- The state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change
- “To hell with the Black community and its dysfunctional crap! I’m moving on to greener pastures and opening myself up to other races of men and HEADIN FO THE NORTH STAR. If BW dark skinned BW wanna save themselves and have a chance at healthy relationships and families then we better start recognizing that non-Black men are the key. Stop wasting your time and energy on Black men who don’t appreciate you and your dark skin. ”
*5 seconds later*
- “Look at all these watered down Black women BM keep slobbering over! UGH. I’m so sick of the colorism and dysfunction in the Black community. These women aint real sisters. Black men hate themselves and they just keep trying to erase “REAL” Black women by trying to pass of their watered down bi racial and light women as Black. That’s why I’m moving on from these self-hating Negroes!”
- *10 seconds later”
- *5 seconds later*
- UGH! Why are all these bi racial women always trying to COP what we have and then get recognition for it!. These bi racial women trying to erase us and always getting SHINE for wearing our hair styles and looks? Oh look at this chick again with her faux locks stealing BW’s beauty! Why has this bi racial chick gotten a doll for wearing faux locks? Aint a regular non ambiguous BW in sight! NEVER in their stories, movies, pic, songs etc. They are trying to erase us! These BM hate themselves so bad that all they want is these Non Black watered down bi racial looking BW. That’s why I have moved on and encourage other sisters to do the same.”
- *10 seconds later*
- BI RACIAL WOMEN AINT BLACK and they don’t represent me! I am sick of these women ERASING me as a Black woman. Stop letting these women steal your throne as a Black woman! That is why I have moved onto non Black men who can better appreciate a real BW. Do not let these bi racial and light skinned BW steal your throne! I am sick of them always stealing our shine as Black women. THEY AINT BLACK!”
- 5 seconds
- “Yeah I know I will have a bi racial child if I marry a Non BM – AND??”
- 2 sec later
- “Black men have been erasing BW since the beginning of time. Racially pure BW need to start standing up and stop letting light and bi racial women erase us!”
- 2 seconds later
- “Yeah I know I will have a bi racial child if I marry a non BM – AND?????”
This nonsense is exhausting for me as a BW, imagine what it must look like to some unsuspecting Non BM who might be open to dating BW.
Can you imagine the shit that would go through his head about our sanity?
I really want you to think critically about what I’m saying. Don’t just read the words but really critically think about what I am about to write here.
My first instruction: DO NOT BE A TEXTBOOK CASE OF COGNITIVE DISSONANCE that so many Pro IR BW are.
These women are borderline cray. They are clearly not well and not in any position to have any kind of healthy relationship with ANYONE.
Are they crazy for wanting to uplift themselves and create some sort of boundaries? No. Bu its seeped in hate and bitterness is the problem. You can uplift yourself and beauty without always harping on others.
It goes back to my post about the sales representative who has a GREAT product. If your product is THAT GREAT you won’t ever need to bash the competition. You will not go into a sales meeting berating your competitor to get what you want. You will only be successful by focusing on YOUR AMAZING PRODUCTS qualities without the bashing.
If your competitor has a 90% share of the market, you will not win people over by being bitter and hateful about the fact that your product is only used 10% of the time. if you want to grow your market share, you do it by pointing out the great qualities of your product and not spending time and energy bitching about the competitor with a 90% market share over you.
SAME THING! Black women are not going to win any likes from outsiders by bashing the competition who has a greater share over us in terms of beauty ideals and love. That is just the way TIT TIS and many of these BW are not MATURE enough to handle that in a graceful manner.
And their views are also problematic because you cannot be so PRO BLACK WOMAN and then turn around and date/marry and have the very children you have issues with. I keep hammering this point home because I do not think these BW have the wherewithal to really see and dissect their beliefs and how problematic they are to their goals of achieving relationship “bliss” with non Black men.
On one hand they want to hold onto this idea of PURE Blackness and but still date and marry and pro create with Non BM. They want to *CLAIM* they are done with BM, but every turn they are talking about what BM like; they are still meddling in Black community dysfunction, BUT CLAIMING to have MOVED ONTO GREENER PASTURES in the global community.
They want Non Black men, but not the offspring that comes from Non Black men (or rather have serious issues with the types of offspring from these unions). They claim they are done with BM, but can’t keep BM and BM’s preferences out of their mouths.
They can’t stand Bi racial women (or feel bi racial women are an obstacle in terms of black beauty), but are aware that’s who they will be pushing out if they date and marry across the color lines. They claim to be progressive, but still talking about old tired shit that has been around in the BC for centuries. I could go on.
These women are trouble makers and they are going to bring those negative things from the Black community into their IRs (if any man in his right mind decides to even pursue their crazy behinds). And they are sucking in other young impressionable BW in the process.
If these were PRO Black love, Pro Black KANG Black women saying and doing this, I wouldn’t bat an eye because it would make sense to me that they would do this. But when I see and hear so called pro IR talking like this, I see some serious PROBLEMS ahead.
This is why I am telling you – GET YOUR MIND RIGHT before you even THINK about crossing any lines to date ANYONE. The Black women who are thriving and living healthy and happy lives with their Non Black partners and children are not sitting around blabbering about the BS that these so called PRO IR Black women are. They are not creating divides based on skin shade. WHY? Cause they dun GOT THEIRS!
They are not sitting around day in and day out bitching about BM’s preferences, whose black and who aint black enough, one drop rules and all that other stupid shit that NO ONE expect crazy dysfunctional baggage ridden Black people care about!
If you truly are ready to date IR, you will understand that you will have to somehow, someway find a happy medium where you can still love and embrace yourself as a BW and also be able to raise HEALTHY well-adjusted bi racial children (girls especially). I am dead serious.
Many of these baggage ridden BW are selfish and can’t seem to see the forest for the trees. They feel no choice other than to date IR, but they also don’t like the idea of the offspring from these unions because they see them as an OBSTACLE to their Black womanhood.
Unless they have no plans of pro creating, these women are going to take these issues and dump them onto their unsuspecting POOR non-Black partners and bi racial kids. MARK.MY.WORDS.
Just because you think you are ready for something, doesn’t mean YOU ARE. There are a Bunch of BW who need to find a stadium and have sev-er-alllll seats before they even think about dating anyone.
These women are DAMAGED and ANGRY. They think the fix to that is dating across the color lines, YET they aint even ready to deal with the animosity they have for the very women and children they will be creating with their non-Black partners.
BE CAREFUL AND CRITICAL OF WHO YOU LISTEN TO
That may very well be me for some of you. If it is, no love lost. I have never gone into something with the intentions of being FAKE or TRY HARD to garner brownie points, high-fives and pats on the head. I have and am a very COMPLEX person with varying degrees of viewpoints. I’m the kind of person that if things are going awry in my life, the FIRST person I look to is MYSELF and I try to dissect the areas and things that I have done to contribute to where I am at in my life. And I also hold others to that standard.
But I also realize that, that way of thinking doesn’t translate to most people , because most people like to be victims and never hold themselves accountable for their thoughts and actions that *MAY* be contributing to the issues in their lives.
It’s very easy to be a victim. It takes a lot of heart to look at yourself and START with SELF when it comes to dealing with the not so great things in your life.
It takes A LOT to say “I have issues and I need to work on them because I truly want to be happy and attract like for myself”.
I don’t do this for money (at least not yet) nor do I do it because I need everyone to love and like me and my views. This blog is my place of sanctuary to get things off my chest that *I* want to let out.
That’s just how I roll. I call a spade a spade even when the shit is uncomfortable and puts me in a position of being side eyed by those who aint ready to hear some UNCOMFORTABLE TROOFS.
I’m not, never have and NEVER WILL be everyone’s cup o tea and I am OTAY with that. Neecy is going to say her peace and point be it popular or not.
YOU’RE STARTING WITH A CLEAN CANVAS AND SLATE – DO NOT LET ANYONE DUMP THEIR CRAP ON IT
If you are a young DARK SKINNED UNAMBIGUOUS BW excited about opening yourself up to men of other races, then you have made the first step to freedom as a BW. I don’t need to go into detail of why. You already know.
But here is something that you may not *REALIZE*. The moment you decided to give yourself a chance at being loved, appreciated, and given the chance at healthy relationships that revolve around your individuality and NOT some “standard” of beauty that you do not nor will ever fit, you have started with a CLEAN SLATE. The minute you said “I’m so done with the Black community and black men and its lack of value it has for BW like myself and others who look like me” AND MEANT IT – you have given yourself a clean slate.
Once you decide to walk away from the MATRIX and break the chains YOU HAVE GIVEN YOURSELF A CLEAN SLATE.
Do not muddy and mess up your clean canvas by internalizing the toxic dysfunction of other BW who claim to be on that same path. Listen to what they are saying and watch what they are doing. Are they really on that path for reasons they say or are they BW who are going down that path out of “necessity” and not true desire?
Why do you start with a clean slate when you TRULY desire to remove yourself from dysfunctional Black people’s nonsense? Because in the global arena, most men of other races see Black as Black. You don’t have to bleach your skin or turn yourself into a pretzel to fit an ideal. You are already BLACK and they have already come to terms with that and that alone.
You can try to argue with me on this, but that is just the REALITY and FACTS. In this country the one drop rule has been so imbedded in the psyches of everyone that most people would agree today that anyone with any kind of Black aesthetic is BLACK. This may very well change in the future BUT FOR NOW, this is what it is, whether you like it or not.
What this means for you as a dark skinned unambiguous Black woman is crossing the color lines, is you are not up against competing with light, bi racial Black women for non-Black men based on SKIN SHADE, ADMIXTURES, HAIR TEXTURES etc. YES! You are on EQUAL footing in the interracial arena with Black women who in the Black community are seen superior based on skin tone, hair texture and admixture.
JUST TRSUT ME ON THIS! LOL I don’t have WM who post here but maybe one – his name is Mike. In my last post on this topic he confirmed what I said in regards to this.
I have been on this earth 40 something years. TRUST ME when I tell you that most Non ethnic Non BM could give a rat’s ass Black women’s admixtures or lack thereof when choosing to date us. They see us all the same – as BLACK. That includes “Blackish” looking bi racial women. If they are brown skinned with Black aesthetic THEY ARE BI RACIAL but they will be viewed and perceived as BLACK.
And if a NON Black man doesn’t want to date a BLACK WOMAN, he will not date ANY BLACK WOMAN no matter if she is mixed and “blackish looking”, light skinned or dark. He will not make exceptions for even MIXED or half Black women because in THIS SOCIETY TODAY anyone who looks Black IS BLACK to them.
NOW. We all know this is not the same playing field for BW of varying shades in the Black community. We all know that dark skinned unambiguous BW are virtually HATED by their own men to the point they are often the unfortunate beneficiaries of internal colorism (i.e racism) in the Black community. We all know that this can create self-esteem issues with dark BW and even ANIMOSTY towards those Black women who they feel are getting that love based on superficial things that cannot be changed.
Animosity is a NATURAL emotion to feel when you are constantly berated and compared to others and made to feel not up to “snuff” based on something you cannot change (your skin color, features). Especially when the people doing the damage LOOK JUST LIKE YOU!
So I am acknowledging that animosity is real and NATURAL because we are human beings!
But there comes a point when you CLAIM to let go and move on, that you do just that. Because festering animosity that isn’t dealt with in a healthy manner will make you bitter, toxic and baggage ridden.
AND that leads me to my next point….
BEWARE OF TOXIC, BITTER, ANGRY BLACK WOMEN WHO ARE TRYING TO ENTER THE IR
Every year more and more BW are awakening to the dysfunctions of the black community and the dysfunctional unhealthy relationships most BW find themselves in in regards to Black men. More and more BW are speaking up and out. And these BW are now feeling safe to say they are going to cross the color lines and open themselves up to other races of men.
Here is what is not so GRRREAT and what you need to be very careful of in terms of what you are internalizing.
*SOME* of These BW are ANGRY, FRSUTRATED, and BITTER. *SOME* of These BW have not dealt with their animosity towards light and bi racial BW. *some* of these BW have not gotten the MEMO that it aint that type of party in the IR dating arena (men having preferences based on who is more mixed looking etc). These BW see them (bi racial/light women) as the enemy because their minds are STILL STUCK ON BLACK COMMUNITY NONSENSE. These BW are still held imprisoned by BLACK MEN’S PREFERENCES and they create forums and such to get other BW aboard their bitter express trains LEADING TO NO FUCKING WHERE.
I’m telling you right now, if you truly want to meet, mate and have a healthy solid interracial relationship paring with a quality man of another race –STAY AWAY FROM THESE TOXIC HATEFUL AND BITTER BW!
These women *SAY* and claim they are ready to move onto greener pastures. Yet their blogs, posts, pages are filled with TOXIC rhetoric that goes back to the black communities dysfunctional colorism nonsense.
Instead of these women seeing the forest, they still stuck on the colorism tree. They cannot seem to understand that in the IR global arena, there are different rules. And those rules have very little to do (for BW) with skin shade, admixtures etc. like they do with Black men.
Some of these BW are on a hell path because they “wanna stick it to these light/bi racial women” who have “stole their throne”. LOL. You can be that chick if you want to. And you will be that chick who will be bypassed by quality Non Black men who cannot afford to have that kind of silly nonsense in his life or around his future children.
Look around at the BW who are in IR’s. When you see them happy, smiling and being care free, these are the BW who have truly LET GO. They don’t feel competition from light, bi racial women because they knew they were starting with a clean SLATE when they decided to expand their dating pool. They know the man that is on their arm is with them because he loves and appreciates HER in her skin as she is.
They don’t need to sit on forums, blogs and Facebook ranting and raving and foaming at the mouth about who aint black and who really is and who is wearing faux dreadlocks and who is erasing folks, who BM are obsessing over, yada yada.
Think about it. Look around you. Ask yourself. Are the truly care free happy butterflies of BW who are happily BAE’D up arguing over this nonsense? Are they even bothered by it? By the looks of them happy, smiling and being loved and adored – I’d wager no.
Do you think these truly happy and loved and cherished BW have time to nit-pick who is black and who aint really black and all that other nonsense?
Do you think these women are fully aware that if they cross the color lines and have children they will be bi racial? And these bi racial kids of their DESERVE and will need every bit of LOVE, ADMIRATION and REINFORCEMENT from their Black mothers and that, if there is any kind of issues in regards to bi racial that would be a difficult task to do if those issues are not dealt with in a healthy manner?
Here’s the reality. There are A LOT of angry, hurt and damaged Black women out there. These BW have found a new outlet to try to “escape” but they can’t really seem to escape. Because when you have baggage that you do not deal with in a healthy manner, you will drag it to every.single.place you go. And you will also collect others with that same baggage. And what you are left with is a big clusterfuck of damaged baggage ridden women trying to convince themselves and everyone else they are and have moved on to greener pastures when really they are still stuck knee deep . in MANUER.
DO NOT BE THAT BLACK WOMAN. Stay care-free, drama-free and happy. TRAVEL, LIVE ABROAD. Get away from these crazies in the USA (lol). You will attract people to you who love and adore you for who you are. You will not have to worry about colorism and feeling less than if you choose your friends, mates and circles wisely.
I am not saying Neecy’s Nest is the place for you. It may very well not be and my views may not be for you as well. I am saying be careful and critical about what you are participating in as a BW even if it’s MY BLOG), because there is a lot to get caught up in. If you want to be care free and happy go out and live your life and do not get caught up in the BS.
Stay away from troublemaking divisive HATEFUL Black women. They don’t truly seem to understand how to gain allies. The only thing they are competing against is each other to see who can spew the most bitter rhetoric and get the most high-fives from it.
DO NOT BE THAT BLACK WOMAN. I do not care how hurt you feel, unappreciated. Seek some kind of help and ways to deal with those feelings IN HEALTHY WAYS before you venture into any relationship.