Why Conformity will and can save some of us!
I am finally out of writers block mode. LOL I would rather take a break than try to force out something for the sake of making a blog post.
But this has been weighing heavily on me and I want to write about it. It’s a true testament of my ability to see the gray area, silver linings that most would not see and generally how I continue to evolve when it comes to thinking about BW and our “plight” and how we can keep trying to WIN in spite of.
I’m constantly always looking and comparing to how other races of women are faring compared to Black women and why they fare much better and where BW can do the same even though our walks in life may be different.
Part of the winning strategy that I feel progressive BW need to have is an ability to not look at things for face value but to read between the lines, look at the gray area and understand for better or for worse why it is and how to navigate within that realm.
Because the reality is, a winning BW in today’s world cannot just live off the surface and face value. She has to have a canny ability to see the underneath and shades in between and use that to win.
Sometimes that gray area is a hard pill to swallow at first. That’s because things at face value are not always REAL or rather not always what is working for or against you. It’s often time the stuff we don’t often hear or see that will keep us afloat (or kill us) in its ugly truth and all.
THAT BLASPHEMOUS PEDESTAL!!!
Is it *really* blasphemous?
One thing I have been truly coming to grips with is – the reality is I believe there is both a blessing and curse to White women being pedestalized by White men (who in most part run Western societies).
While it sucks to be on the opposite end of the “pedestal” spectrum, I’ve started to think about how in actuality White woman worship works for Black women to a great degree even though we may not see it at face value.
Face value says if you do not fit the profile of the worshipped – you are shit out of luck. Maybe to a degree.
But when you look at it from the gray area you can see a perspective of where BW come from, our communities, countries and such where Black men are the rulers (or somewhat the rulers) and compare that to western societies where White men are the rulers and who pedestalize the women of tier tribe we can see we actually fare better as WOMEN (maybe not *BLACK* women) but as *WOMEN* in a society where the majority in rule (Whites) uplift and prize their women.
In a patriarchal society this is MONUMENTAL. Especially if those who rule the roost are doing it. Because any and all laws, social norms and other things that are there for the benefit of the “prized” will eventually trickle down to the “un prized” to some degree even though we may not get the entire benefits of such. But we get the benefits if you really look at it.
How is that?
WESTERN SOCIETIES VS. NON WESTERN SOCIETIES
Well let’s just compare western societies and European culture to all other cultures and societies. Can we NOT agree that for the most part women fare better in the former than the latter? I think the proof is in the pudding. In western societies women are given rights and concessions and courtesies that are generally not afforded to many other women from other races and cultures.
The fact that Black American women are the most educated women in the US is a prime example of how when the prized woman of the powerful is given concessions as women, it trickles down to the un prized. Black women can take advantage of education as women because at some point those men in power decided they would give those concessions to their women _although they may not have always been the case. But at some juncture White men have and still do concede to give White women autonomy and the ability to assert her independence. And we as Black women make out like bandits because of it.
While there is still a great deal of sexism and misogyny in Western culture, there are equally still enough MEN in power who still police other men when it comes to the safety of women and girls and who are still making and upholding laws that seek to punish those who harm women and children. Is it perfect? Once again NO. But it’s THERE and it’s there for women to utilize if they need to.
That is why pedophiles wealthy or not do not come to “America” or western countries to openly prey on children without worry of being caught. There is a reason why Asian countries are a stomping ground for pedos and male predators and the like. That is because in those cultures young children and girls are not seen as prized entities to protect from adult predators.
Money means more to those countries than the healthy flourishment of their children. In essence they are not as protected as they are in western societies where someone in power understands the need for creating strict laws and things to protect children from child predators. Does it stop them from being predators in Western societies? NO. But they have to do a whole lot of underground sneaking around to avoid the law. And when they are caught – it’s a done deal. The fact that there are all kinds of predatory laws in place and being utilized by police and “child law task forces” says that in this country and society we *AIM* to protect our children.
Just recently a former GLEE star was arrested and indicted for holding onto child pornography. He was no A lister, but we all know in general Black population any Black male entertainer arrested and such for child porn would be given all kinds of passes by BW and men alike. *Hello R. KELLY* and the many other Black male child predators getting away with it.
In Africa you still have a culture that treats women and children (especially young girls) as second class trash. Their lives, quality of life and such is hardly taken into consideration when it comes to what the men do and want. This is why removing the woman and girls clitoris is still being widely practiced, why young girls who are barely out of elementary are sent off to be child brides to grown ass men, why thousands of young school girls can be kidnapped by BOKO HARAM and no one give a fock or do much to curb it, why terrorists run amuck. And generally why no one cares about Black women or girls – BECAUSE OUR MEN, CULTURE AND COMMUNITIES DON’T!
All these things happen because on some level the MALES in that culture and race still haven’t come to the decision that they love and cherish the women enough to offer up many forms of protections to allow them to flourish as children and adults without it benefiting the males in that group.
The reason why WW are prized by all men is because THEIR MEN AND CULTURE DEEMS THEM VALUABLE. And instead of other races of men taking on the same role to make their women just as valuable, they’d rather save and go after the White man’s prize. The prize he put work in to make it such.
Look at middle eastern & Indian societies and religions and how the women fare. Not much rights or room to grow as an independent woman in those societies which are very strict patriarchal places that see women as second class trash.
And even though there are *laws* a lot of those laws are not upheld because they have the same predatory men in power determining the fate of the predators against women.
AINT NO WHITE MAN THROWING ACID IN “BEAUTIFUL” BLONDE BECKY’S FACE
The fact that acid throwing on women is a growing and serious trend in a lot of non-western countries is another example of women not being able to safely exert their independent and choices without fear of harm or death. I wondered why there were so little cases of acid throwing in the US and Western countries. Well that is because it turns out that the acid that is commonly used in other places has been banned in the US and is extremely hard to get ahold of.
Which in turn means at some level THOSE IN POWER IN THE USA realized the harm that this kid of acid can cause and has banned it. Whereas in India and South America and some Asian countries that acid that is commonly used to destroy women’s faces (by men with fragile egos) is easily accessible and cheap to buy and get by anyone.
So in a country that cherishes the safety AND BEAUTY of its women and girls, they would take measures to curb this act by banning and making it very difficult for men to access acid. But they haven’t. WHY? Cause they don’t give a rat’s ass about the women and girls or their BEAUTY in their countries!
While White men kill and rape and do harm to their women and girls (as all men can and do), can you imagine them throwing acid on the faces of their “PRIZED” women? NO! That is why it’s hardly an issue in Western societies where women are more able to tell a guy to “fuck off” and he better do so unless he wants to face the law and not have to worry about acid being thrown on their faces. This once again proves why it’s good they cherish the beauty of their women (even at the expense of non-White women) because they would not on a collective scale allow anything to tarnish it without making it very difficult to do so. And this is why acid throwing on the faces of women and girls barely exists in European culture and societies. They prize the beauty and womanhood of their women.
EVEN WHEN MYSOGYNIST WM CANNOT STAND FREE WHITE WOMEN, THEY STILL DEFEND THEM
Yall know I have been on some of the PUA sites for years. One thing I still can say, that as much as some of those men bitch, whine and complain about White women and not getting the White women they feel they deserve, they still will DEFEND them at all costs!
I mean in one breathe they complain about WW, the next breathe they are blaming any and everyone else for why White women do the shit they do. So even in these spaces where White men hate women, they are still for the most part not fully willing to give up on their women, not fully willing to blame their women for the choices they make. They will blame, Black men, JEWS, snakes, and everyone else *BUT* WHITE WOMEN for their behaviors. LOL!
IN A PATRIARCHAL SOCIETY, FEMINISM AND WOMEN’S RIGHTS ARE ONLY AS STRONG AS THE MEN WHO UPHOLD THEM
White women are not able to generally flourish as women on their own. If White men truly wanted to rule with an iron fist and strip women of all their rights they could. And especially in the past when feminism starting coming about it only was successful because at some point powerful WHITES and WHITE MEN gave in. Women’s suffrage was only as successful as those men in power allowed it to be. On some level White men decided that White women’s general happiness means something and they were willing to concede to a lot of the women’s right’s laws and ideals.
Just like the end of slavery or Jim Crowe wasn’t because Black people decided to fight to end it. It was because NON Blacks like Jews and Whites put in resources, laws and efforts to HELP end it as well.
Are women and Blacks at the promised land? NO! Not by any stretch. But we damn sure have made some pretty great strides compared to the past and continue to do so because we are given the RIGHTS to fight for our freedom and to punish lawfully if we aren’t given those freedoms.
These are the hard truths that no one will ever say. The face value will say WW alone helped to make feminism a success and Black people alone helped to end slavery and Jim Crowe. That aint the whole truth and nothing but the truth. That is ONLY the GOOD part of the truth that EVERYONE wants to hear. But the reality is, it took those in power to CONCEDE at some point to give the powerless more power.
What does this all mean to Black women?
YES WE NEED BRAD TO LOVE, HONOR AND CHERISH BECKY FOR OUR OWN SAFETY AND RIGHTS AS BLACK WOMEN
We NEED White men to continue to see their women as the prize. *whew* there I said it. I would have never said this 3 months ago! But I reached this epiphany by looking at things. We need White men (who are still in power in Western society) to love, cherish and prize the women in their tribe. Because as long as they do this and are still in power, they will see fit to keep some sort of chivalry alive, to keep laws to protect their women and children in place and will continue to create environments where their women can flourish in their feminine state, will continue to police (as best they can) other male predators who can destroy the feminine ideals in society if they are allowed to run amuck.
White men in general seem to understand that a race and culture is only as strong as how it treats its vulnerable – that is women and children. That is why other races of men and people flock to the White man’s land to progress and live fairly care free lives. Something they were unable to create on their own soil in their own countries.
In essence what we do not want is for White men to start feeling about their women as Black men and other Non-White males do. Because then we are all fucked!
If you look at the basis of their movies. Ho much of it is about saving some woman vs. throwing her to the wolves. I swear almost every movie I see at some point on some level there is a MALE hero trying to save a White woman or girl. ALL.WAYS. And it goes from young to old. This is how they as a culture groom their boys and men. To always be the hero and look to save the “vulnerable” girl and woman.
Yet you have Black men and other cultures of men who brag about “not saving” women and calling men White Knights and “captain save a hoe”.
AT SOME POINT PROGRESSIVE BW UNDERSTAND CONFORMITY ON *SOME LEVELS* IS A MUST TO WIN
The reason why BW stay losing, stay un protected, stay at the mercy of everyone who cannot see our womanhood, is because we continue to other ourselves (as Khadija used to say).
Open ur eyes ladies! The White man’s willingness to prize, protect and WHITE KNIGHT and CAPTAIN SAVE A HOE for his women benefits us in so many real ways. But we cannot see it for the face value and hurt feelings due to how our men treat us. We want that. And we should. But we cannot force Black men to give us what the White man is willing to do for his women.
All we can do is conform to some level as to attract quality men of that tribe that still believe in protecting women and allowing femininity to flourish.
As long as WW benefit in society for being protected women, some of that will trickle down by default to us IF WE ARE WILLING TO RECEIVE IT and to act accordingly to GET IT. It aint just going to be given to us. And that is what separates the BW who will stay losing vs. those of us who will win and progress.
Because the laws are not based on race of women. But WOMEN. Just like while feminism back in the day wasn’t really about or for Black women, we have benefited GREATLY because of it although it was mainly for and still benefits WW the most.
Here’s another silver lining. IF a BW is willing to conform to a *certain degree* she too can benefit and get a piece of that pedestal. YEP I AM DEAD SERIOUS. Conformity is another issue BW don’t want to talk about. I get it. Its uncomfortable and shouldn’t have to be. But once again that’s face value. The gray area says if you conform to some degree you will benefit even greater and raise your stock JUUUST a LIL bit more and more the more you conform.
I get it conformity aint for everyone and hey not even I am willing to completely conform. But I am starting to see where and how a certain willingness to conform is going to benefit me as a WOMAN – maybe not a *BLACK* woman but as a woman.
And where can it benefit us as women:?
— BEAUTY IDEALS
I get it not every BW is interested in this. But many are and that is who I am speaking too.
This is why I LOOOOOVE seeing Black women on Instagram creating make up pages and doing what the White and non-Black girls are doing. This is why I loooove seeing BW conform to those ideals because it normalizes us and destroys that “othering” shit we typically do.
As more and more Black women conform to some Non BW’s ideals those BW will get a chunk of that pedestal. And part of that chunk are those small percentage of Non-Black men willing to forgo their “prize” and share their love, resources with the small amount of BW who are ready and willing to receive it and HOLD ONTO IT.
Even if you don’t want the men, you can still live independelty and create and chart yoiur own path to happiness and well being ALONE, PARTNERED or both!
The idea here is that Westernized BW have the tools to be who and what we want, to do as we please if we see the gray area and move within it.
Keep moving in that gray area sisters. That is what separates you from the BW who will stay losing!