Boy are BW going to keep having to learn the hard way.
Understand this: BW are living in an environment society and world that does not wish to see you happy and thriving. Therefore any little inkling you give to your detractors that you are going to do just that, makes you a target for them to up the ante on pushing you back down into your rabbit whole that they want to keep you in.
One place where BW need to KEEP their MOUTHS shut about what they are doing is INTERRACIAL RELATIONSHIPS. If you venture on over to BB&W you can read the post about Jacque Reid and her public venture to “start” dating IR. And well, that didn’t work out too well. She pulled out of the PUBLIC challenge to find a Non Black mate for OBVIOUS reasons I saw before they even began.
BW. PLEASE STOP talking about it publicly about how you plan to do it etc. JUST DO IT. Don’t tell your family and friends anything unless they are already on board. don’t tell your “well meaning” co workers. Telling a family or friends of your plans to date IR when you already know they are against it is not going to help you. The OBVIOUS happened with Jacque reid who is a host on Tom Joyner mornning show. Yes a Black environment. We all know Black environments are not the safest places for BW to make announcements that they are not going to sit around and wait for a Black man. So just don’t tell them. All they will do is spend energy talking about why you shouldn’t do that, teasing and making a joke out of you – just like her co-worksers did. And then NY post ran a tabloid bit on her doing it and that was all she wrote.
Telling the public that you as a BW are going to attempt IR dating is NOT A GOOD IDEA! The public does not want to see you as a BW successfully dating across the color lines. That is because all the time they spend propping you up as the ASEXUAL FAT BLACK MAMMY and sidekick to the Non black women with Knight and shning armours, FAIL when you are not that chick anymore.
The reason I hardly focus on talking about Interracial relationships on this particular blog even though I am 10000% behind BW doing it and understand that BW are not going to survive or have future generations unless she does it, is because I believe BW have to just DO the obvious. The less you talk about something the more time spent on doing it, the better your outcomes will be and the easier it is to offset your detractors and throw them off.
If BW took the route that Asian and Black men did we’d be in a much better place. Do you remember BM making any fanfare about dating IR when they were in the beginning stages of doing so? NOPE! Did Asian women? Nope! It was like one decade you woke up and suddenly started seeing all these BM/Non BW pairing and Asian women and Non-Asian men pairings. They were stealth and smart about how they went about it because they probably knew of the pushback. Of course there was pushback but it was way too late by the time they received it.
What I am saying is. Of course discuss IR in safe environments with other BW. But going public and sharing your intentions with people who are already against you, is goal suicide!
I will never forget recently I was at a Bachelorette party with a mixed group of women. The bride to be (Black and in an IR) and I were talking about a mutual friend of ours who we feel would already be married and with family if she stopped limiting herself to just one race of men (Black men). And BOY did the White girls have something to say. One (who is married to a nice White man and has 2 young children) said “yeah but there are a lot of no good White men out there”. I looked at her and said “well you managed to find a good one, I’m sure she could too!”. She just looked and kept saying how not all WM are great. While I don’t think she meant any real harm in saying that, she completely missed the point of our discussion.
It wasn’t about No Good Wm not existing, it was about casting your net wider to have better chances of getting your fish. That by her limiting herself to one race, it has kept her from maximizing her opportunity to find love. But all the WW could come up with is “well there are some shitty WM out there too”. Uh we know that and that was not the topic of our discussion. So see, people are just comfy in keeping BW in their place. Despite her insistince that there are “crappy WM” she managed to find one who wasn’t, got married and has her family.
Gotta watch who and where you discuss your plans ladies. Plenty of people have it INGRAINED in their psyche that BW are simply not deserving of what they have or even Better. And a lot of times they don’t even realize they feel this way. It’s just second nature.
This is especially important for the average BW who is already sensitive to caring about what other think of her life choices and BW who adjust her choices based on what others say and tell her to do. This is a serious problem with BW. We do not just DO THE OBVIOUS. And when we get a little nudge to do it, we gotta tell the whole wide world – the same world that has been working AGAINST you to achieve that very goal.
JUST.DO.IT. There is a reason why that slogan is the slogan of a mutli million dollar company. Something’s you just have to DO and stop talking about it. Its fine to discuss your goals as a BW in a safe environment with other like-minded BW. But the buck should stop there. It’s always going to backfire when BW make announcements about doing anything that can be a positive for her life.
IR is the last frontier of keeping BW in her place – for a number of people and reasons, it behooves them to keep BW in her place, feeling unwanted, fat, asexual and not with quality men of ANY race. I would recommend in your own personal lives as a BW to just DO the things you want and don’t discuss them with anyone until well after you have accomplished that goal.
Of course if you have like-minded people or blogs (like this and others ) to discuss that is fine. But beware of discussing your ideas about self and life improvement AND DATING with just anyone. People are used to and comfy in seeing BW stay in her little box and rabbit hole. The minute you start trying to climb out and letting those same people know that you plan on doing so, you have just sabotaged yourself and your goals because now they will use their power to mentally and emotionally bludgeon you until you fall back into your rabbit hole and box.
JUST. DO. IT. LADIES! Don’t talk about it – be about it!