Cognitive Dissonance:

  • The state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change


  • “To hell with the Black community and its dysfunctional crap! I’m moving on to greener pastures and opening myself up to other races of men and HEADIN FO THE NORTH STAR. If BW dark skinned BW wanna save themselves and have a chance at healthy relationships and families then we better start recognizing that non-Black men are the key. Stop wasting your time and energy on Black men who don’t appreciate you and your dark skin. ” 

*5 seconds later*

  • “Look at all these watered down Black women BM keep slobbering over! UGH. I’m so sick of the colorism and dysfunction in the Black community. These women aint real sisters. Black men hate themselves and they just keep trying to erase “REAL” Black women by trying to pass of their watered down bi racial and light women as Black. That’s why I’m moving on from these self-hating Negroes!” 
  • *10 seconds later”


  • *5 seconds later*


  • UGH! Why are all these bi racial women always trying to COP what we have and then get recognition for it!. These bi racial women trying to erase us and always getting SHINE for wearing our hair styles and looks? Oh look at this chick again with her faux locks stealing BW’s beauty! Why has this bi racial chick gotten a doll for wearing faux locks? Aint a regular non ambiguous BW in sight! NEVER in their stories, movies, pic, songs etc. They are trying to erase us! These BM hate themselves so bad that all they want is these Non Black watered down bi racial looking BW. That’s why I have moved on and encourage other sisters to do the same.”


  • *10 seconds later*


  • BI RACIAL WOMEN AINT BLACK and they don’t represent me! I am sick of these women ERASING me as a Black woman. Stop letting these women steal your throne as a Black woman! That is why I have moved onto non Black men who can better appreciate a real BW. Do not let these bi racial and light skinned BW steal your throne! I am sick of them always stealing our shine as Black women. THEY AINT BLACK!”
  • 5 seconds
  • “Yeah I know I will have a bi racial child if I marry a Non BM – AND??”
  • 2 sec later
  • “Black men have been erasing BW since the beginning of time. Racially pure BW need to start standing up and stop letting light and bi racial women erase us!”


  • 2 seconds later
  • “Yeah I know I will have a bi racial child if I marry a non BM – AND?????”


This nonsense is exhausting for me as a BW, imagine what it must look like to some unsuspecting Non BM who might be open to dating BW.


Can you imagine the shit that would go through his head about our sanity?


I really want you to think critically about what I’m saying. Don’t just read the words but really critically think about what I am about to write here.


My first instruction: DO NOT BE A TEXTBOOK CASE OF COGNITIVE DISSONANCE that so many Pro IR BW are.


These women are borderline cray. They are clearly not well and not in any position to have any kind of healthy relationship with ANYONE.


Are they crazy for wanting to uplift themselves and create some sort of boundaries? No. Bu its seeped in hate and bitterness is the problem.  You can uplift yourself and beauty without always harping on others.

It goes back to my post about the sales representative who has a GREAT product. If your product is THAT GREAT you won’t ever need to bash the competition. You will not go into a sales meeting berating your competitor to get what you want. You will only be successful by focusing on YOUR AMAZING PRODUCTS qualities without the bashing.

If your competitor has a 90% share of the market, you will not win people over by being bitter and hateful about the fact that your product is only used 10% of the time. if you want to grow your market share, you do it by pointing out the great qualities of your product and not spending time and energy bitching about the competitor with a 90% market share over you.


SAME THING! Black women are not going to win any likes from outsiders by bashing the competition who has a greater share over us in terms of beauty ideals and love. That is just the way TIT TIS and many of these BW are not MATURE enough to handle that in a graceful manner.



And their views are  also problematic because you cannot be so PRO BLACK WOMAN and then turn around and date/marry and have the very children you have issues with. I keep hammering this point home because I do not think these BW have the wherewithal to really see and dissect their beliefs and how problematic they are to their goals of achieving relationship “bliss” with non Black men.


On one hand they want to hold onto this idea of PURE Blackness and but still date and marry and pro create with Non BM. They want to  *CLAIM* they are done with BM, but every turn they are talking about what BM like; they are  still meddling in Black community dysfunction, BUT CLAIMING to have MOVED ONTO GREENER PASTURES in the global community.


They want Non Black men, but not the offspring that comes from Non Black men (or rather have serious issues with the types of offspring from these unions). They claim they are done with BM, but can’t keep BM and BM’s preferences out of their mouths.


They can’t stand Bi racial women (or feel bi racial women are an obstacle in terms of black beauty), but are aware that’s who they will be pushing out if they date and marry across the color lines. They claim to be progressive, but still talking about old tired shit that has been around in the BC for centuries. I could go on.


These women are trouble makers and they are going to bring those negative things from the Black community into their IRs (if any man in his right mind decides to even pursue their crazy behinds). And they are sucking in other young impressionable BW in the process.


If these were PRO Black love, Pro Black KANG Black women saying and doing this, I wouldn’t bat an eye because it would make sense to me that they would do this. But when I see and hear so called pro IR talking like this, I see some serious PROBLEMS ahead.


This is why I am telling you –  GET YOUR MIND RIGHT before you even THINK about crossing any lines to date ANYONE. The Black women who are thriving and living healthy and happy lives with their Non Black partners and children are not sitting around blabbering about the BS that these so called PRO IR Black women are. They are not creating divides based on skin shade. WHY? Cause they dun GOT THEIRS!


They are not sitting around day in and day out bitching about BM’s preferences, whose black and who aint black enough, one drop rules and all that other stupid shit that NO ONE expect crazy dysfunctional baggage ridden Black people care about!


If you truly are ready to date IR, you will understand that you will have to somehow, someway find a happy medium where you can still love and embrace yourself as a BW and also be able to raise HEALTHY well-adjusted bi racial children (girls especially). I am dead serious.


Many of these baggage ridden BW are selfish and can’t seem to see the forest for the trees. They feel no choice other than to date IR, but they also don’t like the idea of the offspring from these unions because they see them as an OBSTACLE to their Black womanhood.


Unless they have no plans of pro creating, these women are going to take these issues and dump them onto their unsuspecting POOR non-Black partners and bi racial kids. MARK.MY.WORDS.


Just because you think you are ready for something, doesn’t mean YOU ARE. There are a Bunch of BW who need to find a stadium and have sev-er-alllll seats before they even think about dating anyone.


These women are DAMAGED and ANGRY. They think the fix to that is dating across the color lines, YET they aint even ready to deal with the animosity they have for the very women and children they will be creating with their non-Black partners.





That may very well be me for some of you. If it is, no love lost. I have never gone into something with the intentions of being FAKE or TRY HARD to garner brownie points, high-fives and pats on the head. I have and am a very COMPLEX person with varying degrees of viewpoints. I’m the kind of person that if things are going awry in my life, the FIRST person I look to is MYSELF and I try to dissect the areas and things that I have done to contribute to where I am at in my life. And I also hold others to that standard.


But I also realize that, that way of thinking doesn’t translate to most people , because most people like to be victims and never hold themselves accountable for their thoughts and actions that *MAY* be contributing to the issues in their lives.


It’s very easy to be a victim. It takes a lot of heart to look at yourself and START with SELF when it comes to dealing with the not so great things in your life.


It takes A LOT to say “I have issues and I need to work on them because I truly want to be happy and attract like for myself”.


I don’t do this for money (at least not yet) nor do I do it because I need everyone to love and like me and my views. This blog is my place of sanctuary to get things off my chest that *I* want to let out.


That’s just how I roll. I call a spade a spade even when the shit is uncomfortable and puts me in a position of being side eyed by those who aint ready to hear some UNCOMFORTABLE TROOFS.


I’m not, never have and NEVER WILL be everyone’s cup o tea and I am OTAY with that. Neecy is going to say her peace and point be it popular or not.




If you are a young DARK SKINNED UNAMBIGUOUS BW excited about opening yourself up to men of other races, then you have made the first step to freedom as a BW. I don’t need to go into detail of why. You already know.


But here is something that you may not *REALIZE*.  The moment you decided to give yourself a chance at being loved, appreciated, and given the chance at healthy relationships that revolve around your individuality and NOT some “standard” of beauty that you do not nor will ever fit, you have started with a CLEAN SLATE. The minute you said “I’m so done with the Black community and black men and its lack of value it has for BW like myself and others who look like me” AND MEANT IT – you have given yourself a clean slate.


Once you decide to walk away from the MATRIX and break the chains YOU HAVE GIVEN YOURSELF A CLEAN SLATE.


Do not muddy and mess up your clean canvas by internalizing the toxic dysfunction of other BW who claim to be on that same path. Listen to what they are saying and watch what they are doing. Are they really on that path for reasons they say or are they BW who are going down that path out of “necessity” and not true desire?


Why do you start with a clean slate when you TRULY desire to remove yourself from dysfunctional Black people’s nonsense? Because in the global arena, most men of other races see Black as Black. You don’t have to bleach your skin or turn yourself into a pretzel to fit an ideal. You are already BLACK and they have already come to terms with that and that alone.


You can try to argue with me on this, but that is just the REALITY and FACTS.  In this country the one drop rule has been so imbedded in the psyches of everyone that most people would agree today that anyone with any kind of Black aesthetic is BLACK. This may very well change in the future BUT FOR NOW, this is what it is, whether you like it or not.


What this means for you as a dark skinned unambiguous Black woman is crossing the color lines, is you are not up against competing with light, bi racial Black women for non-Black men based on SKIN SHADE, ADMIXTURES, HAIR TEXTURES etc. YES! You are on EQUAL footing in the interracial arena with Black women who in the Black community are seen superior based on skin tone, hair texture and admixture.


JUST TRSUT ME ON THIS! LOL I don’t have WM who post here but maybe one – his name is Mike. In my last post on this topic he confirmed what I said in regards to this.


I have been on this earth 40 something years. TRUST ME when I tell you that most Non ethnic Non BM could give a rat’s ass Black women’s admixtures or lack thereof when choosing to date us. They see us all the same – as BLACK. That includes “Blackish” looking bi racial women. If they are brown skinned with Black aesthetic THEY ARE BI RACIAL but they will be viewed and perceived as BLACK.


And if a NON Black man doesn’t want to date a BLACK WOMAN, he will not date ANY BLACK WOMAN no matter if she is mixed and “blackish looking”, light skinned or dark. He will not make exceptions for even MIXED or half Black women because in THIS SOCIETY TODAY anyone who looks Black IS BLACK to them.


NOW. We all know this is not the same playing field for BW of varying shades in the Black community. We all know that dark skinned unambiguous BW are virtually HATED by their own men to the point they are often the unfortunate beneficiaries of internal colorism (i.e racism) in the Black community. We all know that this can create  self-esteem issues with dark BW and even ANIMOSTY towards those Black women who they feel are getting that love based on superficial things that cannot be changed.


Animosity is a NATURAL emotion to feel when you are constantly berated and compared to others and made to feel not up to “snuff” based on something you cannot change (your skin color, features). Especially when the people doing the damage LOOK JUST LIKE YOU!


So I am acknowledging that animosity is real and NATURAL because we are human beings!


But there comes a point when you CLAIM to let go and move on, that you do just that. Because festering animosity that isn’t dealt with in a healthy manner will make you bitter, toxic and baggage ridden.


AND that leads me to my next point….




Every year more and more BW are awakening to the dysfunctions of the black community and the dysfunctional unhealthy relationships most BW find themselves in in regards to Black men. More and more BW are speaking up and out. And these BW are now feeling safe to say they are going to cross the color lines and open themselves up to other races of men.




Here is what is not so GRRREAT and what you need to be very careful of in terms of what you are internalizing.


*SOME* of These BW are ANGRY, FRSUTRATED, and BITTER. *SOME* of These BW have not dealt with their animosity towards light and bi racial BW. *some* of these BW have not gotten the MEMO that it aint that type of party in the IR dating arena (men having preferences based on who is more mixed looking etc). These BW see them (bi racial/light women) as the enemy because their minds are STILL STUCK ON BLACK COMMUNITY NONSENSE. These BW are still held imprisoned by BLACK MEN’S PREFERENCES and they create forums and such to get other BW aboard their bitter express trains LEADING TO NO FUCKING WHERE.


I’m telling you right now, if you truly want to meet, mate and have a healthy solid interracial relationship paring with a quality man of another race –STAY AWAY FROM THESE TOXIC HATEFUL AND BITTER BW!


These women *SAY* and claim they are ready to move onto greener pastures. Yet their blogs, posts, pages are filled with TOXIC rhetoric that goes back to the black communities dysfunctional colorism nonsense.


Instead of these women seeing the forest, they still stuck on the colorism tree. They cannot seem to understand that in the IR global arena, there are different rules. And those rules have very little to do (for BW) with skin shade, admixtures etc. like they do with Black men.


Some of these BW are on a hell path because they “wanna stick it to these light/bi racial women” who have “stole their throne”. LOL. You can be that chick if you want to. And you will be that chick who will be bypassed by quality Non Black men who cannot afford to have that kind of silly nonsense in his life or around his future children.


Look around at the BW who are in IR’s. When you see them happy, smiling and being care free, these are the BW who have truly LET GO. They don’t feel competition from light, bi racial women because they knew they were starting with a clean SLATE when they decided to expand their dating pool. They know the man that is on their arm is with them because he loves and appreciates HER in her skin as she is.


They don’t need to sit on forums, blogs and Facebook ranting and raving and foaming at the mouth about who aint black and who really is and who is wearing faux dreadlocks and who is erasing folks, who BM are obsessing over, yada yada.


Think about it. Look around you. Ask yourself. Are the truly care free happy butterflies of BW who are happily BAE’D up arguing over this nonsense? Are they even bothered by it? By the looks of them happy, smiling and being loved and adored – I’d wager no.


Do you think these truly happy and loved and cherished BW have time to nit-pick who is black and who aint really black and all that other nonsense?


Do you think these women are fully aware that if they cross the color lines and have children they will be bi racial? And these bi racial kids of their DESERVE  and will need every bit of LOVE, ADMIRATION and REINFORCEMENT from their Black mothers and that, if there is any kind of issues in regards to bi racial that would be a difficult task to do if those issues are not dealt with in a healthy manner?



Here’s the reality. There are A LOT of angry, hurt and damaged Black women out there. These BW have found a new outlet to try to “escape” but they can’t really seem to escape. Because when you have baggage that you do not deal with in a healthy manner, you will drag it to you go.  And you will also collect others with that same baggage. And what you are left with is a big clusterfuck of damaged baggage ridden women trying to convince themselves and everyone else they are and have moved on to greener pastures when really they are still stuck knee deep . in MANUER.


DO NOT BE THAT BLACK WOMAN. Stay care-free, drama-free and happy. TRAVEL, LIVE ABROAD. Get away from these crazies in the USA (lol).  You will attract people to you who love and adore you for who you are. You will not have to worry about colorism and feeling less than if you choose your friends, mates and circles wisely.


I am not saying Neecy’s Nest is the place for you. It may very well not be and my views may not be for you as well. I am saying be careful and critical about what you are participating in as a BW even if it’s MY BLOG), because there is a lot to get caught up in. If you want to be care free and happy go out and live your life and do not get caught up in the BS.


Stay away from troublemaking divisive  HATEFUL Black women.  They don’t truly seem to understand how to gain allies. The only thing they are competing against is each other to  see who can spew the most bitter rhetoric and get the most high-fives from it.


DO NOT BE THAT BLACK WOMAN. I do not care how hurt you feel, unappreciated. Seek some kind of help and ways to deal with those feelings  IN HEALTHY WAYS before you venture into any relationship.



27 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Silverroxen
    Dec 13, 2015 @ 07:45:58

    First I want to say you look gorgeous. 🙂
    Second, I knew you were going to write about this.
    Whenever that topic comes up I think back to your IR dating and Colorism post and your post Hard Truths post.
    Third, I remember that post “My issues wth some BWE blogs and IR dating”‘; I refer to that one often also. (They think the fix is to date across color lines)

    I am concerned about this too because I feel that many women with this mindset were also those women who felt that that HAD to date IR beause of BM. I’ve seen it several times in many different comment sections “Well if BM didn’t….we wouldn’t have to date out”. So yes I feel that many black women are doing this out of necessity.

    I first ventured onto these blogs when I was 14/15 years old and I can of had an aha moment and realized that I was very attracted to white guys (and later Asian and Hispanic men) So, I went on the Internet looking for validation (the worse thing you can do). I found Topix forums and this one blog by a BM; they were horrible. They were putting down black women’s features and stereotyping and that blog pretty much was a BM who said only certain looking BW can attract WM (which was a lie because most of the women in the list who couldn’t attract WM, were dating/ dated or married to a WM), truthfully he just didn’t want any other men dating BW.
    I decided to find a website for BWIR and I found Interracial Intersection, then I found Elegance’s blog, through her blog I found BBW, NYGF, and your blog. Then, I found BWE blogs (Khadija’s, Sara’s, Halima’s.etc.) and Evia’s blog.

    So I’ve pretty much have always been interested in IR dating and reading these blogs just put another spin to it (message for IR dating: BW need to date out lol!). Currently it seems likes whenever there is conversation about men (white in particular) dating black women some of us have to note that we prefer or always have been attracted to them because of those black women who say WE HAVE to because of you know who.

    It’s frustrating, but gradually I’m gravitating away from BC discussions on these blogs, forums, and pages. I usually read these type of articles, (maybe) a few comments, and leave to read something positive. Heck, I currently live in a predominantly black area and I don’t know what’s going on with the BC, unless I watch the news or read these blogs that claim to have moved on.

    You’re not the only one, albeit for different reasons.

    Sorry for the long comment, this has been on my mind for a while after I saw you on one of the FB pages and you got some backlash.



    • Neecy
      Dec 13, 2015 @ 12:17:30


      Thanks for the compliment babe 😚 I’m experimenting with all kinds of new make up and my new thing is colored eye liner and mascara. Lol

      Anyway, am so glad you can at an early age see the writing on the wall. and that is so funny that feminine brown girl made that post. I think it’s becoming clear to a lot of well meaning BW who just want to be happy that they have to step away and re-evaluate what they are internalizing and reading.

      Even I have to check myself on my own blog when I feel I am being a Debbie downer! I can sometimes depress my own self. That is why intake long breaks from posting because there is so much negative stuff out there if I am not careful I, too can get caught up.

      I am trying to get to a place where on this blog I move into a more happier care-free realm. I’m trying to figure out the things I can write about where I can be informative YET still foster a more happy care free environment for my followers.



      • Neecy
        Dec 13, 2015 @ 12:24:59

        In regards to that favebook page. *sigh* many BW just don’t get it and they are just muddying the waters with their bitterness. They have the audacity to nit pick other interracial unions and their kids as dysfunctional without being able to look at their own views and see how they are not that much different from the BM, AW, WW, AND WM who carry their unresolved issues into IRS further messing up their children from these unions who have to figure out ways as adult to overcome the baaggae their own parents dumped on them out of selfishness.

        I was pointing,out the SIMILARIITES in many BWs discussions and obsessions with bi racial women and how this will and can cause problems if they do not understand that a lot of what they are suggesting is PROBLEMATIC when kids become involved.

        I mean thee were BW on there literally going on and on about racial purity, how our DNA is superior and how black people this and that – IN THE SAME BREATH these women think they are prime candidates for interracial relationships? LMAO




        • Silverroxen
          Dec 13, 2015 @ 13:20:45

          I knew I heard that term before, how about that cognitive dissonance is a psychology term.

          I wholeheartedly agree. These women are still invested in the BC, if they weren’t they would be focusing on what black women could do to work together and do what is best for black girls now and our future children who will without a doubt be biracial. Instead they are worried about biracial women, other women, and BM.
          Heck I just checked out the blog Black Women Moving On and you should she her first page.



          • Neecy
            Dec 13, 2015 @ 22:06:53

            blockquote>These women are still invested in the BC, if they weren’t they would be focusing on what black women could do to work together and do what is best for black girls now and our future children who will without a doubt be biracial.

            EXACTLY! These are the kinds of discussions Pro IR BW need to be fostering amongst ourselves. If there is to be an increase in healthy IR’s amongst BW we need to have platforms and spaces to discuss how we plan to navigate and create healthy environments for our children.

            This is where Black people in general are cursed. We cannot seem to focus on the important stuff that matters. We get caught up in emotional drama BS that really will not improve our lives – emotional drama like who is Black and who aint Black. WTH does that matter if you are a BW supposedly “moving on” and turning in your Black community membership.

            instead of having serious discussions about how we as BW can continue to grow and create spaces for ourselves and future bi racial children, we want to continue to fuss and fight over stuff that isn’t moving us forward.

            And thank you for posting her blog. She has the RIGHT idea. Not all BW want to be caught up in this petty nonsense. some of us have bigger fish to fry!



      • Silverroxen
        Dec 13, 2015 @ 13:16:57

        Yes that was four years ago when I discovered those blogs, I had just turned 14, now I’m 18.

        “I am trying to get to a place where on this blog I move into a more happier care-free realm. I’m trying to figure out the things I can write about where I can be informative YET still foster a more happy care free environment for my followers.”

        I think you are doing great so far with your posts on strategy. The blogs I posted (Young Brown and Feminine and Black Women Moving On), tend to mix up their content with strategy and how black women can improve their life in other ways i.e. femininity, learning languages, healthy lifestyle etc. Maybe you could write about the things you are interested in, I know that you stated before that you love makeup. I personally enjoyed reading your old posts on relationships and a few you did on femininity.



        • Neecy
          Dec 13, 2015 @ 22:10:27

          Great advice Silver! Yes maybe that is the direction I should focus on. I’m really into health and beauty now (oh I am about to do a rant/post on a recent Instagram experience). LOL



  2. Silverroxen
    Dec 13, 2015 @ 08:37:25

    About the part regarding allies, it reminded me of this post AGAIN!

    The responses by Kim is what I’m referring to; although I don’t entirely agree with them (especially about BW in the past being resistant to dating/marrying IR) she is mostly right.
    ” Rev Vasquez talked about forming alliances with individuals and other ethnic groups and making sure there is reciprocity. And she went into depth in this area.
    And this is the area that African American women have the biggest problem with even more than African American men because black men can move smoothly among many groups in this country but black American women have a serious problem adjusting to outsiders and are the most isolated women in this country.
    Haitians, West Indians and Latin black women don’t have a problem here, somehow they always appear friendlier to non-blacks than African American women who rarely leave the comfort zone of their ethnic group and always appear to be uptight when dealing with non-blacks and foreigners.
    And this is what we are really seeing on their sites, the inability to deal with people who are not like them. They need to see what they are doing wrong; and this is why often most of the black women married to non-black men belong to the foreign black groups.”

    Several times Evia has even talked about AA women needing allies and being organized (I found most of these comments on NYGF discussions).

    Here’s one:

    This is the most recent one.
    The comment starts with “I’m talking about this PUBLIC, babbling behavior where AA women are broadcasting…”. I had copied it somewhere, but I only want to post a portion and not the whole comment.



  3. Neecy
    Dec 13, 2015 @ 12:56:00

    Right now we have a growing crop of disgruntled YOUNG WISHY WASHY BW who are making a bad name for themselves. And as more and more IR dating happens we will see an increase. I’m not going to sit quiet as they continue to ruin the reputations of BW who are trying to move on and create healthier paths for young BW.

    I understand young BW today are in a unique situation. But BW aren’t even savvy enough to see how they complain about the sister soldiers in the black community, but they can’t see they are just another form of sister soldiers themselves who ARE NOT READY.

    Prime example – that black female rapper Azalea Banks. ANNOYIBG AS HELL and typical of the current crop of confused wushu washy so called “pro interracial BW” who are still sister soldiering. In one breath she’s doing interviews in Playboy magazine bitching about White hemenogy and DA WHITE MAN. Next she’s on radio stations crying about BM not supporting black female rappers like they do white ones. Next she’s on Twitter saying how she hates White men (in response to the Ferguson case). Next we see her all boo’d up with a white guy and jumping on the IR bandwagon and starts dating a White guy after she realizes her tears and crying about how BM would rather support white female rappers were met with ZERO FUKS GIVEN responses by black people. So she runs out and starts dating s white guy to make a statement. Then next thing I see she is on Twitter ONCE AGAIN BITCHING about Hollywood never making movies with a black man as a hero and how white people won’t ever make movies about positive black role models…. YADA YADA.

    Ex-haus-tinnnnnng! Lol

    SHE is the prime example of confused TOXIC and damaged BW who are still sister soldiers who flip flop between being pro black and pro IR depending on how the wind is blowing that day.

    These women are cropping up in full force and they are dangerous the to healthy BW who have truly moved on.

    These women don’t want to let go of their obsessions with making BM love them. So they struggle between trying to make a statement by claiming to be “PRO IT” and still trying to sister soldier at the same time.




    • Silverroxen
      Dec 13, 2015 @ 13:53:31

      We talked about that on BBW regarding K Michelle. Whenever black women talk about fighting white hegemony, I think about that post over on the Sojourner’s Passport, then I just smh. This sounds like a blog post I read somewhere about the types of black women who date interracially; one of the types was a black women who feels guilty about marrying a white man, but she always talks about how she still loves you know who and another one was the snowflake.

      I do feel bad about that though because often the black women who date and marry interracilly tend to be black women of other ethnicities. Wheres AA women are seen as a monolith. Has anyone else noticed this? Its something I have observed, but I didn’t know whether I should discuss it.

      Being problack and proIR, definitely do not mix (just look at you know who). Besides, its better to be problack women and before that pro self. 🙂



      • Neecy
        Dec 13, 2015 @ 22:17:24

        Yes African American BW are the last of the mohikans in terms of embracing diversity in our lives in terms of dating/socializing compared to other cultures of BW.

        I do think however a lot of that stems from how different our histories are in different countries. BW have had a pretty rough history here in America and I don’t think our image or womanhood has ever fully recovered from it.

        It seems when we started finally getting our footing on embracing our femininity and being seen as such (70s and 80’s – these are the only eras I can speak about since I grew up in these eras), we were slapped back down once hip hop took a turn for the worse and gangster rap and hood rap started hitting mainstream. That is when we definitely as BW took a major blow to our womanhood and we have not really recovered since – that is, up until now as little by little more of us are starting to see the writing on the wall and how we keep getting bamboozled into revoking our woman card.

        The problem is we have so many BW working AGAINST their own womanhood that its going to take a lot of infighting and longer for us to really make strides.

        And yes there is nothing more grating and annoying than those BW who date interracially but need to make sure they shout all kinds of disclaimers about how they “still be loving their brothers”. UGH! It brings me back to an En Vogue song (soul girl group from the 80’s who were very feminine and talented). The song was called “Free your mind” and one verse the singer says “I might date another, race or color, that doesn’t mean I don’t like, my strong black brothers”.

        Uhm I guess for back then in the late 80’s early 90’s it may not have been so bad, but when was the last time you have heard a Black man make disclaimers about his dealing with Non Black women trying to make BW feel comfy about the fact “they still love us”. NE-VERRRRR.



    • Pumpkin
      Dec 18, 2015 @ 00:11:19

      I don’t think it’s cognitive dissonance because you can criticize the system of white supremacy and speak against it and still date outside your race based on individuality of the person you’re dating.

      I don’t see any problem with Azealia Banks speaking her mind.



  4. Neecy
    Dec 13, 2015 @ 13:06:27

    When you are serious about doing something YOU DO IT without the fan fare. Be cautious of any BW who suddenly start grandstanding about being pro IR.

    They are usually the biggest SISTER SOLDIERS WALKING. It will be just a matter of time before they fall back on their pro black rhetoric.

    Sorry being pro black and trying to date non black men DO NOT MIX!

    You can live yourself and have a healthy view of who you are as a BW without being a “watered down sister soldier”.

    A lot of pro IR preach dating and marrying well. Do you think any man if any means wants some sister soldiering BW as a long term mate? No!

    You can talk about race and all that but the way some of these BW are carrying on not even I a black woman would want to be bothered with them.



  5. Rachel
    Dec 13, 2015 @ 13:32:56

    I think it is clear there is confusion among IR black women who call themselves feminist. I see it on FB pages. They are in a unique situation at the writer says. As for mixed women, I do see a bit too much focus on them as they are a minority. Same for lighter women. It is terrible to be between a rock and a hard place. To be looked down on by your own men (in general) , call out colorism that does go on yet still want to date out and open up your option. So glad I did not grow up in America.



    • Silverroxen
      Dec 13, 2015 @ 14:24:48

      “I think it is clear there is confusion among IR black women who call themselves feminist. I see it on the FB pages.”

      Wow I didn’t even think about that! That’s really the only black women (feminists) who I see talk about this.



    • Neecy
      Dec 13, 2015 @ 22:27:37

      Hi Rachael,

      Yes BW these days (those who are trying to follow new and different paths) are stuck between a rock and hard place. But the smart ones have learned how to get out of that spot. And there is only two ways:

      (1) Continue to try to make things work with Black men and the Black community and continue to take the abuse that comes along with that

      (2) SEVER.THE.TIES!

      That’s it. That is why I am making this post calling out the BW who are trying to straddle the fence of continuing to focus on BC issues while also trying to remove themselves from the dysfunction. You can’t play two sides of the fence here. And thi sis what so many BW fail to see. It’s one or the other. You either SEVER ties with the Black community which means severing all the dysfunctional and common BS that comes along with it (colorism etc) or you stay in it and try doing what you can to survive.

      that. is it. So while BW may find themselves stuck between a rock and hard place, there are solutions to that as well. many BW want to still try to play both sides of the fence – HENCE the wishy washy back and forth on trying to be Pro Black and Pro IR at the same time.

      AINT gonna work!

      BTW Rachael, if you don’t mind sharing, where did you grow up?



  6. neurochick
    Dec 15, 2015 @ 12:12:36

    LOL, I was wondering when you were going to post about this. I saw your comment on Facebook; I think you said, “you do realize that if you have a child with a white man, that child will be biracial?” or something. I think the people were going off on Zendaya.

    But you are correct. You can’t have it both ways, you can’t say “I’m divorcing myself from BC dysfunction” and carry that dysfunction along with you. But like they say, “wherever you go, there you are.”



    • Neecy
      Dec 15, 2015 @ 15:20:30

      EXACTLY. so many BW who sit quietly whole these watered down sister soldiers bring that divisive colorist nonsense where it doesn’t belong, will eventually see how all that same crap will be issues in the IR community.

      These new crops of young BW popping up are nothing but WATERED DOWN SISTER SOLDIERS. They talk a good game, but their true intentions and colors start showing eventually.

      These women have FEAR of anyone who they think is going to be an obstacle to their love lives etc.

      What their sorry behinds can’t see because they are so blinded by their own insecurities is that the place they are trying to go (non black men) these men DOO NOT DISTINGUISH based on skin color, hair texture and mixtures!

      That is what I keep trying to tell their sorry asses. But they don’t want to hear that because they have a serious mission to somehow stick it to,light/bi racial women out of their own feelings of inferiority.

      Smart BW would be wise to start calling these women out before they ruin the interracial market with this bullshit.

      I will continue use to call the, out because they are just adding the to horrible image of BW as nothing but pretty, mean and angry and always looking to be in confrontation with others.



      • neurochick
        Dec 16, 2015 @ 06:38:37

        Exactly. Non black men see you as black, whether you’re dark skinned or light skinned, to them you’re black, period, end of story.

        Too many of these women feel insecure, and I get that, I do because the media, the society we live in says that the whiter you are, the more beautiful you are, and the media has a screwed up vision of femininity. However going off on biracial or lighter skinned black women doesn’t do anything but make yourself seem petty. Nobody wants to be with a woman who’s always scowling, who always has something negative to say about somebody.



        • Neecy
          Dec 17, 2015 @ 18:47:28

          Yes I get it. BLACK WOMEN IN GENERAL are told they are not good enough. Doesn’t matter if they are dark or light.

          But it’s time to get the hell over it.the world is run by non blacks. Blacks have no infrastructure or real power to claim any kind of stakes. We are pretty much existing and praying that the powers that be do t get a wild hair up their asses and decide to completely shut us off. This can be done.

          AS long as Blacks have no power structure, no infrastructure beauty ideals will remain focused on the women who come from the movers and shakers.

          And the reason why BW feel it,over BM is because non blacks need their men to be overall attracted to their race of women if they want to stay in power.

          Nowhere EVER will Black beauty be celebrated like forms of non black beauty because it is not in line with keeping power structures in place.

          It’s time to get the hell over it and simply do what you can as a BW to live the most fullest and happiest life possible that you can.

          The reality is women in general like confrontation. And if any woman feels other women are getting more than their fair share, they will try to figure out ways to take their anger and frustrations out on those women instead of dealing with the source.

          I’m not fooled one bit by this new “direction” to create boundaries. It’s really about their inferiority complexes and need to scapegoat light/bi racial women for being celebrated for beauty ideals that fit closer to non blacks and how self hating BM have chosen the path of least resistance and have placed these kinds of women on the pedestal.

          Do they think kicking out light and bi racials will solve any of these problems? NO.



  7. Black Peech
    Dec 27, 2015 @ 12:19:40

    I will never understand why black people focus so much on dating let alone interracial dating. I honestly feel like a lot of black women have no business being with anyone until they work on themselves. Asian women date out the most and you don’t see them boosting about it, making Facebook pages and YouTube channels about their non-asian partners. They do it silently and keep it moving. I don’t care what anyone says you can’t be pro-black and married/dating non black men especially white men that makes absolutely no sense. I side eye the hell out of black men who preach about ending white supremacy but lay up with their white partners at night. The same goes for black women who do the same. I just can’t take them seriously because there will always be a conflict of interest. I know this from both experience and observing friends and family members who are in interracial relationships. The end up assimilating more into their partners culture and let’s not get it twisted there are plenty of white men who are with black women who are racist as hell. This I don’t understand either. I’m personally am no longer attracted to WM but I’m open to dating other men of color. I’ve birthed a black daughter so I’ve reached my pro-black quota and I’m don’t plan on bringing anymore kids in this messed up world. If I’m ever in a relationship with a non-black man you won’t be seeing me shouting it from the mountain tops that just seems so corny to me. If I didn’t do that when I was dating BM and BW why would I make an exception.



  8. Silverroxen
    Jan 17, 2016 @ 12:31:40

    A few of the comments in this post is related to the topic at hand, specifically Evia’s and Felicia’s @ March 25 7:00 am & 1:00 pm.



  9. Eji
    Feb 10, 2016 @ 09:53:30

    I am super late to this post, but I have to drop you a line and say bless you! I especially like your point that you do NOT need to insult or belittle others in other to come up or get an advantage, it only makes you look even more petty and bitter. I tried to bring this up one time and got called a traitor for apparently “defending” the “others”. People have been getting on for years at the expense of BW, sure, but they don’t discuss it and rant about it and bitch and moan about it. they just about it. BW need to follow an example that has been working for years and just be about their lives, discounting what everybody else has to say, especially if its negative (sometimes you may even need to also disregard (?) the positive, if it distracts you)
    Also, Therapy!!!!
    As for non-blks, seeing blks, as ALL the same, completely agree. Also tried to have this exact same conversation with a person who tried to convince me that non-Blk males, only want to date none AABW, not “real” AABW. …… in America? I said they notice the accent, but other than that, all they see is Black and/or “the person HERSELF”



  10. Golden Hazel
    Feb 11, 2016 @ 16:13:48

    Hello Neecy thank you for this! I’m so glad you are speaking out on this issue. I noticed a lot of disdain for lighter skin black women on some popular bwe sites. Like one I recently visited the site had a piece on beyonce’s new formation video. The writer went on to say quote “How can she be black power with a blonde wig on LMAO ” unquote. Another commenter on the site said beyonce was inarticulate and basically ghetto. Beyonce is from the south and people from south don’t talk like damn news anchors. These women are petty and sound like damaged black men. They constantly distance themselves from lower class black women like myself. I also notice they love saying I’m not like those black women because I’m so articulate and I’m nothing like ghetto lower class black women. They jump to shade lighter skin black women. What these women don’t understand that sometimes it’s not about having lighter skin sometimes it’s about hair texture and having narrow features which not all light skin women have. I have 4c hair wide nose and full lips. I don’t have silky wavy hair it’s a lie that all light skin women have these features. Light black women skin women don’t really have it that much better.



    • SilverRoxen
      Feb 19, 2016 @ 08:08:50

      The blog that you speaking of isn’t BWE, it is an IR blog with posts on empowerment for black women though, its not a part of that group of blogs. I will say I thought that comment was odd. I comment on that blog often and I’m also not from the same background (I am also from the South) as many of the women on there and recently I felt out of place because of that, but I’m also probably the youngest there also.



  11. TK
    Jun 05, 2016 @ 17:26:14

    I haven’t read many of the blogs you’re talking about but I follow someone on Facebook who talks about these things. I think she & her followers aren’t necessarily concerned with the black community but with the the state of black women who are still dwelling within the black community. If I ever have children they will be biracial for sure but I still feel bad for dark skinned black women who are told they are “too black” and I still get pissed by “Pretty for a dark skinned girl” comments. (I never get those from white people, only blacks).

    I think it’s possible to love all shades but still be concerned that some shades of women are treated as less attractive or erased from television, media etc. I love the Mowry twins AND Tika Sumpter. I long for the early 90’s when we got to see dark/light combos like Gina & Pam or Sidney & Sherayne (probably mispelled that). We don’t have to be divided. After all light-skinned & biracials experienced slavery & Jim Crow too.

    But yea I agree we need positive posts like you said too. And whoever thinks Beyonce is less black for wearing blond hair needs to sit down somewhere.



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