THAT PEDESTAL WHITE WOMEN ARE ON IS A BLESSING AND CURSE

Why Conformity will and can save some of us!

 

Hi Everyone!

 

I am finally out of writers block mode. LOL I would rather take a break than try to force out something for the sake of making a blog post.

 

But this has been weighing heavily on me and I want to write about it. It’s a true testament of my ability to see the gray area, silver linings that most would not see and generally how I continue to evolve when it comes to thinking about BW and our “plight” and how we can keep trying to WIN in spite of.

 

I’m constantly always looking and comparing to how other races of women are faring compared to Black women and why they fare much better and where BW can do the same even though our walks in life may be different.

 

Part of the winning strategy that I feel progressive BW need to have is an ability to not look at things for face value but to read between the lines, look at the gray area and understand for better or for worse why it is and how to navigate within that realm.

 

Because the reality is, a winning BW in today’s world cannot just live off the surface and face value. She has to have a canny ability to see the underneath and shades in between and use that to win.

 

Sometimes that gray area is a hard pill to swallow at first. That’s because things at face value are not always REAL or rather not always what is working for or against you. It’s often time the stuff we don’t often hear or see that will keep us afloat (or kill us) in its ugly truth and all.

 

THAT BLASPHEMOUS PEDESTAL!!!

 

Is it *really* blasphemous?

 

One thing I have been truly coming to grips with is – the reality is I believe there is both a blessing and curse to White women being pedestalized by White men (who in most part run Western societies).

 

While it sucks to be on the opposite end of the “pedestal” spectrum, I’ve started to think about how in actuality White woman worship works for Black women to a great degree even though we may not see it at face value.

 

Face value says if you do not fit the profile of the worshipped – you are shit out of luck. Maybe to a degree.

 

But when you look at it from the gray area you can see a perspective of where BW come from, our communities, countries and such where Black men are the rulers (or somewhat the rulers) and compare that to western societies where White men are the rulers and who pedestalize the women of tier tribe we can see we actually fare better as WOMEN (maybe not *BLACK* women) but as *WOMEN* in a society where the majority in rule (Whites) uplift and prize their women.

 

In a patriarchal society this is MONUMENTAL. Especially if those who rule the roost are doing it. Because any and all laws, social norms and other things that are there for the benefit of the “prized” will eventually trickle down to the “un prized” to some degree even though we may not get the entire benefits of such. But we get the benefits if you really look at it.

 

How is that?

 

WESTERN SOCIETIES VS. NON WESTERN SOCIETIES

 

Well let’s just compare western societies and European culture to all other cultures and societies. Can we NOT agree that for the most part women fare better in the former than the latter? I think the proof is in the pudding. In western societies women are given rights and concessions and courtesies that are generally not afforded to many other women from other races and cultures.

 

The fact that Black American women are the most educated women in the US is a prime example of how when the prized woman of the powerful is given concessions as women, it trickles down to the un prized. Black women can take advantage of education as women because at some point those men in power decided they would give those concessions to their women _although they may not have always been the case. But at some juncture White men have and still do concede to give White women autonomy and the ability to assert her independence. And we as Black women make out like bandits because of it.

 

While there is still a great deal of sexism and misogyny in Western culture, there are equally still enough MEN in power who still police other men when it comes to the safety of women and girls and who are still making and upholding laws that seek to punish those who harm women and children. Is it perfect? Once again NO. But it’s THERE and it’s there for women to utilize if they need to.

 

That is why pedophiles wealthy or not do not come to “America” or western countries to openly prey on children without worry of being caught. There is a reason why Asian countries are a stomping ground for pedos and male predators and the like. That is because in those cultures young children and girls are not seen as prized entities to protect from adult predators.

 

 

Money means more to those countries than the healthy flourishment of their children. In essence they are not as protected as they are in western societies where someone in power understands the need for creating strict laws and things to protect children from child predators. Does it stop them from being predators in Western societies? NO. But they have to do a whole lot of underground sneaking around to avoid the law. And when they are caught – it’s a done deal. The fact that there are all kinds of predatory laws in place and being utilized by police and “child law task forces” says that in this country and society we *AIM* to protect our children.

 

Just recently a former GLEE star was arrested and indicted for holding onto child pornography. He was no A lister, but we all know in general Black population any Black male entertainer arrested and such for child porn would be given all kinds of passes by BW and men alike. *Hello R. KELLY* and the many other Black male child predators getting away with it.

 

In Africa you still have a culture that treats women and children (especially young girls) as second class trash. Their lives, quality of life and such is hardly taken into consideration when it comes to what the men do and want. This is why removing the woman and girls clitoris is still being widely practiced, why young girls who are barely out of elementary are sent off to be child brides to grown ass men, why thousands of young school girls can be kidnapped by BOKO HARAM and no one give a fock or do much to curb it, why terrorists run amuck. And generally why no one cares about Black women or girls – BECAUSE OUR MEN, CULTURE AND COMMUNITIES DON’T!

 

All these things happen because on some level the MALES in that culture and race still haven’t come to the decision that they love and cherish the women enough to offer up many forms of protections to allow them to flourish as children and adults without it benefiting the males in that group.

 

 

The reason why WW are prized by all men is because THEIR MEN AND CULTURE DEEMS THEM VALUABLE. And instead of other races of men taking on the same role to make their women just as valuable, they’d rather save and go after the White man’s prize. The prize he put work in to make it such.

 

 

Look at middle eastern & Indian societies and religions and how the women fare. Not much rights or room to grow as an independent woman in those societies which are very strict patriarchal places that see women as second class trash.

 

And even though there are *laws* a lot of those laws are not upheld because they have the same predatory men in power determining the fate of the predators against women.

 

AINT NO WHITE MAN THROWING ACID IN “BEAUTIFUL” BLONDE BECKY’S FACE

 

The fact that acid throwing on women is a growing and serious trend in a lot of non-western countries is another example of women not being able to safely exert their independent and choices without fear of harm or death. I wondered why there were so little cases of acid throwing in the US and Western countries. Well that is because it turns out that the acid that is commonly used in other places has been banned in the US and is extremely hard to get ahold of.

 

Which in turn means at some level THOSE IN POWER IN THE USA realized the harm that this kid of acid can cause and has banned it.  Whereas in India and South America and some Asian countries that acid that is commonly used to destroy women’s faces (by men with fragile egos)  is easily accessible and cheap to buy and get by anyone.

 

So in a country that cherishes the safety AND BEAUTY of its women and girls, they would take measures to curb this act by banning and making it very difficult for men to access acid. But they haven’t. WHY? Cause they don’t give a rat’s ass about the women and girls or their BEAUTY in their countries!

 

While White men kill and rape and do harm to their women and girls (as all men can and do), can you imagine them throwing acid on the faces of their “PRIZED” women? NO! That is why it’s hardly an issue in Western societies where women are more able to tell a guy to “fuck off” and he better do so unless he wants to face the law and not have to worry about acid being thrown on their faces. This once again proves why it’s good they cherish the beauty of their women (even at the expense of non-White women) because they would not on a collective scale allow anything to tarnish it without making it very difficult to do so. And this is why acid throwing on the faces of women and girls barely exists in European culture and societies. They prize the beauty and womanhood of their women.

 

EVEN WHEN MYSOGYNIST WM CANNOT STAND FREE WHITE WOMEN, THEY STILL DEFEND THEM

 

Yall know I have been on some of the PUA sites for years. One thing I still can say, that as much as some of those men bitch, whine and complain about White women and not getting the White women they feel they deserve, they still will DEFEND them at all costs!

 

I mean in one breathe they complain about WW, the next breathe they are blaming any and everyone else for why White women do the shit they do. So even in these spaces where White men hate women, they are still for the most part not fully willing to give up on their women, not fully willing to blame their women for the choices they make. They will blame, Black men, JEWS, snakes, and everyone else *BUT* WHITE WOMEN for their behaviors. LOL!

 

IN A PATRIARCHAL SOCIETY, FEMINISM AND WOMEN’S RIGHTS ARE ONLY AS STRONG AS THE MEN WHO UPHOLD THEM

 

White women are not able to generally flourish as women on their own. If White men truly wanted to rule with an iron fist and strip women of all their rights they could. And especially in the past when feminism starting coming about it only was successful because at some point powerful WHITES and WHITE MEN gave in. Women’s suffrage was only as successful as those men in power allowed it to be. On some level White men decided that White women’s general happiness means something and they were willing to concede to a lot of the women’s right’s laws and ideals.

 

Just like the end of slavery or Jim Crowe wasn’t because Black people decided to fight to end it. It was because NON Blacks like Jews and Whites put in resources, laws and efforts to HELP end it as well.

 

Are women and Blacks at the promised land? NO! Not by any stretch. But we damn sure have made some pretty great strides compared to the past and continue to do so because we are given the RIGHTS to fight for our freedom and to punish lawfully if we aren’t given those freedoms.

 

These are the hard truths that no one will ever say. The face value will say WW alone helped to make feminism a success and Black people alone helped to end slavery and Jim Crowe. That aint the whole truth and nothing but the truth. That is ONLY the GOOD part of the truth that EVERYONE wants to hear. But the reality is, it took those in power to CONCEDE at some point to give the powerless more power.

 

What does this all mean to Black women?

 

YES WE NEED BRAD TO LOVE, HONOR AND CHERISH BECKY FOR OUR OWN SAFETY AND RIGHTS AS BLACK WOMEN

 

We NEED White men to continue to see their women as the prize. *whew* there I said it. I would have never said this 3 months ago! But I reached this epiphany by looking at things. We need White men (who are still in power in Western society) to love, cherish and prize the women in their tribe. Because as long as they do this and are still in power, they will see fit to keep some sort of chivalry alive, to keep laws to protect their women and children in place and will continue to create environments where their women can flourish in their feminine state, will continue to police (as best they can) other male predators who can destroy the feminine ideals in society if they are allowed to run amuck.

 

White men in general seem to understand that a race and culture is only as strong as how it treats its vulnerable – that is women and children. That is why other races of men and people flock to the White man’s land to progress and live fairly care free lives. Something they were unable to create on their own soil in their own countries.

 

In essence what we do not want is for White men to start feeling about their women as Black men and other Non-White males do. Because then we are all fucked!

 

If you look at the basis of their movies. Ho much of it is about saving some woman vs. throwing her to the wolves. I swear almost every movie I see at some point on some level there is a MALE hero trying to save a White woman or girl. ALL.WAYS. And it goes from young to old. This is how they as a culture groom their boys and men. To always be the hero and look to save the “vulnerable” girl and woman.

 

Yet you have Black men and other cultures of men who brag about “not saving” women and calling men White Knights and “captain save a hoe”.

 

AT SOME POINT PROGRESSIVE BW UNDERSTAND CONFORMITY ON *SOME LEVELS* IS A MUST TO WIN

 

The reason why BW stay losing, stay un protected, stay at the mercy of everyone who cannot see our womanhood, is because we continue to other ourselves (as Khadija used to say).

 

Open ur eyes ladies! The White man’s willingness to prize, protect and WHITE KNIGHT and CAPTAIN SAVE A HOE for his women benefits us in so many real ways. But we cannot see it for the face value and hurt feelings due to how our men treat us. We want that. And we should. But we cannot force Black men to give us what the White man is willing to do for his women.

 

All we can do is conform to some level as to attract quality men of that tribe that still believe in protecting women and allowing femininity to flourish.

 

As long as WW benefit in society for being protected women, some of that will trickle down by default to us IF WE ARE WILLING TO RECEIVE IT and to act accordingly to GET IT. It aint just going to be given to us. And that is what separates the BW who will stay losing vs. those of us who will win and progress.

 

Because the laws are not based on race of women. But WOMEN. Just like while feminism back in the day wasn’t really about or for Black women, we have benefited GREATLY because of it although it was mainly for and still benefits WW the most.

 

Here’s another silver lining. IF a BW is willing to conform to a *certain degree* she too can benefit and get a piece of that pedestal. YEP I AM DEAD SERIOUS. Conformity is another issue BW don’t want to talk about. I get it. Its uncomfortable and shouldn’t have to be. But once again that’s face value. The gray area says if you conform to some degree you will benefit even greater and raise your stock JUUUST a LIL bit more and more the more you conform.

 

I get it conformity aint for everyone and hey not even I am willing to completely conform. But I am starting to see where and how a certain willingness to conform is going to benefit me as a WOMAN – maybe not a *BLACK* woman but as a woman.

 

And where can it benefit us as women:?

— MATING

— BEAUTY IDEALS

I get it not every BW is interested in this. But many are and that is who I am speaking too.

This is why I LOOOOOVE seeing Black women on Instagram creating make up pages and doing what the White and non-Black girls are doing. This is why I loooove seeing BW conform to those ideals because it normalizes us and destroys that “othering” shit we typically do.

 

As more and more Black women conform to some Non BW’s ideals those BW will get a chunk of that pedestal. And part of that chunk are those small percentage of Non-Black men willing to forgo their “prize” and share their love, resources with the small amount of BW who are ready and willing to receive it and HOLD ONTO IT.

 

Even if you don’t want the men, you can still live independelty and create and chart yoiur own path to happiness and well being ALONE, PARTNERED or both!

 

The idea here is that Westernized BW have the tools to be who and what we want, to do as we please if we see the gray area and move within it.

 

Keep moving in that gray area sisters. That is what separates you from the BW who will stay losing!

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82 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Neecy
    Jun 02, 2016 @ 19:47:55

    I’m curious to see how you ladies feel about conformity and if you feel its necessary or not. Just curious.

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    • Sys Author
      Jun 13, 2016 @ 13:17:55

      Neecy,

      Very interesting angle on the pedastol and why it’s helpful to women of color when white men protect the women of their culture…just read this stomach turning, infuriating article on Huffpost.. The State Attorney in New York is investigating why little black girls- all different cases, were ignored and even suspended from school when they reported that they had been raped/sexually assaulted.

      This story lends credence to your article. I swear if I had a child, they would either be in a private school or home schooled.

      http://new.www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/nyc-schools-sexual-assault-victims_us_575ebf51e4b00f97fba8d405

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      • Neecy
        Jun 14, 2016 @ 09:00:19

        This is a fkng aberration if I’ve never seen one before.

        This goes back to why I believe young Black girls should be in girls only schools amongst each other.
        But that will never happen because Blacks never mobilize for its girls.

        The reason why shit like this is able to continue to happen to young black girls vs. White is because the White community and WHITE WOMEN fight against this nonsense and let their men and society know they will not be treated like this.

        Is it no wonder why people think Black girls are just disposable? BECAUSE OUR COMMUNITIES TREAT US THIS WAY. That is why in larger society shit like this is able to happen.

        I’m gad some JEWISH woman is taking up their cause.

        The shit that young black girls have to put up with today it blows my mind that many more do not commit suicide.

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        • Sys Author
          Jun 16, 2016 @ 18:01:22

          Neecy,

          This was such an upsetting story, especially seeing the story is on Huffpost instead of AA women’s websites or AA women’s magazines. The AA community hides these types of stories because they involve black males…when those black women were being raped by the white cop, it was all over AA websites and newspapers..and who was representing the black women? That goofy ignorant sounding. ambulance chasing attorney that supposedly represented Travon Martins family…he also lost the Mike Brown case..Black men have no issue being present if it means putting a white man in jail, making money and of course turning on the propaganda machine, ..the black women were just a means to get him there.

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  2. SilverRoxen
    Jun 02, 2016 @ 21:33:00

    The part in which you stated beauty ideals reminds me of this post.

    https://blackfemininityrecovered.wordpress.com/2014/04/23/part-ii-your-basic-tools-becoming-the-exception-to-the-rule/

    As for what I think I’ll have to think about it. 😛

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  3. SB
    Jun 03, 2016 @ 08:20:13

    I agree with so much of what you’re saying in this post. BW moving into IRR really need to understand that this major difference in how WM treat their women versus how BM treat theirs is due to this culture of chivalry. African cultures do not have this. Even asian cultures which are far far better than African cultures in their valuing of women, don’t go as far as european societies did in idealising their women and seeing the male role as protective.

    The only disagreement I have is with this statement:- ‘But we cannot force Black men to give us what the White man is willing to do for his women.’
    I disagree with this because it seems defeatist. I’m a strong believer in where there’s a will there is a way. First BW need to understand the mechanism by which WW have achieved this feat and then steel themselves to apply it. It might take a few generations to achieve but success is possible.

    The acculturation of boys in childhood is the key to change I believe. But I don’t currently see any work being done by BWE thinkers to really understand the difference between how WW bring up their sons versus how BW do both in africa and the diaspora. I believe there are major differences here which if studied could be the key to making this change.

    For one thing, I’ve observed that WW simply don’t emotionally identify with their sons as as much as BW do. They clearly love them, but they don’t ‘live through them’ or feel the need to defend them like so many of us seem to. In fact they are more likely to feel the exact same feelings that BW feel for their sons, but only for their daughters!
    But most importantly this ‘hero’ ideal is entrained in their sons from BIRTH.
    To be a hero, you have to protect or save a ‘damsel’. Not love your mamma! Not respect your elders! Not be a good boy! Only protecting or saving a woman or failing that a defenceless child makes you a hero. See this major difference in cultural values!
    Yes it’s true the surrounding popular culture supports this, via Hollywood, TV, toys, comics etc, but BM are also brought up consuming the same culture but it clearly doesn’t effect them anywhere near as much. So the difference must be in the upbringing.

    I know most BW don’t want to go here. It’s easier to believe that WW just got lucky with their men, but history doesn’t support that. Read about ancient roman or greek societies and you can see that WW were treated pretty much like saudi women are currently treated in the middle east. Owned by their men, restricted to the home or covered in veils in public, minimal rights and seen as far beneath men. So WW didn’t always have it so good.

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    • onelesssoldier
      Jun 03, 2016 @ 10:03:56

      Believe it or not I was actually about to write a post on my blog about this topic in general. Black women generally always seem surprised when their black sons hate their guts and generally don’t have any value in black women’s lives but generally speaking black women DON’T raise their sons with those values and then wonder why they turn out rotten. My own family included. My brothers have a selfishness in them that is completely obvious. Which sometimes seems to upset my mother and yet I always wonder to myself what she expected because she didn’t raise my brother to be anything other than a leech. *Shrugs*. As you said white women aren’t attempting to lift up their sons over their daughters. They love them but they identify as women FIRST and protect said daughters. I have some other thoughts but i have to compose them first. This is a great point. Neecy thanks for you post. Its good to see you writing again!

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      • Neecy
        Jun 03, 2016 @ 12:58:40

        OLS

        Yes. My younger brothers were the same way because their dumb ass mother coddled and spoiled them to the point they almost turned out into nothing. She would clean their rooms and do everything for them. Call them her “babies”. She took them away from my dad to move to Detroit to be around her family and thus my dad did not have the hands on time he needed to raise them.

        Then her ass wants to send them to live with my dad when they are in high school and already are a result of her horrible babying, coddling etc., and that didn’t work because the NEW step mother and my dad tried to change their ways but they were already high schoolers.

        Finally now they are adults and one has a baby and baby momma and my dad has been able to work with them and get them jobs in the industry and they are doing well. But their mother is always trying to sabotage their efforts by crying about how they never come see her and how she wants to live near them.

        She told my youngest brother (who has no kids) that she wants a “grandbaby” and he told her he isn’t ready to get married and she said “I don’t care just get a girl pregnant so I can have another grandbaby”. I am not lying. And I told him DO NOT be a baby daddy or make some Black girl a baby momma under any circumstances!

        its like LEAVE THEM THE FUCK ALONE AND LET THEM BE MEN!!! JEZZUS! The oldest one has his own family he needs to take care of not your tired ass!

        They are even tired of her. I do believe that many of these BM deep down want to be independent (like my brothers) but their pathetic mommas & mammies in their livves keep wanting to tell them nothing is their fault, and wanting to keep them around to baby. Now my brothers are working and making decent money they truly love their mother but I can tell they just don’t want to be bothered with her.

        I cannot stand BW like her. But she is a prime example of why BM turn out the way they do.

        Also another reason I don’t have faith that BW can or are willing to change to turn this behavior around to benefit the women and girls in the BC.

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        • Sys Author
          Jun 13, 2016 @ 13:39:24

          Neecy, I think there are two reasons black women coddle/protect their sons and raise/ignore and release their daughters. I’ve noticed this behavior with women of other races, however this practice (mammas boy) is discouraged amongst other races. Raising mommas boys weakens any and all cultures.

          Black women that are not married with sons, or black women in dysfunctional marriages. In both instances, black women turn their sons into their husbands/boyfriends/companions. I believe that Muslim Bushido or Not Your Girl Friday spoke of this almost insestuous behavior extensively. It may be the reason we have so many effeminate/emasculated males moving amongst us that look to women to be their protectors and providers because their mothers play/played that role all the while these males see their mothers and black women and girls in general in an either predatory way, sexually, for money or to be bailed out or taken care of..and they wind up seeing black women and girls as masculine..totally FUBAR.

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          • Neecy
            Jun 14, 2016 @ 09:05:17

            I agree SYS.

            There is nothing CUTE or healthy about this “mommas boy” phenomenon. People think its endearing but when you look at the end results its far from endearing.

            As you said a lot of these women look to their sons as replacements for husbands and fathers.

            There were a lot of single Black mothers this year attending PROMS with their sons. I saw the pics all over social media. And everyone thought it was so cute and endearing. I though that was disgusting!

            These single Black mothers need to get their own damn lives and husbands instead of using their sons as replacements. How is that healthy taking your mother to prom? How does a young man develop the right social skills to attract women when his mother is constantly taking the place that a young woman his age should be taking?

            UGH, this dysfunction amongst Black people is getting too be too much.

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      • Kiara
        Jun 04, 2016 @ 09:47:06

        Wow, I notice the same thing. My parents are Nigerian and my brother did come out selfish and (saying disparaging ish about bw, he’s one of those people will scream love of darkskinned women online but say something totally different in real life) too, I also think it’s because they prize the male sons more and kind of let them do what they want (that new post by MuslimBushido opened my eyes to a lot of things). I just laugh because as a child, it made me so upset, but now my mom is dealing with the consequences and wondering how he ended up that way…and it just makes me laugh. You can’t coddle your sons, and raise your daughters. And they’ll blame the devil and all kinds of things to explain away the behaviour, using religion as a scapegoat basically. In my head I feel like saying “why won’t he end up this way, isn’t this how he was raised?” while tilting my head in confusion, but respect for elders is very important for them, and I don’t like arguing
        By the way, love your blog! *Greetings from Canada!*

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    • Neecy
      Jun 03, 2016 @ 12:25:35

      SB

      Great point and observation. I had understood this for awhile, but I figured with this audience it was pointless because many have realized that finding a BM as a potential mate let alone husband/father that is qualified is pretty tough these days and thus will be mating and dating men of other various races.

      But I do think this point is relevant possibly for BW with bi racial half black sons.

      But for the Black women who are still actively pursuing or seeking relationships with Black men I think this is a very good point to point out since they are the ones raising and who will be making “Black” boys. I don’t know how successful it will be though, since most BW have resigned themselves to being underneath Black men in the name of racial solidarity and racism.

      I just feel there are two groups of BW at this point. The ones who still believe in Black love and the ones who no longer do. And the ones who believe in Black love are not ready to hear any kind of advice or messaging on how to put themselves first – ESPECIALLY if they already have Black males as children.

      Even when BLACK MEN try to call themselves out Mammying sister soldiers still try to convince them nothing is wrong with them.

      So I am not sure how successful the BW who are birthing Black boys can be when the majority of BW would still rather put the men first and continue to see other Black women and girls as beneath and without the same needed affections and attentions.

      Also, BW are less likely to do what WW have done in terms of removing that overly emotional attachment to their boys and men because they seem to feel the brunt of racism in life is experienced by Black men in larger society, so as a community Black women and people seek to “cushion” the BM’s quality of life to offset whatever “RACISM” they are getting from “DA MAN” and thus why we put our sons first before our daughters.

      It may be a lot easier for WW to remove that emotional connection when they see their men running things and pretty much in control. They do not need to coddle and spoil them as they would the girls.

      So while I 1000% agree with your assessment and answer to correcting this wrong, I guess I don’t have enough faith (based on what I see from typical MAMMIFIED BW these days who are giving birth to Black men) that its going to ever work. Also, when there is a lack of fathers in the home it puts all the pressure on the single Black mother to try to “raise a man”.

      The difference that WW ave is they have fathers in the home to help reinforce and instill this masculine energy in their sons. Most BW are single mothers and do not have strong father figures helping ot raise their sons..

      Also, IMO even when non men are raised in single mother homes they too seem to lose that certain masculine energy and need to want to protect women. But what happens is because the overall white community believes in protecting their daughters first, these men will eventually fall in line whether they were raised by a father or not.

      Also, like the so called “good BM” who were raised by single black mothers supposedly treat BW well, they are usually quiet and have nothing to say or offer when destructive BM are tearing down BW. that is because the larger community does not protect BW so they fall in line as well.

      Of course not all. but I think it goes back to the idea that strong men in the homes as fathers help to raise strong and healthy masculine boys to men. And if they are not in the home if there are enough in the COMMUNITY the men will fall in line.

      BW have neither.

      A woman cannot raise a man to be a man. And if she doesn’t have a community behind her to support the notion that our women and girls are worth protections and being prized then it all to nothing even if she manages to raise a “good” BM. She can do her best but without that male energy (the proper male energy) its futile.

      I do however, think this can work for BW who will be raising bi racial sons who are in healthy relationships with non Black men.

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    • Eji
      Sep 20, 2016 @ 11:28:08

      SB you said: “The only disagreement I have is with this statement:- ‘But we cannot force Black men to give us what the White man is willing to do for his women.’
      I disagree with this because it seems defeatist. I’m a strong believer in where there’s a will there is a way. First BW need to understand the mechanism by which WW have achieved this feat and then steel themselves to apply it. It might take a few generations to achieve but success is possible.”
      I actually agree with Neecy on this point. BW have been bending over backward trying to get BM to be this or do that. We have to accept that we can not force them to do/be anything and just let them figure it out or not. American culture did not grow out of Roman culture but out of the British one and even going back to ancient times, the British culture has always been one of protecting their women. Even when women where seen as less valuable than horses, men were measured by how they treated their women, especially richer or higher class men. It was generally accepted that only poorer or lower class men (too unintelligent, uneducated and unmanly to know better) would maltreat a woman or a horse 🙂 Not to say that it was an ideal environment, but culturally speaking WW did luck out in that, WM were willing to concede some humanity to them, that we do benefit from. Even in Africa, BM still equate humanity with masculinity and until they are willing to give, BW will continue to push a boulder up a mountain.

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  4. SB
    Jun 03, 2016 @ 11:12:16

    Exactly onelesssoldier. And another thing is how BW mothers encourage only their daughters to sacrifice themselves for others using religion/culture/motherhood as the justification, whilst their sons only have to think about themselves. Meanwhile WW mothers use the ‘hero myth’ ideal to encourage only their sons towards self sacrifice but solely for the benefit of women/children. This is a big part of how WW train their sons to become husbands and fathers.

    Thus the relative lack of attachment by the WW mother to her male child, along with the hero myth pushes him to form a much stronger pair bond with his romantic partner/wife and consequently with their children leading to a greater emotional investment in his own family compared with the BM.

    So WW deny themselves the level of attatchment and influence that BW desire over their adult sons and effectively delegate that power to their sons’ partners/wives. They stand back and let their sons wives come first for them and in fact train them for this all their lives. Meanwhile they maintain their attachment and involvement with their daughters throughout their lives and thus psychologically shore them up through the process of dating, marriage and motherhood.

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    • Neecy
      Jun 03, 2016 @ 12:47:12

      While I agree that WW have mastered this as you said and why they tend to benefit I still say a lot of it has to do with the reality that their culture in general is very centered on male heroism and woman vulnerability and its because THE MEN have made it this way. This is historical even when WW didn’t have rights.

      Think about when Europeans conquered lands. The men went first and did all the work (and even used slaves from other races) smoothed out all the kinks AND THEN brought the women and children over.

      WW do not need to coddle or have overly emotional attachments because their men generally are running things and are taking care of their communities. I believe its innate in Non Black men.

      I don’t believe its innate in BM to do so. Khadija and Breuklen Blue have addressed the historical issues that lend to the fact that BM have been this way for centuries even when they ran their own lands, they were not protective of their women and sought other races o women as the feminine ideal.

      So while WW deserve half the credit the other half goes to the men and fathers in their culture and communities who are dedicated to creating masculine men. And they do this because they want to stay in power as a race. THAT is really the main reason WM overall give so much to WW and have conceded to giving them more rights than in the past. They understand the only way they can survive as a race/culture and stay in power is by taking care of their women and daughters.

      I think it was on Halimas site I read a comment by her that said the main reason WM try to concede to WW and try to stay inher good graces is because they do not want their women to begin hating them. because we all know that once a woman of a culture or race has given up its a done deal. So even with al the power WM had and still have they realized eventually if they did not give WW the rights they were fighting for, it would cause a major rift between them and they do not want that on a larger scale because they need WW to make WHITE CHILDREN to keep them in power.

      So in essence while some say WW fight to keep their rights as women, the bulk of power lies in their men’s hands as they control everything and if WM at any given point wanted to start cutting folks off (including WW) they could. And WW would be shit out of luck.

      I’m sorry but a lot of the WW’s power lies in WM’s hands. And because WM love their race/culture so much they are willing to concede to WW and keep them as happy as they need to keep procreating and raising white children and families.

      Of course this is ALL MY OPINION ONLY and not necessarily the facts. Just the way I see it.

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      • SB
        Jun 03, 2016 @ 13:31:26

        Your’e right Neecy WM do deserve half the credit, and BW don’t have the support of their men or their community if they try to civilise their boys in this way. But I disagree that the coddling of BW’s sons has anything to do with racism. It exists in black cultures all over Africa and the diaspora. And if whites disappeared tomorrow it would continue to exist in the U.S. Does that make such a fundamental change to mothering practises extremely difficult to achieve? Yes it does but that doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be attempted.
        Nothing is set in stone in this life, cultures change over time. Ancient african matriarchies that deeply honored and empowered women and girls transformed thousands of years ago into hateful patriarchies that practise FGM, and that abuse and work their women like serfs and willingly enslaved their own children. It’s time to move on from this system to something new. We may not see the definitive result in our lifetime, but change needs to start somewhere no matter how small.

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        • Neecy
          Jun 03, 2016 @ 13:39:59

          Yes change needs to happen. but I don’t know how much you are on the interwebz and social media these days, but BM are acting OUT against BW and its getting worse each year. And more and more young BW are getting pissed off and starting to say they want nothing to do with them.

          I usually try to remain optimistic about most things. The BC and current Black people I’m not so optimistic about. It may change but like you said it won’t be in our lifetime. And by that time we may already have breeded ourselves out because as more and more BW get fed up and leave its gonna be curtains.

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        • SB
          Jun 03, 2016 @ 14:10:53

          Yes BW are increasingly looking elsewhere, but I think this is an important strategic move for us. The large scale divestment of mostly middle class BW from BM and the BC will apply immense pressure on those remaining to change fundementally how they treat and value black girls and start questioning the excuses they make for BM. That change can directed by BW thinkers and leaders IRREGARDLESS of their interracially married status, just as the original BWE thinkers have influenced the course of black culture and society over the past decade despite being married out. And just as many of the early black activists and thinkers were BM who married WW.

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          • SilverRoxen
            Jun 03, 2016 @ 14:21:35

            Your comment reminds me of the premise of Ralph Richard Banks’ book “Is Marriage For White People?”. I haven’t read it, but have seen it discussed and several places and he pretty much said if more BW date and marry interracially that sex ratio would balance out.

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      • kekeG
        Jun 03, 2016 @ 14:09:55

        My grandma was like that too. She raised her daughters and loved her sons. Especially her oldest son. Everything she did for him and pretty much them. Whenever they were in trouble she would always find the means to bail them out but for her girls, well they’re on their own. Today all my uncles are worthless, good for nothing bums. My uncle even at one point was complaining how, ‘mama didn’t give me the chance to stand on my feet’.

        Think about when Europeans conquered lands. The men went first and did all the work (and even used slaves from other races) smoothed out all the kinks AND THEN brought the women and children over.

        Hence the reason why I’m so tired of hearing pro black men say we need to come together or put our issues aside and join with them to fight white supremacy. All other race of men have no problem going out and building, conquering, crushing skulls for their women and children to respect and honour them. But black men believe that in order for them to defeat the Dwite man ‘we need to come together. Usually this talk is normally directed towards black women, not so much the men. I simply believe that what they truly want is black women to put on their Amazonian warrior armour and go fight for them.

        Another thing is black women need to understand that in life everything is about right and or wrong, I’m not saying we should throw away all our morality but we should sometimes learn to accept things for what they and find ways to maneuver around or threw them. In a nutshell we need to practice self preservation more.

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        • KekeG
          Jun 03, 2016 @ 14:14:49

          I forgot it seems that even when black boys come from homes where they have a father or a male presense in the home, no matter what the hatred for black women still seems to exist.

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          • Formavitae
            Jun 07, 2016 @ 10:45:59

            KekeG,

            IMO this “hatred of BW” is just the BM’s way of deflecting from the truth that he (hates HIMSELF, REALLY) prefers to have and create ANYTHING but HIS OWN. You know…since he is supposed to be so”BLACK AND PROUD” and all that. If he came out and just TOLD THE TRUTH that he prefers OTHER than himself, then he would have to admit he is a PHONY and a LIAR. So, INSTEAD, he demonizes BW in an effort to justify his OBVIOUS rejection of SELF.

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        • Neecy
          Jun 14, 2016 @ 09:13:52

          KEKE

          EXACTLY! SELF PRESERVATION is the only thing BW need to be thinking in these days.

          All that coming together bullshit Black men and their mammies spew means really BW coming together to do all the work and keep things afloat in the Black community.

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  5. SilverRoxen
    Jun 03, 2016 @ 13:49:29

    I saw your comment over at BB&W and I didn’t really have an “aha moment”, but a “connecting the dots” moment. There were a couple of posts on BB&W last year about how war was being declared on black women and girls by WW (i.e. Shonda Rhines, Sasha and Malia Obama, etc.). I remember one commentor talking about the media and how WM put WW on a pedestal and I and another commentor kept trying to tell her that that’s actually normal (she thought we were trying to absolve WM from taking part in denying BW our femininity and humanity). Also, this article comes to mind and I remember who said that quote Yosef Ben-Jochannan, ironically he’s an AA man.

    http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/this-is-what-happens-when-countries-and-communities-devalue-women/

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    • SilverRoxen
      Jun 07, 2016 @ 17:28:28

      My thoughts have changed, I think its not about white women being put on a pedestal, its about certain values being upheld which results in a stable in a culture/society.

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  6. cediblog
    Jun 04, 2016 @ 08:54:24

    Neecy you are correct, we black women in the western world have rights that can protect us (though many a times we do not receive the best of the laws, (that’s a whole other topic), we do have the laws here that can give us some type of protection). White women benefit the most from the western world laws,even the civil rights acts and affirmative action, which was originally geared for protection of blacks, white women have benefitted greater than any minority group in the western world. The white female can be a victim and still get the best privledges from the white western controlled society. Yes life is not fair for black women, but let us take the lemons and make healthy, nutritious, sweet tasting lemonade, for ourselves, rather than just let the lemons sit there and get mouldy, sour and finally useless.

    You wrote about white women being put on a pedestal by white males, and you know what,in my opinion there is nothing wrong with that, there is nothing wrong with putting something you want to protect on a pedestal. White males also put themselves on a pedestal, so I am not surprised they would put their female counterpart on a pedestal also. I remember many years ago watching a show called” Tony Browns Journal” and Jim Brown (Ex-NFL football player was on the show) and I vividly remember him saying this ” A nation ran by blacks is not going to be any better than a nation ran by whites, he believed that we blacks had to learn to find a way to live well within the system” The other thing he said, which I do wholeheartedly agree was that the White man looks at himself as a God, and that the Blacks always look outside of themselves for a God. The latter statement made so much sense to me. far too many blacks seek solutions in other things and other people rather than ourselves. We black people have a phenomenal brain in which has been dormant for too long , why do we wait for others to give us the OK they never will. This is one of the many reasons I have no use for the bible “All slaves obey your masters” and other useless passages. In my opinion the bible is a slave owners manual, which the black slaves can’t seem to live without.

    We need to begin to value ourselves as black people especially we black women, and stop putting ourselves in harms way. Remember last year when you wrote a blog and came up with solutions about having schools only for black girls and homeschooling was also mentioned. Why can we not ? Why do we feel we need to send them to white schools, for primary and secondary education? The only thing our children learn in white schools is how to hate themselves and to be called Nigger, they are not wanted in those schools, but being the masochists we black people are (ESPECIALLY BLACK WOMEN) we put our children at a young age around cultures who do not care for them. White people will fight tooth and nail to not put their children in a hostile school environment, especially if that environment consist of non -white kids, because whites put their white kid on a pedestal, and will try and protect them from environments that are not good for them.

    BLACK PEOPLE,ESPECIALLY BLACK WOMEN PUT YOURSELF AND YOUR CHILDREN ON A PEDESTAL,

    FORWAD THINKING BLACK FEMALE

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    • Formavitae
      Jun 07, 2016 @ 10:30:06

      cediblog,

      You are CORRECT that AAs need to become more PROACTIVE on THEIR OWN behalf.

      “The only thing our children learn in white schools is how to hate themselves and to be called Nigger, they are not wanted in those schools, but being the masochists we black people are (ESPECIALLY BLACK WOMEN) we put our children at a young age around cultures who do not care for them.”

      As an AA who attended predominantly white schools from a young age and for most of their academic career, I know many of the challenges the nonwhite students face. However, I must say, what I PERSONALLY observed (and found to be QUITE SHOCKING) once I DID attend a public school that was probably half and half, was that the AA students who attended predominantly (if not COMPLETELY AA schools since childhood) had THE LEAST amount of confidence in their intelligence and abilities. I JUST DIDNT GET THAT. For all of the struggles I dealt with in white schools, I NEVERTHELESS questioned the quality of my intelligence–nor did any of my teachers or fellow students, for that matter. I ALWAYS felt intelligent and CAPABLE.

      In my opinion, AAs are THEIR OWN WORST ENEMY. The only people who have ever teased me for being smart were AAs. The primary people who ever “shot me down” for having high expectations/goals were AAs. Now, I’ve dealt with jealous whites, particularly in the professional world, as many of them feel no one is more qualified for/deserving of a job than THEM. But, I STILL say, I’ve received more support to improve myself from nonAAs than AAs.

      And, I think my experience in white schools probably would have been WORSE, if it weren’t for the “teachings of Jesus Christ” being promoted and serving to keep certain racist behaviors “IN CHECK”.

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  7. cediblog
    Jun 04, 2016 @ 09:56:57

    By the way Neecy I’d like to personally thank you for your solution oriented articles, Though as you probably know I am NOT into the interracial dating or marriage thing (been there done that ain’t ever going back to that) your other articles provide practical solutions. BWE sites that deal with colorism, BM bashing, BW bashing, Blaming WHITES/HONKEY, Celebrity worship, Religion, Gossip etc.etc. etc. I avoid because they tend to like to rant and are not solution oriented. I probably will not frequent your blog any more, because both you and I think along the same line, it appears that we both realize that the world is not fair and we both understand that it is going to be our responsibility to live the best life we can. You are right about the living in the Grey areas, I told my sister about your article Living in the Grey area, and she said that is the area she has always lived In, which is why she is attractive, slim,happy, financially stable, and is married to a good black man who lives in the grey areas also with her. Your articles have one common theme taking responsibility for self and other things tend to favorable fall into place better when that occurs. Well back to basics for me

    FORWARD THINKING BLACK FEMALE!

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  8. Beauty.in.Grace
    Jun 04, 2016 @ 17:49:21

    As far as conformity is concerned, Black women are expected to conform in the bc all the time. The average black person that I would run into considered me different because I was/am adventurous and loved to be out in nature. So for me I was expected to conform less when around White people than when around bp.

    I find that bp get offended/annoyed when I revel in my feminity just as much as wp. Sometimes more so.

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  9. TK
    Jun 05, 2016 @ 06:19:41

    This article has me at war with myself because, well I see your point. You’re actually right about getting ahead in life this way. Something as little as straightening our hair can make a huge difference in many instances. So you make perfect sense. Still there are some ways that nonconforming (to a degree) can actually open the minds of whites around you. Subtle perhaps if you’re “like them” in the bigger customs, activities or cultural norms.

    For me the tough part is feeling like I gave in, feeling like a sellout to myself. (Not worried about what blacks think anymore. They think anybody is a sellout for bettering themselves) Like one of the other commenters on here I find myself pressured to conform around blacks because I’m not into many things deemed “black culture” like hip hop & church themed entertainment, Kevin Hart style comedy etc. But at the same time I’m an oddball with whites too. (maybe I’m just a nerd lol) So I feel like I’d be trading one half of the coin for another.

    But my natural hair means so much to me because for my entire life I conformed to straightening it and now for the first time I’m in love with my hair. I can submit to conforming in other ways but my hair is the one thing that I can’t let go.

    So yes, you have an excellent point but maybe leaving 1 or 2 things “black” might help expand their (whites) world as well.

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    • aa
      Jun 05, 2016 @ 09:39:07

      About the hair: IMO it’s not the texture, it’s the style. I work in an environment with professional staff, paraprofessional staff and support staff. There are few Blacks in this environment, and those who are, are mainly support.

      The fashion style among professionals and paraprofessionals is more sleek, not full and loose styles. Among support staff, including janitorial, full loose hair is more seen.

      BW who wear natural hair in locs, twists, tiny afroes, or a puff at the nape are seen as professional or paraprofessional.

      BW who wear their hair in big afros, or puffs at the top of the head or big twist outs get interpreted more as support staff.

      It’s a subtle point, but grooming and fashion serve as social cues and status markers. Not genetics, in my opinion. A set of black boots from Louboutin evokes a different cue than one from Timberlands. And yet, they’re both made of black leather.

      The link above from Silveroxen is an excellent read. The author advises BW to read fashion magazines to see the trends in fashion and how to do them. This is what women in other cultures do. A lot of this information is free, accessible from the internet, and can be replicated at different price points. Pinterest, tumblr and instagram and google images are wonderful resources for professional natural hair, because there are enough black professionals that the photos are out there.

      The strategy isn’t necessarily to repeat a particular style, but to find the style that fits best with your environment, personal inclination and natural attributes.

      That’s why Ellen is used as a classic example. As a masculine-presenting lesbian, her image was altered because she was on a daytime talk show with a target demographic of heterosexual women. She still presents as masculine, but dapper, not rough.

      Here are some examples

      http://therighthairstyles.com/simple-updos-for-natural-hair/4/

      to me is more work appropriate than #8, #9, #30, #39 which appear to have similar textures and lengths.

      Short afros like Ursula Burns from Xerox appear very professional IMO, but because it is short, might be paired with more feminine attire. Notice her jewelry and her neutral makeup that gives her a polished look. Her skin is high and clear, and the neckline and shoulder of her outfit is well tailored to flatter her face.

      I hate shopping for clothes and loathe fashion, but it’s so important to be able to understand it and use for your own benefit, so you know what concessions you don’t have to make, vs. the ones you do.

      There are definitely relaxed styles that still code unprofessional, so again, I don’t thinkk it’s the texture, but the style.

      That said, I believe BW should do what’s best for them. If or when relaxing, flatironing, or weave is the option that makes you look great, feel confident, and meets your workplace fashion esthetic, do that! Hair nazism isn’t good for BW, imo.

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      • Formavitae
        Jun 07, 2016 @ 10:11:10

        aa,

        I think you’ve made GREAT POINTS. I AGREE with your analysis of the differences in hairstyling for different professional levels. I see the same thing too, though I didn’t really think about it.

        I think it’s possible for BW to wear their kinky-textured hair and still be accepted. IMO, nonblacks accept blacks in their natural state more than blacks do. I agree with you that it’s the styling that makes the difference. There are a few AA women at my job who wear their natural kinky hair, and they aren’t suffering any backlash I’m aware of.

        I wear my hair straight because that’s my PERSONAL preference. I like natural styles and think Afros are beautiful. But, I wear my hair the way I want to. I haven’t relaxed my hair IN YEARS, but I WILL, if I decide I feel like it. I’m not taking ANY PRESSURE from one direction or another. It’s possible to select one thing for yourself and still appreciate something different.

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  10. cediblog
    Jun 05, 2016 @ 19:44:40

    TK you do not have to straighten your hair if you don’t want to. I am a black woman who wears her natural 4c texture hair in a bun. You can wear natural hair in a pull backstyle if you want. I do not straighten my hair haven’t, for many years and my hair grew and is really thick. also I would advise about not wearing weaves, manyblack women do and it has given them a permanent receding hair line of 2-3 inches. You may want to find a natural style that you find flattering .

    FORWARD THINKING BLACK FEMALE.

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  11. Formavitae
    Jun 07, 2016 @ 09:50:48

    Neecy,

    This is an EXCELLENT POST.

    Something I think many AA women need to lose is this “US vs THEM” approach to viewing and analyzing all things. What I am trying to say is the following:

    1. A WM (or other) doesn’t have to NOT find WW (his own women) attractive, loving, loveable, etc. to find a BW attractive or be willing to marry her. He doesn’t need to date BW predominantly or exclusively to have a sincere interest in an individual BW. People being attracted to/involved with members of their own group is NORMAL. BM and other slave-minded individuals are the ones who can’t grasp/have a problem with this. YES. It is possible for a WM to find a blonde-haired, blue-eyed woman attractive, while simultaneously finding a Sub-Saharan-looking black woman attractive.

    2. Bitterness is just “UGLY” and “TIRED”. Most people don’t feel like being bothered with that–LEAST of all, MEN. Too many AA women have adopted this “reality wives” personality, and, honestly, IT JUST SUCKS. I don’t get close to as many AA females as I WOULD, simply because of this “sucky”, “b*tchy” attitude. That’s why so many people call you “GHETTO”.

    3. “Conformity”. So many things are referred to as “conforming” when they’re JUST PLAIN COMMON SENSE. When you can’t see THE OBVIOUS common sense of the universe, MOST people WHO DO are going to think you have a problem and treat you like a “pariah”. THAT’S JUST HOW LIFE WORKS.

    You’ve made so many wonderful points. I hope those who read have the WISDOM to listen and APPLY.

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    • SilverRoxen
      Jun 07, 2016 @ 10:57:59

      True, I have read many comments from black women that primarily date or prefer to date white men and they stated that they are the first and/or only black woman that a white man has dated, heck for almost all of the white men they have dated.

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  12. neurochick
    Jun 09, 2016 @ 09:39:24

    Welcome back! I do agree with most of your post but I want to warn you not to completely idealize the WC either. See, I lived in the WC for many years and one thing I’ve learned is where black folks do our stuff in the streets, white folks have the sense to do their stuff inside their homes. I know many, many white women who are incest survivors, their parents knew how to present themselves to the world, but once that front door closed, anything goes.

    I once dated a WM about 30 years ago; we broke up and he married a woman who wasn’t white. When he died he left his wife deeply in debt. Now, when I knew him, he was fine on the surface, good looking, educated, made good money; but below the surface, something nasty was brewing and his wife paid the price.

    Also, you are correct about chivalry, but remember that WM used to believe that WW were their property, that’s why they protected them. If a WW was going to have their child who would carry their name, well she had to be protected, but if she didn’t have that male child…well, later for her, he’d find another one who’d give him what he wanted, remember Henry VIII? But, today European and Western societies are much better places for women than other places in the world. North America and Europe may have issues, but I’d rather be here than most places in the world.

    Black mothers raise their children and love their sons is something that I first heard as a teenager in the 1970’s

    It is true that you may date a white man who’s never dated a black woman before, that’s okay, nothing wrong with that. There might even be things he might not get, like hair. Don’t hold that against him, once he gets it and it’s fine, then it’s all good. The most important thing is that a man loves ME, not

    I guess what I’m saying is that dysfunction exists everywhere and we BW need to have our own stuff together so we’re not so desperate for attention and affection that we’ll partner with someone who looks good on the surface, but deep down, isn’t so good. I’ve gone to school with white people all my life, I’ve lived in the WC for many years, I have never idealized white people and I never will; some things they do better than black people and that’s why I believe in taking what you like and leaving the rest.

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  13. Formavitae
    Jun 10, 2016 @ 01:55:27

    THIS paragraph is EVERYTHING:

    “I guess what I’m saying is that dysfunction exists everywhere and we BW need to have our own stuff together so we’re not so desperate for attention and affection that we’ll partner with someone who looks good on the surface, but deep down, isn’t so good. I’ve gone to school with white people all my life, I’ve lived in the WC for many years, I have never idealized white people and I never will; some things they do better than black people and that’s why I believe in taking what you like and leaving the rest.

    YEARS ago, I saw an infomercial for Barbara Stanny’s book, “Prince Charming Isn’t Coming: How Women Get Smart About Money”. She is a WW who came from wealth. Her father was a provider. Her mother never worked or balanced a checkbook. She never did either. Her father left her a trust fund that would sustain her FOR LIFE. She married a WM (I’m assuming) who was a professional in the finance industry. She let him control finances just as her dad did. Everything was fine, until one day she went to the ATM and couldn’t withdraw $20. Turns out, her husband had a gambling addiction and had squandered all of HIS money and HER’S TOO. She went to her father for help, but he refused to bail her out economically. So, she had to learn how to rebuild herself. She is now remarried, and she and her new husband keep their finances SEPARATE. I purchased the book in recent years but haven’t read it, because I’ve already gotten the point. But, I still think it’s an EXCELLENT story for women to consider. I’ll read it again f I ever get the free time. Lol. NO. WM aren’t GUARANTEED to be excellent prospects. YOU STILL MUST CHOOSE WISELY.

    On another note, I went to white schools but lived in a black area. So, I saw the dichotomy. Though I was accused of “wanting to ge white” by many AAs, the fact is that growing up with whites helped me to see them as human beings JUST LIKE ME. I don’t consider them some “superior, celestial beings from ON HIGH”. But, there are a lot of positive things I gained from my educational experience. There were some hurtful things that have only served to make me STRONGER. Each person is different. What “nourishes” one may “poison” another. All I have to say is looking back at the differences between what I’ve seen in my life and many others with “AA experience/acculturation”, I’m thankful for the life I’ve had. STRUGGLES AND ALL. I can HONESTLY say, I believe that I am capable of achieving ANY GOAL I SET MY MIND TOO. And, that comes from attending schools that taught that “YOU COULD” rather than attending schools that never challenged you, inadvertently teaching “YOU COULDN’T”.

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    • Formavitae
      Jun 10, 2016 @ 02:14:29

      Sorry for the typos. Tablet typing at work.

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    • Formavitae
      Jun 10, 2016 @ 02:24:53

      Not to mention a lot of the “hurtful experiences” I had at white schools came from the treatment I received from BLACK BOYS for NOT BEING WHITE. So, MISS me with that “the WORST thing for a black girl is to be with all WHITE people”. I’ve seen it in private school. I also saw it at the university. Black guys go for black girls USUALLY to the extent that they DON’T HAVE ACCESS to NONBLACK girls. And, when THEY DO select black girls, it’s based on the intraracist hierarchies AAs have had FOR DECADES. Even if they START dating “black”, ONCE they can “cross over”, THEY USUALLY DO. So being surrounded by black males/AAs IS NO REPRIEVE for the “black-looking” black/mixed girls. And, I’ve seen half-black/half-Hispanic girls with curly hair GET DROPPED, once the black dudes could get a WHITE chick. So, being “mixed/biracial” (“good-haired”) won’t necessarily “save” you EITHER.

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      • Neecy
        Jun 13, 2016 @ 17:36:21

        YES @ FORMATIVE,

        Most Black men’s choices of dating Black or Blackish women are based on their ability to pull or not pull Non Black women.

        IOW’s as you stated. If and when they have the opportunity to select and actually be chosen by Non Black women for dating, mating etc., that is usually the first choice of college aged BM.

        The minute the opportunity arose for Black men to date out, they jumped on it and started sowing their asses.

        Believe me, if Non BW weren’t open to dating BM these days they’d be on their best behavior with BW.

        That is why I say BW need to think about self preservation above all. Stop believing that the BM is your soul mate because he is Black.

        Times have proven that means nothing to them and historically never has. The only difference between today and the days they acted better was they didn’t have the option to date out.

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        • Formavitae
          Jun 15, 2016 @ 00:43:50

          “The only difference between today and the days they acted better was they didn’t have the option to date out.”

          And, THAT, right there is WHAT IT IS. OPTIONS. The BM’s WILLINGNESS to participate in/provide for HIS OWN population is based upon his ACCESS to participation in OTHER populations. HOW PATHETIC IS THAT.

          I ‘ve come to realize and accept that the BM’s dream isn’t to have greatness of his own but rather to make himself a part of the picture in someone else’s greatness. He loves to see himself as the ONLY ONE (of blacks) who can gain access to someone else’s house, someone else’s kingdom, someone else’s bed. But, the irony and “poetic justice” of this situation is that in achieving these “goals” HE ERASES HIMSELF. HE will no longer exist. But, unfortunately, his self-hating psychology and ways can OUTLIVE HIM, in his children.

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        • KekeG
          Jun 15, 2016 @ 06:15:37

          So true. Look at amber rose and Jordan sparks both dated black men who eventually ‘upgraded’ after they got the fame they wanted. Black men are starting to treat light skin/mixed black women the same way they’ve treated us regular ole black girl.

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    • Dorian
      Jun 14, 2016 @ 18:32:32

      Regarding Barbara Stanny her father was the founder/owner of H.R Block. Very informative book. Have it on my bookshelf.

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  14. cediblog
    Jun 13, 2016 @ 12:17:05

    Neurochick you are right about not idealizing white people, I have grown up around them dated them for many years , but no longer. The average white person, is not wealthy as the stereotype goes,in actuality my family had more wealth than many of them. I never realized that until I became and adult.many whites and some blacks who both really do not have wealth are show and flash people, you know the type brand name items etc. and putting themselves into more debt than they originally have to do it. I remember while growing up n the 70’s any white kids would purchase $30 pair of jeans. which was quite a bit of money back then. I used to get teased for wearing $5 pair of jeans, they used to say I come from a family that could not afford those 30 dollar jeans. Guess what most of those whites their families lived in subsidized housing, most of their fathers were drinkers and smokers(addictions are an excellent way to waste your money) and even if some of them lived in a house, it took their parents many years to acquire it. My father was an immigrant, who was able to put a down payment on an old house within an year of arriving in N.America andhe was able to pay the house off in full 2 years . Throughout the years my father was able to afford purchasing 3 small apt building s and 2 houses. None of those whites whose parents are from N. America achieved rarely ever were able in the long run to purchase any rental properties. We black people have to get it out our psyche that white skin equals wealth, BECAUSE IT DOES NOT. Many white folks do not have a pot to piss in,and neurochick you are right we should never idealize them. The only difference I am noticing about them and us is that they keep their nasty shit indoors. Unfortunately some of us fell for the media crap and have taken our shit on talk shows. Also I am familiar with a lot of white men who will wine and dine us and have no money. Credit cards are white boys best frined. wise and informative reply Neurchick I think alot of Black Women need to hear replies from sisters like you

    TO ALL THE BLACK WOMEN OUT THERE , REMEMBER WEALTH IS OUR CULTURAL RIGHT. WE AS BLACK PEOPLE JUST NEED TO LEARN HOW TO MAKE WEALTH WORK FOR US, AFTER ALL WE COME FROM THE RICHEST CONTINENT IN THE WORLD! AFRIKA!

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    • Neecy
      Jun 13, 2016 @ 17:28:11

      CEDIBLOG

      While I understand you have had your issues with Whites and such, this blog is not geared towards Black people coming together to defeat DA WHITE MAN nor is it about Black people coming together to “take back what’s rightfully ours”.

      Africa is a lost cause to Blacks. Black men squandered their ability to build and capitalize off of anything worthwhile in that rich country so keep dreaming if you believe one day Black people are going to take what’s “rightfully theirs”. They never have and at this juncture they never will. And if they do, all Black men wil do is destroy it or give the spoils to Non Black women.

      As I have stated time and again, Black women need to move away from anything that is Black collective because usually its only Black women who end up picking up all of the slack. Black men HAVE NEVER been interested in pulling together to work with Black women or even do their parts to collectively uplift Black people or Black nations.

      At this point its about SELF preservation for BW. Those BW who still want to work with BM and communities – by all means do you. This space aint the place for offering solutions to that because I’m on the Black woman SELLLLF preservation ship.

      Therefore, my message to PROGRESSIVE BW is to steer clear of anything Black collective and look to environments and cultures that still believe in chilvary, protecting women and children, marriage, and overall allowing women to live freely as such and able to make choices and live their lives independently.

      These ideals are not practiced nor preached to BW in Black spaces or environments and THUS why I am pointing out the key difference in Western European culture and how it benefits us to move within these environments vs. other environments and cultures where women are treated as second class citizens and not given the same types of protections and freedoms.

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      • Sys Author
        Jun 17, 2016 @ 11:42:54

        Neecy,

        I well said, I concur! One more thing I wanted to point out.. Black women have to learn to be supportive of black women regardless of the race of man she chooses to date and marry. Although I’m married to an AA man, that does not stop me from supporting black women that see themselves first and put themselves first when it comes to being loved, happy, protected where she is being nurtured by a man..and not a man that continuously expects the women of his race to put that supa dupa black girl cape on, fly around and conduct search and rescue missions in the black community.

        I always wondered why growing up, black men supported other black men no matter the race of women he was married to. A black man could be pro-black, pro civil rights, black panther, pan African, etc..and marry a white woman and no black man would bat an eye..well over time I came to understand why..access to white women. Black women still don’t get this and most important, we don’t get why black men continuously use the phrase “White Male Supremacy or White Males or White Men” when discussing the white community. They try not to include the women.

        Even white women use “White Males” when discussing racism..they too, of course, do not like to include themselves..why take any blame if you can pass the buck?! And even white men…still protecting their women, will use “White Male” when discussing racism because as its been discussed on this tread and others, white men still protect their women. White men have been taught to protect white women even if their women throw them up under the bus and run them over on national t.v and in front of black men or other races of men..

        And of course we know black women and girls were, and still are subjected from birth to hearing the phrase “White Male Supremacy, White Men, White Males” whenever black men and black women are in general, discussing white people…everyone, most importantly black men ensure everyone in the AA community understands it’s the “White Male” being discussed..not the white woman.

        Black women have unfortunately bought into this groupthink and in return have sworn our collective allegiance to never dating, marrying or pro-creating with white or any race of man that isn’t black..

        Light complected and dark complected black women have both been taught by unambiguous black men to dislike light complected black men because they are feminine, whimpy, pretty, weak….There are two reasons this is pushed; Unambiguous black men project their anger for white men onto light complected black men…BONUS…darker complected black men have access to both dark complected black women and light complected black women.

        Black men do the above all while projecting their anger about their dark skin, hair, and Afrocentric features onto darker complected black women, and uplifting light complected black women until she’s possibly cast off for a white woman or left holding a baby and no ring all while these black men keep the colorism lies that keep black women fighting with each other, going.

        I’m glad black women are slowly starting to wake up to who is the true perpetrator of colorism is in the black community…but ok, I know that’s another conversation….Ive gotten off the train, so let me get back on..🤓

        Black women, especially us older black women ( like myself 😉 have to make it clear that we want younger black women and girls to be in a place where they are happy, healthy, safe and loved and if you find that with a man that looks nothing like the men of your race, I’m going to use the old line from the cosmetics commercial, you don’t need to seek approval or to ask permission from anyone in the black community, “Because Your Worth It!”

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  15. Neecy
    Jun 13, 2016 @ 17:20:34

    To All regarding “idealizing Whites”.

    I think we all in this spehere understand that Whites are not perfect. That was not the purpose of this post.

    The point of this post was to point out the CULTURAL benefits that Black women receive based on European ideals.

    We can all agree there are White people with issues and who are DBR. That was not the point of this post.

    The point is to POINT OUT to BW the key differences in how European CULTURE (key word CULTURE) has benefited us as a whole when compared to how other cultures treat their women and even Blacks INCLUDING OUR OWN.

    And how we as BW who are progressive should seek out men and environments that are geared towards upholding more Western European ideals than others because its shown that Western culture gives women more opportunities, is willing to “AT LEAST” put laws and such in place where women and minorities can demand equal and fair treatment, and where the men still actively police other men in regards to safety of women and children COMPARED TO OTHER CULTURES AND RACES.

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    • neurochick
      Jun 14, 2016 @ 13:11:52

      Hi Neecy:

      I don’t think it’s good to idealize any culture, be it African or Western European. Both of them have skeletons in their closets. I’ve read enough about Victorian England to make me realize that that society was not as gentile and civil as we believe it was.

      But I have no illusions about African society either; in most societies women were treated as chattel, second class citizens.

      BTW, I don’t know about white men policing each other, as the judge certainly didn’t do that in the Brock Turner rape case.

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  16. Neecy
    Jun 14, 2016 @ 16:35:33

    Hi Neurochik

    I still say you are missing the bigger point. Western culture has been the one society that black women and girls can thrive compared to any other cultures!

    And regarding Brock Turner – hum it was TWO WHITE MEN who saw him rainy her and chased him down and held him until THE WHITE POLICE came and arrested him.

    Just because one judge made a decision doesn’t negate my point about Western society and how WHITE MEN police other men.

    If this were in the Middle East or Africa there wouldn’t have even been an arrest made nor would two Muslim or African men STOP one of their men from raping an unconscious woman!

    Like I said you are missing the entire point of my post. If you can prove where BW are able to thrive in any other cultures as we are in Western European culture, then feel free to point that out.

    Taking single situations doesn’t disprove anything of what I’m saying.

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  17. cediblog
    Jun 14, 2016 @ 17:07:32

    Hello Neecy
    I am not trying to get the black people to DEFEAT DA WHITE MAN I am just stating a reality in regards to dealing with whites, I grew up with them, Iived among them, I went to school with them, I dated them for many years, I work with them . So I know them . I am just stating that we BW have to be careful around them, I know far too many BW who believe that it is better with the WM and what they found out was that the white man cheats sexually also, lies to them, cannot understand discrimination against blacks (by the way know quite a few BW who say that when the topic of discrimination ever comes up, their loving white husbands/boyfriends , fathers of their children,like to make excuses for the white perpetrators behaviours) . I know many BW who have said that it is not all that it is cracked up to be married to a white, and there are a lot of BW who do get divorce from WM, just as they do with BM, there are a lot of lazy white men who don’t work, just like there are BM, there are many WM nowadays who have black baby mommas,just like BM.

    Yes you are absolutely right Neecy Afrika is unfortunately a lost cause, but in my opinion there is nothing wrong with me knowing that my motherland just like your motherland was once rich with resources. No I am not dreaming about Afrikans taking what is rightfully theirs, I never said they would in my reply and I would never expect them to. Black Afrikans had their chance and are irresponsible, hence that is why the continent is said to be in complete chaos and shambles today.
    I talked about Afrika being a rich continent, just to state what we once had and due to our behaviours and beliefs what the end result became and what is no longer..

    Yes Neecy you are right, Western European culture does at least put
    laws in place that can assist in protecting the rights of women and minorities. By the way I used to work at a women shelter as a supervisor and just like in the AA community of domestic violence, the majority of the clientele were WW and quite a few had professional career husbands who physically abused them. So thank goodness for the laws, so some recourse could be taken against abusers.

    Yes Neecy, you are right, in too many black collective organizations it is BW who do not some of the work, but all of the work even in many black families. in my family which consists of 4 males and 1 female, we learned to work together, a lot of the times my brothers have done a lot more than me. I know it is not a common situation, highly unusual actually.

    I think you may have not understood the main purpose of my second reply, I just wanted BW to realize that the WM IS NOT ALL THAT, because far too many BW thought the WM and his culture were all that, and when they began to date or marry those men,they were in for a very rude awakening,!!!!!!!!!!!. I have learned the hard way to take care of myself first, and that came when I used to cape for WM(you heard right not BM.)There are many BW who cape for WM and had the same result as if they caped for BM. There are a lot of WM out there who do not defend WW, never mine a BW even if the BW is his wife/girlfriend.

    There are good non-black men and bad non-black men, but BW should be careful around all men. and in my opinion BW should always put themselves first, no matter what race of man they are dating or married to.

    Neecy, I am on the BW self preservation ship just like you and I am a PROGRESSIVE BW just like you, I put myself first and I do not cape for anyone, male, female, black, white, rich poor etc.etc. etc.

    Like Nerochick said it is not good to idealize any culture,be it European or Afrikan.

    I gather the moral of the story is take what you need, and what serves your purpose and leave the rest. Which is actually the best source of inspiration in living a good life.

    By the way Neecy , all the blogs you have written have one underlying theme SELF PRESERVATION and I am on that ship with you.

    Keep up the good work!

    FORWARD THINKING BLACK FEMALE!

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  18. Neecy
    Jun 14, 2016 @ 19:26:59

    Ok ladies!!!

    THIS POST IS NIT ABOUT “DATING” WHITE MEN!!!

    This is NOT A DATING POST!!!!

    This is about CULTURE and where and which CULTURES have benefited WOMEN AND BLACK WOMEN the most.

    If by now the women here are not AWARE that vetting men is top priority then they do not belong here!

    READ MY POST AGAIN.

    If you have a rebuttal please give specifics as to where BLACK WOMEN fare better outside of Western European socities!

    ONE thing I hate more than anything is when people twist and turn a topic to their own agenda.

    RARELY if ever do I post about dating and I have ON NUMEROUS OCCASSIONS told BW that they need to look at vetting men.

    I have also ON NUMEROUS OCCASSIONS told black women that there is NO GROUP OF ANY MAN coming to save or rescue them!

    THIS IS NOT A POST ABOUT DATING WHITE MEN.

    IT IS A POST telling AMERICAN and westernized BLACK WONEN how GRATEFUL they should be living in a society and culture that gives us the ability as women AND BLACK WOMEN to chart our own paths IN COMOARISON to other cultures!!!

    Where is this not clear!????

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    • SilverRoxen
      Jun 15, 2016 @ 08:32:23

      I know this isn’t a dating post. I was just referring to a comment that cediblog made because I have noticed in almost every comment she makes on this blog and another blog, that she mentions that she isn’t interested in interracial dating, when that has nothing to do with the topic that was written.

      I understand the point of your post, therefore I have nothing else to add. I just saw a few comments that stood out to me and I wanted to add my thoughts regarding those particular comments.

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  19. Neecy
    Jun 14, 2016 @ 19:36:23

    It’s no longer a wonder to me as to why BW stay losing.

    Everything is face value. There is never any deeper thinking or “READING BETWEEN THE LINES”. Anything that can easily be read ONE WAY as face value is the very thing we jump on instead of reading or understanding the Deeper meaning and gray area.

    If by now y’all don’t know that I’ve never promoted any race of man as perfect then clearly you do not read my posts.

    LOOK BEYOND THE FACE VALUE!!!

    Stop automatically getting emotional over the surface of what YOU THINK is being said and dig and think DEEPER about what I’m REALLY SAYING.

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  20. Neecy
    Jun 14, 2016 @ 19:48:25

    Another thing.

    I AM NOT DUMB OR STUPID.

    I am aware that every race and culture has IDIOTS, DBRS, SOCIOPATHS etc!

    I was under the impression the women here reading were past this elementary levels of me having to literally tell them that “no race or race of men are perfect” as a disclaimer in posts at this juncture of me blogging FOR YEARS about BW bettering themselves.

    Lol

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  21. Neecy
    Jun 14, 2016 @ 20:08:56

    Another thing lol!

    It’s clear to me many black women are UNCOMFORTABLE with some truths. And in that the response is automatically A DEFENSE against these truths by deflecting to the obvious.

    I’m sorry if this post or topic makes you feel uncomfortable. But the fact is NO ONE has presented a rebuttal to challenge my post other than the emotional defense of “well not all white peoples are great………not all white men are perfect…….”

    REALLY! Is that what you took from this post??

    If it is, then it’s really a defense you’ve chosen based on some uncomfortable truths I’ve presented. Because no where did I say either of those things.

    I pointed out THE TRUTH that westernized BLACK WOMEN have it DAMN GOOD simply because European and western culture is THEEE ONE CULTURE that still seeks to give women the ability to live independently and in much safer LAW ENFORCED environments than many other cultures and races of women.

    THIS US THE TRUTH whether it bothers you or not!

    I stated several times western society is NIT PERFECT BY A STRETCH.

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  22. Neecy
    Jun 14, 2016 @ 20:32:10

    thought I’d post this here to show and back up my post.

    Even when DBR white men try to attack a White woman this is what usually happens – her community other white women and WHITE MEN stand up and protect her!

    https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=10153495750047665&id=729402664

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  23. Neecy
    Jun 14, 2016 @ 20:36:09

    Y’all can get mad but it doesn’t change the REALITY that YOU ARE DAMN LUCKY to live in a culture where men GENERALLY still believe in protecting their women!

    I’m sorry black men HAVE NEVER done this! Trying to deflect doesn’t change the realities!

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  24. Neecy
    Jun 14, 2016 @ 20:45:21

    http://www.cnn.com/2015/12/01/entertainment/james-deen-rape-assault-allegations-feat/

    Damn even their PORN STARS get defended from DBR white men!

    “Now, his boy-next-door image is under threat amid allegations he raped an ex-girlfriend, beat up one actress and tried to force himself on another. He has not been charged with a crime, but the backlash has been intense.
    Deen’s former girlfriend and co-star Stoya was the first to speak up on Saturday. In a tweet, she accused Deen of holding her down and raping her.
    “That thing where you log in to the internet for a second and see people idolizing the guy who raped you as a feminist. That thing sucks,” she said.
    Stoya’s allegation led others in the adult film industry to speak out against Deen using the hashtag #SolidaritywithStoya.

    The fallout for Deen has been swift.
    He has stepped down from the board of the Adult Performer Advocacy Committee, the group said in a tweet. San Francisco-based Kink.com, a network of BDSM and fetish sites that featured Deen as a performer, is ending its relationship with him.
    “For the Kink.com community, as well as the larger BDSM community, consent and respect are sacrosanct. Effective immediately, Kink.com will cease all ties with James Deen, both as a performer and a producer,” the company said in a statement.

    The women’s blog announced it would be ending his column in light of the allegations.
    Allegations that he violated consent made it “impossible” to continue working with him, Frisky editor-in-chief Amelia McDonell-Parry said.
    “I very much liked James Deen. I enjoyed working with him on WWJDD. I asked him to do an advice column because I liked his directness and his confidence, but most of all, I liked his emphasis on communication, honesty and, most of all, CONSENT,” McDonell-Parry said in a post explaining the decision.
    “No amount of good rapport between us or traffic to his columns would EVER supersede the fact that I BELIEVE WOMEN.”

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  25. Neecy
    Jun 14, 2016 @ 20:50:19

    Reply

  26. Neecy
    Jun 14, 2016 @ 20:51:52

    At the end of the day for every DBR white man attacking a white woman there are 10 more willing to protect her.

    Can we say the same about Blacks in general!?

    Indians?

    Middle Easterners?

    CUUUUUULTURE!!!!!

    And the fact you live in this culture means you get better protections by default than you would in other cultures or socities where the women are treated as second class disposable trash!

    Liked by 1 person

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  27. Neecy
    Jun 14, 2016 @ 21:01:27

    Since Brock Turner was mentioned let’s look at this:

    1) DBR assaults white girl

    2) 2 White men catch him in act AND as he tries to escape they CHASE HIM and hold him until police arrive

    3) police arrest him

    4) woman is taken to hospital

    5) YES the white DBR judge and some white friends and family lament about him being a “good guy” who doesn’t deserve harsh punishment

    6) white DBR judge gives him light sentence

    7) AMERICANS (especially WW) turn up the heat and the backlash towards this DBR JUDGE, RAPIST, DBR FATHER and friends has not let up.

    8) petitions of all kinds pop up demanding DBR judge be removed

    9) white girl friend of his in a band and anyone who wrote letter on his behalf put on blast and even loses gigs and sponsorships

    10) the incessant DRMAND by white journalists to release his mugshot (something that was only done after great pressure)

    11) WHITE MEN like Vice President writing open letters to the victim supporting her

    Uhm yes my point and post STANDS. European culture and western culture ain’t perfect but for every assault and attack on their women and daughters by DBRS there are twice the amount of men and women standing to hold them accountable.

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  28. cediblog
    Jun 14, 2016 @ 21:04:14

    Neecy as stated in my June 4 reply, When I talked about watching Jim Brown on Tony Browns journal, Jim Browns statement was “a nation ran by blacks is not going to be better than a nation ran by whites”, he believed that we blacks need to find a way to live well within the system. So in my opinion and what I know about the rest of the world, and I have lived and visited other parts of the world. The western European system, has put laws into place that can protect a black woman in this society to a greater degree if implemented properly, more than anywhere else in the world.

    I personally think that many of the black women who read the blog are grateful to live in a society that offers some type of protection. Sometimes in life a certain topic can reignite other feelings, because everything is connected in life.

    Also I don’t think that the readers were taking this topic at face value. I think that your readers, more than any group of BW are deep thinkers and look at topics not at face value, but in the gray areas. This topic I think truly made a lot of your readers think very deeply and their emotions were cleansing and I don’t think anyone was trying to deliberately promote their own agenda. For myself personally of all the topics you have written on, this topic was very cleansing for me.

    In the past I looked at other Black women blog and in my opinion your readers Neecy are one of the best. I rarely come across any BM bashing from your readers, the majority of your readers do not view themselves as victims and do not whine like the readers on so many other BW blogs. I do not see the negativity from your readers, unlike the readers on so many other BW blogs.

    Once again I personally believe that your readers are grateful for the rights they have in this society as BW, I am quite sure they are grateful for your blogs, I know I am.
    Also Neecy you should be grateful for the readers of your blog, because they are intelligent, insightful and the best ( and I truly mean that, this comes from myself a black woman who used to view other black women in a negative light. The replies from your readers have shown me that there are intelligent, positive black women out there).

    Let us all be grateful for whatever rights we get in the world!

    FORWARD THINKING BLACK FEMALE

    Thank you

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    • Neecy
      Jun 14, 2016 @ 21:19:00

      CEDI

      Thanks for your response.

      Honestly I agree with you that the women here are intelligent and can look deeper. But based on a few responses (including yours) it seems to me that what you took from this article I wrote is that I’m “idealizing” white men and people.

      I’m just trying to point out A different view about WW pedestalization by WM that most BW are bothered by since we are usually the ones who pay at the expense of WW upliftment.

      So I offered a different angle as to WHYwe should not see this as entirely a bad thing.

      We do t have to agree on anything I write. But if I’m being misunderstood or my words or thoughts being taken out of context, then I get pretty agitated – especially when I believe we should already be beyond this idea of white peoples not being perfect.

      And as you say the women here are INTELLIGENT and therefore I shouldn’t nor felt the need to put disclaimers about vetting men or not all white people being perfect.

      No love losses though – I do appreciate my readers even when we don’t see eye to eye.

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  29. Neecy
    Jun 14, 2016 @ 21:06:46

    If anyone has examples of where other races and cultures do this for their women and daughters – I’m waiting for those stories.

    Don’t come at me with the defensive and emotional response of “white men ain’t perfect” SHOW ME WHERE I’m wrong in my assessment that because GENERALLY WM pedestalize their women WEas BW do benefit in a society under them BY DEFAULT.

    Unfortunately our communities haven’t EVER sought to do this and THUS why BW are mostly un protected in any environments.

    AT LEAST in Western cultures we can fight for our rights, demand justice, live, work and play on our own accord and CHART OUR OWN PATHS as women

    THANKS TO WESTERN SOCIETY THAT STILL PROTECTS ITS WOMEN AND CHILDREN!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

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    • itsmeak
      Jun 20, 2016 @ 12:52:05

      They’re just being absolutely ridiculous. Just because white people and their systems within white Western countries aren’t perfect doesn’t mean that what Neecy is saying here is wrong LOL

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  30. Sky
    Jun 14, 2016 @ 23:45:59

    Bravo to you Neecy! Your commentary and observations are much like my own regarding this issue. I can’t name a single place on this planet where black women..or women of color period have more of a chance of upward mobility than the west. Safety and a chance at happiness, is better achieved and even dreamed about due to European culture.

    Also, when speaking of culture…many black people simply have a problem with dealing with the collective. For many blacks, the collective black culture is by and large not too good. Meaning black culture is deemed negative due to mostly oow, lack of education and high crime rates. Instead of working to change these facts, many blacks have chosen to be truth deniers and worse yet use some silly exception model to explain away the collective and call anyone racist who points out the collective..ie culture. Many do not get that exceptions do not make rules. Exceptions do not change outcomes. Collectives are what form cultures and culture is not nor has it ever been about all. Culture is about the average and/or consensus. It’s like some really believe every single person must be doing the “right” thing all of the time in every situation or else the collective is all wrong and misleading. It’s just a mindset that many in the “community” can’t seem to shake. No other group of people seem to struggle with these concepts the way many blacks do. I find it embarrassing myself.

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    • itsmeak
      Jun 20, 2016 @ 12:49:23

      Many BLACK people especially a lot of delusional black women don’t get that exceptions don’t make or equal the rule and so many of them just plain refuse to understand any of that.

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  31. cediblog
    Jun 15, 2016 @ 00:15:48

    To all the Beautiful intelligent black women who read this post. let us acknowledge the fact that a black stripper by the name of Crystal gayle magnum, whether she was telling the truth or not,, could go through the law to try and seek justice for herself against the Duke university Lacrosse team. for alledged sexual misconduct.

    Recently a degenerate Eurasian by the name of Daniel Holtzclaw was sentenced I believe to 263 years in jail by an all-white jury(believe it or not)> Holtzclaw who was an Oklahoma police officer, when he was arrested would use his position to force black women to perform sexual acts on him, sodomy,oral sex , he raped all of them. These were all black women, poor and some had past criminal records. Though little media attention was brought out regarding the case, because all of the victims were black females, and white women feminists and other white women generally only, protest for women who are white, like the Brock Turner victim. To make a long story short the western European laws of NorthAmerica , made it possible to prosecute and convict Holtzclaw for his crimes. 18 convictions and guilty on all counts. I heard that 2 black women Candace Gilder and Grace Franklin were instrumental in bringing attention to this case. It was refreshing to see Black women supporting other black women, because it was said no one else was. Though I don’t believe in caping , I would have temporarily put on a cape for the victims of the Holtzclaw .case. Though the laws of N. America that protect women and children were not intended to protect BW and children. Due to the fact we live in this society we inadvertedly benefit from them,

    It is unlikely that we as BW would have. those rights anywhere else in the world. If intelligent BW would not have those rights elsewhere, you can bet BW who are strippers and poor would not.

    BW When it seems like you are not getting your piece of the pie, remember the pie is still there, remember no one is going to give it to you, but it’s there for you to have, you just have to grab it and it’s yours alone to eat and enjoy.

    BW use the laws and rights of the western world to put yourselves on a pedestal
    SELF PRSERVATION is what it’s all about.

    FORWARD THINKING BLACK FEMALE

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    • SilverRoxen
      Jun 15, 2016 @ 08:24:46

      “To all the Beautiful intelligent black women who read this post. let us acknowledge the fact that a black stripper by the name of Crystal gayle magnum, whether she was telling the truth or not,, could go through the law to try and seek justice for herself against the Duke university Lacrosse team. for alledged sexual misconduct.”

      I have never heard of this until now and Iive in NC. Wow! I shouldn’t be surprised though.

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  32. cediblog
    Jun 15, 2016 @ 08:48:03

    Silver Roxen the case did not go to trial, because it was alledged that the accusations were falsified by her, but the laws and resources were accessible to her still, if she wanted to pursue it. No where in the world would a Black stripper or a stripper of any color have those rights, unless they were living in Western European societies.
    Holtzclaws trial did go to jury,he was convicted of 263 years,he may be trying to appeal. I am learning to choose my battles wisely, I will put on my cape only temporarily. If he is appealing I will sign a petition and lend my support to keep the degenerate in jail.

    Take care of yourself Silver Roxen and get your piece of the pie.
    Best Regards.

    FORWARD THINKING BLACK FEMALE

    Liked by 1 person

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  33. neurochick
    Jun 15, 2016 @ 12:11:23

    Ah Neecy, my apologies, you are speaking on CULTURE and modern Western culture is much better for women than other cultures. We can have lives here as women that a woman might not be able to have in countries like Saudi Arabia.

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  34. Shaylah
    Jun 16, 2016 @ 08:15:12

    Neecy,
    Keep doing the great work you are doing because black women need to accept the truth and we have other black women, young and old who needs this information. The reason other races of women can seek out law enforcement because they know that when one damaged beyond repair person roams freely, that is a danger to the community. Black women reward their rapist. Uggh Kelly comes to mind. Other women see their son as sons not surrogate husbands so the other race of women protect their children but not wanting to have sex with them. Some of the pictures black women take with their sons you would think they are dating them. When that athlete raped the white woman, they were calling for the judges head and that silly woman that supported the rapist those sales dropped.
    They were not going to celebrate him in any kind of way.Black women need to deprogram themselves from the black men as well as the community. The mind first then the body. If you have a son then he is just that your son not your lover or surrogate husband.
    Like Brueklen Bleu says STOP IT.
    My cousin is being used by a black man. She has a degree and going to law school. I wish sometimes black women would go to the school of healing thy self first because too many black women have education but not a phd in common sense because we are exchanging our youth and getting 0 return on investment.

    Black women are awesome women and I know at one point in time we had some boundaries. Black women need to start a path on healing ourselves. Posts like these and other you have Neecy are a great starting point. We need fresh start because I want as many black women to wake up. I know everyone of them is not but we need one and that one will be an example in their circle.
    I am starting to see shift in everyday life. Black women are starting realize that we have the resources and when we say enough, then we will be moving in greater strides.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Neecy
      Jun 16, 2016 @ 09:52:12

      YES SHAYLA!!

      And why did I bust out laughing at your “School of healing” suggestion. LMAO! That is so true!!

      We as BW need to stop putting our support behind DBR BW and BM! The minute this stops they will get the help they need because they will realize no one is going to put up with that nonsense and they cannot win in today’s world with the issues they carry and not getting the help they need.

      For the BW who are waking up and getting it, I get this warm and fuzzy feeling every-time I read a comment or post from one of them. its like YES.

      Especially on Instagram when BM try to come in with their typical BS and these young Black girls are standing their grounds, stepping away from mammy roles and calling these fools out. I LOVE IT!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

  35. itsmeak
    Jun 21, 2016 @ 01:50:01

    Reply

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