As more keenly aware Black American women wake up to the reality that we have been bamboozled to sell our femininity to the highest bidders and how that has pretty much – not worked out for us (Black women at least ) as a whole – we will see more and more of the beneficiaries of the asexual, non-feminine, image of  Black woman coming out in droves to convince us we are “just crazay” and “seeing things”. That we are “overreacting” . Many will even go as far as guilting you for wanting to actually do something to change it.


So be prepared. There are many people who have a stake in the lowly images of Black American women and have had a hold on this stake for CENTURIES. Sometimes –  hell who am I fooling –  ALL THE TIME it gets very comfy at the top when you know someone else beneath you is taking the lickings that you’d be taking if they weren’t there.


As I have covered many times previously on posts here, how the African American female image has always been distorted to compliment White women and now today NON Black women in general, these images have never changed. And there is a reason for that. We live in a world where SOMEONE has to be on the bottom for others to be upheld to the highest standard. As long as there is someone “beneath” you, you can never fully worry about losing completely.


As long as there is a woman next to you who is fatter, you will look slimmer.


As long as there is a woman next to you who is more asexual, you will appear sexier.


As long as there is a woman next to you more  un-feminine, you will be deemed more feminine.


You get the point.


Black  American women have played the asexual FAT  friend, the mammy, the unflattering caricature, the un-feminine, uncouth sidekick for too long. The minute we realize we are no longer going to volunteer for the role of doormat and “whatever goes” people start getting scared.


People love when you act as they expect. It keeps them feeling safe and comfy.  When Black women keep staying in their little “boxes” made solely for us, people can sleep better and safely at night.  Once you start trying to wriggle yourself free from that lil ole box they keep pushing you in, that’s when all the gas lighting attempts start to converge like water in a waterfall.


Many people will challenge your determination to withdraw support from things, people, places and entities that are not for *YOUR* best interest as a Black woman because (1) they haven’t and will never walk a mile in your shoes (2) they are so accustomed to seeing you in a certain light, that they cannot even see when it’s in front of them the issues these images cause for *YOU* as a Black woman – WHY? Case they don’t have to deal with the fallout of all the negative anti Black female imagery in any way, shape or form (3) They loose the benefits of having someone beneath them and feel threatened by the come uppance of such group.


People who have no stake in your “fight”, image and the consequences of such, are quick to offer their “opinions” on why you “should” do this and that and why you shouldn’t do this and that.  It’s easy when you are sitting on the outside TRYING to look in to tell another person, group to overlook the obvious attempts at SABOTAGE and DESTRUCTION  of their humanity as women when you aint got to deal with NARY of the consequences.


What this means for the awakening Black woman is that you will have to be steadfast and unapologetic about your non-support and the putting on blast of  the obvious  entities, and things that seek to continue to attack and destroy whatever semblance of normal, feminine, characteristics Black women have.


Where there is smoke there is fire. You do not need to fully view a movie, television show, listen to a song, enter into certain venues and such, or “give certain people  or things a chance” when they have clearly shown & proven  themselves to not have the best interest of Black women. Better believe other savvy groups who upkeep their images, certainly are not going to throw a  bone to any entity or person or group that has shown little to no respect for them as people, women or men.


Back women have had enough. We are no longer sitting by idle and allowing our images as women to be attacked without now speaking up and pointing out the reality of this. If you have no dog in this fight, no stake in our fight, then  STEP ASIDE and move out of the way.


The isht is really going to hit the fan when more and more Black women start taking control and putting forth positive uplifting images and things of Black women. There will be all kinds of crazy tactics used to keep this from happening. LOL  I’m already prepared for the fight ahead because too many people have a STAKE in keeping the Black woman’s image in the mud.



28 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Shaylah
    Jun 12, 2014 @ 07:39:26

    Great posts Neecy. If someone who claim they don’t have a dog in this fight, then why are you here? Their job is make sure that Black women stay beneath them, so they will say things like ” it is all in your head”. The forever, “it doesn’t take all of that. That Mindy chick is not a looker. But some how when it comes to a Black woman, she is pumped up like she is. I heard the ratings are not doing that good. I really don’t know because I don’t watch the show she is on or the OITNB crap. Arsenio Hall show has been cancelled. Thank God. The show was crap because one, he degrades black women and during the time he was on, it was something new for a talk show host who is black to have good ratings. A lot of things that bm used to do back in the day are gong to fall by the waste side because Black Women Empowerment have come on the seen. Just like c/rap destroyed our image, BWE is repairing and restoring our image. The reason Black Women Empowerment is here to stay because the internet is here. Your posts, Khadija’s blog, Evia blog post and countless others have paved the way and since bm are extremely predictable, black women will look at these posts are road maps and know that one , they not crazy and two to move accordingly to better their personal and professional lives to they can live well. BWE took off a rate that no one was expecting. Khadija did a post how when whites put black on tv first to get our dollars , then when they see enough black women or men follows a show , then they put white characters in place because they know that they have our money but we are never represent in a good light. I don’t want to misquote the posts but as black women we just need to stop supporting anything that does not make us look good. Black women are waking up and becoming stealth in their approach.
    I will keep my money to me until I see that your making us look positive. Until then I will support only those that support the positive and uplifting of black women.



    • Say It Loud I'm Brown (Indian: dot, not feather) And Proud!
      Jun 12, 2014 @ 19:15:13

      Shaylah wrote, “That Mindy chick is not a looker.”

      “Take the recent uproar over Mindy Kaling’s Elle cover. The magazine released alternate covers featuring Girls’ Allison Williams, Parks and Recreation’s Amy Poehler and Zooey Deschanel — all were in color, all were full-length. Only the fourth cover, with Kaling on it, ran in black-and-white and was cropped just above the actress’ waist.

      To be fair, I’m guessing Elle created its Women in Television issue as a reminder of women’s impact on the small screen. And they deserve a high-five for that and for an attempt at diversity by putting Kaling on the cover. Unfortunately, their grandmothered-in bias towards race and weight played out in the worst way possible — with a size 8 woman-of-color conspicuously set apart from her three thinner white counterparts. #facepalm ”



      • JaliliMaster
        Jun 12, 2014 @ 19:55:51

        Say It Loud, I am confused as to what point it is you are trying to make. I do not see how what you wrote has any connection to Neecy’s post. I’m not being facetious, it is a genuine question: really, what is your point?



      • simplyme
        Jun 28, 2014 @ 14:12:40

        I agree that your comments have absolutely nothing to do with the article. Case closed. Stop with the distractions.



    • JustPassingThrough
      Jun 16, 2014 @ 07:47:08

      I have no problem with Mindy Kaling being as celebrated as she is, here’s why:

      She’s gone above and beyond to make sure that her white audience knows she’s Indian and not black. She’s even included slick jokes and stereotypes about African-American women and predominately black countries in her show to further make the distinction that she’s not THAT type of darkie.

      Now look at the darker “women of color” in this years “Most Beautiful” issue from People Magazine.

      1. Lupita Nyong’o
      2. Kerry Washington
      3. Gabriel Union
      4. Mindy Kaling

      Regardless of your feelings on the three black actresses listed, ONE of these things is not like the other. And I’ve seen several other spreads and articles where she’s placed next to attractive, slim black women. In essence, she’s doing for black women what black mammy chracters have been doing for white, asian and (non-black) latina women for ages. She’s even written about in “mainstream” (white) publications using the same condescending language writers used to talk about Gabourey Sidibe, she’s also asked the same condescending questions.

      I couldn’t care less about her black and white cover.



      • JaliliMaster
        Jun 16, 2014 @ 12:40:47

        You know, JustPassingThrough, I never looked at it from that point if view before. In my experience, it was usually the less desirable ww who were the most hostile to me. I guess that whenever a bw doesn’t play the role they want her to or fit into the box they created for her, these types of people become very angry. This is because what they thought would be their saving grace (i.e surround themselves with bw who carry themselves in as unattractive and unappealing a way as possible, so that they can look good in comparison), they don’t know how to react!

        Unfortunately for Mindy Kaling, it isn’t working for her either. My philosophy is that whatever you do for/to me or make happen to me, may God make happen for you. So whatever treatment Kaling gets in the media, serves her right as far as I am concerned!

        This reminds me of what happened last year when a new show featuring four white females came out. They were criticised for the lack of diversity on the show. All of a sudden, all these idiot white feminist who were always going on about solidarity, figured that the shows creator (who is a 26ish year old ww), had to be realistic in her portrayal of life in New York, because apparently, it is all white. I wasn’t going to watch the show, as it is the sort of pretentious self-indulgent nonsense that doesn’t appeal to me. However, after the ‘controversy’, I definitely was NEVER going to watch it. To cover it up, they then cast a black male>/i>, as if to say that bw are interchangeable with bm. A casting call for the show was leaked, and what did it reveal. They were looking for: 1. an overweight bw who can do accents to play a Jamaican nanny, 2. an overweight latina to play a nanny, 3. a slim, sexy latina to play a young, hot nanny, and 4. an overweight Filipino or Filipino-looking woman to play a foreign nanny. This ww, who, I should mention, is the least attractive of all the four main caharacters, and someone who looks like her would have never gotten cast in someone elses production. She knew that she would look even worse next to some of her cast mates, so she decides to write-in non-white female characters to the show that she could stereotype, to make herself look better. And the only role her imagination could dream up was them in a subservient role to ww.

        As more BW reach for the stars, there will be those that have a less obvious stake in your public malignment, and would go to great lengths to keep you down. I understand that there are some younger bw online that stan for Kaling, partly because they feel she represents them in terms of body image and being a ‘woman of colour’. I hope these folks get a clue.



  2. MrsGlam
    Jun 12, 2014 @ 09:40:23

    Neecy, I always enjoy your posts. But this one really struck a chord with me. Thanks for this!



  3. Ren
    Jun 12, 2014 @ 13:22:58

    You have said what I’ve been saying for years. Keep up the good work and keep telling the truth!



  4. Meena
    Jun 14, 2014 @ 17:29:05

    Superb post! I especially loved when you said:
    “Once you start trying to wriggle yourself free from that lil ole box they keep pushing you in, that’s when all the gas lighting attempts start to converge like water in a waterfall.”

    This is like the story of my adult life. Because being a young attractive poised educated and elegant black woman goes against the low expectation for black women in general, the level of disdain groups have (some including other black women that are oblivious to the boost their image gets through support of women in their group) displayed can be annoying. Keep pushing forward with your dreams and goals. Remind yourself you need not bend to get anyone’s approval or validation when it comes at the cost of overlooking issues that affect you. Pave a path for yourself! I’ll give a common example:

    While in college, I heard from a few black girls that went on separate study abroad experiences, that the white students (particularly the ww) would underhandedly exclude them from social activities (not letting them know where they were headed to hang out, planning trips without telling them of traveling to places over weekends, or if they told them about an event, it would be last minute and not allow the bw enough time to look equally as put together for the event etc.). I ran into a similar experience in grad school and new it was up to me to reject that treatment and seek out other avenues for me to enjoy my host city and the locals who thankfully did not share the same pattern of behavior.

    The bw who stayed in the box were often left holding purses for others while out “partying.” Or, they played like a “mommy/ mother hen” role against the dynamic of the group.



  5. Say It Loud I'm Brown (Indian: dot, not feather) And Proud!
    Jun 15, 2014 @ 12:42:33

    Neecy, if you could please explain what you mean by “feminine” because so often this comes to mean stereotypes of “girly girls” and “submissiveness”. I’m not saying that’s your take on it, I don’t know what your take is exactly so that’s why I’m asking.

    – So if I don’t naturally gravitate toward whatever the stereotypical “girly girl” behavioral traits and interests are, and if I am not whatever the stereotype of “submissive” (WTF?) is, then I should revamp my entire interests and personality to conform to them because I’m dark skinned?!?!?!

    This is complete b.s.



    • Khadija Nassif
      Jun 15, 2014 @ 13:37:21

      To the AABW Reading Audience,

      I followed that link provided by Say It Loud, so you don’t have to (in order to find out what it’s about).

      One of the writers at that site is a DBR (damaged beyond repair) BM who calls himself “Obs%d%an” [deliberate distortion of this rabidly anti-BW creep’s online name]. This individual speaks positively of another vicious DBRBM called T. S*tom&y*r. [Another deliberate distortion on my part—I refuse to give these Internet Ike Turners—AND their anti-BW hate speech—any shine.]

      To quickly summarize, this creature uses the tragic death of a dark-skinned BW blogger as fodder for his hate speech against BW. Ladies, there’s no need to poison your mind or spirit by reading that garbage.

      For the younger AABW in the audience, the 1st wave BWE blogs have previously discussed at length the best response to online DBRBM’s anti-BW hate speech: DON’T engage with these Internet Ike Turners. DON’T waste your precious time with reading DBRBM’s droppings. DON’T pollute your spirit with their garbage.

      As I said in the first post mentioned above, I only pay close attention to the people, places, ideas or things that ADD positive value to my life. I don’t pay much attention to the destructive people that want to subtract from my life. I also don’t pay much attention to the neutral people who aren’t doing anything for me.

      The time you spend talking to, listening to, or reading the views of neutral, low-value, and no-value BM is unhealthy. That time would be better spent on people, places, ideas, and things that actively enhance your life. And better spent on strategizing how to avoid DBRBM and other energy vampires in the first place.



    • Neecy
      Jun 15, 2014 @ 14:07:13

      SIL I erased the link and quotes from the self hating black male idiot you linked and posted here. because I refuse to entertain that kind if low level thinking towards black women on thus blog. While I have no problems with outsiders coming on the blog to respectfully interact, keep in mind the blog is for upliftment and ENLIGHTENMENT OF black women and I do not allow posting of links to GARBAGE that insults black women like the link you had posted. While I understand the “”perplexment” at the kind if stupidity written by that black “man” but please do not post those kinds of links here. As Khadija stated there us enough soul crushing nonsense against BW in the world thus place is not going to be one if them unless it’s used to enlighten and encourage.

      All I will be back later with responses to posts once I return home later.



    • MrsGlam
      Jun 16, 2014 @ 11:39:05

      No. What’s BS is your insistence that your desire to be unfeminine should be considered on a blog that isn’t written for you. You’re a troll: GO AWAY.



  6. JaliliMaster
    Jun 15, 2014 @ 19:20:55

    Ladies, please pay attention. Take note of all the ways fools out there try to tear you down. This silly, attention seeking poster, Say It Loud, has exposed themself. Do not be deceived, the ONLY reason that individual posted those links was to knock you down a few pegs. She intentionally posted a link to that poison to wound your spirits. I have no idea what was written (as Neecy had, thankfully, already removed the links by the time I saw SIL’s comments). However, I have come across the creatures Khadija mentioned, so I can only imagine the nature of the filth that that silly individual linked to.

    Just think, could you even imagine someone linking to anti-semitic filth on a pro-Jewish blog, and still trying to pretend that they had no nefarious motives? Would SIL have dared post a link to anti-Chinese hate speech , and ask those (the Chinese) on the forum to follow the link and then explain what the racists meant, as she was confused by it?

    As I said in a previous comment, Say It Loud, you and your motives are transparent!



  7. Shaylah
    Jun 17, 2014 @ 08:07:42

    I was thinking over the weekend and I was reading how Nia Long, love her , how she on purpose cast a non-black man for the part in the her latest movie. I am hopeful that many Black women in Hollywood use their clout for the greater good.
    I would prefer that Black women take a cue from Asian woman and not just be cast at all versus being cast in a negative light. Black women are a threat to most women because of our beauty, brain, and body. I was thinking how Ciara, Eva and countless other black women who are exposed to quality men but they don’t take advantage of it. I am not trying be off topic but I prefer Black women to just start with the technology we have at our disposal and then work from there. I will love to see the positive images on tv , we just have to be in charge ourselves. A lot of the actresses can work behind the scenes and give their input and still produce quality material that can go to mainstream and become stealth with it. Black women have to realize we can’t be like those reality stars and do the things they do. We have to little by little make our and then go from there.



    • deb
      Jul 16, 2014 @ 18:39:48

      I too was proud of Nia because she could have easily had a bm play the part. Nia with another culture man will draw viewers who might have not watched. This movie can only help bw and other culture men see each other as potential dates and mates.



  8. 18andLegal
    Jun 23, 2014 @ 21:03:29

    I have read many of your posts and I am very impressed with your views and writing. I really believe that Black women in America should stop listening to DBRBM and racist non Black people and start improving their lives for them betterment of THEMSELVES not anyone else.



  9. omerta327
    Jul 13, 2014 @ 16:14:19

    Since it’s slow here, I thought I’d post this as a possible idea for Neecy to do a post on.

    Bullying. Especially towards girls.

    Maybe you’ve seen this vid before – it’s 2 years old – but I saw it for the first time yesterday, and it absolutely broke my heart.

    This was a 15 year old Canadian girl named Amanda Todd, who tells the story of how she was tormented with flashcards. How she suffered from severe depression and suicide attempts.

    About a month after she posted this vid, she killed herself.

    I mean, guys get bullied too..But I think it’s different for guys than it is for girls. I got bullied as a kid. I got made fun of all the time – I was called ugly, a dork, a nerd, etc.

    But I found out that once I learned to deliver a good solid punch to the face, and they realised I was gonna fight back, it all stopped. But girls don’t really have that advantage.

    Since this board is mostly women, I’d like to get all your thoughts on this.



    • omerta327
      Jul 24, 2014 @ 15:59:03

      Gee, thanks for all your input!!!

      I think I just saw a tumbleweed roll by…



      • foosrock!
        Jul 25, 2014 @ 00:42:16

        LOL!. Never been bullied. But, as an adult, shouldn’t you be over it by now?



        • omerta327
          Jul 27, 2014 @ 00:04:48

          Oh I’m totally over it – haven’t been bullied since 7th grade. That was a loooooong time ago. Hell, I even eventually became friends with some of those kids. lol

          Just thought I’d point out how there’s a difference between how boys react and how girls react to bullying. Wasn’t venting or anything, just speaking from personal experience. That’s all.



  10. omerta327
    Jul 30, 2014 @ 01:08:03

    O/T, but since it’s slow – AGAIN – I thought I’d post this to lighten things up.

    Once again, Weird Al Yankovic nails it. This is from his new album. Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines” becomes “Word Crimes”.

    I think y’all will like it. Enjoy.



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