Ok. Yall. I had to temporarily close the comments on the Res. Pol. Post before it got even more off track than it was going. Some commenters were waaaaay too jumpy and ran off with all kinds of assumptions and getting completely off track of what the post was about and what I was saying. Others got the jist of what I was saying.
Its ok. I get it. I aint the best writer. And because of that I am willing to take the blame for not making my points much more CLEARLY. And I am not always as concise as I would love to be. As a result, my posts can be long winded with a BUNCH of different points, thoughts and concepts jumbled into the body. The result of that is I make a lot of points here and there that are not fully explained or expanded upon, and then people take one idea or thought, and draw their own conclusions about what I am saying or even what the basis of the post is about. Moving forward I will try to keep it to ONE concept as to not cause any confusion.
I have no issues with debating or people disagreeing with me AT ALL as long as they know what they are disagreeing with. If they don’t even understand clearly what I am saying, we cannot have an honest debate based on FACTS.
Instead of me continuing to run behind those who Didn’t GET IT, and repeating myself, I have decided to point out the FACTS of what I was saying in the post and what the post was about. I want everyone to be on the same page so we can actually have a conversation about the REALITY of what I was saying and not the mis-interpreted or misconstrued assumptions of what I was saying.
If I could sum up the post meaning in a sentence it would be “DAMNED IF YOU DO AND DAMNED IF YOU DON’T”. If you can understand that concept, then my post becomes much clearer.
- The Respectability Politics post is NOT about the Black women who are representing themselves negatively to the masses and tarnishing the image of Black women collectively – per se.
It’s mainly about the Black women WHO ARE NOT representative of the negative stereotypes NO LONGER feeling as if they have to play respectability politics when they have never even been a representation of the negative stereotype to begin with (I.e. “going the extra mile” jumping through hoops, turning yourself into a pretzel to prove yourself to people when you are already doing and being the best person you can be.)
It’s about recognizing you do not need to carry the burden of your other sisters who can’t act right because YOU cannot change them just as you cannot change those who already have you pegged as a stereotype.
- Sometimes it’s simply a case of “DAMNED if you do and DAMNED if you don’t”. That when you are NOT representative of the stereotypes that makes some people comfortable, they will even target you for that. Putting you in a damned if you do and damned if you don’t situation. If you are already in that kind of situation and you are being the best person you can be, the best bet is to simply continue to just DO YOU and stop worrying about trying to appease others who do not care about your individuality because it’s FUTILE.
- If a Black woman (WHO IS ALREADY BEING THE BEST PERSON SHE CAN BE) has to jump through hoops and go the extra mile to prove herself to anyone, she is already losing. If someone respects you as a PERSON, they will draw and base judgments on you based on your own actions and not the actions of your race and gender. PERIOD. If they cannot or are unwilling to do that, then it’s NOT YOUR PROBLEM to try to make them reasonable, well-adjusted non-narrow focused human beings. It’s THEIR PROBLEM.
- The RP was NOT about asking, begging or expecting NON Black women or ANYONE to be “FAIR” to BW. I’m no dummy. Clearly if people wanted to be fair to BW, I wouldn’t be running this blog, this post would not exist, there would be no BWE sites, and BW would be happier than pigs in poop with our position in society.
- The point in me bringing up others UNWILLINGNESS to let Black women simply be individuals is FOR A REASON. And that REASON is that it benefits them and not Black women – THUS why they continue to do it! THAT’S IT. Nothing more and nothing less. I am not expecting, asking for them to be fair. I am POINTING out the REASONS they won’t do it.
- If a BW doesn’t understand the battle she will never win the war. Ignoring why BW’s images in society are so marginalized and WHO is behind such and WHY its behooves them to keep you in your place, is like going into a gun fight with a butter knife. I am not asking or expecting people to “be fair” and hand us their privilege on a platter. I am simply making BW AWARE of why things are the way they are and how to recognize it and which way she needs to go once she understands it.
- The RP post is NOT about focusing on changing the BW who are representing themselves negatively. Every race has its share of individuals that make people cringe. My SUGGESTION was that BW who are tired of the negative stereotypes work at uplifting, promoting and creating outlets that we build and formulate to BALANCE out the negativity.
- Negative acting BW will always exist just as negative acting people of other races and genders will continue to exist. All anyone can do is try to balance the negative with positive. That’s it. That is my point.
- BW are EXPECTED to take the burden of the undesirables. And my point is – do not feel the need to do that any longer because ITS NOT YOU who is the problem or even the bad apples (per se). It’s the people who EXPECT BW to prove themselves at every opportunity that they are “not like the rest”. If you are a Black woman that is ALREADY BEING THE BEST PERSON YOU CAN BE, and that is obvious by your behaviors and they won’t acknowledge that, then OH WELL. NOT your problem.
- In a perfect world, all BW would act right and accordingly. In a perfect world, we would have a magic wand to change the things we wanted. We do not live in a perfect world. We are only capable of changing ourselves, our thoughts and actions. THUS I am telling BW who are ALREADY LIVING WELL AND BEING THE BEST PERSON THEY CAN BE to stop focusing on those who you cannot change and just keep being the best person you can be.
- I CLEARLY stated on more than one occasion in the post, that BW who are not representative of the negative stereotypes NEED to work to balance these images out BY USING THE SAME TACTICS THAT the stereotypical BW have been using along with their “allies” who have helped them tarnish the collective image of BW.
- NO WHERE did I say or correlate RP to BW not being that way naturally. Some people made comments stating that they do not need to play RP because they were raised to be well adjusted, and act in a respectful manner. GREAT. That is EXACTLY what I SAID. That BW who are ALREADY LIVING AND DOING WELL, should not have to feel they need to play RP game to make up for the actions of negative acting BW. To continue to BE THEMSLEVES and continue to be the best they can be and anyone who doesn’t acknowledge that – OH WELL not your problem.
- The RP was NOT about interracial relationships.
- The RP WAS about pointing out that there are people who are UNCOMFORTABLE with well-adjusted non-stereotypical BW and they will lash out at you in ways that are supposed to “remind” you of your “place” in their eyes.
- The RP WAS about, no longer focusing on those who you cannot change (negative acting BW) and taking that energy and effort and putting it into formulating a NEW CULTURE of BW who represent the positive and uplifting images of womanhood that we desire. I did not ask, say or suggest that WW or anyone else should do this for us.
Finally, TUCILLA (who BTW has never posted before) summed up the whole point of my post beautifully:
After reading this and other sources, I think, while well intentioned, RP wouldn’t work simply because people have to want to change; and no matter how much one tries to uplift those who are broken it’s their journey to take alone. I see merit in wanting a community to do better; but it shouldn’t rest on your shoulders. The conclusion I got from your article is that instead of fixing the damaged; focus on showcasing and uplifting the Progressive Black Woman.
Thank You Tullica!