STOP TELLING THE WORLD WHAT YOU ARE DOING – JUST DO IT!

Boy are BW going to keep having to learn the hard way.

 

Understand this: BW are living in an environment society and world that does not wish to see you happy and thriving. Therefore any little inkling you give to your detractors that you are going to do just that, makes you a target for them to up the ante on pushing you back down into your rabbit whole that they want to keep you in.

 

One place where BW need to KEEP their MOUTHS shut about what they are doing is INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS. If you venture on over to BB&W you can read the post about Jacque Reid and her public venture to “start” dating IR. And well, that didn’t work out too well. She pulled out of the PUBLIC challenge to find a Non Black mate for OBVIOUS reasons I saw before they even began.

 

BW. PLEASE STOP talking about it publicly about how you plan to do it etc. JUST DO IT. Don’t tell your family and friends anything unless they are already on board. don’t tell your “well meaning” co workers. Telling a family or friends of your plans to date IR when you already know they are against it is not going to help you.  The OBVIOUS happened with Jacque reid who is a host on Tom Joyner mornning show. Yes a Black environment. We all know Black environments are not the safest places for BW to make announcements that they are not going to sit around and wait for a Black man. So just don’t tell them. All they will do is spend energy talking about why you shouldn’t do that, teasing and making a joke out of you – just like her co-worksers did. And then NY post ran a tabloid bit on her doing it and that was all she wrote.

 

Telling the public that you as a BW are going to attempt IR dating is NOT A GOOD IDEA! The public does not want to see you as a BW successfully dating across the color lines. That is because all the time they spend propping you up as the ASEXUAL FAT BLACK MAMMY and sidekick to the Non black women with Knight and shning armours, FAIL when you are not that chick anymore.

 

The reason I hardly focus on talking about Interracial relationships on this particular blog even though I am 10000% behind BW doing it and understand that BW are not going to survive or have future generations unless she does it, is because I believe BW have to just DO the obvious. The less you talk about something the more time spent on doing it, the better your outcomes will be and the easier it is to offset your detractors and throw them off.

 

If BW took the route that Asian and Black men did we’d be in a much better place. Do you remember BM making any fanfare about dating IR when they were in the beginning stages of doing so? NOPE! Did Asian women? Nope! It was like one decade you woke up and suddenly started seeing all these BM/Non BW pairing and Asian women and Non-Asian men pairings. They were stealth and smart about how they went about it because they probably knew of the pushback. Of course there was pushback but it was way too late by the time they received it.

 

What I am saying is. Of course discuss IR in safe environments with other BW. But going public and sharing your intentions with people who are already against you, is goal suicide!

 

I will never forget recently I was at a Bachelorette party with a mixed group of women. The bride to be (Black and in an IR) and I were talking about a mutual friend of ours who we feel would already be married and with family if she stopped limiting herself to just one race of men (Black men). And BOY did the White girls have something to say. One (who is married to a nice White man and has 2 young children) said “yeah but there are a lot of no good White men out there”. I looked at her and said “well you managed to find a good one, I’m sure she could too!”. She just looked and kept saying how not all WM are great. While I don’t think she meant any real harm in saying that, she completely missed the point of our discussion.

 

It wasn’t about No Good Wm not existing, it was about casting your net wider to have better chances of getting your fish. That by her limiting herself to one race, it has kept her from maximizing her opportunity to find love. But all the WW could come up with is “well there are some shitty WM out there too”. Uh we know that and that was not the topic of our discussion. So see, people are just comfy in keeping BW in their place. Despite her insistince that there are “crappy WM” she managed to find one who wasn’t, got married and has her family.

 

Gotta watch who and where you discuss your plans ladies. Plenty of people have it INGRAINED in their psyche that BW are simply not deserving of what they have or even Better. And a lot of times they don’t even realize they feel this way. It’s just second nature.

 

This is especially important for the average BW who is already sensitive to caring about what other think of her life choices and BW who adjust her choices based on what others say and tell her to do. This is a serious problem with BW. We do not just DO THE OBVIOUS. And when we get a little nudge to do it, we gotta tell the whole wide world – the same world that has been working AGAINST you to achieve that very goal.

 

JUST.DO.IT. There is a reason why that slogan is the slogan of a mutli million dollar company. Something’s you just have to DO and stop talking about it. Its fine to discuss your goals as a BW in a safe environment with other like-minded BW. But the buck should stop there. It’s always going to backfire when BW make announcements about doing anything that can be a positive for her life.

 

IR is the last frontier of keeping BW in her place – for a number of people and reasons, it behooves them to keep BW in her place, feeling unwanted, fat, asexual and not with quality men of ANY race. I would recommend in your own personal lives as a BW to just DO the things you want and don’t discuss them with anyone until well after you have accomplished that goal.

 

Of course if you have like-minded people or blogs (like this and others ) to discuss that is fine. But beware of discussing your ideas about self and life improvement AND DATING with just anyone. People are used to and comfy in seeing BW stay in her little box and rabbit hole. The minute you start trying to climb out and letting those same people know that you plan on doing so, you have just sabotaged yourself and your goals because now they will use their power to mentally and emotionally bludgeon you until you fall back into your rabbit hole and box.

 

JUST. DO. IT. LADIES! Don’t talk about it – be about it!

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82 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Lynn
    Nov 18, 2014 @ 11:44:54

    Neecy,

    Thank you for this entry! I have been saying this for years. Almost everyone in America is against BW as a collective improving our circumstances. If for no other reason than a general feeling of not being on the bottom of the socio/economic/lifestyle rung in society. People feel better about themselves when they have a group to look down upon. This definitely includes most Black people. The majority of your family members will NOT approve of your dating choices if they include White/NonBlack men.

    Your discussion and the WW butting in is a prime example that has happen to me many times. I also frequently run into WW who are chatty and friendly up until they find out my boyfriend is White. All of a sudden their whole demeanor changes and they are not as ‘friendly’ as before. This is the de facto experience I encounter, though sometimes I’m pleasantly surprised when it does not happen.

    Smarter BW need to keep this in mind when interacting with anyone that has not proven themselves an ally. We cannot afford to keep falling for the okey-dokes and blabbing all of our plans. America LOVES to keep the BW collective down. Just like Khadija mentioned in one of her blog entries about the ‘demonic strongholds’ existing in the Black Constructive; I personally believe this is the same thing in larger society. If this wasn’t so, there would not be so many people – both Black and NonBlack – weighing in on who Black Women date. This was not the norm when Black men and Asian women started dating out. Sure there was a few articles done here and there, but not to the extent we have seen in the last few years in regards to BW.

    As Neecy said: BW just do it!

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    • Neecy
      Nov 18, 2014 @ 18:43:00

      Hi Lynn!

      Yes BW need to stop blabbing about all the things she plans on doing with her life to people who are going to do everything in thier power to sabotage her. At this juncture, that includes almost anyone with a vested GAIN in keeping BW under their boot.

      As you said, everyone likes to know they have someone beneath them to take the kicks of sand and dust and better believe everyone will try to keep themselves out of that position by working overttime and keeping BW in that place.

      This is the whole point of the medias CONCERTED long term effort at keeping BW asexual and overall unnattractive to the masses of quality men. You better believe that all the non attractive Jewish & White women are happy to have another group of women deemed “beneath them” so that people like that monster Lena Dunham can be praced around ike she’s the hotest thing since Iphones.

      It seems like every other group on this earth is interested in dong whatever it takes to keep themselves ahead of the game EXCEPT Black women.

      As more and more BW move into progressive areas of life, that means more and more BW will have to be stealth about what the are doing. I don’t discuss my blog or my future plans at starting a BW form of media with ANY of my friends or family. They’ll know when I am fully completely invested in it nad its up and running. until then, quiet as kept on my end.

      BW need to just start DOING stuff because better believe no successful business or entity or even person has announced before hand to his/her detractors what they plan on doing. Why give your detractors the ability to sabotage you before you even start?

      IR’s is the one and FINAL place people do NOT want BW venturing. trust me. That ALONR has been the catalyst and foundation of why BW are presented so disgustingly in the media as unfeminine and unworthy of quality and value men who love and adore her.

      That means that other women will no longer simply get a pass for having White skin and they may actually have to compete with a woman who looks furthest from her for the male attention they are so used to getting so friviously and in many times where it is unwarranted. That also means for Black males they can no longer just be Black with teeth and a penis to mate up with any BW they deem they should have access to. No one likes competition when they haven’t had to do much to gain their status. Once they have to start proving themselves worthy of that statusby compeition, that’s when the SHTF!

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  2. jazzyfae45
    Nov 18, 2014 @ 12:18:30

    *Coming out of lurk mode*

    Neecy you are so right. Everyone and their mamas have such a vested interest in keeping black women at the bottom. It’s how it has been since the beginning of America’s history. If black women are looking for people to say “You go girl!!!” and “Do what’s best for you we support you” they are going to be in for a very rude awakening. Much like the lovely Jacque Reid. And it’s pretty stupid to expect those who hate you to support you in anything positive. Like you stated black women need to practice stealth. Especially when your around those who want to see fail and at the bottom. Like I said on Beyond Black & White I think things would have worked out better if she did the challenge in secret THEN once she had herself a man then talk about her experience. At that point people would have still had sh*t to say but it wouldn’t make a difference because she had her man. All black women need to look at Jacque Reid’s experience as a lesson. Use stealth stealth stealth!!!!!

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    • Neecy
      Nov 18, 2014 @ 18:48:51

      Hey Jazzy welcome to the blog!!

      Yep! Jacque reids story should be a real lesson on why its foolish for BW to make public announcements on what they plan on doing – espeically when it comes to IRs.

      But part of me is starting to wonder if she was just another Matrix BW in on the joke afterall looking to appease and prove something for her Black audiences. Hmmmm.

      We know the depths that many BW will go to, to PROVE somehting to Black men and how “there is nothing better”.

      I wouldn’t be surprised it if was all a set up on her part to prove something against IR’s.

      Either way, whether it was or wasn’t there is still a valuable lesson to be learned either way.

      JUST SHUT IT and JUST DO IT!

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  3. Social Butterfly
    Nov 18, 2014 @ 13:16:02

    Right on!!!

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  4. Robynne
    Nov 18, 2014 @ 14:09:33

    Neecy, you have been stating nothing but the truth. Some BW loudly proclaim what they are going to do, because some really want to be sabotaged. They had no genuine interest in “dating out.” Other bw do this for a myriad of other reasons, including PR – which I believe is the case for the situation you referenced in your post for the major players involved.
    To your larger point, yes, it of the utmost importance to practice stealth, especially in a context where BW are routinely sabotaged. Why telegraph your intentions? So that others can ensure that your (supposed) goal never comes to fruition? Black Women with Other Brothers (BWWOB) who hosts a blog and a facebook page talks about practising guile and stealth while dating. This topic has been covered by the pioneer BWE blog mistresses before, but she also brought up the fact that many of these women, by “blabbing” not only open themselves up to pre-relationship/dating sabotage, but also post-dating sabotage in the form of “mate poaching.” You just don’t talk about your relationship or your dating practices, especially to persons or collectives who have a track record of not sanctioning such dating behaviour amongst bw (i.e., most people, including other BW). Nor do you talk about your relationship and entertain others with hundreds of pictures of you both on social media sites. BW who do this lack the common sense to maintain any sense of mystery, and also open the door wide open for saboteurs of all stripes, including the poachers! Having firm boundaries also plays a big part in NOT loudly proclaiming your intentions. People know who to mess with, and she with no boundaries makes for easy targeting.

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    • Neecy
      Nov 18, 2014 @ 18:55:26

      ROBYNNE SAID: Some BW loudly proclaim what they are going to do, because some really want to be sabotaged. They had no genuine interest in “dating out.” Other bw do this for a myriad of other reasons, including PR – which I believe is the case for the situation you referenced in your post for the major players involved.

      ME:
      GIRL I literally was just posting this to Jazzy Fae!. I am starting to believe she had no “real” intentions of “dating” IR and used this as a ploy to appease Black men and audiences about “loyalty” BW have to Black men. Also as a way to slight IRs with BW and Non BM. Even in her stating she was going to try to date she claimed she still preffered Black men.

      I really don’t have time for all this foolishness BW do just to get some puppy dog treats from black people.

      The more I read into this, the more I am starting to believe the joke was on all the hopefuls who thought she was really trying her hand at interracial dating.

      Just another slight against BW serious about dating IR to make us look bad. I don’t put anything past the Matrix dwelling BW these days.

      But since I am not 100% positive this was her plan, if it wasn’t, then all I can say is she has given smart BW a valuable lesson to live by – STOP telling the world what you plan on doing. No one as Jazzy fae said is going to come running to you as a BW saying “Oh girl go for it!”. There may be a few people but if BW are expecting a great number of people in society to give her accolades for making her life better, she better think twice.

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      • Soul Alive
        Nov 19, 2014 @ 12:36:25

        Not only that Neecy and others, but what man wants to be someones guinea pig and experimental case? If she proclaimed that she really only wants some Black male and she is only dating out as an experiment, who wants to sign up for that? Would you feel good about being with that person?

        She would have been better off making a genuine go of it, but she, it would appear was not genuine in her efforts at all. It was all for show, smoke and mirrors and to add more cannon fodder against Black women.

        I didn’t know she worked for Tom Joyner, that right there should have been our first clue.

        Black women, take notes from Finding Nemo and just keep swimming!

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    • Neecy
      Nov 18, 2014 @ 19:00:35

      In regards to how women in general should keep thier mouths shut about their relationships in general I completely agree!

      I learned this in JUNIOR HIGH! LOL Just look at the celebs who braodcast every little thing about their love life. How long do those relationships last and how many quality people try to get with them afterwards?

      Quality people do not blabb about their love life all over social media and such. Some things should be kept to yourself. The more you put your business and love life and dating life business out in the media and social networks, the more you jeapordize quality men wanting to pursue and be with you because they do not want thier business all in the street.

      And yes. If Jacque truly had the best intentions of dating out, she just marked herself as a BW with issues because if I were a Non BM I would fear she would be overly concerned about what others thought about the relationship to the point she would allow them to deter her from being fully committed.

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  5. HomesteadGlamourGurl
    Nov 18, 2014 @ 18:29:45

    Shut up and do it regardless of being concerned about sabotage. As Evia as said, it seems like many bw just want to talk, talk, talk about dating/marrying IR but never get out there and actually DO it.
    Evia just did it.
    Christelyn just did it.
    Khadija is just doing it.
    I just did it.
    At this point it has been well established that a fair number of other-than-black (lots of them white) men are interested in black women for love and marriage. There have been blog posts about sending signals, beinSg open, where to go, how to dress, We’ve posted about fitness, confidence, refinement, and on and on and on and on and on and on and on.

    If you are going to do it, do it!
    Start your business.
    Get on a fitness plan.
    Dump toxic friends and family.
    Start dating IR already. (Or as I would call it, “dating”)

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    • Neecy
      Nov 18, 2014 @ 19:18:02

      @ HomesteadGlamour

      YES! How many warnings have BW had to NOT blab and to be stealth in all things that she does in regards to improving her life?

      Look how stealth Asian women were in dating out thier race/culture. I remember reading a post on Khadijas about this.

      Also, a job I had some years ago I worked with an older Asian woman who would get really irritated with the “submissive docile” Asian woman stereotypes. I told her about how irritated I was with the images of BW. She actually sided with me and had empathy for BW (she was older and had nothing to gain from trying to make me believe I was crazy – lol). She confided me about how Asian women weren’t always deemed as high value mates either – especially after the wars and such where they were seen as “easy” military lays. I also remember in the 80’s after that movie full metal jacket, that people used to say how all aasian women were military prostitues for the military guys etc.

      I don’t even remember seeing many AW/NON Asian Men pairing while growing up in the 80’s.

      Granted Asian women did not have the history of consistently being de-humanized as were BW in America. Nonetheless, they managed to work themselves out of those stigmas and into being some of the most sought after women globally.

      But those Asian women moved with some serious stealth because I swear it was like they weren’t even on a radar and then one decade I looked up and suddenly it was Asian woman fever. LOL I do think that with the sudden splurge of modern day “anything goes” feminism and the fat acceptance campaign over the last couple decades, has helped pushed Asian women in the position they are in, because they were never really on either of those bandwagons (fat acceptance and feminism). So being smaller and thinner in stature and demeed the anti thesis of the modern day American woman feminist helped them quite a bit.

      But the point is They sat back while everyone was calling them all kinds of prostitutes and low caliber military “skanks” and shut thier mouths and got BUSY. Now they are a force to be reckon with in the dating world especially for White women who have always held the “standard”. Now many studies show that Asian women are on equal if not slightly greater footing with WW who held the position for so long.

      Black women can do the same, but they will NEVER accomplish anythign telling every damn body about thier “plans”.

      I do believe BW should link up with (either in personal lives or on cyberspace) other BW allies on the same mission. But other than that, no one else should be in on a BW’s goals and plans.

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  6. Evia
    Nov 19, 2014 @ 06:58:15

    *Putting on my laboratory coat here* LOL!

    Neecy, there are many slices and slivers to examine in this discussion. I’m going to focus on one of them that has lessened the chances of AABW getting their one American CQLL man and at the same time has caused a lot anti-AAbw sentiments. Lose-lose.

    For the past decade, y’all know I’ve encouraged/urged/exhorted/compelled/campaigned for typical AAbw to exercise their self-preservation instinct and exercise their constitutional right to mate and marry whomever that INDIVIDUAL woman VETS and views as the best quality choice for her. In a world where the best resources (whether it’s clean water, good education, quality men or anything else) are relatively scarce or not nearly enough, I always knew that OF COURSE, other women (from outside AND inside the group) were my natural competition for a quality man. This is just normal and natural and nothing to get mad about.

    Some knowledge borders on not just common sense, but basic intelligence. To use an analogy, if there are 20 starving women in a room and only 3 bread crumbs on the table, my basic intelligence tells me that I should not broadcast to the other 19 women my plans for getting one of those crumbs. LOL!

    What is sad is that so many AAbw BELIEVE that the other women in the room and all the folks outside the room should be FAIR to them and encourage them to get one of the crumbs.This in essence, means that most of the other women would have to be willing to sacrifice themselves in order for an AAbw to not starve. Won’t happen.

    I know this is a very simplistic analogy, but in essence, this is how real life works. In real life, MOST typical people (aside from AAbw ) will paste a smile or pleasant look on their face but use decoys and various okey-dokes to distract you, while they move ahead and up by hook or by crook. They don’t tell you that but this is standard operating procedure in MOSTLY all cultures–aside from AAbw culture.

    These days, this is why many AAbw like Jacque Reid (who’ll be 40 in January) are being publicly ridiculed and held up as laughing stock. It’s because SO MANY AAbw like her are operating like very naive, sad children–headed for extinction.

    This is among the reasons why I identify as PAB. I saw early on that way too many AAbw tend to have a losing mentality or one that gets them much less than their share.

    Identity is critical. Since I’m PAB, I’ve rarely ever operated according to the rules of AAbw,

    As a PAB woman, it wasn’t hard at all for me to find a CQLL man to marry and if I ever wanted to do it again, I would’t have a problem doing it. This is why I just went ahead and did what I needed to do to get my CQLL man–in both cases. And my marriage to Darren is fairly recent.

    As I’ve said so many times before, it’s primarily AAs who believe that life should be “FAIR.” Fairness has nothing to do with life or human beings, so it’s a waste of time trying to change basic human nature.

    Instead of just “DOING IT” as you’re now stressing, and “Act like Butterflies”–as I’ve stressed–so many AAbw instead create anti AAbw sentiments by becoming engaged or embroiled in in all kind of debates, diatribes, PUBLIC blabbing campaigns, and confrontational or aggressive stances on Front street which boils down to them seeking encouragement and approval from AAs and also from other women. They want these others (their competitors and their “brothamen”) to love, accept, encourage, and be “fair” to them, let them get in front to get one of the 3 bread crumbs. Not going to happen.

    And when they don’t get this approval and “fairness” from others, so many AAbw become hurt, loud, abrasive or decide to blow up on food. SMH I’ve concluded that SOME of the blowing up on food–that bw do–is retaliation. It’s like they’re saying: “Since you don’t love or approve of me, I’m going to make myself look as grotesque as possible or eat myself to death and then you’ll be sorry.”

    During the first half of my life, the overwhelming most of AAbw used to be “normal-sized.” NEVER believe the junk about how AAbw have always been BIG or are supposed to be BIG. Most AAbw started blowing up on food as of the late 80s and 90s.

    Bottomline is that many AAbw are bringing a LOT of the anti-bw sentiment on themselves.

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    • Rae
      Nov 19, 2014 @ 10:59:13

      Evia You articulate perfectly! You’re really helping this 19 year old right here. What you said on weight is so accurate regarding bw. It’s a shame bw like you and Neecy are far and few in between. Oh, and btw what happening to AA woman is also happening to too many carribean and women from African Countries. Don’t believe the hype that foreign bm are better, they’re the same old, same old.

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    • HomesteadGlamourGurl
      Nov 19, 2014 @ 12:45:00

      In high school in the nineties there were only a few girls who were “big”. I was shocked to visit my high school’s website and see the numbers of VERY overweight black girls. Sad.

      You said:
      “What is sad is that so many AAbw BELIEVE that the other women in the room and all the folks outside the room should be FAIR to them and encourage them to get one of the crumbs.This in essence, means that most of the other women would have to be willing to sacrifice themselves in order for an AAbw to not starve. Won’t happen.”

      I did a post on my blog about the fairness delusion a little while back. Actually, I quoted you. lol
      http://myplaceinthesun.typepad.com/my_place_in_the_sun/2014/09/its-not-fair.html

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      • Rae
        Nov 19, 2014 @ 14:14:54

        Every time I go to a black centered website and mention the weight problems that plague black women, the young black girls & women viciously attack you and don’t even believe you’re a bw. All of them keep saying men should accept you the way you are. The vast majority of bw have a weight issue and are in denial.

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      • Neecy
        Nov 26, 2014 @ 16:42:28

        This is sooo true. The women in my mothers generation who were from the 70’s and 80’s were not big at all. And if they were they were usually older BW. But young BW in thier prime were never as big as we are in this last two decades. My mom was never a big woman and neither were many of the BW in the 80’s.

        It wasn’t until late 80s and 90’s that BW literally blew up in weight and became more well known for being overweight than in shape and lean.

        I will say part of it was the increase in White women procaliming “fat acceptance” that only helped to lead BW into the lion’s den of being the face of being overweight and “proud”. Suddenly wat used to be shapley and curvy in the Black community is now simply FAT.

        Fat acceptance has also IMO led more Asian women to become more successful in the dating market since they never jumped on that bandwagon.

        Let’s not kid ourselves. Being overweight is the NUMBER ONE reason BW are pushed out of the dating market and typically are deemed to have lower SMV than others.

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    • Neecy
      Nov 26, 2014 @ 16:37:14

      THANK YOU EVIA!!

      I can always count on you to break it down! I cannot understand why BW cannot see that everyone in the world who is ahead of the game, has gotten there by being shrewd and calcuating.

      Meanwhile BW are being bamboozled into beng everyone’s emotional caretaker and can see that this has gotten us nowehere.

      i.just.don’t.get it!!!

      At what point do BW’s survival skills kick in?

      Its really mind boggling how easy BW make it for everyone to win while we stay losing by trying to play “fair”.

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  7. Shaylah
    Nov 19, 2014 @ 07:07:49

    I remember Jacque Reid said something about if you want it licked right, get white. That mentality prove everyone can have education on paper and not have intelligence. I was thinking about black families. How out of a group of 100 black families, maybe, just maybe 2 or 3 families have passports? We can travel and do more things but it seems to me that we have enslaved ourselves because of a fear of fill in the blanks, white folks, what other blacks will think, what the family will think. You can have exposure to education but have a closed mind when it comes to expanding your education. How many black women will want to study abroad but they hear from relatives who only have gone across the street on how they rape and kill black women. Keep in mind, none of these people travel but they become instant experts. Black women like Jaque Reid, Donna Brazille, and countless others have been exposed to various men of backgrounds and culture but yet are single. If a black women wants to be single, of course that is her choice, but 99.99999% of the time, she discouraged from doing anything for herself unless it involves the community. If she dare think about having any life of her own on her terms with her own money, she then called names, led into guilt trips because she is actually spending her own money that she worked for. We have about 30 plus some days until 2015 and we need to think about how we spent this year and what are things to do next year. Time is going fast and I am making a list in this order:
    1. Short term goals
    2. Long term
    3. Right now goals
    The right now goals meaning every month, I will accomplish something on that list because I am getting the wheels in motion.
    I do not know if you did a post on this Neecy, but I am now weening myself of being addicted of helping so much. When black women stop helping and not trying to solve everyone else problem at the expense of their well being, a lot of our monies will start to funnel back to us. If you have children, take care of them. No more loaning any money, which I did not do much of anyway. When people beg it seems like on every corner, I just smile and keep going. The holidays are coming up and I am getting makeover to go parties and socialize. If I meet someone fine, I want to increase my social circle of positive, likeminded people and explore new and exciting adventures.
    BLACK WOMEN JUST DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  8. HomesteadGlamourGurl
    Nov 19, 2014 @ 10:42:02

    There needs to be a new challenge on the IR blogs or IR threads/posts at these blogs… No posting on the subject of “what bw need to do re: IR” if you aren’t married or had a date in the past couple of months.

    Put up, or shut the entire hades up.

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  9. HomesteadGlamourGurl
    Nov 19, 2014 @ 12:40:11

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  10. KP
    Nov 19, 2014 @ 12:41:30

    This applies to not just dating, but practically every area in life that BW want to and need to advance. Khadijah and other BWE bloggers like Evia have been preaching this for years, but so many of us still don’t get it.

    Stealth is a winning game! Stealth helped Sara Blakely create a billion dollar company, and she never told her friends and family about Spanx b/c they crushed other dreams she had in the past. She only discussed her dreams with people who could help her, which were only 2 people during the start-up phase of her company. Now that she’s a billionaires she said she still doesn’t discuss her business with family and friends.

    I can’t remember the post, but I remember on one of Khadijah’s posts, in the comments she said something to the effect of BW already being so isolated and lonely, that we just want a pat on the head when we finally decide to take on a new path in life. However, to practice stealth, we would have to give up the faux support and take on even more loneliness, but few of us realize that it’s temporary and the future rewards are even greater. That has always stuck with me, b/c it’s true, so many of us don’t trust our own instincts about things, we continue to look for those pats on the head.

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    • Neecy
      Nov 26, 2014 @ 16:46:34

      @KP

      EXACTLY!!

      BW have nothing to lose because many BW are already going at it by themselves. This should be the era for progressive BW to make great strides. But if BW are not savvy, smart, caluclating and stealth it will never happen because we have too many forces working against us. Everyone, group, etc. in this world is always lookign for ways to keep themselves ahead. BW are the only group who VOLUNTARILY give away thier power.The only way they can win is when we BW want to tell everyone about our plans and what we are doing.

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  11. IamKM
    Nov 19, 2014 @ 16:03:02

    I think Jacque Reid and other BW like her are idiots, plain and simple. Like others have said, they blab about what they are going to do and then get shocked at the backlash. Or, they self-sabotage for a pat on their heads.

    I’ll be honest, I’ve dated IR over ten years now, from when I was 19. I dated IR when I was slim, and I was still in an IR relationship when I got too big. I just decided to exit out of another IR relationship now and I’m not as thin as I would like or I should be for my height. Yet, I am an unique woman, there is no one like me, and I take care of myself mentally, physically, and holistically. Most BW don’t even think they are unique, let alone want to take care of themselves.

    Too many BW have been around BWE blogs just for entertainment while still doing the same old, same old. Then, they may end up “swirling” but they take the same manners and actions with them out of the BC and end up as swirl baby mommas to DBR Sam who sells meth or DBR David who is running through as many women as he can go through. They broadcast everything and end up in the end with nothing because the real world sees honesty as naivety and chews up and spits out those. And the real world has and will continue to chew up and spit out BW until those who can see change.

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    • Neecy
      Nov 26, 2014 @ 16:48:51

      ITA!

      I think the BW most serious about doing what is best for thier lives including dating are JUST DOING IT. They are not waiting for a green light to say “go”. They are not treating dating like its a college course.

      Dating is something you just have to do. That is why on my platform I try to teach sef awareness/improvement bevause that will help when it comes time to pick and choose quality partners.

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  12. APA
    Nov 21, 2014 @ 12:34:20

    Other posters mentioned that one reason BW tend to blab is that they are lonely and lack trustworthy individuals in their circles who can serve as advisers or assist them with their goals and dreams. As a result, some BW will latch on to anyone who is willing to lend a listening ear and provide an ego boost, which makes them more vulnerable to users and abusers, who will actively work to tear them down. BWE/BW-centered blogs have emphasized the importance of network building, and discussions like this really show how important it is that we learn how to vet those around us and surround ourselves with truly, like-minded individuals.

    My uncle is a strong believer in not telling anyone your business. I used to think that he was being paranoid, but as I have gotten older and had to deal with some people, I have come to adopt the same kind of thinking. You can be friendly, cordial, and well-liked without people knowing your personal business. You don’t have to be an open book to strangers in order for people to feel like you are genuine. I would also like to add that you should steer clear of people who over share. Often times, con artists will share deeply (potentially fake) personal stories to gain sympathy as well as establish a false bond of trust. In addition, people who over share just tend to have poor boundaries.

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    • neurochick
      Nov 22, 2014 @ 16:00:15

      @APA, you make a very good point when you mentioned BW blabbing their business to everybody. First of all, what you do is nobody’s business but your own; besides most people are self centered and really don’t care about you anyway.

      Many years ago, I heard a therapist, Terry Gorski talk about relationships; he said that people from dysfunctional families don’t realize that there are different levels of relationships; that they’re either completely alone, or completely boundary-less with people. He said that some people are casual, the doorman, the bus driver, people you say, “Good morning” to and say no more. There’s functional association, these are usually co-workers, people with whom you share responsibilities to accomplish certain goals, not a lot of intimacy there. Then there are companions, people you like to do certain activities with; with companions the activity is more important than the person, for instance, someone you like to see action movies with and not much else. And then there are friends; friends are people who you want to be with because of who they are, the person is more important than the activity, and there is more intimacy with friends than with the other types of relationships.

      What I see a lot of is too many BW makes friends out of people who who shouldn’t be friends. I used to work in a place where everybody used to talk about themselves, share all types of stuff, it was a place filled with drama, fights, screaming, excitement. Now I work with a BW who is silent and doesn’t talk about herself. At first, I thought she was being “stuck up” but then I learned to appreciate her silence; it’s a lot less drama and a lot more serene.

      As BW, we have to be careful about who we share with and be careful with whom we pick to be our friends.

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      • APA
        Nov 23, 2014 @ 09:54:32

        Neurochick,

        I agree that BW need to be careful about who they make their friends especially since many of us are conditioned to be mules and therefore have poor boundaries with others. As a result, BW have to be extra vigilant about who they give their time and resources since their instincts may not always be accurate. Vet, vet, and resist the urge to put yourself on the line for others who have not shown themselves to be loyal to you. Another question to ask besides “Qui bono?” is “What have you done for me lately?” Ask yourself this when a friend, colleague, or family member asks you for another favor. Never assume that because you’ve helped someone in the past that they’ll return the favor in the future. Past actions predict future behavior. If they haven’t done anything for you lately despite your past goodwill, then they likely won’t do anything for you in the future.

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        • neurochick
          Nov 23, 2014 @ 13:03:40

          @APA, yes you are right. I see a lot of BW want to be friends with people who are really acquaintances; people they don’t really know; wanting to rescue someone you casually work with is an example. Why “cape” for someone you don’t know at all? And a person who’s never done anything for you?

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    • Neecy
      Nov 26, 2014 @ 16:51:17

      EXACTLY. BW in general have poor boundaries because many are raised to believe that if we always do good and be transparent (i.e. “KEEP IT REAL”) that somehow things will work in our favor.

      And BW are just waaay too trusting of the wrong people in general. Most BW believe if they play nice with everyone, we will get that in return.

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  13. Rae
    Nov 24, 2014 @ 08:05:28

    Reply

    • DiraD
      Nov 24, 2014 @ 11:18:19

      I am sure you mean well, but I strongly disagree with linking to a comment section full of anti-black racism.

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    • JaliliMaster
      Nov 25, 2014 @ 09:41:36

      There was nothing in that article that surprised me. This is typical black folks behaviour, always thinking that the rules should somehow be changed for you, and then crying racism when your half-thought out plans don’t work out. I scanned through the comments, but from what DiraD said, I’m assuming there were racist comments there, so I gave reading them a miss.

      I was always appalled whenever I would hear some AA’s praise/welcome the ascent of China, as a punishment to America and all she has done. The fact that it may be bad for white folks, does not mean that it will be good for you. These folks never seemed to realise that things would always be worse for you with them (the Chinese). At least, in America, it is your own country, there are laws that the government has to at least pretend to follow, and you have a reasonable amount of rights. In China, none of this applies. You cannot guilt those folks into giving you any handouts, as they don’t have that same history (of oppression) as white folks have with black people.

      The 19th century was the century of Britain, the 20th the century of America, and I am pretty certain that the 21st will be the century of China. Through all these periods, the common theme that runs through them is that black folks, as a collective, will be part of the underclass. I have accepted that the majority of black people will keep on behaving in the daft ways that they behave, whilst every other group is moving on/up in life and in this world. All one can do is make moves on an individual level to ensure that you are best positioned to take advantage of opportunities (and create said opportunities). It will be made harder by the fact that there isn’t that ‘group support’, but there isn’t much that one can do about that.

      What that article didn’t mention is the crime wave that many of these folks from Africa bring. Granted, it may not be the majority, but enough to become a pariah. If you go to someone else’s home, you do not make yourself a nuisance or pariah, and then complain when you are treated like one. It is normal for migrant communities to police themselves, to ensure that the dregs amongst them do not go and screw things up for others within that group. That is something that Black folks, in almost whatever place they congregate, fail to do. This usually results in them being treated differently from other non-black migrants, but they will always blame this difference in treatment solely on the host community’s racism/prejudice, but never take into account how their behaviour and actions (or the actions of other members of their group), negatively influences their collective image. The usual refrain is always “don’t judge me because of the actions of so-and-so other member of my group”, yet they make little to no effort to police the actions of other group members.

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      • Neecy
        Nov 26, 2014 @ 17:25:26

        @ JALILIMASTER

        You hit the head on the nail!

        The fact is Black people getting excited over China taking over it just pathetic. That means nothing for Black speople as the Chinese will continue the legacy of Europeans and exploit Africa and Africans for thier own collective gain.

        But you know what? If Black people (specifically Black men) want to continue to throw away all the wealth that comes naturally from Africa and line the pockets of every other people who could give a flying watoosie about them – then OH WELL!

        Only foolish people like Blacks continue to allow themselves to be exploited for everyone else’s gain. Its very parallel to how Black women work and think in general – thus why we are in the situations we are in as a race of women.

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    • Neecy
      Nov 26, 2014 @ 17:03:00

      Nothing surprises me anymore with Black people freely giving away their power. Blacks (BLACK MEN SPECIFICALLY) have been doing this since the beginning of time and thus why the Black race overall will not and has not ever gotten anywhere when we look at the overall picture. I say Black men because its the MEN of a race/culture who are to protect it and garner the best of it that they can in a world where trade and exporting, importing is KING and what makes nations and people wealthy.

      Black men have sold thier culture, race and land up stream for TRINKETTS while making every other nation and people rich because they are so individually driven by thier own personal greed and lack of concern for the overall people.

      This is the Black races complete downfall.

      Asians are very xenophobic people in general. The only group they tend to view on thier level or above is White people. Asian culture worships whiteness.

      Asians are also very self centered and concerned for mainly themsleves and thier own. They are not a force to be reckon with because they think and do what Blacks have been doing for centuries – trusting everyone and looking out for only themselves as individuas.

      Ironically, China especially is experiencing a very great shortage of wives for the men. Reports are saying that many Chinese men will increasingly be importing African brides to make up for the loss of available Chinese females for marriage. Their one child rule and preference for male children has come back to haunt and bite them in the butt. So this should be interesting.

      As with anythign with Africa? What is new? Black people have been selling momma Africa up the stream for trinkets for DECADES and centuries.

      frankly, if Blacks are not strong enough to hold onto and fight to keep one of the richest lands on planet earth, they do not deserve it!

      Its shameful how much resources Africa has. Blacks – Africans more specifically should be the richest wealtheist people on EARTH with the amount of resources in Africa that have been explouted by the Europeans and Chinese.

      Its sickening. But to whome much is given , much is expected. And Africans have shown they cannot handle control of the great resources being exploited for the crumbs they take in return.
      OH WELL!

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      • jazzyfae45
        Nov 28, 2014 @ 16:30:50

        Me and my sister were JUST talking about this yesterday. With all the natural and lucrative resources that Africa has it should be black people that are at the top. It should be black people that are the “standard”. But noooo. Black men have shown that they will sell out black people in a hot minute to get a few million dollars and a pat on the head from other races. I mean sure they may get a few million here and there, but the people they sell out to are making waaaay more than what they are getting. But hey as long as you have the big fancy house, the nice cars, and women galore it’s all good right? Smh it’s really pathetic. But like you said o well. They’ll continue to be at the bottom and least respected men of all races but turn around and complain about it *shugs shoulders*

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  14. Rae
    Nov 24, 2014 @ 12:23:48

    noooooo! i wasn’t referring to the comments! i’m sorry , i was referring to the article. itself and only. i did see the terrible comments and of course I’m not agreeing with that. I remember Khadija writing a post on black people need to give up their hopes and dreams of returning to Africa because China will recolonize it. It looks like she is right. The post was on the muslim bushido blog.

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    • DiraD
      Nov 24, 2014 @ 19:23:51

      I am sorry if I was trigger happy in my reaction. Funnily enough, I never had a hope of returning to Africa or moving to a black majority country. I have always seen my ethnic group (AA) as distinct and never subscribed to Pan-Africanism ideals.

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  15. APA
    Nov 25, 2014 @ 13:01:36

    JaliliMaster:

    I co-sign everything that you said in your previous post regarding Africa and China. It is also a subject that I’ve been following somewhat because my parent’s home country, Nigeria, has been having increased dealings with the Chinese. Once again, the main issue is that the black (mis)leadership doesn’t have any interest in ensuring the well-being of its citizens. They are only concerned with laundering money and financing their extravagant lifestyles. However, I believe that this time that they’ve shot themselves in the foot because from what I understand some of these business deals involve handing over control of oil wells to the Chinese. As a result, these politicians are basically handing their pot of gold to the Chinese, who I bet will not allow them to raid it anytime they please. I hope that they steal enough money to last a lifetime because pretty soon the well will run dry (sarcasm). I couldn’t care less about the politicians, but I am irritated that the increased amount of foreign investment will not improve the conditions and standard of living of ordinary Africans. This influx of investment should be bringing development and new jobs to the country, but it’s not because the government isn’t establishing any ground rules for foreign investors.

    Also, I can attest to the fact that native Chinese citizens are very racist. Currently, I have a Chinese roommate, and I am often shocked at the racist and ignorant statements that she feels comfortable, making about other ethnic groups. She has also told me that her desire in life is to be “paper white and paper thin.” Truth be told, I wouldn’t associate with someone like her in real life, but she signed a one year lease with me, so I have been collecting my rent checks and avoiding speaking with her, which is easy since I am busy with school. IMO, some of the views that these Chinese immigrants hold mirrors the same hateful views many whites had before the Civil Rights Movements about non-whites, and they pass on many of these hateful views to their children. I have read comments from online affirmative action debates where American-born Asians are front and center, making statements about the supposed inferiority of African-Americans and Hispanics. They seem to believe since their group has the highest SAT average that they should be lord and master over everyone. An argument that is often made during these debates is that if affirmative action didn’t exist and admissions were based entirely on “merit” then the majority of medical schools, law schools, ivy league colleges, etc. would consist almost entirely of Asians without a black or brown person in site. One poster even made the argument that by letting “unqualified” African-Americans into medical schools that the medical establishment was risking the lives of patients.

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    • JaliliMaster
      Nov 25, 2014 @ 17:25:35

      Also, I can attest to the fact that native Chinese citizens are very racist. Currently, I have a Chinese roommate, and I am often shocked at the racist and ignorant statements that she feels comfortable, making about other ethnic groups. She has also told me that her desire in life is to be “paper white and paper thin.”

      My brother once had a long-term girlfriend who was Taiwanese. She once asked him whether he is really happy that he is black. This is just one of the many racially idiotic things she said (and in this case, she was actually a nice person). She couldn’t understand what was wrong with her saying things like that, because it is so ingrained in them. Funnily enough, all the racist things that his various non-black gfs have said hasn’t turned the silly boy off dating them, yet it is bw who are the problem as far as he is concerned (at least, since I last paid any attention to the things he says, which I haven’t in over two years).

      I have read comments from online affirmative action debates where American-born Asians are front and center, making statements about the supposed inferiority of African-Americans and Hispanics. They seem to believe since their group has the highest SAT average that they should be lord and master over everyone. An argument that is often made during these debates is that if affirmative action didn’t exist and admissions were based entirely on “merit” then the majority of medical schools, law schools, ivy league colleges, etc. would consist almost entirely of Asians without a black or brown person in site. One poster even made the argument that by letting “unqualified” African-Americans into medical schools that the medical establishment was risking the lives of patients.

      I know it’s not a popular thing to say, but is that sentiment untrue? Really? My own personal position is that if you weren’t good enough to get in, then accept that it wasn’t meant to be. No one is entitled to a university education, especially if they didn’t make the grade. I am certainly, 100% against anyone being able to use affirmative action (be it due to gender, which mostly benefits ww, race, class, because they are a veteran, because they are from a rural area, etc – it is all aff action, but white folks only call it that when applied to race), to gain entrance into any Ivy League institution, <under any circumstance whatsoever. By all means, get a college education, but to think that one should be able to gain a spot at an Ivy League school when they didn’t earn or deserve it, and when they were notgood enough, is the height of entitlement.

      Something that is not mentioned in such discussions is that there is a high proportion of these aff action students who win a place on tough degree programmes, but early on, switch their majors to ‘softer’ subjects, because when it came down to it, they could not hack it. I would rather these spaces on these highly competitive courses (usually STEM, Medicine, Law, etc), go to those who would be able to handle it academically.

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    • Neecy
      Nov 26, 2014 @ 17:15:42

      APA SAID:
      Once again, the main issue is that the black (mis)leadership doesn’t have any interest in ensuring the well-being of its citizens. They are only concerned with laundering money and financing their extravagant lifestyles. However, I believe that this time that they’ve shot themselves in the foot because from what I understand some of these business deals involve handing over control of oil wells to the Chinese.

      HA! SO TRUE. And Black leaders like Mobuto have been doing this at the peril of its own people and country for CENTURIES. That is why with all the great resources Africa has, its still hosts some of the poorest NATIVES. Its disgusting how often Black male leaders of Africa have sold out thier people and country for thier own personal greed and gain.

      Africa and Africans should be the wealthiest nation and peoples on EARTH!

      The CONGO – its ABSURD how badly this rich in natural resources place has been exploited because Black leaders have allowed exploitation for European countries and nations. I cannot even LISt the number of natural resources that we use daily that comes from the Congo. There is one mineral in particular that is used in cell phones and laptops and computers as well as other electronics.Its called Coltan. Then there’s the many other minerals like diamonds, titanium, RUBBER etc.

      And people of the Congo are living the poorest anywhere in the world. not only that, Black men have allowed themseves to be bought out by Corrupt greedy European leaders who supply guns and arms to them to be militants to make sure that they control the flow of natural resources to these Euro nations.

      Its sickening.

      But like I said – to whom much is given much is expected. God blessed the Black male and woman with a continenst full of natural rich resources that every other nations could only dream of having NATURALLY. If Africans cannot handle and control their continents natural resources and use that for the gain of their own people and land, they do not deserve it, and deserve to be exploited IMO. The ONLY reason Africa is where it is, is because since the beginning of time, the Black man has SOLD IT OUT for crumbs to Europeans and now the Chinese.

      And better believe this ebola nonsesne was implanted in West Africa so that they Euro nations like USA and others can come in and eventually take control by depopulating the areas in west Africa where the Chinese are gaining ground.

      in the battle for Africas resources the only people who lose are the inhabitants and natives due to the GREED of other nations who are looking out for htier own best interests and the GREED of Black african leaders who only see fit to line thier individual pockets while selling thier land and people to the highest bidders.

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  16. Evia
    Nov 25, 2014 @ 21:09:06

    @Jalilimaster re:

    I know it’s not a popular thing to say, but is that sentiment untrue? Really? My own personal position is that if you weren’t good enough to get in, then accept that it wasn’t meant to be. No one is entitled . . .

    You’re talking about an IDEAL but the perks of the system are not awarded on the basis of ideals. If only they were!

    In a fair world or system, I agree that people shouldn’t get what they haven’t earned, but don’t believe the hype. How many people with the bulk of the goodies in this country or anywhere else have actually earned them or are actually “qualified” or “deserve” to have them? For hundreds of years and STILL NOW, the overwhelming most and best slots at ivy league institutions went to and largely still go to unqualified white males or whites, in general, since the system is structured from Day 1 to make it much easier for whites to get those slots. That is, unless you believe that a person is qualified BECAUSE they’re white. It would be great if an exposee were done about this. It would probably shock some people to the core to find out the proportion of ivy league slots that go to children or relatives of alumni (George Bush and his buddies) or others who know somebody who know somebody and others who knew how to work the system. They’re not more academically able or “good enough” to get in on their own merit; it usually means they have access to better information or better networks/connections. This is the same as the way many top level jobs are filled everyday by people who know somebody who know somebody. You may actually be much more qualified for the job, but you will never get it because you’re not in the “good ole boys and girls network’. My youngest son went to school with upper-income preppy whites. This system is a piece of cake for them because their daddy, grandad, greatgrandad , etc. created the system for them. That’s affirmative action! So, they get what they want–whether they’re qualified or good enough or not! On the other hand, In 2014, I go into offices sometimes and no one in the whole office is of color. I don’t believe at all that all of the folks of color in the whole area are unqualified.

    Affirmative action was created to force employers to hire black people or people of color who are sufficiently qualified or who are just as qualified as whites and to enable black people specifically to enter workplaces to get the same/similar work experience that whites are invited to get. Being that I PAY JUST AS MUCH IN TAXES to support those businesses and universities as my white neighbors do, I want my children and other black children to have equal access to the same slots that white students like George W Bush (who barely made it through his ivy league school) get. There are a LOT of upper-income whites like George Bush who make decisions about practically every aspect of our lives and they’re NOT qualified to do so.

    But few people of color would dare question whether they’re good enough to be in their positions or have their university slot since they’re white. Instead, folks spend their time trying to figure out whether black Americans deserve their jobs or university slots. SMH

    I don’t believe that blacks gain anything by whining or blaming others, but we shouldn’t ever become blind either.

    So many people have been indoctrinated to be on the lookout for “all of those UNQUALIFIED black Americans” (lol) who get into medical or law school or graduate from those schools, etc. but never even begin to think that the white or Chinese doctor or Jewish lawyer may have barely made it out of school due to being dumb or unqualified for other reasons. I’ve known of foreign students who bribed or slept with professors to get good grades. LOL! This is NOT uncommon. This is standard operating procedure at certain levels.

    Also, there is more involved in success in any area of life than sheer academics. Not putting anyone down, but I’ve had college professors in the area of math and finance who had NO people relation skills. And I’ve gone to immigrant Asian and Indian doctors who do not understand what I’m telling them when I explain my symptoms. They are unable to relate to me on various levels. Some of them may have made all As in school but their communication and human relation skills are poor. I’ve left their office doubting they’ve given me good treatment.

    Having said this, my Gyn and GP are both black American women. My ophthalmologist is a black American man. I’ve had these 3 doctors for about 15 years. I have doctors or other races and ethnicities also, and I chose and stick with all of them on the basis of their proficiency and human relations skills.

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    • DiraD
      Nov 25, 2014 @ 21:17:44

      @Evia

      I love you for this. You articulated my feelings better than I ever could!

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    • neurochick
      Nov 26, 2014 @ 06:32:17

      @Evia:

      Thank you for your post.

      If you get rid of affirmative action, then you have to get rid of legacy too.

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    • JaliliMaster
      Nov 26, 2014 @ 08:36:09

      For hundreds of years and STILL NOW, the overwhelming most and best slots at ivy league institutions went to and largely still go to unqualified white males or whites, in general, since the system is structured from Day 1 to make it much easier for whites to get those slots. That is, unless you believe that a person is qualified BECAUSE they’re white. It would be great if an exposee were done about this. It would probably shock some people to the core to find out the proportion of ivy league slots that go to children or relatives of alumni (George Bush and his buddies) or others who know somebody who know somebody and others who knew how to work the system. They’re not more academically able or “good enough” to get in on their own merit; it usually means they have access to better information or better networks/connections.

      That’s one reason I am always a bit iffy about the ‘legacy’ aspect of college admissions. Even though I know it was really about ensuring that the offspring of the white elite could still have a legal leg-up when applying for these Ivy League places, I know that there are other black folks whose parents also went Ivy that could benefit from a ‘legacy’ box-tick. I find it silly when I hear some black person say how they refused to tick the ‘race’ box when applying for something, as they wanted to get in based on merit, and not because of their race. They are being foolish, as they are ignoring all of the ways that others get a leg-up.

      Affirmative action was created to force employers to hire black people or people of color who are sufficiently qualified or who are just as qualified as whites and to enable black people specifically to enter workplaces to get the same/similar work experience that whites are invited to get.

      Please don’t misunderstand my comment. It wasn’t against affirmative action per se, it was more in the sense that (1) if they are going to abolish it (which I’m not against), then it should apply through the board, i.e no ifs no buts. Let it be completely merit based, so no race, gender, legacy, because your parents donated money to build some new library etc. But that is never going to happen because the dominant whites will never act against their own interests, at least not knowingly; (2) if the issue is really a lack of opportunities and quality education for black folks, then it should be the black students who would have excelled otherwise (i.e., if they had gone to a better performing school). I don’t buy that someone would have been amongst the middle, average students in a lower performing school, but would have been an A+ student if they were put in a school where most of the students performed highly. I think it should be the high and above average performing students from the lower performing schools that should be given the opportunities or extra leg-up, rather than it being wasted (in my opinion), on just the average students. Every parent likes to think that their child is a genius, but most aren’t. There are many students that would excel if given the chance. Why waste the few extra opportunities available on those that would just be average or below average irrespective of what situation they are in?

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    • Neecy
      Nov 26, 2014 @ 17:35:58

      EVIA,

      I was also one of those people on the fence about Affirmative Action. But then you said something that just put it all in perspective. Affirmative Actions happens daily for the privledged. its just called by a different name – LEGACY, NEPOTISM, LINKEDIN (lol) and White skin privledge (for being apart of the dominant culture and race) in general. THAT is their affrimative Action. And like you said, its used quite often with NO PUSHBACK whatsoever by the masses because it is expected that the privledged stay privledged.

      But The same kinds of perks given to minorities its a problem?

      Notice how NO ONE ever talks openly about how Affirmative Action actually helps more WHITE WOMEN than any other group. White women are not going to broadcast this and will remain quiet while Blacks take the heat for Affirmative Action.

      Now that WW are in positions of power in many areas in the workforce, they don’t need Aff Act anymore and will jump on the bandwagon of removing it.

      Frankly, the only good thing that come come from the removal of Aff Act is black people will either sink or swim. I hope the latter. It will FORCE African Americans to start looking for ways to own thier own businesses and employ themselves and others like them to survive. I’m not so sure that many African Americans are mentally prepared to even do such a hting, bevause if so it wouldhave been done decades ago.

      This is why its important for BW to get while the getting is good. As this society becomes increasingly racist and protective of positions that will be given to their own kind and people they know and by referrals from friends and family and other Non Black collegues – Blacks will continue to be pushed out.

      When the economy gets bad, it gets worse for Blacks.

      I know myself and other Black women who have experienced BLATANT dismissal of positions once they figure out your race.

      This is why I do not participate in linked in. Although i have been at my position for 6 years. If I ever had to look for another position before I struck out on my own, I would NEVER use linked in. That is just another sneaky way that people can remove Blacks from the hiring pool.

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      • IvyJain
        Nov 30, 2014 @ 12:13:08

        I am on linked in and get a lot of messages from job recruiter. However, one thing I have always done is to NOT post a picture. I am paranoid about being able to be linked to my Facebook profile, etc. My name is a relatively common one so unless you know enough identifying information it’s hard to find my picture/correct profile.

        What you wrote just confirmed for me that I am doing the right thing! I will continue to refrain from posting a profile picture. Thanks!

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    • lunanoire
      Nov 28, 2014 @ 13:37:02

      I agree with Evia’s message.

      At my job, it is well known that a particular individual was a hair away from firing, when a supervisor discouraged it, saving the employee. I don’t think there was a direct worker-supervisor relationship between the 2 of them, but they are of the same religion.

      There are far too many unqualified recipients of Affirmative Action, but people only focus on the black ones. If AA helps AABW obtain an education, network with movers and shakers, obtain a great job and find a great spouse, then I’m for it 100%.

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  17. FoxyCleopatra
    Nov 25, 2014 @ 22:56:15

    Black people in America celebrating the rise of China are being short sighted and to be honest, rather foolish. They do not know what is in store for them when the Chinese finally take over……..and rest assured, they will.

    As for those foolish Africans, I don’t even know where to begin. How many times must the same thing happen to you before you learn to take precaution? Arabs, Europeans etc have come in and plundered the place. They used force and subterfuge. Now with the Chinese, those African fool leaders are just handing it over on a plate. China is basically buying up oil wells, mines, resource-rich land and these governments are not thinking to put anything in place to protect their countries future. It beggars belief. When I talk with my dad, and he tells me some of the things going on behind closed doors, and how Africa’s future is being sold down the river by some self-serving thieving politicians, it just makes me wonder if there is actually any hope.

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    • Neecy
      Nov 26, 2014 @ 17:44:08

      @ FOXY

      Girl its just sad how Blacks in Africa CONTINUE to handover their wealthy rich in resource nations to everyone for WHAT? NADA! They do not deserve it if they cannot use it to thier own benefits.

      God gave Black people the RICHEST, WEALTHIEST NATION/CONTINENT on earth by filling her up with so many natural rich resources. Its SAD and pathetic what the Black male “leaders” and Black men have done to tat nation in terms of allowing it to be explouted for everey other races nad nations gain.

      How can anyone respect the Black race when seeing this?? I mean its like we hold up a sign on our foreheads saying FOOLS.

      Most Africans in the very places these rescources are being exploited live well below the poverty line. These other nations like Europe and China do not even PRETEND to give a damn about the natives! If they did, they would actually make sure that for all the resources they STEAL, they’d make sure the inhabitants would benefit. But that goes back to that whole thing that Black people have never seemed to get: LOOKING OUT FOR SELF.

      And better believe these nations are taking Africa by any means necessary. even if that means biological warfare (i.e AIDS, EBOLA) to increasingly depopulate these areas of the natives so they can make thier final move to take over.

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  18. APA
    Nov 26, 2014 @ 00:52:35

    Evia,

    Thank you for your response. You explained the mentality behind a lot of the comments made by non-black groups when it comes to black people and affirmative action. Most of the talk about “merit” is just a PC way for non-blacks to say that black people are inferior. The “unqualified” black physicians the posters were referring to have successfully completed residency, passed their boards, and have been practicing for years. Yet, some non-black medical students, who haven’t completed residency and haven’t obtained their licenses, felt comfortable disparaging an entire group of doctors based on their race, which is crazy since most of the kids on that message board have probably never seen or been treated by a black physician.

    Like you, I don’t believe in whining or complaining, and I make a point not to get into these debates with classmates or online with strangers because these conversations IMO are a waste of time. However, I do believe it is important to observe and be aware that there are individuals who may resent or even hate the fact that you are working along side them because they erroneously believe that you’ve stolen a spot from one of their own.

    JaliliMaster:
    My purpose of my post wasn’t to support affirmative action, but to provide some examples of the anti-black sentiment that some Asian ethnic groups have. Some, like your brother’s ex-girlfriend, feel like blacks are inherently inferior, so when they are not coming from a place of good will when make statements about the “merit” of black students in these affirmative action debates. Although like Evia, I couldn’t care less about the fairness of affirmative action because other groups get special treatment, and no one is serious about dismantling their privileges. It’s only when blacks have some sort of privilege that some non-blacks become interested in “fairness” and “merit.” These online debates are examples of what some of our future physicians think about minorities. Yet, some people are still confused about why the medical establishment repeatedly fails at providing adequate care to minorities.

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    • JaliliMaster
      Nov 26, 2014 @ 07:32:03

      Although like Evia, I couldn’t care less about the fairness of affirmative action because other groups get special treatment, and no one is serious about dismantling their privileges. It’s only when blacks have some sort of privilege that some non-blacks become interested in “fairness” and “merit.”

      I don’t believe that affirmative action is ‘fair’, but for reasons very different to most others (then again, the world isn’t fair). Let us not kid ourselves, white folks do not, have never, and will never set up any system, programme, etc to benefit others and will be detrimental to themselves. Black folks keep thinking that it was about helping blacks get spots at universities, jobs, etc, but a good chunk of those who benefit from it are white females (particularly when it comes to employment). Notice how the most virulent talk of anti-affirmative action became far more muted in college campuses in California when they tried to make it almost completely academics based, and white folks realised it wasn’t in their interest (because it was predominantly Asians who were taking all the places). I saw how many black folks were gnashing their teeth a few months ago when, I think it was in Michigan, that considering race when looking at school applications was no longer allowed. They were accusing their fellow white residents (who had overwhelmingly voted in favour of abolishing it) of being ‘racist’ and ‘heartless’ and ‘unfair’, as if these words and their tears were meant to somehow reverse it. Yet these folks (whites) didn’t feel the need to disallow giving a leg up to ex-service people (even though, as far as I’m aware, there is no discrimination that those who serve in the army get in terms of quality and access to education), or those from rural areas, etc, because they know that most of those that this applies to are white. If it is okay to give affirmative action admission to those from rural areas due to the lower quality of education, why can’t the same be applied to those from the inner cities? Of course, we know to which group that applies.

      The problem is that black people are still refusing to accept that right now, you are still living within a system where others can set things up in a way that benefits them and is detrimental to you. I have said it before that the best way to work around this is to ensure that you cannot be singled out and isolated for targeted actions. That is to say, that you should ensure that they cannot vote for something for you that does not affect them (part of the reason that the schools in many predominantly Black and low-income areas are so dreadful is due to the lower taxes, i.e property taxes etc, paid in that area, and people are able to vote for lower public spending for certain things and in certain areas, that is always targeted at minorities). Part of the reason many of these folks don’t want minorities living in their neighbourhoods is not just due to the claims they make of supposed decreases in property values, wanting to live exclusively amongst those like yourself, etc. Even some of the most unassuming whites still know of the various structures that are in place for their benefit (hence the reason why, unfailingly, when it comes down to it, they are always able to vote in line with their interests, even when said interests wasn’t explicitly mentioned to them).

      In Texas, during GWB tenure as governor (and in some other, mostly Republican states), they put in place this measure where the top 5% performing students from each graduating year, in each school, was entitled to a place at the any state university within the state (I think it was also dependent on their SAT scores). Many white (mostly conservative) folks cheered it on, saying that it was a ‘fair’ affirmative action, as bright students from poorer backgrounds would get the chance to attend a good school and not be hampered by their socio-economic status. Obviously, in their racial arrogance, they just assumed that it would be the white students at all these schools that would be the best performing. When that didn’t turn out to be the case, and the proportion of black students admitted to these colleges shot up sharply, these same folks now started saying the system was unfair, as it means that a student could perform ‘poorly’, but because they performed better than most others in their school graduating year, they then get a prized place at one of the top state universities, while another student who performed better, but was a more average student compared to others in their particular high school would be denied. So you can see how, for the most part, when white folks are determining what is ‘fair’ and what constitutes ‘merit’, it is based, predominatly, and which definition/interpretation they think would best suit them. And for the record, I think that that programme (giving automatic admission to the best performing 5% in each school in the state), is a great and certainly a very ‘fair’ idea. It is something that I think that black folks should be championing, as they can play into certain people’s false sense of racial superiority and get something that actually works to their benefit, without ever having to make it ‘racial’, and hence, give others a clue that they might not be the ones benefitting from it.

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      • Evia
        Nov 26, 2014 @ 10:37:55

        Notice how the most virulent talk of anti-affirmative action became far more muted in college campuses in California when they tried to make it almost completely academics based, and white folks realised it wasn’t in their interest (because it was predominantly Asians who were taking all the places).

        We should ALL learn to evaluate things on a situational basis and ALL BWE readers should have learned to put this into practice on a routine basis. If a person, place, or thing doesn’t benefit you, it is of NO VALUE to you–no matter what connection it has or had to you in the past or present and no matter how much it’s praised by others. This applies to everything or EVERYBODY in your life. You should be deriving ongoing and on-par or at least almost-par benefit from it or you should minimize it or drop it.

        For ex, bw who believe in racial solidarity before ALL else obviously don’t understand this concept. They love and support bm to the max, the bulk of whom have become bw’s worst nightmare or are of no value or minimal value to them. However, IF a bm or ANY man is of value to you, doing things for you, or you know he’ll do things for you, you SHOULD support him.

        This is a rough rule of thumb but the only reason you should support someone is because the person is supporting you or there’s a reasonable expectation based on FACTS that the person will support you or your interests. The overwhelming most of us cannot afford to do differently. So, it’s a waste of time and shows utter naivete to view anyone as evil or selfish when they support their own interests.

        Operating like computerized zombies, bw can be counted on to take stances in racial situations even when they derive no on-par or even almost on-par benefit or the side they take is totally ANTI their interests (on the front lines protesting and rioting like shemales, etc.).

        For ex., I used to faithfully contribute to the UNCF (United Negro College Fund), but I haven’t in over 2 decades because I know now that according to the laws of probability, that the bulk of my money is most likely going to fund black students who oppose my interests–probably black women who are bm-identified who will end up doing things that oppose my interests. I would rather contribute individually to certain black female students, which I do.

        I recall that when I attended the predominantly black church here, the bm minister praised a young bm who was headed to the local community college that fall. He called the young man up front and said great things about him and everyone beamed. The hat was passed and the minister urged us all to throw in money to pay for his books and other school supplies, and most of us threw in cash or wrote out checks. Well, at the end of the service, the young man walked out of the church holding hands with his non-black girlfriend and about $1200. The young bw in the congregation sat there looking, knowing that their chances of getting a college-bound boyfriend was virtually non-existent. If my granddaughter had been sitting there, she would have felt the same way. But, we bw operated like zombies. We SHOULD have not been so fast to contribute–without knowing more about this young man.

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        • JaliliMaster
          Nov 26, 2014 @ 12:07:04

          This is a rough rule of thumb but the only reason you should support someone is because the person is supporting you or there’s a reasonable expectation based on FACTS that the person will support you or your interests. The overwhelming most of us cannot afford to do differently. So, it’s a waste of time and shows utter naivete to view anyone as evil or selfish when they support their own interests.

          Black folks like to complain whenever others don’t support this programme or that initiative that is supposed to help them. As if other groups have ever done anything out of the goodness of their hearts. They act because it is in their interests. Another thing that Black folks do that is very counter-productive is that they always feel this need to announce that they have ‘arrived’. Whenever there is a first black anything in any organisation, they will shout it from the rooftops, not realising that they are putting a target on their backs. Or they feel the need to let everybody know that theirs is the only black-owned business operating in a particular sector or area etc. Beyond the usual pitfalls that Black business owners face from both blacks and others (something the blogger Khadija discussed extensively on her blog), what they are also doing is letting everyone, including their potential competitors, know that they are pretty much ‘alone’. So while everyone else is trying to make their business a success and grow it, the black business owner is overtly focused on being a successful ‘black business. And they almost always fail in the end.

          With regards to supporting interests that are in-line with yours, not to play the victim here, but this is one instance where I don’t think it can be 100% put on black people’s shoulders. The fact is that the system has been set up in such a way that it would benefit most members of one group, i.e. whites (that is just a fact), and not benefit most members of other groups. Many of us made the mistake of thinking that the solution was to fight white hegemony, and they’ve been fighting, and fighting, and fighting, and figh……….., well, you get my point. Instead of looking for ways to dismantle the system, look for ways to excel and thrive within said system. And as was the original point of this blog post, when you have figured out various ways to make the system work for you, don’t go announcing it to everyone else, even other black folks . It is not just to avoid saboteurs within the group, there are those from outside who will do everything in their power to ensure that things don’t work out for you. I have seen situations where white colleagues and subordinates would intentionally mess things up on a project when you are the one running it. It does not benefit them as it makes them look bad, but as you are the head/point person/project manager, ultimately, you are the one that looks incompetent and unable to run things. The end result is that the higher ups or the clients, subconsciously, attributes your poor performance to race, and eventually, you are replaced with a white individual. All of sudden, those same white employees that couldn’t wipe their bums without you holding their hand are able to figure out how to get the job done properly. Do not underestimate how ingrained it is in some peoples’ psyche of who is or isn’t allowed to lead them. Some people just cannot fathom the idea of being led by a non-white (particularly black) face. I am quite thankful that in my line of work, a lot of our business is international/overseas (in many non-white countries as well), and those folks, more than anything else, care about who will make them money. I make a point, in every situation I can, to be the one that forms a personal relationship with each client, and with others within each clients organisation so that (1) if anything funny is going on, I hear about it ‘through the grapevine’ before it comes to a head, AND, (2), I ensure that the saboteurs are the ones that end up being the fall guy should things really go wrong. Obviously, I don’t let them know that I’ve figured it out, but I start putting plans in place, to make sure none of it comes back on me. Devious, maybe, but in my industry, if you walk around thinking that as long as you play nice everything will be fine, you will get an unpleasant surprise!

          I am a member in quite a few networks. One of them is this Women in STEM, Women in business type group. It is predominantly white. I am not kidding myself, I know that when it comes down to it, even within this large group, there are closer networks that exist. Others are more than willing to use their similarities (racial, ethnic etc), to their benefit, so why shouldn’t you. I was once part of a group bidding for a contract . One of the executives from the company saw my name and when he found out that I was Nigerian, asked me whether I knew a particular individual (who turned out to be my father), as our surname is not common in that country (I don’t know of anyone who is also from that country and answers our surname that is not a relative). I was unsure what to say, as just in case there was a negative relationship there, I wanted to avoid any inherited ‘beef’. Of course, as it turns out their organisation wanted something (business-wise) and wanted my fathers help to get things done. Next thing I knew, the company wanted me to handle any part of the contract that involved dealing with the clients. They didn’t know the real reason that particular company was so sweet on me. I wasn’t going to tell them, and I let them believe that it was due to some great job that I had done. Folks only start complaining about people using their connections when they are not in a position to do so themselves. I remember during university, out of all the students from several different Colleges who had interned in a particular multi-national oil & gas company, only one of them (he was a wm) was offered a permanent lucrative job for when they graduated. This particular boy was in my group for our final year project. I knew the REAL reason he had gotten it (he was certainly a bright student, but by no means the best. Another girl in our class, also white, who had consistently scored in the top three students each year and also interned for this same company at the same time was not offered a permanent job), was due to his father, who works in Oil & Gas in Saudi Arabia. What many didn’t know was that this company was most likely not going to take in anyone from that years crop of interns (this was just after the recession, so companies were not hiring as much). The guy (who was a good friend of mine, so I’m not downing him) was really given the job as a favour. Quite a few others who were on the course were convinced that he must have done such a good job, because in their typical middle-class manner, the idea that they aren’t the be-all-and-end all, and that the system works better for someone else, was just too hard for them to fathom. Funnily enough, it was mainly the non-white (Indian and Eastern Asian) students in the class who knew exactly what was up.

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  19. Evia
    Nov 26, 2014 @ 07:15:25

    Jalilimaster, I hope I didn’t misinterpret you or take your comments out of context, but I’ve heard and read similar sentiments expressed by folks who are clearly anti-black American, so in case some of them are reading this, I’m just laying it out.

    I do think there is room for criticism about any group, and I do my share of criticizing my ethnic group. I also try to give credit where it’s due. Often black-Americans receive unwarranted criticism in areas that are beyond their control. We can control our weight; we can control OOW pregnancies; we can control how we spend our money. We can make much better use of our free time. We can and must demand reciprocity or nothing. We can stop blabbing. We can vet men well. We can stop being naive. We can go to school and engage in ongoing learning to improve our lives in various ways. We can raise our children well; we can declare zero-tolerance on the excuse-making that surrounds blacks committing crimes and filling up jail cells. Black American women could overwhelmingly marry suitable men and from all groups. We could set up, patronize, and maintain successful black American-owned businesses. We actually COULD do and control those things IF we vowed to practice the correct mentality. But we can’t control the American job market and we can’t control access we deserve to university slots and other structural perks. My thing is that since other groups get a whole lot via affirmative action (by whatever name), then it stinks to the max that some folks dig, scratch, peck, and use their highest powered microscopes when it comes to black Americans getting access to perks to anything through affirmative action. We do deserve these perks BECAUSE many of us have invested our assets of all types in this country, and it’s normal to expect a return on investments.

    After all, we pay taxes and put money into this economy too. AND among other things, there’s a WAY disproportionate number of blacks who put their lives on the line everyday in the armed forces to protect the good citizens of this country who are intolerant of many of us.

    But that armed forces scam is a whole other story or another day. Whew!

    The fact is that if not for good-hearted but stupid blacks Americans who are generous to the point of being genocidal, Africans and other groups (including ww and gay people) wouldn’t be riding the wave of success they experience in this country. Other groups should really remember that it’s home-grown blacks who break down the doors and take the blows, shots, and absorb the hatred from racist or intolerant whites and now, racist/intolerant Asians and others. Since human beings are insecure and fearful, they usually have to always have someone to look down on and devalue and when they have power, they use it to oppress those they devalue.

    My Nigerian ex-husband is one of those true alpha African men. You know the type. Lol He’s a nice man, but when he talks, other men defer to him. He often talked to other Africans about how so many Nigerians and other Africans come to America and think they achieve what they do here because they’re simply “brilliant.” LOL He would point out to them that they need to go home and practice all of that brilliance. He would tell them they are so lucky that they can step on the backs of black Americans to get “up there” in this country. He would point out to them that if they woke up one morning and all black Americans had disappeared, then racist/intolerant whites (being the dominant powerful group) would choose Africans and Caribbean folks (no matter how many degrees they have) as the next groups to kick around and step on. After those Africans and other black groups, next would come the whiter Hispanics and then Asians.

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    • JaliliMaster
      Nov 26, 2014 @ 08:18:11

      But that armed forces scam is a whole other story or another day. Whew!

      Another un-pc comment coming: I am baffled (and a bit irritated) with the sheer and disproportionate number of Blacks that serve in the military. Particularly the number of black women that are in the military. I’m not going to go deeply into this, but nothing on this earth would ever make me risk my life for a country (and let’s be real here, it’s more for politicians egos’ and corporate financial interests than patriotism) that has done to black folks what it has, and is still doing. I would rather be the one who is benefitting financially from it, than the one risking life and limbs for it. Call me heartless, but that is just my position. It is worth noting that the ‘elite’ never send their own children into war. Patriotism or not, there is nothing on this earth that would ever make me, particularly in this day and age, with the calibre of politicians these days, go anywhere near a battlefield, put on any military uniform etc.

      My Nigerian ex-husband is one of those true alpha African men. You know the type. Lol He’s a nice man, but when he talks, other men defer to him. He often talked to other Africans about how so many Nigerians and other Africans come to America and think they achieve what they do here because they’re simply “brilliant.” LOL He would point out to them that they need to go home and practice all of that brilliance. He would tell them they are so lucky that they can step on the backs of black Americans to get “up there” in this country. He would point out to them that if they woke up one morning and all black Americans had disappeared, then racist/intolerant whites (being the dominant powerful group) would choose Africans and Caribbean folks (no matter how many degrees they have) as the next groups to kick around and step on. After those Africans and other black groups, next would come the whiter Hispanics and then Asians.

      I agree with this comment, except the part in bold. They will kick other groups down, except the Asians. Those folks would no longer allow it. There are still many whites out there who think that maybe, somehow, things would change and Asia (or specifically, China), would fall and America (and the West) would rise again. Not going to happen. They (the Asians) have been making moves for a LONG time. It only seems recent (within the past decade and a half) because it only just became so obvious. The things happening now are due to many moves that were made years and years ago.

      What many whites don’t know is that the Chinese don’t like them. They don’t like Black folks either, but that is due mostly to racial prejudice, and the way they have seen Blacks treated in the West (and the way Black folks have responded to such treatment), and in their minds, it creates a sense of lack of respect for Blacks. It’s not nice, or fair, or whatever, but that is how they view Black folks.

      Barely ten years ago, a white male could go to Hong Kong, speak only English, and be able to conduct business successfully (within an already established organisation). Today, he would need to learn the language, Mandarin or Putonghua, if he wants to get anywhere. In the late 90’s/early 0’s, many companies (mostly in banking and finance and manufacturing), would send their employees (executives) to China to manage the growing branch there. In their arrogance, they assumed that their white privilege would extend there (and in a way it did) and last forever. These days, these same executives have to learn the language as sometimes, the Chinese insist on conducting business in their own language, bringing along a translator even though the people you are negotiating a contract with speak English, etc. Until recently, it was very difficult conducting any real business in China, as the way the laws are set up, there are so many hoops one has to jump through (I’m speaking from experience here), that it was far more beneficial to get into a joint contract with a local Chinese business, so that it would seem to the Chinese that it was them that owned it. In a way, it has been somewhat of a detriment to the whites who arrived there recently (within the past seven years), because they find that they were not in as much demand as they were led to believe (quite a few who left the West for China in the hopes of getting a high-paying job ended up lecturing in local universities). They are not interested in anybody, white or otherwise, turning up and trying to run things. Almost all of the banking/financial firms I know of in China that are still White-owned are old-style firms, pretty much in line with the usual old money set. They have been there for decades, know the local environment, have the necessary connections etc. When people are assessing the actions of white folks, they need to differentiate between your normal, everyday white person (that includes your working-class average Joe to the comfortable middle-class, well educated white folks), from the well-connected ‘elite’ set. What the middle-class whites discover and start doing to give themselves and advantage, the elites have been doing for even longer, but never made noise about it. They could see the writing on the wall about China, and rather than moan about it, like most Westerners do these days, they positioned themselves in such a way that they could benefit from it. Now they put institutions and organisations in place that are now so entrenched, that the Chinese economy needs them to survive. It reminds me of this saying “that ignore what everyone else is doing or where everyone else is going; look for the old white men in suits. Whatever their doing is what you should be doing”.

      Many of these ‘American-owned’ companies are actually foreign owned (particularly with large stakes owned by Chinese and Arab entities). Black folks have the mindset that it is still whites oppressing everybody else. In actual fact, there are various shades of boots on their necks, from white to yellow to brown/tan (Arab not Latino).

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    • Neecy
      Nov 26, 2014 @ 17:49:33

      EVIA SAID:
      The fact is that if not for good-hearted but stupid blacks Americans who are generous to the point of being genocidal, Africans and other groups (including ww and gay people) wouldn’t be riding the wave of success they experience in this country.

      AND THERE IT IS!

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  20. rae
    Nov 26, 2014 @ 08:19:53

    I’ve noticed Asian people’s racism myself. It truly is scary how anti-black they are, while being white supremacists. They’re worst than white people in my experience.

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  21. Evia
    Nov 26, 2014 @ 08:20:47

    @Foxy Cleopatra, re:

    Black people in America celebrating the rise of China are being short sighted and to be honest, rather foolish. They do not know what is in store for them when the Chinese finally take over……..and rest assured, they will.

    As for those foolish Africans, I don’t even know where to begin. How many times must the same thing happen to you before you learn to take precaution? Arabs, Europeans etc have come in and plundered the place. They used force and subterfuge. Now with the Chinese, those African fool leaders are just handing it over on a plate. China is . . .

    So true! After all, the Chinese have a billion people to feed. Soon, blacks will be blaming “de evil Chinese” for not being “fair” to them.

    Yeah, blacks don’t seem to ever learn. This is why some other groups think blacks are mentally/intellectually inferior. Over the decades of my life, I’ve met and mingled with various calibers of blacks, mainly black American and Africans in the middle to upper income levels. So of course, I’ve met some who have established themselves as unquestionably brilliant or savvy by anyone’s definition. However, I think that many very savvy blacks suffer from insecurity, SUPREME naivete, and cowardice. Cowardice/fear is the chief weakness–because it prevents even the smartest blacks from making the wisest moves. Cowardice causes them to delude themselves into being complacent or to practice supreme naivete and see life through rose-colored lens or be magical thinkers.

    For ex., when black Americans keep talking about what other folks are supposed to do or not supposed to do to be fair to them, this is SUPREME naivete! It’s nauseating to read where bw are talking about how ww are not defending or supporting them in this or that way. Geez! It’s just laughable to me when I read where blacks use various incidents to try to prove that we don’t live in post-racial America. Duh! That is such supreme naivete and makes those blacks seem retarded. It’s supreme naivete to expect people to treat you well simply because you treat them well. It’s supreme naivete for blacks to believe in the hype of Mom, apple pie, working hard, and the American dream and if they’re nice people, they will get these things. LOL! It’s naivete to believe that the American constitution will apply to them simply because they’re Americans. After all, even whites know that their constitutional rights are not guaranteed if they don’t use FORCE (guns) to insure they keep their rights. But black Americans tend to cowardly and magically think that if they’re just nice people, they’ll get what someone has told them they should get. SMH This is simply childish.

    But insecurity which feeds their constant need for ego stroking is what causes so many African leaders or “big men” (Oba) as well as rich, influential black American men (past and present) from doing what’s needed to uplift their groups. They sell out their peoples financial and political interests because they need the money to buy people and things to constantly stroke their egos.

    I’ve mingled with enough high-positioned and wealthy Africans to see how they use their often ill-gotten money to show off in order to get their egos stroked. They LOVE to do that. They know that if they don’t buy glittery things and show off, well *gasp* most people would consider them to be “nobodies.” They can’t stand that. LOL! It’s the same for rich black American men. The big houses, the numerous luxury cars, the whiter women, etc. that these men collect are all for the purpose of trying to prove to men in other groups that they’re not defeated and conquered nobodies. Instead of actually deciding and taking actions to organize to NOT be defeated and conquered, black men worldwide are likely to do practically anything to create illusions that they’re not defeated and conquered. LOL

    However, it’s a waste of time because men in other groups know it’s an illusion. This is why I know that when black women hitch their wagon to the average black man’s, they and their children are not going anywhere. On the other hand, I know some of you may doubt this, but there is a small proportion of black men of various ethnicities who are exceptions and this is why I advise those bw who can vet men well to consider ALL of their options.

    But in line with Neecy’s post, don’t broadcast or blab–just DO what you need to do.

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    • JaliliMaster
      Nov 26, 2014 @ 08:46:59

      I’ve mingled with enough high-positioned and wealthy Africans to see how they use their often ill-gotten money to show off in order to get their egos stroked. They LOVE to do that. They know that if they don’t buy glittery things and show off, well *gasp* most people would consider them to be “nobodies.” They can’t stand that. LOL! It’s the same for rich black American men. The big houses, the numerous luxury cars, the whiter women, etc. that these men collect are all for the purpose of trying to prove to men in other groups that they’re not defeated and conquered nobodies. Instead of actually deciding and taking actions to organize to NOT be defeated and conquered, black men worldwide are likely to do practically anything to create illusions that they’re not defeated and conquered. LOL

      You know, I never noticed this particular similarity until now. It is just more obvious when AA men do it because, well, they are just so blatant with it, but it is an almost identical mindset with the way many successful African men behave as well. As if to say “see, you haven’t conquered me”, but deep down, they know it’s not true. They really are a conquered and defeated collective.

      Even on another note, I have seen the ease with which the Chinese can send their citizens over to several countries in Africa and start businesses, yet the same is not true in the opposite direction. Without suitable connections (and *ahem* bribes), it is almost impossible for a foreigner to conduct a large-scale business operation in China.

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    • FoxyCleopatra
      Nov 27, 2014 @ 20:37:24

      My goodness Evia, your comment is just astute:

      “I’ve mingled with enough high-positioned and wealthy Africans to see how they use their often ill-gotten money to show off in order to get their egos stroked. They LOVE to do that. They know that if they don’t buy glittery things and show off, well *gasp* most people would consider them to be “nobodies.” They can’t stand that. LOL! It’s the same for rich black American men. The big houses, the numerous luxury cars, the whiter women, etc. that these men collect are all for the purpose of trying to prove to men in other groups that they’re not defeated and conquered nobodies. Instead of actually deciding and taking actions to organize to NOT be defeated and conquered, black men worldwide are likely to do practically anything to create illusions that they’re not defeated and conquered. LOL

      A lot of people who meet me wonder why someone with my approach to life doesn’t seem to have much tolerance or time to talk about a lot of the bs goin on in Africa. You have just explained why in a way I just never could. There are black men that are responsible, but for the most part, I believe the bulk are a lost cause. It seems everywhere bm are, they sell they black race for peanuts in their personal pockets. A lot of these African leaders and other successfull one’s, everything they do is for show, to let everyone else know that ‘they have arrived’. They fail to see that they are not earning any ones’s respect.

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  22. rae
    Nov 26, 2014 @ 08:37:32

    “For ex., when black Americans keep talking about what other folks are supposed to do or not supposed to do to be fair to them, this is SUPREME naivete!”

    Evia, you said everything I’ve been thinking which is why I Cannot take many of these black social justice bloggers seriously. It’s the constant naïve mindset and how life should be fair. ESPECIALLY, Black women. Life is not fair. When I tell other bw this they say im classist and call me a self hater. SMH. My mother has made it clear for me to put myself first, do not make the same mistakes she made and to marry well.

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    • JaliliMaster
      Nov 26, 2014 @ 09:55:11

      Evia, you said everything I’ve been thinking which is why I Cannot take many of these black social justice bloggers seriously. It’s the constant naïve mindset and how life should be fair. ESPECIALLY, Black women. Life is not fair. When I tell other bw this they say im classist and call me a self hater. SMH. My mother has made it clear for me to put myself first, do not make the same mistakes she made and to marry well.

      I would strongly advise every black woman reading this to get their minds far away from any notion of ‘social justice’. Please, I beg you, stop wasting your time. Anything that could have been done (in terms of tangibles, like actual laws passed, legislation etc), for the most part, has been done (during the civil rights struggles). The reason why for most black folks things are still the way they are is because they haven’t understood that there is no real advancement without economic advancement. For any group, political, social etc advancement means very little if there is no economic advancement. That is part of the reason the Jews have survived to this day despite how many centuries of being in various places where no one really wanted them around. They recognised that before anything else, it is vital that ‘the group’ can survive economically, and that the loss of the groups presence would be a financial loss to the host community. It is the same reason that the Asians sat back whilst Black folks were still screeching about social justice, even after the CRM, because they knew that if they didn’t secure their economic base, it would be easy for other groups to ‘do them anyhow’. All these little morsels of this benefit here, that social program there, can be taken away in a heartbeat. Now imagine if the white elite one day decided that they wanted to eliminate all Jews and Asians from America. What would happen? Even though these groups are a small percentage of the population, they have inserted themselves into various industries, to the point that they now dominate them, and these sectors would struggle to survive without them.

      It is a shame that with the way so many Black folks think, it would be hard to do anything to advance the group collectively, However, individual Black women can from smaller collectives and networks, where they can use these links to their advantage.

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  23. Evia
    Nov 26, 2014 @ 08:57:52

    @Jalilimaster re:

    Another un-pc comment coming: I am baffled (and a bit irritated) with the sheer and disproportionate number of Blacks that serve in the military. Particularly the number of black women that are in the military. I’m not going to go deeply into this, but nothing on this earth would ever make me risk my life for a country.

    Yes, isn’t it just unbelievable that such a DISPROPORTIONATE number of black American women (my concern, too, is black WOMEN) would go into the military!! Just last week, I was looking at stats that showed where black Americans serve in the military way out of proportion to their numbers in the population. Even if they survive physically, people are usually severely mentally impacted or even destroyed for all practical purposes if they’re even near any military combat, let alone engage in it. My father fought in the war. When he came home, the difference between who he was before and who he was afterwards was like Jekyll and Hyde.

    More bw need to focus on creating opportunities for black WOMEN so they can better avoid all kinds of hell holes..

    I agree with this comment, except the part in bold. They [whites] will kick other groups down, except the Asians.

    LOL. Yep, I agree it would be “ON”–if it came down to ‘survival of the fittest’ between these two groups. LOL! I don’t know enough about Asians to make a bet though on who would come out on top. Probably neither. When people have racial or ethnic pride, you’re in for a LONG, earth-scorching war with them before the dust settles. I believe that people who have racial or ethnic pride would rather see the earth destroyed before they are ruled over by others and both of these groups have the power to nuke the earth.

    Africans were once on top. We just happen to not be living in that period.

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    • JaliliMaster
      Nov 26, 2014 @ 09:30:55

      Yes, isn’t it just unbelievable that such a DISPROPORTIONATE number of black American women (my concern, too, is black WOMEN) would go into the military!! Just last week, I was looking at stats that showed where black Americans serve in the military way out of proportion to their numbers in the population.

      I would note that when the time came for the military to trim their numbers, who were the first targets on their list? …………………… yup, you guessed it, Black women. That’s why they came up with that new ‘hair’ rules and regulations, that would have made it almost nigh on impossible for most black women to stay enlisted. And these are the creatures that black women are signing up to risk their lives for? SMH!

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  24. bubblychie27
    Nov 26, 2014 @ 08:58:23

    Reblogged this on Black Girl With An Attitude and commented:
    This made a ton of sense.

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  25. Evia
    Nov 26, 2014 @ 09:46:18

    @Rae, re

    Evia, you said everything I’ve been thinking which is why I Cannot take many of these black social justice bloggers seriously. It’s the constant naïve mindset and how life should be fair. ESPECIALLY, Black women. Life is not fair. When I tell other bw this they say im classist and call me a self hater. SMH.

    It doesn’t matter what they say or even what I say because life will either teach you OR it will beat you down. I’ve seen this so many times in my life. That’s not me just saying that; that’s the way life is structured. Just look at how life continues to beat down the ‘perpetually surprised’ black American collective. SMH People who don’t learn lessons are guaranteed to repeat them.

    Blacks worldwide are currently in preschool stuck on the same lessons. The reason why other persecuted groups like the Jews have soared is because they learned the vital lessons. Enough pressure in the oyster creates the pearl. Blacks are showing they haven’t learned vital lessons.

    YOU make sure that YOU learn those lessons and YOU will soar. Naturally, it would certainly be of a lot of benefit if more of us could soar because that would create a massive air current that would lift us all up higher, but we can only control what we, as individuals, do.

    My mother has made it clear for me to put myself first, do not make the same mistakes she made and to marry well.

    Great advice! Tell your mom that she and I must be kin. LOL And the younger you are, it’s easier to marry well–provided you can vet men well! And please know that by “marrying well,” I do NOT mean ‘marry a rich wm.’ LOl! There are a gazillion CQLL men who are very “comfortably” positioned in the world and some of them would love to share their spot with you. You ARE compatible with tens of thousands of those men. All you have to do is find each other.

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  26. Neecy
    Nov 26, 2014 @ 18:01:57

    I think it was Evia or Jilimaster who mentioned this in regards to Ivy league schools and admissions when it comes to Asians.

    I recently read an article about how Asian students are up in arms because many have been denied to ivy league schools over others with lower test scores and grades. So even though their SAT scores, grades are very high, many will not get in solely based on that and have alowed other students such as African Americans and others who have shown great social and academic promise. They feel they should strictly be admitted SOLELY based on scores alone.

    What they fail to realize is that Ivy leagues look for more than just test scores to determine a persons success.

    They look at the whole picture. The kinds of social groups you have been apart of, community activites, things that show who you are as a person besides just your SAT scores. A lot of these Asian students are lacking in that beause they simply focus on the numbers and test scores. They have not developed thier social, community skills to create an environment of personal growth on these campuses. University life is not SOLELY about grades, test scores and numbers. Its also there to develop people socially so they can be successful in the world by interacting with others in a healthy manner.

    Althugh many of these Asian students may be very smart book wise, many are like robots socially and cannot interact in a healthy manner with others.

    I believe it was Evia that said, just because someone has great scores and tests well doesn’t mean they will be an effective doctor, lawyer or such. If they have no communication or social skills and act like robots, then that makes them less qualified as a doctor since a doctor not only has to be SMART and able to learn and grasp concepts, but a doctor hsa to have great interpersonal, communication skills to relate to the public and his/her patients.

    University campuses have to take an approach to admit a VARIETY of students with varying backgrounds as it ENRICHES its culture and overall covers all areas in termsof social, academic life.

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  27. HomesteadGlamourGurl
    Nov 26, 2014 @ 19:30:51

    All of this circles back to CULTURE and FAMILY. If a group wants to advance, they have to
    FIRST: have a solid culture
    SECOND: build the economic base
    THEN: go after the political influence.

    Evia and Khadija have been beating this drum. Over and over observation and study proves this is the truth.
    The base of a strong culture is a strong family. One of my favorite bloggers, who is in the survival niche, has said more than once “If we lose the family, we lose everything.”
    If you have a strong family, economic security, you are in a stronger position to go after political influence and make the world more “fair” for yourself.

    The AA oow rate, and issues with supporting black businesses is a direct cause/factor in the other problems we experience.

    The problem is, the overwhelming most of us cannot or will not connect those dots.

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    • Neecy
      Nov 26, 2014 @ 19:45:36

      And this is the CRUX right here. Today the AA community at least this generation will not prosper because we have a complete generation that believes in broken families. What’s the difference between the black community of yesterday vs. today? The complete and total breakdown of the family unit which has been taken over by OOW rates and Blacks of all walks of life supporting that nonsense.

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  28. HomesteadGlamourGurl
    Nov 26, 2014 @ 19:43:12

    Evia said: [i]
    YOU make sure that YOU learn those lessons and YOU will soar. Naturally, it would certainly be of a lot of benefit if more of us could soar because that would create a massive air current that would lift us all up higher, but we can only control what we, as individuals, do. [/i]

    A bright spot in all this! Thank you.

    One of the things bwe has attempted to do is to help create a sub-culture (with mentalities, habits, values, etc) of success for black women. Part of this is the mentality of appreciation for the help you are given. Right now I have a post up about being “Thankful for BWE”, expressing my gratitude to ALL the bloggers who have and are contributing to this effort. (Neecy you are mentioned. *wink) Everyone is welcome to stop by and just leave a little comment stating one thing BWE has helped them with or one change, however small, they have been inspired to make as a result.

    Old habits die hard. Sometimes you need to be reminded to take action in certain areas, until those actions become habits. (For example, I had to make a conscious effort to always put on just a little makeup, I had to spend some time searching out bargains on high-quality clothes in classic styles. Now it’s nothing to get up every day and spend the 5 minutes on my face before heading out),

    Black women’s spending makes a major economic impact. During this season our money enriches many businesses. In the next week or so I challenge each and every one of you to spend some of that money on a black woman owned business. It’s as easy as heading to etsy for some soap or body butter for a stocking stuffer. Some us may take it further and find a bw who owns a bakery and get our holiday cake there, or maybe a self-published author would be a nice addition to our own bookshelf or that of a friend (May I remind us all that Halima, Evia and Khadija all have books for sale. 🙂 This will be a formal challenge with a blog post, stay tuned.

    Let’s make a little air current! 🙂

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  29. Evia
    Nov 27, 2014 @ 09:37:51

    Drat! I couldn’t attend the usual family T-Day gathering today due to a sore throat. I didn’t want it to get worse by going out in the cold or infecting anyone else. So, here I sit. Oh well, I’m sure I didn’t need all the calories anyway. LOL

    @HomesteadGlamorGirl re:

    All of this circles back to CULTURE and FAMILY. If a group wants to advance, they have to
    FIRST: have a solid culture
    SECOND: build the economic base
    THEN: go after the political influence.

    Evia and Khadija have been beating this drum. Over and over observation and study proves this is the truth.

    This blueprint for any cultural group’s advancement was imprinted on my brain about 25 years ago by listening to the lectures of renowned scholar, writer, nationally known community advocate and educational leader Dr. Barbara Sizemore of the University of Pittsburgh. But she held several high positions. (I ordered all of her VCR tapes but I let someone borrow them and I never got them back. The VCR tapes don’t seem to be available online–only YT excerpts and those YT excerpts are not the ones that TEACH the blueprint.) Anyway, in a step-by-step fashion, she TAUGHT (no, she drilled) these obvious stepping stones to advancement and we can see how they connect and interact in other cultures in the U.S. (among Jews, Koreans, etc.) , but the step that average black Americans seem to do everything to avoid taking part in is the first one: have a solid culture.

    I understand why. Whew! It so difficult OFFLINE for those of us who even accept the validity of the blueprint and want to move forward with it to mesh values, beliefs, attitudes, habits of mind, time table, general mindset and the required behaviors with those of other like-minded bw even when everyone declares they’re on the same page.

    Many–even like-minded bw–STILL want to do WHAT they want to do WHEN they feel like doing it, and anyHOW they want to do it it–even when they’re not making progress. This is because they still haven’t learned the lesson.

    Prior to listening to Dr. Sizemore lay all of this out with numerous examples, I may have been somewhat the same way. I think I thought that if blacks could just get enough $$$$$, then many of us would do what was needed to advance. LOL! After listening to her, I realized that money without organization is pretty much useless. Organized money is what’s needed to make changes and that is directly connected to enough among us subscribing to the SAME mental-cultural framework. ALL Jews don’t subscribe to the same cultural framework to the same extent, but enough of them do. All Koreans don’t subscribe to the same cultural ways, but enough of them do. All Cubans don’t subscribe to the same cultural framework to the same extent, but we surely know that enough of them do. Just look at the power-players in Miami today versus who they were in 1980.

    On this T-Day, I’m so thankful that BWE writers and commenters and our supporters have been successful in setting the foundation for a new cultural framework among SOME of the regular readers and commenters. But, so far, this is only in writing, and I emboldened “some” because we know now that some readers and commenters participate for sheer entertainment to distract them from the monotony of their lives.

    The base of a strong culture is a strong family.

    Yes, and increasingly, your family is not or not only the group you were born into but those who become your family because they behave like your family via uplifting and supporting you in ways that will generate positive returns for you and them in the short and long run.

    “If we lose the family, we lose everything.”

    For sure! Even many higher order primates–for ex. the great apes–know this because they behave like family toward each other. They come together when needed and SUPPORT each other.

    If you have a strong family, economic security, you are in a stronger position to go after political influence and make the world more “fair” for yourself.

    So obvious, and no other group has made advancement without following the steps of this blueprint, but the vast majority of black Americans are determined to just make the $$$$ and advance because that’s what feels good to them. LOL! Not going to happen. Meanwhile, their bodies, minds, and spirits are being shot off out there–one by one. Solo birds always get shot down, one by one.

    People have to force others to be “fair” to them and they do this with ONGOING solidarity based on a cultural framework or kindred mentality and behaviors that meets their key needs. Solidarity does not equal coming together to engage in flash-rioting. The powers-that-be are not fooled by that for a second.

    The problem is, the overwhelming most of us cannot or will not connect those dots

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  30. Evia
    Nov 27, 2014 @ 10:08:04

    HomesteadGlamorGirl, YOU said:

    The problem is, the overwhelming most of us cannot or will not connect those dots

    That’s because they either haven’t LEARNED the lesson or willfully REFUSE to learn it. Once you learn the lesson, you CAN connect those dots and are ready to make re-arrangements in your life to do so.

    My ex-husband used to say that when Africans or blacks in general have suffered enough, they WILL change their ways. Interesting! Maybe blacks need a few more hundred or thousands of years of suffering? Ya think?

    Black women’s spending makes a major economic impact. During this season our money enriches many businesses. In the next week or so I challenge each and every one of you to spend some of that money on a black woman owned business. It’s as easy as heading to etsy for some soap or body butter for a stocking stuffer. Some us may take it further and find a bw who owns a bakery and get our holiday cake there, or maybe a self-published author would be a nice addition to our own bookshelf or that of a friend (May I remind us all that Halima, Evia and Khadija all have books for sale. 🙂 This will be a formal challenge with a blog post, stay tuned.

    This is such an EXCELLENT challenge because this represents a positive ACTION for our brand that will benefit especially those of us on the BWE/Common Sense slice in the short and long run. THANK YOU! I will certainly spread the word about this on my Ezine and I urge others with sites to do the same thing. I’ll stay tuned for more info.

    Please, EVERYONE, let other site owners know about this challenge. Let’s ALL help to get the word out!

    But insofar as my items for sale, I would prefer y’all withhold buying my items for now. I’m currently working on a few projects like updating and continuing with my Butterflitia series along with a few fiber art pieces that I would love some support for in the near future.

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  31. neurochick
    Nov 28, 2014 @ 08:14:32

    This thread has been very interesting. Un-pc stuff coming here.

    Insanity has been defined as doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I think a lot of BW, heck a lot of BM and BW do this. We look for bread in a hardware store, sounds insane correct?

    Being stealth is not being mean, doesn’t mean you’re fake. It means that you understand boundaries, that certain things aren’t everybody’s business. Many BW I know who have problems in the workplace are the BW who tell everybody their business, most of it TMI and NSFW. When I’m at work, I don’t care what you did on the weekend, not because I’m nasty but because you’re my co-worker and not my friend. Friends are people I have a shared intimacy with, people who have done for me as I have done for them. You don’t get to know the details of my life and I shouldn’t know the details of your life.

    I have worked with Chinese people for decades. There are many divisions among Chinese themselves, and they have a reputation of treating their own people, not in the best way. But here’s the thing I learned about them. Many Chinese people, in fact, many immigrants don’t understand Americans, and AABW especially. What they don’t get is why don’t we look out for ourselves, do what is best for us. Why do we do the same thing over and over again and expect different results?

    Example: Many years ago a woman at work, a WW got pregnant by her no good boyfriend. I worked with a Chinese woman, who was married and had two children, she said “she should just get rid of it,” meaning the baby. “Whoa,” I thought. She then said that her life would be miserable because her boyfriend, a DBRBM, didn’t have a job and didn’t seem to be looking for one. But the woman was in love, I said. The Chinese woman told me that was not love at all, but lust. She said that you don’t fall in love with the way a man looks or how good his body is, you fall in love with a man’s character. How does he treat others? Does he respect his parents? Does he respect you? That’s what you fall in love with, she said. She told me that the best thing for me to do, if I never found a man worthy of me, was to NOT have children, that being married and having children was work, it was worth it, but it was work. She couldn’t understand why so many WW and AABW had children and weren’t married, she said that was no good for the children at all.

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  32. ImAwake
    Nov 28, 2014 @ 10:53:36

    Because i’m still in a meat coma from yesterday..(just joking I’m a vegetarian and we really don’t celebrate thanksgiving i’m just being lazy) I’m going to repost a comment I made this summer from Neecy’s post A Best Defense…

    I said “I remember growing up all women (regardless of race/ethnicity) said to me and my girlfriends keep our own money…just in case. Get an education .And don’t have a house full of kids. Being penniless and a house full of children can keep women in abusive situations.
    “… one way to stay on the offense I always put birth control in the hands of the man (my head count is low-Don’t judge me)(lol) I was explicit that I wouldn’t cut my body and I wasn’t putting any hormones in my body. So if he didn’t want to be a daddy…HE HAD TO ENSURE IT!! So with that being said NO GLOVE NO LOVE. It could never said I hoodwinked some man into fatherhood. Believe me you lay down the law he will step up or off.” (This doesn’t mean I didn’t use any form of female contraception it just means that he wasn’t going to just rely on me being the only one responsible for birth control)

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  33. HomesteadGlamourGirl
    Nov 29, 2014 @ 05:43:08

    Ha! When I announced my engagement at my old job, ALL the older women there, every. last. one…. said “CONGRATULATIONS!…… Keep your own money.” lol

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  34. Nina
    Nov 29, 2014 @ 13:05:36

    Field Marshall Helmuth Carl Bernard Graf von Moltke (26 October 1800 – 24 April 1891) was Chief of Staff of the Prussian General Staff from 1857 to 1871 and then of the Great General Staff (GGS) from 1871 to 1888. He was an architect of Germany’s Wars of Unification (1864–71). He is often referred to as Moltke the Elder to distinguish him from his nephew, Helmuth Johann Ludwig von Moltke.

    “Therefore no plan of operations extends with any certainty beyond the first contact with the main hostile force. ”

    In other words, no battle plan survives contact with the enemy, and yes my sistahs, we are at war from all fronts.

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  35. Soul Alive
    Nov 30, 2014 @ 14:15:05

    Going a little off topic here, but this is how compassionate the Chinese are to homeless folks.

    http://gothamist.com/2014/07/01/protesters_jeer_at_homeless_familie_1.php

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    • APA
      Dec 01, 2014 @ 04:11:38

      Soul Alive,

      Having dealt with my Chinese roommate, the above does not surprise me. Chinese people are very status conscious, and one of the ways that they try to show off is by putting down those that are supposedly “lesser” than them. The individuals that they choose to ridicule may even be doing “better” than them, but they won’t admit that because they are trying to save face. I can almost guarantee that some of the protesters themselves are a hop, skip, and jump away from being homeless.

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  36. Soul Alive
    Dec 01, 2014 @ 10:26:08

    Someone in the article mentioned that APA. I used it as an example that these Chinese Americans will not hve any compassion, sympathy or otherwise for any of the shenanigans that certain Blacks may pull in the future.

    These Black people better hope, pray and vote accordingly to always keep a “friendly” white in control. Those who refuse to chart their own destiny will always seek out the friendliest master.

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  37. HomesteadGlamourGirl
    Dec 02, 2014 @ 08:42:49

    Reply

  38. cediblog
    Mar 30, 2016 @ 21:08:06

    Though I am not into interracial relationships. Been there,done that have no desire to go back. Those of you black women who are in those relationships. Keep your
    F*********** mouth shut about it, from what I see don’t tell anyone, people are hypocrites, black and white, let them find out at your wedding if that is ever to happen.

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