Don’t Stay Losing Part III: STRATEGY


So far I’ve done two parts to the ‘Don’t Stay Losing Series”. The first was – TRUTHS and the second was SIMPLICITY.






Now let’s move into STRATEGY.


But before we do that…..Here’s a thought to kick things off.


I was sitting in my car the other day during yet another excruciating rush hour home in LA traffic. And something dawned on me as I got really angry at the person ahead of me who kept letting the “cheaters” (you know those people who don’t want to wait at the long traffic light, or long line of cars to get on the freeway ramp and they drive up on the side and try to cut in front of the people right at the entrance or at the front of the light)?


Yeah I’m talking about you! No seriously but you know those people right? And it aggravates the living crap out of you because you sat in that long assed line waiting your turn like everyone else who is tired and just wants to get home or to other obligations and these asshats just keep trying to skip ahead of the line as if their time and destination are far more important than yours!


(BTW yes I do cheat every once in a while. If you pay it forward ever so often and let someone cut in front of you, you can do it too. Just don’t do it regularly and do it politely with a smile and “thank you” wave to the person you’ve cut).


Anyway, but the most aggravating thing was the person in front of me, keep letting a bunch of cheaters (like 3-4 cars) skip ahead of him which meant I and others had to wait that much longer to get on the freeway ramp even though we waited the line like good citizens.


One car. OK. But 3,4 cars – HAIL NO!


After witnessing this, I suddenly had an epiphany! This is BW! That annoying do gooder who kept letting others jump the line in front of him is doing what BLACK WOMEN do all the time!


BW are always letting people skip the line ahead of them further pushing them back and making them miss their obligations while letting others who didn’t want to play “fair” get to where they need and want to be much sooner. The other cars saw this one person kept letting people in, so they took advantage and used him to cut to the front.


But no fear. Neecy is here to help you stop doing that!


When people try to do that to me and I’m at the front, depending on my mood, every now and then I allow ONE person to jump the line in front of me – I’m paying it forward. But most times I make it so that they cannot cut and have to end up waiting BEHIND ME until another person decides to let them in.


I don’t always do this, because I find it inconsiderate and RUDE that people just think they can boguard their way in the front of the line while everyone else is waiting patiently.


You have a right as a BW to not allow others to keep “cutting” you to get ahead. You can play the game and stop them in their tracks like I do when I’m just not in the mood to deal with that.


  1. Now onto the MEAT and GUTS of this POST


“If you want to know your past, look into your present conditions. If you want to know your future, look into your present actions.” ~Some Buddhist


BW are very clear about our past and we have been able to put two and two together and correlate how that has affected our present conditions. There is nothing we can do about the former. But there is something we can do about the latter – our future and how our actions TODAY will predict what our future will be. And I think the writing is on the wall. We are at the crossroads where we either CHANGE or continue to be at the mercy of all others stepping on, over us to get what they want and leaving us destitute.


So that is where strategy comes in. Better believe no successful group with any kind of infrastructure got there by CHANCE or by being ACCOMODATING all the darn time. Everything and everyone today that has some power or infrastructure or even success of some sort had to be calculating to get there and remain in that position.


Plainly put, BW are too damned nice and accommodating and look where it has gotten us as a collective??? Where has it gotten BW? STALLED and waiting in that long traffic line to get on the freeway ramp much longer than we need to be.


In a perfect world being accommodating, always forgiving, “nice” and sacrificing would garner much reciprocation and rewards. But this aint a perfect world AT.ALL and human beings are designed to take advantage of those who do not protect themselves and stand their ground.


BW thrive off of the ideas that our sacrifice is going to somehow be rewarded, although we never see the rewards. But we still keep sacrificing, accommodating notwithstanding! The only thing we get is the fumes left from the cars speeding off onto the freeway that we opened up for them .




I’m a spiritual person, so I have my limits in terms of “shystiness” and how I go about getting what I want. I don’t believe in being sinister and being manipulative or taking on sociopathic tendencies to get ahead and get what I want. But I also don’t believe in being the all scarifying sheep with no demands of reciprocation is intelligent or progressive either.


To be calculating is not always sinister, it just depends on the person. It’s all on how you go about it. One thing being calculating is – is *SMART* – especially if you are in a weaker position compared to others. You better believe every other person in this society that keeps kicking the dust in yiur face, is being calculating.


All those TV ads where BW are fat, sassy and asexual is a CALCULATED move on the parts of your competition and those who want to keep you “out the game” and at their mercy. Any and everything that shows and puts BW in a negative light or seen as un-feminine is a CALCULATED move. And it is WORKING BIG TIME. So if you are all about “I can’t be calculating to get ahead” then you most very likely will not get very far.


Here’s what we *DO* know by trial and error as BW:


  • You will not get out of a weaker position by being accommodating towards those who are not accommodating towards you or who are non-reciprocal
  • You will not get out of a weaker position by caping, and being a captain-save-a-_______ (fill in the blank)
  • You will not get out of a weaker position by being “nice”.
  • You will not get out of a weaker position by putting others feelings and needs before your own.
  • You will not get out of a weaker position by offering up yourself for suffering and pain so that others can like you more or give you wet soppy doggy treats.


YOU *WILL* get out of a weaker position by being CUNNING (to a certain degree), CALCULATING, & STRATEGIC.




I’m not going to literally break down every step one needs to do to be calculating, because you all are intelligent and can read and understand the definitions and take on whatever steps you need to take to be successful. But I will give you what IMO is the first and most important step for BW to learn how to be calculating.


That is learning , practicing the art of being APATHETIC.




  • showing or feeling no interest, enthusiasm, or concern. Being indifferent



Here are some synonyms to help drive the meaning home:

uninterested, indifferent, unconcerned, unmoved, uninvolved, disinterested, unemotional, emotionless, dispassionate, lukewarm, unmotivated, halfhearted;


Yeah yeah I know, that’s not what BIG MOMMA, GRANMA and everyone told us to do or be, but it’s a new day! APATHY is going to be your BESTES FRIEND in the journey to freedom as a BW!


But Apathy towards the *RIGHT* things is important. Right now BW are apathetic to the things that are crucial to our survival. And that is not SMART.


BW need to learn how to become apathetic to the many people, things, and entities that have proven to NOT be in your individual and OUR COLLECTIVE best interests. It’s kinda in the STAYING NEUTRAL family. It means just stop inserting yourself into people and messiness that is supposed to strip you of your sanity, well-being and often times RESCOURCES.


Learn to simply be un-affected by other people’s obvious attempts to reel you in for the kill. Because as long as they keep reeling you in, you can never focus on coming up and executing STRATEGIES to better your individual and our collective lives as BW. And if you had STRATEGY in the first place, those scorpions couldn’t even get close enough to reel you in. They’d find another and easier PREY to reel in.


There’s a reason why sociopaths target “weaker” and more empathetic accommodating people and why they are scared shitless of confident- self-assured people who they know thinks highly of themselves.


Being constantly empathetic, accommodating and sacrificing towards others has been TRAGIC for the Black female collective with no signs of getting any better until BW learn to do as others do and look out for self-FIRST and only give yields to others who have and are willing to reciprocate and ally with us in GIVE and TAKE relationships of any kind.




  • a plan of action or policy designed to achieve a major or overall aim.


This is probably the biggest thorn in the BW’s side right now. To be honest, BW have *NEVER* had any real strategies for our collective lives and many times our individual lives.


And if we do have strategies they are the most NON-EFFECTIVE counterproductive strategies known to man and womankind!


We’re throwing shit against the wall to see what sticks. And if it sticks (for like 1 second) and then slides down off the wall, we don’t pick up another piece of shit to toss, we go and try to gather and “prop up” the useless shit that fell off the wall onto the floor. Instead of taking the cue that if it doesn’t stay stuck to the wall, it’s probably not the shit we need and we need to move onto some new shit.


Sure there may be BW who have strategy in their individual lives, but by the looks of things *collectively*, these BW are not very common these days.


So STRATEGY is the biggest HUMP BW have to get over. That is why it’s the middle term in this series. It’s the big HUMP that BW have to get over before they start heading into the more rewarding parts.



I’m going to just state some *OBVIOUS* Missions and goals that BW need to have. And these mission and goals will be the foundations of developing strategies to make them happen successfully. Of course this is just a blog post, so the list is not exhaustive.



  • MISSION – to secure the highest quality mate you can.
  • MISSION – to get to the highest economic bracket you can; being poor and in underclass these days is a sure way to be abused and lack any kinds of protections you need. You are a TARGET for easy prey.
  • MISSION – avoid getting manhandled by the police by understanding they are not the police of yesterday and are looking for reasons to abuse minority women (Yes I am DEAD serious)
  • MISSION – stay out of the justice system as much as possible because its designed and targeted to work against minority women (How many Asian women do you think are filling up prisons in the USA? There’s a reason – they have obviously got some kind of memo that staying out of the justice system works BEST). Women in prison are abused and killed systematically by the male guards and it’s a horrible situation. Talk about no real protection?
  • MISSION – teach any young BW in your life how they need to navigate the waters in society to avoid being VICTIMS and how to instead be VICTORS
  • MISSION – get health in order (yes things are changing in medical arena that will not favor those with tons of avoidable medical issues)
  • MISSION – get away from toxic Black areas where you will likely be targeted by feral/criminal Black males
  • MISSION – surround yourself and only deal with like-minded individuals with many of the same goals, values or missions (that are UPWARD and not BACKWARDS)
  • MISSION – Apathy towards things and people who are not moving you forward and instead keeping you stagnant or pushing you further down the rabbit hole
  • MISSION – Stop inserting yourself into things and people AND SITUATIONS that do not benefit you in the least or have nothing to do with you; stay neutral
  • MISSION – Embrace your femininity; when you do this you will find yourself unwilling to do the work of men and to fight everyone’s battles
  • MISSION – Develop a network of allies
  • MISSION – SUPPORT and give back to people, things and entities willing to invest in and support you; do not take their allying with you for granted and simply be a leech
  • MISSION – Understand the “United we stand, Divided we fall” mantra as TRUTH when looking at other LIKE-MINDED BW (keyword LIKE MINDED BW). We are all in this together and we need to stick together to fight against the forces trying to destroy the whole of BW collective.
  • MISSION – help build towards a collective for Progressive BW who have left the BC and want to create a “new” community where our children (yes Mixed with Black mothers) benefit from being our progeny.
  • ULTIMATE MISSION – Build personal INFRASTRUCTURE and contribute to help building COLLECTIVE INFRASTRUCTIRE with like-minded BW.


You may add any you feel I missed that may be important!



Strategy is sooo important now more than anything in BW’s lives. In the next Don’t Stay Losing post, I want to tackle Infrastructure, why it’s important and how to go about building it and looking for brainstorming ACTION ORIENTED ideas on how we as like-minded BW can build our *collective* infrastructures like all other powerful groups in this country and world. We can do this without the BC and BM, but will need to brainstorm on ways to do such.





47 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Neecy
    Jun 21, 2015 @ 21:32:31

    You know I am actualy thinking about that whole Asian women staying out of jail thing. I know many of the women who read this blog won’t be doing any jail time at all, (LOL) but I still put it out there because I think it speaks to overall why BW can’t get ahead.

    If BW think the police have no qualms abusing you out in civilian public what do you think they would do on their “own turf” (in the jails and prisons) where they are even more protected when they abuse, rape and even KILL young BW in the prisons and get away with it?

    If young BW could stay out of the justice system that’d be one less thing on our destruction plate. And oddly, most BW doing time are doing it in regards to BM or helping them in some way in terms of drugs or crime.



    • itsmeak
      Jun 26, 2015 @ 13:40:45

      True. Even on the UK several years ago there were PSAs going around telling young women to stop hiding the weapons of their boyfriends and some of these PSAs that were posted clearly had black people in them because of high levels of black on black crime.



  2. Neecy
    Jun 22, 2015 @ 00:01:24

    DAMN! How could I forget to put the NO OOW KIDS for a Mission!



  3. Rae
    Jun 22, 2015 @ 04:50:47

    Neecy about the jail thing, I have to tell u something. I was aghast at the amount of young bw my age in college telling me that they bailed out their bf in jail or waiting for him to get out! Mind you most of us are not even drinking age yet. This was a foreign concept to me! Why on earth would I be with someone with a criminal record and can not stay out of trouble?? Many of the young bw are in jail because of being associated with young bm. I go by what actsoffaith said and muslimbushido said, all bm are guilty before proven innocent. I am very discerning with who I hang out with. I truly don’t think a lot of bw know healthy vs dysfunction. It’s sad all around. Sigh.



    • Neecy
      Jun 22, 2015 @ 21:38:46


      I believe you. many of the young BW doing time now over 50% of them are in jail in relation to some b/f or husband and drugs.

      The reality is, we just cannot worry about dysfunctional BW anymore. They IMO are a lost cause and many will often try to tear you down and bring you down with them.

      But hopefully the young BW who do see something is wrong will use the internet to find like minded BW to help them through their daily lives when they feel like they are the only BW on “Non dysfuctional island.”

      The internet is a very powerful tool when it comes to reaching and teaching BW worldwide about what is truly dysfunction and why we should stop accepting typical Black dysfunction as the status quo.



  4. gettingmylifefindingmylove
    Jun 22, 2015 @ 05:10:42

    Great post Neecy! I would like to add something. Ladies make sure you keep your business PRIVATE. Stop blurting out to everybody your plans, thoughts, and personal information. Seriously! Be like a ninja! People will do all sorts of crazy things to pull you back down.



  5. Kenna
    Jun 22, 2015 @ 09:05:15

    Love this article because so many black women need to learn how to filter and stop having this “we need to save the black race mentality”. Black women need to kick in their survival mode and understand that only of the fitness of fitness will survive.
    I was reading a comment on an ambw page in Facebook and one of the ladies posted that all the white and Asian men that she would like to date is into fitness. I was thinking to myself, so why don’t you get into fitness too in order to get you a man?. I find it interesting how many black women can get fat and stay that way in order to get them a black man but when it comes to non bm, the concept is just foreign to them.



    • Neecy
      Jun 22, 2015 @ 21:46:17

      Yes BW need to realize they cannot save the Black race alone.

      But i understand why so many BW still cling onto Blackness because they feel its the lesser of all eveils out there.

      With all the racial stuff going on in the world, I can understand why the average BW would feel that sticking with and by BM is the lesser of evils.

      i have no doubts BW can see clearly that BM don’t give a damn, but too many they’d rather stick it out with BM than venture into other territories where they feel looked down upon because of race.

      Lets face it – Non BM are unlike B and tend to prefer and stick by their women and communities. This can be a very uncomfortable feeling for many BW. And then when we are faced with such ugly racial tension these days, it makes it that much harder for BW to trust other races of men and I get it.

      I am going to ease up on BW moreso nowadays whe it comes to dating and finding mates in general. I don’t think men of any race are going to be the answer to BWs problems or happiness. One person said this awhile back and it made me stop and think. She said “men are not the friends of BW”. I’m sadly seeing this to be true so much more often than vice versa.

      While the minority of progressive BW can get past that, I don’t think the average or majority of BW can ever. So many see how little value and esteem BM hold them and can never fathom with all the racial tensions that other races of men can(especially whe these men are known for supporting their women and communities).

      its just not easy for the average BW to just look at Non BM and the world and feel she will find happiness.

      I think the best bet for American BW is to venture across the pond at this point. I am not sure we will see any real rise in IR between BW/non-BM until these racial tensions subside. That’s just my thoughts.

      Personally, I would like to see BW spending less time worying about any race of man, and more time focusing on betering her individual self and contributing the pushing the BW collective forward.

      But for the BW who are able to overcome all of the racial tensions and open themselves up to other races, I say more power to them and go for it. I’m just not so sure anymore that we will see any real increase in BW wanting to date White men or others these days – at least not here in America. Not with the ongoing anti-BW sentiments.



      • itsmeak
        Jun 26, 2015 @ 13:51:54

        I can’t understand why BW would consider only going to BM as the lesser evil at all. I look back and don’t see being around all BM or even sadly all black people as a comfort zone at all even though I financially support black business and crowd funding campaigns of BW and black girls as much as I can. Every other set of people in the world puts down, hates and disrespects people DIFFERENT from their own for the most part but only black people continue to heavily do those things against their own kind and BW and black girls are the biggest and sometimes only targets. I see WM treating WW with gentleness and respect with no rough housing public for the most part yet BM want to speak this sort of ‘porno movie’ language to BW, put their faces straight up into a BW’s face as if they don’t consider that a BW has a personal sense of space and are far too aggressive as if they’re dealing with ‘their boys’. And I’m supposed to recognize a ‘comfort zone’ or a ‘lesser’ evil out of that?? ……….



  6. SilverRoxen
    Jun 22, 2015 @ 09:35:02

    Excellent! I especially liked the part about being apathetic. I just finished high school and I’ve had a terrible year(I can change that though because I have one more year left). I decided to do some self-reflection and I realized that the reason for why I felt invisible was because I was being too nice! People would always come to me for help, but they wouldn’t be interested in talking to me. It’s astounding to me how I can apply this as being a part of the bw collective, but not in my own life. Welcome back Rae its great that you’ve changed your mindset and I wish there were young bw my age that I could talk to about being progressive offline, but most of them still don’t see pushback that bw face.



    • Miki
      Jun 22, 2015 @ 17:06:11

      I wish the same thing. I find myself wanting to talk to about things such as the topic of this post with other young black women, but I don’t think most of them are on the same page.



      • SilverRoxen
        Jun 24, 2015 @ 09:02:55

        Yes, I feel that most young black women are focused on social media and pop culture. However, we shouldn’t give up hope. I believe that I will find likeminded young black women in college that I can befriend. Until then here a few blogs that I would like to share with you by young black women.



      • SilverRoxen
        Jun 28, 2015 @ 12:57:21

        I just remembered Miki, I recently created a Tumblr page and if you want to talk, you can send me a question there if you want.
        Anyone else can have a look, its a work in progress.



        • Miki
          Jul 03, 2015 @ 13:47:37

          I thought I subscribed to this comment thread, but it turned out that I didn’t, so I’m just seeing your reply now. I have visited the fist blog you mentioned, but not the second one. And I’ll definitely check out your Tumblr page.

          Perhaps it is because I live in a small town, but I have yet to find like-minded young black women at the college which I attend. From what I have observed most of the young black women in my age group just toe the line. However, I do have one good black female friend who has introverted interests similar to mine, but as far as talking to her about the types of topics covered in this blog, I don’t really know where her mind is at.



    • Neecy
      Jun 22, 2015 @ 21:52:50

      Hi SIlverRoxen!

      Don’t fret, its never too late to change your way of doing and thinking.

      YES people *EXPECT* BW to always be forgiving, sacrificing and always willing to be the sidekick or the person always giving without demanding it in return.

      I am so disgusted when I hear the families of the fallen victims in Charleston tell a savage terrorist murderer that they forgive him. i’m sorry but this is why people feel they can keep doing BW wrong and using us – because we are soooo quick to let our enemies know we forgive them. BS!

      BW need to stop with this overly forgiving nonsense. It just makes people not take us seriously when they hurt us.

      There are certain things that you should forgive and let go of etc. I am also not saying to hold grudges. But don’t be so easy to just up and forgive people who haven’t even ASKED! UGH.

      Sorry i went off on a tangent. but yes. you will find that the more you show people you are not one to come to for all thier needs and desires because you have your own, and you start setting boundaries, you will see a greater respect directed towards you and actually more people offering their help and support.



  7. Shaylah
    Jun 22, 2015 @ 10:16:05

    Another thing is stop buying this lie it takes a village when your oow friends come around with their kids. They want to leech off you and want your babysitting services but will tell you you will get your rewards in heaven. Bulls**t, I need money now. Here is what I used to do before BWE:
    Buy pampers for my friends with out of wedlock kids.
    Take them to McDonalds
    Gave money for them to have food at their camp during the summer.
    Paid for their groceries.
    Shopped at Target or Walmart for toys for them.
    Gave money away. Of course did ask not ask for it back.
    Paid for my own hair or nails.
    Treated myself to the movies and who ever couldn’t carry their own weight, tough cookies.
    Join dance classes on my way to losing some more weight.
    Started smiling more and making more eye contact to non-black men.
    I’m from Chicago, and the Blackhawks won the Stanley Cup, yea, and I seen at least 5 couples consisting of BW/WM. I am glad some are getting the message and I want more of them to get because when the SHTF, the way things are going
    too many black women are going to be at the mercy of people who already hate you and they will be laughing at you while siphoning your leftover resources.
    Also try some fields such as:
    auto mechanic
    tech fields
    Please stay away from helping fields like Khadija mentioned in her blogs because those fields are always consisting of black women and they never pay us what they our non-black conunter parts. Usually we take the fall when things go wrong because they know they black women are not granted the same protection as other groups of women.
    The other was my observation but Khadija mentions staying out the helping fields period.



    • Neecy
      Jun 22, 2015 @ 21:56:26


      BW need to stay far away from helping professions and anything that requires them to be at the service of others who need to drain BW emotionally.

      Somewhere someone told the BW that her sole existence was to be t the service of others. Then we wonder why its so easy for our own race of men, community and others to keep stepping on BW? Cause they know we know “our place” and will never challenge it by saying “EFF THAT!” every man for him/herself.



    • Kenna
      Jun 22, 2015 @ 23:02:47

      I have a coworker black female, 21 y/o who told me that shes paying her mom cable bills even though in her home there is 4 other people living there and watching it but she’s the only one paying it. I know to some this may sound cold but black women need to understand that everyone including family isn’t worthy of being in your life and if they so serve no purpose then you need to drop them.
      One of things I’ve always,admired about Jews and Asians how they help their families move ahead and the other members of the family help themselves. Too many black women feel that it’s their duty to help their family despite the fact that they refuse to better themselves. I saw this with my mom who went out of her way at one point in time to help one of uncles to make up for dropping out of high school and he didn’t even bother showing up for the first class. I always thought it was a waste of her time as I’ve thought to myself, you can’t want good for someone else. But my mom always saw me as a cold and selfish person so I left her to find out the hard way. Theyre many people who have made poverty the road the way to travel on and that’s nice and fine for you but that doesn’t means it’s the road on want to travel on. So let me move on outta your way so you can pass on by.



      • neurochick
        Jun 25, 2015 @ 05:26:15

        Kenna, I know a woman who lost her home because she was so busy taking care of family, that she couldn’t pay the mortgage. And there were GROWN adults living with her, I mean HUH? That’s what I mean by boundaries.

        The BEST way you can help someone is to be a power of example. It’s like you can’t get people sober if they don’t want it. You can’t help someone if they choose to stay sick.



    • neurochick
      Jun 25, 2015 @ 05:22:28

      If you want to be in the “helping” profession, then volunteer. That way you’re not in it for a salary and if it gets to be too much, you can always walk away.



  8. E.J.I
    Jun 22, 2015 @ 13:22:22

    One thing that I always encourage BW (eg: my younger college aged sister) to do, is to travel, especially outside the US of A. i dont know if that would constitute a “Mission” per se, but being outside of the US, helps you to see the world and gain valuable perspective and insight to life outside of the American Black experience, more importantly, you finally get to enjoy the priviledge of being American. Sad that you have to leave America to experience that, but it is….. Plus, I have found that being in a different place physically for even a brief period of time, always gives me a new way of seeing my world.



    • Neecy
      Jun 22, 2015 @ 22:01:30


      This is soo true! More and more BW should try to have dual citizenship outside of America if possible. But i do forsee with all the racial animosity and tensions geared towards BW here in the USA, more and more will be getting those passports and traveling to other parts of the globe to get away from all the stress and tensions here.

      Also, I just truly believe the best match-ups in terms of mating for BW these days is foreign males. They don’t carry quite the same kind of baggae as American males. Not saying they don’t have racial tensions elsewhere, but with the history and present day conditions with BW and WM especially, I don’t forsee a great number of American BW and American Non BM getting together. But i can see foreign NOn BM and American BW growing in numbers if more BW travelled and even lived in other parts of the globe.

      Also, the smartest thing American BW can do is to be able to give their offspring dual citizenship in case things get really bad here in the USA.



      • chicnoir
        Jun 23, 2015 @ 17:58:52

        Neecy thia is so true. So many women come to the US to have children so their children can have dual citizenship. I know someone who’s child has three passports (U.S., Japan and UK).



        • Neecy
          Jun 23, 2015 @ 19:50:56

          Very smart on their parts for sure!

          The US is headed for some strange times. Its almost like we are moving backwards than forwards.

          But the saying goes, sometimes things have to get worse before they get better.



          • neurochick
            Jun 25, 2015 @ 05:29:53

            Neecy: The pendulum swings back and forth. I’m old, I’ve seen this before, it looks like things are getting better and then BOOM, it looks like we’re going backwards. But that happens, it happens in diets, in exercise, in therapy. It always seems like folks are going backwards, what’s happening is fear, and then it’s like, “oops, time to get back on track.”

            Forty years ago NYC was a crap hole, no one wanted to live there, now the 1% are taking over. Maybe in another forty years it’ll be a crap hole again, who knows?



  9. jazzyfae45
    Jun 22, 2015 @ 23:33:32

    O wow Neecy I didn’t know you starts posting again, I’m late lol. But great article though, I agree 100%. If black women really and I mean really improve our lot in life we need to look out for ourselves and better ourselves. I especially agree with being apathetic to things that do not have our best interest at heart.

    I have enough of my own issues to worry about, I do not need to take on other’s issues as well. I’m doing counseling through my university to work out some issues I’m having. It’s been something I’ve been putting off for quite some time but I’m ready now. I also happy to say that I’m traveling to Europe in September for a 3 week study abroad program. I need to get out of this country for a while lol. Plus I’d like to see if a life abroad is something I would really like to live in the future. With the way things are going in this country right now I’m not ruling it out.



    • Neecy
      Jun 23, 2015 @ 19:49:54


      Thats awesome that you are doing some traveling abroad in Europe! I wish i had taken advantage of those opportunities while in college.

      Def a very smart move!

      If more young BW are smart they will do the same and set themselves up for opening many doors with relationships and possible dual citizenship.



      • jazzyfae45
        Jun 24, 2015 @ 10:10:36

        Thanks Neecy! Travel has been something I’ve been wanting to do since I was 15-17 so I’m excited. I’m also happy to say that there are 2 other black girls in the program I’m in now:) It’s not much but it’s a start.

        And I agree 100% about possibly getting duel citizenship. Because giving up my American citizenship is not an option no mam. Too many privileges that come with it. But to be able to navigate two countries and have a possible escape if things get to be too much in the country is looking mighty good. I was having a discussion about this very thing on BB&W a little while ago. I haven’t had a chance to really research yet, and I’m waiting to see how I feel about testing living abroad first before I look super into duel citizenship. But I’m very hopeful and open.



        • Rae
          Jun 24, 2015 @ 13:02:45

          Jazzy! This has been my plan all along! I’ve been to London countless time because I have a lot of family on both sides over there and also been to France once! I love And prefer western Europe and Scandinavia to living, they have a higher quality of life! 2 more years and I graduate! After that I’m taking a two year break to do peace corps or teach English abroad then get my masters in London! Because I have family there the transition will be a lot easier for me as I have help and connections. I don’t see myself marrying an American man nor do i have any desire to! I also suggest you look at travel blogs such as Oneika the traveler, Nicoleisthenewblack, iluv2globtrot and many more! Plan long term starting now! As young bw we have to be very precautions with our life choices. I travel abroad every year since I’ve been a baby. Next week I’ll be off to Montreal! Just thought I’ll share that with you..:)



          • jazzyfae45
            Jun 24, 2015 @ 13:53:38

            Thanks for the tips Rae! There’s a couple blogs you mentioned that I haven’t looked at yet so I’ll definitely check them out. You’re lucky to have connections abroad I wish I could say the same. But it’s OK because I’ll figure it out. There are some professors at university that have done a lot of traveling so I have some networking to do.

            And planning long term is something all black women need to do. This country is going through some-changes and we need to be ready. Even if going abroad isn’t in the cards for them they need to know what is going on around them and plan accordingly. All this caping for groups that don’t a damn about you and letting them take our very limited resources is the dumbest things we can do. So while I have my opinions about the events going on recently I’m still focusing on me and bettering myself. And it sounds like your doing the same, so good for you:). I just wish more black women would get a clue too.



            • Rae
              Jun 24, 2015 @ 17:17:20

              You’re welcome! I strongly recommend getting your masters abroad in Europe also because its much cheaper and more likely to get a job there since you’ve for your education there! I seriously can’t wait to finish up my bachelors so I can get out of here ! haha Yes I agree with more bw needing to get it but truth be told sadly, most bw won’t get it and if they do it will be too late. Truthfully, I’ve made peace with that…Oh and I made a mistake it’s, ‘iluv2globetrot’! (:



              • jazzyfae45
                Jun 24, 2015 @ 20:55:40

                O yes getting my Masters in Europe was something I’ve been thinking about. I’ve looking at a few different schools.

                And about black women getting it, I agree. It’s sad but most black women are just too indoctrinated to not put themselves first. Perhaps we’re wrong but from the looks of it a lot of black women will go down with the sinking ship. While the minority of us will move on *shrugs shoulders*.



  10. ayagoesplaces
    Jun 23, 2015 @ 04:16:20

    Heya Neecy, found you through BBW. Anyway, I definitely want to second the dual citizenship. I personally plan to utilize my South African citizenship for now. It’s not much, but I have family out there and could live very comfortably (of course with my American privilege) if things get severely out of control. And also please realize that the US government has a vested interest in making sure its citizens stay stuck on this sinking ship and has found very insidious ways to assure this. For example, the cost to renounce citizenship (people mainly do this to be rid of the draconian requirement of yearly tax return filings, and of course America is the only 1st world country to participate in this nonsense) increased from around 400 to $2,350(!!!!) making it one of the HIGHEST in the world! And FATCA was recently passed – “FATCA targets US citizens living and working overseas and holds foreign financial institutions (FFI) responsible for reporting accounts to the IRS for taxation.” This caused serious drama for US citizens abroad because some countries ended up outright refusing to do business with them. If that is not enslavement, I don’t know what is.

    Not saying this to scare anyone, but it is vital that BW get real with themselves and fast. If you can and are able to, traveling is the BEST gift you can give to yourself. Being an expat is a blessing.



    • Neecy
      Jun 23, 2015 @ 19:55:11


      OMG thank you so much for that information! I didn’t even know that was a problem with the taxing of American citizens. WOW. Well the US better prepare for more educated and *TIRED* American BW looking for life on other soils if they don’t get it together!

      Good for you for having the abilityt o mve back and forth and go to S Africa and still live well. I certainly would take advantage of that as well.

      I was reading somewhere (i think it was on BB&W) how American citizens who work there and live there live very well and very comfortably.

      BW who are high school and college aged should definitley be looking into fields where they can transfer their skills in other parts of the globe. If we get a Republican in office – God help us lol.

      That may be the wake up call though that we need, before we get it together. Sometimes the worse has to happen for people to get it together.



  11. SilverRoxen
    Jun 23, 2015 @ 08:18:10

    I have a question regarding helping professions. Would psychology be considered a helping field? Initially I wanted to pursue pharmacology, because it pays well and I have relatives in that field. However, I changed my mind because I wasn’t something that I was really interested in, if anything I was more so in it for the money. I enjoy science, but I didn’t think I should go into a STEM career because I’m terrible at math. I’m now thinking that I should study Biology (a science I actually enjoy) as my major and psychology as my minor, then specialize in Biology. Can anyone give me any advice on this matter?



    • Neecy
      Jun 23, 2015 @ 20:02:11


      IMO i don’t think fields like psychology is a “helping” profession in the sense that Khadija used it (if Khadija is reading she can correct me).

      But for me I would say it isn’t because it can pay well and its more of a professional setting and you make your own terms on what types of clients you will see, when and how etc.

      Social workers and the sort do not get paid well, have a lot of stressful people and situations to take on.
      I would think professions like social worker and anything that falls around that, are not good for BW because they just place a lot of strain on BW emotionally especially when these types of BW are most likely being “social workers” within their families and communities. Also i do think it trains BW’s minds to always be seeking to help those who may not even want help.

      A psychologist is usually dealing with people who *ARE SEEKING HELP* on their own etc.

      In FACT, I would say, we need more Black female psychologists! We need more BW in the medical arena in all areas. Definitley.



      • SilverRoxen
        Jun 25, 2015 @ 07:27:53

        Thanks for the advice Neecy. 🙂 I do agree about the need for more black women in all areas in the medical field. Seeing as black women tend to perish from diseases that are can easily be prevented such as diabetes, obesity, heart disease, etc.



  12. chicnoir
    Jun 23, 2015 @ 12:51:48

    Ladies y’all be careful when you are out and about. I usually wear a thin gold ring on my middle finger* to keep the crazies away. Some of these men think they OWN women.

    Sorry for going OT Neecey.



    • Neecy
      Jun 23, 2015 @ 20:04:37


      Girl, these deranged entitled men are going to get the shock of their lives as more women start walking around strapped.

      These “men” and thier fragile egos are going to cause an outright war on the streets between women who have had enough and their crazy asses.

      Clearly, this fool was deranged, but its scraey because you just don’t know these days. A lot of unchecked mentally ill men walking aorund freely looking for ways to harm and harrass women.



  13. notyourtoken
    Jun 23, 2015 @ 18:52:56

    Reblogged this on theblackprepster and commented:
    Important.Please Read



  14. SilverRoxen
    Jun 24, 2015 @ 06:30:13

    You have a nice blog, notyourtoken! I especially love the quote you have on there by Zora Neale Hurston.



  15. neurochick
    Jun 24, 2015 @ 09:06:27

    This is a great post, though I can’t totally get behind it. Most of my life I was all about “ME ME ME” and that did me NO good at all.

    However, it’s important to have boundaries. You can have boundaries and not be ME ME ME because seriously, nobody wants to be around someone who’s selfish and self centered.



  16. notyourtoken
    Jun 24, 2015 @ 16:01:05

    @silverroxen thank you! That is much appreciated 🙂



  17. AphroPhantasmal
    Jul 02, 2015 @ 18:32:31

    You make very excellent points in your post but the traffic metaphor is a bad one, primarily because it’s been proven that letting those cheaters in is one of the few ways to break up “traffic waves.”

    “Anyway, but the most aggravating thing was the person in front of me, keep letting a bunch of cheaters (like 3-4 cars) skip ahead of him which meant I and others had to wait that much longer to get on the freeway ramp even though we waited the line like good citizens.”

    Yeah…and you aren’t getting anywhere when those cars will, instead, create more stop and go by bogarting in front of other cars clogging the merge lane. By eating the traffic wave, that gentleman saved more time than everyone going bumper to bumper. Be a “good citizen” and don’t tailgate, allow people to get in front of you, and maintain a safe distance (even a little more distance if possible) from the car ahead. Black woman =/= being an insane, and ultimately immature driver.

    But all of that aside, I thoroughly agree with your mission statements. I’ll never forget my father rolling his eyes when I told him I had never even had a traffic ticket; like it was some stroke of luck. NO! It’s me making a conscientious of the situation that can occur from something as simple as a traffic stop. I’ve been pulled over twice for issues with my tail light or forgetting to turn on my headlights after sunsets; I smiled, remained feminine, and got off with warnings and one cop offering to check if a fuse was blown in my old Saab.

    If you separate yourself from the crap mentality, there are tangible benefits and unfortunately, way too many blacks both men and women, are deadset on us being antagonistic towards those who could most benefit us in the name of “solidarity” while they skip ahead and focus on getting what they want.



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