In case you missed the video – Ray Rice Knocking out his now wife

This is pretty hard to watch so watch at your own risk.

http://www.tmz.com/2014/09/08/ray-rice-elevator-knockout-fiancee-takes-crushing-punch-video/

 

And obviously while domestic abuse affects all women of all races, Black women next to Native American (they have the highest reported case of domestic violence at a staggering 34%) women get it the worse!

 

I wanted to post this because in a previous post Evia brought up a point that there have been studies showing that when Black women get hit by Black men, very little restraint is given and they hit with full force. Here’s the proof.

 

NFL runningback Ray Rice knocks out his fiancé in an elevator. First, he spits on her, then gets in elevator and kicks her. Then she attempts to hit him back and he punches her so hard he knocks her out.

 

TEN he drags her limp body out of the elevator, Drops her face first onto the floor, doesn’t bother covering her up Just stands there kicking her legs together. And she finally comes too, and a man comes to assist in helping her get up while that bastard Ray Rice just stands there. 

 

Sorry. But more and more we are seeing why Black women are going to be in deep trouble if they don’t start removing themselves from toxic people, men and relationships. Domestic violence int eh Black community is not taken seriously. So its pretty common for Black women (be them victims or witnesses) to feel its not such a big deal for BW to be assault by their partners. Even Black women have become desensitized to domestic violence against Black women. SCAREY.

 

While its never shocking that victims of domestic violence may stay or return to their abusers, its even less shocking when you look at a community that doesn’t view Domestic violence as a big deal. The fact that Janay APOLOGIZED (previously in a news conference when the story first broke and Ray Rice was addressing the public about the situation) Janay APOLOGIZED for her part in the situation. HUH??? From what I saw she was spit upon and provoked.

 

Originally the NFL only suspended Ray for TWO GAMES – yes TWO GAMES. Now they claim to have seen the whole video, he has been stripped of his contract by the Ravens and suspended by NFL.

 

Keep in mind, Janay (his now wife) and Ray have a toddler daughter and have been together for over 6 years. He MARRIED her only after this incident to avoid her having to testify against him. LOL

 

Ladies I can tell you this, going back to any abuser but especially one who will knock you OUT, can mean death the next time around. We can only hope and pray Janay makes it out of this relationship ALIVE after this incident. I’m pretty sure this will not be the last we hear of Ray Rice abusing Janay.

 

We have to teach our daughters to avoid toxic relationships like this because apparently it becomes hard for women to leave even after incidents like this. We have to teach young Black girls DV is NOT NORMAL and should not be expected in a relationship no matter how many women in their families they’ve watched be abused.

 

Who knows what the bastard will do now that he has lost his contract. I am sure he will blame HER and find a way to assault her.

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36 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Neecy
    Sep 08, 2014 @ 14:50:27

    I am curious as to why Asian women have the lowest assault and domestic cases (at least here in America) at only 6%. All other races have triple or double that.

    Is it because they don’t report as often? Is it because Asian American males don’t assault them in great numbers? Is it because they are better at avoiding these kinds of men? is it because they are deemed more “feminine”.

    I’d be very interested to understand why their numbers are so low.

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    • Zabeth (@Zabeth8)
      Sep 08, 2014 @ 16:54:31

      Powerlessness plays a role, maybe? AA and Native American women deal mostly with the two most conquered men on the planet. Men who don’t see themselves having power in outside society try to assert power of the one thing they can- women and children. Just a theory I’ve contemplated.

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      • Neecy
        Sep 08, 2014 @ 17:05:54

        Hey Zabeth!!
        Great point and makes sense.

        Wondering why wouldn’t White women have the lowest rates. They arent too far behind Black women ( I believe they are at 16% and black women are at 18%). mixed race women believe it or not are even higher than Black women at 24%!

        I often hear Asian women say how sexist Asian males are. But I’m just not seeing this in the numbers where they are the least of all races of women to experience domestic violence and assault.

        And even Asian women in Amwrica date out at high rates and that still hasn’t affected their numbers. And they date out with White men the most. Still only report 6% compared to White women.

        Also look,at how,often we see or hear of Asian women in the media being abducted, murdered, or having acts of violence against them in general compared to,other races? Very rarely are we seeing and reading stories of Asian women being preyed on, murdered, assaulted etc.

        There’s gotta be something more going on here. Not unless it’s just simple under reporting. But it could be other things at play.

        Like possibly their womanhood is more valued than other races (even White).

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    • ImAwake
      Sep 08, 2014 @ 18:37:50

      Hi Neecy,

      Domestic violence is something that no women is immune to in America.

      I grew up in S Cali and in the 90s very late night PSA would air for Asian American women who might be experiencing domestic violence it would start with an old adage that went like this ”Dried fish and women both are better after they are beaten for three days”.
      So yes Asian American (esp Korean & Filipinas and new immigrants of China) do experience domestic violence/abuse–this is one of the reason Asian women really encourage their daughters to date/marry American (read white). Reports that I read regarding this group did state as education improves for the males the physical violence does decrease but there’s still the report of emotional and financial abuse.

      In my professional career I had a lot of contact with MWBE businesses. I came in contact with a lot of awesome business minded women and a fair number of Asian American women who were divorced shared with me what fueled their determination to be successful and seek divorce was the financial control (a form of abuse) their exhusbands wiled over them and their children. (a requiring theme from all the women I interviewed regardless of race was keep your own stash of cash and if push comes to shove sign a prenup)

      I interviewed one woman who was a naturalized citizen from China, and she shared with me that she was physically abused and planned her “escape” for eight months while being beaten almost every night. She said her abuse got worse once she became a US citizen.

      She said she had to leave when her son one hit her when he was having a temper tantrum and she was like “I’m not raising a monster who thinks its okay to hit a woman” needless to say we sat there and cried but she kept saying I’m fine I got out. Wow.

      There is abuse in the Asian American community but airing these problems goes against the meme of them being the ideal minority especially juxtapose to other minorities. And this is what the PSA from the 90s was suggesting– the ideal stereotype forced Asian American women to suffer in silence and their victimizers off the hook.

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      • Neecy
        Sep 08, 2014 @ 21:45:31

        Hi IMAWAKE,

        You bring up a very good and interesting point. That Asian women may be more experiencing emotional and mental abuse vs. physical. It also seems that the more native Asian women (women who may not have been born and bred in the USA) are more likely to be victims of violence.

        They still have low numbers compared to other races.

        I believe the big part is they will not sit and coddle Asian men and could care less about how the Asian communities or men feel about them crossing the color lines to White men who appear to be treating them better or making them happy.

        Asian women also are very known (and make no apologies about it) to look for men who have money and status and how often are they refried to as “gold diggers”? RARELY.

        It seems they as a collective have been doing something right, and there is possibly some lessons to be learned from them (at least the American ones).

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        • ImAwake
          Sep 08, 2014 @ 23:21:37

          Yes Ms. Neecy, you’re right there is something that other women are getting that BW seem to be missing.

          I don’t know if anyone read the “Why Men love B*&%hes” which was written with a lot of tongue in cheek. The author writes about reason why an Asian woman walk 10 paces behind her man is because her pockets are weighed by all his money she’s carrying. Yes some women have mastered this game in this patriarchal system.

          When I was attending college @ 1999 or so, I had taken a speech class and on day one we were told to introduce and say something unique about ourselves. Well there was a middle aged Filipina who told us her name Navidad (Navi for short), her occupation Nurse and what was unique about her…”I [am] married [to a] white guy”. I almost bit my tongue for trying not to laugh and of course I felt bad for the younger Filipino guys in the class. (you know how WE got to cape for everybody)

          Anywoo one day I was sitting next to the Navi and a fellow student (cute Asian guy who had a crush on me) asked if I was really going to pursue medical school, at the time I as premed, so I said yeah but thinking I was being snarky I said not unless I marry a white guy. Don’t you know without missing a beat Navi said “Now you’re thinking” WTH then and now.

          See I didn’t go into medicine nor have I married. I did graduate with a decent gpa from a tier 1 school I’m even being courted still by other universities but I would rather be courted by a suitable man.

          I have come to realize that the joke was on me. (not saying that marrying WM would have solved my problems but closing myself off from soooooo many males based on race/ethnicity (I only dated American born bruhs) needlessly decreased my prospects and social net-working). Strong and single sucks!!!!

          I’m awake and thinking now. (Meeting Mr. Right requires a little more work but better late than never) .

          For those of you still in college let this post be a cautionary tale of what not to do.
          Date and have fun but avoid any man who will Deebo you.

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          • Neecy
            Sep 09, 2014 @ 10:56:58

            Well you are not alone in having made those decisions in college. Thankfully more BW are waking and at younger ages and questioning this one sided loyalty they’ve given to BM for so many decades. And guarantee you in the next 10 years we will see more young aged BW in interracial relationships. By the time BWE and other pro BW SITES AND BLOGS get finished there will no longer be any questions as to why BW should look out for SELF first, foremost and ALWAYS.

            And it’s never too late to learn from your mistakes, although it can cost you something’s like time and opportunity. But you cannot change the past all you can do is move forward with your new enlightenment ans encourage other BW to awaken before they find themselves between a rock and hard place.

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  2. Neecy
    Sep 08, 2014 @ 14:53:07

    I had to chuckle when TMZ asked “What was the NFL thinking when it wrist-slapped Rice with such feeble punishment?”

    Uh, she’s a Black woman? our victimization isn’t “all that serious” to most people in this country.

    SAD!

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  3. INFP
    Sep 08, 2014 @ 15:05:58

    What boggles my mind is within the last two years they’ve had 2 high profile DM incidents (this one and Kassandra Perkins). The incident with Kassandra Perkins who was shot 8 times, the team wanted to do something to memorialize her murderer on game day. When a murder-suicide occurs, it’s insensitive and inappropriate to talk about how the murderer was such a nice guy. I wondered how this would’ve played out differently if the men and women were white instead of black.

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    • INFP
      Sep 08, 2014 @ 15:06:38

      DM should be DV (domestic violence)

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    • Neecy
      Sep 08, 2014 @ 15:12:23

      We always know how things will play out when a victim is a WHite woman and when a victim is a Black woman. White women’s humanity is worth a lot more to people than BW’s.

      White woman knocked out by ANY MAN? He’d be brought up on charges, banned for life from NFL, etc.

      There would not even need to be video evidence. The fact they are NOW acting after having seen the inside of the elevator footage, says that in order for BW to get any kind of justice it has to be proven WITHOUT A DOUBT that the perpetrator violated her.

      The NFL only suspended him initially for TWO games despite having access to the whole video footage. They only acted NOW because TMZ released the whole video publicly and they had no choice or would they would be on the chopping block for doing nothing.

      I saw this story back in May. At that time the only footage shown was him dragging her out of the elevator. People were going on about “well we don’t know what happened inside elevator to make him do that to her” yada yada.

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    • Neecy
      Sep 08, 2014 @ 15:16:03

      And yes I remember al the “i can’t believe he did that! He was such an upstanding nice guy!” when Kassandra Perkins was killed by her husband.

      LOL people do not even try to hide their lack of viewing Black women as humans worthy of compassion.

      But I do solidly say (no matter how cold this sounds) that part of that reason is because Black women do not seem to really care much about our own humanity. I think that resonates with the masses who then are also less moved and desensitized when we are victimized.

      People respect people who think or show they think highly of themselves. Thats just the truth.

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      • Chongo
        Sep 08, 2014 @ 22:53:27

        I was listening to BBC World Service radio this morning and a sports analyst (Xavier Pope) stated that Ray Rice and other NFL players who commit domestic violence do so because of drugs, growth hormones, HDH. He phrased his statement in such a way that it seemed he was making an assertion based on negotiations on drug policies between the Union and the league (obviously to avoid backlash). I thought seriously?! You’re going to blame it on drugs? Not the man but the drugs. Without even proving that he is on drugs. *sigh*

        And that is the story of black women. As you and other community commenters have mentioned BW have been dehumanized to the point where people are desensitized to BW’s hurt and Violence against BW. So much so that when BW are hurt or killed, it wasn’t the Black man’s fault – it was the drugs or she hit him back or talked back and she shouldn’t have done that because she contributed to his violence. So damn tired of that narrative.

        Here is the link to the BBC interview – Xavier Pope’s interview starts at about 19:32 – 23:40: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p025wk46

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        • Neecy
          Sep 08, 2014 @ 23:00:11

          Not surprised.

          I am glad to see however, there have been other NFL players and men int he general population who have BLATANTLY called out Ray Rice’s behavior and called for him to be banned. They have even called out the NFL for their lackidasal actions in punishing him initially for only TWO GAMES.

          This is a start. Other men need to call out other men on this for what it is.

          I think mores the many White men speaking out against Ray’s action are doing it because they are getting tired of Black men getting passes for violent behaviors, while they are always taken to task for anything they do against Black men.

          Ray clearly provoked and IMO was looking for a reason to punch her.

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        • Neecy
          Sep 08, 2014 @ 23:05:57

          Additionally,

          It doesn’t help when many of those voices against the Black female victim are BLACK WOMEN.

          I actually saw a post where a BW literally said “It pissed me off to see what he worked so hard for just be taken from him like that. Women can be a show off and get a big head.They no what they are doing.its wrong to just take away his livelihood.”.

          That was just ONE of many like that.

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          • Chongo
            Sep 09, 2014 @ 01:17:59

            Neecy, that gets me every time. Without reviewing the footage, some BW assumed she had provoked him and instigated the violence against herself. Regardless of her culpability (doesn’t seem there was any) no BW deserves to be brutalized in that manner.

            And, if the man cared that much about his career, if he wanted to protect his livelihood – he should have conducted himself in a proper manner i.e. like a functional adult, if you have a disagreement with your girlfriend/wife – discuss it and if you are too heated, walk away, calm down and try again. When he disagrees with his team mates on the pitch do they throw punches at each other? When he disagrees with opposing players on the field, does he start swinging? I know his team mates and opposing players are not BW (therefore they should not be comparable) but my point is – he does not lash out at them when under intense pressure, why should he lash out at his girlfriend in different and somewhat calmer circumstances? Because she’s a BW (perceived as non-human + unprotected + instigator) and he thought he would get away with it and for a while he did. I am happy that the message – intended or not – seems to be, if there is irrefutable evidence, you will not get away with it.

            I am glad other men have called him out and that DV has made national headlines consequently, people are discussing it but…I feel as though the conversation has been hijacked by other people for their purposes and with their agendas e.g. you highlighted that WM feel BM have been and continue to get passes for behavior that WM are severely punished for, others are using this as a platform to highlight drug policies (because pumping players with drugs leads to unstable BM who hit and kill their girlfriends and wives), soft punishments by the NFL etc. But very few people, on a large scale (and not to take away from you and your platform and the fact that you are discussing it) are addressing the victims i.e. BW and how to protect them, how to prevent DV amongst BW.

            I am grateful for your discussion on this topic and I hope more people frame the discussion as you have set out here.

            As for those male identified, victim blaming, BW – they should go kick rocks, bare in their feet.

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            • Chongo
              Sep 09, 2014 @ 01:20:23

              * sorry, the last couple of words should have been: in their bare feet.

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            • Neecy
              Sep 09, 2014 @ 11:10:26

              Well Janay has responded to what has recently happend and I won’t post her response but as you can guess, she’s making excuses for his behavior and claiming that everyone is using their situation for ratings and that he worked “his ass off” for his career and shouldn’t lose his livelihood and so on.

              Honestly I thnk the reason there is no discussion on how to protect BW victims of DV is because BW for the most part have been resistant to anything that may cause throwing BM under the bus.

              Abuse victims in General do this. But I’m just speaking about BW because historically it’s been shown that BW rarely fight for their own rights, safety or protections. And the world sees this.

              I’m of the school – if you don’t want my help, the I’m not gonna keep extending myself and resources to,help a person that doesn’t want to help themselves!

              And DV is NEVER the victims fault, however running back into an unsafe environment means the victim has made that choice to put their safety on the line and there is not much more anyone can do or say once that decision has been made.

              How do you help a woman who is steadfast in returning to the abuser other than pray for her or hope that she has someone close to her that can help her? There is not much anyone can do to help an adult woman who has made the choice to stay in an abusive relationship.

              And top that off with the shutting down of any kinds of discussions that point out why she should not go back – then you are labeled as blaming the victim.

              Personally, the only women I feel the need to help are the ones who have LEFT. Especially the ones in shelters who truly need the help. I have actually gone to shelters to donate and I really feel for these women because they were brave enough to leave, but something in them clicked and they decided to do what was best for themselves and kids. They left despite the odds against them of making it out safely and those are the only women we can actually help in DV cases. It’s left up to Janays family and friends to try and help her the best they can. That’s it.

              Also I’m more concerned in helping young women avoid these situations BEFORE they even have to make that kind of decision to leave! Of course you can never full know who is capable of hitting you before you Re in a relationship, but vetting is a very serious process that BW especially should and need to take seriously and we need to teach our young girls this EARLY ON. Not after they have already succumbed to being in the relationship.

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              • Chongo
                Sep 10, 2014 @ 03:36:09

                I read Janay’s statement. Best wishes to her – sending her love and light.

                “Also I’m more concerned in helping young women avoid these situations BEFORE they even have to make that kind of decision to leave! Of course you can never full know who is capable of hitting you before you Re in a relationship, but vetting is a very serious process that BW especially should and need to take seriously and we need to teach our young girls this EARLY ON. Not after they have already succumbed to being in the relationship.”

                I loved all of that statement. And I agree with all of it.

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                • Neecy
                  Sep 10, 2014 @ 10:59:48

                  Yep that’s all we can do is wish her well.

                  It’s just kinda sad this is the constant image people see of BW in the media. Always an image of being battered and brutalized. Sad.

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      • Chongo
        Sep 09, 2014 @ 01:33:07

        I was worried about the fact that she married him and they have a daughter together.

        I understand that a large number of BW are raised in environments that [purposely] teach them to devalue themselves and encourage low-self esteem and others before self. I understand that some BW feel that they have invested too much in a relationship to walk away especially when he comes bearing the ring accompanied by the trappings of financial security, the ability to create a family, a beautiful home and an envious lifestyle.

        We need to reach out to black girls and show and teach them young to value themselves. To not let anyone disrespect or hurt them regardless of whether it is a family member, a friend or a stranger. I know this is not easy and some just won’t get the lesson. But support (as much as reasonably possible) is integral to ensuring BG and BW thrive.

        And yes men should be far more proactive about calling out bad behavior amongst themselves and holding each other accountable.

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        • Neecy
          Sep 09, 2014 @ 11:13:29

          YOU SAID:
          We need to reach out to black girls and show and teach them young to value themselves. To not let anyone disrespect or hurt them regardless of whether it is a family member, a friend or a stranger. I know this is not easy and some just won’t get the lesson. But support (as much as reasonably possible) is integral to ensuring BG and BW thr

          ME: THIS! And as far as I am concerned, this is the most feasible solution for BW right now. It’s pretty hard to save a woman after she’s already in that situation because now you are dealing with a lot more than “just leave”. It’s obviously very difficult for women once they are in that position, so my stance as a woman is to take the OFFENSIVE route and help BLack girls avoid even having to find themselves in those kinds of relationships in the first place.

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  4. Neecy
    Sep 08, 2014 @ 15:28:46

    http://www.americanbar.org/groups/domestic_violence/resources/statistics.html

    The number one killer of African-American women ages 15 to 34 is homicide at the hands of a current or former intimate partner.

    Africana Voices Against Violence, Tufts University, Statistics, 2002, http://www.ase.tufts.edu/womenscenter/peace/africana/newsite/statistics.htm

    — Approximately 40% of Black women report coercive contact of a sexual nature by age 18.
    Africana Voices Against Violence, Tufts University, Statistics, 2002, http://www.ase.tufts.edu/womenscenter/peace/africana/newsite/statistics.htm

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    • ImAwake
      Sep 08, 2014 @ 19:42:58

      After my boss told me that I could replaced in a snap of finger, My grandmother gave me $900 for massage school back in 91 and I did it to supplement my income (and I supported myself for 5 years doing it full time to pay my MORTGAGE)

      I focused mostly on women of color since most saw massage as a luxury and not a necessity. (and you have to do alot of screen before taking a male client) (yes i got stories) It took a lot of patience and education. I practiced for more than 12 years before burning out. It is very physically and emotionally demanding…there was not one Sistah that didn’t have “touch issues” who got on my table.

      I was always shocked by the “break thrus” most of my clients shared with me regarding their sexual assaults that in some cases they had never shared with anyone. I was trained not to ask any questions since I’m NOT a counselor/psychologist. My training was to ask either did they want me to continue with the session or end it. My conclusion– Female children are very vulnerable in this society. And no one ever did right by these young girls by getting them counseling that was needed. (counseling is your friend)

      Yeah Black women NEED a lot of love and patience. Because this “strong black woman” meme is a lot of bravado to cover up a lot al lot of pain (emotional and physical).

      The Good News is healing is possible. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. It starts with knowing that you are worth it. AND acknowledging other BW are valuable too even if they don’t realize it. You don’t have to spend time with those who don’t value themselves but you can create that space for them to step into in time.

      That is exactly what BWE bloggers have done– image if they waited for BW to finally feel good and value themselves before creating their blogs, we would have NEVER been blessed with insights from Neecy, Evia , Khadijah, Sara, Gina, OLS et al. But they stood and are standing in that space of possibility (yes I’m a touchy feelly So Cali girl) while we get it together. And for that I say Thank you all.

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      • Neecy
        Sep 08, 2014 @ 21:48:19

        Yes I completely believe what you say. Sexual abuse and domestic violence seems to be par for the course in the Black community. No one takes either seriously.

        I am so fortunate I didn’t experience either and grew up around Black parents and people who had some damn semblance of decency and care for their children.

        But the reality is, almost half of Black women experience some kind of sexual abuse sen before they are fully adults.

        I cannot imagine any BW with any kind of brain cells left not seeing how the Black community is no longer an option for her safety, happiness and progress.

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  5. Neecy
    Sep 08, 2014 @ 16:54:57

    This lack of empathy for black women started (IMO) from gangster rap. For decades we’ve seen and heard black males speak of black women as sub humans to be called every disgusting name under the sun. And after decades of black women supporting this and letting black men slide we now see why so many people are desensitized by our suffering.

    They believe we as women simply don’t care how we are treated. And the fact we fight for the very people who abuse us doesn’t help our cause.

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  6. ImAwake
    Sep 08, 2014 @ 21:21:02

    All,

    I remember watching Queen Latifah’s show when she was on back in the day. And she had on there a racist white girl from AL that was willing to live a with a Black family to challenge her racist notions.

    Of course she had an epiphany and realized “we are all the same” but what was eye opening to me was that she was shocked how “felt up” she was when she went to popular club Black/Reggae in NYC and all the sistahs laughed even Queen because the sentiment was like it is part of the experience of going out. I was even like yeah that’s par for the course at the clubs I went to in LA. And this young WG was like we have security in the club it in ensure that the women don’t get molested like that.

    I was like wow. (we know their clubs have problems but she was really shocked that everyone acted like it was ok and NORMAL)

    I never thought about that NOT happening at a club and security being there for the women!? (their there for the bangin) WTH. I JUST THAT IT WAS SOMETHING WE WOMENB HANDLED (AND IT GOT HANDLED) ON OUR OWN.

    In Atl punched a guy on his head (hammer hand a martial art move) for grabbing a handful of my pretty brown and security just stood there laughing saying he thought he was going to have to come to the aid of the masher!!

    I really appreciate the perspective Evia shared about black women trying to find solace in calling white women weak when it is very apparent that ww have chin checked white men to the point that WMM DON’T HOLLA AT THEM WHILE JUST WALKING DOWN THE STREET(I’m NOT talking about spring break but every day approach to meeting a woman); THEY DON’T GRAB YOUR BODY PARTS WHILE YOU WALK BY WHILE IN THE CLUB; THEY DON’T HAVE A COLLECTIVE CONSCIOUSNESS and BROTHERHOOD THAT SUBSCRIBES TO IF THEY IMPREGNANTE A WOMAN SHE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR 100% CHILD REARING. I KNOW I HAVE BEEN THE BENEFICIARY OF WW BRINGING THEIR MEN INLINE. THIS IS SOMETHING THAT BW CAN DRAFT OFF. (we know that in spite of their attempts to rise to the level of being a decent father and husband those bm who are dbr bad habits eventually surface even with their nonBW mates.) (so stop crying over split milk and keep it moving)

    You don’t have a plethora of YT channels talking negatively about ww by wm. WM didn’t create a whole genre of music calling ww everything but a child of god. IF WEAK WOMEN CAN GET THEIR MALE COUNTERPARTS TO SHOW A MODICUM OF RESPECT THEN I’LL RATHER BE WEAK.

    BW need to start demanding respect from everyone!!! Even bm (we have nothing to lose even if they threaten to withhold their support…wait they are already doing that)

    Respect–Anything less is unacceptable.

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    • Neecy
      Sep 08, 2014 @ 21:57:05

      YOU SAID: I really appreciate the perspective Evia shared about black women trying to find solace in calling white women weak when it is very apparent that ww have chin checked white men

      ME:
      BINGO! All that does is make BW look even more foolish when everyone in the world can see we are truly not living up to the whole “strong women” meme we shout. That is why BW just need to stop.

      And yes it seems many BW will find solace in claiming that WW are weak and thus why BM go after them. but frankly, we are the only race of women in which we cater to and coddle our men and get nothing in return. Yet WW complain about their men, Asian women date out of their culture/race in large numbers and they still manage to have the protections in place from their men who proudly remain the backbones of their communities.

      Also, I can tell you as someone who ONLY now attend mixed mainly White clubs, that the security and men DO protect the women from idiot men who try to grab at the women and fondle them. Although, I have NEVER witnessed any White or Asian male trying to grab at or fondle a Non Black woman in any of these clubs. I am not saying it doesn’t happen, but I have never experienced or witnessed it myself. Non Black women are given their space to enjoy themselves free of being sexually harassed in public clubs.

      I actually go out quite a bit with a mixed group of women and I can tell you as a Black woman you will not EVER experience the nonsense that BW do when they are in Black settings with the sexual harassment. It amazes me how much Non Black women are given their space and respected in their own public settings. It is actually refreshing BUT SAD that the only way Black women will not be bothered by crazy Black men or sexually harassed is when we are in groups with Non Black women.

      I remember last year I went to Vegas with all of my White g/f’s for a friend’s bachelorette party. We ended up going to this very nice club at the Encore hotel which is very popular. There are very few Blacks in this club. Anyway, at one point we were all dancing in a group and this guy comes up to one of the girls and just starts dancing (he actually wasn’t even touching her or being inappropriate). But she kept making faces and laughing because she obviously did not wanna dance with him. Do you know the security guard NOTICED her facial expressions and immediately came over and ushered the guy away.

      THIS is the kind of protection in place for Non Black women who are not even being violated. She didn’t have to say anything, walk away, make a fuss. I was utterly shocked and amazed. He SENSED she did not want to be bothered and took care of the situation. And the guy just quietly moved on.

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  7. Neecy
    Sep 08, 2014 @ 22:42:20

    You know what else is sickening YET telling and more proof that Black men do not value Black women? After having a daughter with her, having been together for 6 years, he was ONLY interested in marrying her once he realized that she wouldn’t be able to testify against him had he been prosecuted, since spouses in some states cannot be called to testify against their spouse.

    How disgusting!

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  8. Mike Street Station
    Sep 09, 2014 @ 07:01:07

    I think you guys might be shocked at how this incident is being interpreted in the PUA community: Women like violent, dangerous men, so if you’re a nice guy who respects women, expect to go home alone.

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    • Neecy
      Sep 09, 2014 @ 11:24:38

      hey Mike!

      No,I’m not shocked the PUA says this and possibly they are not that far off. However the problem is the PUA community believes it’s INNATE in women to go after bad boys, dangerous and violent men, but it’s not. It’s CULTURE that drives this.

      And if we look at our culture, violent men, thuggish men are CELEBRATED in our current culture. All day everyday men and women alike are subjected to hearing and seeing things that co-sign that a young man being anything but a decent law abiding citizen is not “hot”.

      So is it no wonder why so many young women feel dangerous and violent men are better mates than nice guys? The culture reinforces that!

      I can especially say for young BW it’s even harder because Black communities across America tell our young girls and boys this is how,it should be. Black men are expected to be violent and hyper masculine and they are rewarded for that in many ways.

      So many young BW never even stand a chance when it comes to knowing and making good decisions for mates because they grow up not only in a culture that promotes that image, but theyLIVE IN IT and have a family and community that says that’s normal.

      Whe the culture changes, the kinds of men women choose will also change.

      Loo at the past. Women always sought the decent quality well adjusted men over the bad boys. Why? Because at that time, the culture promoted those men as ideal.

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  9. neurochick
    Sep 09, 2014 @ 07:08:56

    Ray Rice is scum. Many of the BM on my Facebook are my age, fiftysomethings and all of them said something like, “If that were my daughter, dude would be dead.” Case closed.

    Anyway, read the book, “Is Marriage for White People?” Good book and Richard Banks really has a lot of good insights. I went to youtube to see if I could watch some discussions of that book and I found a question and answer session at USC from two years ago. Interesting to hear what Banks says at the end, in response to the folks who seemed to think that BW should, “sacrifice for the race.”

    Also I found this old clip as well: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y97vpRellY0

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    • Neecy
      Sep 09, 2014 @ 11:18:43

      HEY NEURO!

      My iPad is not,pullingupmthenvideo right now so I’m going to view it whe I get home. However, I wanted to,respond the the father thing.

      As we all know, the breed of BM today are far different from the ones of yesterday (like my dad in his 60s). Actually BM of the past were awesome and yes they would have done this and protected their daughters.

      But sorry to tell you. janays father was there in support of them BOTH at the press conference that Ray did when the story first broke. Also, in Rihanna’s case, her father too was in SUPPORT of her and Chris Brown reconciling.

      So a lot of these women have SUPPORT from their fathers to going back Into these abusive relationships.

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      • neurochick
        Sep 09, 2014 @ 13:10:04

        True, and sadly IMO a lot of that “support” has to do with $$$.

        During the OJ Simpson trial, Nicole Brown’s sister Denise said that OJ had abused Nicole and showed the photographs to prove it. However, that didn’t stop Nicole Brown’s family from going to the Super Bowl every year as invited guests of OJ.

        So, even though OJ had beat his daughter, her family was still accepting gifts from him. I think the power of celebrity and money is very strong with some people.

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        • Neecy
          Sep 09, 2014 @ 13:17:53

          You better believe it!! And it’s usually not only until the woman has been killed by their abuser does the family actually want to “take a stand”.

          That is why the NFL initially only suspended him for two games (what a joke! Why even bother at that point?).

          And the NFL still doesn’t really care about DV they care about covering their asses and not looking “bad”. That is why they waited and now are suddenly dropping the hammer. Whatever!

          Either way I am glad they did it, and oh well if he had to be the example of what will happen if you beat on you SO. No more passes and hopefully more men will think about their long term future before going off the handle and beating on their wives and g/f’s.

          It’s just sad to see so many fathers sell their daughters safety out for $$$.

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  10. Neecy
    Sep 09, 2014 @ 13:03:34

    Next post up will be – Taking the offense when it comes to DV.

    I typically avoid discussing DV because honestly I feel the talk around it is just a bunch of feel good nonsense that offers no real solutions to reducing it. OR Just a bunch of people saying the OBVIOUS and shouting down others who don’t say or agree with the overall “thoughts” on DV. And then when the excitement dies down everyone goes back to their lives and completely forgets about it until the next big DV case hits.

    Because I’m going to do my best to post the OBVIOUS signs of an abuser and sociopath, I’ve never been in an abusive relationship and there is nothing like hearing from the horses mouth, the kinds of signs a woman can see whe it comes to an abuser.

    If there is anyone who has experience domestic violence or abuse and managed to get out AND HEAL (this is important) and understand what took place, I would ask you to email me (anonymously is fine) some of the things you feel could help other young women identify certain behaviors that you may have saw that showed that the person was

    IOW’S,instead of having the atypical defensive discussion on domestic violence in which I feel gets us nowhere in helping to reduce these cases (I.e hitting is bad, don’t blame the victim, there’s a reason why women don’t leave, Yada Yada) , I want to take more of an offensive approach to women doing their best to identify and avoid as much as possible these kinds of sociopaths and abusers.

    I’m especially interested for young Black women because many grow up in environments where if they are not the victims of abuse, they see and know women close to them who are.

    It’s important BW understand that we have to do as much as humanly possible to protect ourselves from abuse. And I just do t feel the current discussions about domestic violence really help women AT ALL other than cliched talk about how DV is bad and stop blaming victims.

    I want to have real discussion on HOW TO HELP YOUNG BLACK WOMEN avoid it in the first place! It’s much easier when you are in an offensive position, and a lot harder when you are in the defensive position after the fact. And that defensive position is one many abuse victims find themselves in when trying to leave or grappling with why they don’t leave.

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