it occur.

      Modern day medicine and things has made a woman’s natural protective inclinations toward sex and consequences lessen, thus making women feel more free to partake in sexual lifestyles that are IMO naturally contradictory to our role as women on earth.

      A feminine woman understands that she was not meant to be a male sexual tool and practices great restraint when it comes to the men she allows in her sexual space.

      Does this mean women do not have urges? NO! WOmen are horny like men, but unlike men, women should be able to put that horniness in perspective and act on it in the most ideal situations – with men they are familiar with and who have shown an interest in her and care of her as a person FIRST and not as simply a vagina.

      I do not feel women are naturally inclined to sleep around with just any old guy. i believe its a culture issue that develops women’s appetities to have an overly abundant sexually irresponsible lifestyle that puts her emotionally and her body at risk. As long as women keep trying to keep up with the male “jonseses” while trying to fight against her natural tendencies and purpose as a woman, they wil have this issue.



  3. Neecy
    Feb 01, 2013 @ 14:58:13

    I also want to add that I think women have more power to change the social landscape than they are willing to admit.

    Because that would mean they’d have to adjust some questionable behaviors to accomplish that goal for the greater good.



  4. Jer Littrell
    Feb 01, 2013 @ 15:07:38

    I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about these issues after I took a sociology class in college. I think Karl Marx made some very good points in what is known as “Conflict Theory”. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conflict_theory)

    As someone who’s believed that capitalism is comparatively a superior economic system, I find myself feeling challenged with that view when looking at its effects on women and gender identity. For me, this is good because I always like my beliefs being challenged.

    This excerpt sums up the problem capitalism has created with women:

    “ The division between commodity production in the capitalist economy and
    reproduction of human beings and their ability to labor has long been identified by feminists as a fundamental process in women’s subordination in capitalist societies. This organization of social life carries contradictory potentials: production is organized around goals of capital accumulation, not around meeting the reproductive and survival needs of people. Women have been subordinate in both domains, held responsible for unpaid reproductive labor and consigned to positions with less power and lower pay than men within the sphere of production. Men, unburdened by reproduction responsibilities and already the major wielders of power, built the factories and railroads, and managed the developing capitalist enterprises. Thus, the structural and ideological division between production and reproduction was shaped along lines of gender and contributed to continuing gendered inequalities. This division emerged in the historical development of Euro-American capitalism, and contributed to a particular cultural/structural form of masculine dominance that was exported in the early phases of globalization. As Connell (2000) argues, “The colonial world saw the installation, on a very large scale, of institutions on the North Atlantic model: armies, states, bureaucracies, corporations, capital markets, labour markets, schools, law courts, transport systems. These are gendered institutions, and their functioning has directly reconstituted masculinities in the periphery.” (faculty.maxwell.syr.edu/mdevault/Critical%20Soc.Nov.03.pdf)

    When thinking about how these issues have affected me personally, I often have early childhood flashbacks of my parents fighting over money. My father felt that since he was the only person working and bringing home a paycheck, he was the only one who could make decisions in the relationship. My mother would constantly object and claim that her work as a mother and housewife has equal value; just because someone doesn’t write her a paycheck to do it, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t have value.

    My parents divorced when I was 18 years old. Afterward, I noticed my mother going through an independent woman phase where she seemed to be constantly needing to prove to herself that she didn’t need a man. She earned a Bachelor’s Degree and a Masters Degree. She felt proud that she could support herself financially. Once she reached the top of the corporate ladder, she seemed to still feel empty (I think..)… She later re-married and continues to live happily ever after. But the point is that I observed a woman who was proving to herself that she can be independent, acquire power, and determine her own destiny; but somehow she still felt as if she was walking in shackles…



    • Neecy
      Feb 05, 2013 @ 19:55:00


      Thanks for posting that excerpt. it is very true. A lot of the institutions, science, medicine, industrialism, corporations and societies were BUILT and created by males. There is that constant struggle with a woman and I understand at some level women do feel as if they have to compete with men on their turf in order to be IN and apart of the things DESIGNED by males.

      Therefore you have that struggle that so many women deal with. The desire to be that reproductive nurturing mother, wife and also that self fulfilled career woman that is satisfying her desires in whatever area she deems fit for her.

      BUT a lot of women simply do these things b/c they feel the only way to feel POWERFUL as a woman is that she has to have that career and PROVE to herself and society that as a woman she accomplished what men have been doing for centuries.

      My take is, women should acknowledge where men have made these strides and find their power, but also recognize where women fit into this model (on a very different level) and where we hold our power.

      Men build, but women are able to work within that structure and be dynamic. But what happens is when too many women start becoming obsessed with breaking the glass ceiling as opposed to just being comfortable with doing or being something other than to prove she can be just as powerful s a man, this creates problems.

      I read an article in a woman’s magazine about a year ago that addressed so many issues that a lot of young working career women are facing. The increase in suicide and prescription medications has increased in young career driven women. many of them are comitting suicide b/c they feel accomplished in one aspect of thier career, but also sometimes miss out on that other “feminine” desire to be in a loving relationship where she does not always have to be in control or PICK and choose. In terms of the prescription meds like atteral and other drugs that help to keep focused. Many women are relying on these things to “get by” in high pressure careers. they did several interviews with different women in high powered demanding careers and apparently this is very common in high stress high powered positions _relying on meds to stay focused.

      I know of so many women as well in the corporate world who are on anxiety meds to help deal with and get by in these jobs. They are feeling fulfilled in their careers to a certain degree and extent that they are independent, but they also struggle with the other side of sometimes having to be the breadwinner or more ambitious int he relationships among other things.

      Mind you this was a WOMAN’S magazine. Therefore there was no bias in this study to make women feel s if they should not be career driven. it was just asking some very poignet questions about why so many young women are so stressed. And part of that answer was that too many career women work overtime in proving themselves and that the pressure for women in high positions in the workplace to be just as successful as their male counterparts causes women to push some of the more innate things that we are drawn to just to break the glass ceiling.

      Am i suggesting women shouldn’t try to break the glass ceiling? Heck no! I think a woman should be and do whatever it is that drives her passions as a HUMAN being. But in that I wonder how many women are simply DOING to fit the bill of feminism that promoted this idea that a woman is only as powerful as her career and ability to move up the corporate ladder.

      Independence is great but it comes with a price sometimes. I think its innate for a woman no matter how high of a position she is in, to want, need and desire a male that has the kind of masculine quality and energy to make her feel as if she can trust him enough to let go in the relationship and sometimes let him take the reigns (in a healthy way of course).

      Too many women become so independent they have a hard time in relationships with men who do not stick around for very long. There is a fine line between a woman that can stand on her own two feet and a woman who is just too strong and independt for her own good.

      A man has to feel needed and wanted on some level. when women become overly independent, they become a turn off to quality masculine men. this does not mean he has issues, or wants a docile woman who has to lean and depend on him for everything. it just means that its innate for a truly masculine man to feel needed and wanted in a relationship. I see a lot of women who are so overly independent and “strong” the man feels like he is in competition with her vs. a relationship.



    • Neecy
      Feb 05, 2013 @ 20:05:18

      To a point to about men who are the breadwinners and their wives are stay at home mothers, often times this does put women in a position where she *is* at the mercy of her husband b/c he has the finances and usually the one with the finances who is taking care of the family calls the shots as you said.

      This is not always an ideal place or situation for a woman to be b/c it does put her at risk or makes her more vulnerable in some ways if her husband decides to leave or is abusive etc. This is where marriage laws and such are originated to offer protections for women b/c of the vulnerable state a woman is in, when she depends on her husband financially while she is raising the kids and taking care of the home.

      So its important for women to be able to have a sense of financial independence when necessary so that the relationship is more balanced in a sense. But for some women who are comfy with being stay at home mothers and allowing her husband to take care of the fianacial load I say that is also fine too.

      Also, some men do not know how to have a balanced level of masculinity that is not dominating/domineering towards the women. This is also another reason why women become so independent as to avoid being treated as if she is a child that is at the beck and call of a man in the relationship.



  5. Ray
    Feb 01, 2013 @ 17:34:25

    Although I’ve had experiences with a few sexually voracious women, I think they are in the minority! Thank God! Because if women were as bad as we male bastards, not only would nothing ever get done but we would have a serious overpopulation problem!
    I don’t like militant feminists any more than I like any other kind of militant! But, throwing the whole women’s movement under the bus is like throwing the baby out with the bathwater! Feminism, when not taken to the extreme, has been good for society.
    1. Feminism strives to get you equal pay for equal work ( apologies to those women that think the guy working next to you deserves to get paid more because he has testicles)
    2. Give your daughters the same access to play sports in school as your sons.
    3. To give you and your daughters the same chance to have careers in professions once dominated by men.
    4. And the opportunity to eventually become the CEO’s of corporations and more!

    I don’t agree with those that try to belittle women who have chosen to be wives and mothers just as I disagree with people who denigrate women that prefer to pursue careers instead! Women should be respectful of the others life choices! Some women were not meant to be mothers just as some men should never procreate either!

    I hope that women never give up the essence of femininity that makes them special! Besides nurturing children, art, exploration, architecture most of which would never have occurred without the inspiration of women! When you ladies start emulating men it will certainly be a race to the bottom!



    • Breanna
      Feb 02, 2013 @ 23:37:49

      Ray your comment is much more rational than this post. I have been reading your blog for a while, Neecy and I dont get how you can be against feminism or see it in such a male identified way. While I understand western feminism speaks more for white women it HAS helped all women. Implying that a feminist is unfeminine just because they are feminist is JUST AS BAD as what you say they do to you. And since when do extremists of ANY following embody the core meaning of what is to be followed? Thats like saying black video vixens or reality stars define all black women simply because they are more extreme and more visible. I see a lot of black women on BWE blogs disrespect feminism…thank feminism for allowing you the access to have a blog!! geez women can be so ungrateful…and its telling how it is becoming increasingly common for men to side or understand feminism whilst women try to hide it. You dont have to be feminist to be unfeminine.And you dont have to be feminine to be a woman. You just have to be the best you that makes you happy. THANK GOD FOR FEMINISM! I couldnt imagine not having the right to vote, travel at will, own property, go to school and so forth. Sometimes as women we need to see its ok to expect more from men and that we do not have to be seen as children to be his partner. If your partner needs to feel more empowered than you than you are in a dictatorship not a relationship. Femininity and masculinity are concepts as varied by nature. And in nature it is often the feminine that leads…if we want to take it to the natural order of things. Feminism keeps women living as well as they believe they could live. If you choose to see the extremist as the embodiment of feminism then you should hold no reservations to those who see NeNe as the embodiment of black women. There is nothing wrong with women asserting their life to live well…if we havent noticed, many men appreciate a woman with substance and self appreciation- its more than just sex…its how you hold yourself and what you expect in a relationship and not settling…THATS FEMINISM ! THATS FEMININITY! Everytime you tell a black woman not to settle she is using feminism to assert her femininity. They are not mutually exclusive concepts. Empowered women should not weaken real men. If he doesnt want you empowered..he doesnt want the best for you. Empowered is beautiful..sensual..regal…passionate….natural. If a man doesnt want all that in a woman then let him figure out what he wants…ALONE. Most women have never been and arent feminist and yet we still have long ways to go. So feminism is not to blame. For every 1 feminist thousands upon thousands are not. In fact women are the biggest advocates AGAINST feminism. So how can one blame what isnt even utilized. Blaming women for being fed up,however, and reacting to it is the EXACT SAME THING as blaming a black woman or any person of color for fighting against white supremacist systems. You do not have to be feminist to appreciate its contributions. Dismissing it to soothe mens egos only hurts both genders in the long run. No, you dont have to be feminist but before speaking on it-learn it. And be able to distinguish the true meaning from the media biased one. You would want the same respect as a BLACK WOMAN, so give what you get.



      • Breanna
        Feb 02, 2013 @ 23:42:33

        Ive read and liked your blog. I still do ofcourse. 🙂 just surprised with how this post contrasts with your assertions in others. I assumed you were feminist or womamist from the empowerment stance you took. Btw i love the concept and while im a womanist im definitely about feminine black women. But its all intersectes for me. The RIGHT to be feminine without having to answer to male gaze or opinion is essential to feminine growth. In my view



        • Elegance
          Feb 03, 2013 @ 13:31:12

          I wish there were paragraphs in here so I could keep my place.
          I think that people are really misunderstanding it when most women criticize feminism. They are talking about THIRD WAVE FEMINISM not all of it. Not sure when the Third Wave began but I started to have issues with feminism maybe starting in 1995-2000. So when a woman today says she is not a feminist, it probably means she does not identify with what she hears feminists talking about today. It has nothing to do with being ungrateful for the right to vote, work or go to school and I ‘m sure she is grateful to First and Second wave feminists for that. Please do not act as though Third Wave feminists are responsible for women’s right to vote and work because they are not. I’m not going to thank some teenager for my rights just because she calls herself a feminist.

          I can’t stand this idea that because many women benefited from earlier waves of feminism that they have to call themselves feminists to say thank you or something. I think the civil rights movement was great but I don’t call myself a civil rights activist. I am thankful for environmental improvements but I am not an environmentalist. I’m thankful for veterans of the world wars who kept us free but that doesn’t make me a veteran. Why is it that feminists are the only group demanding that women perpetually label themselves feminists as an homage for past deeds? No other group or ideology does this and it’s really weird!

          Also, being a feminist is totally different from being Black so please stop equating the two. Feminism is an ideology that someone chooses to believe and fight for. Being Black begins at birth, there is no choice, and it is not something that you are or are not based on beliefs. When a Black person behaves badly it is due to their choice, not due to some belief system that all Black people have. Some people will stereotype all Black people based on that and that is unfair. But, it’s not as though that misbehaving Black person is writing books and doing lectures about how enlightened they are for behaving and thinking in a certain way. That is the difference between Black people behaving badly and feminists behaving badly. Feminists go around writing books, newspaper and magazine articles, doing lectures, and having parades (e.g., Slut Walk) promoting their ideas in a way that is supposed to be legitimate, not just some work of artistic freedom. Black people who promote negative ideas are usually doing it as a work of questionable art (e.g. rap music) but no one equates feminist theory to “rap theory”.

          “Most women have never been and aren’t feminist and yet we still have long ways to go. So feminism is not to blame. For every 1 feminist thousands upon thousands are not.” So why were you surprised that Neecy wasn’t a feminist then? If so many women don’t want to be called feminists then do you not question whether there is something very unappealing or disagreeable about Third Wave Feminism? Also, a woman can be empowered and not be a feminist, those two things are not synonymous. There are women all over the world fighting for their rights but they don’t call themselves feminists. They just want human rights and happen to be women.



          • Neecy
            Feb 04, 2013 @ 16:09:55


            Thank you for coming in and putting it so eloquently!!

            its true, just b/c a woman does not identify with or agree with current feminism concepts doesn’t mean she is ungrateful for the work of the feminists of the past who actually DID SOMETHING of value for women.

            What we see of feminism today are a bunch of angry and delusioned women who just ride the coattails of feminism to do all kinds of crass and questionable things in the name of “freedom”.

            not only that the thing that *REALLY* bugs me about today’s feminism concepts and mindsets is that it has almost completely gone away from embracing and celebrating womanhood in favor of a more masculinized way for doing and thinking to feel “empowered”.

            I made this post not to put down feminism or question it. but to question what its *REALLY* about in the minds of so many women today. It seems today is less about making women better and more about making women feel that they have to be doing, acting and thinking like men to be accomplished, powerful, worthy and strong.

            And as you said, a woman does not NEED to be a feminist in order to be in control of her life! She doesn’t need to hinge onto a GROUP or certain mentality to make strides in her life as a woman.

            I am thankful for the women of the PAST who worked their butts of so that i can do meaningful and purposeful things in my life as a woman. I do NOT feel I need to be on a current day feminism bandwagon which IMO has become more political than helpful for women when we really get to the meat and guts.

            ironically, even int he past when feminism was at its height in making great changes for women, the divide between males and females even during this time was very small. Nowadays we must ask ourselves why the divide between men and women is so great and why so many women are comfortable with it being that way.

            I was making a point that we do need men in the same way that men need women. Having a divide between the two is NOT healthy and will continue to lead to a breakdown in society and the core values it takes to keep society thriving and afloat.

            So many women are more concerned with competing with men and such they are more inclined to see anything remotley and naturally feminine as WEAK.



        • Ray
          Feb 03, 2013 @ 18:13:39

          That is one of the problems I have with some feminist ideology. If you dress beautifully or sexily, men are going to look and they have every right to! Perhaps for some reason you dress this way for the appreciation of other women or your desire to embrace your feminine side. You’re still going to catch a heterosexual mans attention It’s part of human nature and the laws of attraction! I don’t think you deserve harrassment for it nor do I believe you deserve rape because of it! But if you look good we’re going to look! It’s not going to change. Get over it!



      • Ray
        Feb 03, 2013 @ 17:35:13

        I’m not against feminism. I’m sure I’m older than most of you here and I grew up in a different time when feminism was making great strides in giving you the rights you appreciate today! I think some militant feminists (these third wavers you talk about) today push it to the extreme. I can certainly see how Neecy and other women of her generation have been turned off by the antics of todays “feminists”! Some use it as a way to bash men and women that want to have the choice of being a housewife! It should be about empowerment, and supporting women in whatever they choose.

        Just as some militant black people use it to blame white people for
        EVERYTHING! It’s the same mentality! Trust me, you notice it more when you date interacially. I firmly believe in civil rights and the brave people that fought the hard fight but just like militant feminism, some people have to take what was originally a good decent ideology and take it way too far!

        I Think they give the original womens movement a bads name! Women still make less than 80 cents on the dollar to what men make for the same work and women are still denied in some arenas of reaching the same goals as their male counterparts. Girls are still second class citizens when it comes to sports in school. These are economic facts. These are the issues of feminism I agree with! I think that females today take for granted the progress that the (original) feminist movement has made in their lives

        I think women can care about womens rights issues and still be feminine!
        I have two sisters both as different as night and day. One very girly, grew up playing with Barbie, the other very much a tomboy who loved playing softball with my brother and me. She was devastated when she found out there wasn’t any softball programs for girls in high school where we grew up! I love them both equally! I think that if I had a daughter, I would want her to have the same chances to pursue her dreams as I would my son! Unlike many of todays feminists, I don’t believe having ovaries should give you any advantage but any girl that wants to try should have her shot!



        • Neecy
          Feb 04, 2013 @ 16:23:32

          I can certainly see how Neecy and other women of her generation have been turned off by the antics of todays “feminists”! Some use it as a way to bash men and women that want to have the choice of being a housewife! It should be about empowerment, and supporting women in whatever they choose.

          This is EXACTLY what i am getting at. of course I would be a fool as a woman to say that feminism is not needed. Feminism of today has not made any more evolving great advancements for women. We are still benefiting from the original feminist movement. There should have been other great strides made to complete what the original feminists may not have been able to address at that time.

          Now more than ever women are super competitive in unhealthy ways with one another. Now more than ever women still struggle with body issues and insecurities that revolve around shallowness and not really things that are truly meaningful to her development as a strong woman with a sense of confidence and self love. Now more than ever women are straying away from our natural feminine qualities in an effort to simplY *COMPETE* with men for political reasons and not personal self fulfillment. Now more than ever women in the working world are more stressed than ever and are on heavy meds (like atterall, anxiety and depression) b/c of the stress they put on themselves to be super successful and to prove themselves in the workplace. now more than ever women are binge drinking and having all kinds of unhealthy sexual hook ups leading to increased birth control and/or out of wedlock.

          I can go on! My point is what is feminism today really doing to advance women in these areas besides BLAME MEN? It seems like the quest to compete with men on an unhealthy level and for political reasons has left women in a clusterfuck.

          Women are more apt to psychologically hurt each other and break up “happy homes” b/c they feel the need to compete on that levee with one another.

          let’s not talk about how women for the most part treat each other in the workplace (corporate America) especially when there is a female supervisor involved.

          So much still needs to be accomplished and feminists today are not doing CRAP but fighting for the shit that doesn’t mean shit. Like slut walks, defending against slut shaming, downgrading womanhood and other things naturally womanly as WEAK.

          Its all about political nonsense today about “SISTERHOOD” but honestly when you look at “sisterhood” with a microscope – it aint there on a larger scale. Women killing and fighting women over men. Women calling each other FAT (yes even pregnant women are not safe from scores of women today ridiculing them and their bodies instead of being supportive).

          Look at what Jessica Simpson endured during her first pregnancy. How many women were pubicaly calling her all kinds of disgusting names b/c of her pregnancy weight gain?

          Then you wonder why some of us women are not with this whole political mess of “sisterhood”? B/C we see its not really there when you look closely at it and what its supposed to be.

          Women are far from being as supportive to each other than we need to be.



        • neurochick
          Feb 05, 2013 @ 07:09:31

          Ray, I do agree with you. I too am older than probably a lot of folks here, and I do remember when my mother couldn’t get a credit card in her name, after my father died. I also remember when Sears didn’t want to give credit cards to women in their own names, I had a hard time getting one myself in the early 80’s.

          Also I remember not making the same salary as a man who was doing the same job because the thought was that “oh honey, you’ll get married and have a man taking care of you.”

          One thing being my age did teach me though, whoever holds the purse strings, controls the relationship.



          • Neecy
            Feb 05, 2013 @ 20:16:18


            it is so true that whoever holds the money, is for the most part in control of the relationship.

            But I find women are not really content with being in that position today even though they claim to want it. It seems like this is where the struggle is. No woman wants to feel as if she is “taking are of a man” but no woman also wants to feel that she has to be “taken care of” in a sense that makes her feel at the mercy of a man that is trying to control the relationship b/c he has the money.

            B/C we all have been raised in societies for the most part where it is men who have always been the breadwinners and providers. Women still have that innate desire to be taken care of but also doesn’t want to compromise her independence.

            I think a lot of women struggle with this.

            Also in the past is was blatantly clear as to why so many males where making more money in positions as women. B/C hardly any women were in the workforce long enough to gain that advanatge.

            Today its a bit more complicated than just saying its sexism at play. I believe there are actual studies that show that men are more mobile in terms of moving around to get to better positions. When women become comfortable in positions, they are more likely to stay in those positions. men are more willing to take greater risks and leave more comfortable positions to keep leveling themselves up. Of course with leveling up career wise, comes more money. And this is mainly one of the reasons for the disparity in what women and men make.

            Just as their is an even greater disparity between what White women make and what minorities make.

            So while WHIET WOMEN may make less on the dollar than WHITE MALES, White women make more on the dollar than BLACK MALES and Black women.



      • Ray
        Feb 04, 2013 @ 04:42:07

        Hello Breanna,
        I don’t feel militants speak for whole groups of people. I think militants are basing their ideology on hate for either men or white people! These groups are no different than racist white people that want to blame black people for their problems!
        Women aren’t born feminists but use feminism to suit their needs. Some people can believe in the core principles of gender equality and others will pervert those principles to suit their needs! It’s possible to support women’s rights without hating men! Just as it’s possible to support civil rights without hating white people.
        I am a proud unapologetic liberal! We are the reason President Obama won the oval office not once but twice. We are the reason women’s rights and civil rights legislation passed.
        We support equality.
        There are a lot of women that don’t like to identify themselves as feminists! These mostly consist of either:
        1. Uninformed people who don’t understand how radically different their lives would be without it!
        2. Women who are appalled by the antics of what the new generation of feminists are doing, and don’t want to be associated with them or…
        3. Women that are tired of having to explain why they like men, like being feminine and and how they can be perfectly fulfilled by being a housewife and mother.

        I look at my nieces and want them to have the choices to pursue the life that makes them happy. By the way, I’ve dated career minded girls and the housewife types and like both kinds.



      • Neecy
        Feb 04, 2013 @ 15:58:40

        Hi Breanna thanks for your input.

        Maybe I should have made a blatant disclaimer that I am not against what the origination and true PURPOSE of feminism is about vs. what it has become today. In my own opinion feminism today IS EXTREME!

        of course I appreciate the foundation and the original concepts of feminism b/c without such I would not have the opportunities as a woman that I have. I appreciate the sacrifices made by the feminists OF OLD who paved the way for women to make great advancements in their lives without having to be dependent on men al the time. I appreciate the ability that women have to carve out their own lives and make individual choices and decisions to take whichever path they want in life.

        HOWEVER. I do not appreciate modern day feminists taking those concepts and running with it to the point that women feel they should and HAVE TO be on the same level as men to feel accomplished. I do take issue with the fact that a feminine woman today gets called everything but a child of GOD if they refuse to act or do certain things in line with what FEMINISTS today believes defines a woman.

        Just because I am a woman doesn’t mean I cannot and will not take the male point of view on how they feel feminism has affected them or society negatively these days with women who truly HATE MEN and feel that women are superior. I take issue with women using feminism as a scapegoat to do all kinds of CRASS and unfeminine things as justification for empowerment and excuses for their behaviors and actions to be overlooks. I take issue with the HYPOCRISY of women who want to have their cake and eat it too (IOW’s do all kinds of crass questionable things, then later be revered for being a WOMAN who should be adored and respected by men). PLEASE! The bulk of what feminism today is FAR from what the purpose and idea of it was when it first began.

        In my eyes feminism should bring men and women together in a healthy manner and Not divide. Feminism TODAY has gone overboard and has helped create that divide in men and women.

        If a woman ACTS LIKE A WOMAN she is considered weak, docile, submissive and male identified. If a woman makes THE CHOICE to embrace all things that she believes makes her a woman and separates her from a man, she is *weak, submissive, docile* i.e Not STRONG or passionate. If a woman wants to be SOFT, ELEGANT, SWEET, NURTURING she is considered “less than” and weak and male identified and/or catering to the “patriarchy” establishment.

        I take issue with this idea that a woman is special and deserves special recognition for having a baby and working. Ok great so you choose to work and be a mother – big whoop! I am not going to extend any special standing ovations b/c of that b/c I feel often times women who place more emphasis on their careers but have kids just to “satisfy some status quo” end up neglecting their kids on some ways and fashions.

        Too many women today are more focused on the political rah rah’s of doing things rather than simply doing what is best for them b/c that is what they want to do. Its all about competing with men today and that is Not something I can get with or desire to do.

        I am a strong and independent woman. I make my decisions and choices in my life as a woman based on MY DESIRES and NEEDS. I do not do things just to feel like I have to “one up” a man or just to get recognition or being and doing what men have done.

        I do not feel that a woman that chooses to be more nurturing, feminine in character in nature, soft, is a WEAK WOMAN. I do not feel just b/c a woman throws on a power suit and sits in boardrooms al day she is anymore special or powerful as a woman b/c of that.

        In essence what I am saying is, if women want to do certain things and make certain accomplishments for themselves _ DO IT b/c deep down that is what you are passionate about. STOP with the political bullshit of doing things simply to get RAH RAH cheers from the “sisterhood” b/c you accomplished what a man does.

        B/C that is what feminism today seems to be about. Just CHECKIN the “a man did it and so can i” box. Not really about empowering women o get ahead and feel accomplished based on innate and natural desires.

        Feminisms today is all political. Women in general don’t seem to be making any great advancements in creating and fostering better relationships as a whole. Women more than ever are fighting, hurting and doing all sorts of things to step on and over each other and ESPECIALLY in the work place. Who do they blame? MEN. They won’t dare do any self reflections on their actions. And having ben int he working world for half of my adult life, I have discovered that a woman colleague or female supervisor will be quicker to screw you over than a male colleague or supervisor.

        I’m sorry I don’t buy into this “collective sisterhood” b/c I feel too many women use feminism for political BS and not really to hep advance women where it counts. A woman is quicker to break up another woman’s marriage or relationship today bc women still battle with severe insecurity and competition issues against each other. Something that can ONLY be resolved by women. Instead, women blame men for making them insecure and competitive? LOL Well if women re os much more powerful and free then why hasn’t relationships between women improved? Why are women still saying men are responsible for their cattiness and competitiveness towards each other? Why are women still so insecure?

        How is telling women to sleep around really empowering women? Why is the message not about telling women to maintain a sense of feminine energy that is different from what men do WHILE making accomplishments in her life.

        I think you have entirely missed the point of my article. Its not about putting down what feminism SHOULD and WAS truly about in terms of advancing women. Its about addressing the things today that so many women have and continue to use as political nonsense to do all kinds of crazy things.

        Its about the FACT that a woman that exudes femininity in greater portions than women who don’t being ridiculed and hated on b/c she embraces more of what makes her feel like and appreciate being a woman.

        I am not against feminism and its true goals to obtain rights and freedoms for woman just as I am not against ANYTHING that promoted rights for people based on sex, race, age etc.

        However, what is feminism *REALLY* about these days. That is what this post is about. Its about calling out what feminists have done today to turn both men and women off its its true purpose.

        Its not just a select few of feminists using and doing extreme tactics, its entrenched in everyday life.

        I’ll believe feminism has made great strides for women the day women stop with the overly unnecessary cattiness and competitiveness against each other. The day when women stop competing against each other for silly shit that doesn’t matter. Until then I will thank the feminists OF OLD for the groundbreaking accomplishments of things that REALLY mattered for women. As far as what the average female today calls feminism? Pssh, they can miss me with that!



  6. Elegance
    Feb 03, 2013 @ 05:38:14

    Coolness! I want to hear what the men have to say. This should be an interesting blog series 🙂



  7. Ray
    Feb 03, 2013 @ 06:41:31

    Hey there, Elegance my sweet! This world would be a sad place without femininity! When women aren’t creating art and culture themselves they are inspiring men to! The worlds best authors, painters, musicians, composers, poets, dancers, explorers, arhitects, philosophers and more have each had their muses to inspire them to greatness! Would Columbus have discovered America without Queen Isabella? From Shakespeare to Motzart, from Renoir to F. Scott Fitzgerald, artists have found the breathtaking beauty and charm to influence their work! This is due to extraordinary women that have embraced their femininity! Let’s be honest here, No budding artistic genius is going to be inspired by a female in pants, flat shoes and no make-up!



  8. Ray
    Feb 03, 2013 @ 18:40:30

    Elegance dear, I can make the comparison between black militants and feminist militants because I’ve experienced it way too much while dating interacially for the last decade! Neither I nor any of my ancestors ever owned a slave. My family emigrated to New England. In fact I’ve had relatives that died in battle fighting for the north during the civil war. Yet, I still get comments from brothers, fathers and sisters (for some reason the moms have been nice to me) about why my date is fraternizing with the enemy or is a traitor to her race! There’s at least one in every family! I ran into an old girlfriend recently at a grocery store and she graciously invited me to Sunday dinner. I accepted (not only was her mother a great cook, but she has accepted me like one of the family). Within the first 30 minutes I was greeted with “Is that white boy back again?” and the always popular, “I can’t believe my own sister can’t find a black man!” Most of the time I just ignore it, but eventually it gets very disheartening being the whipping boy for the entire white race!



  9. Ray
    Feb 04, 2013 @ 05:58:47

    Many guys, including myself hate it when some women pick and choose the parts of feminism they like and discard the rest! We get the evil eye if we open the door for you or help you lift something heavy, but somehow when the check comes after dinner you seem to conveniently relocate to the ladies room! You can’t have it both ways! Pick one side or the other! Men have been placed in such precarious positions of trying to know what you want it’s no wonder relationships are so hard to maintain or even initiate!



  10. neurochick
    Feb 05, 2013 @ 06:55:33

    I was watching Oliver Stone’s “Untold History” on Showtime and he feels that the USA needs more feminine energy, meaning the the country needs to be more nurturing and caring about others, rather than just be about me, me, me, let’s go bomb the heck out of ____ so we can get what WE need.

    I do think that a lot of women view femininity as inferior, as weak; while masculinity is strong and superior. However, all of us need feminine energy as well as masculine, and when I say all of us, I mean men and women. We need both, neither is inferior, neither is superior IMO.



    • Ray
      Feb 05, 2013 @ 14:40:05

      Neurochick, I couldn’t agree more! I LOVE femininty and I respect it! I’ve seen homemakers pushing heavy grocery carts through the store while holding one toddler and another clasped around her leg! Weak? Not hardly! I think that has probably shaped my views on females deserving equal opportunities! Women are the backbone of society! Women care for the children when men walk away, neglect or abuse them! Single moms balance a forty hour work week while maintaining a household and nurturing the kids! Most men couldn’t handle any part of that! This would be a war ravaged planet without the sanity of women!



    • Neecy
      Feb 05, 2013 @ 20:21:51

      Totally agree Neurochick. I also agree with Oliver Stone that we need a balance of both feminine and masculine energy on earth. When it leans more in one direction either way it causes issues. I believe int he biological differences between men and women as a need for BALANCE on earth.

      I think that you are also correct in that it doesn’t hurt for any man or woman to have a little of the other traits. I can say for myself while I am feminine and believe wholeheartedly in feminine qualities, I certainly have some more positive masculine traits in terms of assertiveness, standing my ground, etc.



  11. ladybird
    May 18, 2014 @ 10:19:20

    Hi Neecy!

    I remember you from other BWE blogs. I was a long time lurker on some of those blogs until I got tired of their unrealistic presentation of the IR dating market. I got tired of them lying to black women that IR dating was supposed to be easy and if they were not being successful, it is their own fault. I stopped reading those blogs a couple years ago, so I did not know you had started a blog of your own.

    I am close to your age. I agree with you about modern feminism; it is a joke and is doing nothing for women. I also agree that women are not doing well emotionally because they are trying too hard to be like men, pursuing goals and lifestyles that they don’t want, because women now believe that life is all abut competing with men.

    I have always felt that men and women were psychologically different and that men handled certain types of stress, like fierce competition in the workplace, better than women. I have been told by many women, even my own mother, that I wasted my life and college education by not throwing myself into the corporate world and accomplishing great things.

    I do disagree with you on a couple of things though. You said this:
    “A woman is quicker to break up another woman’s marriage or relationship today bc women still battle with severe insecurity and competition issues against each other”

    First of all, no woman can “break up” another woman’s relationship. Whenever a man chooses one woman over another, it is because he wanted that woman. Women can flirt with men, offer them easy sex and do whatever to entice them away from their relationships, but men need to accept responsibility for their behavior. Women have been blaming other women for “breaking up” relationships since the beginning of time. Why should a woman value a man’s family and marriage more than that man himself?

    Men are not stupid. They know when a woman has designs on them. If they choose to allow such women into their lives, the men alone are to blame for the outcome. I never hear men accusing other men of “breaking up relationships”. Whenever a woman cheats on a man, the men simply call her a slut and place the responsibility squarely on the woman’s shoulders. They almost never look for reasons why the woman cheated, like for example, lack of sexual fulfillment. Because truth be told, most people (and I sense that in you too but correct me if I am wrong) believe that sexual fulfillment should not be as important to women as to men and if a man is a good provider and protector, that is enough.

    I don’t condone sleeping around, but I don’t believe that women should deny themselves sexual pleasure if they are not in a committed relationship.That’s the way things were before the early feminist movement. I think many women who are not in touch with their own sexuality confuse sex with love because they believe that women cannot–or should not–separate love and sex. Well I think women need to do a better job at separating love and sex, because men do. And too many women get hurt because they believe a man who has an intense sexual interest in them also has feelings for them. Or that a committed sexual relationship will invariably lead to marriage.

    Sex can be enjoyable without love and commitment. Women should be able to have non committal sexual relationships without being considered sluts if they feel such relationships are good for their psychological health. There is nothing healthy about being a sexually repressed woman who fights her sexual desires for years–or indefinitely–until Mr Right comes along. A vibrator or masturbating is not an appropriate substitute for a man to all women.

    I also don’t believe that a man has a right to know about a woman’s sexual past unless she has an incurable disease or was a prostitute who had sex with hundreds of men who may later be revealed. How can a woman have good marital sex if she enters it without sexual experience or with the idea that sex is less important for women than it is for men? Do you think men are going to stick around or be faithful to a woman who is not good in bed just because she did not have many sexual partners before he married her?

    Most men will defend a man who cheats or leaves his partner because the sex wasn’t good. I know you and many women will not agree with me, but most men would prefer a reformed “whore” who will be faithful to them than a virgin/inexperienced woman who is uptight about sex and is afraid of her sexuality.

    Have you ever heard the expression: “act like a lady in the streets and like a whore in bed”? You can’t “act like a whore without sexual experience”, just like you can’t be a good driver without driving experience. I think the mistake many women today are making is being public and open about their sexual activities. That is NOT a good thing.

    Femininity is good, but any woman who wants to hold on to a husband had better get in touch with her inner whore. Being sweet, soft spoken, respectable, well dressed etc is not all there is to femininity. That is why a lot of older women lose their husbands. They don’t realize men don’t like the physical and emotional changes many women go through as they age. Most men want their women to put effort into remaining attractive with a nice toned body and not settle into a “mature” femininity that is sweet and loving but not sexually attractive. Men still highly value sex even as they age. Women need to let go of the false belief that once they are successful in using their youth or beauty to get a man, they can age gracefully and not worry about losing him. White men in particular, are notorious for trading in their wives for younger women.



    • Neecy
      May 26, 2014 @ 10:05:03

      Hey LADYBIRD!!

      Welcoemt o the Nest!

      You know I actually do agree with most of what you said. In regards to the IR thing, yeah I think there is a lot of gung hoing about all a BW has to do is be open and the flood gates will open with Non Black men. NOPE! Black women in America have some serious Image issues that plague even those of us that do not carry those stereotypes. And until we collectively deal with these perceptions there will be no flood gates of IR happening between BW and Non Black men anytime soon. Our reputations precede us and its jet going to be much harder for those BW seeking IR’s.

      While these dating site surveys and studies are not to be the creme le creme of what is happening in the real world, I believe they are a great eye opener for American BW to start realizing how hard it will continue to be for us in the dating market unless we work at fixing our torn image as women.

      That is not to say however, IR’s are not growing and happening amongst BW. But its not going to be at the pace that IR BW sites suggest. Its going to take time. That is why I simply encourage single BW to keep using their singleness time to improve themselves mentally, physically and emotionally so that when the opportunity comes to meet a good quality Non Black man, you will be ready.

      Don’t chase it. To many excuses are made for Non Black men not approaching BW. Frankly, if a man does not approach you he does not want you bad enough IMO. So in essence all the excuses being made as to why WM or others do not approach BW means nothing to me because if they really wanted to pursue that BW they’d do it. Too many BW need to learn how men think and act and stop always making excuses.



  12. ladybird
    May 18, 2014 @ 10:25:34

    By the way, men also produce oxytocin from sexual activity. It is not a female hormone.

    “So what does oxytocin do in men? Well, for a long time, people didn’t think it did much. They thought it was essential to pair bonding in females due to studies in female prairie voles, but those same studies found that vasopressin was the necessary molecule for pair bonding in male voles, not oxytocin. However, it’s now known that oxytocin is very important for things like bonding in male HUMANS, and the voles can go screw. And oxytocin is also important for one thing that men find to be very, very, very important.

    It turns out that oxytocin in men is important in sexual arousal. During sexual arousal, large amounts of oxytocin and dopamine (which I’ve written about before) are released. It is believed that oxytocin contributes to the perception of sexual arousal, while dopamine may be correlated with the positive feelings associated with sexual arousal. There are lots of receptors for oxytocin present in the penis, particularly in the corpus cavernosa, the long tubes that fill with blood during an erection.”




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